01x02 - Still Reading

[bunniefuu]

I suggest you to wipe those smirks off

your faces coming in at two in the

morning isn't funny drinkin is not funny

and waking up the neighbours by lighting

firecrackers on their front lawn

certainly is not funny it's where your

father and I want to apologize for

everything that happened last night your

mom's birthday only comes once a year

now if you'll excuse us we have to go

put the neighbor's mailbox back up

[Applause]

[Music]

the breadwinners home let the adoring

begin you get the milk ponies no I say

we keep our kids small and weak bill

think this one through they don't grow

they don't leave I'll go later no more

you got a dad I'll just put beer on my

cereal just make sure you use that diet

hear your mom drinks whoa baby pizzas

too young to defend themselves hey hands

off so you could touch those it's like

our first date all over again they're

for my book club what book club my new

book club we're meeting here tonight I

told you about it a thousand times you

never told me about a book flow Phil

remember my book club meets tonight also

buy milk you want me to read something

you gotta put it where I'll see it

property of Lauren see I read food

that's fine look the way it works is I

made you so I get to eat your food

that's called the food chain hey if it

isn't my exercise for the day up and

down and money can resist me latina mami

fizzy but if you cover it baloney it but

daddy will read it to you know that is

gift see just all right Lauren you Rita

tours he's first he meets me help out in

the kitchen and Mella have to redo Tina

you guys gonna do when I move out oh

we're putting a pool table in your

bedroom hey I thought we agreed on air

hockey

hello I'm having my book club maybe I'll

order a pizza go upstairs what's behind

the music Oh what's the difference

someone's gonna get fat someone's gonna

go broke someone's gonna find God and I

love that show we are welcome to come to

my book club Linda's gonna be there she

has a huge crush on the guy who's

leading it oh that sounds like fun books

your sister throwing a gas leak and I'm

there if you're there there will be a

gas leak why you having this thing

anyway because I work and I take care of

the kids and I want to do something for

myself for a change couldn't we join a

sandwich making club me we could call it

club sandwich I could use a little adult

conversation lunch box of the garage and

get folding chairs this isn't even my

thing what do I get out of it what do

you want sex no widescreen TV you said

sex first all right sex fine three times

great in a row all right but I get to

pick the other two guy okay but I get to

go first although I heard Papa's voice

calling my name without stretched arms I

kick slightly the dank Brown hey

drowning me completely who I don't think

the author's just talking about hiding

out in some halo easy Linda no no he is

not with a buzzword like drowning we

know he's saying that Tom must feel like

emotionally he's choking to death oh

that is an excellent point I just want

to add how lucky are we to have karen

lead our book amok Oh need to applaud I

just went to the store for beer milk ah

crap sorry didn't mean interrupt Judy

would you like to comment on the passage

we were talking about me I don't know

well it seems kind of religious the way

the author talked about the outstretched

arms kind of like a crucifixion or

something that's very insightful Judy

really he thinks so were you a

literature major oh no I went to work

right out of high school I went to

college oh okay did you want to add

something Linda no I just wanted to say

I went to college

so Judy do you have any other thoughts

well I really like the way he right

sometimes you forget how words can be so

delicate so beautiful from ladies

dumbass the beautiful language that

contrasted sharply with the horrible

conditions they were forced to live in

it melted my heart a little bit yes yeah

could you keep it down sweetie talking

to me babe fight you were watching

behind me it was Amy Grant turns out

there was nothing behind the music

football can we keep it down sure sorry

I'm sorry where were we well I was just

gonna say that your observation was very

astute wow thanks so nice to have

someone complement my opinions have this

time to talk about stuff that's

intellectual cues my god I got it don't

get up is for me sorry about that how's

the reading going actually we're just

talking about the point in the book

don't ruin it for me I'm just kidding

I've never reading that thing

hey Mike hey come on buddy s is judys

book club oh well cool hey Michael

you're looking hot you're looking sweaty

hey remember back in high school and you

said you wouldn't date me in a million

years it's getting closer yes I some

people just aren't the book club type of

you work out I'm sorry for the

interruption so we're working Oh Mike

you jackass you drop a feature on the

floor what are we gonna do now hey you

guys want to trade a big pizza for some

little ones

[Music]

