Witchcraft 16 - Hollywood Coven (2015)

[bunniefuu]

f*ck, why didn't we get

a motel room before, huh?

This is f*cking great.

Danielle was a lucky girl.

If I had you, I'd never

let you leave the bedroom.

What are you talking about?

You are Danielle.

Sorry stud, I'm Sharon.

You're a great f*ck, Nick.

But I don't like loose ends.

Cut!

Oh, my God, he's drenched.

And that, ladies and gentlemen,

is a wrap

on Crystal Force 15 Blood Angel.

Oh, my God, I'm never working

in ultra low budget again.

It's gonna take a Silkwood shower

to get all of this blood off of us.

Good job, Shelley.

Thanks.

Can you go get our celebratory

items from the craft services table?

Ooo, champagne.

Can you afford that on this budget?

I mean, seriously.

I'll do as many of these as you want.

I mean, I survived, so I get to be

in Crystal Force 16, right?

Well.

Dude, get up.

He said cut.

You said you needed

a ride to acting class.

And I have to go to my acting class.

So come on, get up, let's go.

What the f*ck!

The answer to your question, Shelley.

I don't think you're gonna

make it to the sequel.

Holy sh*t, is he dead!

Yes, Shelley, he's dead.

God, she's so intuitive.

Which is what makes you

such a great actress.

That was sarcasm by the way.

What is going on?

What do you have the cheese knife

from the craft services table?

Get off of me, you f*cking r*pist.

What is going on here?

Do you know why Crystal Force

is such a successful horror franchise?

One of the most successful in history?

Strong scripts?

Hardly.

Good direction?

I'm flattered, but no.

High value on such a low budget.

Now, you just f*cking with me.

No, Shelley, the reason Crystal Force

is such a successful franchise is

because we practice what we preach.

So at the end of every film, which is

my favorite cast party,

we cut out your f*cking heart.

And deliver it to the Master,

who is also our executive producer.

He casts a spell on it and bam!

Direct to video gold.

You can't k*ll me.

My agent got me this gig.

She knows where I am.

And if I don't answer her

texts about auditions,

she's gonna know this is

the last job I ever worked.

God, she talks a lot.

Your agent, my dear,

is part of the coven.

And you didn't quite book

enough gigs this year.

Please, I'll join your coven.

I'll do anything you want.

That's a wrap.

So, should we have a friendly wager

on whether or not I'm gonna have

to save your a*s from these witches

covens in the third film?

Actually, I'm kind of hoping

I get to be an evil witch this time.

So hopefully you'll be

saving someone else's a*s from me.

I think I saved your a*s from

a witches coven, twice,

Detective Gilmore,

aka worst detective ever.

I think I saved

both your assess in two movies.

So, simmer down Greg Andrews,

aka worst

warlock witch hunter ever.

I totally hope

I get k*lled again in this one.

Me too.

k*lled again dance

And doing the k*lled again dance

I'd actually like to

live through one for once.

It's okay.

Hey, where's Shelley?

You guys remember her?

Didn't she play Danielle in Blood Angel?

Yeah, isn't she in this one two?

We sort of bonded on Blood Angel

but then I never saw her again,

very strange.

I've literally kept up with three people

I've met on set, over the past 10 years.

We just go our own ways.

Yeah, I know.

But I ran into almost all you guys

at auditions this last year.

She just sort of vanished.

Won't even answer her texts.

Maybe she just went home.

Plenty of people just give up and bail.

Maybe, it's just weird.

I'll tell you what's weird.

Check out the IMDB listings for almost

any actor in any Crystal Force movie.

And see how many listings

they have after that.

Like, a lot?

Like zero.

It's the Crystal Force curse.

You do one Crystal Force movie

and you're done.

Greta, what are you talking about?

We've all done more than one

Crystal Force film.

We did two, back to back, last summer.

And we're about to do a table read for 16.

I'm just saying,

from Crystal Force to Crystal Force 13,

almost all those actors have disappeared.

You stick around long enough,

you hear stories.

Then why are you here?

I didn't know about the curse

until after I started sh**ting 14.

When they asked me to do this one,

I thought, "Keep your friends close

"and your enemies closer."

I wonder what happened

to all those other actors?

Yeah, what do you think happened?

Do you think they actually

got k*lled in those films?

That's insane.

You're insane.

I'm just saying.

Everyone, settle down.

Your director extraordinaire,

Jamal is here.

Come on in, Jamal.

Give him a round of applause.

Come on in, Jamal.

