Opposite Sex, The (1956)

[bunniefuu]

[roaring]

[bright music]

Why do men go into diamond mines

Seeking stones as bright as

stars that glimmer?

Why do little silkworms

go about their business

To make my lady's limbs just shimmer?

Why do those talented Parisian gents

Wrack their brains

concocting fragrant scents?

Oooh

And why do minks

Yes, why do minks

Willingly let themselves get trapped?

The answer is not too complex

The answer is

The opposite sex

Why do men who should know better

Gape at a well-filled sweater?

What's there about it

That keeps them craning their necks?

Hmmm?

The answer is

The opposite sex

Now to explore the topic,

take matters philanthropic

What keeps them writing

those non-deductible checks?

Give up?

The answer is

The opposite sex

There are no substitutes

for this original thrill

There is no chemistry

can ever replace it, friends

Face it, friends

Folks who were once frustrated

What gets them all elated?

It's very simple,

although it may sound complex

It means that they've uncovered it

Come to and discovered

that wonderful bit

Called the opposite sex

[music continues]

[Amanda]

Women.

Ladies.

The female of the species.

[music continues]

Sometimes livelier than the male.

[horns honking, tires screeching]

[no audio]

Always deadlier.

This is Fifth Avenue.

Here women who can't afford it

go to look at women who can.

And this is Sydneys,

where you can get

a shampoo, set, and manicure

and the latest dirt about

your next-door neighbor,

all for one exorbitant price.

Where pounds and reputations

are both lost in the steam room,

and one woman's poise

is another woman's poison.

But don't get me wrong.

Some of my best friends are women.

Good morning, Duncan.

Good morning, Miss Penrose,

we're all ready for you.

Thanks.

Miss Penrose, my husband and I

saw your new play Saturday night.

How do you ever think to write

all those devastating lines?

I don't,

I just listen to the talk around here.

- Good morning, Miss Penrose.

- Hello, Violet. Who's in the house today?

Anybody worth avoiding?

I wouldn't know about that.

The Duchess of Wembley is here, though.

And that lady that

threw the knife in her husband last year.

Out already?

Oh, and yes, your friend Mrs. Fowler.

Would you like me to get a dryer

next to her?

No, thanks.

I'll take the knife-thrower any day.

[Violet chuckles]

crazy about her, and all the time

he was pinching every fanny in the place.

Oh, hello, Miss Penrose.

I'll take you right after

I finish Mrs. Fowler.

[Amanda]

Fine, Olga.

Amanda, darling.

Why didn't you tell me you were coming

over here?

I'd have stopped by and picked you up.

- It's right on the way...

- [Amanda] My dear friend Sylvia Fowler.

If you've got Sylvia for a friend,

you don't need any enemies.

Her husband, Howard, made his fortune

in a little paper miracle

called Hanky-Panks.

It kills me to think every time

I blow my nose, I make Sylvia richer.

You really ought to stop

all this writing nonsense

and get yourself a husband.

One thing about marriage,

it's so good for a woman's complexion.

A jar of face cream doesn't snore.

Ah-ah-ah! Don't be bitter, darling.

Anyway, that suit is divine.

Cuts your waist right in half.

- Thank you.

- [chuckles]

And puts 10 pounds on her hips.

Well, like I said, this Mrs. Buffum.

I feel awfully sorry for any woman

who has to lose that much alimony.

After all, she worked so hard getting it.

And then there's

this Mrs. Steven Hilliard.

Of course, I haven't seen her...

Who?

Mrs. Steven Hilliard, the producer's wife.

Doesn't your husband put money

in her husband's shows?

Yes. What about her?

Well, I don't like to say anything

about someone I don't really know,

but I know this other girl personally.

She has the apartment

right next door to me.

And this Steven Hilliard,

I keep passing him in the hall.

Well, of course, I can't blame him.

You should see this Crystal Allen.

She's got one of those figures.

Men turn around in the streets,

if you know what I mean.

Mrs. Fowler, your nails!

You'll smudge 'em.

[indistinct chatter]

Ohh! Ohh!

Edith Potter?

Steam room.

Edith? Edith Potter?

- [Edith] What?

- It's Sylvia.

Are you alone?

[Edith]

Yes. Why?

Hold on to your hat, darling.

Steven Hilliard's cheating on Kay.

[clattering]

What happened?

[Edith]

I knocked over the salt can.

