02x43 - Legends/Mall of Duty

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom
on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles

♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪

♪ Guy's got to do
what he can to survive ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house

♪ In the Loud house

- ♪ Duck, dodge, push,
and shove ♪

♪ Is how we show our love

- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ One boy and ten girls

♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪

- ♪ Loud Loud Loud

♪ Loud house

- Poo-poo.

[upbeat music]

♪

- Lynn Loud Sr., also known as
my dad.

I love hanging out with the
guy,

but we're pretty
different.

So we've had a hard
time finding that

one thing we both like doing.

We've tried doing stuff that I'm
into, like Ace Savvy.

Come on, One-Eyed Jack.

- Um, son, my costume's
a little snug.

- Don't worry.
You're looking great.

Now, let's deal out
some justice.

We've also tried
stuff Dad's into,

like cooking.

- How's that batter coming,
son?

- Good. Just about to
mix it up.

Whoa!

Ugh!

We've even tried doing new stuff
together...

but that didn't work out either.

[cat meows]

- "Legends of the Hidden
Temple."

both: Ooh, I love this show.

You do? I had no idea.

- Okay, on three, say
your favorite team.

One, two, three.

both: The Orange Iguanas.

[cat meows]

- When we discovered
that "Legends" was

doing a special father-son
episode,

we knew we had to
get on it.

So we sent in an amazing,
five-hour submission tape.

Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.

And sealed the deal with a tray
of Dad's lasagna.

And guess what.
It totally worked.

We're going to be on the show.

- All aboard, Orange Iguanas.

Next stop, Orlando.

- Whoa. Awesome costume, Dad.

- "Orange Iguana" put
yours on too?

Now let's get a move on.

I have a feeling it's gonna
take a while

to get through airport security.

- "Legends of the Hidden Temple"
with your guide, Kirk Fogg.

- Welcome to our very special
father-son episode.

Today's theme is the lost city
of Atlantis.

Now,
let's meet our first team,

the Orange Iguanas: Lynn and
Lincoln Loud.

You guys make a mean lasagna.

- What did you think about our
five-hour audition tape?

- Huh?
Uh, didn't see that.

And now let's meet their
competition.

The Silver Snakes: Stan and
Steak Stanko.

Who will the gods favor in
today's battle?

Find out when we return.

[cheers and applause]

- Lasagna, huh?

We got on the show by winning
five Buff Man competitions

in a year.

- Well, congratulations
to you both.

- Yeah, get used to saying that

'cause we're gonna stomp yourbutts.

- Yeah, you ever see
a hammerhead go after a guppy?

The shark just gets
in there and...

[growling]

- Just to be clear,
you're the guppy.

- No, no. It was clear.

- Eh, don't worry about
those guys.

We're just here to have fun.

- Agreed. We're not gonna let
them ruin our thing.

- Good attitude, son.

Slap me some tail.

Oh, not so hard, though,
papier mâché.

[cheers and applause]

- All right, teams, Atlantis is
sinking,

and the only way to safety

is by crossing "The
Moat" in these

special water shoes.

The team that
flees the city the quickest

gets the most points.

And...go.

- [grunting]

- Whoa-oh.
- Ahh!

both: Yeah!

- Wait a sec. Our tails.
We can use them as paddles.

[buzzer buzzes]

- Now, that's what I
call father-son teamwork.

- "Tail" me about it.

- [laughs]

- You're still in last, losers.

[bell dings]

- Well, Steak, that's not really
important to us.

- [laughs] Spoken like a trueloser.

- Zing. Good one, Dad.

[laughter]

- And so the city of Atlantis

disappeared into
the ocean,

never to be seen again.

- Okay, teams, you've heard
Olmec's story.

He will now ask you some
questions about it,

and whoever can answer them will
descend

"The Steps of Knowledge."

- First question: where
is the lost

city of Atlantis rumored to have
sunk?

- Atlanta.

- That is incorrect.

- Off the coast of
Northern Africa.

- That is correct.

[cheers and applause]

- Way to go, Dad.

- Big whoop.
You got one right.

Let's see you do it again.

- The shifting of the tectonic
plates.

- That is correct.

- Utopia.
- That is correct.

- Yeah!
- Whoo-hoo!

- Wow, the Orange Iguanas
have clawed

their way back into
this race.

[bell dings]

Up next, Olmec's temple games.

- Great job, Dad.
You really nailed

that Utopia question.

- Well, you got the hard one
with those tectonic plates.