Hey, Jamal.

I took care of it.

Hey, everybody.

Hey!

Sorry about that.

Welcome back to Crystal Force.

All right, so... congrats.

Crystal Force 14 and 15

did so well on VLD

and auxiliary revenue streams,

that the executive producer

wants to reboot the series.

- All right!

- All right!

And he wants to use, all of you.

- Yeah.

- High five.

High five.

So, what we have, I believe,

did you send out

the sh**ting scrips, obviously?

Anyone missing any?

Could I?

All right, so, what you have there

is Crystal Force 16 Freshman Year.

How about we just give it a read

and then we can talk about all

the pertinent production details.

Sorry, guys.

I love, I love, I love how,

I have your undivided attention.

Damn it, I'm so sorry,

it's a call back for a regular series.

It's a gig.

I wouldn't even ask but the producers

want to see me right now.

And it's really important.

Okay, all right, sure.

Just keep an eye on your email

for the sh**ting schedule.

- Okay, thanks Jamal.

- Hmm.

You guys have a good read.

I'll see you on the set.

- Good luck.

- Bye.

Anybody else?

Phone calls, emails.

- All right, shut your phone off please.

- Yeah.

All right, okay,

let's turn to page one.

Let's start at the top.

I'll read all the stage directions.

Crystal Force, origins by yours truly.

Producer, director, now screenwriter?

Is there anything this man can't do?

Bring a movie in under budget.

You know what?

Just for that,

I'm gonna k*ll your character

off first in the re-write.

All right, all right, back to business.

"Fade in, interior, suburban home.

"Day, Greg Andrews is putting

"the finishing touches on k*lling a witch,

"in a huge house,

in Orange County, California."

You want naughty nurse?

I'll give you naughty nurse.

Doctor, superhero, waitress, nurse.

Nice try, Pazuza.

If you're the most powerful

witch in the coven,

you're gonna have a lot of trouble

keeping the door open, guaranteed.

"Burn their bones.

"Then scatter the ashes

from here to Orange County.

"The remains of the coven

must be separated

"to prevent

the resurrection of the Master.

"But now that even the Master is gone,

"his apocalypse are legion.

"With your newfound powers

comes responsibility.

"You must ever be vigilant, because

"now you're Oxnard's first line of defense

"against the dark arts.

"Best of luck."

"Greg Andrews turns and walks

"into the sunset,

leaving Brittney and Chelsea

"standing over the bodies of the coven.

- "As we fade to black."

- Yeah.

Okay, since Origins kind of folds

back on itself, um, you have the...

Yeah, the DVDs.

Thank you.

I thought it would be great

to reference some of the older

Crystal Force movies.

So you guys should maybe team together

and check them out.

Let me introduce you to, DVDs.

Guys and sel-a-mon.

Got it.

Ooo, Crystal Force 10

Headmistress of Magic, spooky.

I'm actually in that one.

Shut up.

And this one,

Crystal Force School The New Class.

Unfairly overlooked for

an Oscar nomination, if you ask me.

All right, keep an eye on your emails

for rehearsal schedule and call sheets.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

You're welcome.

Don't die.

Don't die.

- All right.

- You gonna need any specialty items

for the craft service, or anything?

Yeah, we'll take care of it later.

All right.

Think they're gonna watch

the movies or not?

A lot of times you give them things

they just say they're gonna watch them.

I'll know when they watch them or not.

They better watch them.

I gotta take care of something.

They don't know who you are,

you're extraordinaire Jamal.

Wow, looks like Henry gets a reprieval.

Despite the fact that we k*lled

his a*s in Crystal Force.

I can take it.

Do it!

Ahhhhhh!

Do it, Rose!

Ahhhhh!

Well, the fans demanded my return, so.

Yeah, well, you wanna come over

and watch them then?

Seeing as how we're gonna be

playing Henry and Linda again.

Flashback to Linda and Henry.

Yeah, whatever,

flashback to Henry and Linda.

So you wanna come over and watch?

Sure but, my soap opera on camera class

let's out at 7:00,

so how about eightish?

All right, that'll work.

I have a cold read for commercial class

that gets out at 6:30.

I can just swing by the store

and get something to eat.

- Awesome.

- All right.

Hey, come on in.

Thanks for having me over.

I brought this.

Hmm, fancy.

I happen to know that

this bottle of wine

costs about $10.

Well, only the best.

Speaking of fancy,

how can you afford this place?

Two things.

My grandma left it to me,

right after she passed.

And it was pretty much all paid off then.