What do you think

of that little bombshell?

[Edith]

I can hardly believe it.

Steven just doesn't seem like the type.

I didn't think he looked at another woman.

[Sylvia]

Well, he's looked at this one, all right.

And from what Olga said,

she's got plenty to look at.

[Edith]

Where'd Steven meet her?

[Sylvia]

She's a showgirl in his own show.

[Edith]

Oh, poor Kay. And she's so mad about him.

- [woman] Mrs. Fowler?

- [Sylvia] Yes?

Telephone. You can take it right out here.

[Sylvia]

Thank you.

You're done, Mrs. Potter.

You can come out now.

Now I know what a steamed clam feels like.

Hello?

Oh, um...

hello, darling.

It's her. It's Kay.

Kay?

Don't say a word.

Really, Edith. Do I ever?

Yes, dear. Yes, yes,

Edith and I are just finishing up here.

We're coming right over to the meeting.

- Mm-hm.

- Meeting?

The Footlights Home Benefit.

Um, by the way, how's Steven, darling?

Sylvia!

Oh, you're with him now.

Oh, Steven's having auditions

for a road company.

And I really caught him today,

going out with another woman.

[chuckles] Relax, Sylvia,

it's only to Schrafft's and the zoo.

He and Debbie have a standing date

every Wednesday.

Well, I think

it's awfully smart for a wife

to check up on her husband

in the afternoon.

Well, when he takes out

someone older than seven,

I'll start worrying.

See you at 21.

Thanks, Bill.

[Bill]

Right, Mrs. Hilliard.

[man singing indistinctly]

If you're searching

for a paradise, my friend...

Debbie.

I've got to run along.

You take good care of our fella, will you?

Oh, Mother, don't I always?

Well, no complaints so far.

Shh.

Oh, darling.

Hmm?

Do you remember a man

by the name of Charlie Moore?

He used to sing on radio, oh, a lot,

about nine or 10 years ago.

Yes.

Well, he's going to audition.

Find something for him, will you?

Well, I don't know. What part can he play?

The part of an old friend of mine

who needs a job.

All right.

[singing continues indistinctly]

Just for getting an old friend a job?

Mm-mm. First installment on your present.

Happy anniversary, darling.

[whispers]

Tomorrow night.

[indistinct chatter]

[Amanda]

This is 21,

and this is Dolly DeHaven,

- who isn't.

- Jessie, dear.

Every morning 400,000 New Yorkers

sweeten their coffee with

Dolly's syndicated column.

Through wind and sleet and storm,

from Sardi's to The Colony,

she makes her daily rounds.

Everybody loves Dolly,

especially when she spells

their names right.

What are you four conspiring about?

- Hello, Dolly.

- Hi, Dolly.

Anything unfit to print?

- [chuckles]

- Not today.

Oh, you. If I had to depend

on any dirt about you for a living,

I'd starve to death.

Well now, I may just surprise you one day

and run away with the milkman.

Oh, you're not the type.

Now with Edith, here, I could believe it.

"Mother of Seven

Leaves Lawyer For Milkman." [chuckles]

[Dolly]

Edith Potter, not again!

Mother of eight in three months.

Really, it's getting monotonous,

watching you eat for two all the time.

Banana splits, with me on watercress.

Dolly, how about a plug for

Footlights Home Benefit?

We're adding a new wing this year.

Oh, so that's what

this little coffee klatsch is all about.

Oh, here, darling, hold Pancho

for a minute. [baby-talking]

There.

Okay. When is it?

September the 12th

at the Helen Hayes Theatre.

Lots of stars and lots of glamour.

Yes and lots of tickets

at 100 bucks a throw, I know.

Hello, Tony! It's Tony Martin.

You can tell when the rascal's

been in Miami.

Look at that tan.

Oh, mommy's little precious.

[baby-talking]

What's he got all over his little mouth?

Watercress.

Ezio! Ezio, you devil!

- Where did you disappear to last night?

- [laughing]

Someday, somebody's going to drown

that mutt in a martini.

[laughing]

Kay, is that Mike Pearl over there?

He's trying to attract your attention.

Oh, yes. I'll bet he has

someone we can use.

I'll be right back.

Hi, Mike.

How are you, sweetheart?

- Wonderful.

- How about a drink?

No, thank you.

Got anyone we can use

for the Footlights Home Benefit?

- What do you need?

