[Music]
isn't anyone gonna make dinner around
here I'm starving right there yeah go
ahead how okay that's that we have to go
get dad yeah ever since Kyle polski
moved in next door all that does is goof
off of that big stupid bridge guy house
not so bad thank you only liked him
because he bought a thousand dollars
with a Girl Scout cookies call me badge
hey I bet he still has some cookies left
of course he does wait dad has been over
there for a few hours come on we better
hurry 70-inch plasma biggest one they
make she's a beauty only problem is when
I recline I can't see it so I had
another one built into the ceiling ah
gotcha Bulls great flick they pull a
Kn*fe you pull a g*n he sends one of
your saw the hospital yushan one of his
to the more that's the Chicago away
Bieber that is the worst Katharine
Hepburn I have ever heard hey Dad way to
interrupt your little play date with
Kyle but we're hungry and abandoned yeah
you are so dead when mom finds out that
you've been spending all your time over
your slacking off while she's at work
she is going to be so steamed wow you
are right Kyle the alcohol really does
come right out of your pores
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
that's leftover Chinese a can with no
label and some moldy cheese what was
that made me vomit okay piri I think I
found the perfect fabric for her couch
you know when you come back from reno
this weekend we'll just leave me get
look me home honey it's our support
anniversary wait what sounds like
trouble you know I did have a feeling
that marriage wouldn't last six months
it would be sad if I didn't bet on it
pay up not the doors that if they make
it one more week you owe me 50 bucks
jerk so called husband is coming home
for our anniversary you know what I
kinda with him hey marriage is hard the
key is to get past the first six months
after that divorce away hey don't listen
to her you know cut your losses scuba
don't cut it out and do enough gambling
later when you eat whatever this is
what's Perry's excuse now oh cuz you
can't come back from Reno cuz his band
keeps selling out he's in a plug cover
band they sold out long ago we keep
adding extra shows and he's just so busy
he never comes home he barely returns my
phone call that is not good you need to
talk a marriage cannot survive without
communication where's my dinner wife
shut it okay if I feel like I'm the only
one putting any effort into this
relationship you know I mean I've been
trying to redecorate our apartment for
months to make a hole for us but Perry
doesn't seem the least bit interested if
he won't come to you for your
anniversary why don't you just go to him
yeah I like that okay hey honey it's me
listen good news um I want to come to
reno okay okay great he said he's too
busy and told me not to come am I so
undesirable that my husband doesn't want
to be in the same city with me again
shut it I was just gonna say whatever
you're cooking is starting to smell like
tar oh damn crappy crap
duty are you doing I thought you're
coming with me to a fabric store to
return my samples oh I'm sorry when I
said yeah right I meant yeah right I've
been very busy I don't have time to goof
around with you sir madam your root beer
floats already hey Linda this is your
first visit to polski manner Barry Chuck
etv after my third divorce I decided I
was building my life exactly the way I
want how's that working out for you Kyle
I happen to be very lonely hey I don't
think the girls would love this place at
least the ones who have gone wild yeah
and after five years of being single
sort of got a little tired of that kind
of girl nice to attract a more grown-up
woman well Kyle perhaps it would help if
you live to like a grown-up I mean was
it about guys who have some aversion to
adults furniture would I k*ll you to buy
a sofa I have a sofa right here well you
might want to consider classing up your
activate or you might end up with a
woman you also have to blow up I know
anything about furniture got a classy
lady like you coffee yes I have acquired
a certain riddles igual um perhaps i
would put a sectional over here and
perhaps a nice tasteful armoire over
here so you'd help me yeah why not no I
was gonna read you my place but since
that's not happening why don't I bring
over my swatches and get busy fellas get
busy I mean let's do it I mean let's
have sectional
[Applause]
football time at Kyle's house do not
know every Sunday I get soused all the
dude on the couch where's the TV did I
come on the wrong do today no I uh got
rid of the TV and decided to put a pain
there uh at least we can still watched
it ah ah chandelier why I'm just helping
me redecorate why so I can settle down
need a better quality of woman why I
know you have issues with Linda but I
like these changes if you really are my
friend you will support me on this
absolutely if this is what makes you
happy I'll support you a hundred percent
we gotta k*ll Linda what for this time
she's ruining Kyle she's redoing this
house and making him grow up to meet a
decent woman maybe that's a good thing
we can't live like a child forever ping
pong table gone ceiling TV gone not home
steam room gone Medellin
where's that going how'd you get rid of
a few things skee-ball machine I'm 50
tickets away from winning the giant kool
Bell it's Kyle's house obviously he's an
adult and he can built the tanning bed
link arms with me we're not letting it
out we needed to get rid of something to
make room for you or more I know what we
can get rid of well bad news I can't go
with you to the bulls game tonight what
why cuz i'm taking a wine-tasting class
with linda instead ruin our ruiner of
man well don't be like that so you and
Kyle are going to a wine tasting class
yeah well the other night well we're at
dinner I picked out a bottle of wine if
you really enjoyed so after the movie
wait wait dinner and a movie so we
really like spending time with each
other yeah it's called dating there's
only one problem with it you're married
and believe me if you could date other
people while you were married my entire
calendar would be filled Judy I'm just
redecorating it's fun and Kyle likes my
ideas okay Linda you're doing this
because you're upset with Perry you need
to confront him about why he is shutting
you out of his life instead of flirting
with another guy relax I am NOT flirting
with kylo just you know was all set to
nest with Perry but he's not around so
now I'm doing it with Kyle I'll just
remember this is not your house and kyle
is not your husband your husband said to
put this in the guest room oh my god
this is like in the big goof so it goes
in our bedroom
where's Kyle signing for drapes I have
to look away he's only happening because
that bonehead Perry's been out of town
for so long look I know you sh*t this
