08x12 - Barnacle Face/Pet Sitter Pat

[bunniefuu]

- Are ya ready, kids?

Aye aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you!

Aye aye, Captain!

- Ooh...

- Please be money. Please be money.

That's not money.

It's from Spongebob.

"Dear Mister Krabs,

please come to my house tonight.

I'm having a free money party."

Free money party!

This sounds too good to be true.

- "Dear Squidward, come to my house tonight.

I'm having a latte sipping contest."

This sounds too good to be true!

- "Please come by my house tonight.

I'm having a science fair."

Oh, Spongebob, this sounds plum too good to be true.

- "I'm having a weight-lifting competition."

That sounds too good to be true!

A quiet evening,

studying the rules of the road.

Ahem. That sounds too good to be true.

- "A meeting of the minds to discuss

the ultimate downfall of the krusty krab."

This sounds too good to be true!

- Welcome, friends.

Please come in.

I'm so glad you all could make it.

Tonight is going to be a magical evening,

filled with...Magic.

Spongebob?

- Yes, Mister Krabs.

- Can we skip the magic,

and get right to the free money?

- How about the latte sipping?

- And what about the pumping of the iron?

- And diabolical conspiracies?

- And let's not forget the science fair.

- The real reason I called you here

was to watch this slideshow of photos

from my family vacation!

I knew it was too good to be true!

Hey, sorry I'm late, Spongebob!

I had to find my movie-watching hat.

- That does it, I'm gone.

Yeah. Me, too.

- Wait! Wait!

You're gonna miss the first slide.

- Looks more like a slip than a slide.

Ha. Ha.

- I've seen enough.

- Wait! Come back!

See? It's Patrick.

- H-h-hey! It's me!

- Why is it all orange and blurry?

- Where?

- See? Right there, um, the entire thing.

- O-oh.

That's because Patrick kept spraying the camera

with cheese fizz.

Patrick, you're spraying the camera with cheese fizz.

The pictures will come out all orange and blurry.

- I can't help it, Spongebob,

I'm so excited about going on a family vacation

with you and your parents, that my aim is off.

See?

There we go.

- I know what you mean.

Sometimes it feels like I've been waiting

my entire life to go on this trip!

- Really? Why is that?

- Probably because I have.

- Have what? - Been waiting.

- Wait, wh-- you mean, so...What?

- Ah! Patrick! They're here!

- Good morning, son. Ready to head out?

- You bet!

- Spongebob, don't leave your luggage behind.

- Oh, that's not luggage. It's Patrick.

He's coming with us, remember?

- Well, shake a leg, boys,

the great barrier reef isn't gonna visit itself.

- Your father's right, son.

- They know I'm right.

- You brought homework?

- No, Patrick.

It's a brochure, detailing all the fun

to be had at our final destination,

the great barrier reef.

See? There's a huge assortment

of slides, and trampolines,

- and forts.

- And ropes to swing on.

- And forts.

- And a water park!

Oh, no. That's just where you drooled on it.

I can't wait to get there!

How about you? - No, I can't.

- Yeah. - No, I mean I really can't.

I've been in this confined space too long already! Help!

Get me out of here!

- All right, boys, all right.

Let's turn down the volume back there.

- I have an idea.

Why don't we play a road game, to pass the time?

- Yeah!

- Anybody know any?

Hide and seek!

- Hey, why does he get to go first?

- Okay, find me! - Gah! Egad.

- Hey!

There's the green flag.

And the race is underway.

And we have a new winner!

Yeah!

- Moo.

Moo!

- Mm-maybe we should just sing the road song.

- Um, anybody know any other good road tunes?

- Oof. Urg. Oh.

- How much farther to the nearest service station?

- Uh, probably pretty far, son.

I guess you're right.

- So, uh, how's it looking?

- Well, got a cracked timing case cover,

it's broken a couple of teeth off the timing gear,

the radiator's damaged at the core,

you got a cracked water pump,

and a fractured injector line.

