01x10 - Pop Me and We Both Go Down

[bunniefuu]

Hey, how was school?

Max, why are you carrying
Alex's backpack like that?

She told me my backpack
was bending my spine,

so she gave me hers to even it out.

Let's check.

There, all straight. You're welcome.

Alex, your brother is not your pack mule.

Yeah, I'm not your pack mule.

I'm sorry, Maxy.

- Could you take this upstairs for me?
- Sure.

- Best day at school ever.
- Oh? They found the guy

that was putting peanut butter
in your locker?

No, but this made me forget about that.
Okay, so I'm in biology, right,

when Mr. Medina
has us pick lab partners,

and like always, my partner ends up
being the frog I'm dissecting.

I have the opposite problem.

Everybody wants me
to be their lab partner.

- You don't take biology.
- That's what I keep telling those guys.

Anyway, in walks this brand-new girl,

and she is the hottest thing
I've ever seen in my life.

Eva Longoria goes to your school?

Eva Longoria?

Kids love Eva Longoria. It's...

Continue, son.

So Mr. Medina assigns the beautiful
Miranda Hampson to be my lab partner.

Miranda Hampson? Isn't she
that new goth girl in th grade?

She's not goth, she just likes wearing
black and dark makeup

and listens to bands
that are kind of scary.

Oh, so not goth, but goth.

You're missing my point.
I'm in the th grade.

- She's an older woman.
- Attaboy, like your mother.

The hot part.

Hold on, now. The story gets even better.
So me and my Miran...

That's my cute nickname for her actually.
Yeah, Miran.

- Accidentally reach for the scalpel
at the same time and our hands touch,

and she didn't pull away
for three seconds.

How's that for a great day?

Look, Miranda's here.
I guess your great day's still going on.

Or coming to a tragic end.
Let's watch, boys and girls.

- Hey, Miran.
- Who's Miran?

You, remember?

I called you that in the lab.

Oh, right. I thought you were swallowing
and talking at the same time.

He does generate a lot of saliva.

I have overactive glands.
We're looking into it.

It was worse when he was a baby.
We had to wrap his head in a diaper.

Excuse me one second. All right...

- Do you need to copy my biology notes?
- Oh, no, no.

I just... I came to ask you something.

Are you going to the junior prom?

No, I already told them
I don't wanna work lights this year.

Oh, you are so funny.

No, I mean,
would you like to go to the prom with me?

I'm new at the school
and I don't know a lot of guys,

and you seem very nice.

Me?

Well, you know,
I'll have to check the schedule and...

Are you trying to be cool?

- Yeah.
- Don't do that.

- Okay.
- I'm really tired of cool guys.

Don't worry, because I am so not cool.

With the murrieta animata spell,
you can make any object come alive.

Max, you're up.
See what you can do with that cup.

Murrieta animata

Are you picturing it with arms and legs?

No.

You got cheese on the board,
so I'm thinking about cheese.

No, we don't have any cheese.
We have a cup.

Justin, you're up.

Justin. Justin.

What? What?

- Sorry, Dad.
- You're not paying attention.

- That isn't like you.
- Yeah, it's like me.

And you're not even doing it right.
I completely check out.

This place could be burning
and I wouldn't even know it.

- What's up, Justin?
- It's Miranda. It's the junior prom.

There's gonna be dancing
and a lot of time to talk,

and I'm kind of nervous.

Well, I'm kind of nervous
no one is paying attention to the lesson.

I am. It's easy.

All right.
Well, put your magic where your mouth is.

Murrieta animata

Alex, what did you just do?

I did the spell you wanted.
You're welcome.

- Hello, losers.
- We're supposed to be doing it on the cup.

Well, the trophy seemed easier.
It already has legs.

See you at the finish line.

- Sorry, Dad.
- Sorry nothing.

That was my first place in state trophy
I got in high school.

You'd better find that, young lady,
before your mom sees it.

You know how she hates magic
running amok.

Plus she's still mad about all that stuff
you said about Eva Longoria.

