06x11 - The Jungle/The Old Country

[bunniefuu]

( Snoring )

( Gasps )

( Kids laughing )

Oh, stu! Wouldn't these
orchids look beautiful

Where the shed
used to be?

Sure, if we lived
in the amazon.

What that spot really needs

Is good old kentucky bluegrass,
acres and acres of it

Spreading from our back door
to... The fence.

I say we ought to grow

Something you can eat,
like corn, or soybeans.

You can make most anything
out of soybeans.

Heck, you can make
corn out of soybeans.

Wow, look at all the flowers
and trees and growing things.

Mmm!

I bet they gots lots
of tasty buggies in here.

Stop it, lillian!

You're making me hungry.

Hmm.

( Sniffing )

( Slurps )

Ah!

( Sniffing )

( Growls )

Jumping jehoshafat!

I've seen a lot of
nurseries in my time

But this place is
a regular jungle.

Reminds me
of the time

My safari group got lost
in the wilds of burundi

For 15 days.

Did you hear that, you guys?

It's a jungle!

I never been in a jungle before.

I went on a jungle gym once.

I wonder if this is
where they grow them.

Looks like a good place
for an adventure!

You can't go on
a adventure in the jungle!

They got snakes and...
And, uh, the hyenas and...

And we nearly got eaten
by a great white lion!

( Gasps )

Lion?

You were never
in the jungle, pop.

Course I was.

That's when I came down
with jungle fever.

Spots all over my face.

They had to get me
out of the jungle

And find me
some medicine, pronto!

Well, better go check
the vegetable section

Before you plant up
the backyard

With your flowers
and whatnot.

Oh, look, stu!

They're having a sale
on purple roses.

Can you watch the kids
for a minute?

Sure, deed.

There you go, buddy.

Perfect fit.

Now, they must have
a lawn care section.

Narrator:
a vast expanse of manicured
kentucky bluegrass.

Ooh!

A thing of beauty.

A source of pride.

And yes,
a measure of manhood.

And it can be yours.

Of course...

Hi!

( Giggling )

Well, you guys can go on
a adventure if you want.

I think I'll just stay here
with tommy's dad

And watch the grass movie.

( Sneeze )

Uh-oh, tommy.

I think your
brother exploded.

Dil?

( Dil babbling )

( Sneezes )

Oh, no, look at him!

He's got...

Jungle beaver!

Jungle beaver?

You know,
like my grandpa had.

Oh.

What is jungle beaver anyway?

Well, uh, first, uh,
I guess you get all hairy.

Um, then, um, your teeth grow
real big like a beaver's.

( Huffing )

And then, you start to eat wood.

Tommy, I'm hairy
and I gots big teeth!

I must be getting
jungle beaver, too!

No, chuckie,
that's how you always look.

Oh, yeah.

Look!

That must be
the hopsicle.

Let's drive this car
out of the jungle

And get my brother
some medicine!

( Groaning )

( Tires squealing )

This demonstrates

That the relationship
between nitrates
and lawn health

Cannot be
overemphasized.

That is so true.

( Sniffing )

Uh-oh.

Shoo, shoo.

Nice... Doggie.

Shoo, shoo, shoo!

( Gasps )

T-t-tommy!

( Roaring )

( All scream )

( Pots crashing )

Can you guys check on dil

And see how his
jungle beaver is doing?

Billa?

Billa?

He still don't gots no teeth.

He might have growed
a few hairs, though.

We just got to get
him that medicine!

Uh, I'm pretty sure the hopsicle
is right over there.

( All screaming )

Look!

( Gasps )

( Gulps )

Lil:
how are we going

To get across, tommy?

Maybe a giant bug
will pick us up

And fly us across!

And then we can eat him.

I don't think
I like that idea.

Don't worry, you guys.

There's gots to be a way!

Ah!

Look!

It's kind of small.

Only one more of
you guys will fit.

I'll go first.

No, you don't!

Me first.

Me first!

Me!

Me!

Me!

Guess we better decide
the way we usually do.

Oh, no!

You guys got to find

A different way
to do... Ow!

( Whimpering )

Mine's longest!

I get to go first!

( Straining )

It works!

Okay, the next person
got to bring dil.

You want to draw for it?

No!

( Groans )

Billa?

Come on, chuckster.

It's your turn!

( Yells )

Nuh-uh.

( In sing-song ):
you can't make me

'Cause you're
way over there.

( Screams )

( Roars )

The only good thing is it can't
get any worser than this.

( Yelling )

Ow!

You okay, chuckie?

( Sputtering and grunting )

No!

Well, pop

Sunflowers are
the perfect compromise.

They look lovely.

And then you eat them!

You know, they taste
better than soybeans, too.

