02x05 & 02x06 - Baby Steps/Brawl in the Family

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom
on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles

♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪

♪ Guy's got to do
what he can to survive ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house

♪ In the Loud house

- ♪ Duck, dodge, push,
and shove ♪

♪ Is how we show our love

- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ One boy and ten girls

♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪

- ♪ Loud! House! Loud!

♪ Loud house

- Poo-poo.

[upbeat ' s music]

♪

- Well, it took years,
but the ol' jug of loose change

is finally paying off.

- I can't believe
we've saved enough

for a luxury spa weekend.

I can't remember
the last time we had

two whole days
to ourselves.

- Summer of '.
Clinton, the Spice Girls,

and Mark McGuire.

You think the kids
will be okay?

I feel bad we aren't
taking 'em.

- Oh, they'll be fine.

- We will not be fine.

Look at this place,
you guys.

It's got a spa,
eight different pools,

and a business center!

We are missing out
on all of it!

- Yeah, and while Mom and Dad
are living it up,

we'll be sucking in cat hair
at Aunt Ruth's.

- Ooh. I call dibs
on not clipping her toenails.

- Dang it.

- We're just gonna
have to convince Mom and Dad

to take us with them.

- I know just the thing.

- Oh, it's so cute the kids are
putting on a play for us.

- Yeah, yeah, do I have timeto pee?

Dang it.

of "Weekend at Aunt Ruth's."

[both meowing]

- Kitty-cat.

- Ugh!

This pudding expired
four years ago.

- You waste that and
it's litter box duty for you.

- One day later.

- Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here today

to say farewell
to our sister Luna.

If only her pudding had been
as fresh as her jams.

- And now, another play
entitled,

"Weekend at a Luxury Spa Hotel."

- What a beautiful
business center.

- Sister,
keep your voice down.

We must be respectful
of other guests.

- Golly, our kids are
so well behaved.

- And since we took them
on this nice trip,

maybe they won't
put us in a nursing home

when we're older.

- I take it you kids want to go
to the hotel this weekend?

- Look, kiddos, this is
the first chance

your mother and I have had
to relax in a long time.

- But Dad,
we'll be so good,

you won't even know we're there.
We promise.

[upbeat music]

♪

- Lynn Loud, Sr.,
checking in.

- Welcome.
Uh, just the two bags?

- Yep.
[laughs] Just kidding.

Everything in the van,
good sir.

[car horn blaring]

Thank you much.

Oh, I almost forgot.

There's more
where that came from.

Okay, g*ng, your Mom and I
are headed to the spa.

Now, we're trusting you
to stay out of trouble.

[all talking at once]

Could've sworn I packed
my feather fedora.

- [sarcastic] No!
Oh, darn.

You look so good in it too.

[rock music]

- Race you to the bottom.

- Oh, it is on!

♪

- [laughs]

- Ugh!
- What?

- [scoffs]
What is taking so long?

If I don't get back to the room
and get my phone,

I could literally die.

Ugh!
Let's just take the stairs.

[baby babbles]

- What are you doing?
- [screams]

Oh, hi, Lucy.
I read somewhere

that this resort
is haunted

by the ghost
of the Footless Bellboy.

They say if you
listen carefully,

you can still hear his stumps
trying to deliver room service.

- Whoa, sign me up.

- Both elevators out?
I'm on it--

[all grunt]
- Oh, excuse us.

- Cute pin.
Totes matches my dress.

- Excuse me, um, Fritz?

How am I supposed to get
to my room

with the elevator broken?

- Ooh, heels and stairs?

You should def take a room
on the first floor.

- Great.
Can I get a key?

- Excuse me, Fritz?
I'd also like a different room.

- Okay.

[bell dinging]

- I'm so sorry,
but a private party booked

the entire massage facility.

- Might this
"change" your mind?

Well, worth a sh*t.

I wonder what big-wig
is in there.

[light jazz playing]

♪

- Less oil, sweetheart.

You're not marinating
a chicken.

- Elevator repair, huh?

Bet that job's got
a lot of ups and downs.

Sorry. Didn't mean to push
your buttons.

[laughs]Get it?


[rock music]

- Let's go rage!
- Let's do this.

- Ugh. Looks like
I'll have to disinfect the pool.

Goodness knows what fungi
await me in these waters.

♪

Gah!

[dramatic music]

- Papa Loud in the house!

- Might wanna close the pool,
Fritz!

- If you don't fix this,
will they give you the shaft?

[laughs]Get it?

Uh-oh.
This isn't our floor.

[gasps]

- I can sense
the Footless Bellboy's presence,

but he's not gonna show himself
with all these lights on.

