03x13 - New Student Starfish/Clams

[bunniefuu]

( ship's horn blaring )

( snoring )

( blaring )

Time for boating school!

Let it rip, Gary.

( slurping )

Ah...

Ta-dah!

Not bad, partner in crime.

The toast could have been
a little darker, though.

See you later.

Hey, SpongeBob, want
to go jelly fishing?

Sorry, Patrick, I can't.
l have school today.

What am I supposed to do all day
while you're at school?

I don't know. What do you
normally do when I'm gone?

Wait for you to get back.

Wait a second, Patrick.

Why don't you come
to school with me?

Hey, that's a great idea.

You and me in school together
as classmates.

Think about it!

Wow.

Brace yourself, Patrick.

I'm about to introduce you

to the greatest academic

thrill ride of your lifetime.

( laughing excitedly )

I have no line.

Behold, Patrick,
the hallway of learning.

And here's the fountain
of learning.

And these are the lockers
of learning.

And these are the stairs
of learning, right?

No, they're just the stairs.

These are the stairs
of learning.

Where's everyone?

I don't know.
Home, probably.

Class doesn't
start till : .

: ?

But I thought
you said you were late.

Late for being early.

Hey!

When did I start
wearing a watch?

And now for the room
with the most class:

the classroom.

Huh?!

And here's the chalkboard.

It's the ladle
that helps us drink

from the fountain of knowledge.

Oh!

And those drinks
are recorded here

on the Good Noodles Board.

Huh? Oh, sorry.

( gasps loudly )

Attendance.

Penmanship.

Basic Desk Sanitation.

Advanced Desk Sanitation.

I'll add your name

so you can start collecting
good noodle stars, too.

There you are.

Look at all the stars you have.

I'll never be that good.

Oh, now, Patrick

I'm just like everyone else

no matter how many stars I have.

Ahem!

( high-pitched ):
Seventy-four.

Who said that?

Was it him?

I doubt it.

That's Roger,
our class science project.

What does he teach us?

The greatest lesson of all:
the precious value of life.

You see, Patrick, Roger Shell
represents the fragile line

between life and death
when behind the wheel of a boat.

This lightbulb
represents knowledge.

And without its energy
and warmth,

within minutes, Roger would die.

Life, death!
Life, death!
Life, death!

Life, death!
Life, death!

Patrick!

Sorry.

The best part of being early is,

you get to sit close
to the teacher.

Think you can handle
the second chair?

I'm learning!

This is gonna be great!

( both giggling )

Hello, class.

My name is Mrs. Puff.

And the only reason I say that
is because I see we have

a new student.

Young man, why
don't you stand up

and introduce yourself.

Who's the fat kid talking to?

You, Patrick;
she's the teacher.

Oh.

Come on, now,
tell the class your name.

Don't be nervous.

Uh... Duh...

( teeth chattering )

We just want to know your name.

( stuttering ):
Duh... Duh...

( teeth chattering ):
Duh...

Duh!

Twenty-four.

( laughing hysterically )

Oh, great, another genius.

( laughter continues )

( forced laughter )

Why are they laughing?

I guess it's just in the timing.

Oh.

( laughing )

Today's first lesson
will be on "Turning."

Twenty-four.

( both snickering )

Hey, Patrick.

What?

I thought of something
funnier than .

Let me hear it.

( stifled laugh )

Twenty-five.

( both stifling laughter )

MRS. PUFF:
That's enough!

Young man, this
is your first day

so I'll let you
off with a warning.

As for you, SpongeBob,

I expect more
from a good noodle.

Pay attention.

Yes, Mrs. Puff.

Now, then, "Turning":

what every driver should know.

When you are turning,

it is important
to signal at least...

( gasps )

"Big Fat Meanie"?!

Patrick, you can't do that!

She's the teacher.

What about the teacher?

( yells )
What...

( teeth chattering )
( gasps )

As if I really look like this!

SpongeBob, I believe you know

the punishment
for two classroom disruptions.

No.

I'm sorry, SpongeBob,

but if one wishes
to be a good noodle,

one must behave
like a good noodle.