- Oh, anything.

Dancing girls, jugglers, trained seals.

What about a retired singer? A few years

out in pasture, but how about it?

You want to go back to work?

Not a chance. I like that pasture.

Oh, now, you're not going to let

a polite refusal

hurt your feelings, are you, Mike?

Feelings? I'm an agent.

Who's got feelings?

Give me your name back on a contract,

and I can make a nice dollar. That's all.

You're kidding yourself, Mike.

It's been a long time.

What's 10 lousy years?

You wanna waste the rest of your life

with nothing but happiness?

He's shaking his head.

Doesn't look so good.

Want to make a bet?

What man could say no to her?

Maybe one closer to home than you think.

Oh, you're so inventive, darling.

I ought to go to you for plots.

You ought to go to someone.

Let's talk about the ticket sale, huh?

You just can't stand

Kay's happiness, can you, Sylvia?

- Gets you down.

- That's ridiculous. Why should it?

Because she has the grace

to be what she is.

Which is what?

A woman.

[Sylvia]

And what are we?

Females.

The lost sex.

Substituting fashion for passion

and the analyst's couch

for the double bed.

Really, Amanda!

Maybe it would be much better for Kay

to know the truth about Steven...

The truth?

A lot of gossip from

a babbling manicurist who...

Oh, I forgot.

You had your nails done today, too.

Well then we can all let our hair down

and talk frankly, can't we?

Sylvia, if you spread

that vile story around, I'll...

[Kay]

Here I come. Ready or not!

[coughing]

How'd it go?

Anything we want.

How about Steven? He's giving us a number

from the show, isn't he?

Isn't that why I was elected chairman

of this committee?

[laughing]

Um, why don't we all drop in

on the matinee after lunch

and see what we can use?

There's something in the show

I'd like to take another look at.

Count me out.

And I'm sure Kay couldn't bear

sitting through it again.

Oh, I wouldn't mind,

but I have a fitting on my dress

for the party tomorrow night.

[gasps]

I've really splurged!

But I figure a woman's ego needs

a little building up

on her 10th anniversary.

Wouldn't it be cheaper

just to change your hairdo?

Or maybe the color of your nails?

[laughs nervously]

It's a good idea.

What's that you've got on Sylvia,

a new shade?

- Mm-hm.

- It's pretty.

Jungle Red.

There's a divine manicurist at Sydneys.

Olga's her name.

Why, you've got it on, too, Amanda.

Yes, I was thinking of tearing at a few

throats myself.

I'll be darned if I think that's funny!

Oh, relax, Sylvia.

You know Amanda can't resist a good line.

And I like the shade, I really do.

Sydneys, Olga, Jungle Red...

I'll remember it.

[Latin music playing]

There's yellow gold

on the trees, the banana

Yellow gold on the trees, the banana

With a twist of the wrist,

you're a capitalist

There's yellow gold...

Here it is. "Crystal Allen."

She's in this number.

Gold on the trees, the banana

Trees, the banana

Trees, the banana

Trees, the banana trees

There are lovely ladies

of an endless variety

You can keep a dozen

with the utmost propriety

So much plenty

every man can get a share

A place where every man

is a bananionaire

There's yellow gold

on the trees, the banana

Yellow gold

on the trees, the banana...

[whispering]

We'll get a good look at her now.

Olga said she's got a sensational figure.

...gold on the,

treasures untold on the

Yellow gold on the trees, the banana

Trees, the banana

Trees, the banana

Trees, the banana...

Close in here, isn't it?

Guess I shouldn't have eaten

that banana split.

Oh, Edith.

This is no time for morning sickness.

It's three o'clock in the afternoon.

- I know that, but does my stomach?

- Sh!

Banana cake, we got banana steak

Banana roast, or banana stew

Banana dresses and banana shoes

Banana houses and banana huts

Bananas taste just like coconuts

Bananas more than bananas less...

Sylvia, I don't feel so well.

Oh, don't be a bore, Edith.

They'll be through

with those bananas in a minute.

Shhh!

[music continues]

There's yellow gold

on the trees, the banana

Yellow gold on the trees, the banana

If you're passing, drop in...

Sylvia.

Sylvia.

Oh, be quiet, Edith.

Think of something else.

- I am.

- What?

Getting out of here.

On the trees

[applause]

Come on! Here we go!

Get a move on here! Come on. Here we go.

