01x17 - Jake vs. Jake

[bunniefuu]

What a beautiful day.
It's Rick Dees in the morning.

And did you know
the acid in your stomach

is strong enough to melt steel?

And that the average American spends
years of their life sleeping?

And I got a fax from Ellen Thoe,
who wants to know...

"What do you think of
the new leader in the White House?"

I think she's gonna be fine.

What little kid wouldn't want to jump
on my lap and tell me his fondest wish?

I have ten times more childish wonder
than those old Santas.

- Like. Childlike.
- Whatever.

It's the only Christmas job open.

You know, in a funny way,
it actually connects me to my writing.

You got Father Christmas,
and then Papa Hemingway.

I think I could mix it up
and do something seriously deep

about department store Santas.

Or not.

Maybe I'll grab an M- and...

...blow everybody away at the
Beverly Centre the day before Christmas.

- Hey, you OK?
- Yeah, I'm sorry, Billy.

So Santa interview today?

What do you think I've been
jabbering about for five minutes?

You got something on your mind?

Work, that's all.

Forget about work,
Christmas is coming.

Aren't you looking forward
to going home?

Yeah, I better get going.
I'll see you later.

This is amazing. We're going away
together for two nights,

to a romantic city, we'll eat together,
be home at night together,

- actually be like real married people.
- Yeah.

I can't believe Levin recommended me
for the Family Practice Seminar.

Now I know this sounds crazy,
but last night I was thinking

it could be to get me out of rotations.

- Honey.
- Maybe he thinks I'm slipping.

You don't look a gift horse
in the mouth, you x-ray the damn thing.

Sweetheart, you're a terrific doctor.
Accept the reward.

Yeah, I just feel like
I'm ditching school or something.

You are unbelievable.

I talk Kay into letting me go
to San Francisco to be a secret shopper

just so I could be in the
City by the Bay with the man I love,

but you are being too neurotic
to appreciate it.

Take your pants off, doctor.

- Jane... cut it out.
- I think...

...that you need
a little taste of romance.

- We'll be late for the plane.
- It won't take long.

We'll get right to the point.

Hey, Billy.

- Spot me , would you?
- Twenty? What for?

This old girlfriend called.
I haven't seen her for years.

- She wants to have lunch and I'm broke.
- sh**t has a two for one deal.

She's staying at a great hotel.
I don't want to look like a deadbeat.

- You guys must have been tight?
- This is the one that got away.

Alison, you do have
some enlargement of your uterus,

which would account
for your discomfort.

What do you mean "enlargement"?

You shouldn't be worried.
It can mean any number of things.

Have you been sexually active recently?

Well, I was seeing somebody,
but that ended about a month ago.

Is there any possibility
you're pregnant?

Well, we used protection
and I haven't missed my period.

That's no guarantee, unfortunately.

We'll run some tests
to make sure, all right?

Wait, do you really think
I might be pregnant?

Just wait here for the nurse.
She'll set you up.

Strawberries.

We're short a flat of strawberries.

OK, I'll go.

Excuse me, miss,
I believe you have my berries.

Can I have them back?
These are special order.

- Marsha said they're mine.
- I don't have time to mess around.

Then don't.
I'm working with a halfway house

and these are donated berries
for street kids.

I paid for the damn things
and they're mine!

I don't care, they're mine!
What is your problem?

- You a natural born bully or what?
- Rhonda...

...I found our strawberries
on the front seat of the van.

I'm sorry.

- It's all right.
- No, it's not all right.

- You're rude, mister.
- It's my fault really.

- Hey, my name's Terrence Haggard.
- Get out of my face!

Maybe I was a little bit out of line.
Maybe I was a lot out of line.

- Maybe I was an idiot.
- Yeah, so?

I'd like to make it up to you,
take you out to dinner or a movie.

Look, I must've been nuts or I would
have shut up about the damn berries

and told you how great you are.
Your look, your spirit, the temper...

I can be interesting,

or at least tolerable
as long as we're not fighting over food.

I'm actually kind of shy.

Here, here you take these
and give 'em to the kids.

Keep your strawberries, shy boy.

Thank you We can always
use another donation, thanks.

Well, Alison, you're not pregnant.

But if you can call your job
and stay a little longer,

I'd like to take some blood
and do a sonogram.

Is it serious?
What's wrong with me?

I really don't know,
that's why we need to do the tests.

Listen, there's some good news here.

You had your regular exam
just two months ago and you were fine.

So we know the time frame
of whatever is going on.