Well, you round up stu
and the kids, and I'll go pay.

( Hiccups )

( Hiccups again )

Oh, no-- now dil's
got the hippups.

His jungle beaver
must be getting worse.

Oh, how are we going to
gets him to the hopsicle?

Look, tommy!

Some nice explorers

Must have lefted
this here.

( Gasps )

I wonder what
happened to them.

( Tires screeching )

Hmm.

( Motor whirring )

Mmm... "Urban root smoothies."

That sounds healthy.

( Chattering )

Why has that big lion
been chasing us anyway?

( Whistling )

Uh, I don't know.

I don't gots
nothing to hide.

Do I look like I got
something to hide?

Look, guys!

We did it!

We gots out of the jungle!

Oh, boy, that means
I can go home

Where nothing else bad
can happen.

This isn't good.

Help!!

Don't worry, chuckie.

We'll save you!

Hey, you're getting smaller!

How do you do that?

I am not getting smaller!

It's some kind of sand.

I'm sinking really quick!

Somebody get me
out of here!

( Tommy yelling like tarzan )

Wow, thanks, tommy!

You saved my life.

No problem, chuckie.

Okay, now we gots
to get dil his medicine.

And then can we
go home, please

Where there's
no sticky sand

And no jungle
beaver and no...

( Growling )

All:
lion!

( All yell )

Wow, did
you see that?

Phil saved us from the lion.

Yeah, good thing he had that
doggie treat in his diapee.

Philip.

You mean, that's
why we almost

Got eaten
by a lion?!

Huh?

'Cause you
tooked his bone?!

Was it the cheesy kind
or the chickeny kind?

Cheesy.

Oh, well, I'd have
done the same thing.

Hey, here comes a doctor
with dil's medicine!

All:
yay!

There you kids are.

Hello, sweetie.

Want a taste of mommy's
urban root smoothie?

( Slurping )

I'm telling you, deed

We could take out
all the carpets.

Kentucky bluegrass,
wall to wall.

( Sighs )

Well, we did it, guys.

We saved dil from
the jungle beaver!

I just hope he taked
enough medicine, tommy.

I sawed him spit some out
after your mom gave it to him.

( All yelling )

( Lion roars )

Stu:
don't make me go, deed.

Didi:
you're acting like going to mom
and dad's cabin for the weekend

Is some kind of t*rture!

Stu:
no electricity,
no indoor plumbing.

We should stay
in spike's doghouse.

Why do they rent that shack?

I think it reminds them
of when they were young--

Like in the old country.

Fine-- all aboard the oxcart

For a thrill-a-minute
trip to the old country.

Hey, I'm going to the
old country, chuckie.

That's the place
my grandparents talk about.

Ooh, what do they say it's like?

It must be really different
because they're always saying

That nothing here's
like how it is there.

Glad I'm not going.

I'm still getting used
to how things are here.

( Chuckling )

No tv, no stereo,
no power tools.

( Buzzing )

Hi, stu, how's
the packing going?

It'll be fine when
I figure out how to pack

The 20th century.

( Gasps )

Didi told me about the cabin.

Sounds very nice.

Nice?!

You're stripped down
to nothing out there, chas.

It's downright primitive.

Really? Primitive?

You know, stu, I've always felt

That deep down inside
this shy bureaucrat

There dwells a caveman
just waiting to come out.

Oh, gee,
if it were

Nothing but me out
there in the woods

Maybe I could find
that caveman

And become a more
forceful fellow

Back here
in civilization.

Why not come along?

For the stone age,
I could use a caveman.

Wow, stu, you think we could?

I'll ask didi, but be warned

That cabin is so flimsy

Nothing keeps out
the elements.

Elephants?!

Why was my daddy
talking about elephants?

He was talking

About your grandparents' house
in the old country.

( Gasps ):
you think elephants just walk
right into your house there?

Well, uh, if it's
nothing like it is here

Uh, then maybe there, elephants
live right on your street.

But, tommy, elephants are big
and scary and can squish stuff!

I don't think it's safe for any
baby to go to the old country.

Chas:
hey, chuckie!

Guess where we're going!

( Horn toots )

( Door creaks )

What? They're staying
two days or two years?

Hello, everybody!

( Mumbling
under breath )

Hello, mr. And
mrs. Krepotkin.

Hi, everybody.

Hi, boris, hi, minka.

( All saying hello )

Well, the old
country doesn't
look that different.

The sky
is still up there.

The ground
is still down here.

There's trees

And there's
some more trees

And some more trees

And some more
trees and...

Hey, I wonder what
happened to those trees.

I don't know, chuckie.

Something must have
knocked them down.

Knocked them down?

What could be
big enough to...?

( Gasps ):
elephants!