Second, you remember that

Little Christy's commercial?

The one with the little girl

and the kitten?

It aired like,

a billion times a day in the 80s.

And then that same little girl

was on all the packaging?

- That was you?

- Yep.

I ended up putting it all

in a trust fund.

And paying it off when I turned 18.

I made f*cking bank off that sh*t.

Well, here's to child labor.

Child labor and... shitty $10 wine.

I have cheap tastes.

Hmmm, speaking of,

are you ready for the main event?

Crystal Force 315 million.

I have high hopes.

This is actually not half bad.

I wonder what happened

to these... actors?

Hmm, who knows?

You can make a pretty decent living

off of commercials and

random guest spots on TV

and still remain pretty invisible.

Where are they?

Where are we?

I don't see them anymore.

Come on, Rose.

Carter?

Carter.

- Honey.

- Don't resist me, you know you want it.

I can't, can't do this.

Stan, Kelly, anybody?

Oh, what's happening to me!

Greetings Will Spanner.

It's you, you're the demon Abadon.

I don't fear you, go away.

Master promises to spare, all the others

if you return your allegiance to him,

where it belongs.

You go back to hell and you tell him,

he will never have me voluntarily.

Oh, God, no!

How come the guys never get naked?

No, I don't know,

they have better agents.

You see that?

See what?

- Hey.

- Master Abadon.

Hey what?

It's pretty hot, don't you think?

Well, yeah, if you like watching

naked people have sex is incredibly hot.

That's the funny thing though.

I love watching naked people have sex.

Whoa, what are you doing?

Research.

For what?

For our sex scene in the film.

We don't have a sex scene in the film.

But we should, shouldn't we?

Okay, okay, wait, hold on.

I'm totally into this.

And I mean totally into what I think

is about to happen here, but I wanna

be sure for both of our sake that

you're not just drunk off

of this shitty wine.

Or secretly on drugs, or something

that make you out of your mind

to want to have sex with me.

You wanna do this, right?

What's the matter, baby?

You never pulled a we-and before?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

Sharon.

Jamal?

Jamal? What are you doing here?

Oh, oh, God.

Here.

Sharon, Sharon.

Sharon, look at me.

Sharon, do you remember what happened?

Yes, Samuel and I, we were,

we were watching the movie and then,

and then something

started happening to the screen.

And then Samuel couldn't see the screen.

And then something

started to take over me.

I don't know how to explain it.

And then I wanted to k*ll Samuel.

And then I was happy

that it was happening.

And then, Samuel's dead.

Is this terrible?

No, no, it's not.

Sharon, what I'm about to tell you

is gonna sound absolutely insane.

But it's 100% true.

The Crystal Force movie are hexed.

I know, because I helped hex them.

You, you what?

Sharon, I'm part of a very powerful

group of witches and warlocks.

We use the Crystal Force movies to

find others of our kind.

Those people who were born

with dark magic powers.

The hex helps bring those powers to light.

I'm a witch.

Yes, you are.

And that's a very good thing.

Our coven is growing.

Soon we'll be one of the most powerful

covens on the East coast.

And now, you're a part of that.

This is what we're gonna do.

I'm gonna take you back to

my place to get cleaned up.

And you'll get some rest.

And then some of the coven members

will come and clean your house.

Yes, even Samuel's body.

And then I can answer any questions

that you may have.

And we'll go from there.

Is that okay?

Or, I can just call the cops.

And you can go to jail for m*rder.

So, my place?

God, I love doughnuts.

Never touch them.

Wait, is that you saying that?

Or are you doing

some cop detective character work?

If you couldn't tell, I'm a genius.

Sure.

This is the Witch School

16 Freshman Year set, right?

Ah.

Yeah. Sort of,

in the broad sense of the word.

Great, I'm looking for Jamal,

the director.

Ah.

He's in there sh**ting a scene.

Oh, sh*t, that means I'm late.

You're in a scene?

Yeah, I'm playing Henry.

Patrick.

Garner.

Lutz.

Nice to meet you both.

The set's up there?

Thanks.

Holy sh*t.

That is one good looking man.

And I'm not even g*y.

Understatement of the century.

But isn't Samuel playing Henry again?

Maybe he's got

his character name mixed up.

He wasn't at the read through.

That's weird, I'll text Samuel

and see if he's got

a bigger gig or something.

Wait, you're not g*y?

No.

Huh, hmm.

Go ahead and say the first line.

Let me hear it.

"Uh-huh, I don't know what you mean.

