04x01 - Miss Dimmsdale/Mind Over Magic

[bunniefuu]

♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky

♪ Always giving him commands

Bad twerp!

♪ Doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who'll grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality...

♪ They are his oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

Wands and wings.floaty, crowny things.

♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, peapod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

Obtuse, rubber goose,

Green moose, guava juice.

Giant snake, birthday cake,

Large fries, chocolate shake!

♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are a kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents

Yeah, right.

Uh, why are we at stately west manor again?

This guy--adam west.

He's the vintage tv actor who played catman

In the vintage tv movie,

Vintage catman vs. The doberman of doom.

And I'm gonna get his autograph.

Will you please sign this photo?

Of course, citizen.

Cat laser, cat-a-rang,

A-ha, the mighty cat pen.

What's your name, son?

Vicky! That's an odd name for a boy...but ok.

"Vicky".

Hi, mr. West.

I waxed your catmobile, swept the catcave,

Changed your cat litter, and washed your cat...cats

For free!

Bye!

What the heck was she doing here?

Assisting in my cat w*r on crime.

A crime fighter has to have a clean cave, you know.

Time to go night-night, mr. West.

Never! Catman goes night-night when catman pleases.

[Crash!]

There he goes again...

Does something seem wrong to you?

Uh, besides the fact that adam doesn't want to go night-night?

Yes! Something's up with vicky,

And we've gotta find out what.

Well, mr. Mayor,

I hope you'll vote for me in

The ms. Dimmsdale pageant.

Vicky, you'll get my vote as long as you earn it fair and square.

I admire your honesty, just as I'm sure

Everyone else will admire these photos of you from the s.

Those clothes were in style back then!

Tell it to the voters.

[Crying]

Why is vicky brown- nosing adam west and blackmailing the mayor?

Maybe it's because adam west and the mayor

Are judges in this year's ms. Dimmsdale beauty pageant.

"Win $ , and be mayor for a day." We have to stop her!

Ha ha, oh, come one. What's the worst thing that could happen

If vicky was mayor for just one day?

[Evil laughter]

, ...

, ...

, ! Ah ha ha ha ha...

An iron-fisted dictatorship!

Weird. I expected a picnic.

We can't let that happen.

I wish I was a judge at the ms. Dimmsdale pageant.

Awesome!

Come on. We gotta make sure whoever wins the pageant

Wins it fair and square...

And isn't vicky.

It's just a silly beauty pageant.

What kind on an idiot would want to enter one anyway?

It's always been my dream

To win the ms. Dimmsdale beauty pageant fair and square.

And this is my year.

Look. My old swimsuit still fits.

Dad: so does mine!

Well, hey! Looking good, turner.

Dinkleberg!

Dad. Only women are allowed to enter the pageant.

And that is an injustice which,

As ms. Dimmsdale, I will fight to eliminate.

Quick! To the turnermobile!

[Engine dies]

Your mom and dad really want to win that pageant.

Well, at least they have a fair chance.

Vicky can't bribe me.

How about a threat?

Vote for me... Or else!

Not so fast, villain.

[Screaming]

You wanna win that pageant?

You have to win it fair and square.

I'm with crazy.

That biography was unauthorized.

You'll never stop me.

That money and power will be mine!

Ah ha ha ha ha!

Ahh! This python crushing every fiber of my being!

[Cat meows]

Oh, hey. Well done, sash sidekick.

We've exposed her scheme...

To the pageant!

Uh, the pageant's a week from now.

Oh, well...then...

I will see you...

In a week.

Hey, timmy, see you in three days.

[Cheering]

Welcome to the ms. Dimmsdale beauty pageant,

Where any one of these lovely ladies

Has a chance to win thousands of dollars in prizes

And be mayor for a day.

This is chet ubetcha saying...

Judges, I don't envy your task.

So tell us, mrs. Turner,

Why do you want to be ms. Dimmsdale?

Because of all the wonderful things I'd be able to do

If I was mayor for a day.

[Evil laughter] heh heh heh heh!

Weird. I was expecting an underwater utopia.

[Cheering]

This is thems. Dimmsdale pageant.

Well, that's ams.-Take.

I'm going out there to prove men

Can be just as beautiful as woman.

And there is nothing you can do to stop me!

You know, we were chasing adam west,

But this guy's much crazier.

I'm gonna need a bigger needle.

[High-pitched scream]

I gotta make sure they vote for me,

By getting rid of all the other choices.

Why do I want to be mayor?

Well...

Aaahhh!

Aaahh!

Adam, vicky's eliminating our competition

So we have to vote for her!

Fear not, junior justice buddy,

I have a plan.

This is your plan?

It's not really a plan,

It's more of a vague concept, if you will.

Hate to leave you hanging, catman and birdbrain,

But I have a pageant to win...

By cheating!

So long, suckers.

Don't worry, vicky,

I've been in situations much worse than this.

