[Music]
they'll put that can of cheese down the
last time you ate a piece of fresh fruit
I had raspberries for breakfast those
were crunch berries I did my conscious
too hello everybody I uh I have some bad
news now I know you all liked her but
Emmeline broke up with me oh it's like
losing a member of the family who's
Emily Ryan are you okay yeah I guess and
to think I just got us tickets to go see
Mamma Mia we have a musical oh that's
why she broke up with you no I'll go
with you I love ya bah really that'd be
great and you know i heard that we have
a heartwarming story around 22 of their
biggest hint and what are you doing when
you talk about musicals around me
k*lling you how lowly
[Applause]
[Music]
anyone on one of these plastic surgery
makeover shows what would you want done
x-ray vision I don't think they do that
well then just an eyelift I tend to look
a little sleepy all the time bill I have
to work saturday so you're gonna have to
go to Tina's recital for me yeah I was
just a one of Tina's with sidles last
month you're going and you're going to
videotape it for me did you get the
video camera fixed oh why do I have to
tell you a hundred times just do one
small thing so you do admit that it's
partly your fault Oh No will never have
it fixed in time it's tennis last
recital she has a solo you know I got a
camcorder I could go with bill and tape
it for you really are you sure you don't
have anything better to do Oh Marian
wants me to spend the day scrapbooking
with her so uh no over he'll really your
choice oh hello Marian Judy we were just
talking about you oh really no we worth
would you like to come in no thank you I
just came by looking for my husband I
was just wondering where the ice cream
is that I sent you out to get two hours
ago right here well by the way Marian uh
I can't scrapbook with you on saturday
cuz i'm gonna go with build a videotape
tina's dance recital yeah I guess as
long as you're doing something for
somebody's family guess we better get
this on ice huh bill Judy she should
just put the ice cream in her lap it'll
freeze solid on her way home
I don't get those two no this is so laid
back and she's such a freak about her a
perfect home in her precious ornamental
towel the towel incident that was ugly
oh I did was wipe off my hands and she
went crazy on me who puts towels in the
bathroom and doesn't expect them to get
a little dirty that's why whenever I use
the bathroom it fits his house I never
wash my hands Kim I wash them in the
fish t*nk and drive on the dog
I don't want to sound insensitive but
those kids spunk really cool and will be
things like the 300 I think Tina's up
next and now our eight-year-old
ballerinas will perform an excerpt from
the dance of the hour should have Tina
invite that tall one over for a playdate
their instructor miss Stephanie is
performing the role of the fairy queen
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say
best recital ever
[Music]
[Music]
[Applause]
I'd say that's old work Tina was
adorable you got it didn't you one more
time who's with me daddy can I see
myself on the tape barely means is you
got to wait a couple hours after you eat
before you watch yourself on tape or you
get a cramp what's everything why you
never see me doing anything after i eat
oh yeah okay all right let's see if I
got any tina at all where's Tina hmm
that's not to you still not Tina wow
those are definitely not Tina oh there's
Tina's elbow and back to miss Stephanie
glad you're alive we're out well we'll
just erase the evidence and blame the
battery hit me one Wow she even looks
hot going backwards hey what are you two
up to know what are you doing home
already oh they let me off early oh is
that the videotape of Tina's recital
yeah the tape kind of got screwed up no
no no Judy this is a digital camera we'd
have to redo jalate it before it can be
seen by the human eye oh look at this
destiny she is so pretty really I don't
see it still miss Stephanie
warmest Stephanie check out Tina style
that's it that's all you got a piña you
missed her entire solar Judy I know
you're mad and I know what you're
thinking how could I have trusted fits
to hold the camera well thanks a lot
fits I told tina i was going to watch
her now how am I supposed to tell her
that I can't yes it's tell us please
please sorry I guess I just couldn't
keep the camera off that pretty miss
Stephanie because I'm a pig well I guess
I'm gonna have to lie and tell Tina that
I saw her going up stairs this try and
resist the urge to take me thanks a lot
