All I Want for Christmas (2021)

[bunniefuu]

Where could he be?

Peek-a-boo, I see you.

Okay.

The mantel?

This early on, I mean, come on,

it's a really obvious choice.

Don't you take
any pride in your work?

He sees you when you're sleeping,
he knows when you're awake.

He knows when you're not
doing your job.

So be better for goodness sake.

It's a lot more
complicated than that.

You're making a mockery
of the rest of us.

We work so hard
at the North Pole

and you're down here.

You little piece of...

You've been replaced.

Orders from the top.

You're done.

Bye.

Toodle-oo.

I didn't wanna have to do this.

All right, buddy, this is why
you're being replaced.

You're being insubordinate.

You keep misfiling
your paperwork.

Too many kids are ending up
on the wrong lists.

We're going automated, bub.

- Hey, uh...
- just fixing the tree.

Hey, you have a brother.

Frandy, right?

Yeah. So?

What's going on, Jax?

I-I-I don't know.

I thought I heard something.

Hey, sweetheart,
it-it's okay, don't be scared.

I work for Santa.

Am I dreaming?

No, but I wish I was.

And, yes, Santa is real.

Although, you're not gonna remember that
after I leave tonight.

- What are you doing here?
- It's Christmas Eve.

Oh, I know.

My elf?

Hey, I heard that.

You're lucky, she can't.

This is why
you're all being recalled

and I have to spend
my Christmas Eve doing it.

Do you know how many more
stops I have after this?

Like six billion over/under.

Yeah, this is my night, kid.

Why are you
telling me all of this?

Honestly, I just needed somebody

that's actually
going to listen to me.

This is a thankless job.

Hey, shut it!

I'm a retriever.

Santa isn't perfect,

and sometimes
we have to recall things.

Tonight, it's those clowns.

- Hey, watch it, buddy!
- Shh!

Don't wake up my mom and dad.

Merry Christmas.

BUB? A robot?

They're replacing those things.

- Yeah, that's right.
- You heard me.

They're replacing you,
you're out of here, buddy.

All of you
and your slacker friends.

Wait, elves are real?

Real slackers.

Yes, they're real.

And, as you know,
their job is to keep an eye out.

Take a nightly watch
and report back to the North Pole

and tell us who's on
the naughty and nice lists.

I always thought they were
just some doll.

That's what they
want you to think.

Problem is, they don't always
come back on time,

and when they do,
they sometimes bring bad intel.

And we have nice kids that are
ending up on the naughty list

and naughty kids that
are getting on the nice list.

Santa is replacing all of these
elves with BUBs.

And maybe then we can get
some dependable information, unlike some people.

Wow, this is all real.

These BUBs have satellite linkups,
so they never lose power.

They're cute as a button,

and honestly,
I like them better than elves.

Anyway,
thanks for listening, kid.

I can see why
you're on the nice list.

I swore I heard her
talking to someone.

She was probably just
talking in her sleep. Come on.

We have a long day tomorrow.

A toy robot
from like 2005 or something.

And a football.

Who's gonna teach us
to throw that?

- We can teach each other.
- I saw it on TV.

They throw it
kinda like a rocket.

We must be on the naughty list.

But we're good kids.

- I know.
- We do everything Mommy says,

we get good grades,
and we never get in trouble.

We gotta figure out why.

There are a lot of things
I want too, Jax.

You needed clothes.

You can't wear
a PlayStation to school.

I know. lt's not you, Mom.
It's Santa.

It might have
slipped Santa's mind.

Working overtime, double shifts,

a single parent,
paying the bills,

making sure you guys are fed.

What do we do wrong?

Let me see that thing.

That thing is creepy.

No, he's not.

Creepy.

Thanks for getting him for me.

I didn't get him for you.

I'm a college student.

I live off of noodles and water.

I can't afford that.

Can take me to Go 'N Bananas?

Not today.

But I can take you
later this week.

BUB!

BUB.