And you are a responsible young woman
and that helps us take care of you.

All right.

- Do you have any idea what's going on?
- I don't want to speculate.

It could be any number of things.

Why don't we just see what it is
and then take care of it, all right?

I almost forgot, the lab needs
your insurance number for processing.

- Can't they just bill me?
- It's a hospital lab.

You do have hospitalization insurance?

- No. Not really.
- Oh, I see.

Well, I don't want to alarm you, Alison,
but you might very well need it.

Seattle? Well, I guess we both
had to get out of the boondocks.

Do you remember that summer
we both worked at the truck stop?

Months of throwing ham and pancakes in
front of long-haulers fried on bennies.

Didn't you get into a fight with one?

- No.
- Yes, you did.

Yeah, well you know,
I did that kind of thing back then.

- Yeah.
- I've changed a little.

As you can see, I'm married.
Three years, now.

- Yeah. Congratulations.
- Thanks.

It's hard to imagine you in a t-shirt
and cut-offs, on the back of my bike.

- It was a long time ago.
- It wasn't.

What was it, five years?

Yeah, about that.

Are you ready to order yet?

Could you just give us a minute?

- Sure.
- Thanks.

Jake, I'm here on business
and my husband and my son are with me.

- You have a kid?
- Yeah, I do.

And the business involves him, actually.

His name is David
and he's four and a half years old,

and...

...biologically, at least,
you're the father.

We were having a hard time then,

and when you told me you were coming
out to California, I couldn't...

I couldn't bring myself
to tell you I was pregnant.

- Why not? I mean, I could've helped.
- No, Jake, you had to go then.

I understood, I still understand.

But then Robert came along

and he turned my life around.
He's a good man, Jake.

He's also...

Lucky for us, he's also very successful.
He's the only father David's ever known.

I was not given a chance,
you never told me.

I know, I know.

But now you can do something for David,

if you want, and for me.

If you sign these papers, it means
that Robert will legally be David's dad.

It would mean a lot to us.

That's your business?

You tell me I have a son,
and then you tell me to give him away?

Jake, when David was born
I was thinking about you. I loved you.

Your name is on his birth certificate
as the biological father.

What's he like?

Is he a nice kid?
Is he a smart kid?

He's great. He's...

He's a great kid.

Please do this for him, Jake.

Please?

No.

This isn't right.

If I'm the father, then that's
the way it is and I'm not going away.

That's what I can do for David.

What is it about this place
that sucks us all in?

I got some things on my mind.
I'd kinda like to be left alone.

I can see that.
Sometimes it helps to air things out

with someone who isn't so honest.

I mean, just because I can't be trusted
doesn't mean I can't be a good listener.

Come here.

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

- So.
- So.

I had this girlfriend back in Washington
who showed up today

and she told me that...

...I have a kid.

A little boy.

God, Jake.

Wait, is this a situation
where you know it's yours?

Colleen wouldn't lie to me
about something like this.

She doesn't want me in the picture,
she wants me out of the picture.

She wants me to sign something
so her husband can adopt him.

- He's the only father the boy's known.
- Oh, this is tough.

I didn't know about the kid.

- Would it have made a difference?
- It makes a difference to me now.

How am I supposed to go on knowing
that there's a piece of me out there?

That I have a son out there.

I want him and I want him
to know that I want him.

I want to bring him home with me.

You think I'm crazy?

No.

I think you might be wrong.

I mean, I know this is painful for you,

but what about the family
you're going to be blowing up?

Stop calling them a family,
they are not a family.

I'm the father. He's my son.

You know, I will never
understand you guys

who think just because you love somebody
you have to own them.

That's not what I'm talking about.

But let me tell you this.

I don't want to talk to you, all right?
I do wanna be alone.

Hey, it's your call.

I understand, Dr Miller.

Thanks. I'm fine.

Thank you for calling.

I'll work it out.

All right.

OK, goodbye.

What was that about?

Nothing, I mean,
nothing to worry about.

- Something I have to take care of.
- What do you have to take care of?

- You've been acting weird.
- Nothing you can do anything about.

I can do a lot of things,
including being a friend, if you let me.

You drank the last soda.

You want to do something?
Go buy some more.

Haggard for two, please.

- I hate it when they do that.
- Do what?

Hardly look at you.

If you're not wearing Armani,
you've got some kind of disease.

It's not his fault.
Maitre d's are born that way.

Still, I'd like to poke
his little eyes out.

That's kind of drastic,
don't you think?

See what I'm saying?

