01x03 - Lost and Found

[bunniefuu]

You're good, kitten. Real good.

And when I'm bad,
I'm just the way you like it.

- So cold, so exciting, so deadly...
- So what.

You k*lled my partner, doll,
and now I'm sending you over.

That's fish four days old.
I won't buy it.

You love me too much. You know you do.
You said you do.

If you get life, I'll come visit you.

If you get the chair,
I'll still come and visit you.

Billy?

Good morning.
Ground control to Major Billy.

Burning the midnight oil, are we?

I'm on a roll, Alison. A fuel-injected
locomotive on a non-stop ride to glory.

As much as I hate
to derail your train,

- do you know what time it is?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah...

- How many t's in blood-splattered?
- Two.

Billy, you were supposed to pick up
your cab an hour ago.

A few more pages,

and I get to use the most excellent
words in the English language:

"The End."

Not so excellent
coming from your dispatcher.

One 'g' in rigor mortis.

The hell with my dispatcher.

The hell with the disbelievers, too.

I'm gonna sell this script
and blow them all away.

Excuse me, Mr Norman Mailer.

What ever happened
to the Great American Novel?

What's wrong with
the Great American Screenplay?

They sell for a million bucks
all over town.

Later, doll.

Beautiful day, eh, guys?

Custom-made for a celebration.

Honey, baby, what are you trying to do?

Just giving you a little forecast
of things to come.

Temperature's rising as we speak.

Call the boutique.
Your car broke down.

Honey, I walk to work.

Well, then tell them you got bunions.

Control yourself, Dr Mancini.
Just save a little energy for tonight.

That's so far away.

Michael, if we're gonna re-create
that night, we have to do it right.

First, we start with dinner:

- Hot dogs at Pink's.
- Heavy on the chili.

Then, home to watch a video of Ghost.

After it's over, we douse the lights,
fire up the candles,

then we make passionate,
all-consuming love,

just like the first night
we spent in IA.

- You know what they say?
- No, what do they say?

"Practice makes perfect."

First rule of living alone:
Never mix your blues and whites.

- I live alone and like it.
- You live alone and look it.

- So I see you're expecting company.
- Why?

'Cause I like clean living?

You only wash your sheets when someone
spends the night, so who's the lucky?

Silly me.

Must be Miss Beverly Hills Princess.
What's her name again?

- Chloe?
- Kelly.

My, my, I've never seen you
so serious about someone after...

What's it been, Jake?
Three or four dates?

Here.

The truth is we're friends.

The problem is
she wants more than that.

Like my life isn't screwed up
enough already.

Nothing's happened,
and nothing's gonna happen.

- Is Kelly aware of this?
- No. Not yet.

But tonight,
I'm gonna lay it on the line.

Which is not gonna be easy.

This girl just doesn't know
when to quit.

- You'll find a way. You always do.
- I just don't want to hurt her.

Better a quick painful death
than a slow agonizing one.

Here comes the sermon.

I think you're heading for serious
heartbreak with this guy, Kelly.

I've heard about guys with wounded souls
who attract women

who think they can heal them,
only the women end up wounded.

You don't understand.

Jake is just going through
a bad time.

Like that guy in the unemployment line
that Jake clobbered.

Look, he just needs me on his side,
to be there for him.

Well, you call him five times a day,
and of course he never answers.

David, shut up.
It's none of your business.

- I'm your brother.
- Stepbrother.

- Whatever.
- Kelly, believe it or not,

- we care about you.
- I know.

Thank you for your concern, really.

But I think I know what I'm doing.

OK.

- Good afternoon, Couture.
- It's me.

I was just thinking about you.

Oh, yeah? Well, look, Janey,
about tonight...

I'm on call again.

I got to assist Dr Nellman
on a coronary bypass.

You remember that sourpuss
heart patient,

the one who cursed me in Italian?

I swear, we'll be lucky
if we find a heart.

Anyway, I'll try and be home
by midnight.

And I'll pick up some hot dogs

and then we'll watch Ghost
until we cry like babies.

I'm the one who cries.
You never cry.

- I love you.
- Me, too.

I'm sorry, Mr Skalka.
Mr Bender is still in conference.

Right.

Excuse me, Mr Skalka. A very
important delivery has just arrived.

Important? Try monumental.

- The Big Shock?
- Catchy, huh?

I can just see the ads now:

"'The Big Shock' is the big shock."

Congratulations, Billy.
It's very professional. Very... weighty.

pages of blood, sweat and tears.
Fresh off the Xerox for your eyes only.