I almost said dinner plates.

[laughter]

- How fun is this day?

- The best.

- You nerds made us
look dumb,

and the Stankos do not like
to look dumb.

- We were already cranked
up to ,

but guess what's gonna
happen now.

We're turning it up to !

- We already told you guys.

We don't care about b*ating
you.

We're just here to--

- Whoops. Where'd your
hat go? Huh?

Ha-ha-ha! Lost your
hat there, fella.

- Hey. Hey. Give that back.

[gasps]

- You guys want a fight?
You got one.

You see this? That's
us cranking it up to , .

- How about we make
a friendly wager?

Let's say, mm, bucks.

- Yeah, well, we spent all
our money at the

Legends gift shop, so how about
this:

if you lose,
you have to go

through the airport tomorrow in
our iguana costumes.

- Deal, and if you lose,
you have to go through

the airport in your
iguana costumes.

- Deal.

- Dummy.
They like their costumes.

Uh...if you lose,
you have to go

through the airport...in yourundies.

First challenge:
the walls around

Atlantis are crumbling.

You must rebuild them by
stacking rings on these poles.

And...go.

- Dad, drop down.

Wait, I didn't get
my ring on yet.

- Well, I'm sorry, but
we need points.

The Stankos already have ten.

- Ugh.

- Son, I wasn't ready yet.

- Mine has to go on first.

- The order doesn't matter.

[buzzer buzzes]

[bell dings]

- What was that, Dad?
You went rogue.

- Me? You wouldn't come
down from the

top of the pole.

- Ugh, okay, let's just
try to do better

in the next challenge.

- Next, each team will
put together a

-D puzzle representing
"The Door to Atlantis."

And go.

- Okay, let's start
with the edges.

- Let's start with the middle.
- The middle?

You're kidding, right?
- No, look.

I already found two that
go together.

- You don't know that.
Take 'em apart.

- Fine. You work on
the edges.

I'll do the middle.
[buzzer buzzes]

[bell dings]

No surprise they won.

Their middle
pieces landed first.

- Son, I minored in puzzles.

- Maybe you should have minored
in listening.

I'm sorry, what?

- Nothing.

[cheers and applause]

- In the last of Olmec's Temple
games,

teams must work together to
bail out the sinking city.

And go.

- Come on, Dad. Hurry.

- Augh, ahh-ahh.

Here comes the water.
Move to the left.

Lincoln!
- You said to the left.

- I meant my left.

- How was I supposed to knowthat?

- What's the point?

The Stankos are already on their
third bucket.

We may as well just give up.

- Fine by me.

Clearly, "Legends" isn't
our thing anyway.

- Maybe we don't have a "thing."

- Maybe.
[buzzer buzzes]

- And the Silver Snakes win
again.

both: Yeah!

[bell dings]

- Nice teamwork, loser.

- I'm sorry, Dad.
I didn't mean that.

- I'm sorry, too, buddy.
That got way out of hand.

- I just want us to have a thing
together.

- Me too, son.

Hey, maybe "Legends" can
still be our thing.

The show isn't over yet.

What do you say we ignore
those jerks

and finish it our way?

- Slap me some tail.

[laughter]

[cheers and applause]

- The Silver Snakes are ahead,
but the Orange Iguanas have one

last chance to overtake them.

For our last challenge, teams
will run through Olmec's Temple

and retrieve
the map to Atlantis.

First up, the
Orange Iguanas.

And go.

[dramatic music]

♪

- Arrgh.

Ahh!

Oof!

- Grab my tail, son.

- Thanks for the assist, Dad.

- Grrrr. Gotcha.
- Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!

- There's no escaping me.

[laughs]

[laughter]

[monkey chittering]

- Nice job, Orange Iguanas.

- A few goofs, but I think we
did pretty well.

- Yeah, who knows?

We might actually win.

- Up next, the Silver
Snakes.

And go.

[monkey chitters]
- Boom. Temple Run.

- Wow, that's a course
record.

Sorry,
Orange Iguanas, but the Silver

Snakes win the competition.

- Yeah!
- Oh, yeah!

- Yeah, we did!
- That's what I'm talking about!

- Yeah, what he said!
- We won!

- I didn't even see them start.

- Eh, who cares if
they won?

We just ran Olmec's temple
together.

No one can take that away from
us.

- Yeah, but you know
what we can take away?

- Just to be clear, he means
your pants.

- No, no. It was clear.