no Judy thinks I'm approved hey I got
you out of scrapbooking I'd say we're
even you got a nice little arrangement
here I can lie for you you can lie for
me and our wives never find out because
they hate each other well because of a
little ornamental towels towels cleaned
up a lot of messes I love that tall come
on tell me yeah it's the price what's
going on hey Linda bought us tickets to
another musical tonight and she won't
tell me which one is it the annoying one
where they sing everything calc you a
hint you have the t-shirt lame is you um
hairspray yeah look Hodge oh no that's a
t*nk top I'm alright girls but the
goodbye girl thanks for ruining itself
and thanks for ruining him
[Music]
game looks great on your TV Vincent it's
like I really am a beautiful busty woman
k*lling people coasters Marion doesn't
like us drinking beer in here and use
your nuts late she barely lets me have
nuts in the house apparently ah oh my
turn are you ready good about to do a
little running waterfall Oh your t-shirt
got wet ack you really need to meet a
woman hey I'm not the one zoomed in on
his kids dance teacher and you didn't
see Miss Stephanie yeah check her out
sorry the screen is a little smudge cuz
I've been kissing it damn C I mean damn
hey who's elbow is that my kids it'll be
gone in a second pause it right there
pause it pause it fine all right man
it's the green one thought thanks hi
honey you're home early and a good thing
wouldn't want to miss the big stag party
William Maxwell oh I guess this is why
you couldn't scrapbook with me on
Saturday you were off filming some
little pop tart now you're showing it to
your pervert buddy well thanks for the
nuts which I did me not without a nut
plate Daniel I taped it pretty thing
came twirling by and I just couldn't
take my eyes off her frankly I don't
know how Judy puts up with me well she
must be an incredibly forgiving person
she is you know when I saw her the other
day it made me think how close we used
to be I should give her a call what yeah
I remember why we have that silly
falling out towels
towel you remember she ruined him with
her filthy dirty hands your antique
fingertip towels you couldn't replace
that one she ruined yeah I broke up the
set that's right she broke up a set your
heart your friendship there's no healing
that no healing that ever I guess you're
right wow that was close jeez I just
step on a cashew hey we think of this
I'm not just for tonight Wow look like a
guy okay all set ready together oh you
look sharp hey you two oh I forgot the
tickets I'll be right back wow great
that you and Brian have been spending so
much time together yeah isn't it yeah
but there's there's only one tiny little
problem you see you're dating your
nephew right come on crazy come on don't
we're just going out for dinner and
seeing if you show was having a couple
laughs talking on the phone oh my God
we're dating well just in time proms
coming up all set shall we yeah we have
to um all right but we might be late for
dinner and I was hoping to get a table
by the piano I have loved hanging out
with you but you know ever since Emily
broke up with you without knowing it you
sort of made me your girlfriend what
think about it you know plays two
dinners that carriage ride oh my god
briney all right you've developed a
little crush on your aunt it's perfectly
mr. Waring countries where they don't
have enough people
but I know we're not really dating but
that doesn't mean I'm not sure I feel
love an intelligent a trafficker never
sick oh yeah I don't know you're talking
to but no he couldn't Hey Judy Mary ah
what are you doing here well you left my
house is such a hurry yesterday you
forgot your scarf thanks Marion I just
hate that you had to come over here I
just hate it we've actually been having
a lovely time catching up well you got a
lot to catch up on I mean who who knows
what topics could come up Judy can I see
you in the kitchen wake up you know how
i told you that fits made the tape at
Tina's recital yeah well I gotta come
clean with you about something we told
Marian that I did did you oh no that's
the lie that I just did to cover from it
why would you take the blame for fit
because you know Mary Ann she's such a
wifey wife I'm not like you you're a
guy's wife you're cool you get well I
try thanks for never so what you'll play
along sure I'm cool you're the best
that's what are you doing let me a note
that she's over here with Judy this
could be a disaster all taken care of my
friend I sorted everything else you told
