01x24 - Toads and Tiaras

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom
on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles

♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪

♪ Guy's got to do
what he can to survive ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house

♪ In the Loud house

- ♪ Duck, dodge, push,
and shove ♪

♪ Is how we show our love

- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ One boy and ten girls

♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪

- ♪ Loud Loud Loud

♪ Loud house

- Poo-poo.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Good,
and turn and wave.

More teeth.
Less teeth.

Excellent!
Keep it up!

You might be wondering
why I'm helping Lola practice

for a beauty contest.

Well, tomorrow is the Little
Miss Prim and Perfect Pageant,

and the winner gets
the greatest prize ever--

two season passes
to Dairyland Amoosement Park!

That's one for Lola
and one for coach.

I've been working my butt off
all week to make sure she wins.

- [sneezes]

[spits]

- Oh, oh, God!

It's been a long,
hard road,

but once we get
to Dairyland,

it'll all be worth it.

- Get back here,
Hops!

- Lana, watch out!

Do you know how hard it is
to steam-clean chiffon?

- Blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.

- Okay, Lola.
Let's move on to your walk.

Remember what Gil DeLily says
in his best-selling book,

"Unlocking Your Inner
Pageant Queen"--

"To win the day,
you must sashay!"

- I know how to walk,
Lincoln.

- [slowed]
No!

Okay, minor setback.

We can still win
this thing.

- Wake up and smell
the hairspray, Lincoln.

It's over!

- You can't just quit!
We worked hard on this!

- There'll be other pageants,
you know.

- But not
with Dairyland tickets.

- Lincoln,
I need my beauty rest.

As your pal
Gil DeLily would say,

"I can't recover
if you're going to hover."

- I can't believe I learned
to French braid for nothing.

- Hey, Lincoln.
You done with this?

I could use the scrap metal
for welding.

- [gasps]

- ♪ Hallelujah

- Uh, why are you looking
at me like that?

- Lana, how would you like
a season pass to Dairyland?

- [gasps]
- ♪ Hallelujah

- Don't toy with me,
Lincoln!

- I'm not!

All you have to do is
one teensy, tiny, little thing.

- What is it?
I'll do anything!

- You just have to take
Lola's place

in the Little Miss Prim
and Perfect Pageant and win.

- Are you kidding me?
Agh!

Do you know
who you're talking to?

- Some who's going to love
Dairyland's newest ride--

the Milk Shaker.

It's so fast,
you can barf,

fly around a loop,
and get hit in the face

with said barf.

- Darn you,
Lincoln!

I am in!

But wait.
What if Lola finds out?

You know
what she's capable of.

[dramatic music]

[both shuddering]

- She won't find out.
I promise.

Agh! First off,
we got to clean you up.

Dirt on your face
gets you last place.

- [snoring]

What are you doing
with that?

- Oh, this?
[chuckles nervously]

Just, uh,
getting it dry-cleaned.

You keep healing,
sunshine.

- What is this weird
sparkly towel?

- It's called
a dress, Lana.

Now, hold still
while I work my magic.

- Agh! It smells
like princess farts!

- [sniffing]

[growls]

- Oh, hey, Lola!

Your hair spray
makes a great deodorant.

It really covers up
that musky man smell.

- Hmm...

- [sighs]

Help me get my arms
unstuck?

- You're gonna feel
some slight discomfort and...

- [screaming]

Time to work on what
Gil DeLily calls the three Ws:

walk, wave, and work it.

Okay, we're walking,
we're waving,

but we're just not
working it.

Tools in your dress?
Seriously?

- Handyman's code,
Lincoln.

Always be prepared.

- You are not
a handyman!

You are
a pageant queen!

What? It's supposed
to snow tonight.

- Lola, what can
a six-year-old do

to make the world
a better place?

- Um...

- Lana!
You can't scratch your butt!

- What?
It helps me think.

- Well,
knock it off!

"Those who scratch
lose the match."

Okay,
talent portion.

What ya got?

[armpit farts]

- Impressive,
but I'm gonna pass.

How about
a ribbon dance?

It shows elegance
and poise.

- Excuse me
while I go barf.

- Lana, I'm busting my hump
trying to turn you

into a pageant queen,
and all I'm getting is lip.

Do you want those Dairyland
tickets or not?

- Okay, okay.
You're right.

- As Gil says,
"She who gives 'tude"--

- I already agreed!

[pageant music]

♪ ♪

- Whoo-hoo!
Lana, look at you!