You got eight minutes to change!

[indistinct chatter]

I got it right from the horse's mouth,

I tell you.

They're going to make her

hand in her notice.

So, they'll get a new understudy. Let 'em.

But, Crystal, it's the second-best part

in the show.

And an extra 50 Bucks a week.

Boy, if I had your connections,

I'd make something out of it.

Understudy to

the second-best part in the show?

Well, you don't know.

She might break a leg or something.

Oh, you see too many movies.

Look at this rathole!

You think all I want is a bigger one?

With a cleaner sink

or a lousy [indistinct] cover

over the radiator?

What about a star on the door?

Star or chorus, it's still on your feet

for eight shows a week.

There's no business

like show business, honey,

when you're sitting out there

in those 8.80 seats

with a sable wrap over your shoulder,

your car and chauffeur out at the curb.

But you had your chance for all that.

What about that jerk lumberman

from Portland?

I hate trees.

Even with money growing on them?

Not enough. I looked him up.

What do you want, Sonny?

[stammers]

Drugstore guy sent it up.

Important, he said.

I'd give every cent I've got

to be a millionaire.

Beat it, you juvenile delinquent!

I got to make a call.

I'll be back in a few minutes.

Trouble?

Oh, excuse me!

Believe me, I think you're playing

this thing all wrong.

Smart girls take what they can get.

Smart girls get what they can take!

[telephone ringing]

Hello?

Hello, Steven.

It was good of you

to answer my message so quickly.

I... I'm sorry if it sounded so urgent,

but, Steven...

if I could just see you again.

Oh, Crystal.

Oh, please, Steven.

If we could just get together,

just once more.

[Steven over phone] Look, Crystal,

it... it'll only be more difficult.

Just for a few minutes.

Crystal, please, please don't.

Oh, I think it would be easier for me.

Oh, please, Steven.

All right.

Oh, thank you, darling.

After the show tonight.

I'll be waiting.

Give me a quick coffee, Ralph.

Coffee?

And I'll have another bromo, please.

- [counter boy] Coffee and a bromo.

- Sorry, Sylvia,

but maybe it's just as well.

After all, it's none of our business,

you know.

Don't you kid yourself.

It's every woman's business.

How do I know when some little beazel

might not get her claws into my Howard?

And don't you be too sure about Phelps.

Phelps? In a law office?

You ever seen some of

those court stenographers, darling?

Shorthand isn't all they can take.

[counter boy]

Have a doughnut, Crystal?

- The glazed came in today.

- [Crystal] Mm-mm.

You sure you don't feel well enough

to see the rest of the show, dear?

- [coughs]

- Oh, what a shame,

after Steven was nice enough to get us

those lovely house seats.

Well, we'll just have to

make our apologies

tomorrow night at the anniversary party.

How long is it now

that they've been married?

Ten years, I think.

Aw, poor Kay.

Well, that's just about the time

when it gets to open season on husbands.

And Steven is such fair game,

with all those pretty little things

backstage

trying so hard to get ahead.

May I bother you for the sugar?

May I?

Thank you... Miss.

Miss Allen... Crystal Allen.

Isn't that what you wanted to know?

I beg your pardon!

Check?

Give it to the lady, Ralph.

She's getting off cheap at that.

Even a good look at the Statue of Liberty

costs a buck!

[sultry music]

[lock clicks]

- Oh!

- Did you get the champagne?

Yeah. I went to five stores

before I found it.

Victoire!

- Do you know how much this costs?

- I know, I know.

It's like buying oats for a dead horse.

Okay, honey, no blow, will ya?

Aw, come on, Crystal.

Let me rest a minute.

Oh, Pat, please, he'll be here any minute.

[groans]

Custer's last stand!

Look, honey. Let's keep on being friends,

but you butt out of my business

and I'll butt out of yours, okay?

- Okay.

- Now, come on.

[knock on door]

[knock on door]

[Crystal]

Who is it?

[man]

Miss Crystal Allen?

Sign here, please.

[sultry music]

[door slams]

I'll return the oats on my way home.

[Crystal]

Get out!

Aw, look. At least he sent you roses.

I once had a guy that sent me

one lily with a black ribbon around it.

[crashing]

Okay, okay.

Okay.

[bright music]

Ten million dollars

and she gives me a quarter tip.

- What a profession!

- Yeah.