You think they could have stuck us
further back in the bus?

It's not that bad. The food is the same
all over the restaurant.

But do you think this is a racial thing,
or cos we look like we don't have money?

Probably both.

Why don't we go over to Pink's,
pick up a couple of dogs

and drive over to the beach?

- Now what?
- I'm sorry.

The chef wants to talk to the owner
about our dinner.

And I'm the owner.

Are you gonna jump now?

- You gonna jump?
- Superman!

One, two, now!

- Wait over here.
- OK.

What are you doing here?

- I came to see him, I guess.
- Save it, all right?

I tried talking to you yesterday,
you wouldn't listen.

What now? You going to break something,
throw a punch?

- I'm not hurting anybody.
- You and I have a big problem.

You want to help figure it out?
Pick up the phone and call me.

But don't pull this macho crap, Jake.
It won't work.

Rhonda, I've been looking for you.

Hi, I said I might
see you again, but...

I dropped by on a whim to see if
you wanted to go with me for a picnic.

Your friend Matt said you were
walking down this way, so would you?

Would I what?

Go with me to Catalina.

It's beautiful now.
There's no tourists, great air...

...dramatic ocean.
- I'd love to,

but I've got errands to run
and a Saturday class to teach.

All right.

Well then, allow me
to be your chauffeur.

This isn't the same car
you were driving last night.

The Toyota is for schlepping produce.

This is my town car.

- I told Matt you weren't pretentious.
- Well, I am.

- Where to?
- Just to the corner and make a right.

So, you still want to
go out tomorrow night?

- You bet.
- Good.

Little girl,

you think Santa needs
another pillow for his belly

so it jiggles like a bowl full of jelly?

Oh good, you got the job.

Santa works every day of the year,

so that he can make good little
children have a merry Christmas.

And what about you?
What do you want for Christmas?

What's wrong?

Do you have a bad Santa in your past?

God, this is so embarrassing.

I'm sorry. No more jokes.

What is it?

- I have a tumor.
- What?

It's not cancer.
It's a benign one.

A fibroid in my uterus,

and it's growing fast.

And they don't know why

and they want me to have it out,
in an operation.

Oh, God. Are you sure
they have to operate?

Maybe they could give you medicine
or something.

Sometimes they grow too fast for that.

And where this one is, it could
mess up my chances of having children.

Listen, I know it's scary

but I will be there for you.

I will take you there
and I will take care of this.

I will take care of you.

That's just it, Billy.

I don't have health insurance.

And I can't pay for the hospital,

or the operation, or anything.

Can't you call your parents?

I can't ask them.

My father is out of work.
They're living off savings.

And the stupid thing is,
I was saving up for health insurance.

It was the first thing on my list.

OK. OK.

There is a way, OK?

I mean, there has to be.

Somehow, Santa, when it comes
from you, I almost believe it.

Believe it.
It's gonna be all right.

Hi, I came to apologize
for last night at sh**t.

Sometimes I go off the handle
about stuff that's none of my business.

Yeah, well, it's OK.

Do you mind if I bring in
my peace offerings?

You look like you could use a snack.

We don't have to talk about anything.

I've been thinking

that I should see a lawyer and try to
get joint custody, if not full custody.

I don't care how you look at it,
Colleen lied to me.

- Is this for your son?
- Yep.

I tried to see him today.
That didn't go over very well.

I know you don't think
that this is right.

I know you don't agree with me,
but I could be a good dad.

You know, my mom came down here
a couple of months ago,

and it was pathetic.

Suddenly she wants to be my mom,
and all I'm feeling is sorry for her.

Is that gonna be David and me?

He's gonna think I don't care for him,
I just ran off.

No, this is you and David.
Not you and your mother.

It's a whole different situation.

I don't know.
Sometimes I feel like...

...I am a good enough mechanic,
but that's it.

I'm not good enough to be a dad.

Or a husband,
or anything else that's...

...adult.

I want to do something right.

I want to take care of that kid.

What are you going to do?
I mean, really.

I told you.

Have you thought about what it would
be like to have a kid in your life?

And what that life
would be like for him?

- And the expense, if nothing else.
- Thanks for the wine, Jo.

Listen, I'm not trying to lecture you.
I think I understand how you feel.

- I just have to be honest with you.
- I know.

But you don't understand this
and you don't understand me.

This is very sweet of you, Billy.

I don't know what good
this is going to do.

You've got to deal
with bureaucrats face-to-face.

My dad still pays for his utilities
in person.