BUB!

Did Alex get you for Christmas?

Did Santa bring you to me?

Is Santa real?

Sorry, Gus,
it's that robot my mom got me.

Hey, BUB, please go to sleep.

Why don't you just turn him off?

He doesn't have
an off button or an on button.

I even put him back in his box one time
and he got out.

- I swear
- Okay, back to the plan.

We'll meet at
ten in the morning.

And trust me, he'll be there.

Oh...

Well, it took you long enough.

What, the walk from
three stores down k*ll you?

I should've been Santa.

No, you should have
graduated high school.

Then you wouldn't have to
have a job dressed like that.

I should have been Jeff Bezos,
or... whatever his name is.

Life is unfair.

Where's Rabbit and Ollie?

Out there doing their thing.

Okay, well,
I can't get on the WIFI.

I can.

What's the password?

What's the password?

What's the password?

Hey, kid, what's the WIFI password
for this place?

There is no WIFI password,
it's free.

Time to hit
the old folks home, Santa.

It's free WIFI.

It's free WIFI.

Rabbit, cameras working?

Rabbit, is our guard buddy here?

Hey!-

Dude, what the heck was that?

- Dude, you scream like a girl.
- That's sexist.

- Alright, cancel me.
- Actually, I'm sure that'd probably work.

Ah, our
guard buddy's approaching.

- Ollie, get in there.
- Do your thing.

- I know what I need to do.
- You get us to phase two.

Okay.

- Alright, yeah, I'll do that.
- I'll get to phase two.

Only two in the ball pit
at a time.

- I got it.
- I got it.

- No, I got it.
- I got it.

I certainly got it.

- Goodbye.
- Have a good time.

- We will.
- Okay.

See you later.-

We won't.

Here we go.

That doesn't look like
the real Santa Clause.

It doesn't have to be
the real Santa.

- We all know he's got helpers.
- So, what's the point?

Look, we hold that guy
and his big foot elf hostage

to get the real
Santa's attention.

Then we try to convince him
to take us off the naughty list.

That's the point.

You guys in or what?

Okay, place closes in an hour.

Let's go.

I don't want to be here all day.

It's fun.

Not as fun as texting.

You know, I don't have to
take you at all.

Why did you bring that?

It's not like
you can take it inside.

Why not?

Because...

- Just don't be a baby.
- Leave it in the car.

No! BUB goes where I go.

He's one of a kind.

Santa brought him to me.

Someone told me that.

There you go.

It's not what I ordered.

That's what your mama said.
Just eat it.

What happened to him?

He's fine. He's fine.

Ollie delayed the guard.

Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

That right there's
a Hank high-five.

Alright, so what about
the security guard?

Did you anesthetize him?

Is he inoculated?

This is diet.

- Yeah, so?
- I hate diet soda.

Well, maybe you should
stop hating it.

Now, can we get back
to the plan?

It's almost closing time.

It ain't right.

What-what-what's not right?
The time?

- The soda.
- Isn't there hot chocolate?

For the love of everything
that is holy...

could you just shut up
about the soda?

Can you do that?

I'll try.

Thank you.

Okay.

Now, Rabbit and Ollie,

they're gonna be in charge
of the security office, okay.

I'm just saying...

No, no, no. You know what?

I'm just saying!

As soon as this is over,
I swear to God,

you buy all
the non-diet soda you want.

As far as I'm concerned,
you could drown yourself in Big Gulps!

But for right now, just this
tiny little window of time,

this sliver of a moment,

could you shut up
about the soda?

- Yeah.
- -So we can at least finish phase one planning.

- Can you do that for me?
- Sure.

- Thank you.
- Go ahead, boss.

- What?
- Nothing.

No, there's something.

I'm good.

Christ's sake, it's the last time
I get help off Craigslist.

Alright...
I'll tell you something,

when the cell phone jamming...

Diet soda's no healthier
than regular soda,

- still spikes your pancreas.
- I... will kick your pancrea...