- Well, here goes nothing.

[all gasp]

- Ha-ha, look at those
losers in their underwear.

[laughter]

- Keep your head high,
son.

Watch for incoming tomatoes.

[applause]

- We saw you guys on TV.

You have
such a great relationship.

- You're an inspiration.
- I wish my dad and I

were that close.

- Oh, are you kidding me?

- Come on, Dad. This is dumb.

This airport's full of losers.

[cheers and applause]

- You jokers are breaking
about ten

security rules right now.

We're
gonna need to talk to you.

- Well, at least we're doing it
together.

[upbeat music]

♪

[upbeat percussive music]

♪

- Now remember, Rippers,
if you want to

hunt down critters,
use the four Ds:

droppings, disturbances,
dens and diet.

[sniffing]

Hmm,
emu droppings.

And it's still warm.

With a little luck and my
tracking bandana,

I'll be eating emu
stew in no time.

[howls]

- Ew, who is this poop-sniffing
weirdo?

- Rip Hardcore is not
a weirdo, Lola.

He happens to be the world's
leading expert

in wilderness survival.

And a pretty cool guy to boot.

- I'll give you a boot
if you don't change it back

to the "Power Hour of
Princess time."

- Lynn Jr., let's go.
You're late for rugby.

Think fast, Dad.
- Ugh!

- Awooo!

- Lori, Leni, Luna,
Luan, hurry up.

The school open house
started five minutes ago.

Ugh, these kids.
Where are they?

[horn honks]

Oh, they're
waiting for me.

- Thanks for taking care of your
little sisters today, Lincoln.

You're really helping
us out of a jam.

- We'll be back by : .

We are proud of
you for being so responsible.

- Hey, there, Rippers.

My Hardcore Mall Tour is coming
to a mall near you.

Today...

[robotic voice]
Saturday...

- I'll be signing copies of my
new survival guide at...

[robotic voice]
The Royal Woods Mall.

- [gasps] Rip is at the Royal
Woods Mall today?

I gotta go get my book signed.

If I'm home by : ,
they'll never have to know.

Who wants to go to the mall?

- Ugh, Lincoln, this
is lame.

Can't we go do something fun?

- Right after we wait
in this really

short line to get
Rip's autograph.

- Is the really short
line at the end

of this really long line?

- How about we playa game?

I spy.
I'll go first. I spy...

- Someone who is not keeping his

sisters intellectually
stimulated.

- [laughs]Burn.

Person, place, or thing?

- Person.
- Alive or dead?

- Alive...for now,
but he's pushing his luck.

- Okay, how about we
take a trip around the world?

Oh, sorry.

- Lincoln, you've tortured us
long enough.

We're leaving.
- No. Wait.

- Flippees for sale.

Buy one, get a second one at the
exact same price.

- Okay, you two get raspberry.

You two get lime.

You get black.

And a lemon Flippee
for the good-natured

gentleman in back of us.

- [slurps]

This isn't lemon.
It's banana.

- Well, who doesn't love banana?

- People who have banana
allergies.

- [gulps]

- I finished my Flippee.
I gotta pee.

- Me too.
- Me three.

- Uh, I too need to
see a man about a horse.

- Uh. Umm.

Can you save our place while I
take them to the bathroom?

Please?

- Sure, kid, no problem.

- Thanks. Let's go.

Thanks again.
- Excuse me?

I've never seen you before.

Of course, my eyes are pretty
swollen from these hives, so...

- I'm really sorry about that.

- Back of the line, pal.

- But the line's, like,
twice as long now.

[all groan]

- I know this looks
bad, but we'll be

there before you know it.

- Oh, yes.

That two-hour wait was so
worth it.

[howls]

- Two hours?

Rip's my bae, but nobody keeps
Scoots waiting.

I'm getting a soft pretzel.

- Forget it, Lincoln.
We're done with this line.

[horn toots]

[upbeat music]

- Yes, you are.

All aboard. It's my treat.

- Lincoln, we're bored.

- Uh, of course you're
bored.

You aren't wearing your
conductor hats.

- This is unsanitary.

- Oh, yes, this makes all the
difference.

- Then let's go for
the -ride special.

[upbeat music]

♪

Yes.
I'm next.

[horn toots]

Hang tight, guys.
I'll be right back.

- How's it going, buddy?

I, uh, see you've got a copy
of my book there.

Would you like me
to sign it?

I'll just take that.

Rippin' to meet ya.