"What power are you talking about?"

Okay, now, remember, she really

- wants him to help her, but not really.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- Hi, Jamal?

- Hi.

- Apologies for being late.

No problem, none at all,

we're just setting up a scene

with a few lights.

Rose, this is Patrick, he will be

taking over for Samuel

in the role of Henry.

Yes, you are.

I mean, hi.

- Hi.

- Hello.

Have you had a chance

to look over the scene?

- Okay.

- All right.

So, why don't we rehearse a little bit

while Brian continues to set up lights.

And we'll go from there.

So, as a reminder, this was the first

seduction scene between Iris and Henry.

Now, remember, Iris is the mother

of your character in Crystal Force 14

and 15, so, let that inform you and use

whatever choices you wanna

make in this scene.

- Of course.

- Okay.

Let's have you move over just slightly.

- There, a little bit, right there.

- Okay.

And let's have you go over here.

These are your first positions.

- Okay.

- Let's give it a try.

I can feel your power,

just standing here.

I don't know what you mean.

What power are you talking about?

The talent you possess inside you.

Locked away, forced down, by generations

of weak willed men and women.

Who were frightened of

their true potential.

I don't know what you're talking about.

There's nothing special about me.

I have no talents, I'm powerless.

You are not powerless.

Let me show you.

You scare me.

I should, let me in.

Allow me to free the power inside you.

I'm afraid.

Of course you are.

Will it hurt?

Yes.

Release me.

Open yourself to the power within you.

Free yourself.

Ahhhhhhh!

That coffee

cold enough for you yet?

Huh?

The coffee, that

you've been meticulously

preparing for the last 10 minutes.

Oh, no, it's fine.

Sorry, I'm a little spacey at the moment.

I need to get back in there.

For what?

Jamal wrapped us 15 minutes ago.

But I have a scene to sh**t.

Girl, you already shot your scene today.

What's going on here?

Are you using?

What?

No, oh, my God, no, no, I hate drugs.

I just, sorry, I'm just tired.

My day job's k*lling me.

We'll check the call sheet.

You may have a couple days off.

I think Jamal is hosting

a screening for one

of the films, tomorrow at some point,

you should come.

I will, thanks.

All right, well, I'm outie.

I'll walk out with you.

- It's officially weird.

- What?

Samuel and I aren't great friends,

but we hung out a couple of times

since the last sh**t.

He hasn't answered my texts

or my phone calls

since being replaced on the film.

Well, maybe he got a location gig

and he's on a plane right now.

Here's another weird thing.

Greta is being replaced in the film.

That's what Ivan told me.

Oh, she got the pilot,

well, good for her.

She only had a nine day sh**t,

with only three scenes.

How could they find

a replacement so fast?

I have no idea.

I guess she's right about the curse.

Garner!

Look, we've got two cast members

getting gigs and then disappearing

right before the sh**t date.

And Jamal happens to find

a replacement for Samuel?

Doesn't that seem kind of fishy to you?

Well, welcome to

low budget film production.

- So...

- So, we should investigate, seriously.

Please, I beg of you, stop doing

all this Uta Hagen,

background character work.

This is Crystal Force 16,

trust me, you're good.

This is legit,

this isn't character work.

Whatever, I'm going for a drink.

Are you coming?

No, I got stuff to do.

Okay, see you.

Hey, you did a great job today.

I see why you came

so highly recommended.

Yeah. It was easy,

she was ripe for it.

We've been cultivating

her since Crystal Force 14.

Really?

Yes, we've been here before.

And it hasn't worked out well.

There have been a lot of faith

placed on your assurances.

You can bring this to fruition for us.

I won't disappoint.

I can guarantee that.

What about Greta?

She took the other offer.

What about the role?

Do you have someone else to replace her?

I don't need to.

Look it was just a minor role.

I can do a rewrite.

Done, I think it's much tighter now.

I cleaned up some

extraneous action in act three.

Very clever, very clever.

The times for the coven's ascension

is almost upon us.

You have eight more days,

to call the most powerful,

from your production.

Then we're right on schedule.

Good, I must leave you now.

I mustn't be late.

Is there a coven meeting

I don't know about?

Actors showcase.

Thinking about changing

my representation.

All right then, till next time.

All right, where was I?

Sharon,

Sharon,

Sharon?

Jamal?

Are you ready?

Yes, I've been

studying my lines all night.

Are you ready to do

the Masters bidding?

Oh, that, yes, I'm ready.

Tomorrow, you will choose

the strongest.

