Mother Krampus 2: Slay Ride (2018)

[bunniefuu]

(KNOCKS ON DOOR)

Hello.

Anybody here?

I need some assistance here.

Hold on, I'm coming.

Hold on.

- Hi.

- Hi!

Oh, give it to me.

Can I help you with somethin'?

Yeah, give me

one second, please.

- Can you take this one for me?

- Yeah, sure.

Thank you so much.

Hope I didn't leave

you out there too long.

Oh, no, not at

all. Not at all.

- Thank you very much.

- Oh, you're welcome.

Wow, look at all this stuff.

Okay.

I'm so tired.

I can't believe

you were actually

able to get a flight so

last minute, you know?

Oh, me too.

When I heard you were comin'

in on such short notice

I thought, there's no way.

That had to cost

an arm and a leg.

Actually it wasn't that bad.

Niko's family had a lot of the

frequent flier miles saved up,

so, they just gave 'em to us.

That stupid Niko.

Let me, I'll be right back.

Hey, baby.

Eileen's in here.

Would you mind comin' in

and helpin' her with the

groceries real quick?

Alright, baby, I'll be

there in a second, okay?

Let me just finish chopping

these logs, alright?

Okay, but hurry.

We need a big,

strong man in here.

(LAUGHS)

Will do, babe.

Will do.

Man, you're f*cking whipped.

He'll be in in just a

second to give you a hand.

(SIGHS)

(BELLS CHIME)

(COUGHS)

(TENSE MUSIC)

(CLATTERING NOISES)

Hello?

Hello?

(DOG BARKS)

(HIT THUDS)

(COUGHS)

(AX THUDS AGAINST FLESH)

You gotta watch that step!

That last one's a doozy.

You better lay off the eggnog.

Yeah, I would have to say so.

Thank you for your help.

I could've swore there were

more decorations, though.

Did you check the attic yet?

That's what I was thinkin'.

Well, let's go

look. I'll help.

No, no, no, no, no.

You just focus on

what you have to do,

and I'll get Niko to

help me with this.

Where the hell is he, anyway?

(TENSE MUSIC)

Oh, there he is.

Maybe he didn't hear

us in the basement.

You know, I'm gonna go

catch him real quick

and get him to help me

with the decorations.

Okay, I have to get

dinner going anyway.

Alright, well, we'll

be right back down,

so, if you need

anything, let us know.

Will do.

(TENSE MUSIC)

Niko, what's your problem?

You left the door wide open.

And while you're up there,

can you grab the

Christmas ornaments?

Well, are you gonna

answer me or not?

Seriously, Niko, I don't

know what your problem is.

(DOOR CREAKS OPEN)

Niko?

Niko?

(GLASS SHATTERS)

(SCREAMS)

(GAGS)

No!

No. No!

No. No!

(CHRISTMAS MUSIC)

(DOOR CREAKS OPEN)

(BELL CHIMES)

(CHRISTMAS MUSIC)

(CLATTERING)

Monica?

(THUMPING)

Martha, are you okay?

Monica, can you check

on your grandma for me?

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

Martha?

Martha?

(KNOCKS ON DOOR)

It's Eileen, are you okay?

Sweetheart, what's

going on with you?

(TENSE MUSIC)

(GROANS)

Oh my God, sweetheart.

Stay calm, stay calm.

It's alright, I'm gonna

go get you some help.

Just stay right there,

I'm gonna get you

some help, okay?

(SCREAMS)

(CHRISTMAS MUSIC)

(COUGHS)

Dude, you got some real ba*ls

smokin' that sh*t while

you're still on probation.

Oh, whatever, man.

It's like our last day.

It's cause to celebrate.

(BELLS CHIME)

Hey, there's Victoria.

Victoria.

Right on time, as usual.

Yeah, she's lame.

She's not lame. She's normal.

She's a sweet kid.

Dude, she's a f*cking

as*h*le. (LAUGHS)

Alright, alright, wrap it up.

Let's go. I don't wanna be late.

And the last thing

that I want to do

is two more weeks of this sh*t.

One pm, ladies.

Cutting it a little

close, don't ya think?

Look, can you cut us

some slack, it's Christmas.