Judy there was really you that made the
tape oh god now you did it she's just
not going to say anything to marry I
think we'd better get in there hey
Marian I've got your note that you were
over here well let's get going oh no
Julie and I are doing our chat yeah we
have so much to catch up on I bet you do
you know the kids the weather what else
oh gosh yeah that that day Judy ruined
your towel that's all water under the
bridge but no amount of water to get out
that stain
I'm sure you manage to replace the towel
right I couldn't they were handmade by
my grandmother it was the last sec she
embroidered before she went blind again
I'm really really sorry that's all right
although a hand written apology no would
have been nice did we get one of those
no no and it would have been appreciated
well in all fairness is your guest I'd
appreciate a hand towel I could actually
use sorry for stirring that pot I guess
this is what I get for trying to be your
friend I felt a little sorry for you
what with bills wandering on oh don't
wander and I you know what I can't do
this oh sure you can because you're cool
my husband wasn't one checking out the
tutu's it was yours it was just covering
for Fitz look everybody it's snowing
let's make a come on Daniel is is true
bill made the tape I know we've lied
about it a hundred times but that's the
God's honest truth he did it pal yes I
did it you really did it didn't you yeah
I see in the kitchen sure if it was you
wasn't it you've been lying to me this
whole time it was a small lie it would
have made you angry I was really just
protecting your feelings you are
protecting your feelings don't you care
about my feelings bill I believed you I
made a fool out of myself in front all
fancy pants in there hey listen we can
hear you out there some of us have to
sleep a little fancy pants all right
we'll try and keep it down Thanks you
know what bill I don't care that you
were looking at another woman what
bothers me is I had to work all day
Saturday and I couldn't count on you to
do this one little thing there's only
one Judy I can't be everywhere hey mom
from going to the mall I'm gonna return
that fire you got on Saturday oh thanks
honey Saturday went wait a minute I
thought you were at work on Saturday you
know what they'll I forgive you
lawrence's
it turns out there is more than one Judy
there's work and Judy shop and Judy and
lion sackadoo d Judy all right they let
me off early and instead of going to
tina's recital I went shopping but only
because I thought my husband was taping
it for me well the great thing is we're
both gigantic liar and it all turned out
fine and the only one who was hurt was
Tina better good well we were with so
that's just you guys come cleaner that's
all okay all the sudden oh yeah we might
lie to each other and s*ab each other in
the back and make jokes at each other's
expense but in the end it doesn't really
matter cuz we got a good marriage oh you
know what excuse me Marion we need to
talk about what on our marriage Billy
Judy made me realize we need to learn to
communicate better well that's exactly
what I want great just you know
sometimes I feel like I can't be
completely honest with you that's just
silly you don't have to keep things from
me oh good because you know who cares if
I really get off work at five even
though I've been telling you 64 years so
I could have a couple of beers you know
a little fun before I have to come home
to you
[Applause]
oh yeah and I am allowed to take calls
from you would work there's no rule so
this was good and that heart murmur that
keeps me from making love to you it's
not real theoretically well yes as long
as we're talking about lies I've got one
for you our marriage I was weird she
seemed mad oh it's gonna be a whole new
beginning for you too what's marrying
goes home and digests it in the end
it'll all be fine it's just a trial
separation will take some time digested
it'll all work out fine okay fit divorce
is like a whole new people but weren't
you digest it you'll find that your
sugar
maybe we should probably get going play
starts in about an hour hi it's been a
while so what you too um ashley long and
i are just about to go down to the
theater and then scrubbed by to eat at
that Miceli yeah well have fun okay
Brian take care you thanks you too think
I'm gonna be sick
[Music]
I wouldn't have
the way cuz imagine me
[Applause]
03x10 - Still Lying
Watch/Buy Amazon
Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.
Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.