05x49 - New Year's Envelopes Are Perfect for Dirty Jokes

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New Year's Envelopes Are Perfect for Dirty Jokes

Odd Jobs Gin-chanSnack Otose

Kagura Gin-chan, Gin-chan.

Kagura Give me my New Year's envelope!

Kagura Give me my New Year's envelope.

Kagura New Year's envelope—

Gin Where did you pick up that nasty habit?

Gin A young lady shouldn't be begging for money.

Kagura But everyone else was doing it.

Kagura They said that grown-upson Earth somewhere

are supposed to give us New Year's envelopes.

Kagura Hey, Gin-chan.

What's inside a New Year's envelope?

Kagura Hey, give me a New Year's envelope!

Gin Are you sure you want one?

Kagura Yup. I don't know what a New Year's envelope is, but it's free.

Gin You won't regret your decision?

Kagura Huh?

Gin Are you prepared to accept a New Year's envelope,

no matter what may happen?

Kagura Don't scare me.

Kagura It can't be that big a deal.

Kagura Gin-chan?

Kagura Gin-chan...?

Kagura Gin-chan!

Kagura Are you okay, Gin-chan?!

Kagura Hang in there!

Kagura What... What's wrong?

Kagura Gin-chan!

Gin Take these...

Gin Th-They were inside my New Year's envelope.

Kagura Gin-chan!

Kagura G-Gin-chan, what are these?

Kagura What is a New Year's envelope supposed to be?!

Kagura H-Have I taken something very, very important from you?

Gin I-It's okay...

Gin I always knew this day would come.

Gin To be honest, I was always afraid.

Gin Afraid that you would ask for a New Year's envelope...

Gin That our lives would fall apart...

Kagura I-I'm sorry, Gin-chan.

Kagura I had no idea!

Kagura I didn't realize New Year's envelopes were such a big deal!

Kagura I don't need one then!

Kagura I don't need these mochi balls!

Kagura So, Gin-chan...

Gin Kagura, this is what happens when

you take a New Year's envelope from an adult.

Kagura Gin-chan!

Gin But you said that you wanted a New Year's envelope,

no matter what happened.

Gin In that case, you shouldn't look back.

Gin You must cross my dead body, the dead bodies of us adults.

Gin Kagura...

Gin You must collect seven of those balls.

Gin Claim those bloody phantom jewels from

relatives around the world.

Gin If you collect seven, you'll receive the legendary treasure

Gin that will grant the wish of any kid.

Gin The Treasure Balls.

Gin I know... I know you can make your wish come true.

Gin For my sake...

Kagura Gin-chan...

Kagura Gin-chan!

Kagura In your dreams!

Kagura Hey, what's a Treasure Ball?

Kagura You came up with that gross act

Kagura because you didn't want to give me a New Year's envelope?!

Kagura This is the year of the dragon, not the pig!

Gin O-Oh, you knew I was lying?

Gin That's not nice of you.

Kagura I was playing along to soften you up, but you took it way too far!

Gin But now you understand how difficult it is

Gin for grown-ups to provide New Year's envelopes.

Kagura I can't understand why someone would spit out white balls

Kagura when someone asks for a New Year's envelope!

Gin Don't blame me.

I lost all my Treasure Balls to the other kids.

Kagura You mean you lost them at a pachinko parlor!

Gin No wonder I'm coughing up Treasure Balls.

Gin I also coughed up the Treasure Soup I had for breakfast.

Kagura In that case, you should just give me everything!

Shin Seriously, why are you fighting on the first day of a new year?

Shin Happy New Year.

Shin Here you are, Kagura-chan.

Kagura Huh? What's that?

Shin What? You're supposed to give people

New Year's envelopes on New Year's Day.

New Year's EnvelopeKagura-chan

Kagura Oh, really?!

Kagura You're awesome, Shinpachi!

Shin Nah, Sis told me to bring this to you.

Kagura I see! Yay!

Shin I didn't expect to receive one at this age.

Shin Well, I guess Sis still thinks I'm just a kid.

Shin But I hope I can grow up to be like her.

Shin An adult who has plenty of money to give to kids.

Kagura That's right.

Kagura I don't want to grow up to be an adult who coughs up white balls.

Shin Yeah, I don't want to grow up to be an adult who hides indoors

Shin because he doesn't want to give out New Year's envelopes.

