06x06 - The Father

[bunniefuu]

♪

♪

Huh?

[ Trap clacks ]
Aah!

Hmm. "Hit the rat
three times to get in."

[ Squeak! Squeak! Squeak! ]

Dad, you made it!

Uh, yeah.

There's food, right?

Together:
Happy Vermin Man Day!

Happy what, now?

Together:
Grandpa Frankie!

Oh, hey, kids.

Uh...Nicole,
these are for you.

Oh. Thank you.

"You'll always be alive
in our hearts...

Great-Aunt Petunia."

Sorry. I couldn't find one
that said "Nicole."

Especially not
in the dark.

Who invited him?

Me! It's a proper
family get-together.

You're late, Dad.
You almost missed the song.

Well, at least
I'm here now.

[ Whispering ]
And if anyone asks,

I was also here Thursday night
between 8:00 and 11:00.

[ Laughter ]

Come on, kids. All together now
for the Vermin Man song!

♪ Here he comes,
the Vermin Man ♪

♪ He's always ready
with a trick or a scam ♪

♪ With his one black eye
and his pointed nose ♪

♪ And an outfit
straight from '80s cop shows ♪

♪ He's a liar and a rogue
and a sponger and a thief ♪

♪ He'll take away your happiness
and fill you full of grief ♪

♪ Here he comes,
the Vermin Man ♪

♪ He's always ready
with a trick or a scam ♪

[ Boing! Boing! Boing! ]

♪ He's a no-good husband
and a deadbeat dad ♪

♪ If he disappeared for good,
then we'd all be glad ♪

♪ His face is gross,
his manner is brash ♪

♪ If you split him
down the middle ♪

♪ All you'll find is trash ♪

♪ Here he comes,
the Vermin Man ♪

♪ He's always ready
with a trick or a scam ♪

Where's the candy?
There isn't any.

Just garbage to symbolize

how rotten the Vermin Man is
on the inside.

♪ Got a hole for a soul
and a heart like a Kn*fe ♪

♪ He let down
his child and wife ♪

♪ Never, ever marry him,
he'll ruin your life ♪

♪ The Vermin Man ♪

♪ He's always ready with a trick
or a lie or a con or a hustle ♪

♪ Or a hoax or a fraud
or a racket or a sham ♪

♪ Or a diddle or a fiddle
or a scaaaam ♪

[ expl*si*n ]

Well, it wasn't about me.

Yeah, I know.
I get the hint.

Don't worry, Dad.

The Vermin Man
isn't about you.

It's a tradition
as old as time.

Mom said it started when the
Pilgrims first came to this land

and they were all abandoned
by their deadbeat father.

You know -- the British.

Mm, no, son.

I think it was probably
invented by your mom.

'Cause she can't stand me.
-I invented it

to distract our son
from remembering

the date
you walked out on us...

and, yes,
because I can't stand you.

I'm sorry, Richard.

I shouldn't have come.

I can't make up
for what I've done to you.

I've missed too much.

♪

Has he gone?

The lousy bum
stole my wallet!

♪

Oh, this is bad.

What can we do
to cheer him up?

Oh, I know!

Dad rock.
[ Rock music plays ]

♪ I'm gonna rock you till you
feel the rock 'n' roll ♪

♪ Rock around the rock
that is made out of rock ♪

♪ I'm gonna rock it back and
forth like a rocking horse ♪

♪ Gonna quench your thirst
with some rock on the rocks ♪

Wow. There's a lot of promise
of rocking, but...

Yeah, it's like having someone
take you around a theme park

telling you how much fun
you're gonna have,

but you never get
to go on the rides.

Well, he's kind of rocking.

[ Rock music continues ]

Just encourage him
with a bit of Dad dancing.

[ Snap! ]

♪

[ Crying ]
What's wrong?

That's the music
from my dad's generation.

♪ We'll follow you into the -- ♪

[ Heavy metal music plays ]

[ Grunge music plays ]

[ Dance music plays ]
♪ Whoa-oh-oh, whoa-oh-oh, whoa ♪

♪ Whoa-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh ♪
[ Whimpers ]

[ Music stops ]
Faker.

You only bought the T-shirts
for the cool bands, didn't you?

Mm-hmm.
Come on.
Let's go to Joyful Burger.

For once, you've got
our permission to comfort eat.

How about a joke?

Knock, knock?
Dad?!

What? No.

[ Wailing ]

Larry:
So, that's one large fries.

I mean,
I don't have any real...

Beef.
...with my dad.

Sure, he's made mis--
Steaks.

But now there's
too much time to...
Ketchup.

And all this
has left me in a...
Bit of a pickle.

While he's gone on
to make a...

Hash brown.
...of his life.

It's so hard
when a parent...

Desserts.
...you.

And now I...
Doughnut.

...know what to do.

Every night...
Ice scream.

...inside.

I just feel so...
Waffle.

I ought to tell him
how I feel,

but I guess
I'm too much of a...

Boneless chicken!

And comfort eating is not
going to make me any happier.

[ Laughs, chomps ]

[ Laughs, chomps ]

[ Laughs, chomps ]

This doesn't look good
to me.

I don't think anyone would enjoy
the sight of a grown man

smearing burger meat into
his face in a kid's ball pit.

Yep. Even in Japan,
that's pretty niche.

[ Screaming ]

Hmm.

Isn't all
this eating dangerous?

Nah, this is Richard Watterson.
He can take it.

[ Sirens wailing ]

Yeah, I was more worried
about the staff.