I'm the first person to see this?

- I don't know what to say.
- Say nothing. Just read.

Tomorrow I'm dropping it off
at every agent in town,

so I need feedback by tonight.

- Tonight? Billy, I'm swamped here.
- I mean it. Brutally honest...

Marla's out. I'm covering two phones.

For God's sake, guard it with your life.

We don't want it falling
into the wrong hands.

Perish the thought.

I feel like a real writer now.

Feels good.

- Hi.
- Whatcha doing, Jane?

Getting in shape for your special night?

It's off. They need him
at the hospital.

No. You don't mean that l
sound-proofed my walls for nothing?

Oh, what the hell. It was just
a silly excuse to celebrate.

You know what you need?
You need a night at sh**t.

- Get yourself good and toasted.
- Sandy, please.

You been threatening to go forever.

Thanks just the same.
I'll wait up for Michael.

You're always waiting up for Michael.

Day and night, just like a good
little doctor's wife.

Who do you think you are,
Mrs Marcus Welby?

Marcus Welby was a widower.

See what I mean?
You might as well be dead.

You're . Life is passing you by.
You gotta get out there, have some fun.

- Test the waters.
- I was just in those waters, thanks.

- They're too cold for me.
- Be independent for a change.

Enjoy yourself without your husband.

Prove that you're not a prisoner
of that little wedding band.

- I dare you.
- What is this, the third grade?

I love my life, my husband.
Everything is roses and sunshine.

- Now go to work.
- Fine.

Suit yourself.

I double-dog dare you.

Guys, this is my wife, Jane.

- Hello.
- How you doing?

- Hi.
- Hi.

Yeah, let's go, doctors.
Gotta be somebody sick in this place.

Don't hurt yourself.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah.

- Look at that. Three candles?
- Yes, one for each month in L.A.

Oh, honey, I don't know...

It's a special night
no matter where we celebrate.

Just... Just one...

Dr Fitzpatrick to outpatient clinic.

Dr Fitzpatrick to outpatient clinic.

Yeah, a message for Dr Mancini.

Tell Dr Nellman I'll be right there.

It's showtime.

Got to go to pre-op,
examine the bypass patient.

Listen, honey, you should
really get out of the house.

Be with your friends.
Have some fun.

OK?

Rhonda, are the guys getting
better looking or what?

It's just that you have
a better view without Michael here.

But don't you worry, Janey. I'll protect
you from the big bad wolves.

Now, they got it going on.
And they're looking right at us.

Bull's-eye, Jane.
You've bagged yourself a target.

Of course, a real hunter doesn't
k*ll her prey. She eats it.

No, thanks. I had chili dogs.

Leave her alone.
She's only here to warm the barstool.

Just because I'm married doesn't mean
l can't check out the merchandise.

You're here for one reason
and for one reason only:

To find out if you still got it.

Of course, you'll never know as long
as you're wearing that wedding band.

Don't look now.
They're coming our way.

The one with the dark hair's mine.

They got it going on.

OK, OK, come on. Act cool, act cool.
There's nothing to it.

Good evening, Alison.

Marathon day at the office, huh?

The understatement of the year.

Stayed late to do some reading.

This friend of mine is throwing
a party in Laurel Canyon.

You ought to join us.

Wild time, wild people...
It'll be a blast.

Thanks. I've had enough
excitement for one day.

- I read Billy's script.
- No fooling. Billy wrote a script?

- I take it it isn't a comedy.
- Not intentionally.

Matt, it is awful. It's a mishmash
of every bad movie ever unleashed.

Worst part is, Billy thinks it's great.
All his dreams are pinned on this thing.

What am I supposed to tell him?

Lie. Lie.

You could lie to save his feelings,
but that might encourage false hopes.

If I nuke him with the truth,
he'll be devastated.

Any minute now he'll be
turning in his cab.

I don't want to face him, Matt.
How can l?

Alison, you can't hide forever.
The guy shares a bathroom with you.

- I think you know what you have to do.
- Drown myself?

Make him dinner.
It'll soften the blow.

Thanks, Matt.

Coming at you.

Two Coronas, Calistoga water
for the queen of cardio-funk,

virgin Mary for the one
who wants to stay that way.

- I got it.
- No, really.

- I got it.
- Desire, one...

...purity, zero.
- Delia, go mix your drink.

So, you guys are in a rock band.

I mean, do we know you?
Should we know you?

Well, the fact is
at present we're not...