- Hey, Santa.
- Yeah.

How long you stayin'?

How you doin'? Yeah, no...

It's, uh... Stand up.

- What's, uh...
- We-we-we-we-we...

we leave when, uh,
you know, the place is closed.

We stay till...
Why you-you want a picture?

I'm leaving early today.

Why?

Look at me,
I'm covered in pee-pee water.

Ralph, you're a valued member...

Don't... Let your super top
crazy security software system

close up for the night.

Hey, boss, we're having
a security software issue.

Good luck with that.

Oh, my God, it's Justin.

Justin who?

From my Bio class.

- Alex, hey.
- Hey.

- Hi.
- She's babysitting me.

- Cool.
- Cool.

Cool.

Yeah.

Cool, well,
I'll see you in class.

Uh... see ya.

"Cool, cool."

That was an actual conversation?

Come on.

Alex, come on, you can
look for jobs another time.

- Hello.
- Who is this speaking?

- I don't know.
- I can't see you.

This is
the Go 'N Bananas manager.

Who is this?

The Go 'N Bananas manager.

What you just told me.

What extension is this?

How many guesses do I get?

Listen, what is this all about?

I don't know, you started it.

I want to speak to Ralph,
my security guard.

Why didn't you say so
in the first place?

Where's the guard?

Only he should be
using this line.

Trust me, it's not your best.

You were right.

You can't just leave him here.
He's yours.

Santa gave him to you, right?

Keep him.

Is Santa real, Alex?

It's Justin.

Justin-time.

What?

Attention patrons,

we'll be closing
in five minutes.

Please make your way
to the front door.

Okay, it's on.

- Did you see that elf?
- He's huge!

How are we taking
that lumberjack down?

Working on it.

But if we do that,
won't Santa be upset with us?

He's already upset with us
for some reason.

We're trying to fix that.

Guys! Get in here!

What happened in here?

I don't know, toilet exploded.

That's a real taser g*n.

- No way.
- Way.

It's one of those new ones.

It shoots darts.

But no cables or wires.

My dad was talking about them.

They're awesome!

You and your dad
talk about taser g*ns?

Guys, this is my plan...

The store's closing up,
little girl.

Thank you all for coming.

See you here next time.

Are you a real elf?

I sure am.

Did you want to get a picture?

No thanks.

I just have a question
for Santa.

Come on, sweetie, the place
is about to close down.

Don't you... don't you
have school or something?

- It's a Saturday.
- Right. Right.

Okay, well, climb up here,
let's get started.

That's okay, I'll stand.

So, uh, what-what can Santa
do for you?

I know you're not
the real Santa.

Is that right?

So what's your point?

Do you work for the real Santa?

What do you want me
to tell you, huh?

You want to hear he's real?

Okay, he's real.

I just want to know the truth.

The truth, huh.

Let me give you
a few words of advice, huh.

The only person
you need to believe in is you.

The only person
I believe in is me.

The only one
I look out for is me.

The only one I care about is me.

And when you grow up
to be a big little girl

don't rely on a boyfriend,
don't rely on a husband,

don't rely on your family
and certainly don't rely on your friends.

Because when the chips are down
and you really need them,

not a single one of them
will be there for you.

Thanks.

Any time, kid.

Hey, little girl.

Cash money, kid.

You take that
to the bank and cash it.

Merry belated Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Ollie.

Ollie, come in, it's Rabbit.

- Everything's good in here.
- How's it looking out there?

I'm a little tied up
right now, but it's fine.

Just do your computer magic.

Rabbit.

Rabbit!

I'm looking at
a hot girl, Rabbit.

A real one!

But guess what I got;

g*ns, Rabbit, big g*ns.

Copy, good buddy.

Logan?

Oh, I hate my life.

How did I blow it
for the hot girl?

Well...

I don't have to
worry about that, I guess.

Because in ten hours
I'll be rich.

James, stop this crazy thing!