Now I just gotta grab my sisters
and get home.

Okay, guys, now we can
do whatever you...

Ahh!

Where'd they go?

Don't panic.
Just follow the wheel marks.

Gah!

How am I ever
going to track them down?

Wait, "track."

"How to purify urine, how to
build a fire with toenails."

Ah, "How to track
animals in the wild."

With a little luck, my tracking
bandana, and the four Ds,

I'll find my
sisters in no time.

[howls]

Disturbances, dens, diet...
oh, droppings.

Just as I suspected:
Lisa's chemicals.

She can't be far.

all: Ahh!

- Greetings, brother.

The devices in this store were
highly inefficient.

They only performed
one task each.

So I combined them into one
appliance that can do anything.

- Crushed ice?
Pressed shirt?

- Uh, where are our sisters?

- I am uncertain.

I was ejected from the train
when we took a sharp turn

at the sofa store.

It was clearly overstimulated by
the excessive

quarters you fed it.

- Come on, we have to find them.

Oh, disturbances.

- What are you babbling about?

- Rip says you can tell if an
animal has been around

by a disturbance in
the environment.

Look.

[bats screeching]

both: Lucy.

- All right, little psychicgirl,

Your business will
soon make a big splash.

- Sorry, folks, no more
fortunes today.

- Sweet. A great fortune,
and I don't have to pay.

- No droppings, no
disturbances...

Wait a minute, "den."

Rip says you can track a
creature by finding its

natural habitat.

[together]
Lola.

- Lola, playtime's over;
we gotta go.

- That's no way to speak to your
queen.

Send him to the dungeon!

- Lola, wait.

I just came to
tell you, uh...

there's another queen outside

who says she's more powerful
than you.

- What?
Well, I'll have her head.

There's no one here.

You lied.

Well played, sir.

- Let's move out.

- Take care of my kingdom.

- Aha. I found another D.

Diet.

- Lincoln, that's not human
food.

- It is if the human is...

[together]
Lana.

[dogs barking]

Lana, out. Let's go.

- No can do, Lincoln.

I gotta keep
these duck eggs warm.

[ducklings chirping]

- Congratulations.

[ducklings chirping]

Okay, we still have time to get
home before Mom and Dad.

- So we're just leaving
Lily here?

- Gah! Lily.

I totally forgot.

Where is she?

- Probably still on the train.

She really liked that train.

[horn toots]

- [giggling]

- You guys stay here.

[ducklings chirping]

- [giggling]
- Ahh!

- Um, excuse me, Ms.
Scoots.

Could you
give me a ride please?

I need to catch that train.

- Uh, that sounds like a "you"
problem.

- Look, you didn't get an
autograph from Rip, right?

How about if I
give you mine?

- My bae signed this?
Deal.

Out of the way, mouth-breathers!

- Choo-choo!

- Ahh!

- [babbling]

- Oof!

Ahh!

[horn tooting]

[gasps]
- Ahh!

Augh!

Spooky psychic girl
was right.

My business did make a
big splash.

- Good job, Linky.

- Thanks.
Well, we better get going.

- Wait, what happened
to your signed book?

Isn't that the whole reason
we came here?

- I gave it to Scoots so she'd
help me catch Lily.

- Oh, sorry, big brother.

For reasons incomprehensible to
me, I know that autograph

was important to you.

- Not as important as you guys.

I never should have
dragged you here

in the first place.

I was supposed
to be responsible for you.

I'm sorry.

- It's okay, big brother.

We forgive you.

- Ish.

- Let's go home.

- May I come with?

- Negatory.

Your services are needed
more here than in my home.

This mall requires a thorough
clean-up.

Make me proud.

- Hey, guys, we're home.

- Lincoln, guess what,

We stopped at the mall, and Rip
Hardcore was there

signing books.

We know you're a big
fan, so we got you one.

- A little thank you
for helping out today.

It's so great that we can
count on you.

- Actually, I have to tell
you something.

The truth is--
- He let us jump on the bed.

- But only because
we kept bugging him.

- Lincoln was a top-rate
babysitter.

- I give him a out of .

- [chuckles] I think we can live
with that.

- What'd you do that for?

- That was my little
thank you

for letting us keep the
ducklings.

Wait, what?

[ducklings chirping]

- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house
- ♪ Loud house

- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show
our love in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Loud house

♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line to take a pee

♪ Never any privacy

♪ Chaos with kids

♪ That's the way
it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house