Hey, look, Jane, he's modest.
There's nothing cuter than a modest man.

Well, we just formed the group. We have
no agent, no record deal, no following.

But we do a lot of practicing.

Well, even g*ns N' Roses
had their hungry years.

Aspiring rock stars are a dime a dozen.

Your story has got to be more exciting.

Not very. I work in a boutique
on Melrose.

Really? See, that figures.
You've got style to spare.

Come on, I'm serious.
Look at you.

It's like you're lit from within
by a little piece of the sun.

- Peter...
- He writes our songs.

I can tell. Easy, Peter.
There's a speed limit in this state.

Well, I'll risk a ticket.

I mean, after all, someone as incredibly
gorgeous as you must have a boyfriend.

Technically speaking...

...not really.

Not really, then.

- Lucy, I'm home.
- I'm in the kitchen, Billy.

Oh, man, what a day.
Just one hard-nosed fare after another.

"You're going too slow."
"You're not hitting any of the lights."

I tell you, when I sell
that script of mine,

you're gonna hear a shout of freedom
that'll shatter your eardrums.

I hope you're hungry, Billy.
I'm making tuna casserole.

- Really? I love tuna casserole.
- I know.

You made me dinner?

It's no big deal.
I just used what we have around.

No big deal, huh?

Coming from the person who wouldn't
offer me a crumb of her mint Milanos?

Alison, this can mean only one thing:

You finished my script.

And this is your way of congratulations,
of telling me you loved it.

- Billy, I just thought...
- Thank you, Lord!

I knew I could trust her judgment.

You're an English major.
What better validation?

There were times when I didn't think
l would finish.

Just afraid of measuring up...
l guess all writers go through that.

All you gotta do is believe
in yourself.

I'm sorry, you can't even get
a word in edgewise. So?

Oh, my God, the pasta's boiling over.

Chocolate-chip cookie dough,
my favorite

This is ten times better than going out.

I didn't think Taco Heaven
was quite your speed.

Just the two of us spending a nice quiet
night at your place, making it together.

The lasagna, I meant.

Reggiano parmesan. It's supposed
to be a potent aphrodisiac.

- Six bucks, what a turn-on.
- Come on, it's my treat.

- Don't worry about it.
- I'm sorry.

I just know that things
are tough for you right now.

Forty-four dollars and twenty cents,
please.

Too much cholesterol.

Forty dollars.

Whack it, girlfriend!

- Hey, that's my bass arm...
- Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm just passionate by nature.

Oh, dang!

I must've lost my touch. I used to be
a pinball princess of Lake Bluff High.

Lady Jane, one more time
for the alma mater.

No, I think I better get going home.
Peter, it was nice to meet you.

You gotta be kidding. It's early, Jane.
It's too early.

Me and Alex, we gotta take off
soon anyway.

There's this happening new club
downtown. Tres exclusif.

- The bouncer plays in our band.
- You gotta come.

Sounds like a plan to me, huh, Jane?

You'll tell me about it tomorrow.

- Would you excuse us a minute?
- Yeah.

Come with us. Please, please...

What happened to being thankful
for what I've got,

the grass being greener
till you see the weeds?

That was before I met Alex.
There might be something with this guy.

I can't go alone.
I need you for backup.

- Peter's a nice guy.
- Yes, but he thinks I'm single.

Well, just play it casual.

I mean, you can handle it.
I have faith in you.

OK, but I am home by midnight.

OK.

How about where the hero
dives off the balcony

and blows away three henchmen
before he lands in the pool?

- Pretty outrageous, huh?
- Definitely.

And the ending,
did it catch you by surprise?

When the k*ller turns out
to be the transsexual ex-nun?

- Absolutely.
- Come on, Alison. What do you think?

I mean, is it really any good?

- The truth?
- Yeah, nothing but, come on.

- I hated it.
- Come on, you're joking.

You're not joking.

- What did you hate about it?
- Everything.

Please be a little more specific.

The characters weren't real.
The story made no sense.

Give me a break! I knew I shouldn't
have even given you the script.

What do you know? Nothing! Zero!

You're right. Maybe you should
get a second opinion.

Making me dinner, fattening me up...

Billy, you do have talent.
I know it's there.

You know what the problem is with you?

You... You have no taste,
just like your lousy casserole.

- That's great. Don't eat it.
- Or maybe you're just jealous.

- Jealous?
- Yeah, green with envy. Because...

...you're making peanuts
and can't stomach me succeeding.

Billy, maybe you can't take criticism.

