02x02 - Beware Wolf

[bunniefuu]

All right, which do you
think is cooler for my date?

Leather jacket or this hoodie?

Let's see.

Nice leather, or...

...what if we...

Good.

[exclaims]

Yep, I'd go with the hoodie.

Take it easy. I'm a mouth-breather.

[exhales]

I can't believe you let your WizTech
buddies set you up on a blind date,

and all you know from her is what you've
learned from her profile on WizFace.

You haven't even seen her.
She's hot.

And she's into all the
same things I'm into.

Please. Listen,
everybody's hot on WizFace.

They don't show their real picture,
and lie about what they're into.

What picture did she see of you?

Oh, I don't think pictures
really capture my essence.

That's why I posted a complicated
mathematical equation.

Come check it out.

[computer beeps]

Oh. I get it. Because
you're hard to figure out

nobody cares enough to try.

[sarcastic laugh]

What other embarrassing things do
you have on your embarrassing page?

Oh my gosh. I can't believe you posted
that picture with you and that centaur.

[chuckles] Don't you wish she'd told
you she was half horse and half girl

before you asked her
to WizTech Prom?

I saved a lot on a limo.

I'm just saying people, or horses,

are not always honest on WizFace.

[doorbell rings]

OK, that's Isabella now.

I guarantee you she looks exactly
like her picture on WizFace.

[clears throat]

Is this the Russo residence?

Hi.

Here's your floral wristlet.

Thanks.

And here's some mail that came
to my apartment by accident.

Oh, ma'am? [chuckles]

Take it easy.

- Whew.
- Ah!

I wouldn't "whew" so fast.
At least that lady only had two legs.

[doorbell rings]

OK. I'm sure Isabella's normal.

Oh! Forgot the floral wristlet.

Hi, I'm Isabella. Is Justin here?

Oh, well you're cute. Boo.

Justin?

Isabella?

Wow, you're even prettier
than your pictures on WizFace.

And you don't look anything like "
X equals Y squared over cosine of pi."

I know. Everyone says that.

So nice to meet you.
And even nicer for you to meet Alex,

who thinks she knows everything.

Here, take a seat. I'll go get you
some of your favorite Diet WizFizz.

You know, the soda?

I remembered from your profile.

Well, this was fun.

Can you pass me that
sweater, please?

[growling]

OK.

[growling]

[barks]

Now that was fun.

Really? 'Cause my word was "
awkward."

♪ Well you know everything's
gonna be a breeze ♪

♪ And the end will no doubt,
justify the means ♪

♪ You can fix any problem
with the slightest of ease ♪

♪ Yes please But you might find
out it'll go to your head ♪

♪ When you write a report
on a book you never read ♪

♪ With the snap of your fingers
you can make your bed ♪

♪ That's what I said ♪

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can get all you
wanted in your wildest dreams ♪

♪ You might run into trouble
if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything
is not what it seems ♪

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can have what you
want by the simplest of means ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess
with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not... ♪

♪ What it seems ♪

Hey, Alfred. Are you
ready to go walk the dog?

I don't know. There are a
lot of streets to cross

between here and the park,
where a lot could go wrong.

Hey, Mom, we're going to
walk the dog in the park.

All right, honey. Wait, wait, wait.

We don't own a dog.

This is Tucker, Mrs.
Covington's dog.

She's gonna give us five
bucks a day to walk him.

We're saving up to buy
those cups-on-a-chain

so we won't have to keep
asking you guys for cups.

Oh, you know, honey, it's really
not that much of a bother.

We own a restaurant,
we've got hundreds of cups.

We want cups-on-a-chain.
Are you in or are you out?

All right, all right.
I guess I'm in.

You know what? I'm gonna
bake some dog biscuits

from a recipe I saw on
Dog Food Network. OK?

Why do we want
cups-on-a-chain again?

How many times has someone
offered you a beverage

and you have nothing to put it in?

