have you guys seen Jimmy Hatcher he's
gotten way cuter this year I know it's
like his body finally caught up with his
head he used to think I was hot last
year but that was way before he got hot
do you still think he'll think I'm ha
now that he's hot Oh trust me girls hot
comes and goes but if you find one who
knows how to use a napkin chain him down
um can't you do the laundry tomorrow
yeah an in the morning who's gonna be
screaming for clean Underpants you got
Hey Judy punkin Jeff please don't call
me that up front of my friends okay how
can I stop calling you pumpkin when
you're so boom canoe what are you doing
the battery in the remote stead so
you're taking the one on the smoke alarm
and your daughter's room just
temporarily I'll put it back after the
Super Bowl oh oh hey Brad Pitt your
six-pack sh*t Oh back in the fridge boy
anybody few months oh hello ladies on
Ryan Laurens older brother they call me
edo can I please have some privacy okay
let's leave Lauren and a friends alone
look I saw more in from right now I
don't know how Frank your sister I'm not
touching Lauren's bra get help delfina
be jarred let's go hey B talk
[Applause]
[Music]
why do we have to watch this because
it's important that you learn about
history world w*r 2 is a very big event
it's because a brave man like this that
we live in a free world what's that
that's Hogan he's trying to smuggle in a
cake from the bows birthday I don't see
why I can't take across the I want to
take because you're taking basic math in
high school when you should be taking
algebra I don't see why you insist on
ruining my life sweetie it's not like
I'm out to get you i'm also ruining
brian and Tina's life I'm sorry honey in
your life to all you take are the
easiest classes you'll never get into a
good college maybe I don't want to go to
college hey let that be the college's
decision like it was for your mom and me
could you please just do what I say your
father and I know what's best for your
right bill right I can always agree with
mom because if it wasn't for her all
this would be a field and you would be a
rock so you're taking the algebra or
you're grounded now go upstairs and do
your homework whatever don't whatever me
young lady I invented whatever that's
mine too I really think we should
consider a Swiss boarding school bill I
told you you're not going to a Swiss
boarding whatever
hey guys so I brought a big fat why Judy
invited me over for dinner why my ovens
broke you sure it's really broken she
got to stick your head way in so what's
going on well Phil and I just had
another huge fight with Lauren we sent
her upstairs to do her homework which
means Lauren get off the phone and start
doing your homework ah lately she has
been such a pain I can't get her to do
anything South fight well maybe that's
the problem sounds like someone talking
at their child when perhaps they should
be talking with their child yeah and I
guess you would know because your
imaginary children are so well behaved
are they here now Linda I don't have
children but I happen to be taking a
night class in psychology and we're
studying teams right now well let me
save you some time they eat your food
and then they turn on you Wow the
chapter we're studying says the best way
to deal with the kid like Lauren is just
to negotiate with them well mines any
good at negotiating I wouldn't they add
Lauren they just suggest you sit down
you does calmly work out a deal they get
something they want in exchange for
something you want there since I like
simple give it a try Lauren come down
here thanks for the advice well you know
I see things and you look at got speak
up
what have you started your homework no
oh well good your aunt linda has been
taking a psychology class and she
suggested that I negotiate with you so
here's the deal you can have to go do
your homework or you could sit and
listen to her talk about her class
homework wait stay right here Linda Bell
did you clean out the gutters no Oh have
I got a deal for you believed it never
ends hey you're the one who said I do
not only made warm to get harder math
class yeah well her algebra teacher said
home her first test she answered the
first three questions I don't know I
don't care why don't you ask my mom
that's just stupid you don't know
algebra I'll talk to her tomorrow just a
class bill it's everything I'm sick of
fighting with her you know I'm at the
end of my role to be calm down you know
all I have to do is turn into big angry
guy and Lauren will get scared and fall
back inline i don't know if she's afraid
of big angry guy anymore Judy everyone's
afraid of big angry guy you the kids the
carny who claimed I didn't win that
giant size comb what do you think that
she's just got to learn when you get the
big angry guy angry there's gonna be
hell to pay I couldn't use the voice and
pound the fist and show her where the
here is that I've had it up to that's
not bad you bet it isn't because when
you play with the bull you get the horns
if you don't straighten out there's
gonna be hell to pay like what I mean