Gin Hey! Don't think I can't hear you!

Gin Why don't I get a New Year's envelope?!

Gin That's no fair!

Shin That's why you're mad?!

Shin You need to grow up, Gin-san!

Shin You're supposed to be handing out envelopes, not receiving them!

Kagura Can't you act like a leader for once?

Gin What are you talking about, fools?

Gin A real man never drops the ball, or his balls.

Shin Here, use this.

Gin Huh?

Shin We knew you wouldn't have any money left,

so we saved some of our pay.

Kagura You can use it to do something good for once.

Shin You need to give us a reason to feel proud

that you're our leader.

You...

Kagura And you have to pay back every penny, with interest.

Gin Thank you!

Gin Then I'll go triple the money so I have enough to give everyone!

Tama Gintoki-sama?

Tama Happy New Year, Gintoki-sama.

Shin Tama-san!

Tama Shinpachi-sama, Kagura-sama, happy New Year.

Shin Oh, happy New Year.

Kagura Happy New Year.

Kagura Oh, that's right.

Kagura Start by giving one to Tama, moron.

Kagura Don't drop the ball.

Gin That's not funny!

Shin Oh, that's right. Tama may look like an adult,

Shin but she was created a short while ago, so she should get one?

Tama Yes, it says on Wikipedia that I was born on August th, .

Shin What's that? Wikipedia exists in this world?

Tama It most certainly does.

Kagura Then what does it say about the fact

Kagura that there are barely any Amanto-like Amanto showing up?

Tama The new restrictions aren't helping,

Tama and it's a pain in the ass to come up with new characters.

Tama That's what it says.

Shin It doesn't say that anywhere!

Shin That came straight from the author himself!

Kagura Anyway, Tama is like a reverse Conan-kun, so give her an envelope.

Gin No, she looks like an adult, so she doesn't count.

Gin You can't reverse everything!

Gin Let's go look for a real kid.

Cath If you're looking for a kid to give a New Year's envelope, there's one right here.

Gin Shut up. I don't need a catty hag nagging...

Cath It's me, Tama-chan.

Cath Mister, give me an envelope.

Cath Die!

Cath I wanted a few more lines...

Gin Tsk, Shinpachi looks more likeTama-chan when crossdressing than you do!

Shin That's why you snapped?!

Shin You're probably right though!

Sei Oh, it's Gin-san!

Sei What? Are you visiting everyone for New Year's?

Sei Happy New Year!

Gin Don't "happy New Year" me.

Gin In the manga, this chapter ran before New Year's,

Gin and we're airing this episode in March.

Gin So you're trying to turn back the

clock so you can get a New Year's envelope.

Sei New Year's envelope?

Sei From you, Gin-san?!

Tsu Hinowa!

Hino I know!

Hino Close the Yoshiwara ceiling!

All Yes, ma'am!

Hino Emergency alert!

Hino Tell all the residents to brace for impact!

Hino All hands prepare for an aerial as*ault!

All Aye, aye!

Gin What do you expect to come falling down?!

Gin Do you want me to k*ll you all?!

Sei Th-That means...

Gin I came all the way out here.

Gin Just take it.

Sei Y-Yay!

Sei Gin-san came here to give me a New Year's envelope!

Tsu What happened? Are you dying?

Tsu Are you going to die?

Gin Shut up! He's the only kid I could think of, so I had to come here!

Hino Isn't that wonderful, Seita?

Sei Yup!

Shin Look at how happy he is.

Shin See? It's not a bad idea to be nice once in a while.

Gin Keep your mouth shut.

Gin Are you satisfied now?

Sorry.

Hino That's right.

Hino I also prepared a New Year's gift to show my appreciation.

Hino Shinpa-san, Kagura-chan,

Hino please take these.

Hino Tsukuyo.

Tsu Take whichever one you want.

Tsu We discovered the golden rod and balls

in Hosen's safe the other day.

Sei I received this golden piece as a New Year's gift!

Sei Isn't it pretty?

Sei Oh, what are you going to give me?

Sei Something golden?

Hino Gin-san will probably give you a silver rod.

Hino Nah, probably a silver ball.

Gin I'll go buy some silver paint that's safe for your skin.

Gin Silver soul!

Gin Uh, what am I supposed to do?

Gin What do you want me to do?

Gin They're looking for golden balls.