Oh, my God.

I'll never find her in here.

Logan!

Logan!

Hello?

Hello?

How could there be no service?

Alex, are you in there?

Alright, who's first?

It isn't a package deal.

Which one of you
wants to go first?

I don't think we should.

Don't sh**t.

What are you doing with...

- What about my jacket?
- Let's go!

What the...?

Yes!

It worked!

Why are they locked?

Let's go!

What is going on here?

So, there's kids, I...
Do you know who they are?

I think they
did something to Santa.

- What?
- -I don't know, but it didn't sound good.

I think they go
to my school or something.

We just moved here.

- No cell service.
- What?

We're dead zoned.

I-I can't call,
I can't text, nothing.

What are we gonna do?

I mean,
how do I call the police?

Calm down, Alex,
they're just kids.

Or are you afraid
because you can't text Justin?

What are you talking about?

How long did it take you
to realize I was gone?

Logan, I...

Everybody,
cell service is jammed,

the doors are locked.

We are a go for phase two.

Gentlemen,
we are ready to get rich!

What's... what's going on?

What's happening?

Is that drool?

I think so.

Somebody get this guy
a drool cup.

What is that?

It's a cup he can drool in.

That's what you wanted, right?

I said give him a cup,
not tape it to his face.

Yeah!

- What the...
- No swearing.

Or else you'll end up
on the naughty list with us, "Santa".

Right.

Where the hell did you kids
get a stun g*n?

- Doesn't matter.
- We got it, okay.

- Yeah.
- -And now we want the real Santa's attention.

What?

They said
they have our attention,

and now they want
Santa's attention.

Can-can you kids
subtitle the fat one?

You guys work for Santa, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean,
we all know you're fake. Right?

Right.

Whatever you say, kid.

You wanna untie me?

What are you doing with...

Oh, God!

Oh, no.

You have a list, we do too.

How old are you kids, huh?

h*-h*-h*.

"Dear Santa..."

"We will make this short.

I am Jackson "Jax" Weiss,

and my brother Frandy,
and friend Gus Hall,

would like to please be removed
from your naughty list.

We are not bad kids and must've ended up
on your list by mistake.

For the last two years, me and my brother didn't get
a single thing we asked for.

And, Gus, well, he asked for some pretty expensive things,
but he didn't get them either.

So we'd really appreciate it
if you'd reconsider

and switch us
to the nice list, sir.

My brother and I,
we lost our dad two years ago,

and I know you
got us a football,

but Frandy's just not big enough
to throw it with me yet."

Yes, I am.

"Anyway, we're not bad kids,

and Gus can be
pretty okay sometimes, too."

- No, he can't.
- What do you mean?

Shut it.

"So we're giving this letter
to your helper,

and I will hold him here
until we hear from you.

Sincerely, us good kids,

Jax, Frandy, Gus."

Well, we got us a pint-sized
Hans Gruber here, don't we?

Who's that?

So, let me
get this straight, kid.

You-you-you kidnapped
Santa's helper.

So how do you propose
on getting a letter to Santa?

He's an elf, is he not?

You really believe that,
don't you?

Yeah.

God bless common core.

We just can't
stay here all night.

We sure can.

We have to call the police
or something?

Kids can't shut down
the cell service and lock doors.

These BUBs have satellite linkup
so they never lose power.

- BUB.
- What?

BUB! Maybe he can get through.

Shame you dropped him off
at the gift store.

- I'll go get him.
- No!

We're staying right here.

We don't know what's
going on out there.

Ollie, what's Hank
and Joe's status?

I'm in this ball pit.

Remember, the games

can turn on randomly.

Can you stop calling me!-

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Uh, hey, Ollie.

Uh, got a little bit
of a situation here.

Uh, the access is small.

Uh, like, really small.

So, you're gonna
set the elf free,

to take the letter to Santa?

Yeah. Will you do it?

Sure.

- Can I get a pony, San...
- Get off of me!

