02x38 - No Laughing Matter

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom
on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪

♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪

♪ Guy's got to do
what he can to survive ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck, dodge, push,
and shove ♪

♪ Is how we show our love ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ One boy and ten girls ♪

♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪

- ♪ Loud Loud Loud ♪

♪ Loud house ♪

- Poo-poo.

[light music]

♪ ♪

- [yawns]

- Hey, Lincoln.
Want some punch?

- Sure!
[screams]

- [laughs]

If that joke knocked you out,

don't miss my performance
in the Junior Comedian's Contest

this Saturday
at the Chortle Portal.

It's sure to generate a lot of--

- Ah!
- Buzz!

Ha, ha, ha!

Did you guys hear
that the lipstick

and the eyeliner
got into a fight?

Don't worry.
They'll make up.

Ha, ha, ha!

Get it?

both: [sigh]

- Come see me perform

in the Junior Comedian's Contest
this Saturday.

It'll definitely leave you
feeling flush!

- [screams]

- Hey, Lisa.
What's . ?

- Pfft, don't waste my time.
That's pi.

- Did you say pie?
[laughs]

I'll be serving up a big slice
of comedy at the Chortle Portal,

Saturday night!

Knock, knock!

- Who's there?

- Ivan.
- Ivan who?

- Ivan to suck your blood!
- [hisses]

Please don't touch Edwin.

- Oh, sorry.

I didn't mean to be
a pain in the neck!

Ha, ha, ha!

Hey, come see my act
at the Chortle Portal.

I promise it won't bite!

Ha, ha, ha!

[whoopee cushion farts]

Gas what?
You're invited too!

- Thank you all for coming
to my tea party.

Who would like
a finger sandwich?

- Finger sandwich?

I was hoping for toe-fu.

Har, har! Get it, toots?

Don't be a dummy.
Come to my show!

♪ ♪

- I got punched!
- I got flushed!

- I got pie'd!
- Toe-fu? Really?

- [sighs]

- Let me guess: Luan.

- Ugh, she said she had a "yoke"
that would "cr*ck me up."

P.S. It didn't.

- I can't wait for her Chortle
Portal thing to be over.

She's been driving me nuts!

- Tell me about it.

It's not even funny.
It's just obnoxious!

- She's so annoying.

- I wish she would just stop.

- Yeah!
- Totes!

- So not cool!

♪ ♪

- [yawns]

Oh, boy.
Is that punch?

- Yep. Want some?

- Not this time.

[liquid pours]

Oh.

Thanks?

- Hey, guys.

Do you know what happened
to my hairbrush?

- I don't know, Luan.

What did happen
to your hairbrush?

- Oh, never mind.
There it is.

- That was totally weird, dudes.

- I know!
She didn't even do this.

- [screams]

- Ch-yeah! I solved it!

I do not know why Pythagoras
couldn't hack this one.

It's a piece of cake!

- Did you just say
piece of cake?

- Oh, boy.

Here comes
the dessert projectile!

- 'Cause it looks
really hard to me.

Congratulations.

- Felicitations
instead of frosting?

I don't understand.

- Knock, knock.

both: Who's there?

- Me. I need to borrow a dollar.

both: "Me, I need to borrow
a dollar" who?

- Fine, if you're not
gonna help me,

I'll just go ask Lola.

Hey, Lola.
Can I borrow a dollar?

- Oh, ha-ha.
I get it.

Doll-ar.

Very funny.

Oh. You actually want a dollar.

- Thanks.

- Okay, you guys.
Luan's been acting really weird.

She just asked me for money

but didn't make any joke
or pun about it.

- Oh?
She didn't pull out any cheddar?

Or lettuce?
Or bread?

Whoa, that is weird.

- Come to think of it,

she missed
the perfect opportunity

to cake me.

- She knocked on my coffin

just to ask for a dollar.

- Maybe we should see
if she's okay.

- Or... maybe we should
just be grateful for the break.

I say we celebrate.

- Agreed.

We can finally enjoy pie

without having it propelled
into our faces.

Let's seize this opportunity.

all: [cheering]

- Trash call!

I'm coming in!

♪ ♪

Oh, Luan, you accidentally put
your flyers in the trash.

- No accident.

I'm not entering the contest.

In fact,
I'm out of the comedy game.

- What? Why would you give up
the thing you love most?

- Because I heard what you all
said about me the other day.

- Look, we didn't mean
that stuff.

We were just venting.

See, you've been so
in our faces lately.

I'm sure it's just because

you're getting ready
for your show.

- You don't have to make
excuses, Lincoln.

I get it.
I'm not funny.

I'm annoying.

In fact, while you've got
that trash bag...

joke notebooks, trash.

- No, Luan, you are funny!

We didn't mean--

- Whoopee cushions, trash.

It's okay, Lincoln.

You did me a favor.

If I'm annoying
to my own family,

think how annoying I'd be

to an audience
full of strangers.

- Wha?