Great. So how do we get out of it?!

Any second, the director will yell "cut!"

Then a stagehand will let us down and get us coffee.

I like mine with milk because I'm part cat.

Where the heck are cosmo and wanda?

Timmy's in trouble.

I can feel it!

We should do something.

Aaahhh!

Wow, being blackmailed sure is thirsty work.

Ha ha ha! That tickles!

It's time now for the talent contest.

[Audience shrieks]

Aaahhh!

Where is it written in this one-sided society

That a man can't be beautiful!

Actually, right here.

Aahh!

[Crash!]

I thought you were the best.

Could be worse.

I could be dangling above a boiling pot of weenies.

Don't you have anything in that belt that can save us?

Something that can absorb that foul smelling liquid?

That's it, sashed wonder,

Quick, just like that rat,

Use your big, goofy teeth

To gnaw through the second left-hand pouch on my belt.

Aah! Pepper gas!

Sorry, third to the left.

Cats can't count.

Pttha! Cat litter?

Aaahhh!

Aaaahhh!

Quick! To the judges table!

Wow!

Cool! We made it back before the final round.

All I have to do is pick from the finalists.

Finalists?

What?

And the winner is...

Nobody!

[Audience gasps]

What?

She cheated. She doesn't deserve to be ms. Dimmsdale.

Well, she's the only one left,

So it looks like the cheating vicki wins!

Fork over the money and the keys to city, stubby.

It's not like there's anybody else here in a dress.

Guess again!

Aaahhh!

[Audience cheering]

Cat-tastic!

She performed every phase of the pageant in one move.

Can you get me her number?

That's no she, that's my dad!

So you have it then.

And the winner is...

Timmy's dad!

Nooooo!

May I borrow your needle?

Just make it bigger.

Uh...you're all winners?

[Nervous laughter]

Well, goodnight, son.

Tomorrow I start my reign as ms...

-Ter dimmsdale!

Ow!

Wow! Your dad won!

Vicki lost to a man.

And she got beaten up by a bunch

Of jealous beauty pageant contestants.

And best of all,

Vicki won't be mayor for a day.

Yeah. And what's the worst your dad could do as mayor?

[Evil laughter]

Keep working, dinkleberg.

And don't forget to polish my statue.

Heh heh heh!

He's not gonna call you--really.

[Meow]

Well, class, there's only one minute left

Before school's out.

Ah, the light! I love the light!

Which means it's time for...

A pop quiz!

Quick, how many seconds are there in a year?

Class: me! Pick me!

On mars!

Uh...uh...

F! Fs for everybody!

Heh heh heh!

The dark, it's back.

Ow! A paper cut!

Is it me or has crocker gone crazy with pop quizzes?

Pop quiz!

That's a yes.

Quick, what is the daily recommended dosage of vitamin b ?

Too late! F! Fs for everyone!

It's an f-apalooza!

All you can eat fs!

Cosmo: wow, look at all the failure!

F, f, super f!

Man, I'm so sick of all these pop quizzes!

How can I stop crocker from surprising me?!

You can't. It's not like you're a mind reader.

If there were just some way you could know

When he was going to pop a quiz,

You could be ready for it.

Like a mind reader would.

You're right, wanda.

If I were ready for the quizzes every time

And always got good grades,

Crocker might give up on them.

If only you could read minds.

You know what might work,

If I could read minds.

That's a great idea.

Hey! Why didn't I think of that?

I wish I had the power to read minds.

Well, does it work?

What a stupid question!

Of course it works, you twit!

That's a great question, cosmo.

I love you.

Cool! It works.

Ok, cosmo, let's read your mind.

[Muzak plays]

Elevator music?

You can't hear his thoughts

Because there's nothing going on in there.

Oh, yeah. Then what's this rattling?

[Rattling sounds]

Oh, my stuff.

Cosmo's empty head is such a convenient carrying case.

[Blowing nose]

This is gonna be great!

I never thought I'd say this but...

I can't wait for school tomorrow.

[Bell rings]look, up in the sky,

Is it a d? Is it an e?

No, it's super f!

Good morning, mr. Crocker.

Hello, turner.

Poor innocent sap who has no clue

I'm going to pop a quiz on botswana,

The capital of which is gaborone.

Maybe he'll cry.

That would be great!

I could bottle his tears and sell them on the internet.

Ha ha ha ha.

Amigos!

Examen sorpresa...

Which is spanish for...

Pop quiz!

What is the capital of botswana?

You!

You! You!

Gaborone!

Wrong! F!

I mean, right. A?

I don't understand. How could I have failed?

Where did I go wrong? Did I leave the curling iron on?

And where will I find a child's tears now?

I got an "a" on a pop quiz!

I'll bet my friends are thrilled for me.

Lucky. Cheater.

I hope nobody notices my boil has a mind of its own.

Boil: silence, you fool.

Wait, turn your head, turn your head!