Never.

Well, it'll never happen again.

Oh, hi. Are you one
of Alex's friends?

No, Dad. She's with me.
[nervous laugh]

A pretty girl can be with me.

Oh, right. Of course.

I'm Isabella.
You must be Mr. Russo.

Hi.

Oh, hi. I'll get Alex.

Theresa, please.

A pretty girl can be with Justin.

Oh, of course.

Justin and I were set up by friends

and we've been getting to
know each other on WizFace.

WizFace. Really?

Oh, yeah. I hear it's a fun,
social networking site

where people from
the wizard world who

don't know each other at all
can get to know each other.

Can you come in the kitchen?

We need help with
the salami slicing.

It's Max's turn for that.

Well, we need your help with
something else. - [whispers] Yeah.

- What?
- That thing.

What thing?

Justin, get in the
kitchen right now.

All right. Come on, Isabella,
we're going in the kitchen.

No, no! No, no. No, no,
Isabella needs to stay here, uh,

because, um, because of that thing.

That thing with the... Oh,
what are we doing?

Isabella, you stay here.
Justin, come on.

Oh... Hi, Alex.

I saw that.

Saw what?

I'm not sure what I saw,
but I saw that.

Once again,
we have to discuss WizFace

and how dangerous it is because you never
really know who you're dealing with.

And how you keep buying stuff on the World
Wide Wizard Web that you don't need.

Like the Submarine-
part-of-the-month Club?

I know it seems
ridiculous right now,

but in a , months,
I'll have a complete submarine.

[sighs]

And there's nothing wrong with Isabella.
She's really nice.

Well, at least this
one's not half horse.

That centaur looked
beautiful in her prom dress.

Honey, you are missing the point.

You didn't know she was a
centaur before you met her.

She ate all the carrots
in the sub shop.

Our coleslaw was
flavorless for a week.

Mom, Dad, I hear what
you're saying right now,

but I think I'm old enough
to make my own decisions.

All right. Just do yourself a favor

and get to know her better
before you get serious.

Don't worry. It's gonna be fine.
I'm going on a date with her.

Everything's gonna be OK.
Look at her. She's fine.

[chuckles] Hey.

She totally just heard
everything we said.

We should really shut this when
we're talking about people,

and they're sitting right there.

So, uh, where are you
guys going again?

I'm taking Isabella for
a walk in the park.

Oh. She'll like that.

Hello! Hello!

Hello! Hello!

Hello! Hello!

[squirrel chitters]

Squirrel!

[growling]

[squirrel chitters]

You see I almost
caught that squirrel?

And that bus. And that cab.
And the guy on the bike.

You almost caught a lot of things.

I know. Isn't this
the best walk ever?

Yeah. I just thought
we'd walk together.

Oh, OK. Let's walk together.

And listen, if I ever
get out of sight,

all you have to do is whistle.

Hot. I like it.

Can you believe my
sister and my parents

think we don't know enough
about each other to go out?

I know. I can tell from your profile
that we're into all the same things,

cozy blankets,
long naps, car rides.

And neither one of us
likes thunder storms.

Or vacuum cleaners.

Vacuum cleaners are the worst.

If you don't wear
your shoes inside,

there's no need for a vacuum.

I love shoes.

Me, too! I wear them everywhere.

I can't wait for my parents to
see how perfect we are together.

Ow.

Hey, Alex, we're getting cups-on-chains
to wear around our necks.

[laughs] Well,
Justin's girlfriend's a dog.

Watch.

Hey, guys! Can I play?

Thank you.

Yo, Isabella! Fetch!

[growls]

Hey, Alex. Isn't Isabella great?

She's so athletic and friendly.

She says "hello" to
everyone in the park.

Yeah, your girlfriend's a dog.

What are you talking about?
She's beautiful.

You just hate that we're
perfect for each other.

She put my sweater in her mouth

and played tug-of-w*r with me.