Yeah, Mom was pretty upset
about all that stuff.

Let's relive it. We'll play parts.
I call Mom.

Stop trying to change the subject.

The rest of the lesson
was gonna be about

how we un-animate stuff
we've animated,

and now we can't do that
until you find that trophy.

Class is over.

Great,
I'm already nervous about Miranda,

now I gotta worry
about finding this stupid trophy.

Sounds like you got a lot on your plate.

Let me know
how that all works out for you.

Guys, which is better for prom?

Well, the tux says safe boy,
but the zebra jacket says:

"Danger, danger,
stay away from my daughter."

Goth girl will like you for that.

Nice one.

You guys can never agree on anything.

Yeah, I think we pretty much agree
on that's the biggest zit we've ever seen.

What zit?

Okay. Well, it can't be that big, can it?

Yeah, maybe the mirror
is like a carnival mirror.

You can hardly see it.

My baby has a zit como una montaña.

That means "like a mountain."

This is gonna ruin everything.

I can't take Miranda
to the prom looking like this.

Why not? She does like danger.

If you go with that thing,
she'll never know when it's gonna blow.

What was I thinking
getting involved with an older woman?

Papito, calm down.

I've got an old Mexican remedy here
that is much safer than popping it.

My grandmother created it.
It works every time.

- Oh, thanks, Mom.
- We just smear a little bit of this on,

then we wrap it tight
in the banana bandana.

And voilà, in three days, gone.

Three days?

The prom is tomorrow, Mom.

Oh, I just remembered
a quicker remedy.

Okay, I'm gonna need rubbing alcohol,
a wire brush and a towel for you to bite on.

What?

No.

This thing keeps beeping.
The metal man must be close.

Alex, you're on a metal staircase
with a metal detector.

Oh, I just wasted an hour
going up and down these things.

That puppy's ginormous.

Why don't we just use the acne spell I use
to keep my skin clear and velvety smooth?

Alex, you're chasing a metal man.
I don't think magic's your thing.

I'm doing you a favour.

- Just hold your head still, okay?
- Alex, don't.

- Magic only causes trouble.
- Please, I'm working.

- You got a trophy man running around...
- Murrieta animata, Murrieta animata

What? Is it gone? Did it work?

Not exactly.

That is crazy. Your zit just talked to me.

You should hear me sing.

I'll do anything but country.

What did you just do?

I don't know, you were yelling at me.
I got confused. It's all your fault.

Dad said to never yell at someone
when they're doing a spell.

He said don't yell
when he's ordering takeout.

He was so peeved
when his pork dumplings didn't come.

He's already mad about the trophy.
If he finds out about this, we're both hosed.

Excuse me, you're hosed. You did this.

I'm just the guy with the
big gross talking zit on my forehead.

Hello? I'm right here.

Alex, get this thing off of me.

Come on.

I caught the trophy man.

It was easy.
He was on the hamster wheel.

Hamster? Not too happy about it.

See, Justin? You don't have to get
your boxers in a bunch.

Now Dad will teach us
the un-animation spell,

and your zit problem will be over.

Boy, I didn't even get a chance
to spend Christmas with you guys.

You animated Justin's zit?

Sweet, I want one.

Oh, no, you don't.

- Trophy man kicked me.
- Keep on trucking.

Whoa, hey, he's in my shirt.

It tickles.

Oh, boy.

Okay.

Okay.

Hey, my underwear.

Hey, you know what?
I was wearing those for straight days.

That's it. I'm calling Miranda
and telling her I can't take her to the prom.

No, no, no, wait. I can talk to Dad.

I'm not gonna let my brother miss out
on what might be his only prom

because of some, what,
ugly, hideous thing on his face.

You guys are really rude to company.

Daddy, your bread's so good,
it's inspirational.

In fact,
it makes me wanna be a better person.

And I think I'm gonna start
with wizard's training.

Really?

Hey, here's an awesome idea
I just thought of right now.

Why don't you give me
the un-animation spell

you were gonna teach us,
and I'll start working on it?