Tomorrow, you will choose

the next member of the coven.

This is gonna be good.

Tomorrow I will choose the strongest.

Okay, what the f*ck!

Did you get my messages?

Yes, I got your 500 messages.

Why do you think I'm here?

And today was my day off.

And, spoiler alert, I wasn't planning

on spending them with you.

What took you so long?

The line was out the door.

Can we just get to the part where

you tell me why we're meeting

in a random parking lot?

Because I've got

something very important

to talk to you about,

isn't quite enough.

Do you remember what Greta said about

all the Crystal Force curses?

I'm leaving.

I know how it sounds,

but look at this, look at this.

Okay, this is a list of all the actors

who appeared in

all the Crystal Force films.

Why are most of the names

crossed off?

Most of the names are crossed off

because 90% of

all the actors quit the business.

Okay, so?

So, don't you think that's weird?

Not really, actors quit all the time.

Granted, but you know what?

I did my research and

this is what I found.

I'm on the edge of my seat.

None of the actors who quit

the Crystal Force films,

have a Facebook page.

None of them except Samuel.

And he hasn't touched his since

the day before he disappeared.

Okay, I'm gonna ask you this

and I need you to

ell me the truth, okay?

Absolutely.

Are you on drugs?

No, I'm not on drugs.

I promise, I'm not on drugs.

This is real.

Well, I don't know what to tell you.

This is Jamal.

We worked with him before.

What are you gonna do,

quit the movie?

I don't know.

Don't quit the movie,

don't be dumb.

Go home and get some rest

and we can talk about this later.

Hey, guys, Crystal Force sequel screening

tonight at Sharon's, who's in?

Don't go.

Garner.

Don't go.

What am I going to tell him?

I don't know?

Tell him that two actors want to

do their scene together.

What director wouldn't want

their actors to rehearse?

Oh, my God, fine.

Can't make it, Garner and

I working on scenes, send.

Thank you.

You owe me.

You're taking me out tonight,

your treat.

So, go home, get some rest,

and come get me at 7:00.

f*cking actors!

I don't know,

this role feels different.

Different, how?

Like it's part of me.

Like it was written for me.

I know that sounds

completely pretentious.

No, it makes perfect sense.

We're a part of

something bigger now.

Exactly, we're a part of something

that's more than just us.

And doesn't it, it feels amazing.

Yes, like...

Like we're taking charge.

Like we're not just waiting around

for someone to tell us

what to do anymore.

Like this city is our b*tch.

Yes, I'm crazy, right?

Negative, absolutely sane.

Okay, I didn't want to tell you,

but I have it on good authority

that Crystal Force is going to be

huge for the both of us.

What do you mean?

Did Jamal say something?

Are we talking theatrical distribution?

Sundance?

No, I mean, I'm talking about something

absolutely life changing.

Tell me.

Uh uh uh, you're gonna have to wait.

But just for a little bit longer.

Oh, I can't wait.

Damn, why am I so wired?

I feel like I could run

a marathon right now.

Hey, you.

Hey.

Come on.

Look who it is,

Will Tanner, aka Spanner.

Hey, Will.

Hey, ladies, nice to see you again.

You ready to watch

the next Crystal Force movie?

- Absolutely.

- Oh...

Jamal sends his regrets.

He's caught up in production again.

It looks like we're gonna have

to watch the movie without him, or not.

Yeah, you guys are fun, I think.

Eww.

Or different idea, we can watch

a separate Crystal Force.

I was just kidding, obviously.

I mean, unless you're into it.

I wouldn't be joking at all, then.

And scene, okay, guys, movie time.

I've already seen this one.

So, I can go grab

some snacks or drinks.

Beer?

Check.

Wine, red.

Check and chuck.

I'll be back in a flash.

Thank God, she's gone, am I right?

Hey, no punching.

Watch the movie, dumb a*s.

Oh, my God, Garner,

- I can't, even, with you right now.

- Shhh.

Keep it down.

Why?

He's not here.

He's at Sharon's watching a DVD.

Which is where we should be,

instead of

at the production office.

Would you keep it down?

The people on the street

are gonna hear us.

And we're gonna get arrested

for breaking and entering.

I need to go through this stuff

so, I can prove the Crystal Force curse.

Uh, first of all, we're not

breaking and entering anything.

I have the key.

I'm the associate producer.

- And secondly, there is no Crystal Force curse.

- Shhh. Aha!

Oh, my God, you found it.

Garner, you found a prop.