Okay, so Rabbit got the cell phone jammers working,
and the doors are locked,

so we're cut off,
which is good, right?

And we found the access point
in the laser tag area,

- just like you said.
- Ollie...

But it's bit small,
so there's no way tubby the elf

- over here is getting in there.
- Hey!

But we really need to get
into that vault, and I got g*ns.

- Ollie.
- Big g*ns.

- Ollie, shut up!
- Okay, okay.

That guy is weird.

Who are these kids?

What happened to you?

Not again.

I'm never having kids.

What's this guy talking about?

And who's Rabbit?

How much do you kids weigh?

That's kinda personal.

They're the perfect size.

Well, you see, kids,

Santa has more than just me
and, uh, the-the elf here.

I mean, I have kids
like you all the time.

Oh, it's a big job dealing with all wish lists
and things like that, right.

And you kids, you know,
you're all technological wizards

unlike myself, you know.

Yeah, man, you're an oldie.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- But a goodie.

You don't need to
keep us tied up.

Come on.

And what would you say
if I told you

I could get Santa
on the line right now,

and then take all three of you

for little post-Christmas
shopping spree,

right here at the gift shop,
huh?

What's the catch?

How do you
feel about small spaces?

Huh?

Okay.

So load up
whatever you can carry.

And it's no problem
'cause I got a van outside.

Afterwards, put it all in the van,
give you a ride home.

You want us
to get into a van with you?

Well, not now, but later, yeah.

It's a really nice van.

Whoa!

And no BUBs!

Okay, have at it.

You know,
take whatever you want.

And just know, Santa's down.

He's totally,
totally cool with it.

What about the alarms?

Oh, we disabled the alarms.

What-what-what he means

is that we used
Santa magic, alright.

Elf magic to disable the alarms.

We gotta, you know, do that when you're
working with Santa, right?

But the shop knows about it.

We got to deal with them, so...

Like with the squirrels
and the pigeons.

Wait-wait-wait, what-what
what squirrels and pigeons?

My dad says that people
have deals with squirrels and pigeons.

They don't wreck things for us,
and we don't run over them.

Right.

Well, then...

What's up with you two?

Go! Get all the toys
you ever dreamed about.

You didn't call Santa.

No, he didn't.

What?

Yeah, I did.
I totally called Santa.

- I saw you.
- When?

Actually, uh,
I just shot him a text.

Let me see. I mean,

how will we know if we're off
the naughty list or not?

Because I'm giving
you two my word.

Okay?

Where is he going?

Bathroom!

This is fine.

- This is fine.
- Everything's okay

because it's all good
and it's all right.

Rabbit, Rabbit, listen.

- Do you copy?
- Copy.

Okay, when Hank walkies,
pretend to be Santa.

Wait, what?

- I don't...
- What do you mean?

Rabbit...

I don't... Rabbit.-

- I don't...

Listen!

Listen, when Hank walkies,
pretend to be Santa.

h*-h*-h*, Santa here.

How's it going down there, Hank?

So, uh, listen, Santa,
if you could do me a solid, just take, uh...

uh, Jax, Frandy and Gus

off that naughty list,
that-that-that would, uh...

I could take them
off the naughty list, of course.

- Off the naughty list.
- Yeah, that'd be... that'd be...

- That'd be great if you could do that for me.
- Yeah.

- I say let them get whatever they want.
- -This is still stealing.

No, it's not... it's not...

- It's not stealing.
- -I'm sorry for the error, my bad.

Oh, that-that-that...
That is amazing.

Hey, Santa, I appreciate it.

All right, take care.

Ah, good list. No naughty.

Yeah? What do you say?

So...

- Anything you want.
- Something's not right here.

Santa wouldn't okay this.

What are you talking about?

- It's stealing.
- Yeah, it is.

Kid, you heard me on the phone
with Santa himself.

He gave you the all clear,
you heard that, right?