Oh, yeah.

Why don't I give you the whole spell book,
we'll just call you a wizard?

That sounds like a lot of reading.
I'll just take the one spell for now.

Look.
With wizardry comes responsibility,

and that also means
taking care of your mistakes.

I'm not giving you that spell
until you find that trophy.

Where are you, trophy man?

Mom has a bowling trophy.
She's really cute.

Tight top, short skirt.

Please tell me
you got the un-animation spell from Dad.

- I got the un-animation spell from Dad.
- Oh, really?

No, I just felt like
I owed you some good news.

That thing's so big,
I can't stop looking at it.

But don't worry, I have a better plan.

We're just gonna pop the stupid thing.

Wait! I can help you with the girl.

- What?
- Don't listen to him.

No, no, no.
Oh, Justin, I can really help you.

How?

You were great with the girl
in biology, right?

What were you like outside of class?

Well, I don't know.

"I don't know."

Hold on. What could you do for him?

Talk him through the rough spots.

He's going with a girl
almost as pretty as you.

Oh, he's good.

I still think it's a mistake.

The mistake is not taking advice

from somebody who's been on
thousands of girls' faces.

I know what they wanna hear.

I know exactly what
you should say to them.

Give me a chance. Come on.

Maybe I could use a wing zit.

Yep, I see absolutely nothing wrong

with letting a growth on your face
tell you what to say to a girl.

Good luck.

You're gonna have to stop sweating.
It's getting into my eyes.

When are you gonna start helping me?

I've been talking about biology.
That's all I got.

I know.
She almost jumped out of the cab

when you kept going on and on
about deoxyribonucleic acid.

Just say what I say.

Here she comes.

Well, Denise says we look cute together.
And she loves your jacket.

- You're the one who looks great.
- Thank you.

Not you, the girl.

- You're the one who looks great.
- Well, thanks. You're sweet.

- No, you're sweet.
- That's lame.

- Don't ad-lib.
- Right.

- Well, you wanna dance?
- Sure.

What do you know about dancing?

Nothing. I'm a zit.

Put the hat down.
I don't wanna see this train wreck.

You're a really good dancer.

Justin's got a girlfriend.

- She's not my girlfriend.
- Girlfriend?

Don't panic. Hang in there.

Well, okay.

I'm your girlfriend.

Wow, I never thought
I'd be so grateful to a zit.

Now you got your girl.

Now it's time
for the Z-Man to have some fun.

Hey. You come with a fire extinguisher?

Because you're smoking hot.

What? How did you do that?

Do what?

I thought I heard you talk
while you were drinking.

That wasn't me.

Hey, baby. Have the cupcake.

And eat it real slow.

That was you. That's rude.

I'm sorry. Hold on.

- What are you doing?
- Oh, come on, dude. Lighten up.

I got you the girl,
now it's my turn to have some fun.

Hey, beautiful.
Can I talk to your boyfriend?

That's it. I'm popping you.

Not so fast, lover boy.

Get a load of me. I'm engorged.

You pop me and we both go down.

Hey, zebra.

Were you just
making monkey sounds at me?

Oh, look who's learned his animals.

Hey, you caught trophy man.

Yup, nothing like a duct-tape
finish line to save the day.

Look, he's still trying to get out.

Oh, it's Justin.

Hey, how's prom?

What? Huge th graders?

How many? Look, I feel bad.

I'll get the spell from Dad
and I'll be there as fast as I can.

Max, I gotta go help Justin at prom.
Go get my jacket, the really cute one.

The one that cinches at the waist
with all the little buttons. Go.

- Oh, and my matching purse.
- I know the one.

Daddy.

- I caught the trophy man.
- Great.

You wanna give me
the un-animation spell now?

Look, before we get into that,

we need to sit down
and have a long, serious talk.

I know, I know.
I'm grounded for three weeks.

How did you come up with
three weeks?

One for using magic behind your back,

another for letting the trophy man
run around the house,

and the last one for future trouble
I'll probably be getting into.