We want to make them deal
with a human being.

Parker, Alison.

Admission to the hospital without
proper insurance is against policy,

unless you are on some kind
of public assistance.

- No, I'm not. I work.
- I see.

But no medical insurance
of any kind?

- No.
- You really should look into that.

Another option of course,
is pre-payment.

Myomectomy, let me see...

Yes, here we are.
Eleven for the procedure,

room cost, three nights,
anticipated medications.

That is thousand prepaid,

and we just deduct the fees
as they occur.

- What about a payment plan?
- Don't have them.

If she had that kind of money,
she'd have insurance, wouldn't she?

I know that,
but I don't make the rules.

Billy, it's OK, let's just
go to another hospital.

You can try, but we all have
the same rules.

Thank you. But you don't mind if we
don't take your word for it, do you?

We must've hit every hospital in LA.

They had the same clerk,
the same answer.

It was like The Twilight Zone.

Is this where we parked?
Someone steal the car?

- It's down there, I can see it.
- Great. Another half a mile.

Maybe I'll just take a chance
and not have the surgery.

Dr Miller said sometimes fibroids
go away by themselves.

You had a second opinion and they both
said you have to have it out.

- And soon.
- Billy, I'm tired. Don't yell at me.

I'm sorry.

If we haven't figured out
something by tomorrow,

- then I will borrow from my parents.
- Oh, Billy.

You're a great friend,
but you're not really Santa Claus.

- This is my problem.
- Hey, you are my best friend.

OK, I care about you,

and I'm going to do everything
I can to help you. Everything.

So get used to it. Including
driving you home. Give me the keys.

We're still not borrowing money
from your parents.

Take the umbrella.

'Tis the season already.
Can you believe it?

- My first Christmas with palm trees.
- Pine, palm, what's the difference?

You should have seen San Francisco.

The decorations on Geary Street...

And it was beautiful.

When you were up there hobnobbing
with your medical thieves.

- What's wrong with you?
- Nothing.

I'm sick of doctors, their insurance,
rules and regulations.

- Billy.
- I'll try not to take it personally.

That's what the conference was about.

Some of these people are very concerned
with improving health care.

You're in this business
to make a very big buck.

The rest is so we don't notice
you putting it in your pocket.

Excuse me.

Wow, look at that.

Don't laugh, you guys.
But we're going to the symphony.

- Who's laughing? We're jealous.
- You are beautiful.

My God, it's Cinderella.

Where did you get that dress?

- I had to twist her arm a little bit.
- No, not really.

Terrence, these are my friends.
Alison, you know Matt, Jane, Michael.

- How do you do?
- This is Terrence Haggard.

- Good to meet you.
- We have to go.

Our pumpkin awaits.

- See you.
- Have fun.

- OK.
- Bye-bye.

She looks beautiful.

- Good night, guys.
- Hey, Alison, what's eating Billy?

Nothing. He's trying to help me out
and it's been a long day.

Well, is it a medical problem?

Yeah, but it's a long story
and I'm exhausted.

- Can we talk about this tomorrow?
- No, let's talk now.

Maybe I can help.

Thanks.

After Dr Miller
you got a second opinion?

Yeah, and he said the same thing.

The fibroid is growing fast and
they're afraid it could do some damage.

God, it is so disgusting having
something growing inside your body.

So no medical insurance
and no way your parents can help?

Weren't you just listening to her?

Billy, would you calm down, please?

Sorry, my feet hurt
and I hate everybody right now.

It's all right. It's all right.

Look, I'll get into this tomorrow.

I'm not exactly sure what I can do,
but I might be able to get you in.

- Thanks, Michael.
- OK.

Now get some sleep.
Both of you.

Thank you, doctor.

Oh, you got sodas.

At least I can do something for you.

Listen, I'm not going to do
the Santa thing.

- I'm gonna stick by you through this.
- You don't have to do that.

I know.

Whatever happens in all this,
there is one great thing.

I got a real best friend.

- Good night.
- Good night.

- What are you doing here?
- I tracked you down.

I was always pretty good at that.

I thought maybe we could talk.
Can we?

No. I've got to finish this bike
by morning.

I could help.

I know my way around a bike.
I don't mind getting dirty.

' Electra Glide?

' .

I always loved Harleys.

Everything's pretty much
cleaned up, but...

Some of the parts are a little dinged.

You have heads for a ' XLH?

- They'll match.
- Yeah, I know.

Well, let's get started.

Look, Colleen, I really don't need
any help with this.