are you sure we're in there a long time

uh-huh have a nice bath uh hmm you're

just gonna leave that there cuz when i

do that you will smells like pizza in

here did you eat pizza on the bed oh

yeah but I put something down did you

put my pillow down no all right your

problem solved now you had your book

club now i believe you owe me sex are

you out of your mind you completely

ruined book club what you were loud you

were obnoxious you interrupted everybody

had a terrible time you sure there isn't

because it was a book club no it's

really easy to make fun of something

that you don't understand I'm trying to

better myself just my brain for a change

ah come on you use that thing all the

time no i don't i take care of kids all

the time I'm use my brains high school

I've smart back then they used to love

to read we used to read together that's

cuz you were naked I wasn't naked you

were in here baby all right you know

what bill just because book club isn't

your thing please don't ruin it for me I

get it this is important to you next

time I'll just go over to Mike's thank

you

good night night I feel stop sniffing

the pillow

[Music]

[Music]

you really really didn't have the host

book club again oh no I'm glad to do

what I like to happen in here yeah it's

nice Bill's not gonna be here Oh

wonderful hey Karen hey I have I was

thinking maybe you would like to have

coffee oh god I'd love that really yeah

little cream no sugar oh go get that

then okay if everybody could grab a seat

we can get started I hope everybody

enjoyed tears or killarney who'd like to

start well I guess I'll go I thought

this book was peas peas oh goody built

here I'm not not here nobody look at me

yeah what are you doing well I'm just

finding my keys and I'm out of here

anybody see him anybody sitting on him

there on a ring about five keys any

class like Lil Jon schools in Chicago

Bears guy why don't you try to pant you

had on yesterday oh good idea hang on no

not there Judy what were you gonna say I

don't remember well then let me just

kick things off by asking was anybody

else blown away when we learned the

identity of the wagon driver yeah I

totally didn't see you coming there was

nothing in the book that even hinted at

it honey who else could it really be

everything they set up in the book

clearly pointed towards the schoolmaster

she give the problem I said it was so

obvious it was Kate who k*lled her

brother he could see it coming a mile

away keys keys book yeah I was in the

bathroom there was nothing else to read

I had pizza for dinner and sometimes

cheese can well you don't even know why

was it so obvious to you the cake did it

well that lawyer guy had a bum leg and

whoever did it made a quick getaway but

what do I know you know what that's true

bill plus the magistrate really didn't

have motive to want to k*ll him well he

kind of did but I can see how someone

might not get that right off because it

was kind of complicated really well I

didn't find it complicated at all even

though the magistrate had an affair with

roads Edward didn't really care about

that ah I also thought that Edwards

marriage to Rose had nothing to do with

love is all about money and kind of what

even if Edward didn't give a crap about

rose I mean come on she's still his wife

he's got to do something she's running

around behind his back the whole story's

been building to it this is clearly a

story of revenge bottom line you swap

out Edward for Schwarzenegger this

book's basically a ripoff of the movie

commando yeah the author ripped off

commando back in 1888 whatever all I'm

saying is Edward had motive cuz when it

comes down to it a guy's a guy sometimes

a guy's gotta kick a little ass i'm

terry bumpin ok we take a break from

book club and look for bills Keith a

great idea honey so anyone else think

the stableboy might have been riding

sidesaddle

[Laughter]