Well, that's one more week
than I would have come up with,

but we'll go with that.

Okay, say, "garibay immobilitay."

Garibay immobilitay

Great.

Even though I don't got it anymore,
I still got it.

I like the way I deal with problems.

I think this purse
goes better with this jacket.

Now I got another problem.

Guys, when I implied
you didn't know your animals,

what I meant was...

You know,
three against one really isn't fair.

Yeah.
I don't know a lot of what you just said,

but let's see if you can say it again
without any teeth.

Hey, Brian.
There's some loser in the hallway

who says that you can't do
fingertip push-ups.

Everyone knows I can do .

Come on, let's go show him.

- Thanks, Miranda.
- Don't thank me.

I wanna know what's going on.
You're acting like two different people.

I'm sorry. I know I'm being weird.

It's just that I really like you,
and nothing's going right.

- I like you too.
- Can we start all over?

Sure.

Just a hug?
I can get that from Grandma.

How about some lip action?

- There you go again. You're a pig.
- Miranda.

- Wait.
- Dude, help me out here.

I need a break. My hair gone a little flat.
I gotta go pump it up.

What? But...

- But I'm not...
- Don't worry.

Yo. Everybody listen up.

We got a guest DJ in the Kansas Room
in the Town and Country Suites.

Give it up for DJ Mad Hatter.

Yeah.

Justin in the hiz-house.
Let's raise the ceiling. Hoot, hoot.

And this is a fast one for all the ladies,

because I loves to watch you
shake that junk.

- There's nobody in the hallway.
- We must have scared him away.

Oh, hey, look,
Justin Timberlame is up on the DJ stand.

- You know, let's take that freak down.
- Hey, guys. You wanna dance?

Hey.

Why would we wanna dance
with an eighth grader?

Get lost.

I'm in ninth grade, you big idiots.

What took you so long?

If you wanna know, I missed the A train.
I had to catch the bus on th Street,

where this guy
was selling the cutest earrings...

Just do the spell.

No. Stop.

Don't do it.

I can teach you how to drive.

Garibay immobilitay

- Did it work?
- Yup.

You're back to your regular,
pimple-faced dorky self.

- Thanks.
- No, I'm sorry I got you into this.

Now go out there
and get your older woman.

Excuse me.

I'd like to apologise
to Miranda Hampson for the way I acted.

Miranda?

I'm not wearing my hat, am I?

Good job. Now pop that sucker and run.
That's all you got. See you at home.

Hey, Justin.

Hey, Miranda.

Miranda wanted to talk to you because
I told her why you were acting so weird.

Yeah, why didn't you just tell me
you had a big zit?

I would have understood.
I've got one too.

Oh, man.

Yeah, that's a honker.

Sorry, you two wanna be alone.

- Look, I was so nervous about tonight.
- Why?

Well, because I've never been
to a junior prom

with an older woman that I really like.

Oh, that's okay.

Because I kind of like
this one younger guy right now.

Oh, that's cool.

I understand. Good luck with him.

She means you, stupid.

Right. Yeah, me.

Oh, okay.

Well, I gotta get home.

- See you in school.
- Not if I see you first.

- Stop trying to be cool.
- Okay.

Thank you so much
for bringing Miranda.

That's okay. I kind of owed it to you.

You know,
giving you the talking zit and everything.

But I'm kind of gonna miss him.

He was the only one around here
who was almost as clever as me.

Yup, you're so clever.
Hey, you wanna go get some ice cream?

Sure.

Yup, you're so clever.
Now you're locked out.

That's okay. I'll catch up with Miranda
and tell her about your doll collection.

They're action figures. They're not...

So how long have you been
in this line of work?

Oh, since the first Olympics.
But I was just on a medal back then.

- I've done all kinds of trophies.
- What about tennis?

World's fastest typist?

Yeah. Oh, you know
what other trophy I've done?

World's greatest kisser.

All right, all right.
It's past everybody's bedtime.

It's time for you
to get back on the pedestal. Alex?

Garibay immobilitay