- I'm a step ahead of you,

but which one of these
is for the basement?

- Try them all.

- [panting]

[grunts]

both: It's him!

[both grunt]

- I think our trip
might be cursed.

- Don't say that.
We still have the TV.

glorious satellite channels.

[pleasant music playing on TV]

[static]

- [sobs]

- [grunts]

[yelling]

[crash]

- [laughs]

- Well, on the bright side,
at least the kids

haven't been causing
any trouble.

- That's true. I haven't heard
a peep from them all day.

[phone ringing]

- Yello!

- Mr. "La-ood"?

We've been getting
some complaints about your kids.

- My kids?
Wait,

you sound a lot
like my daughter, Leni.

- You sound a lot like my dad,
Dad.

- Ghost hunting?
Elevator breaking?

Pool wrecking?

What happened to "you won't
even know we're here"?

- You're all grounded
to the room

for the rest of the weekend.

Your father and I
would like to try

to enjoy
some relaxation time.

- Well, I feel terrible.

- Yeah, from now on.
we really have to behave.

[cell phone ringing]

- Bobby boo boo bear?
It's literally been forever!

Hang on, let me go
somewhere more private.

- Lori!
We're grounded to the room!

- The balcony is the room.

- Well, I'm gonna hit
the showers.

- Uh, Lynn?

- The bathroom is
also the room.

- Fritz, break's over.
Get down here.

- Leni, you can't leave.

- Do you want to tell
my boss that?

- Ah!

[dramatic music]

[screams]

Uh, guys, little problem
with the shower.

- I'm on it, sister.

♪

Hmm, I've never worked with this
particular model before,

but I'm sure I can
figure something out.

♪

- Wow, Lana,
that was amazing.

- Here's my card.
Referrals are welcome.

[both scream]

[dramatic music]

♪

- [giggles]
No, you hang up first.

[giggles]
No, silly, you.

[click]

Huh.
I can't believe he hung up.

[groans]

Not again.

- That sounds like the thumps
of the Footless Bellboy!

- This must be
his stumping grounds.

You guys better
shake a leg.

There's a ghost afoot.

[laughs]
Get it?

- Are you done?

[pounding on the door]

- He must be trapped
behind the air conditioner.

We need to free him.

[car alarm blaring]

- [gasps]
- Gasp.

[pounds at the door]

[knocking at the door]

- Yo, what are you guys
doing in here?

Fritz said
this was our room.

- Well, Fritz was wrong.
Bye now.

- Not so fast.
Come on, boys!

[chuckles]
- All right, let's rage!

[all cheering]

[rock music playing on boom box]

- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah!

[phone ringing]

- Goo?
- Yes, "La-ood" family?

This is Fritz
at the front desk.

Could you please keep it down?
We're getting some complaints.

- [babbles]

- Well, you sound
just like my sister Lily.

all: Yah!

- [groans]
- And stay out, you stinkers!

- [grunts] We must disinfect
the area immediately.

Who knows where those hooligans
have been?

[bird caws]

Gah!
[bird caws]

[rock music]

- [groans]
Thanks for locking me out,

you guy--
[screams]

[crash]

[both screaming]

- What is going on here?

- Ahem! Ahem!
I'm sorry, "La-oods,"

but I have to ask you
to leave.

- Our one chance
at a relaxing weekend, gone.

Poof.
- Oh, now, come on, honey.

We'll get that jug
filled up again someday.

- Oh, you're right.
Gotta stay positive.

In fact,
here's the first nickel.

Oh! It was a button.
It's hopeless.

[sobbing]

- We really blew it.

- Yeah, we gotta
make it up to them.

- I have an idea.

- Not another one
of your dumb plays.

- Okay.
I have a second idea.

[upbeat ' s music]

- Mr. and Mrs. "La-ood,"

welcome to your very own
luxury spa hotel.

- Amenities include
a hot tub.

- Complementary dry cleaning.

- Room service.

- And free in-room massage.

- Oh, what are you do--
[screams]

Actually,
that feels great.

- We want you guys to have
the weekend you were expecting--

the weekend you deserve.

- I can't believe you kids
did all this.

[car horn honking]

- Dudes, she's here!

- This time you truly won't know
we're here, because we won't be.

We're going to Aunt Ruth's
so you guys can really relax.

- Oh, how'd we get
such thoughtful kids?

[upbeat music]

[tires screeching]

- Think we should have told them
why we really got kicked out?

[both laughing]

- Marco!
- Polo!

- Well?
Care to explain?

- What say we just
forget about this?

- That's a button, pal.

- Eh, we'll tell 'em
when they're older.

Race you to the hot tub!