when you say hell to pay what exactly
does that mean it means he'll lots and
lots of how just when you yell like that
you're just looks like a really big
tomato we're screwed
she laughed at me she laughed at the big
angry guy you don't laugh at the big
Angry County that hurts his feelings
chase it at some point we all lose some
of our parenting weapons remember when
the kids used to run from tight lips
scary voice yeah I love to what happened
to her Molly stopped running and started
doing the funny impression of her face
they know all our tricks I have an idea
oh we can't just drop him off in the
woods and driveway and I'm out negotiate
with Lauren you know bargain with her of
all that's stupid unless now it really
is completely however ah it's just
totally I'm all right did I begin on the
whole thing by yourself I'm just
thinking what if we only let Lauren
think one negotiate we tell her to stick
with the algebra in exchange we make
some vague promise we never have to keep
that's not really negotiate and that's
more like scamming I guess I like it
what are they promised ones I can bake
now let me see we tell her if she sticks
for the algebra class will I gotta
respect their privacy that seems to be a
real big deal with yeah she's always
griping about that one in her diary
anything about big angry guy in her
diary Oh
I know hey Lauren I have to go stem
y'all are you back hey your father and I
have been thinking we'd really like you
to stick with the algebra class or what
sobe blocks and blocks in alabang no
actually we don't think it's fair that
you do this without offering you
something in return really yep so we're
willing to negotiate you are if you
stick with algebra and do well your
father and I promised I know will
respect your privacy explored will
respect your privacy how just say we'll
really really respect it great what
sounds fair mom and dad are negotiating
with me negotiation huh what a fresh
approach to parenting um pinterest come
up with an idea was it written in
sausage on a pizza Oh a little birdie
told us bitter little birdie whose body
gets a little further south each year
sure great okay now all we have to do is
just put it on paper what really why
yeah cuz what is on paper it's official
and everyone knows what's expected of
everyone else what do you think sounds
dangerous to me oh we're not putting it
on paper type people why not because we
don't like to waste paper or your mother
and I the only ones who care about the
rainforest can you want to cut down at
Tracy you wouldn't have to rake it
wasn't just that that tree was haunted
maybe we shouldn't writing just to be
safe okay so what do you want the
contract to say what's going on your
parents are negotiating a contract
support if one promises to pass algebra
we promise to respect your price that
sounds kind of vague
wait you mean vague it's just a passing
algebra is specific whereas respecting
or privacy what does that really mean
don't you have some bully's homework to
do right you know there are a lot of
terms and conditions here that need to
be clarified yes make sure it's clear
Lauren Lauren do we really need all this
interference for mr. mumbo and Miss
jumbo we are your mommy and daddy do you
think we'd actually trained she's okay I
think we've covered the section on
privacy we need to take another look at
the subsection on phone usage well if
we're giving in our phone use that she
has to improve her attitude attitude
what's that supposed to me then but you
guys can't be Lane Lane what's that
supposed to me Zack extended phone
privileges three times a week if she
cleans the dishes every night I'm not
doing the dishes every night unless I
get phone privileges every night well
I'm sorry that's our final offer this my
final off okay yeah what we have here is
an emotional dynamic which has resulted
in an impasse we studied this in my
class now there's one theory
my God look to sink I didn't do it the
dishes have been washed and put away oh
yeah I did that no you didn't Lauren to
it I took a sh*t you know whole contract
thing is really working out Lauren to
the dishes five times last week without
even being asked would have been six
except for tuesday when we ate tacos
over the sink oh it's been working so
well i decided to drop a little contract
between us what kind of contract it's a
couple's contract directly relating to
matters of an adult nature and by adult
nature I mean bump into hostile let me
see that proposal and suggested
activities ya know and only if you clean
out the garage not that important my mom
again oh hi Lauren thank you for
cleaning the dishes you're welcome thank
you for allowing me my 20-minute phone
conversation without listening in Lauren
I'd like to exercise my option to say
one lane thing a week go ahead I'm so
proud of you h*nky tonk any pumpkin face
Judith function in the whole honking pad
hey we'll stick this up next week did
you see how polite she was hi mom hi dad
who was it he said we were crafty
parents Brian and Tina yeah where are
they now yeah no seriously where are