Really, then how do you explain this?

Each name at the top of the page

is the name of an actor

that has disappeared

from the Crystal Force films.

You're the one.

You bet I am.

- God, Kaley. Oh, yes, yes.

- Oh...

Awkward.

Ah, yeah.

And they're done in red ink.

Which you think is?

Blood.

That's what I thought.

This book is full of drawings

made of actors that have disappeared

from the Crystal Force films.

And what makes

you think that this is blood?

That's what witches do.

Jesus Christ, Garner!

Do you know that the prop department

is gonna come in their pants,

when they realize that you thought

this thing was real?

It's just a fun little thing,

that they write

the names of the actors

from the past films in,

that we know about,

but nobody else knows about,

so we can talk about it on

the DVD commentary track.

Really, then how do you explain this?

Whoa.

You see that?

What the f*ck is that?

The Master will only let

the strongest serve the coven.

All others will be slaughtered by Adul.

Fight, fight for your right

to serve the coven.

Fight for your right

to serve the Master.

What's happened to me?

The first Crystal Force movies,

they were just an audition.

And now, you're at

the call back for your life.

I feel so strong.

Yes.

I feel like I could do anything.

Yes!

I feel like

the f*cking executive producer.

Yes!

Sorry, Spanner, you're a nice guy,

but the coven doesn't need

a character actor.

Go Rose!

You b*tch!

Go Spanner!

Did you get a video of that, Sharon?

Best fail video ever.

You need better tag lights,

sweetheart.

Wonderful job, Spanner.

Master will be impressed.

Now, finish her off.

And then we'll go get some cold,

pressed juice.

You know I never leave

my work unfinished.

Hollywood could use

one less mediocre actress.

And actor with hair plugs.

You've done good work, ladies.

The Master will be pleased.

Thank you, Jamal.

You're a credit to the coven.

Thank you.

Keep an eye out

for your email, for the upcoming

sh**t schedule and call sheets.

- Copy that.

- Copy that.

I still don't understand

why you haven't quit the movie,

if you're so convinced Jamal

is some warlock mastermind.

Because if he's some warlock mastermind

I wanna be able to see him.

If he's gonna use some ceremonial

knife and use my blood as his ink,

I want him to do it in my face.

And if he's not,

you still want the credit.

I'm a professional,

I made a commitment.

Hello, actor people.

Hey, there, looking forward to

our big scene today.

I know, right?

I love getting k*lled in horror movies.

Except you don't get to

come back for the sequel.

Not true, I was decapitated

in Heads will Roll,

and they brought

me back as a living

head in a jar,

for Heads will Roll Two, Giving Head.

Nice.

How about you, Garner?

You ready to act the sh*t out of

some shady witch business today?

It's sure a shame

Greta has to miss it though.

Garner!

Greta?

Yes, she was originally in this scene.

Was she?

I don't remember that.

I thought they weren't

bringing her back for the sequel?

You don't remember her

at the table read?

There were like, 12 people there.

I would have remembered.

Are you f*cking with me?

No, just be careful in there.

Of course, wait, what?

What's up with you?

I'm just saying that there might

be a certain force in the studio.

And I just want you to watch your back.

Is this some character thing

he's doing?

I can't even.

Hello, stars.

- Hey, Jamal.

- Hey, Jamal.

I think we're ready

to rehearse this scene.

Come on back.

All right, welcome to set.

Come on in.

Wow, this looks familiar.

Yes, we saved the set

from Crystal Force 14.

A total Roger Korman move.

Oh, thrifty, nice.

All right, so let's have you

- step up over here, hop up.

- Up.

Are you comfy?

- Yep.

- All right.

Okay, now on the day that we film

we're gonna strap you

in this puppy.

But we know you're used to that.

Garner, you get the big toy.

Isn't this the cheese knife

from craft services?

Yes, but it's the evil cheese knife

from craft services.

Okay, so we're gonna rehearse this

from the top of the scene.

Uh, Lutz, you don't come in

until page two.

So, sit this one out for a little bit.

You got it, boss.

All right, awesome.

I'm gonna start from

the top of the third act.

Now, I know you guys

know where that is

because you are professionals.

And you studied your scripts,

like good little actors.

Yes, Jamal.

So, Detective Donahue,

you have been possessed by

the evil Master,

who is also the leader of the coven.

Now, he is about to

sacrifice this young lady.

Who has been kidnapped by

the coven.

But not before Detective Donahue

comes in

and snaps him out.

Right, keep the energy up.