- Thanks
for taking out the trash.

- Guys, put down the pie.

- Why? Is it going to explode?

- No, and it never will again.

Luan heard everything
we said about her,

and now she's giving up comedy!

- Wow, then her show
at the Chortle Portal

is gonna be really bad.

- No, she's not doing
the Chortle Portal!

all: [gasp]

- But that was a big deal
for her!

She wrote about it in her diary!

Probably!

- We have to convince her
to do the show!

- We've got until
tomorrow night.

We can come up with something.

- Already did.

Guys, huddle up.

- [whistling]

Uh-oh!
I dropped my banana peel.

I wouldn't want anyone
to slip on it!

- Maybe then pick it up.

- Hey, Luan!

I just made six cream pies,

but I can't think
of what to do with them.

- I don't know.

You could eat two, I guess,

and then give the rest
to charity.

- Man, I've been practicing
my rim sh*ts all day!

If only I had a reason
to bust one out.

- Well, good luck with that.

- Gee, Leni.
It sure is wet outside.

- How wet is it?

- I don't know.
Luan, how wet is it?

- Pretty wet,
but I think it's clearing up.

- Okay, everyone.

Clearly, the joke setups
are not working.

- I know! I'm pitching her
the sweetest meatballs,

and she's not even swinging!

- Don't worry.
I have another plan.

We're gonna skip the jokes
and go straight to the laughs.

- What does that mean?

- All homers and no pitches.

- I like it.

all: [cheering]

- That looks gross.

- [spits, laughs]

Oh, my gosh, Luan!

Zing!
[laughs]

- Hey. What're you watching?

- [spits]

Oh, my gosh, Luan!

Oh, wow.
You are hilarious.

♪ ♪

- Are you gonna be
done in here soon?

- [spits, laughs]
Dude!

Done in here soon!

Too much, man!

♪ ♪

- All right.
Everyone out here.

Now.

I see what you guys are doing,

and it's not going to work.

I'm done with comedy.

- [spits]
Done with comedy!

Ha! Classic Luan.

- Leni, knock it off!

- Who's there?

- [growls]

- We can't give up!

- [spits]
Can't give up!

Too funny!

You guys, this is so much fun.

[foreheads slap]

- Guys!
I think I've got the answer.

- No need, Lisa b*at you to it.

- I've calibrated
my time machine

to send us back two minutes

before Luan overheard us
criticizing her.

- That is pretty good.

- Small disclaimer:

the journey may result

in our butts being in front.

- Lincoln, what's your plan?

- Well, we can't convince Luan
she's funny, right?

But what if an audience can?

- How's that gonna happen, dude?

- Leave it to me.

You just make sure

she's at the Chortle Portal

at : .

- Can you still put
my butt in front?

- Thanks for coming
with us, Luan.

- Sure.
Just because I'm not funny

doesn't mean I can't enjoy
someone else's comedy.

Wait, does it?

- Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome
to Junior Comedian's Night!

Please give a hearty
Chortle Portal welcome

to our first comedian,
Lincoln Loud!

[cheers and applause]
- Lincoln?

And what's he doing
with my joke notebooks?

- [clears throat]

Hello, Royal Woods.

So, did you hear
that the lipstick

and the eyeliner
got into a fight?

Because seven ate nine!

- [gasps]
That's the wrong punch line!

- Never mind, here's one I know
you're gonna love.

Why did the chickpea
cross the road?

Wait, that doesn't make sense.

Oh! Chicken!

This writing is
really hard to read.

Why did the students
eat their homework?

Because their teacher said
it would be a piece of pie!

♪ ♪

- No, no, no!

The punch line is
"piece of cake"!

[laughter]

Oh. [chuckles]

His delivery was
a little crummy.

[laughter]

But don't worry,
things are about to get batter.

[laughter]

Did you hear about the race

between the lettuce
and the tomato?

The lettuce was a head,

but the tomato was
trying to ketchup!

[laughter]

Why couldn't Timmy
ride a bicycle?

Because Timmy was a goldfish!

- There she is!

The winner of
the Junior Comedian's Contest!

- Oh, I owe it all to you guys.

Lincoln, thanks for stinking on
purpose so I'd get up on stage.

- Uh... yes.
On purpose.

Of course.

- We think you're really funny,

and we're proud of you.

We're sorry we said

that harsh stuff about you.

- Thanks. That means a lot.

And I know I can be
a little bit much sometimes.

I'll try to tone it down.

- Whoops!

- Mm...

- Go ahead, you can say it.

- Your breakfast is toast!

And that's no yoking matter.

If you scramble,
you can make another!

- It's good to have you back.

- Hey, why are you heading
for the egg-sit?

I'm bacon you to come back!

[laughs]

I cr*ck myself up.
[laughs]

- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show
our love in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Loud house ♪

♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line to take a pee ♪

♪ Never any privacy ♪

♪ Chaos with kids ♪

♪ That's the way
it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