I'm sorry things turned out
the way they did.

I'm sorry we didn't get to settle down.

I would've been happy in a trailer.
You wouldn't have been.

That was four years ago.
This is now. It's not about you and me.

No, it's about family.

And I have one now,
so does David.

Jake, he's so happy.

My kid doesn't need me? Nobody does.
You want me out of the way.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Think about what you can do for David.

By signing your name you can give him
what you and I never had, a home.

A mom and dad living in the same house,
loving him and each other.

You know how much you wanted
a solid home. Give that to your son.

You can't build a life on lies.
Does he know I'm his father?

He knows Robert
isn't his biological father.

He also knows when he grows up
he can meet his biological father.

But understand me, Jake.
Robert is his "real" father.

He's there for him every day.
He's devoted his life to him.

Did you think you could
just come down here

and I would just sign away
and not give a damn?

Maybe I want a son in my life, maybe
I need direction and responsibility.

You don't need David for that Jake.
You can do that for yourself.

There's just so many damn things
I want out of life that don't fit.

I'm pissed off at you.
You got what you want.

Somehow it feels like you
took that away from me and...

And that's it.

Boy, I am just always pissed off
about something though, aren't I?

I guess it's just part of your
natural animal magnetism.

I've got to finish this
so I'll see you later.

Come on, Jake,
we haven't finished talking.

Colleen, I'm trying, OK?
Back off a little bit.

I'll call you tomorrow.

OK.

Colleen Patterson's room please.

Hi.

Is your mommy there?

Hi, it's Jake.

Look, let's work something out.

I just want to spend a little time
with David, that's all.

You don't have to tell him who I am.
I just want to see him up close.

No.

Good, good.

Over the top.

Yeah, fine.

Yeah, fine.

- Where are you going all duded up?
- I got a lunch with my kid.

Don't let it go to your head.
You might be right.

- It will. Have a good time.
- I'll see you soon.

Honey, sit up.
This is a grown-up lunch. Sit up.

You want me to cut that cheeseburger?

No.

- The silly man forgot the french fries.
- He's not a silly man.

They'll be here soon.
Just be patient.

You and my mom were yelling
at each other yesterday, right?

- Right. It didn't mean anything.
- We were just having an argument

the way you and I have
arguments sometimes.

My dad's big like Batman,
so you can't hurt him.

But he just can't fly like Batman.

Superman flies.
Batman swings around on a rope.

No! They all fly except Spiderman,
cos spiders don't fly.

- David, calm down.
- We're having an argument.

- Aren't we?
- Yeah, sure, we are.

We can argue because
you're my mom's friend.

- Here you are, sir.
- The fries.

Do you and Robert
dip your fries in mayonnaise?

No, just David.

It's pretty gross, if you ask me.

Where's Dad, Mom?
Is he gonna have lunch, too?

No, sweetheart.

So... you have some papers
for me to sign, don't you?

- Michael, hi. Did you find something?
- Maybe. Do you have a second?

D & D, would you hold one minute?
Thank you.

Ken, would you watch the phones
for a minute?

Thanks.

I have some great news.

I can get you admitted
as a teaching patient.

There will be some inconvenience,

students taking your blood pressure,
doctors asking questions,

but there's no charge.

Except for the room, of course,
which is not chicken feed.

God. Thanks, Michael.
I can't believe you pulled this off.

- What would I do if I didn't know you?
- You do, so take advantage of it.

Sign these forms where they're marked.

Get them back to admissions by . .

I gotta get back,
it's my lunch minute.

Michael, one thing.

Do you know what they're
going to do to me, really?

- Do you think it's going to be OK?
- Dr Miller has a good rep.

I spoke to her this morning.
You're in good hands.

You're scheduled for surgery next week.

I don't know how to thank you, Jake.

I always knew you were a terrific guy,
I guess I just didn't know how terrific.

Yeah, well...

you take care of,
you know, everything.

- Say goodbye to Jake, David.
- Is this yours?

- Yep.
- Can I sit on it?

Sure.

There you go.

- This is neat.
- Oh God, now we're in trouble.

Come on, sweetheart,
give Jake a hug goodbye.

Bye, motorcycle man.

I brought you a gift.

I...

I don't know what to say...

"Thank you" would be enough.

Yeah, thanks. Wow.

How'd you get this?

I followed you
and scoped out the place.

What can I say? I'm a snoop.

I owe you big time for this.

I'll collect later.

Bye.

You're gonna be OK, kid.

You're gonna be OK.