Of course, merry

Christmas girls.

Now, it's freezing and

my aunt is really busy,

so, I'm gonna make this quick.

You ladies have done

a wonderful job.

I have had no complaints,

and that's huge.

You still have a job to do.

Only eight hours more

and your community

service will be done.

So, let's get in there and

give my aunt some help, okay?

(OVERLAPPING CONVERSATION)

Oh, would you look at that?

They really pulled out

all the stops this year.

I bet you that dollar

store made a k*lling

on all that tacky garland.

Stop it, Athena.

This is a homeless

shelter, not a drag show.

We'll see about that.

So, what am I doing?

Cooking, cleaning,

spoon feeding the old people?

What's my job?

PAULA: That's not up to

me, you have to ask Noelle.

Who's Noelle?

NOELLE: Merry

Christmas, everyone!

Question answered.

Oh, hi!

Hi!

Oh, girls, you have no idea

what your being

here means to us.

We're so excited.

Stop it, Athena.

Oh, what, look at

me. I'm so excited.

Now, come with me and I'll

give each one of you a task.

Oh, this is going

to be so much fun!

I just can't wait.

Have fun, ladies.

Aunt Nancy.

My baby, oh, it's

so good to see you.

BOTH: Merry Christmas!

Thank you.

Listen, Paula.

We really, really appreciate

you helpin' us out.

You're saving out butts.

Those extra hands are gonna

make a world of difference.

Well, they won't be the most

cheerful faces in the room.

But, they'll get the work done.

Speaking of,

I was wondering if you could

keep an eye on them for me?

I have a little

Christmas errand to run,

and I won't be long. I'll

be back before you know it.

Um, well, maybe.

I mean, I'll do what I can,

but, it's a madhouse out there.

They should be okay,

I don't see them getting

into too much trouble

at this point.

Okay.

Thank you!

- I'll be right back, okay?

- Okay.

Well, ladies, I'm sorry to say

there's just one last task and

it happens to be

the least glamorous.

As you can see,

we have lots of dishes

that need to be washed.

But, if you try to move through

them as quick as you can

and then we can move you

onto something less messy.

Okay?

Alright, so there's

sponges and there's soap,

and it looks like

you should be good.

Ladies, bless your hearts.

Such a big help.

You don't even know.

Okay, so, I'll be back soon.

Awesome.

Merry frickin' Christmas.

I'll scrape, you rinse?

Whatever, let's just

get this over with.

(CHRISTMAS MUSIC)

(OVERLAPPING CONVERSATIONS)

(COUGHS)

Alright, guys.

There's not a whole lot

of strawberries left,

so just take one, okay?

Yo!

I know you're homeless and sh*t,

but don't go gettin' greedy.

One each.

So, it's really cool

that your mom has your

back like she does.

I wish mine were like that.

First conviction, she was out.

Yeah.

I'm really grateful that she

understands the situation.

I mean, I think that she knows

that I wouldn't do

something like that.

But, I couldn't just let my

friend go down, you know?

She doesn't have anybody

to support her like I do.

You're a good kid, Victoria.

You definitely

don't belong here.

But, hey.

You put all this

sh*t behind ya today

and bounce back from it.

Unlike most of us.

Gracie, don't talk like that.

This doesn't have to

be your whole life.

You can change it if

you really want to.

Easier said than done.

Believe me.

Here, take these to Athena.

(TENSE MUSIC)

Mamma's thirsty.

Mamma's thirsty.

Mm, mm, mm.

I can't believe

we're doing this.

Oh, calm down.

It's not like we're

skipping class, Candace.

We're on probation.

For Christ's sakes.

The place was so busy that

nobody's gonna notice we're gone.

Honestly, Victoria,

it's perfectly fine.

We do this every

year. It's tradition.

Alright, ladies.

Bottom's up.

- Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas.

h*, h*, h*.

(LAUGHTER)

Mm.

Oh, you are just too slow.

Open up, there we go.

Like the Holland

Tunnel, come on.

Woo, that a girl.

Jesus.

Of all the bars, that

d*uche bag had to come here.

Jaxx, my friend

over here is thirsty.