- Then that wasn't the real Santa.
- -No, it wasn't.

Alright, you know what,
I don't have time for this.

I didn't want it
to come to this.

- But you know, what...
- -Geez, Hank, you get more with honey than vinegar.

This is as real
as Santa gets.

How about that, huh?

Ollie, you got the bag
full of big g*ns

in case this isn't enough incentive
to make them listen to me?

We have an understanding now?

Okay, you know what,
the deal is off.

You three are coming with us.

You're gonna do us
a little favor,

and maybe, just-just maybe...

you do a good job
you get to go home afterwards.

What do you
think about that, huh?

Oh, Santa baby!

Alright. Little rascals,
let's move it.

Laser tag area, now.

Sorry.

- That's a real g*n.
- That's not a stun g*n.

- We gotta get out of here.
- Come on.

Come on.

There's gotta be
a way outta here.

Can't we just break the glass
on the front doors?

With what?

Still no service.

Are you serious?

We can't run.

We have to help those kids.

It's the right thing to do.

They have a g*n.

What do we have?

They took them into laser tag.

Hey, BUB. I'm sorry.

Can you help us?

Why'd you do it, kid?

Our dad taught us
to stand up for ourselves.

Yeah, and he didn't raise
no naughty list kids.

Shh! Get over here.

Okay, you two, come on...
Come on... come on...

Walk.

- Okay.
- You three against the wall, and do not move.

What on earth took you so long?

And where's Ollie?

But I'll tell you something,
when I get my hands on him...

Please, tell him why we're here.

Well, as expected...-

they just paneled over it.

They never closed it off,
just like your guy said.

What's down there?

Well, that's a great question,
my elven friend,

Please, Rabbit,
do you want to explain?

Rabbit, as like, bunny rabbit?

That's Easter.

Let's focus on Christmas,
can we?

If I can give everybody
a little bit of a history lesson:

Go 'N Bananas and laser are
being rebuilt over an old bank.

They demolished
the actual building,

but they left
the underground vault intact

in the limestone caves.

Dude, I just saw
the hottest girl.

Dude, I know, I saw her
on the monitors.

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

- Zip it.
- Yeah, yeah.

I've lived here all my life,

I've never heard
anything like that.

If everything about the map
and the stories are true,

then there should be
some left over cash, some silver...

I don't know, maybe a little bit
of gold for us.

Well, what if there isn't?

- Yeah.
- Then you all go to jail broke.

We're not going to jail.

- Then what do you need us for?
- What are we doing here?

Well, you see
the size of that hole?

Does it look like
we can fit in that hole?

But you three can, can't ya?

You three are gonna
go down there.

There should be
a power box though.

Open it, throw the switch,

and it should open
the access for all of us.

Yeah, I don't think so.

Really? Because me and my friend
here, well, we think otherwise.

Breaking out the big g*ns.

Huh?

Yeah, man, got 'em with my
five-finger discount.

That's not even a real g*n.

Yeah, it's an unloaded
CO2 pellet g*n.

I... the cartridge
goes in the butt.

I can see it's empty.

Okay, well, you know what?

There's three of us,
and we're big.

Come on, kids.

- Come on.
- You too?

It'll be okay.

Get going.

It's dark in here.

Get ready.

Don't these robots
have flashlights?

Hey, inside.

h*-h*-h*.

They're up there.

Listen.

That's them alright.

I hope it's not too late.

What are we gonna do?

Leave it to BUB.

A guy that big
doesn't suddenly vanish.

Pinocchio.

And I tell you, that fatty
didn't fit in that hole.

Uh, Hank, uh,
how well do you know Joe?

Like a week. You know, put an ad on the Craigslist
thing, he answered, right.

So your map guy
didn't recommend him?

Where is this going?

Okay, let me get this straight,

this guy's a stranger,
and you told him everything.

We need him
to open the vault. Ah.

- Oh, my Lord.
- We're gonna go to jail.