And let's rehearse this one out.

Detective, stop, it's me.

If you're still in there,

if the real Detective Gilmore

can still hear me, don't do this.

Fight it, detective, fight it.

How dare you talk to me

in that manner.

I am no mortal,

I am no man of flesh,

and blood, and mercy.

And your please are useless.

Wait, what's going on?

What happened to the lights?

Jamal?

There is no Jamal, only the Master.

Garner, what are you doing?

Oh, my God,

what happened to your eyes?

I finally see a groveling wh*re,

I finally see.

Jamal, this isn't funny.

I don't need you scaring

the sh*t out of me.

I'm not a method actress.

Your pathetic cries

nurture my dark soul, wh*re.

Your tears quench my thirst.

And your blood will nurture our coven.

Garner, stop, seriously stop.

I don't know what

Jamal put you up to,

but this isn't funny.

No!

Hey, time to go, nice work today.

Wait, Lutz, what's going on?

What do you mean?

Well, I don't remember.

Spit it out, Stanley Stutter.

I have a class to get to.

Where's Tara?

Home, I assume,

she left a couple hours ago.

Come on, move it.

Jamal asked me to lock up.

Actually I got to pull

some stuff together,

I wrap some of my wardrobe.

I just lock it, right?

Or will it lock up behind me

when I leave?

Sure, just make sure

and check it

before you walk away.

Jamal will sh*t a brick,

if he finds out

it was unlocked overnight.

Got it.

Later.

Hey, Patrick, what's up?

I was just about to

ask you the same thing.

Didn't you guys wrap an hour ago?

Oh, yeah, man, long day.

Just wanted to come in here

and chill out for a little bit.

And then I realized that

I forgot tomorrow's call sheet.

So, I came in here to grab one.

Doesn't Jamal email them

during lunch each day?

Yeah, man, it's like,

you know, it sucks,

those spam filters.

You know man, they just like,

so, I just, what brings you in here?

Well, I'm an associate producer.

You're the associate producer too?

I have certain skills

that are useful

for productions like this.

Jamal just lucked out

when he cast me, I guess.

- Oh, that makes sense.

- Yeah.

Well, you know, I just came in

to jump on some stuff for tomorrow,

while it's quiet in here.

Mmm, okay, uh, you know man,

it's been a long day.

So, I'm gonna hit the road.

You know, I'll see you later man.

Have a good one.

Have a good one.

Hey, Garner, what now?

Did you catch Jamal k*lling a goat

in a pentagram,

while drinking a virgin's blood?

Hey, Lutz, you know that Patrick guy?

Samuel replacement?

Only that he's f*cking gorgeous.

Yeah, he's the associate producer

of Crystal Force 16 Freshman Year.

Are you f*cking kidding me?

Oh, my God, I'm gonna k*ll Jamal.

My agent got me that credit

because he's still paying me sh*t,

after all these films.

And then, I made him give me a key

because an AP should have a key, right?

I mean, yes, I might wanna have sex

on that set sometime, but still.

Lutz.

What did this guy do

to get an AP credit?

He said he had quote,

"Certain skills."

Holy sh*t, he's blowing Jamal.

I had no idea that guy was g*y.

But that's not the big news.

That's pretty big news.

I took the leather book

from the office.

What?

I took the leather book from the office

and there's a new drawing in there.

And you know who's name is

at the top of the page?

Tara's.

Why did you take that book?

Garner, you need to take

that book back, seriously.

You need to take the book

back to the set.

So, you believe me now.

Give me that!

What the hell did you think

you were doing?

Alex, that's evidence.

We need to take it to the police.

And do what?

Tell them that the cast of a long,

running, direct to video horror franchise

is being m*rder*d, one by one,

by the executive producer?

Something like that.

Because that works so well

in the Crystal Force films.

Why are you so worked up over

this book?

Yesterday, you were treating it

as a prop.

It is a prop,

a very important prop.

I knew that.

You didn't know it.

This is a prop, but it isn't a book.

What?

This is a demon.

A demon, as in?

Yes, and this building

is a gateway to Hades.

You mean this yoga studio

is a gateway to hell.

Okay, when you say it

like that it sounds dumb,

but it's true.

Back up.

If you'd really done your research,

you would have realized that

this piece of land

was used as a location

in every single Crystal Force film.

And before that,

it was the location

of a gruesome,

ritual m*rder by students

of the black arts.

And this book, as you call it,

was born in this building.

The cover is the flesh

of a day player

on the first Crystal Force film.