She's parched, and she

needs a cold beverage ASAP.

Come on. Thank you.

We're gonna make you

one of the girls.

I got a whole bunch of drinks

lined up for you, yes I do.

Who's that b*tch

that he's with?

I'm gonna go talk to him.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,

wait a second.

Seriously, you wanna

go down that path?

Yeah, I do, just keep your

mouth shut, alright, Gracie?

I'll be fine.

Famous last words.

Excuse me, ma'am.

It's not polite to

glare at the customers.

Back off.

Babe.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

What's up?

Alone.

Harley, can you do us a

favor and grab us a few beers.

Sure thing, babe.

Babe?

What?

We're just chillin',

no big deal.

No big deal?

sh*t, I thought

we were on a break,

and you're out with

some little wh*re.

Look, Candace, you and I

both agreed we needed a break.

Take a break, not

see other people.

Your stripper drama

really gets to me, okay.

Oh, my stripper drama?

Yes, yours. Uh-huh.

You're a headcase, and

you're hard to deal with.

What did I do?

You're a headcase, do you hear

yourself talking right now?

- Donny.

- Look, look.

Can you just go.

You are so full of sh*t.

I think that's all

you ever do, Donny.

You just walk out all the

time, you're such an as*h*le.

Wait, wait, Donny. Donny,

please don't go yet.

Look, I'm sorry,

I'm sorry, okay.

I just don't wanna see

you out with other girls.

Well, I really wasn't

expecting to see you here.

I thought you had that

probation thing going on.

It's our last day, so

we're out celebrating.

Hey, I'm in the

middle of somethin'.

Can you talk with

your girlfriends?

Impressive.

You know how I roll, Candace.

All it takes it the

right incentive.

Stop.

You're just a frickin' drug

dealer with a big d*ck.

You know it.

Well, pretty soon I'm gonna

be a rich drug dealer.

What are you talking about?

Come on, I got you somethin'.

I feel so much better.

I bet.

Frickin' Jaxx is

tryin' to get you drink

and take advantage of you.

Are you ready, we

gotta go find Candace?

Who was that guy she was with?

Donny.

That d*uche bag is her

on-again off-again ex.

He's such an a-hole.

Then why is she

still with him?

Candace has daddy issues.

Most dancers do, kind of the MO.

She's a stripper?

We prefer dancer.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You're a dancer too?

At one time, yes. Not anymore.

I don't think I could

ever do something like that.

No offense, they

would eat you alive.

You are way too innocent.

(MOANING)

(SNIFFS)

(SNIFFS)

(COUGHS)

sh*t!

I gotta get back to the girls.

Really, six more hours

of this bullshit left

and then I'm done.

You need a lift?

Yeah, sure.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

Ladies, oh my goodness,

where have you been?

I've been looking

everywhere for you,

and where's your friend Candace?

Candace.

About Candace, actually,

she is in the bathroom.

She ate some of that meatloaf

that you've been serving,

and I just have the feeling like

it didn't sit with

her very well.

Yeah, she's been on the

pot for about 45 minutes.

And I actually think that she

might have the same problem,

that's why she can't stand up.

Oh dear, not another one.

Seems to be a trend today.

So, we're here.

What did you want us to do?

Right now, why

don't you just see

if you can find a way

to entertain the crowds.

I know, you could sing!

Sing?

Attention,

attention everybody.

Now, I know we're all

a little bit busy.

However, three of

our lovely workers

are here to help

spread the holiday joy.

So, everybody just

sit back and enjoy,

while they perform for

you a stunning rendition

of one of your favorite

Christmas carols.

What are we singing?

Well, the First

Noel of course.

Of course.

Ready.

The first noel

The angels did say

Was to certain poor shepherds

in fields as they lay

Hold the phone.

If we're gonna do this,

Mamma needs a little more tempo.