- Nah, prison.
- It's a federal crime, so it'd be prison.

Quiet.

Shh.

Whoa.

There have to be
millions in there.

- How do you know?
- It's old.

Whoa, you could lock
Godzilla in there.

How do we get access?

Well, we need to
find that thing...

What did that Rabbit guy
say it was? Um...

You know what,
just give me the phone.

- Hello up there.
- This is down here.

Copy.

Copy? Copy what?

Copy. Like, I copy.

Copy what?

It just means I heard you.

Yeah, exactly.

Why didn't you just say that?

I did. What's the deal?

I don't know, you started it.

Look, is Joe down there?

Joe? Joe, who?

The elf. Joe, the big elf.

Why would he be down here?

The elevator.

Isn't that what you
need us to jump start, right?

Look, did you
find the power box?

That's why I was calling you.
There's a whole bank down here.

And you morons think it's just a vault,
but it's a whole bank.

Then what I heard is true.

The whole reason we're here

is because the janitor,
who used to work here,

an old drinking buddy of mine...
Don't judge.

He told me that the owner
of Go 'N Bananas

built the laser tag arena
right over this bank,

because one day he wanted to
drill down into that bank

without anybody knowing.

Said he's gonna
guide us through it.

Don't I feel so much better?

Copy.

Okay, BUB, you all set?

I'm sorry
I left you in the store.

I got mad when Alex
said there was no Santa.

Oh, wow.

I got a really bad
feeling about this.

Get that elevator working, now.

This thing loaded?

I hope so.

They're coming out of the walls.

What?!

Give me one of those g*ns.

Is that the cops?

Sounds like a video game.

We should probably
get back up there.

I gotta g*n!

It's-it's like
a grenade launcher.

And I got another g*n,
too, it's a... g*n.

- I did time...
- in the military.

I did two tours
when we were in...

You know, doing w*r and stuff.

You mess with the bull,
you get the...

Stop it!

Yoo-hoo!

Robots...

I just peeked over
and I've seen that you're robots!

Which means you're electric.

I got cups of water up here!

I got one!

Where is this guy?

Oh, my God, Hank!

Whoa.

Who is that?

Hot girl.

We need to get upstairs
to the police.

No, we have to help those kids.

Logan!

What was that?!

Marines, we are leaving.

I think I'll fit.

I'm a size zero.

Yeah, right.

Were you looking up my skirt?

Stupid.

Alright.

All clear.

Well, now that
the g*ng's all here,

let's get back to business,
shall we?

I don't know
who that was up there,

but they ain't get down here.

All... our money problems
are over.

- Wait...
- Not you.

Just those two.

I don't care about the money.

But we had a deal.

You said you'd get us
on to the good list.

- I heard you say it.
- I didn't say it. That...

We didn't shake on it.

That's dirty.

This deal just gets us deeper and deeper
on to the naughty list.

What the...

Who are you?

Well?

Well, I think that should do it.

You think?

Uh... I mean,
those are the locks.

That's enough C-4 to break
off the locks, so...

Yeah, I think that's enough.

You better pray for your think.

A robbery?

That's what this is about?

Why don't you
pipe down there, missy.

Let's get to it, Rabbit.

Rabbit?

It's my nickname.

Just where are we supposed to go
when this thing blows?

I mean, you do know it's gonna
blow our ears out, right?

Shut your cornhole, alright.

He's right. lt will.

We can hide
behind that thing, okay.

How about we just go upstairs
and blow it up from there?

- Not with those tiny terminators up there.
- I'll tell you that much.

- Rabbit, where's the remote?
- You got the remote?

Um... maybe a slight
problem with that.

I may or may not have
forgotten mostly everything.

Uh... the wires,
the detonators, the remote.

Everything.

Rabbit, tell me
you didn't forget the remote.

Um...

Tell me you didn't
forget the remote.

Don't tell me
you forgot the remote!

Don't tell me
you forgot the remote!

Sir...