Sometimes I think if I've got to look at

another hangnail, I'll throw up.

Who you got next?

I don't know.

Some fill-in on a cancellation.

Looking for me, madam? Olga?

- Yes.

- I'll take you in here.

Want me to close them, Olga?

Please, Marie.

I just love getting new clients!

I think it puts a girl on her mettle.

Oh, my! What interesting hands!

I always say you can tell

a person's character by their hands.

What shade polish do you wear?

Well I thought that maybe Jungle Red...

That's our newest!

Did anyone in particular

recommend me to you?

Yes, Mrs. Fowler.

Mrs. Fowler. Isn't she a lamb!

She sent me three clients last week.

Know Mrs. Herbert Parish?

- No, I...

- Well, Mrs. Herbert Parish was telling me

that Mr. Parish got angry last week

and closed up all her charge accounts.

And she told him

her bedroom door wouldn't open again

until those charge accounts did!

[laughs]

Soak your left hand, please.

And then I did Mrs. Phelps Potter

at her apartment last week.

That oldest daughter of hers,

only 14 and can't let the boys alone!

They may have to send her

to school in Switzerland.

Know Mrs. Steven Hilliard?

Why, yes, I'm...

Mrs. Fowler must have told you about that.

Oh, Mrs. Fowler feels awfully sorry

for her.

Oh, she does? Well, I don't.

You would if you knew this girl.

What girl?

This Crystal Allen.

Crystal Allen?

Yes, you know.

The girl who's hooked Mr. Hilliard.

Oh, did I cut too deep? I'm sorry.

Well, Crystal's an acquaintance of mine.

She's a terrible mantrap

and he's the latest, I guess.

Steven Hilliard?

Yes. He's the producer

of the show she's in.

[chuckles] But it's funny,

that isn't the way they met.

It was at Saks Fifth Avenue

a couple of months ago.

Crystal wanted some cologne,

and I went with her.

And this man was buying

some perfume at the counter for his wife

and having a hard time deciding.

And Crystal spots him right away and

she goes right up to him and says,

"You don't know me, but I work for you.

And if there's anything I can do

to help you make a selection."

And she gives him this fancy talk

and bats those sexy eyelashes.

And well, Crystal's not the girl

to let grass grow under her feet.

So a week later,

he's having supper at her apartment.

[gasps]

Did I hurt? I'm sorry.

Now, Jungle Red, you said.

One coat or two?

Never mind.

But I thought that's what you came for.

All Mrs. Fowler's friends...

I've gotten what all

Mrs. Fowler's friends come for.

Oh, thanks.

Well, should I tell her

you were in, Mrs...?

Mrs. Steven Hilliard.

Mrs. Steven...

Oh, gee!

Gee, I'm sorry, Mrs. Hilliard.

I didn't... isn't there something I can do?

Yes. Stop telling that story.

Oh, sure, sure. I will.

And please,

don't tell anyone you told it to me.

I won't. I promise.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Hilliard.

Crystal's terribly clever

and terribly pretty.

At least it's good to know

what you're up against.

[indistinct chatter]

Hello, Kay.

I don't think she heard you, Miss...

[Amanda]

Kay, this isn't a new story.

I've written it a dozen times myself.

It happens to most wives.

He's been married 10 years.

- As simple as that.

- As simple as that.

When women get doubts about themselves,

they change their hairdo or

buy a new dress

or redecorate the house.

Oh, I suppose a man could redo his office,

but he never thinks

of anything so obvious.

A man only has one solution,

to see himself for a moment

in the mirror of some new eyes.

That's very touching.

This girl means no more to him than...

A few weeks and it'll be something

he wants to forget unless you...

Thank you for trying, Amanda,

but no thanks.

I've seen all those plays you've written.

I've read all those articles

in the magazines.

"What To Do About the Other Woman."

Well, they all left out just one thing.

What to do when it happens to you.

There's only one thing to do.

Nothing, ignore it.

Keep still when you're aching to shout.

That's the only sacrifice

an over-privileged wife

has to make to keep her man.

And what if I don't want him

on those terms?

You love him, don't you?

I'll get over it, people do.

[Amanda] Look, I'm leaving tomorrow

for a few weeks in Bermuda.

Why not come along, get some fresh air,

and then decide what to do?

What the devil,

you can always wreck your marriage.

It's already wrecked.

You know, now might be a good time

to take a little inventory of yourself.