(HIP HOP MUSIC)

Kiss me underneath

the mistletoe

Bring all the things

that I ask for

'Cause I'm feelin'

really naughty tonight

Santa, baby can you get

me what I really need

I'll be the angel on top

of your Christmas tree

Uh-Oh, and I'm feelin'

really naughty tonight

Watch the ladies go

Jingle like that,

girl, jingle like that

Jingle like that,

girl, jingle like that

See me on top, baby

Say I'm not behaving

Jingle like that,

girl, jingle like that

Jingle like that,

girl, jingle like that

Sit on top, baby

Say I'm not behaving

La de da de da,

la de da de da

It's gonna be a

naughty Christmas

Have a naughty,

naughty Christmas

Have a naughty,

naughty Christmas

Everybody now

La de da de da,

la de da de da

It's gonna be a

naughty Christmas

Have a naughty,

naughty Christmas

Have a naughty,

naughty Christmas

I only got one

Christmas wish

To be the only

girl on your list

What is going on?

Now, stop this!

That'll be enough of this.

Oh my goodness.

That's enough.

Get off that stage right now.

Jingle like that,

girl, jingle like that

Jingle like that,

girl, jingle like that

Sit on top, baby

Say I'm not behaving

No point taking your

coats off, girls.

I need you to handle

the deliveries tonight.

Wait a second.

Don't you have to come with us?

I can't leave here like this,

I mean, look at this place.

I'm sure Paula will understand.

Okay, here's a list of names

and addresses for you, okay?

Try not to spend more than

a half hour at each house.

I mean, just plate up the

food and clean up a little bit

and then move onto

the next house.

Okay, we don't wanna be

serving these folks cold food.

You know?

Got it.

I have got to

get going, girls.

You'll be okay?

We'll be fine.

Alright, good. Thanks.

Angels we have heard on high

Sweetly singing

o'er the plains

And the mountains in reply

Echoing their joyous strains

Gloria

In excelsis Deo

Gloria

In excelsis Deo

Merry Christmas.

Alright.

(DOG BARKS)

Look.

The window.

She's watching us.

Actually, I think

that's our next stop.

(BELL CHIMES)

MRS. SMITH: May I help you?

Hi, Mrs. Smith?

We're from the church

down the street.

We're here with your holiday

dinner. You were on the list.

MRS. SMITH: List?

I don't know anything

about a list.

I've already eaten.

Oh, wait, honestly.

We have to spend at

least a half hour here.

It's part of our duties.

So, if there's

anything you need done,

cleaning or whatever,

we're just here to help.

MRS. SMITH:

It's getting late.

We'll only stay until

our ride gets here,

and then we'll be on our way.

It won't be long.

Honestly.

MRS. SMITH: You

said half an hour?

If that.

Come inside, it's

cold out there.

Thank you so much.

Jesus, it's cold.

Okay.

So.

Oh, here's your food.

Oh, thank you.

Put it in the kitchen.

You know, I heard

you singing outside.

I was wondering, could you

do a carol just for me?

Yeah, I think so.

Do you guys wanna

do Silent Night?

Oh, that's one of

my absolute favorites.

Okay, are you guys ready?

Okay.

Silent night

Holy night

All is calm

All is bright

Round yon virgin,

mother, and child

Holy infant so

tender and mild

Trapped in here

with your rue

Locked in the same room

Thank you, dear.

Would you like to try

me for some cocoa?

Okay.

I can't, I'm on a cleanse.

Excuse me?

Fine, I'll drink

your damn cocoa.

Language.

Great.

Well, I guess it looks like

we're gonna be staying

here for a while.

For sure.

Has anyone heard from Candace?

Whoa, I forgot about her.

No.

I'll just need to call her.

I got it.

Okay.

I'm on it.

Dude, you are really

tempting fate tonight.

You're so lucky

Paula isn't here yet.

You need to move your a*s.

I'll text you the address.

Hurry up.

Jesus.

You don't want your

cocoa to get cold, dear.

So, what kind of a boss

makes you work so late

on a Christmas eve?

Paula.

Our parole officer.

Parole officer?

Yeah, it's out last

night of community service.

That doesn't make your

efforts any less appreciated.

So, how's the cocoa?

It's delicious, thank you.

It's my own special recipe.

So, if you don't mind my asking,

tell me, what did you

do to get in trouble.

Oh, I got in trouble for

trying to suck a cop's d*ck

for cocaine.

Well, that would certainly

get you on the naughty list.

Honey, I am the naughty list.