Gin All I got are some sagging balls.

Shin That doesn't mean you should paint your balls silver.

Kagura Make them stop sagging.

Gin It doesn't work that way!

Gin This trade would be like highway robbery!

Shin It's the thought that counts.

Gin Then you go give them your thought!

Kagura Calm down. Just make them stop sagging.

Gin I said that it doesn't work that way!

Sei Uh, is something wrong, Gin-san?

Gin No, you see...

Tsu Ahem.

Tsu I'll let you borrow this.

Tsu Hand it to him.

Both She's helping us!

Both She's letting us rent a golden bar!

Gin I can't afford to borrow that!

Gin I won't be able to pay you back!

Tsu We're only letting you borrow this temporarily anyway.

Gin I don't need it!

Gin You think I can hand that over with a straight face?!

Tsu Stop trying to act tough!

Gin Keep your voice down! He'll hear you!

Tsu It's your fault for refusing to take it!

Gin You're talking out loud and covering up your coughing!

Shin Hey!

Shin Gin-san, Tsukuyo-san!

Shin We can hear everything you're saying!

Shin Seita-kun's trying to pretend that he didn't see anything!

Gin Fine.

Gin If you're gonna insist, I'll borrow it.

Gin Don't look at me.

Gin Where? Where is it?

Tsu Right here.

Tsu The rod is right here.

Gin Rod?

Tsu No, it's lower.

Gin Rod? This is more like a ball.

Tsu What do you think you're doing?!

Sei G-Gin-san!

Gin And there's your New Year's envelope.

Kagura Are you going to keep coughing up white balls?

Kagura The last pair was half-digested.

Gin I won't be able to use that trick again.

Shin You never should have been able to use that trick.

Gin Let's just stop.

Gin This isn't my thing.

Gin I'm not the kind of person who hands out money.

Gin Let's just spend it on ourselves and go out on the town.

Gin It's on me.

Shin Don't spend our hard-earned money on yourself!

Gin But there aren't any other kids in this show.

Gin All we got are a bunch of old men who act like kids.

Shin Nobody ever said that you

have to give New Year's envelopes to kids.

Shin You could give one to a younger colleague.

Gin Colleague? I don't have any of those.

Gintoki-senpai!

Gin Hey, who was that?!

Oh, it's Gintoki-senpai!

Zura Oh, Gintoki.

Zura Come over here. I just met a familiar face.

Zura Do you remember him?

Zura We fought together as Joi.

Zura Elisugizabe...

Gin When did this monster become a colleague of mine?

That's mean, senpai. How could you forget about me? You'll destroy the world then.

Gin Why are you using these new signs?!

Gin And that won't destroy the world!

Zura How could you forget our comrade?

Zura No matter. It's New Year's, so you should give him an envelope.

I simply destroy.

Gin That ain't happening! He's so obviously a fake!

Until the beast stops howling.

Gin And why are you talking like Takasugi?!

Zura You haven't changed at all, Zabethke.

You may complain now,

but you'll give me a New Year's envelope in the end.

That's what makes you Gintoki-senpai!

Gin Why are you acting like this happened before?!

Gin I'm not giving you anything!

Zura Oh, that's right.

Zura I have envelopes for Shinpachi-kun and Leader.

Zura Take your pick.

Kagura Really, Zura?

Joi Patriot Training Course , yen

Joi Patriot Training Course , yen

Zura Tickets for , yen and , yen Joi Patriot training courses.

Become a Joi Patriot!!! , yen course

Zura The , yen course makes you a Joi patriot in three days.

Become a Joi Patriot!!! , yen course

Zura The , yen course is the same as the , yen course,

Zura but you also receive , yen!

Both Then you only need to offer the , yen course!

Kyu Gintoki!

Gin Hm? It's Kyubei.

Gin Why are you in such a rush?

Kyu Yes, I've been hearing stories about you.

Gin About me?

Kyu Well, I heard you were passing out balls today.

Gin That would make me a sicko!

Gin That's not even possible!

Gin It's not like I have extra balls!

Kyu What? Impossible!

Shin Uh, why would you ever believe those stories?

Shin And what would you do with those balls?

Kyu If I also received a rod next year, I'd be set for the operation.

Gin I'm not handing out anything!

Gin And what do rods have to do with New Year's?!

Gin You're just being weird!

Tojo Young lady!