It was like shoveling French
fries down an elevator shaft.

Well. Now my brain
and my stomach are sad.

Darwin:
I've got an idea!

♪

This is what I do
when I feel blue.

I look at the clouds and
see that even the darkest ones

eventually drift away.

And it's fun
'cause they make shapes.

Like that one.

It looks like a hat.

A hat like my father's.

-Uh, sure.
-How about that one?

Anais:
It's like a horseshoe.

Shoes are for walking.

Like he walked out on me.
[ Groans ]

Well,
how about that one?

It looks like a...uh...

Oh.
Looks like a popsicle.

Oh.
Uh...I-I guess.

Popsicles are cold
like the Arctic Ocean.

And that's cold because it's got
lots of icebergs in it.

That's why it's dangerous
for ships.

Because icebergs sink ships.

And what's the first thing
to leave a sinking ship?

A rat.

Together: [ Groan ]

And rats
are covered in fleas.

Just like my father
"flea'd" from me.

Yeah, we got it.
You could have stopped at "rat."

Gumball: I just.
I...

I don't know
what else to do.

Dad, you've just got to talk
to Grandpa Frankie about it.

[ Groans ]
There's no point.

He's just a con man.

The best I can hope for is
that the next time I see him,

he doesn't hustle me
out of $700

with that ball-and-cups
trick...again.

These cups and this ball
are worth $2,000.

But as you're my son, I'll let
you have 'em for $700!

[ Gasps ]

[ Groans ] I don't know
what to say to him.

I can't put it into words.

Would it help to sing it?

You know what?
I think maybe it would.

[ Breathes deeply ]

[ Serene piano music plays ]

[ Screams ]

[ Cackling ]

[ Muttering ]

[ Crying ]

Brrreeeueew!

Was that clear?
Together: Uh...

-Uh-huh.
-Uh-huh.

But that doesn't mean
you can't fix...

whatever that was...
between you.

I would need
to make a time machine.
Why?

Because if I invented
a time machine,

my dad would be
really proud of me.

It's too late, anyway.

I'll never get
those years back.

[ Sobbing ]

No. Not true.

You can't travel
back in time

and experience
the things you guys missed,

but you can travel forward
in time

and fix the things
that are yet to come.

Because the future
starts now.

[ Gasp ]

Huh. That was really good,
wasn't it?

[ Chuckles ]
Kind of surprised myself there.

I was like,
"The future starts now."

Bam! Nailed it.
[ Chuckles ]

The future starts now...

Now.

Now.

[ Imitates expl*si*n ]

[ Imitates expl*si*n ]

[ Imitates expl*si*n ]

[ Imitates expl*si*n ]
Can we just --

Yeah. Sorry.
Let's just get on with it.

[ Alarm blaring in distance ]

[ Groans ]

Oh.
There you are.

So, here's the plan.

You guys go through
everything

a father and son
should have shared,

but, like, really fast.

Three, two, one.
Go!

So, uh...
where do we start?

How about
a piggyback ride?
Okay.

That's as good
a place as -- Aah!

[ Sentimental music plays ]

You ready, champ?

Yeah!

[ Laughs ]
Well done, son!

And now we run!
Why?

Because, technically,
that's not our ball.

Huh?

[ Groans ]

[ Grunts ]
Ow!

Frankie: This priceless
heirloom was passed down

from grandfather to father,
and from father to son.

And it was passed down from
that son's second-story window

by my former cellmate to me.

And now it's yours.

I...don't know
what to say.

Good.
'Cause anything you do say

might be held against you
in court.

What?
[ Pants, grunts ]

[ Sirens blaring ]
Officer:
Okay, go, go, go, go, go!

Now make sure
you don't forget

the little bit
under your chin.

[ Grunts ]

Very good.

Now the second one.

[ Straining ]

And now the third.

[ Whimpering ]
Great.

Now you just have
to slide

down the drain pipe
and run.

[ Dogs barking ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Sighs ]

Now, first,
you release the hand brake.

Now gently slip it
into drive.

Aah!
Agh, I don't like it, Dad!

It's perfectly normal
to be nervous

your first time driving...

a getaway car.

I'm sorry.
I can't do this!

[ Alarms blaring ]

Hey, wait!
Where are you going?!

[ Siren chirps ]

Oh.
Now reel it in, son.

Nice and easy.

Ha ha ha ha!

[ Horn honking ]

Okay, I think
that's enough.

What?
What did I do wrong?!

It's no good.

I thought this would be
a father-and-son bonding thing.

You know?
We'd talk about life.

Oh, that's cool.
Let's do that now.

[ Sniffles ]
That would be nice.

Okay, so, "life."

Life is like 15, 20 years,

but you can be out in 10
with good behavior.

Oh, forget it!

Oh, look, son.

You know what I'm like.

I'm the Vermin Man.

I'm no role model.

I'm more of a parole model.
[ Chuckles ]

Eugh.
Oh.

Look, I didn't want you
to turn out like me.

And I was right.

Look at you.
You turned out great.

And your kids love you.

I didn't start off
as a good father.

But your kids...

they see you as better
than you are,

so every day,
you bust your chops

and try to live up to that.

It's too late for me.

No. Not true.

You know what my kids
taught me today?

The future starts now.

[ Sniffles ]
Yeah.

I'm sorry, son.

I'm sorry, too.

[ Voice breaking ] You've got
nothing to apologize for.

Yes, I do.

I stole your wallet.

And don't worry.
It's not mine anyway.