- [laughing] Oh, no you don't!
- Come on, come on, come on!

[spooky music]

♪

- There you go, Mars,
right next to your buddy, Earth.

Oh, watch out for Jupiter.
He's full of gas.

- Hey, Lincoln.
- Ah!

Lucy! You got blood
all over my school project.

- Relax, it's fake.

Sigh.
Unfortunately.

Hmm.
Needs more molasses.

That'll give it
just the right amount of ooze.

[doorbell ringing]

- Hey, Rusty.
- Hey, Lincoln.

My parents are
both at work

so I had to bring
my little bro.

- No problem.
Hey, Rocky.

Make yourself at home.
- Thanks, man.

- Did you bring Uranus?

- Never leave home
without it.

- Gasp.

- [sighs]

- Uh--

- What the--

- Mm. Sigh.

- I gotta pee.

- Bathroom's upstairs and
down the hall to the left.

- Sigh.

- Hello?

- Sigh.

[dog grumbles]

Sigh.

I know he's not
really my type,

but he's so--
what's the word my sisters use?

"Cute."

Don't worry, Edwin,

you'll always be
my undead soul mate,

but until we're united,

it'd be cool to have
someone to hang with.

You think I should
just talk to him?

I knew you'd understand.

- I see you found my blood.
- [screams]

- It's my new recipe--

beet juice, molasses,
and cocoa powder.

Hmm, now it's got the ooze
but not the splatter.

Hi, I'm Lucy.

Thought you might want
a clean shirt.

Just to be clear,
it's my brother's.

I would never wear something
so offensively cheerful.

- Ah!
[crash]

- Was that Rocky?
Sorry, Lincoln,

you'll have to finish
the project.

- What happened?

- I keep trying
to talk to Rocky,

but every time
he runs away from me.

What am I doing wrong?

- Well, what are you
talking to him about?

- The usual stuff.
Blood, bruises.

I didn't even get
a chance

to show him
my new embalming kit.

- You know, maybe he's just not
into that kind of stuff.

- Then what is he into?

- I don't know him
very well,

but he just seems
like a regular, normal kid.

- Regular and normal.
Hmm.

Regular and normal.

[door slams shut]
- Lola!

did you take
my Red Riot lipstick again?

- No, but someone took
my perfume.

I bet it was Leni!

- Was not,
but I'd like to know

who took
my pink chiffon dress, Lori!

- Where do you get off?
- You are literally the one

always stretching my sweaters
out every time you borrow them!

- Fess up.
- That's my scent,

I can't let people
associate it with you!

- We can do this the hard way--
- Hang on,

I smell my perfume.
[sniffs]

Lynn!
You better not be using

my perfume to cover
the stink of your hockey pads!

[all gasp]

- What are you doing?

- I-I-I-I thought if I could be
more "regular and normal,"

Rusty's brother Rocky
would like me.

Sorry I took your stuff.
I understand if you're mad.

- You're darn right
we're mad!

Mad you didn't
let us help!

- Yeah!
We've been wanting

to give you a makeover
since, like, birth.

- I've been working
on this Lucy vision board

for years!

Until now, it was
just a fantasy.

- Guys, it's literally
happening!

Lucy's finally ready!

- Will this hurt?

[all talking at once]

- Oh.
all: Too peppy.

[all talking at once]

Too poofy.

[all talking at once]

Too "princess-y."

[all talking at once]

Too...

[new wave music]

Perfect!

- Hmm.
I can live with this.

What do you think,
Fangs?

- Ew! Ew!
No more bats.

- Yeah, and do not talk
about mortality.

- Or death.

- Or ask him
his blood type.

- Or suggest a cemetery
for a date.

- And make sure you laugh
at all of his jokes.

Like this.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

- Ha ha.
Ha. Ha ha.

- Oh, and talk about sports.
Guys really dig that.

- If all else fails,

try a little
of my patented pizza spray,

scientifically proven to attract
eight-year-old boys.

[all coughing]

- Gag.

- Note to self--
go lighter on the anchovies.

[cat screeches]
- Ah.

[cat screeching]
- Ah!

Ah!

Who was that?

- The new and improved,
regular and normal Lucy.

- AKA,
the future Mrs. Rocky.

- So that's how
you're helping Lucy?

I don't know, guys,
that seems like a really--

- Oh, please, as if a male
would have

any insight into matters
of the heart.

- You just get Rocky
back here, bro.

- How am I
supposed to do that?

- Get Rusty to bring him.

Don't you guys have more work
to do on your project?

- Nope, all finished.

- Not anymore.

- So, the dog did this?

- Uh, yup.
Bad Charles.