they I don't know I think ones in the
yard
hello oh hi mom this is Jason he's in my
math class hey mr. mrs. Miller oh nice
to meet you Jason he just stopped by to
help me with some of my algebra homework
ah algebra if you're anything like I was
in school x equals D minus okay Bell
let's leave these two alone oh that's
okay we're gonna go upstairs whoa whoa
whoa whoa upstairs yeah we're going to
my room Oh up to your room oh wait wait
a minute how old are you 16 maybe you
and this man should study in the kitchen
jason is a friend of mine and the
contract specifically says I can have
friends alone in my room now wait a
second he has a point it is in the
contract you kids go on up and study
thanks mom judy judy judy you're just
study I know what they're gonna study
he's looking for the square root of my
daughter calm down bill if we want this
contract to work we have to trust her I
trust her it's mutton chops I'm not that
crazy about gonna happen with us right
downstairs plus Jason seems completely
harmless cop man hey I've been a teenage
boy I know the disgusting stuff that's
in their heads well I have been a
teenage girl trust me it's the guy she
doesn't bring home that we have to worry
about right now I'm worried about him
cuz he hat man here to sneaky little
bastard
hey what are you doing you're supposed
to give us our privacy I know I know I I
really have to check out the heating
ducts I was downstairs I I heard some
noise I haven't heard any noise oh I
distinctly heard the problems down here
in this duck yeah this is gonna be an
all-day job you kids might want to go
study downstairs sir yeah ducks right up
there well this is worse than I thought
to be here I need about 12 feet of
tubing some ants and wats maybe some
kilos I'm not going to know till I get
in there do you need any help with this
it's pretty complicated well my family
has the heating and cooling business so
I kind of know all about it of course
you do so what exactly is the problem
Jared well it's probably the in the
trinnock sound rating I forget it I'll
look at it later formula let me take a
look Oh dad did you to the door on the
way out please
[Applause]
this is so a violation of the country no
the contract states that you're allowed
to study alone in your room with your
friends it does not mention a door
steady a cheap and maybe I'll go to you
can't go to Jason's house I can I'd like
to meet his family I have some questions
about the heating and cooling business
you know maybe I should just quit
algebra well then we'll start listening
in on your phone calls you can forget
about me doing the dishes let's just
forget about the whole contract oh no no
no no fine we are not forgetting about
this contract I've had peace and quiet
and clean dishes in this house for a
week and it could stay that way maybe I
should go you're not going anywhere yeah
I'm going to go through that door back
on you're going to go upstairs and study
and you are going to go upstairs and be
alone with my daughter in her bedroom
with the door closed now who wants to
can of pop
[Applause]
[Applause]
what are you doing I dropped the remote
upstairs you don't know everything about
gravity know a lot about bien by the way
thanks to help me fold the towel you're
welcome you didn't help me took a sh*t
parents already so forgotten I've really
be doing this they can't come in here
its new contract oh don't we're with
them right downstairs kalbarri do not
get me up what's going on in here I
cannot believe you two all right what's
going on you are not gonna believe what
these two were do I knew it all right
man hair get out of my house no bill he
was doing her homework apparently we've
raised a cheater oh thank god no I mean
you are in so much trouble young lady
Jai gonna Jesco so you wanted the door
back so you can cheat you have lost all
privileges that you got with that
contract fine if you're breaking the
contract that I'm dropping algebra
Lauren your mother and I have had it I
know I know there's gonna be hell to pay
no Lauren I give up trying to scare you
into doing things you're too old for
that I just wish there was some way I
could make you want to try harder in
school but there isn't and it's all my
fault it is yeah I'm always trying to
trick you with an angry voice or a
contract instead of doing the hard work
of setting a good example yeah no no
it's true Judy I I take shortcuts how
can i blame these kids when they do the
exact same dad it's not you it's Mia I'm
lazy I can do algebra no Lauren I'm not
gonna push you to do things just so I
don't feel failure
no I'm doing it for me I'm gonna stay in
the class well I would like that very
much so is this your new character
disappointed with himself god that was
go away did you see how bad she felt
yeah I was peeking through my fingers
how'd you get your eyes too well up like
that I yanked out a nose hair
[Music]
02x01 - Still Negotiating
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Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.
Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.