Kagura: Have you forgotten...
Kagura: ...about the red kerchief?
All: They got in the kiddy bath!
The Bathhouse, Where You're Naked in Body and Soul
Gin: Huh? Why?
Gin: Why?
Gin: Why did these giants get in the kiddy bath?
Gin: U-Uh...
Gin: The adult bath is warmer and more comfortable.
Hedoro: Oh...
Hedoro: Actually, our race can't stand hot water.
Hedoro: We only bathe in cold water.
Hedoro: We'd love to use the cold bath over there but it's too small for us.
Gin: We made the wrong choice!
Gin: We should have gotten in the adult bath!
Gin: Hey! We're completely surrounded!
Gin: Like an innocent bystander in the middle of a bunch of burly, tattooed men!
Kondo: Dude, they're watching us!
Kondo: They're staring at us!
Hijikata: What do we do?! We can't get out!
Hedoro: How is the water, Dad?
Dad: Too warm!
Dad: This is what the Edo folk are used to?
Dad: I'd prefer cold water that makes you shiver good.
Hedoro: Our dad is a traditional Dakini.
Hedoro: But it's true that the water is a little lukewarm.
Shin: Um, we were just saying how the water was too warm.
Shin: Want me to add some cold water?
Hedoro: Oh, no. There's no need for that.
Hedoro: I brought an iceberg just in case this happened.
Saburo: That's our Brother Hedoro!
Saburo: He's always prepared.
Jiro: This ice water is perfect.
Kondo: Y-You bet!
Kondo: It gives you a real kick!
Gin: How cold do they need their water?!
Gin: We aren't seals!
Kondo: My lips are turning purple!
Kondo: I'm gonna freeze to death! Freeze to death!
Gin: Hey! Someone get us out of here!
Shin: No!
Shin: They'll think that we don't like their ice-cold water!
Okita: Damn, I'm getting sleepy.
Hijikata: Don't go to sleep! You'll die!
Chibi: Papa, can I get out?
Gin: That's it!
Gin: Kids hate long baths!
Gin: We'll use this chance to...!
Hedoro: Absolutely not!
Hedoro: You must stay in the bath for at least ten minutes.
Hedoro: Otherwise you won't be able to wash away the sweat and grime.
Hedoro: Look.
Hedoro: Follow the example of these young men.
Hedoro: They're even washing their heads.
Hedoro: Goro, you need to do a better job of raising him.
Goro: Sorry, Brother.
Goro: I can't stop spoiling him.
Kondo: Ten minutes?!
Kondo: If we stay in this freezing water for ten minutes, we'll be dead!
Kondo: No more!
Kondo: My d*ck has shrunk to the point where it looks like I have three balls.
Gin: Wait, yours was always that small.
Kondo: It's going to completely disappear!
Okita: Either way, we're dead.
Okita: Hijikata-san, you lead the way.
Hijikata: Screw that!
Hijikata: I'll do whatever it takes to live longer than you!
Hijikata: You go!
Gin: Then the person who runs out of breath first gets to take one for the team.
Gin: That settles it!
Kondo: Hey, that's dirty!
Kondo: You go!
Gin: You!
Kondo: You!
Gin: Bastard!
Shin: Hey! This isn't the time to be fighting amongst ourselves!
Kondo: I refuse to go!
Gin: Hey! Hold on!
Gin: What are you holding on to?
Gin: Hey! Why are you holding that?!
Gin: And that geezer's balls really sag!
Shin: Let go! Quick!
Kondo: N-No!
Kondo: I can't move my fingers! They're frozen stiff!
Gin: Hey, surface and make up some kind of excuse!
Gin: We'll deal with the situation down here.
Both: What kind of excuse do you want?!
Shin: Y-Yeah, this is such a nice bath.
Hedoro: What were you doing underwater?
Hijikata: Oh, we were holding a little diving contest.
Hijikata: It's all the rage these days.
Hijikata: Damn, I lost!
Hedoro: Earthlings are such fun.
Hedoro: Hm? Is something wrong, Dad?
Dad: Hm, my crotch feels strange.
Hedoro: Huh?
Shin: O-Oh, it must be a side effect of the water!
Hedoro: A side effect of the water?
Shin: Yes, you know?