( blubbering ):
I'm a good noodle!

I'm a good noodle!

You'll get this star
back when you earn it.

Nooo!

( bawling )

No! No! No!

No! No! No! No! No!

No! No!

( groaning )

Mrs. Puff,
is it nap time?

SpongeBob, I've had enough
of your nonsense.

Now collect your things

and move to the available desk

in the back of the room!

But... me? But why?

Because the Big Fat Meanie
said so.

Now go!

Thanks a lot, Patrick.

Sure thing, buddy.

Oh, I guess I could be
a good noodle from back here.

Now, as I was saying,
when turning left, you must...

It's so hard to hear.

What kind of student
sits back here anyway?

"SKOOL is CHUMPS."

Where am I?

( whispering ):
Psst! SpongeBob.

Just ignore him, SpongeBob.

Psst!

SpongeBob, over here.

Whatever you do,
don't look at him.

Psst! SpongeBob.

( grunts )

Psst!

SpongeBob!

SpongeBob?

SpongeBob!

SpongeBob.

Psst!

Over here.

I'm trying to tell
you something.

Something important.

What?!

Hi.

( screaming ):
Hi!

( growling )

Perhaps this would be
a good time for recess.

Hey, buddy.

Funny stuff in there.

Funny stuff.

( door slamming )

There is nothing funny about
what you did in there, Patrick.

You got me in trouble.

You got me moved
to the back of the room!

You cost me one
of my good noodle stars!

Who cares about a stupid star?

Gee, Patrick, it seems like

you would care a lot
about stupid stars,

considering you are one.

I'll deal with you after class.

It is after class.

GROUP:
Fight! Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight!

I don't see anyone
fighting, do you?

They're talking about us.

We're fighting.

I don't mind if I do.

( grunting )

Fight! Fight! Fight... fight...

( both grunting )

This is embarrassing.

What's going on here?

Well?

SpongeBob and I were fighting.

( gasps )

Fighting?

Well, I can't believe
I'm saying this, but...

SpongeBob Squarepants, I hereby
sentence you and your friend

to detention.

Detention?

May Neptune have mercy
on your soul.

( bell ringing )

In one day I've gone from
good noodle to bad egg.

It's all stupid Patrick's fault.

I hate you, Patrick.

I hate you more.

Well, I'd hate you
no matter what.

Yeah? Well I'd hate you
even if I didn't hate you.

l'd hate you
even if that made sense.

l'd hate you
even if you were me.

That's how much I hate you.

I'd hate you even if, uh...

mm...

I'd hate you even
if the lightbulb

keeping Roger alive went out.

( gasps )

( shivering )

( whimpering )

( sleigh bells ringing )

( groaning )

( wind whistling )

( both sobbing )

I'm sorry I called you
a stupid star!

I'm sorry I got you in trouble

and got you moved
to the back of class

and got your good
noodle star removed

and shot spitballs...

l'm sorry
your apology is so long.

Me, too. Let's save Roger!

I'll keep him warm

and you get a lightbulb
from the supply closet.

( gasps )

Lightbulb.

But why does it have
to be so far away?

( breathing heavily )

( glass breaking )

( yodeling )

( playing horn )

I'm coming, SpongeBob!

Oh, where's Patrick?

Oh, forget it.

l've got to go
find Roger some warmth.

The lightbulb!

Without its warmth,
Roger will die.

Roger!

Without him,

the lightbulb will have
nothing to warm.

We did it, Patrick.

We saved Roger's life.

MRS. PUFF:
Good job, boys.

I saw the whole thing

from behind
my one-way chalkboard,

and I couldn't be happier
with your teamwork.

l've decided to give
you each one gold star,

although I'm not sure
what saving an egg

has to do with boating school.

Boating school?

I thought this
was Spanish class.

See you, SpongeBob.

See you, Big Fat Meanie.

( cracking )

( chirping )

Hey, what'd I miss?

FISH:
Uh...

Uh, what do you like better?

The coral bits
or the nacho oyster skins?