Millard fillmore, th president.

Your mother called you flippy.

See ya.

There's only one way a student could be

So totally prepared for my quizzes

And know that my mother called me flippy.

He was given mind-reading powers by...

Fairy godparents!

Oh, how was--

School? Awesome!

Hey, you're still reading--

Minds? You bet.

And best of all, crocker hasn't given a quiz in two days.

This mind-reading wish works perfectly.

Great, timmy.

So, are you ready to stop reading minds?

...before you start using your powers

To mess with your friends heads

Like a big show-offy jerk?

Oh, now, there's a thought.

Timmy, wait.

Instead of messing around with your friends' heads

Like a big show-offy jerk

How about a nice picnic?

Look, I packed a lunch.

It stays fresh because my head is vacuum sealed!

[Muzak plays]

Ooh, dinner theater!

I hope he doesn't say a .

A !

You fragged my frigate.

That's it, turner,

Flaunt your magically obtained mental powers

On the weak and unsuspecting.

But you'll never again be able to read my mind

Once it's encased in this convenient

And portable lead-lined anti- mind reading helmet.

Aaahh!

Hi, trixie.

Um...hello.

Why is this loser talking to me?

Oh, sure, she's saying that,

But let's see if that's how she really feels.

Why is this loser talking to me?

Why isn't that loser talking to me?

Why am I working with year olds?

Why didn't I finish college?

Hey, maybe I can beat the answers out of this kid.

Aaahhh!

That's it, turner. So sure of yourself. So safe.

But now that I have perfected my anti- mind reading helmet,

You will be helpless when I spring my completely secret trap

And capture your...

Fairy godparents!

Aaaahhh!

[School bell rings]

[Whispering]

Hey, guys. What's going on?

[Nervously laughs] not a thing.

We'll see about that.

I can't wait for the surprise birthday party for timmy at : ...

With loads of candy and sweets!

Boil: now, take him down!

No! I won't listen!

We gotta go, timmy. Bye!

So that's it! A surprise party for me!

Timmy, something is very wrong.

Yeah, it's not your birthday.

If it was, she'd have put a cake in my head.

Guys, relax. I'll meet you in the gym at : .

It's perfectly safe.

You guys can hide.

If anything goes wrong, you'll be there for me.

To make it better.

Or worse-- I don't know which.

I'm not a mind reader.

Gee, this strange note I found on my locker

Said to come to the gym at : p.m.

I wonder what for.

Surprise!

Yes, turner. Surprise.

Uh-oh.

Guess what I'm thinking.

Oh, that's right... You can't! Ha ha!

Hey, I'm reading my own mind!

Ehh! I read my own mind.

Something wrong, turner?

Just a headache. I gotta go.

So soon? But we're about to play a game.

A thinking game.

Kids, what's your favorite color?

Think it real loud. Come on, kids.

Think. Think!

Purple! Green!

[All kids thinking loudly]

[Beeping]

Aaahhh!

Too many thoughts!

Favorite flavor of pie.

Come on, scream it in your heads!

Raspberry! Blueberry!

Take over the world, barry.

Want the pain to stop, turner?

Then admit it. Admit that you have fairy godparents!

Never!

Aaahh!

Gotta find cosmo or wanda and unwish wish!

Favorite candy.

Chocolate! Suckers!

Jelly beans!

Can't find the drinks!

Hey, it's a new birthday dance.

Come on, everybody, do it!

Now everybody pretend I'm giving a lecture

And let your minds wander freely

While I videotape turner admitting

He has fairies!

Cosmo, wanda!

Too much noise! Too many thoughts!

If only I had a quiet place to not think!

[Muzak from cosmo's head]

If you're wondering why we're basketballs, it's a funny story.

Not now! I wish I couldn't read minds anymore.

Awesome. I can't hear anyone's thoughts except my own. Cool.

All right, I'll admit it!

Heh heh!

I'll admit...

It's not my birthday.

Huh?

Pop quiz.

Who promised you candy if you'd all come to the gym

And pretend it was my birthday?

Crocker!

Who doesn't have candy?

Crocker!

Heeeeegghh!

Hey, you said there'd be candy.

And brain food.

And something to stop my boil from controlling my thoughts.

Boil: silence, you fool.

Produce for us now the sugary products!

Gaaaahh!

Little help here.

Hey, maybe the candy's in thispinata.

Gaaahh!

[Kids screaming]crocker: ah! Ooh! Ah!

You thinking what I'm thinking?

Nope. And that's just the way it should be.

Who'da thought cosmo's empty headedness would someday save us.

Hey! Who are you calling empty-headed?

I'm not empty-headed. Look. See?

I've got candy.

And chip skylark! Take it away, chip!

♪ My sunny teeth that twinkle ♪

♪ Just like the stars in space ♪

♪ My sunny teeth that sparkle ♪

♪ Adding beauty to my face

♪ My sunny teeth and me