Maybe you haven't been perfect either,

or worse yet, maybe you have.

Come on, get dressed.

I'll see you downstairs.

[melancholic music]

Good evening.

Good evening.

Good evening.

[low music playing]

In the garden, sir.

[indistinct chatter]

Your arm.

- Hello, everybody.

- Hello, darling.

[indistinct chatter]

Oh, darling!

Good to see you.

Hello, Sylvia.

- How's my favorite playwright doing?

- Hello, Amanda.

Going to let me put some money

in the next one?

Sorry, Howard, I never accept money

from friends, relatives, or millionaires.

Who else is there?

- Sylvia!

- Happy anniversary, darling.

- Thank you. Hello, Howard, how are you?

- Steve, good to see you.

- Good to see you.

- Where's Kay?

Oh, she's not down yet.

In the garden, Mr. Potter.

Thank you, John.

Anyway, what does it matter

as long as she doesn't know?

After all, Steven doesn't go into

this sort of thing

like a chain smoker, you know.

Not that I condone him,

but what he sees in that little piece

of bric-a-brac I'll never know,

married to someone like Kay.

- I know what you're thinking. Nobody...

- That's enough, Edith.

Yes, dear.

Good evening.

- Ah, there they are.

- All three of them.

Hello, Mike. Where's Kay?

Still dressing.

How long does it take to gild a lily?

[chuckling]

- Oh, may I, Daddy?

- Ah!

Kay, my dear!

How dare you look like that

after 10 years!

Stunning gown. Dior?

Well, who's here? Where's the bar?

I simply must drink a toast

to you and Steven.

You know, you may be the only couple

I know still married

on their 10th anniversary.

[chuckles]

Well, shall we have that drink now?

[band plays "Here Comes the Bride"]

[indistinct chatter]

Happy anniversary, Kay.

[all]

Happy anniversary!

Just a second, everybody.

Just a second.

Just a second, now.

Well, when?

[Howard]

Just a second, Sylvia.

Mike, stand still.

I am standing still.

Oh. All right, now.

Everybody, say, "Cheese."

[all]

Cheese.

[Howard]

Hold it.

[laughter]

Ah.

Oh, Howard, do put away the camera now.

Stop being a bore.

Well you know you're tight and

they'll all come out without heads anyway.

[laughter]

She's really wild about me.

Open some more presents, Kay.

Oh, yes, do.

I have a phobia about unopened presents.

Or is it a complex?

Hey, let's hurry it up

so we can send them all home.

Um, I think I need a refill.

Oh, for Pete's sake!

Open mine next.

It's not the suspense, well, it just...

I know what's inside,

but if you don't hurry up,

I'll be too stiff to appreciate it.

[laughter]

All right, if you're going to

make a scene.

[Sylvia]

Oh, Howard, do stop being childish.

- [Howard] Oh, shut up.

- [laughter]

[Dolly]

Kay, what a wonderful surprise.

[Mike] First copy of a new album

coming out next week.

- When'd you do it?

- She didn't.

It's just some record she

made years ago reissued.

Well, you didn't want to go back to work,

and you know an agent's got to eat.

- [laughter]

- Ah, it's a wonderful present, Mike.

Mike, darling, you can do

my Christmas shopping anytime.

Thanks a lot, Dolly.

What do you think, cookie?

You're not mad, are you?

Mad? Why should I be mad?

It isn't very often

you get to hear yourself playin'.

Who knows?

I may want to start all over again.

Kay Ashley rides again.

[all cheering and laughing]

That's more like it.

[Sylvia]

Put one on now, Kay.

[all chattering]

What do you think I brought them for?

Pie plates?

[laughter]

It's so nostalgic, darling.

We should have all come in costume.

- Didn't you?

- [laughter]

Oh, maybe Sylvia's right.

What's an anniversary party

without a little touch of corn?

[record plays trumpet solo]

[record plays upbeat jazz music]

The young man with a horn

They crowd around to hear him play

He sends them all but not away

He plays from night till early morn

The young man with a horn

The young man with a horn

He blows it hot, he blows it sweet

It's always got a solid beat

Well, he makes Gabriel sound like corn

The young man with a horn

Blow, man

Oh, man

Yeah, man

No man

Can blow the trumpet like

The young man with a horn

There may be lots of famous names

Lots of famous halls of fames

But there is just one Mr. James

The young man with a horn

[whistles]

Tweet, tweet, tweet

[mimics on horn]

Tweet, tweet, tweet

[mimics]

All of the girls

Are staking their claims

On the pinup man

In the picture frames

On the man with the two front names

Harry

James

The young man with a horn

Do la da da do la doo day

[mimics]

He blows it high

He blows it sweet

Can't be beat

Harry!