Shin: Right, Mr. Make-up-an-excuse?
Shin: Why don't you explain it to them?
Hijikata: What?!
Hijikata: I-In fact, the water in this bath is drawn from an underground spring
Hijikata: known as the Biagra Spring.
All: The Biagra Spring?
Hijikata: It's excellent for improving your health and sexual drive!
Dad: Oh, I see.
Dad: That's why it feels like something's tugging on my junk.
Hijikata: I-I'm sure that you'll feel like a young man once you're done here.
Dad: Oh, that sounds like a challenge.
Dad: Honey, let's try for number six tonight!
Mom: Oh, please.
Hedoro: Come on, Dad.
Goro: Huh?
Hedoro: Dad?
Shin: Your dad must be really excited.
Shin: He's joining in the diving contest.
Jiro: Oh, I see.
Saburo: But I see a lot of bubbles.
Hedoro: Oh, his hand.
Shiro: He seems to be struggling...
Shin: I-It's a V!
Shin: He's signaling V for victory!
Shin: It's too easy!
Shiro: Oh, he was signaling a V.
Goro: Oh, somebody's come up for a breath!
Kondo: Hel...
Jiro: He just asked for help...
Saburo: Uh, it's obvious that something's happening down there...
Shin: Nothing's happening! Nothing's happening at all!
Hijikata: Th-They're just playing around.
Hijikata: Those guys are such jokers.
Hedoro: Hey, Jiro.
Hedoro: Take a look down there.
Jiro: Y-Yes.
Shin: Hold on!
Shin: Nothing's happening!
Shin: Everything's okay!
Hedoro: Oh, there he is.
Goro: We were worried, Dad.
Goro: Are you okay?
Kondo: Sorry, sorry.
Kondo: I ran into this giant squid underwater.
Kondo: Man, I thought I was finished.
Both: Uh, we're definitely finished now!
Hedoro: Huh? Wait, who are you?
Kondo: Huh? Wh-What are you talking about? I'm your dad.
Both: No, no, no.
Both: You can't fool them like that!
Gin: Oh, it must be the Biagra Spring.
Okita: He's young again. That's awesome.
Both: Impossible! They're not gonna buy it!
Hedoro: What?
Hedoro: R-Really?
Hedoro: You look like a completely different person.
Kondo: What?! You've forgotten how your own father looks?!
Kondo: Honey, let's forget about these heartless jerks and make a new kid!
Hijikata: She's ignoring him!
Hijikata: She knows the truth!
Kondo: A-Anyway, it's time to get out.
Kondo: I'm feeling a bit chilly after the long bath.
Hedoro: Wait a moment, Dad.
Hedoro: Something's dangling from your crotch.
Shin: Dad is dangling from dad!
Kondo: What are you talking about?
Kondo: That's just my ball sack.
Hedoro: Your ball sack?
Hedoro: It looks exactly like your former self.
Kondo: It's just a ball sack.
Kondo: Look at the wrinkles.
Kondo: It's become bloated after sitting in the water.
Hedoro: C-Come to think of it, I've never seen your ball sack before.
Hedoro: So this is your ball sack?
Shin: Of course not!
Shin: Gi-Gin-san!
Gin: We've got no choice.
Gin: They got stuck together.
Gin: We'll just have to ride out the storm on this story.
Shin: Is that even possible?!
Shin: We're supposed to weather the stormy seas
Shin: with that heavy anchor dangling from our boat?!
Shin: Yeah, it's not happening.
Shin: What do we do?
Shin: We should apologize before they figure out what happened.
Gin: Apologize?
Gin: For getting tangled up in their old man's ball sack
Gin: and treating him like a ball sack?
Gin: If we do that, we'll be m*rder*d by the family of demons!
Gin: We'll have to trust him.
Gin: He'll make it work somehow.
Gin: All we can do is pray.
Gin: I pray for our success.
Hijikata: Wait a second!
Hijikata: Don't just spit out cliches and run away!
Hijikata: Do something about Kondo-san!
Gin: What?
Gin: It's his own fault for getting tangled in the ball sack!
Hedoro: What are you arguing about?
Hedoro: Did you forget your shampoo?
Hedoro: I can lend you my Temote.
Gin: N-No, I prefer Tsubakiki.