I like neither.

Can I take your order?

How about the barnacle rings?

Are they any good?

No. What will you have?

Well, uh, what's your vote
on the kelp...

Sir, let's just get
this out of the way.

I hate everything on the menu.

Now what do you want?

Psst. Try
the coral bits.

Uh, I'll try the coral bits.

That'll be one dollar.

( rings )

( alarm blaring )

What's going on?

Something stupid, I'm sure.

( lively music playing )

Yippee!

( laughing )

( laughter continues )

Whoo-hoo! Whoa! Whoa!

Whoo-ha! Whoo-ha! Whoo!

See? I told you.

What's wrong with Mr. Krabs?

( squeaking )

Nothing, lad.

Do you know what this is?

A very dirty dollar?

No! This is my one millionth
dollar earned.

Every Krab's goal in life
is to make a million dollars

and now I got mine.

Congratulations, sir.

You have just given me
my one millionth dollar.

Ha, great.

Uh, what do I win?

Nothing.

Now get out.

Uh, what?

Get out!

Everybody get out!

You're spoiling me moment.

Me millionth dollar.

Congratulations,
Mr. Krabs.

Congratulate
yourselves, lads.

A captain's nothing
without his loyal crew.

I mean, a crew like you
comes along

maybe once in a lifetime.

And to reward you
for helping me

make me millionth dollar,

I'm taking you on a trip.

Wow! A trip!

I can't believe
it, Mr. Krabs.

Where are we going,
Fancy Springs?

No.

Pamper Island?

Try again.

Oh, oh, oh!
Bikini Bottom
Folk Village.

Better than that.

( fog horn blaring )
Clam fishing?

This is the reward we get
for all our hard work?

Fishing for stinky clams

in a smelly, old boat
on a filthy lagoon?

You call this fun?

Aw, come on now,
Squidward.

Three fellas at sea
with nothing to do

but throw their lines
in the water,

catch a few clams
and then throw them back.

Don't you think that's fun?

No.

And to think I could be wearing
a powdered wig right now.

Hey, Squidward,
you want me to
cast out over here

so you can watch me?

How about you
cast out over there

so I can ignore you.

Okay.

( sputtering )

( grunts )

Hey, watch where
you're swinging that...

SpongeBob, be careful with...

( Squidward screaming )

Okay, I've had enough.

( chuckling )

Oh, Squidward,
you got to lighten up.

Sure, the lad's a bit overeager,

but you've got to learn

to roll with the punches.

Go with the flow.

And don't bring anything
on the boat

that you ain't prepared to lose.

( chuckles )

( gasps )

Me millionth dollar!

SpongeBob, wait!

SpongeBob, you hooked
me millionth dollar

on the back swing.

Reel it in before I keelhaul ya!

( ominous orchestral music
plays )

Oh, no.

SpongeBob, quick, reel it in!

Can't you hear the music?

That's a / string
ostinato in D minor.

Every sailor knows
that means death.

Reel it in before it's too late.

Hurry, SpongeBob!

The music is getting faster!

There you are,
you stinking bilge rats!

Stop playing that music!

Stop it, please!

I'm begging ya.

Come on, honey.
You can make it!

Swim faster!

Come to me, baby!

Come on back!

Hurry, SpongeBob!

Here she comes.

Oh, please, please,
please, please.

Please, please, please.

She made it!

Yeah!

Yeah, oh, oh! Oh, ho-ho!

For a second or two,
I thought she was a goner.

( ominous orchestral music
resumes )

( bawling )

So, some trip,
eh, Mr. Krabs?

Oh, Squidward,

you're never gonna believe it.

A giant blue-lipped clam
ate me millionth dollar!

( bawling )

I lost me dollar

and I'll never get it back.

Never, never, never, never.

I've never seen Mr. Krabs
so broken up.

( sobbing )

Oh, please.

He's such a drama queen.

Come on,
Mr. Krabs.

Drop the act.

( blubbering )

Mr. Krabs, it's
just a stupid dollar.

( blubbering )

For Pete's sake,
Mr. Krabs.