Sad Santa, sir,

I think I can help you.

You do?

But if I do,

you gotta give half of
whatever's in that vault to me

so I can give it to charity.

Charity, huh?

You're already gonna steal it,

you might as well let us
do something good with it.

Okay, kid.

We'll even shake on it.

That's a good handshake, kid.

You know something,

doesn't matter
what you give to charity.

You're not gonna
get on the good list.

I spent the first half
of my life

doing nothing but good things.

I never once saw the good side.

Naughty list my whole life.

At least I have something
I still believe in.

Yeah, kid.

- So, what's your plan?
- One shot left.

It zaps the plastic expl*sives
and cracks your safe.

How do you know that?

- I saw it on Fortnight.
- I told him.

You know,
in-in theory it can work.

Yeah... and we got
no other choice.

Okay.

Who's going to pull the trigger?

Because somebody's got to.

Somebody's gotta
walk up there close,

and they gotta be
a good shot. What...

I'll do it.

You'll be k*lled.

Maybe not.

Impressed?

That's one of those things.-

Be careful.

What are you doing?

Whoa! Whoa-whoa, kid!

I missed.

Where's the kaboom?

Thought there would be a kaboom.

Is that Joe?

- Joe...
- what are you doing in there?

And why-why are you
dressed like that?

I told you I'm San...

h*-h*-h*!

That looks like Joe the elf.

I think we've heard enough
from him for one day.

So, like, are you really Santa?

I am Jax.

Sorry for tasing you, Santa.

And I apologize to you,

and Gus and Frandy, and honestly,
a lot of other kids.

You see, I wasn't too happy
with the elves on the shelves

because of their bad reporting
and their mix-ups.

So I replaced them with...

Hey, that's my BUB!-

Figured I would move into
the 21st century.

My worker elves got to work.

I think the trial was a success.

But you were gonna
rob the vault.

Actually, no.

I've been watching Hank there
for some time.

And since I had
a bit of free time,

I thought I'd go undercover
and see how this all played out.

Jax, I am so proud of you.

I'm proud of all of you.

Even you, doubting Alexandra.

My list is corrected, and even had you
been on the naughty list,

your actions during this
little excursion

showed who you really are.

- Well, I guess it's time.
- Take good care of BUB.

And remember, he sees you
when you're sleeping,

and he knows when you're awake.

Good morning.

Hey!

- I...
- Hey!

Hey.

Um...

it's just a little something
Santa wanted to send you.

You know, for your troubles.

Oh, it's got that...
It's got two screens.

I-I-I even brought,
you know, headphones, and...

after everything I did,
you know,

Santa put me
on the naughty list, so...

He said, I gotta do this job for a bit
to get back on the good side.

You're gonna be doing this
for a long time.

Yeah, probably forever.

Yeah. You're probably right.

Well, merry belated Christmas.

Hey, Mr. Hank, you know
how to work this thing?

What video games?

No, you know, I... for me,
pretending to do something

was never as fun
as actually doing it, you know.

Not that. This.

Yeah, football.

You know how to throw it?

Are you kidding me?

I played that game
since I was six years old.

Will you teach us?

- Both of you?
- Yes.

Yeah, I kinda figured
you two were a package deal.

We are.

- Yeah. Yeah, I can teach you.
- Tomorrow?

Yeah. Yeah, I can
come back tomorrow.

You promise?

Yeah, kid, I promise.

Okay, I guess...
I guess I deserve that.

- What, you too?
- Package deal.

Okay.

I guess we found
our quarterback, didn't we?

You know, I'm-I'm...

I'm supposed to
flash you with this,

but, uh, you know,
Santa's orders.

But if I do, you're not
gonna remember anything

when I come back tomorrow
to play football.

So what, uh...

What do you say if
I accidentally forget to flash you,

and we just
keep that between us?

Between us.

You two go to bed now.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Hey, Mr. Hank.

- Yeah?
- Thank you.

You're welcome, kid.