Oh, no! My grandma and grandpa
builded their house

Right in the middle
of a elephant street!

So the elephants can
come back and squish us!

Don't worry, chuckie.

We're not going to let
those elephants turn us

Into little
pancake babies.

Uh... Maybe we better
go inside just in case.

Hmm.

So what do you think?

Nice look, chas.

What's with the drum?

( Footsteps approaching )

Charles!

What on earth?!

Well, I bought
this book

Nerd to neanderthal
in five easy steps.

In chapter four it says
"a primitive drumbeat speeds up

The 'cavemanification'
of the mild-mannered man."

I hope so.

I'd like to find
my inner caveman

Before I catch a cold.

Well, I'm off
to the woods.

Stu:
okay.

( Boris and stu grunting
and panting )

Now, this is luxury.

Back in the old country

We didn't have wheelbarrows
to move the wood.

You had to chop down a tree
and hope it fell

In your
living room.

( Door creaks )

I don't hear no elephants.

Hey, you're right.

And if there was big, gigantic
elephants stomping around

We'd hear them.

( Drumming in distance )

( Gasps )

( Drumming continues )

( Grunting )

( Coughing )

( Hacking )

They're coming!

What will we do?

Well, in my pop-up book
about muffy the mouse

She scareded the elephant

Right before he stepped-ded
on mousetown.

So maybe if we found a mouse

The elephants will
get scareded and go away.

( Stammering ):
find a mouse?

With big teeth,
and scary big eyes?

Well, my mommy's bringing
me some crayons.

How about if
we just color a mouse

Somewheres
the elephant can see it?

Okay, but let's hurry!

You know, boris

We could do this in no time

With my megapower-4000
turbocharged wood-chipper.

Good-- next time
bring it.

I'll plug it
into a tree.

Can't forget
the whispers.

Well, we drawed muffy--
now what?

Okay, now let's draw
another muffy over there

In case the elephants
try to come in the window.

( Drumming
to woodpecker's tapping )

I am brave.

I am assertive.

( Gasps )

I can confidently climb
the corporate ladder!

I can wrestle
a tiger with my bare...

Whoa! Hey! Whoa!

( Hacking and choking )

( Sighs )

( Tommy grunts )

( Chuckie grunts )

Okay, it's time
to clean the cabin.

Uh, shouldn't we
be inside for that, mom?

No, darlink,
we're going to clean

The cabin.

( Sighs )

( Gasps )

Tommy:
oh, no! My grandma's
washing off our muffys!

Well, that's just great!

Unless elephants
is a-scared of soap

They're going to squish
the house for sure!

And I didn't even get
to take a nap or go potty

Or finish my peanut butter
and jelly samwich!

Chuckie!

You made up a great plan!

I did?

( Wolf howls )

( Wolves howling )

Ugga-ugga-- me, charles.

( Sneezes )

( Howling continues )

( Gasps )

( Gasps )

Elephants like
peanuts, right?

So alls
we got to do

Is put peanut butter
around the house

So the elephants will
walk around the house

Instead of squishing it!

Oh, no, tommy, I'm not
crawling around in the dark.

You'll never get me to...

( Owl hoots, chuckie quavers )

( Snoring )

( Yawns )

You know, deed, you were right.

Being out here

In the great outdoors
is wonderful.

The air is cleaner

The borscht
tastes better

Chopping wood

Falling asleep facedown
in my own drool.

I like doing things
the old-fashioned way.

Hmm.

We ought to make shadow puppets
by candlelight

Like they did in the olden days.

Stu:
cock-a-doodle-doo!

( Spitting )

Maybe next year we'll rent
a place with cable.

Tommy and chuckie
would like that.

Where are they?

( Gasps )

Stu and didi:
the kids!

All:
the kinderlach!

Stu:
kids!

We did it, chuckie!

Those elephants
isn't going to squish

Anybody in
this house.

Um, tommy, there isn't
anybody in this house.

( Calling for kids )

Tommy!

Chuckie!

Tommy!

Oh, no, the
elephants is here!

( Screaming and crying )

The kids!

Oh, there you are, sweetheart.

( Kissing )

Boy, I'm glad
to see you.

Hi, guys, what's
all the commotion?

Hi, little fellow.

( Chas sneezes )

So you found
your caveman?

Well, if I did, he has
worse allergies than I do.

And poison ivy and... And
he has a fungus right over here.

Look at this.

We did it, chuckie!

The elephants missed us!

( Chas sneezes )

Now that the
elephants went away

The old country's kind
of neat, huh, chuckie?

Uh, yup, it's
not scary at all.

Stu:
okay, kids

I saved the best for last.

( Elephant trumpets )

( Kids scream )

Chas:
ugga-ugga.

( Sneezes, glass shatters )