As the saying goes: If you can't take
the heat, get out of the kitchen.

Fine. I will.

I think I've had enough.
I'm gonna go back to the table.

Spouse! Sister! Angel!
Pilot of the Fate

Whose course has been so starless!
O too late

Beloved!
O too soon adored, by me!

Percy Shelley. Very impressive.

Yeah, I quote him from time to time
in my songs.

He's a hell of a poet.
Feminist, too, you know.

He's my kind of man.
He absolutely worshipped women.

Including two wives, a stepsister
and a mistress on the side.

- I minored in Romantic lit.
- It shows.

Don't.

Looks like I finally got
that speeding ticket, right?

Hey, Jane.

Jane, what's wrong? I mean,
don't you like me a little bit?

- I like you, Peter. Really...
- Jane, well, then what's the problem?

The problem is...

...I'm married.

If you don't wanna hang out with me,
just say so.

- I can take it.
- No, I mean it.

It's funny, I don't see any ring.

Oh, God.

You're not helping the situation here.

Well, it's one way to work up
an appetite.

- Not for a salad.
- How about dessert?

Here. Let me make it better.

- Kelly...
- You know I can, Jake.

Let's not start something
that we can't finish.

I think we already have.

The first time I met you...

You felt it. I felt it.
Isn't it time we felt it together?

Kelly...

l think that we need to talk about this,
before we...

Absolutely.

I better get that.

That's why God invented
answering machines.

I should know.
I've left enough messages.

This is Jake. I can't come to the phone.
Leave a message, and I'll call you back.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, what's up?

Is everything OK?

Yeah, no, I understand. . 's cool,
just don't be any later than that.

Yeah.

Thanks.

It's a known fact that sugar is an
important wellspring of carbohydrates,

a primary source of energy.

Some doctors even say it heals wounds
by wiping out infection.

Was it really that bad?

Billy, I had to be honest.
Otherwise, I couldn't face you.

I've been writing
ever since I was a little kid.

Short stories, epic poems,
a novel or two.

They're all just lying around
waiting to be finished.

I was so proud of myself,
accomplishing the impossible.

I finally completed something.

Now I gotta face
the million-dollar question:

What if I've been fooling myself
this whole time?

What if I'm just no good?
Man, my father would like that.

He's always putting down my writing
and telling me I wouldn't succeed.

He was itching to get me to work
in his furniture store.

He wouldn't even let me have a sofa.

What if my father's right?

What if I never make it?

Nobody said it was going
to be easy, Billy.

This is your first sh*t.

Sometimes it takes awhile
to get where you want to go.

I mean, you may have to deal
with years of rejection,

of facing failure and learning
to accept it.

- The point is to go on.
- Go on. Simple as that.

All it takes is believing
in yourself, your own words.

Yeah. Well, what do I know?

- Don't tell me I blew a bulb.
- It's too bright in here.

The moonlight's much nicer,
don't you think?

Hey, what's this?
Give me a break. I just ate.

You ought to listen to his songs.

He's not afraid to show his feelings.

Come here.

Kelly...

Don't you understand how wrong this is?

See how wrong I am for you?

I understand so much more than you know.

I know what it's like to be all alone,

to have the whole world against you.

I know how hard it can be to express
what's going on inside of you.

Don't you see?
That's the reason I'm here.

That's the reason you invited me.

Don't you know how I feel about you,
or do I have to show you?

Sorry I'm late. It was k*ller traffic
all the way from the marina.

What's the deal, Jake?
Who's your friend?

This is Kelly.
Kelly, this is Margot.

- You live in the building, Kelly?
- No, no.

We were just having dinner.

Wait a minute. Let me get this straight.

Did we not have a date tonight?

Jeez, I really screwed up, huh?

You really don't give a damn, do you?

Like we're a bunch of babes ready
to jump at the snap of your fingers.

Well, we're not, pal.

- Least, I'm not.
- Marg, I'm sorry.

- What do you want me to say?
- Forget it, Jake.

You're not worth the grief.

Not worth it at all.

Come on, Marg, come on.

Think she went for it?

Oh, yeah, you were great,
but I feel like a first-class jerk.

Jake, it was all for the best.
She'll get over it.

Yeah, I know, I know.

Come on. What else could you have done?

Thanks, Marg.

I owe you one.

Why did you invite her here?

I guess it slipped my mind.

Am I so unimportant to you
that I just slipped your mind?

Hey, that's me. That's who I am.

Jake, why are you doing this to me?

Because I feel nothing for you,
or anybody.

