03x13 - Friendzy

[bunniefuu]

[rock music]

♪

[pummeling and yelling]

[police siren wailing]

- Police!
Open up.

- You're probably wondering,
"What did you guys do now?"

Well, to explain,
I have to go back a few days.

You know us Louds.

We're notorious for fighting
over everything,

which usually leaves us
with nothing.

- Okay, we need some tunes
for the ride.

What should it be?
- Rock.

- Love songs.
- The sports station.

- West Coast rap.

[all yelling at once]

[air horn blares]

- If you kids can't decide,
your father and I

will decide for you.

[banjo music]

both: Yee-haw!

[all groan]

- Kids, I'm off
to the grocery store.

Any requests for dinner?

[rumbling]
- Sardines.

- Chicken nuggets.
- Bean chips.

- Banana cream pie!

- Ahh!

- Worms!

The butcher usually
sets some aside for me.

[all yelling at once]

[air horn blares]

- If you guys can't decide,
I'll decide for you.

Goulash it is.

[all groan]

[all yelling at once]

- [sighs]
Time for "ARGGH!"

[gasps]
Oof.

- You mean
"Vampires of Melancholia."

Ah!
- You mean "Prison Pageants."

- [growls]
Basketball.

[pummeling and yelling]

- You guys can't be
remotely serious.

[laughing]
But really,

I want to watch
the Circus Channel.

[all yelling at once]

[air horn blares]
- Well, if you kids

are going to fight,
I'll take the remote.

Thank you.

- Now we just wait
and watch it grow.

[birds chirping]

[all groan]

- But then I discovered

that to get what you want
in this family,

you don't necessarily
have to fight.

[baseball fanfare]

- Uh, Lynn, I usually watch
"ARGGH!" after school.

- Ah, no problem, Lincoln.

Only / innings left
in this game.

[both cheering]

- Mom, I usually watch
"ARGGH!" after school.

- I know, Lincoln, but let Lynn
watch her game today, okay?

She has a friend over.

- A friend, you say?

I called my discovery
"playing the friend card."

It means Mom and Dad
give you special privileges

if you have a friend over.

I'm pretty sure my siblings
weren't aware of it.

But now I was.

- Move it, Lincoln.

We're watching
"The Dream Boat."

- Uh, girls, let Lincoln
watch "ARGGH!"

He has a friend over.

[both groan]- Sigh.

- Guys, I'm baking cookies.
Who wants to lick the beaters?

[rumbling]

all: I do, I do!

- Get out of my way,

or I'll find you in your cell
after lights out.

- Lola, you really got to stop
watching those prison shows.

- Girls, Lincoln has
a friend over.

Let them have the beaters.

- Drop it, Stinkin'.
We have dibs.

- Girls, let Lincoln play.
He has a friend over.

[both whistling]

- Dinner is served.

- Chicken nuggets?
Bogus, dude.

I asked for
bangers and mash.

- And I clearly recall
requesting sardines.

I'm low on my omega-s.

- Well, Lincoln
has a friend over,

so Clyde got to pick
tonight's dinner.

- And I suggested
chicken nuggets.

- And I said
that was a great idea.

- I call this emergency
sibling meeting to order.

Something stinks
in this household.

And I'm not referring
to our collective

chicken nugget breath.

According to my calculations,
there is a direct correlation

between the amount of time
Clyde has been over

and the number of privileges
accrued by Lincoln.

Someone
who fancies himself a wit

might call this
"playing the friend card."

[all gasp]
- You are so right, sis.

- I got this.
During guard change,

I'll sneak up on him
in the shower.

- Uh, sister,
that won't be necessary.

I have another plan.

- I can't wait
to watch "ARGGH!"

- Me too.
I hope Hunter can escape

from that haunted
port-a-potty.

- You boys want to join me and
Roxanne for "Prison Pageants?"

- Mom!

Lola's watching TV,

but Clyde and I
are supposed to watch "ARGGH!"

- Sorry, honey.
Let Lola watch her show.

She has a friend over.

- But I have
a friend over too.

- True, but Lola
got to the TV first.

[guitars strumming]

- We may not get the TV,

but at least we can have
some cookies.

- All out, brah.

Dad said Sam and I
had first dibs.

- We may not have the TV
or the cookies,

but at least
we can choose lunch.

Hey, Dad, Clyde said he would
love franks and beans today.

- Well, Lincoln suggested it,
but I agreed.

- Sorry, guys.
Lunch is already made.

- Yeah.
- Ahh!

- My friend Haiku
is staying for lunch

and requested blood sausage.

[bird caws]
- Friend? I don't see a--

ahh!