The blood of all the actors

adorns all its pages.

Their souls are embedded in the earth

beneath this building.

And in the walls,

and between the covers of this book.

We have to return it.

How do you know all this?

Because I'm the f*cking Master,

that's why.

You're the Master?

Didn't you wonder why

I was in so many of these movies?

You're the Master?

Why are you asking me like that?

Because I'm a woman?

No, because you're

the associate producer.

Oh, oh, no, that's just a fake title

to keep people off my trail.

I know, you k*lled Samuel,

you k*lled Greta,

and you k*lled Tara.

And Spanner.

Holy sh*t.

Well, not hands on.

My minion, Jamal,

here did most of the dirty work.

And Sharon and Rose helped.

And of course, Ivan, and Brian.

But why?

The dark arts have

a firm grip on Hollywood, my friend.

There are thousands

of magic practitioners

all through Los Angeles

and, ugh, the Valley.

The Valley witches are the worst.

Agreed, our coven is

one of the strongest.

But still too weak to

really control the region.

So, tonight, courtesy of this book,

and your soul,

we are going to

awaken the dark powers of

every unsuspecting witch within 10 miles.

To what end?

We're going to build a witch army.

And then we're going to

take over this town.

And we're gonna rule it

in true Hollywood style,

from the studios.

You're insane.

Um, I prefer creative genius.

Jamal, bind his feet to the floor.

Alex, don't, we're friends.

Are we?

I would say we're more friendly.

Enough, Jamal, take your place.

And we begin.

Can you feel that?

It worked, it worked.

What the hell?

Who did that?

Who did that?

Who k*lled my minion?

Hello, Lutz.

Are you kidding me?

I knew you were the Master.

I totally called that one.

Oh, my God, liar!

You so thought it was Ivan, that DP.

Yes, I'm the Master,

and who are you?

I am the Master.

Impossible.

Just like an actress.

All covens have Masters.

I am the Orange County Master.

We control everything outside

of Los Angeles County.

And I'm here to add

Hollywood to that list.

And what are you two dumb asses doing?

I turned you.

What, are you gonna tell me

that you're his now?

Don't call me a dumb a*s.

I'm a witch now too.

I have powers.

Sharon?

I belong to no one.

I'm with Patrick, because,

well, he's the strongest.

We'll see about that.

You may be the Orange County Master

but we do things differently,

here in the big city.

There's an order to things.

Good effort,

Orange County Master.

It's nice to see

we have such talent

for the supporting roles.

It's three against to one, Lutz.

You're right, you did make me.

But that means I'm just as powerful.

God damn it.

And there's one other thing,

I'm younger.

What are you doing?

How did you learn that?

Aw, Patrick taught me.

She's a quick study.

I see big things for her.

Uh-huh, thank you.

Now, let's finish this.

No, don't, you don't know

what you're doing.

Patrick, you can stop this.

And that's a wrap, on the Master.

Hmm. What do we do now?

Take over Hollywood.

Oh, my God,

this is so exciting.

Yeah, but what are we gonna do

about all the witches and warlocks

that were affected by Lutz's spell?

They'll find their way to us,

don't worry.

Patrick what's going on?

I don't know.

Lutz, oh, my God,

thank God, you're okay.

Okay, I know the box was overkill.

I was just trying to impress Patrick, huh.

So, here we are, alone at last.

Apparently, we seem to

have lost all of our minions.

I can always send out

another casting call.

One great thing about Hollywood,

minions are an endlessly

renewable resource.

Spoken like a true producer.

Now, back to work.

Enough, we're obviously equal in power.

There's no reason we should fight.

What we should be doing

is working together.

The Los Angeles coven and

the Orange County coven?

When was the last time anybody from LA

had anything good to say

about the Orange County?

As they say,

"Keep your friends close."

We have a whole city full of witches

and warlocks to bring into the fold.

Our dark arts army will be too big

for only one Master.

Keep talking.

Besides, I'll need help recasting

and re-crewing

Crystal Force 16 Freshman Year.

What's my credit?

Above the title cast,

producer credit, no points.

What?

Prove yourself on this one

and we'll offer you points

on the next one.

If I survive the next one.

Unfortunately, story may dictate

that you do not make the sequel.

I guess I'll take my chances.

At least something for my reel.

Deal.

By the way, you do realize,

k*lling Jamal has set us

back even further?

Now we have to find a warlock

that knows how to direct.

Hmmm, how about demons.

Sadly, they tend to k*ll the extras.

Let's go have a drink.