Fine. I will just leave, all right?

But for what it's worth...

...l loved you.

You sure you had it
when you came in here?

I know I did. I'm sure I did.

You can get another one, can't you?

From where? Sicily?

It's an heirloom. It belonged
to my husband's grandparents.

Alex, let's go talk to your friend at
the door. Maybe somebody turned it in.

Hey, it's getting close to midnight.
Isn't that pumpkin time?

Let me ask you something, Jane.
Why the charade in the first place?

Look, you asked me if I had a boyfriend,
and I told you the truth. I don't.

- Is married life really a drag?
- No, it's wonderful, damn it!

- Then why did you lead me on?
- Because I'm stupid.

Things don't go your way,
so you listen to people

who are lonely and scared and jealous
of everything they don't have.

Because sometimes you forget.

Hey, can I have your number?

OK... Janey, first thing
in the morning, we'll call the club.

Chances are by then
they'll have found it.

If I hadn't forced you to come,
none of this would've happened.

Nobody pushed me. It was my choice.

And it was my responsibility, OK?

OK.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Well, I better get inside.
I'm sure Michael's waiting up for me.

You know, it's possible he won't notice.
Guys can be like that sometimes.

It doesn't matter. I'm going to just
tell him the truth.

You know, I thought that I was
missing out on something.

Fireworks, excitement,
a taste of the unknown.

When everything I was looking for
was here all along.

- You really love him, don't you?
- Thanks, Peter.

- You're a really nice guy.
- Nice guy.

Yeah, well, you know where we finish.

- See you.
- Bye.

I've been waiting for you.

I know. I'm sorry.

It just seems like it's been forever.

Michael, I went to sh**t tonight.

And...

...l did something crazy,

without thinking, l...

Billy? It's one in the morning.

Just doing a little rubbish-burning.

- Your screenplay?
- What's left of it.

- Care to do the honors?
- This is crazy.

I'm a sucker for Viking funerals.

You were right, Alison. It's junk.

I'll admit it, and I can deal with it.
But it did accomplish one thing.

- What?
- My first flop.

A red-letter day for any writer.

I can accept failure,
but I won't accept defeat.

No way am I giving up.

Not with this head of mine
exploding with ideas.

Why'd I write about private eyes for?

Next time, I'm writing about
something I know.

Something from experience.

- From the heart.
- Exactly.

Maybe about a young guy who grows up
in the wilds of the Valley,

and his dad wants him to be
the new king of the sofa-sleepers.

But this guy, he's got dreams
of his own.

He's not gonna give up on them
that easily.

Sounds like a good place to start.

You know something, Alison?

You make a hell of a tuna casserole.

- You got any left?
- Lots.

Well, well, the iceman cometh.

So, come on, Jake, dish.
How'd your little dinner party go?

It went.

It went.

I scared her out of my life.

Broke her heart into a thousand pieces.

Well, well, well,
what do you know?

The stag outran them after all.

Yeah?

Then why do I feel like
my throat's been cut?

Come on, Jake, you ought to be
used to it by now.

When you dumped me, you bled some.
But you healed pretty fast.

Jake, come on, you did the right thing.

She was too young. You just had
to spare her before she got in too deep.

Oh, yeah. I'm a regular saint, aren't l?

You and me, we're always
stirring things up.

We're always playing with other people's
heads for our own selfish reasons.

It must be nice to think of someone
else's feelings for a change.

You know, she's the only person that's
ever made me feel good about myself.

Well...

Well, what do you know? Deep inside
the iceman beats a real live heart.

Sandy, come here. Sandy.
There's something you've got to see.

- Charlie, I'm in the middle of a game.
- Would you just take a look?

Well, well, the things that turn up
emptying the dustpan.

That was incredible.

It was better than incredible.

No, it was better than that
first night we spent in L.A.

I never missed anyone as much in my life
as I missed you tonight.

Michael, something happened.

Something that I want you to know.

- Hi.
- Sandy.

Sorry to bother you, but I think
I've got something that belongs to you.

My ring.

It's a perfect fit, Cinderella.

I found Jane's ring in the laundry room.

And it just had a little bleach on it,
but it's all clean now.

Thanks.

Well, that's what friends are for.

So...

- So what?
- So come on.

Did Michael find out or what?

There's nothing to find out.
It just slipped off her finger.

Seems I'm not the only one developing
a heart here.

I guess we're both just a couple
late bloomers, aren't we?

Looks that way.

Night, Jake.

Good night, Sandy.