- Okay, we may not have the TV,
or cookies,

or the lunch we want,

but we can still
play badminton.

- Sorry, Lincoln.
Whitney and I have the court.

I'm onto you, buster.
And in case you thought

you were getting
any other privileges today,

everyone else is onto you too.

- [gasps]

[both gasp]
- Yikes.

That's a lot of kids.
You want to hide at the mall

for a few hours?
- Do I?

It'll be quieter
and less crowded.

- My sisters had discovered
"the friend card."

But they forgot
that Lincoln Loud

is the man with the plan.

So I just came up with a way
to outsmart them.

- Whoo-whoo!
Doubleheader time.

- We'll be watching "ARGGH!"
Thanks.

- [chuckles]
In your dreams.

I have a friend over,so, uh--

- Yes, you have
one friend over.

But I have two.
And two is greater than one.

[girls scream]

[rock music]

- Guess what, Lincoln?
I can do math too.

And three is greater than two.

[boys scream]

[laughter]

- Hey, Sam and I had dibs
on that popcorn.

- Gee, sorry, Luna.

But I've got
three friends over.

And three beats one.

- Dude, I thought
we were on the same side.

- Yeah, well,
Lincoln brought in two friends,

so I did what I had to do.

- Well, fine.
I can call my friends too.

Operator, can you help me
place this call?

[upbeat music]

Dude, mind if
we cut in?

- But Becky and I
are playing--

- No, totally, dude.
I get that.

It's just that you only have
one friend over,

and I have four.

- Can you please pass
the remote, Lynn?

It's time
for my fashion-show show.

- [mimics buzzer]
I have three friends over,

so I get the TV.
Thank you.

- Three?
Oh, that's so cute.

I have five.

Wait...

Yeah, five.

- Excuse me, Leni,
my friends and I have to watch

our dating advice show.

- Sorry, Lori.
I have five friends over and--

- Oh.
Only five?

I'll save you the trouble--
there are six of them.

Remote, please.

- Pardon the intrusion,
eldest sibling.

But it's time for
the congressional hearings.

- But, Lisa--

- Lucky seven, baby.
Count 'em.

- Move it, Lisa.
My eight friends and I

want to watch
"Prison Pageants."

- Sorry, Lola,
but my nine friends and I

would like to watch
"Vampires of Melancholia."

- Hit the road, Jack.
My ten friends and I

have a concert to watch.

- Everyone "nose"
that is more than .

And we have a comedy special
to watch.

- You guys, this is
literally out of control.

Lana, did you really
have to invite

of your muddy friends over?

- Don't bark at me.

Lincoln invited randos over
from the arcade.

I bet you don't even know
all their names.

- I do too.

There's Jeff--
or is it Josh?

- By my calculations, with this
many people in the house,

we could be approaching
a thr*at level of...

stampeding T-Rex.

- Hey, I was watching that!
- Too bad.

- No, too bad for you!
- Give me the remote.

I want to watch
the sports channel.

- Uh-oh.
Make that erupting volcano.

[pummeling and yelling]

- That's just great, Lincoln.

Those complete strangers
you invited into our home

just started a fight.

- Jim would never do that.

It was probably
Lola's pageant group.

They looked vicious.

- [scoffs] My money's on

Lynn's meathead jock friends.

- Ugh.

[all arguing]

[rock music]

[police siren wailing]

- Police!
Open up.

- And now you're caught up.

[all yelling]

- Okay, kids.
Break it up.

Party's over.

- Ugh, get me out of here.
- Stop shoving me.

- Wait, Leni.

You don't leave.
You live here.

- Oh, right.

- What is going on here?

Why are there kids
walking out of our house?

- Are you the parents?

I'm afraid you've got
a $ ticket

for noise violation.

Try to keep your kids
under control.

- Anyone care to explain?

- I will. I've got the story
down pretty well by now.

And now you're caught up.

- Well, you guys are going
to have to use your allowances

to pay for this ticket.

- And I hope you've learned
your lesson.

- Definitely.

We're done playing
the friend card.

In fact, we fold.

[laughing]

- Guys, from now on,
why don't we just take turns

choosing what show to watch

and who gets to lick
the beaters and junk.

- Pretty sweet idea.

We can start
with dinner tonight.

- Lori, you're the oldest.
Why don't you go first?

- Ooh, okay.
I think we should have--

- Um, sorry, honey.
Tonight's dinner

has already been set.
We're having goulash.

- Goulash?
- Why?

[doorbell rings]
- Well... [chuckles]

We're having friends over.

- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house
- ♪ Loud house

- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show
our love in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Loud house

♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line
to take a pee ♪

♪ Never any privacy

♪ Chaos with kids

♪ That's the way
it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house