That's not something

to be proud of, dear.

And what about you?

Are you as bad as your

flamboyant friend over there?

Theft.

I got caught shoplifting

at this new high

end store downtown.

I wasn't used to the layout.

I slipped up and I

got caught on that

stupid, high tech hidden camera.

I didn't get four

steps from that place

and those cops were

all over my a*s.

Pigs.

Naughty, naughty.

Thou shalt not steal.

But, I suspect that's

a verse in a book

you're not familiar with.

And what about you?

You don't look like the type

to be running with

this kind of people?

What kind of stupid

mistake did you make?

It's just that.

A stupid mistake.

We all make them, dear.

I guess so.

My friend and I,

we were coming home from

a party on the East Side.

She drove, but, by the end

of the night she was drunk.

I didn't wanna risk her

gettin' behind the wheel,

so, I took the keys away.

Only thing was,

I was three months out from

getting my driver's license.

I guess the cop that

was behind me knew.

He pulled me over and

asked me for my ID and

I just didn't know what to say.

Not to mention that I had

a couple drinks myself.

It's just not really

one of those things

you can talk yourself out of.

Well, I think what you

did was very admirable.

I'm sure you won't be on

the naughty list this year.

(SIGHS)

So, you have a

very beautiful home.

How long have you lived

here, like, 500 years?

Thank you. All my life.

Why do you ask?

No reason, I'm just

tryin' to make small talk.

It really is a lovely house.

You're just what I needed

on a lonely Christmas Eve.

You don't have anybody

to spend Christmas with?

No.

I never married and I have

no children or grandchildren.

It's just me.

And the cats.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

Oh, don't be.

Listen, if that offer

of help is still good,

I could really use some help

cleaning up around here.

My knees were so bad I

couldn't get the floors

the way I wanted to this year.

We'd be happy to help.

Please tell me you have a mop.

And a broom.

Ooh, I bet she even

flew in on it, huh?

This is not my life.

You girls are doing

a very nice job.

I really love your tree.

Thank you, it's meant

to be appreciated.

This is a really

interesting doll.

Oh, that's not a doll, dear.

It's a precious antique.

Do you have a lot

of old decorations?

I suppose, up in the attic.

I'd really love to see them.

Do you think that we could

put more decorations

on your tree?

Honey, I can't climb up all

those stairs to the attic.

That's okay, Gracie can do it.

Alright, I'll show

her where the attic is.

Jeez.

It's not that one, dear.

Well, you have

so many damn doors.

In my father's house,

there are many mansions.

Okay, listen, no

offense or anything,

but could you save

the scripture quotes

for your penuchle friends?

It's not that one either.

What is that smell?

My cat.

She died last week,

and I haven't been able to

give her a proper burial.

So, put her in the trash.

I never.

Okay.

The attic is over here.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

I'm not goin' up

there, it's dark.

Light switch is on the right.

Hello?

Hey, I found your bulbs.

Hey, somebody's up here.

I have your ba*ls.

Mrs. Smith, serious.

Hey.

Hello?

(KNOCKS ON DOOR)

Mrs. Smith, come on.

Athena, Victoria, I'm upstairs.

You guys, hey.

Mrs. Smith, come on, let me out!

Come on, this is not

funny, let me out of here.

Come on, let me out.

What the hell was that?

I don't know.

The door sticks sometimes.

Okay.

Well, I found your ba*ls.

Thank you.

Alright, selfie time.

My new best friend.

Oh, I love you so much,

you're so horrible.

I don't think you

should be touching that.

Take a photo of us,

and I'll put him down.

Athena, put the Santa down.

What is your problem

with me touching Santa?

Not that I have a problem

with you touching Santa.

But, if you drop

it and it breaks,

then you're destroying

a precious antique.

Photo.

Could you, please.

Like that?

Yeah.

Good light?

How do I look?

Great?

You know, if I did drop

this thing and break it,

I'd be doin' the

old woman a favor.

He's disgusting.

(PHONE RINGS)

Hello?

Yeah, I'm just packing

up the car now.

Why, is something wrong?

Well, you had someone

escort them, right?

No, they can't be left

alone unchaperoned.