- And what does all that mean?

- Well, little missy, in technical terms,

if she she don't want to run, she don't want to run,

oh, so what are we looking at, time-wise?

- Well, now that depends.

How much time you got?

How much t-- uh...

Not funny.

- Hey! At least they have a cozy-looking waiting room.

Hey, come on.

Man, am I bored.

- I am beyond bored.

I'm... bee-ored.

- Oh, boys! Is that a playground next door I see?

Playground!

Hmm.

- Not the most colorful playground I've seen.

This looks more like a gray-ground.

- Well, I'll just leave you two here to amuse yourselves,

and come back for you when the boat's fixed.

- Um, actually this place seems a little bit--

- have fun!

- Well, this is a nasty turn of events.

- You're preaching to the choir, Patrick.

- I knew it was gonna happen, too.

- You did? How?

- 'Cause it happens every time I keep my cheese fizz

in my back pocket.

Darn! It's almost empty.

- Well, I guess we'll just have to make the best of it.

Hey, Patrick, you gotta try this--

Spongebob, were you talkin' to me?

I coulda sworn Spongebob was callin' me from this direction.

Spongebob, where are you?

- Hey, Patrick.

Spongebob?

Aw, come on, where are you hiding?

This isn't funny.

Huh. - Patrick, I'm right here.

- Oh, hey, Spongebob. How'd you get there?

- Well, I was on this seesaw--

- slide!

Ha!

Oof!

- Patrick, do you need help?

Oh, with this slide stuck to my bottom?

Nar, huh. I want it there.

I hate you, slide!

Oof!

Oh, sorry, Spongebob.

- Hey, look, a swing set!

Can't go wrong with this

all-time playground favorite.

Whee.

Hey, this is almost

like being at the great barrier reef, huh?

Try it, Patrick.

- Okay.

It's not working.

- No, go back and forth, like this.

There you go,

now you're gettin' into the... swing of things.

Hey! Watch me...

Go!

Oh! Oh-whoa!

- Patrick?

- Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Whoa!

- Patrick! I'm coming!

- Yow!

- Aah!

- Yow! Ow! Ow!

- Wah! Ai-ah! Wah!

Yow! Ow! Ow!

Wah! Ah! Ah!

- Patrick?

Spongebob.

- Patrick! Are you okay?

- No. I'm not okay. - You're not?

- No. I'm great!

That was aweome!

Let's do it again!

- Yeah! Patrick, wait.

Something tells me, that is a one-way drain.

Uh, how long have we been walking here, Patrick?

- Well, that depends on who you ask.

- Why?

- Well, 'cause if you ask someone with a watch,

they might be able to tell you.

- Are you gettin' hungry?

- Yeah! How'd you know?

- Oh, I could hear your stomach growling.

I thought for a second,

it might be some kind of scaly monster

coming to eat us.

- That's funny.

Couldn't have been my stomach growling, though.

- It couldn't? - Nope!

I had its vocal chords removed before the trip.

- Well, I could have sworn that I heard--

Spongebob! I heard it, I heard growling!

- No, that time it was my stomach.

There's gotta be something around here to eat.

Patrick, I found some berries we can--

oof!

Not...eat!

Thanks for the warning.

- Patrick, where did you get--

the cupcake?

- From the vending machine.

- O-oh.

- Was it your stomach that time, too?

- Nope.

Run for your life!

- Roar!

- It's coming closer!

Oh, no! It's a sheer drop-off!

Now what do we do?

- Don't ask me.

I don't remember

"being eaten alive" on this trip's itinerary.

- I'm too young to be digested!

- Wait, Spongebob.

I know how to get us out of this.

- You do?

- I saw something just like this in a movie once.

Now, watch closely,

and do exactly what I do.

- Roger.

- Okay, now what?

I'm not sure.

I fell asleep in the second half of the movie.

- Well, I hope that monster's carrying some syrup.