down or earlier we are not k*lling my
sister I bet Harriet be here in a second
if he thought Kyle and Linda were
fooling around maybe someone could make
an anonymous caller we know that would
be a terrible thing to do oh look i just
wrote perry's number down in reno I just
dropped some change and on a side note
there's a pay phone on the corner you
could walk to I'm starting to lose faith
in this plan I'll Drive you genius let's
go Linda Perry come back and Reno you
talk to you lean down for this door but
I have I gone up in this door is open
where's my wife did you check your
apartment of course I've neglected my
precious treasure now I said she's been
stolen from me she might be at Kyle's
house next door Kyle polski where's that
bastard live once again right next door
don't sweep her off her feet yeah i'm
off to reclaim my woman my last chance
of happiness and that car will paint a
lot he's done he will pay by the way
he's a snow globe from Reena chat later
great sounds like he's really gonna
fight to get Linda back that's 50 bucks
bad news for you Brian oh really well
did you happen to see the bouquet
carnations I don't think so ha gay son
is right Harry's gonna need some help
you were right about him I'm not gay
period but for the record who didn't
notice they were carnation Oh what have
we here we've got guarded yeah well I
haven't Scotchgard in my heart which has
been stained by your deceit that is a
fantastic lyric boy wine face you got
pencil yeah I got an anonymous call from
someone who said you'd taken up with
Kyle so I got on the first plane back to
tell you that I love you and I'll be
lost without you hey you flew all the
way back here to prove your love because
you thought I was cheating on you I just
want nothin oh really Carrie I mean you
wouldn't come home for anniversary being
suddenly show up to throw around some
crazy accusation come on Linda material
cozy on the couch which has made scotch
guarded like my heart which is gamma put
a balloon believe it was stained by your
deceit Jerry we're just taking a wine
class together okay there's nothing
going on I take my vows very seriously
you're the one who's got some secret
library knows I can't even be part of
well I heard from a very reliable source
it's sunny with a Mitch here reliable
source Katharine Hepburn Katharine
Hepburn that was a dead on Sean Connery
Perry your wife is sleeping with Kyle
polski
I said too much
[Music]
wow you know it actually looks like
Linden Perry gonna break up that's too
bad i really like Perry not as much as I
like 50 bucks I wouldn't start a bidding
on a lightsaber just yet in fact why
don't we make this bed a little more
interesting I'm listening if you lose
you have to make out with whoever I open
this year book too okay but if you lose
you have to make out with whoever I open
your book to deal you go first all right
aha you have to make that with me d
do-over haha Nelson Dimmick the kid with
the laminated Hall Pass because of a
special bathroom me
this is fell see the cafeteria lady
where does the five avoid kissing around
fajita Friday leave me and go for
Dimmick Linda sweetie we need to talk
what's the point Harry really loves you
you should go and what this out with him
I know Judy I mean our marriage was
already in trouble even before Sean
Connery got involved and he avoids me
for months and then March is in here
makes a big scene it was romantic the
only time bill ever swept me off my feet
was when I almost stepped on a peanut
butter cup don't tell me you love him
and that nothing happened between you
and Kyle nothing happen right no no no
mmm not really not really well somethin
mighta sorta kind of could happen but
you know Harry barged in and now I'll
never know what are you talking about
there was a feeling he felt you up Oh
crazy I'm a married woman you felt him
oh I was just sitting there drinking my
wine in my dream living room with a guy
who actually wants to spend some time
with me I can't say it wasn't tempting I
think it was taken up with Kyle are you
I don't know it depends on Perry go to
him girl he's waiting for you right now
I'm gonna go take a shower don't use all
the hot water I think we might have
broken up my sister's marriage for a
stupid steam room this is terrible
nothing's gonna happen between Kyle and
Linda he's used to strippers and bimbos
he's not gonna lower his standards just
a date Linda isn't so I hate to see
you're hurting like this we need to talk
to Perry and fix this if anyone can show
them what love is it's up Judy now it's
just a wrapper
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
oh sh**t sir listen Perry bills real
sorry about the phone call is the sooner
he thought was best in someone else's
voice you see this wallpaper she's got
my melinda love to have made a home
without you still can it's not too late
to save your marriage I can't compete
with a guy like Kyle when is rich and
it's here and it's been married several
times before so it's obviously good at
it we don't you put yourself down you're
a big rock star in Reno you got your own
Foghat cover band you stand on stage
night after night playing slow ride and
that other hit I'm not a rock star I'm a
fraud course yer is that the real foggy
yet did you think you were the real song
no I have a secret shame and it's the
reason I hadn't wanted Linda to come and
visit Perry nothing you've done will
stop Linda from wanting you back I'm not
this is how I've been spending my nights
Harry what are you doing here Linda
Perry has something to tell you that
might not be easy for you to hear but
please keep an open mind I come to be
brave Linda darling I hope you can
forgive me my Foghat cover band got
fired and I've had to do something
desperate to make money you join the
Coast Guard apparently it was that
mobile
[Music]
tinka mee very good whenever some swings
talking Jack comes along to Menace our
home don't mess around you just gotta be
strong again you're the captain in a
captain and Tennille tribute band now
you know my secret shame and Reno's
public shame well you couldn't tell me
you don't be less of me I couldn't think
what is you none of us could vary honey
I don't care about any of that my love
for you has nothing to do with which
classic 70s bands you cover don't have
to shut me out of your life okay someday
your looks will be gone when the others
turn you'll be turning you on who's not
well out we all grow
[Music]
goat dulce yes you are you look very
pretty today especially with that bit of
stewed tomato on your bosom lose a bet
Wow let's get this over with i got 3,000
by Enis
okay I'll be right
[Music]
I way
[Applause]
04x12 - Still Decorating
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Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.
Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.