If they get in trouble,

that could be on me.

I know, I know, I

shouldn't have left.

I was just trying to

do something nice.

Look, I'll be there in a minute.

Thank you for calling

me and telling me.

I'll see you soon.

(KNOCKS ON DOOR)

(BELL CHIMES)

MRS. SMITH: Yes?

CANDACE: Hi.

MRS. SMITH: You

must be Candace.

That's me.

I should've known

from the outfit.

Hello.

That would give it

away, wouldn't it?

Well, fa la f*cking la.

Donny Eight Ball.

Well, merry Christmas

to you too, Athena.

He's not gonna stay all night.

He's just coming in

to warm up, right?

Right?

Are you gonna go?

Yeah, of course.

May I get you a cup of cocoa?

(LAUGHS)

What's so funny?

Oh, well, no.

I mean, it's just been

a really long time

since anybody's

offered me cocoa.

(LAUGHS)

Can I talk to

you for a minute?

Oh, sh*t.

Jesus.

Look at me.

- Look at me.

- Alright.

Dude, you are high

as a kite right now.

I know.

What the hell

are you thinking?

You need to sober up right now,

because Paula is

on her way here.

You think she can tell?

Yeah. Go.

Go.

Get your hands off me.

Candace, go. You don't.

Bathroom?

First door on the left.

Thanks.

Hi, Paula.

Come in, we've got

a really cool lady.

I found you guys. Finally.

What is that?

Just a little h*, h*, h*.

Where are the other girls?

I don't know.

Mrs. Smith?

Paula, I want you to meet

the woman who lives here.

She's so sweet.

I just don't know

where she went.

Hey, Paula.

Hey, Gracie.

Where's Candace?

She spilled some

cocoa on her dress.

She wanted to get it

out before it stained.

Gracie, do you know

where Mrs. Smith went?

I have no idea. Maybe

she went upstairs.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

Hello, Candace.

Did you get the stain out?

Yeah, I think so. I'm good.

Well, listen. Now

that you all are here,

I just wanna get this over with.

I know this is the

complete opposite

of what I should

be doing right now,

but,

I really enjoyed out time

together, as I do every year.

And, even though this is

supposed to be a punishment,

I just wouldn't feel

right parting ways tonight

if I didn't give you

a little something.

You know, for the holidays.

I'm going to stop talking now.

Here.

I get way into the holiday.

I can't help it.

Merry Christmas, girls.

Oh, yes.

Oh.

No, seriously.

It's the first nice gift

I've received in a long time.

I love it.

PAULA: You must

be Mrs. Smith.

MRS. SMITH: Yes, and you?

I'm Paula. I'm the

girls' parole officer.

Being it's their last

day of probation,

I wanted to give them

their Christmas gifts.

I hope you don't mind.

No, of course not.

It's a very nice

necklace you have there.

Yeah.

It is nice getting a

gift from someone who's

not related to you.

I just like getting a gift.

One could only imagine.

May I get you a drink of water?

Yes, please, that

would be wonderful.

Baby.

Look.

What's wrong, Victoria?

I don't know, it's just that

Mrs. Smith was

just talking to us

about how she

didn't have anybody

to spend the holidays with, and

now that I think about it,

that probably means

that she doesn't have anyone

to give her a gift either.

I love the necklace,

Paula, it's beautiful.

I just feel guilty about

opening it in her house

without having something

for her as well.

Do you wanna run

out really quick

and grab a little

something for Mrs. Smith.

I'd love that, Paula.

Alright, well, let's do it

before she notices we've gone.

Alright, girls, you be good.

Bye, guys. We'll see you soon.

You are so lucky

Donny heard her coming.

If Paula would've

caught him here.

I know.

Donny, she's gone,

you can come down now.

Donny.

The hell is he doing up there?

I'm gonna go grab

him really fast.

Oh, Candace.

What?

That dead cat, first

door on the right.

Thanks.

I love Christmas.

It's just so

festive, so magical.

Yeah.

Christmas has been kind

of rough for my family

since my dad lost

his job at the mill.

We kind of stopped

celebrating Christmas.

We just couldn't afford it.

But, you get used to it.