You've done it!
You're prim and perfect!

- I never thought I'd say it,
but this feels pretty good.

I don't even mind
the sparkly towel.

both:
Dairyland, here we come!

- Whoa,
look at those girls!

They're all so clean
and sparkly.

- Well, so are you.

You're as good
as any of them!

I didn't know this was
going to be on TV.

Good thing we don't get
the Princess Channel.

- Thanks for getting me
the Princess Channel, daddy.

- No problem,
sweetie.

It was either that
or the sports channel.

And who needs that, huh?
[crying]

- Welcome to the Little
Miss Prim and Perfect Pageant.

I'm your host,
Donnie Dufresne.

Let's meet America's
junior sweethearts.

Hailing from Royals Woods,
Miss Lola Loud!

- [gasps]
What is going on?

- I'd like to thank my coach
and brother, Lincoln.

- Lincoln!
I should have known!

- And I just want to say
it is great to be here.

[burps]
[all exclaiming]

Sorry you were downwind
of that, Donnie.

- They're ruining me!

And they will pay!

[growls]

- Woot!
Sports channel, here I come!

[cheers and applause]

- Lana, what
were you thinking?

Remember what Gil says--

"If you belch onstage,
the judges will rage."

- Gil actually has
a rhyme for that?

- That's why he's
a pageant powerhouse.

Now, the evening gown
competition is next.

If we want to win
those tickets,

we cannot afford
any more slip-ups.

[applause]

- Oh!
Hang on, everybody!

Loose floorboard!

That'll hold.
Carry on!

[girls laughing]

- Lana!
What was that?

We talked
about the tools!

- I couldn't help it!

Fixing stuff
is what I do!

- You're supposed to be
prim and perfect!

Now, do you want to go
to Dairyland

and get hit in the face
with your own barf or not?

I know you can do this.

The interview is next.
Go out there and nail it!

Not with that.

- Lola,
what can six-year-olds do

to eliminate
the national debt?

- Um...

- No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.

- Plenty, Donnie.

Just because we're six doesn't
mean we can't make a difference.

[applauding]

[frog croaks]
Oh! Hops!

[all screaming]

- [grunting]

- Lana,
what is the problem?

We went over everything
in Gil's book

and the companion DVD
and the podcast!

How are you still
not getting it?

- I'm sorry,
Lincoln.

No matter what I do,

I can't be prim and perfect
like these girls.

Maybe there's something
wrong with me.

[frog croaks]

- Lana! Wait!
There's nothing wrong with you!

I'm the one
who messed up.

I got so caught up
in winning those tickets,

I turned
into Gil DeLily...

who, when you stop
to think about it,

probably needs
to get a life.

- Yeah, but still,
why can't I be like them?

- Because you're you.

You're messy and muddy and keep
a lot of reptiles in your pants.

But that's what
makes you awesome.

And I was crazy
to try and change you.

- Aw, thanks,
Lincoln.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

Miss Lola Loud
and her fabulous ribbon dance!

- Well, that's me.

I'll do my best.

- Forget
the ribbon dance.

Why don't you go do
your own talent?

- Really?

Okay, but you can kiss those
Dairyland tickets good-bye.

- I don't care
about them anymore.

Go be yourself.

- [growls]

- Yo, Hops!
Give me a bassline.

- [croaking]

- [snapping fingers]
[armpit farts]

[scratching]

- [blows raspberry]
- [croaking]

♪

- Whoo-hoo!
That's my sister!

- And this is
your other sister!

- Wait! It's my fault,
not Lana's.

It was all my idea.

♪

[cheers and applause]

- I have worked for years

to build
my pageant reputation,

and you just ruined it!

- Lola!
Listen!

- And the winner is...

Lola Loud!

[cheers and applause]
- Whoo-hoo!

- [gasps]
Lola!

I'm so sorry
I pretended to be you.

Please don't be mad at me.

- I don't like what you did,
but you did win.

And I respect
a winner.

- I think this
belongs to you.

- No, you earned it...

you both did

and the Dairyland tickets.

- ♪ Hallelujah

♪ Hallelujah ♪

both:
We're going to Dairyland!

- Welp, I've learned
two very valuable lessons--

one, you should never
try to turn someone

into something
they're not.

And, two, If you ever ride
the Milk Shaker,

keep your mouth closed.

[vomits]
- Awesome!

- My mouth was open!

[upbeat music]