Hijikata: I go for Vidal Hahhoon.
Gin: Uh, I think I stayed in the bath too long, so I'd like to get going.
Hedoro: What? You haven't washed your body yet.
Hedoro: Are you trying to be considerate and give our family some space?
Gin: No, that's not it.
Hedoro: I'm terribly sorry.
Hedoro: We were the ones who barged in on the bath you had reserved.
Hedoro: Please allow us to wash your backs.
Hedoro: I cannot leave before I've shown my appreciation.
Gin: He wants to show his appreciation...
Hijikata: He won't let us leave until he's gotten revenge.
Hedoro: Jiro, Saburo.
Hedoro: Shiro, Goro.
Hedoro: We're going to wash their backs.
Gin: N-No, no, no!
Shin: N-No, thanks!
Shin: We can wash ourselves!
Okita: That's right.
Okita: When someone stands behind me, I get the urge to beat him down.
Hijikata: Hey! Stop making threats!
Hijikata: This isn't the time to let your sadistic side take over!
Kondo: Yeah! Let them wash your backs!
Gin: That's enough out of you, Grandpa Ball-Sack!
Gin: The gorilla is k*lling our chance to escape!
Hedoro: I'll wash Dad's back.
Hedoro: Let me know if there are any spots that itch.
Kondo: This brings back memories.
Kondo: When you were little, you used to wash my back for me.
Hedoro: You would always get mad.
Hedoro: You would yell at me to wash harder.
Hedoro: Dad! What's wrong?!
Jiro: His skin has peeled off, Brother Hedoro!
Hedoro: Impossible!
Hedoro: Dad used a sponge with nails to wash himself!
Saburo: When did he become so weak?
Shiro: Maybe this isn't Dad?
Gin: I-It must be, you know...
Gin: The soap. He must be allergic to the soap.
Hedoro: Would he start gushing blood because he's allergic to the soap?
Gin: The soap on Earth is really acidic,
so you have to be careful or your body will dissolve!
Hedoro: Really...
Hedoro: I'm sorry, Dad.
Gin: I-It must be hard when you don't know anything about this place.
Gin: We'll teach you the Earth way of taking a bath,
so please have a seat!
Jiro: Earthlings are so kind.
Goro: They allowed us in the bath that they had previously reserved,
Goro: and they're even offering to wash our backs.
Hedoro: Thank you very much.
Hedoro: I promise to return the favor.
Gin: N-No, we just want you to enjoy your stay on Earth.
Hijikata: Hey! Why are we doing this?!
Gin: It beats having the skin ripped off our backs!
Hijikata: Washing their backs is just as dangerous!
Shin: But we can prevent any further damage
to Kondo-san by teaching them how we clean.
Hedoro: Let us learn how they wash their bodies in Edo, Dad.
Shin: See?
Hijikata: We need to be really delicate,
'cause Kondo-san's body can't take much more.
Gin: That settles it.
Gin: Now, Hedoro-san.
Gin: Do as I do.
Gin: First, you must have a gentle mindset.
Gin: The soap on Earth is strong,
so the softest of sponges can still hurt your body.
Gin: First, we add lotion to the water to make it smoother.
Hijikata: What kind of bath are we talking about?!
Hijikata: We don't need to teach them how to
wash at the bathhouses you frequent!
Gin: I don't frequent them!
Gin: If the water is slimy enough,
nobody will notice when there's an accident!
Hijikata: What kind of accident?!
Hijikata: Your mind is a pile of slime!
Okita: So you're a fan, boss.
Hijikata: And he already slimed him!
Okita: Huh, he's smoking?
Shiro: My body is on fire!
Shiro: Wh-What did you do?!
Shin: What is this?!
Shin: They're all in pain, Gin-san!
Okita: This is bad, chief.
Okita: It looks like their weakness is lotion.
Gin: What?!
Gin: Their weakness is lotion?
Sure, most guys have a weakness for lotion!
Kondo: Lotion is getting in my wounds!
Hedoro: Say, Odd Jobs. Is everything okay?
Gin: E-Everything is fine!
Gin: This liquid kills germs.
Gin: The pain means that the germs are dying!
Gin: B-But we should probably wash it off.
Gin: Hey! Pour water on them!