I'm sorry, Victoria, I

didn't mean to bring it up.

No, no, it's okay. Honestly.

Gifts or not, I still

love this holiday.

It's not about the

presents anyway.

That's true.

But, it's always nice to know

that someone's thinking of you.

Yeah.

I know.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

Donny?

Donny?

Donny?

You in here?

- What is wrong with you?

- Sorry.

Jesus Christ.

Been walkin'

around this house.

You know, the lady

who owns this place?

I'm pretty sure she's nuts.

I heard her talkin' to

herself in the other room.

Yeah, there's something

not right about her.

Gracie told me that she's

got a dead, rotting cat

- up here somewhere.

- What?

Yeah, right.

That's weird.

- Batshit crazy.

- Yeah.

So.

Paula took Victoria to go

get that old lady a gift.

Really?

That was nice of her.

I thought so.

You know, that reminds

me of something.

What?

I got you a gift too.

You did?

And, what did you get me?

Close your eyes.

Let me guess. It's a

pair of panties, isn't it?

You know me too well.

I do.

Why don't you

slip them on for me?

Why don't you watch.

Ooh.

CANDACE: Do you like 'em?

Oh yeah.

(MOANS)

(ROCK MUSIC)

Silent night

Holy night

All is calm

All is right

Round yon virgin,

mother, and child

Holy infant so

tender and mild

Sleep in heavenly peace

Sleep in heavenly peace

Do you want me to

put this in the sink?

Oh, that would be great.

Thank you, dear.

Are you hungry?

What are you cookin'?

Soup.

Not bad.

b*tch is crazy,

but she can cook.

Grab a bowl.

So, what kind of soup

are you makin' anyway?

Oh, this, it's an

old family recipe.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Ow, ow, ow, ow.

MRS. SMITH: You can

clean up in the bathroom.

Everything okay?

I'll bring you something.

Give me the clothes.

I can put them in dryer. They'll

be ready in half an hour.

I'm so sorry.

Good timing.

Mama's gotta go shopping.

I thought she said she

didn't have any family.

Didn't you hear that noise?

Everything okay in there?

Sounds like you

had a little spill.

(MOANING)

Did you just come too?

Donny, you didn't pull out.

Yeah, I did.

You just came inside of me.

Donny, Jesus Christ, I'm

not on birth control.

You can't get me pregnant again.

Where'd I put that?

Come here.

Did you come, Donny?

Yeah, I did.

And I'll do it again.

She's gonna be forever.

(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)

(LAUGHTER)

(THUMPING)

Candace?

Everything okay?

(WATER DRIPS)

Oh, Santy Clause!

(LAUGHTER)

Baby, did you light

the candles for me?

That's really sweet.

I'm gonna borrow

your shirt, okay?

Do you have any more of that

sh*t from earlier that we did?

It was really good.

And I think we should

do some more of it.

Baby?

Donny, did you fall asleep?

(TENSE MUSIC)

Oh no.

(AX THUDS)

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

That's weird.

Okay. Coke is startin' to hit.

Oh.

Okay.

Okay.

Oh God.

I don't think this is coke.

Gracie?

(COUGHS)

Okay.

(GROANS)

(GAGS)

(GROANS)

Hello?

Hey, Mrs. Smith, are

my clothes dry yet?

Hello?

Hello?

Where the hell is everyone?

Athena?

Come on, you guys.

Where are you, seriously?

Athena, come on.

Athena.

Athena?

Athena?

Oh my God.

(COUGHS)

(AX THUDS)

I can't believe that I

found a jingle bell bracelet.

I didn't think they

made them anymore.

That's what I like

about that store.

You never know what

you're gonna find.

She has really unique stuff.

I always wanted

one when I was a kid,

but I knew better than to ask.

Well, now you have one.

And so will Dorothea.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

No.

No!

No!

No!

No!

(WHIMPERS)

Who's there?

I know what you did.

I know what you did.

You poisoned the soup.

You f*cking crazy b*tch,

where are my friends?

DOROTHEA: Let's

just say they're

not on the naughty list anymore.

You crazy, crazy

f*cking b*tch.

Let me go!

Wait.

DOROTHEA: Don't worry, dear.