Tojo Don't do it!

Kyu Tojo...

Tojo Don't do it!

Tojo You must not touch his spineless balls!

Kyu Balls never have spines.

Tojo That's not what I meant!

Kyu What's the problem then?

Tojo Everything! His dirty balls are not meant for a well-to-do lady like yourself!

Gin Eh? Did you say my balls are dirty?

Gin They're cleaner than yours!

Gin Squeaky clean!

Tojo No! Mine are absolutely cleaner!

Tojo Because I just visited a **** on the first day of the year

Tojo and got them washed squeaky clean!

Tojo I can prove it!

Gin Hey, let's stop this.

Gin Obviously, nothing good happens when I try to hand out New Year's envelopes.

Gin I haven't even managed to hand one over yet.

Shin Th-That's not true.

Gin Since kids and colleagues are out, who does that leave?

New Year's envelope please.

Gin Hey, let's stop this.

Gin Obviously, nothing good happens when I try to hand out New Year's envelopes.

Gin I haven't even managed to hand one over yet.

Shin Th-That's not true.

Gin Since kids and colleagues are out, who does that leave?

New Year's envelope please.

Gin H-Hey, let's stop this.

Gin Obviously, nothing good happens when I try to hand out New Year's envelopes.

Gin I-I haven't even managed to hand one over yet.

New Year's envelope please.

Gin Hey! Let's stop this!

Gin Obviously, nothing good happens when I try to hand out New Year's envelopes!

Gin I haven't even managed to hand one over yet!

Shin That's not true!

Gin Since kids and colleagues are out, who does that leave?!

Gin Hey, let's stop this.

Gin Obviously, nothing good happens...

Madao Happy New Year.

Gin Where's the happy?!

Gin We're stuck in this dark place now!

Shin We've been trapped!

Gin What did you do?!

Shin Hey! His sunglasses are actually pure darkness!

Shin His eyes are completely dark now!

Madao A new year has come, but the darkness hasn't left my eyes.

Shin His voice is ringing inside my head!

Madao Perfect timing, Shinpachi-kun, Kagura-chan.

Madao I have New Year's envelopes for you.

Madao You people keep taking from me.

Shin No, it's okay!

Shin We don't need anything!

Shin There's nothing to take from you!

Madao Cardboard wing.

Madao Vinyl wing.

Madao Rip off whichever one you want.

Shin I can't do that!

Shin They're worthless, but I can't do that!

Madao Want to see what happens if you rip off the cardboard wing?

Madao I can't wait.

Gin Hey, he did something funny to the cardboard wing!

Madao But the vinyl wing is also...

Gin What's going on?!

Gin Let's give him money and get out of here!

Gin Why are we even here?!

Gin I'm getting sick of this, so can we go home?

Sa No.

Sa You're not doing it right.

Sa Come over here.

Sa Hey, did you know?

Sa New Year's envelopes aren't only meant for kids.

Sa Welcome to the adult New Year's envelope.

Sa I'll be the envelope for your rod.

Sa My envelope is open for you.

Gin I'll stick this ball in your envelope then.

Gin Sorry about this.

Gin You were trying to help,

but I couldn't give an envelope to a single person.

Gin I guess it's harder when the money isn't my own.

Gin I'll give this back to you.

Gin And these, too.

Kagura Gin-chan, what are these?

Gin It wasn't easy.

Gin I spend my money so fast

For Shinpachi

Gin that I forgot where I hid my own money.

For Kagura

Gin It was in my shoe.

Kagura I see. That's why it stinks.

Shin Well, now that we have money...

Kagura Let's go party.

Gin Hey, you were complaining about how I spend money,

Gin and now you're doing the same?

Shin That's because you share your soul with us everyday.

Shin Money isn't meant to be held overnight.

Kagura Right on!

Gin What are you idiots talking about?

A massage from Gin-san (one time use).

A glasses-wiping by Gin-san (one time use).

Next Time

Shin Hey! Why are you two just lying around?!

Kagura What? I can't brush my teeth after I'm already under a kotatsu.

When Sleeping Under a Kotatsu, Make Sure You Don't Burn Your Balls

Gin Man, I'm too lazy to read the episode title.

Shin Hey!

The kotatsu is an enticing trap. Once you're inside, you're paralyzed.

We'll just be lying around next week. And don't say that we do that every week.