Isabella's hiding something.

Oh, you just don't like the
fact that I'm falling in love.

Yeah. Yeah, I am.
I'm falling in love.

She ate a dog biscuit like it was a
chocolate chip cookie right out of the oven.

- [scoffs]
- She jumped in the air

and caught a plastic
flying disc in her mouth.

We both love catching plastic
flying discs in our mouth.

That's one of the many things
that we have in common.

You can't catch a plastic
flying disc in your mouth.

You can't catch a plastic
flying disc in your hands.

Oh, yeah?

Hey, Gunnar, hit me.

Good throw!

Am I bleeding?

OK, OK, the swelling's going down,

you've cried it out,
you're gonna live.

Now, Isabella, did you leave out
one piece of crucial information

on your WizFace page,
like the fact that you're a dog?

That's ridiculous.

I wouldn't be ready to
commit myself to Isabella

without having a pretty
good idea of who she is.

You're not a dog, are you?

- No.
- See?

I'm a werewolf.

Whoa. I did not see that coming.

So what?

Not seeing things coming is
the roller coaster love.

And I am strapped in,
ready for the ride.

Today, I found out my
girlfriend's a werewolf.

Yay!

How many other guys can say that?

Well, none, because I'm guessing

anybody else who could
say that has been eaten.

That's a stereotype.
We're actually very loving.

I sensed that about you.

Oh, Justin, come on!

Just admit it. You don't
know anything about her.

Oh, Alex. I can't believe
your level of jealousy.

I just hope that one day you
can be as happy as we are.

Oh, Justin, there is one more thing
that you should know about me.

Yes, my love?

When you kiss a werewolf,
you turn into a werewolf.

Ah. Perfect.

Oh my gosh, this is
gonna be so painful!

As my genetic
structure is changing,

as my spine shifts
from human to canine,

as my hands elongate
and become lupine,

waiting for the claws to sh**t
out of my fingernails... [gasps]

I love you, Isabella!

That's another stereotype.
The change is pretty fast and painless.

Really?

Oh. You're right.

[growls] Nice coat.

Thanks.

Alex, what are we gonna do?

Well, don't ask me. I proved you guys
don't know each other. My work is done.

[barks]

OK, so I'm a werewolf.

There's a price to love.
Love hurts. But I didn't die.

Just a werewolf.

I'm not gonna die, am I?

No, you're good.
Just don't chase cars.

All right, that's about as
much puppy love as I can take.

Get it? Where do I come
up with these things?

Wait. Alex, you're not
gonna tell Dad, right?

No.

Because Dad would want to
blame this all on WizFace

and then say, "I told you so."

And then he'd want
to change me back.

And maybe I don't want
to get changed back.

Maybe I like enjoy seeing
everything in black and white.

Maybe I'm perfectly
happy now as a werewolf.

With Isabella.

- What is that smell?
- It's you, dude.

- It comes with the fur.
- Oh.

Well, then I like it.

I love having fur.

I'm enjoying my new lease on life.

Don't you mean leash on life? Oh, man.
That is good one.

Up top. Oh, careful
with the claw, though.

Stop judging us with
your hurtful jokes.

Come on, Isabella.
We're obviously not accepted here.

We have to do what people in love

have done since the
beginning of time.

Run away to the only place
where animals can be free.

The park!

OK, don't forget your collars.
It's flea season!

Another one. I am on fire.

OK, we're actually going now.

And like I said, don't tell Dad
that we're going to the park, OK?

I'm not. Why are you still
here and not chasing a cat?

It's that kind of
hatred and prejudice

that makes us unable to stay
here for one more moment.

Come on, my love.

- [growling]
- [howling]

Hey, Alex, successful
day of dog walking.

I got my cup-on-a-chain.

Yep. Livin' the dream.

What's going on here?

Well, Justin's WizFace girl
turned out to be a werewolf.