hey Brian that is the TV busters oh I'm

reading the books is it a book about the

TV oh I'm reading an actual book is that

so weird there are tiny little Playboy

in there you don't leave I'm gonna go up

to your room and touch stuff so Faustina

wouldn't let me go until all the guests

left her tea party and that ice skater

Barbie cannot take a hint what are you

doing just reading a book jeez you're

all acting like at that time I ate a

salad the book we're reading for book

club yeah I bought it today you know

that place at the mall it sells coffee

and rolls you turn around they sell

books in there too so you're coming back

to book club that Terrence guy asked me

to come back really well you know bill

you don't need to feel obligated no it

was fun okay all right you proved your

point you can read a book no I'd you

call Mike you guys could watch a game

scratch yourselves burp no no I really

liked it they were all looking at me

like I was a genius like Tina's friends

when i turned my eyelids inside out hey

I got an idea why don't we stop using

our brains for a while and start using

our bodies sex so soon after lunch then

we have to wait an hour so we don't

cramp up

I thought the TV was off i would turn

you on Wow let me just finish this page

I need you now hey bro thanks a lot

Brian he's not reading that was amazing

one minute short of tech no record why

is it that more clothes makes it more

dirty buddy you see and how far you are

in your book Oh 16 and on 20 you know

bill that book club it didn't go as well

as you think I mean well a couple people

called and they were kind of upset about

how you barged in and took over really

they work yeah but there's snooty you

don't want to hang with him I thought

they liked me well to your face but

behind your back there was a lot of this

you were doing the blah blah blah I'm

sorry honey wow that is unbelievable I

know because there was nobody behind my

back you're just making up these lies to

keep me from going back to book club I

know what's going on your book friends

like me better than you oh yeah that's

right i'm better at book club in you and

you're jealous not about who's better

and you are so not better a book club

than me you compared a classic piece of

literature to the movie commando i

believe also a classic I'm just trying

to keep you from embarrassing yourself

you're just trying to keep me out I'm

not trying to keep you out sure you're

not I need you now you never need me now

you know what I was doing all along and

you still had sex with me uh duh roving

once again that I am smarter than you

think now if you'll excuse me I have a

book to read better than you fine do

whatever you want i will thanks for the

afternoon sex your information I enjoyed

it I enjoyed it more you were great you

were better is a lie and you know it

yeah I don't think parents even knows

that I'm interested maybe I should maybe

I shouldn't be bold and ask him out but

and I'm gonna blow this cuz i really

like the sky got you forward look it's

still over there all stupid and talking

gather i hope everybody enjoyed reading

water in the shadows who would like to

start i'm so me too hey hey i

didn't know we were allowed to write

stuff down that's cheating well it's not

really a competition no but if it was

she'd be cheating right I believe I'll

be listening fun stop moving your mask

no problem you're still talking I'm done

watch just go first now you'll go first

I'm not confident neither am I please

say something about the book if you

don't ever really Jonny ever really okay

it's really important that we each go

one at a time well we can add book club

to the list of things we've been kicked

out of for fighting little less

embarrassing the church little more

embarrassing than taco bell not funny

bill this is important to me well I

became clear when he took my book

outside and threw it in the street

what's going on it's just that I'm

supposed to be smarter than you are

there are you happy well not really no I

may be a complete idiot what the hell is

that supposed to mean you got your thing

bill you know you're the wild one life

for the party the guy who makes funny

faces with his belly hope it's supposed

to be my thing I worked real hard at it

I made notes i underlined and bam one

trip to the toilet near brilliant that

was I don't know I was gonna be good at

this reading thing I didn't ask for this

gift look honey I never meant to horn in

on your thing I was just trying to show

an interest and something you like and

if I got crazy I'm sorry sorry just

forget about it so we're good yeah

girlfriend someone need a kiss from

belly man why doesn't Billy man help me

put stuff away Judy le man has no arms

hey where's the money only for that book

report what uh Brian we don't pay you

for book reports you right at school and

I wanted you Brian did you read

tonight's book club book for your father

Brian you do not have to answer Brian I

cook your food and I know all your

allergy maybe the right okay I read the

first book it was good it had modern

disease but that second book just sucked

does it really take a whole chapter to

describe a sunset you pay trying to do

what you couldn't do which proves I am

smarter than you know I paid Brian to do

what I couldn't stand it in which means

I'm smarter Brian who's smarter

Julie what are we doing let's just face

the fact that i am the smarter one what

I'm smarter because I married a

beautiful sexy woman who also happens to

be brilliant oh you think I'm dumb

enough to fall for that line crap come

here thanks a lot Freud they're not

fighting sorry I acted the way I did I

never meant to treat you this way I've

been a little distant I apologize I

swear to god it will never happen again

are you talking that's just the TV

[Music]

I wouldn't have it any other way cuz it

makes me

[Applause]