- Yeah, 'cause if he eats us, he's having pancakes for lunch.

Whoa!

- Patrick, we did it!

- We're not gonna be eaten!

- Hooray, for not being eaten!

- Hooray!

- Hey, Spongebob? - Yeah, Patrick.

- All this not-being-eaten is making me hungry.

- Oh, h*, don't worry.

When we get to the great barrier reef,

we'll eat like kings.

- All right!

- All right!

Now, put her there, Patrick.

Put her there!

- Ew, Patrick,

have you been using a different moisturizer?

Your hands feel kind of--

- oh, no, it's--

it's just the same old moisturizer I always use.

- Aw, come on, Spongebob,

don't leave me hanging here.

- Let me guess,

it's time to start screaming again?

- One second.

Okay, now.

- Spongebob, as much as I'd like to stay and hang around,

I'm not sure that now's the best time.

- I know, Patrick,

but right now, it seems to be--

our best possible course of action.

- Well, I probably

would really be enjoying the view

if I still had some blood flowing to my arms. Ow.

- Don't worry, Patrick,

your blood-flow is not the only thing

that's wearing thin.

- Grab it, Patrick!

- G-grabbing!

- Okay, Spongebob, your turn!

Spongebob!

I got it.

- Phew! That was a close one, huh, Patrick?

- Yeah.

But it looks like everthing worked out just--

vine.
Ha.

- Patrick. Patrick?

Did you hear that?

- It sounded like it came from the other side

of this big rock.

This isn't a big rock.

It's a big wall.

- Do you suppose it belongs to that gift shop right there?

- What would a gift shop be doing,

right in the middle of nowhere?

- I-- uh, selling gifts?

Wow, Patrick,

look at all this stuff!

You gonna buy something?

- Nah, I'm not in the market for any souvenirs.

- Oh-h*, you can never have too many souven--

oh, no. I just realized what this place is!

- You have?

- Patrick, we have walked straight into a--

tourist trap.

- A trap! - Shh.

A trap.

- Come on. Let's escape,

before we spend all our money on useless trinkets.

Patrick, wait.

I saw a very nice driftwood sculpture over there,

that would work great as a mantlepiece.

- Spongebob, no!

- Spongebob!

- Patrick, that tourist trap took me for everything I had.

Now we don't have any money, we're still lost,

and we're gonna be in big trouble.

This vacation is a disaster!

Spongebob, i--

- I don't think this vacation's been a disaster.

You don't?

- No, of course not. See!

We did everything we dreamt of doing

at the great barrier reef.

- Patrick, you're right!

We went down a sewage pipe...

- Like a slide...

- Bounced off a huge anemone...

- Like a trampoline...

- Hid in a nest.

- Like a fort...

- And swung on some vines, which are a lot like ropes.

This vacation has it all!

- All except for one thing.

- What's that?

- A way outta here.

- My poor parents must be worried sick.

- I suggest we take a nap here until they come and find us.

That way, we'll be well-rested for the ride home.

- I suggest we start walking.

- I was afraid he was gonna suggest that.

- Spongebob, maybe we oughtta take a break

from the singing for a while.

- Good idea, Patrick.

I'll just play the road song on this whistle,

that I got from the souvenir shop.

- Oh, hey, son. We're ready to go.

- Wow, Spongebob,

you're pretty good with that thing.

- Oh, thanks, Patrick, glad you think so.

- Well,

apparently, I'm not the only one who does.

- What do you mean? Who else thinks--

oh, no, not again.

- The whistle seems to have soothed it.

- I think it's offering us a ride.

- Duh.

- Thanks, again!

Patrick, I think that is the friendliest

terrifyingly gigantic insect

I have ever had the pleasure of being carried off by.

- Me, too.

- Spongebob? Oh! There you are.

- Okay, hop in, boys,

the boat-mobile's as good as new,

and we've got miles and miles of open road ahead of us.

- Boys?

- Do something, Harold.

- He's your son, Margaret.

He's your son.