They kissed,
he turned into a werewolf

and they away to spend the rest of their
lives together. So I guess it's just you
and me.

Well, hey, I got Justin a
cup-on-a-chain, but, uh...

His loss is your gain, right?

Let's have a race to see who can
fill theirs with spit first.

Go!

Oh, my goodness,
I can't live like this.

Where are you going?

To tell Dad that Justin's a werewolf
and that I need him back right away.

[owl hooting]

I'm so glad we're out here
starting our new lives together,

holding paws on this bench with nobody
stopping us, including my parents.

I don't even care if they were looking
for me and even if they heard me.

[howling]

I'm Justin Russo! [howling]

Sitting on this park bench!

Next to the lamp post. [howling]

I'm getting kind of hungry.

We should go eat some
cats or something.

Werewolves don't eat cats.
That's a stereotype.

Just like how we only
change during a full moon.

We change every night.

Even better.

It's like people watch
a couple of movies

and suddenly they know
all about werewolves.

Oh, I love those movies.
Like that one: Hey, Werewolf?

about the inner-city school guidance
counselor who understands the kids,

because he knows what it
feels like to be an outsider.

I can't believe you would watch
those movies. They're demeaning.

I mean, Hey, Werewolf?

I didn't believe Ashton
Kutcher for one minute.

Those shows make us
look like animals

instead of people with a condition,
with proper diet and exercise,

can live a normal, healthy life.

[growls, howls]

I'm sorry.

OK. I got a little worked up.

But I had no idea you
liked werewolf movies.

That's the type of thing you should've
listed on your WizFace profile.

I mean, I don't really care
where you went to chess camp.

You're mad at me because I left
something out of my WizFace profile?

I think you left something out of your
WizFace profile that's pretty big.

What?

Hmm... let me think
about what it is

while I stroke my beard.
And my arms.

And my whole body because
there's hair all over it.

[making kissing sounds]

[ball squeaks]

Most moms have to look for their
lost kids at the department store,

but no, I have to look for
my werewolf son in the park!

Hey. I said we'll get
pretzels when we find him.

We can get pretzels anywhere.

Oh my gosh,

do you smell your mom,
your dad and your sister?

But mostly your dad?

Yeah. And I see them.

And after I specifically told
them not to come after me!

Boy am I mad at her.

- Over here!
- Good.

We'll lure them over and
then make a mad dash for it.

Exactly.

I'll go this way and
you go that way.

And no stopping and digging.

Got it!

Oh, guys, there's something
I have to tell you.

You won best in show?
Congratulations.

I don't have to say,
"I told you so," do I?

No.

Well, I do.

I told you so.

You cannot trust what
people say on WizFace.

I thought we learned that when your
prom date had matching shoes and saddle.

But apparently someone has to turn
themselves into a werewolf for the lesson
to take.

My poor baby's a werewolf!

What are we gonna do?

Well, I'm not shaving him.

It's not about shaving Justin.

I remember a recipe to a potion.

Thank you. I'll drink anything.

It's not exactly a drinking potion.

Dad, this is embarrassing.

I know. It's a potion and
a punishment all in one.

I don't think it's working.
He's still hairy.

I'm cool as long as he
doesn't use my brush.

Oh, maybe you do drink it.

Yep, it's a drinking potion.

[Theresa] What?!

I didn't have to scrape eggshells and
coffee grounds out of the bottom of that
thing?

Yeah, looks like we learned
a couple of things today.

Yeah, Justin learned not
to trust people on WizFace,

and you learned what the
word "ingest" means.

I thought it meant joking.

Am I supposed to drink
my own bath water?

[both chanting] Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug!

[continue chanting]

Ugh. I think I
swallowed an eggshell.

Hey, it's good to see you again.

Yeah. I felt bad that it didn't
work out so well with us.

I guess we should have gotten
to know each other first.

I know. We didn't even get to
slow dance together at the prom.

I'm not doing anything right now.

Me neither.

Cool.