[dog whimpers]

[new wave music]

♪

- OMG, Rocky.
It's totes great to see you.

- Um, who are you?

- I'm Lucy.

- Oh, uh,
I didn't recognize you.

- You can't make it
to mini-golf?

But we already bought
four tickets.

- Oh. Uh, right.
Um, maybe we should...

invite two other peopleto come.

- [gasps]
What a great idea.

Anyone? Lucy?

- I'm supposed to meet
my girlfriends at the mall,

but...YOLO.

- Oh. If only there was
another guy

to round out the foursome.

- You're free, right, Rocky?Great!


♪

- Any of you other ladies
looking for a date?

♪

- Just follow my lead,
and remember,

regular and normal.

Oops.
[giggles]

Boo Boo Bear,
what am I doing wrong?

Can you help me?

- But, babe,
you're on the varsity golf--

Ow!
I mean, sure, babe,

I'll help you.
Okay, just square your shoulders

and follow through.

- Oops.
- Ow!

What was that for?

- I thought, uh, um, uh,

how about
that baseball team

that played
the other night?

- Ooh. [chuckles]
Great sh*t, Boo Boo Bear.

[laughs]

- That one's for you,babe.

- Aw!
[giggles]

- Ooh.
Great sh*t, Rocky Bear.

- What?
I totally shanked it.

My ball went
down a rain gutter.

- Ha ha. Ha ha.
You're so funny.

- Ah!

- Good sh*t, bro.

- Ooh, this hole
is creepy.

Right, Lucy?

- Whoa, the Freilich
with crushed velvet interior.

I've only seen these
in catalogues.

- Lucy, no, no, no.

[whispering]
Regular and normal.

- Ahh!

[strumming guitar]

[door opening]

[all talking at once]

- Tell me everything!
Tell me everything!

- Are you totes in love?

- No, we are totes not.

- Lucy, wait.

We're sorry we pushed youso hard.

you wanted to be normal
and regular, like us.

But you're not those things.
You're Lucy Loud.

You're perfect
just the way you are,

and welove you.

- Sigh.
There's no need to apologize.

I know you were
just trying to help,

and I thank you.
Now if you'll excuse me,

I'm going to go
sit in the dark.

That always cheers me up.

- Well, lesson learned.

You can take the girl
out the coffin,

but you can't take the coffin
out of the girl.

- Well, Edwin.
Rocky doesn't like me as myself.

He doesn't like me
as a regular, normal girl.

He just doesn't like me.
Sigh.

I was a fool to think it could
ever work with a mortal being.

- Poor kid.

- Fangs, bedtime.

- Ah!

Dang it.

There we go.
Now, as long as we keep it

far away from your house,
we should be done.

Ah!
Rocky! You're bleeding!

[screams]

- Don't worry, man.
Rusty faints all the time.

- Yeah, but are you
all right?

- Oh, yeah, this is
fake blood.

- Why would you have
fake blood?

- I saw Lucy making it
at your house

and it seemed kinda cool,
so I thought I'd give it a try.

Anyway--

- Oops.

- Wha--what happened?

- Uh, you fainted and
broke our solar system.

- Aw, man!

- That's okay.
We can fix it at my house.

I have an extra Jupiter.

- Your house?

- Well, our project isn't
any safer here.

- I guess you're right.

Come on, Rock,
let's roll!

- Done.
Form a protective perimeter.

- Hey, Rocky, grab us some sodas
from the kitchen, will ya?

- Ah.Oh. Hi.

- Uh, hi.
You changed your hair back.

Yeah, the blonde
wasn't really me.

I was trying to be
regular and normal,

but I think I'm just
gonna be myself.

- I'm really glad
to hear that.

- Thanks.
Well, see you later.

Wait, you are?

But when we first met,
you kept running away.

I thought
I freaked you out.

- To be honest, I thought
you were too cool for me,

and I couldn't think
of anything to say,

so I just ran.

- Hey, uh,
my coffin collection's

in the basement.
Wanna check it out?

- Sure.
That'd be really fun.

As long as I don't
have to get in one.

- Deal.

- Can we stop?
I'm feeling faint.

Easy.

Ah!
Watch the pothole!

- It's okay, Rusty.
We spent all weekend on this,

we're not gonna
drop it now.

both: Hey, guys.
both: Ah!

- Phew!
Good save, man.

- Sorry we scared you.

- We just wanted to tell you
we nailed the fake blood recipe.

- We also threw in
a few popcorn kernels

for brain matter.

- Ah!

- Dang it.

- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house
- ♪ Loud house

- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show
our love in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Loud house

♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line to take a pee

♪ Never any privacy

♪ Chaos with kids

♪ That's the way
it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house