Gin: Wash off the lotion!
Hijikata: Wh-What do you think you're doing?!
Gin: Wh-Who poured lotion all over the floor?!
Hijikata: You did!
Okita: Chief, am I doing it right?
Hijikata: You don't have to copy him!
Shin: Hijikata-san, we have no choice!
Shin: Act like this is how we bathe in Edo!
Hijikata: Hell no!
Shin: If you don't, you'll end up like him.
Hedoro: Odd Jobs, are you sure this is the proper way to apply water?
Hijikata: It's fine.
Hijikata: This is how we bathe in Edo.
Hedoro: You Edo folk are amazing.
Hedoro: You t*rture yourselves when you take a bath?
Gin: Pretty much!
Gin: It's like a form of training!
Hedoro: I'm very impressed by you samurai.
Hedoro: I wouldn't be able to stand this treatment.
Gin: H-He's running out of patience?!
Hijikata: Any more and he'll k*ll us all!
Hijikata: I can't trust this guy with our lives!
Hijikata: I'll take over then.
Hijikata: I have to make up for all the previous failures.
Hijikata: First, we pull the head out of the wall
and wash it with lukewarm wate-
Hijikata: Wate-
Hijikata: H-He won't come out!
Hijikata: Wate-
Hijikata: But you're actually trying to impale your forehead on the horns.
Shin: Even Hijikata-san screwed up!
Hedoro: Huh? Why would you do that?
Hijikata: This is how we make amends for the previous step.
Hijikata: Yeah, isn't that right?
Gin: No, I've never heard that before.
Hijikata: Huh?
Gin: That's not how we bathe in Edo.
Hijikata: The bastard is ignoring my mistake?!
Hijikata: That's bullshit!
Hijikata: I've been saving your ass this whole time!
Hijikata: No, think long and hard.
Hijikata: You've done this before.
Gin: No, I haven't.
Gin: I guarantee it.
Gin: Why would I want to do that?
Gin: Could you stop?
Gin: It's pretty disgusting to try to pass off your mistake as an Edo tradition.
Hijikata: Then what the hell have you been doing this whole time?!
Hedoro: Huh? What are you talking about?
Hijikata: Man, this is bad!
Hijikata: He's figured out that something's wrong!
Okita: Huh? You don't follow this practice?
Okita: Everybody in the Shinsengumi does.
Hijikata: Sogo...
Hijikata: You're helping me?
Okita: Watch this.
Okita: You aim for the center...
Okita: Like this!
Hijikata: Why me?!
Hijikata: I was wondering why he would jump to my rescue.
Hijikata: Now I see why!
Hijikata: In that case...
Shin: Do these people even realize that we're in a bathhouse?!
Shin: This has nothing to do with bathing anymore!
Shin: And why are the Hedoro brothers letting you do this?!
Hedoro: I see, there are many different practices in Edo.
Shin: Gin-san! Kondo-san!
Shin: Th-That's a barbaric practice that was introduced by some country bumpkins!
Shin: You don't need to follow it!
Hedoro: Oh, really. That's good.
Hedoro: Since the practice would damage our precious horns.
Shin: Horns?
Hedoro: Yes, for the Dakini, our horns are almost as important as our lives.
Hedoro: One represents our pride.
Hedoro: The other represents our soul.
Hedoro: If our horns are damaged, our pride and soul are tarnished.
Gin: The soul of a Dakini...
Hijikata: ...is stuck in the dirtiest place in this world!
Gin: Pull it out before they notice!
Hijikata: It's no use! It's completely stuck!
Okita: Kondo-san's rectal muscles are superhuman.
Okita: Let me handle this!
Hijikata: Why did you snap them?!
Hedoro: Saburo...
Hedoro: Your horns...
Gin: Is something wrong with his horns?!
Hedoro: Well, Saburo's horns appear to be...
Hedoro: Huh? They're fine.
Hedoro: That's odd...
Hedoro: I could have sworn that...
Gin: I-It must have been your imagination.
Hijikata: You stuck them in upside-down!
Hijikata: You stabbed them right into his head!
Okita: Anyway, it was tough getting those horns out.
Okita: Huh? They're still there.
Gin: I snapped Shiro's horns off and stuck them on Saburo.
Hijikata: That doesn't help anything!