Suck it up!

( blubbering )

Mr. Krabs.

( wailing )

Mr. Krabs.

( blubbering )

Okay, okay,
Mr. Krabs.

We'll help you get
your dollar back.

You will?

Great!

Wait right here.

Here's where clam fishing
gets serious.

Okay, you boys man
the fishing poles.

And I'll keep me eyes peeled
for Old Blue Lip.

Aye, aye, Captain!

And remember, we don't leave
until we catch that clam

and rescue me dollar.

( bird squawking )

That's it.

I'm finished.

We've been here for three days

and haven't gotten a nibble.

This is hopeless!

Yeah, and I've got to
get home to feed Gary.

We're gonna die out here

just because a clam ate
Mr. Krabs' stupid dollar.

Well, if he wants
his dollar back,

I say we give it to him.

Know what I mean?

Huh? Huh? Huh?

Oh, I get you.

( jabbering )

BOTH:
Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs!

♪ Look what we got. ♪

Oh, could it be...

Me millionth dollar?

( laughing )

Whoo-hoo! Whoa! Whoa-hoo!

( laughing )

( laughing uncontrollably )

Whoo-hoo! Whoa!

Wait a minute.

( squeaking )

This isn't me millionth dollar.

This is an ordinary dollar

that's been crumpled up,

torn slightly,
soaked in the lagoon

and kissed with Coral Blue
Number Two Semi-Gloss Lipstick.

Actually, it's Coral Blue
Number Three.

l trusted you,
and you gave me this?!

I can't believe

me own crew would betray me
like this.

( sobbing )

No. Uh-uh.

No. We will not
be swayed by
tears anymore.

I see.

Then I guess I have no choice
but to offer a reward.

You're kidding?

Whoo! Is it
another fishing trip?

No.

It's this sandwich.

A sandwich?

You expect me to break my back

over a sandwich?

Not a sandwich.

The sandwich.

Whatever.

We've got plenty more to...

( water splashing )

...eat.

Now I think
we understand each other.

Nobody eats until I get
my millionth dollar back.

Uh, SpongeBob,

can I have a word with you?

Have you noticed
that Mr. Krabs

has gone completely insane?!

What do you mean?

Just look at him.

( sobbing )

Squidward, he's lost something
near and dear to him.

Haven't you...?

( sobbing ) Look again.

( sobbing )

( giggling )

You're right.

How do we get out of here?

If we're real quiet,

we can sneak over
to the lifeboat.

Okay.

( screaming )

So, you thought you'd skip out

on old Krabs, did you?

Even after you
promised to help me.

I know what you're thinking.

"It's just a dumb old dollar."

"Let's just leave the old man."

"He won't notice."

( sobbing )

Well, it's not going down
like that.

There's only one use for a
backstabbing crew like you:

live bait.

You're crazy.

If that clam didn't come before,

what makes you think
he'll come now?

Oh, he'll come.

( ominous music plays )

( screaming )

Mr. Krabs, listen.

I work with SpongeBob
all day long,

so I know what I'm talking
about when I say...

you are completely
out of your mind!

( giggling )

Get us out of here!

Come on, fresh meat!

( screaming )

Keep thrashing!

He likes it!

( screaming )

Come on, boy!

Closer.
Closer.

Almost there.
( roaring )

That's it!

( screaming )

Aha!

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Look, boys!

I finally got it!

l finally got
me millionth dollar!

( orchestra plays scary theme )

Oh, poor Mr. Krabs.

Gone forever out of our lives.

Why couldn't it have been me?

Yes. Why couldn't
it have been you?

( sobbing )

Why did he have to
go like this? Why?

Why did he have to go like this

and leave me tied to this idiot?

( both sobbing )

MR. KRABS:
Hello, boys!

Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs?

Have you boys met...

me millionth dollar?

( chuckles )

Wow! How did you
get it back?

It wasn't easy.

Old Blue Lips is
quite the fighter.

So, eventually,
we settled on a trade.

What did you give him?

Nothing important.

( chuckles )