It's Christmas.

I'm going to make you the

way you always wanted to be.

ATHENA: Get the

f*ck away from me!

Keep away from me!

No!

Guys!

Guys.

Paula!

Paula!

Call the police. Help!

We're back.

Guys?

Hello?

Guys?

Athena?

Candace.

Gracie?

I don't know where they went.

Maybe they're upstairs.

Ladies.

Mrs. Smith?

Hello?

Hello?

Where is everyone?

I have no idea.

You think they left?

They better not have.

And Dorothea left her

pots boiling on the stove.

That's not very smart.

No, it's not.

Did you shut the stove off?

Yeah, why?

I smell something burning.

Oh my God, what is that?

It smells awful.

Something's dead.

What?

Is it still right there?

Must be.

Paula?

Yes.

What is that?

Get behind me.

Hello?

Are you hurt?

You have a g*n, right?

No, no g*n.

You're a police officer.

Police officers have g*ns.

No, I'm a parole

officer. We get mace.

Well, get your mace.

Call 911!

(GAGS)

Don't come over here.

How long has she been dead?

(TENSE MUSIC)

Victoria, I said call...

Run.

Run!

Get out of the house!

(POUNDS ON DOOR)

Paula, the house is on fire!

Paula, the doors are

locked and I can't get out!

Paula, please hurry!

What are you doing here?

I told you to get

out of the house.

I didn't want to

leave here without you.

Get out of the house!

(GASPS)

(GASPS)

(AX THUDS)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMS)

(POUNDS ON DOOR)

(SOBS)

No.

No.

No!

I don't wanna leave you either.

No, I don't wanna

leave without you.

No, I don't wanna leave you.

No, no, no, no.

(SOBS)

Please, Gracie.

No.

She's right there.

Gracie.

Gracie?

Gracie, no!

No!

No, no, no, please

don't leave me here.

(SOBS)

No.

No!

No, no, no.

No, don't.

Stay away from me.

Stay away from me!

Leave us alone.

Stay away from us!

No!

Get away from us!

Go away!

Go away!

Leave us alone!

No!

Go away.

No!

Go away!

(THUDS)

No.

No!

ATHENA: Come on.

No!

Hey!

Hey, it's me. It's Athena.

It's Athena.

Hey, hey.

I got you. We gotta go.

Hey, the house is on fire.

We gotta go now.

I don't wanna

leave Gracie here.

Hey, Gracie's dead.

Gracie's dead, Victoria.

We've gotta leave.

Okay.

Come on.

Come on. Come on.

(TENSE MUSIC)

(FIRE CRACKLES)

(TENSE MUSIC)

(g*n FIRES)

Merry f*cking Christmas,

you crazy old b*tch.

Are you two alright?

Good, you're lucky. That's a

dangerous woman back there.

Or, at least she was.

Who was she?

Her name is Dorothea Krimble.

She escaped from a mental

asylum a few days ago.

But, not before she set

fire to the whole place.

There was so many

bodies that were burned,

that they didn't trace it to

her until a few hours ago.

They thought she had

perished in the fire as well.

She's been on the

run ever since.

Looks like she's been masquerading

as the original occupant.

Hold on, no offense,

I just need to know,

what the hell are you doing

here and why do you have a g*n?

I'm a police

officer, actually.

Surprised, right?

Anyway, I always pack heat.

I always say it's better

to be safe than sorry.

You two doin' okay.

You're good, right?

Okay.

Okay, I just need to sit tight.

I'm gonna go call for backup.

Okay?

(SIRENS WAIL IN THE DISTANCE)

VICTORIA: Can

we just go home?

(SCREAMS)

(ROCK MUSIC)

Whoa

You should feel

you're slippin'

You start to lose

your breath and

You come runnin' back to me

Start abusin'

what you're usin'

In the meantime losin'

What can you say?

Are you talkin' to me?

'Cause I can't hear you

when you're screamin'

Close the door

while you're leavin'

Are you talkin' to me?

You're a vision,

your addiction

Makes you wanna

get your fix and

You come runnin' back to me

Better slow down,

some would pay out

Now you're on your way out

Baby what, can you say?

Are you talkin' to me?