Hijikata: Now Shiro's missing his horns!
Okita: We'll have to snap off Goro's horns next.
Hijikata: Will it ever end?!
Gin: Then we'll take one horn each from Goro and Jiro to stick on Shiro.
Hijikata: That's not the issue!
Hijikata: You're just making it worse!
Gin: What about the sixth one?
Hijikata: There isn't a sixth brother!
Hijikata: We only have five to work with!
Hedoro: Hey, Saburo, Shiro.
Hedoro: And Dad.
Hedoro: If you fool around too much, your precious horns will be...
Hedoro: Shiro! Your horns!
Gin: Is something wrong with his horns?!
Hijikata: Now he docked them together!
Hedoro: Well, Shiro's horns appear to be...
Hedoro: Huh? They're fine.
Hedoro: Wait, there's two of them, so there should be four horns...
Okita: Now...
Okita: There are four horns.
Hijikata: Those are completely different horns!
Hedoro: Oh, that's a relief.
Hedoro: It appears that they're safe.
Hijikata: How can he believe this crap?!
Shin: Such strong horns...
Hijikata: In that case, there's nothing
wrong with the horns that are stuck in his ass.
Gin: Okay, that's enough preparation.
Gin: It's time to wash your backs.
Hijikata: I'm too scared to go near them.
Kiddy Bath Do not jump in.
Hedoro: We just need to throw them in the bath?
Gin: Yeah, like this.
Hijikata: Hey!
Hijikata: That's not how you wash someone's back!
Hijikata: That's how you dispose of a body!
Hedoro: Th-That's...
Hedoro: Dad's ball sack has surfaced!
Dad: You're wrong!
Dad: Don't call me a ball sack!
Hedoro: Huh? That means you've returned to your former self.
Hedoro: H-How did you enjoy your stay on Earth?
Hedoro: Was it fun?
Dad: Hell no!
Dad: It was a terrible experience!
Gin: D-Damn, he's pissed!
Hijikata: Of course he is.
Hijikata: We were calling him a ball sack.
Hijikata: We're dead!
Hijikata: For sure!
Hedoro: I-I'm very sorry, Dad.
Hedoro: You didn't like Edo.
Dad: I didn't come here so you could show the family the sights.
Dad: I wanted to see if you were living a proper life in Edo.
Dad: When you were little, you spent your days alone
Dad: because your appearance scared everyone off.
Dad: So I wanted to see that you weren't alone on this distant planet.
Dad: It was a terrible experience.
Dad: I have a bad impression of Edo.
Dad: But that doesn't matter.
Dad: Because I met some friendly people who tried their best
Dad: to make me welcome.
Dad: Hedoro, you've found some good friends.
Dad: Everyone...
All: Please continue to be friends with our brother.
Chibi: Please!
Hedoro: E-Everyone...
Shin: I guess we misunderstood their intentions.
Shin: A scary family?
Shin: I'd say they're a pretty nice family.
Gin: We shouldn't bother them.
Gin: Let's make ourselves scarce then.
Dad: Oh! Please wait!
Dad: I would like to thank you!
Shin: No, that won't be necessary.
Dad: Well, boys?
Dad: Let's show our appreciation in an Edo fashion.
Jiro: I like the sound of that.
Jiro: We'll do for them everything they've done for us.
Hedoro: Come over here, guys.
Hedoro: It's our turn to wash your backs Edo-style.
Greater Edo Bath
Kagura: When I said we should leave together,
Kagura: I was always the one who had to wait.
Kagura: Until my wet hair dried,
Kagura: and my soap became hard.
Kagura: You would embrace me,
Kagura: and say that it was cold.
Next Episode
A: Lady!
A: After hearing that you will be the star next week,
I became as excited as a ****** ** ****!
Kyubei: Shut up.
A: Yes, ma'am.
Jugem
Kyubei: Next time:
Kyubei: Jugem.
Kyubei: If you don't understand the title,
you should do some research.
05x19 - The Bathhouse, Where You're Naked in Body and Soul
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Japanese manga series where aliens have invaded and taken over feudal Tokyo, an unemployed samurai finds work however he can.
Japanese manga series where aliens have invaded and taken over feudal Tokyo, an unemployed samurai finds work however he can.