[band]

Thar he blows!

He's the young man with a horn

[cheering and applauding]

Okay, men, okay. Settle down.

Now, let's give her a break.

She's done three shows today,

and she still wants to go down

to the hospital

and sing some songs for those guys.

[applause]

May I?

Oh, I've been selected to escort you.

[band playing low music]

This way.

Who selected you to escort me?

Captain of the outfit.

Captain who?

Captain Steven Hilliard.

[woman] Oh, Mike, do put

another record on, will you, darling?

[woman 2]

Yes, Mike. Please do.

[all chattering]

[Mike]

Oh, no. This next one we ain't gonna play.

Not while we got the original

here in person.

- [all chattering]

- Oh, no, Mike.

Oh, you've got to.

Come on, your old theme song.

Joe, you remember Kay's theme song.

- Sure.

- Well, go ahead,

make with the introduction.

I... I don't even remember the words.

Uh, "When you find a perfect love."

If you please, Joe,

the introduction again.

[playing slow music]

When you find a perfect love

No other kiss but his

Can touch your heart

All at once

your dreams are silver lined

Two hearts as one combined

Can find a world apart

And then

You know the perfect thrill

That all the wise men still

Can't know the meaning of

Yours the warmth and yours the glow

When at last you come to know

The wonder

Of a perf...

[applause]

I really... I really don't want...

Steve. She's wonderful.

- I want to get a picture of you and Kay.

- All right, all right.

[band playing low music]

Steven, she'll be all right.

It's just all that champagne.

And this has been a big day for her.

Yeah, I guess so.

I'll go up and talk to her.

No, no. Let me.

Why don't you wrap up the party?

All right. Good idea.

Anything wrong, Steven?

No, no. Just too much excitement, I guess.

Let's have a drink, shall we?

Mm.

Here's one for

the "Hit the Road" department.

"Mrs. Steven Hilliard,

wife of the Broadway producer,

off to enjoy the Bermuda sun

while her husband sends another company

of his hit show,

Yellow Gold, on the road."

Enjoying the Bermuda sun,

did you get that?

I got a hunch she's not enjoying it much.

[Pat]

What do you mean?

How much time we got before the matinee?

Hour or so.

You go on ahead.

I've got a little business

to take care of.

I thought that little business

didn't want to be taken care of.

All of a sudden, I'm not so sure.

- Oh!

- [objects clattering]

[sighs]

One of these days,

I'm going to have a bathroom

as big as the Radio City Music Hall.

Who ever gets that dirty?

Thank you.

What can I do for you, little lady?

One double Popsicle, please, raspberry.

Well, we got a lady here

for double raspberry.

[Crystal]

Make it two.

Two coming up.

Here you are, little lady.

- Thank you.

- Miss.

Thank you very much.

Do you mind if I walk along with you?

You here alone?

Mm-hmm.

My daddy brought me.

We come almost every Wednesday.

I know. I mean,

you seem so at home here in the park.

My name's Debbie.

I don't like boys, do you?

[chuckles]

Some of them come in handy.

What's your name?

Crystal.

Why, Crystal.

Steven, how nice to run into you.

Oh, this isn't your daughter?

What a wonderful coincidence.

You've met Miss Allen?

You mean Crystal?

Oh, sure, we're old friends.

Debbie, why don't you

go look after your boat?

Or by this time,

it might be winding up in Tahiti.

Oh, I forgot. Excuse me.

- Oh, Daddy, would you hold this?

- All right, dear.

I didn't know you were a park fancier.

I walk here often.

Backstage you sometimes forget

there are still things

like trees and flowers

and air.

I haven't seen you

around the theater lately.

I've been busy.

You know, the road company and...

And with your wife away.

I read that she went to Bermuda.

Yes.

She went with a friend.

I couldn't get away.

I see.

Steven, does she know?

About us, I mean.

No, of course not.

I thought such a sudden trip,

maybe she...

I may as well be honest with you, Steven.

I even hoped that it was true,

and that you were just

too proud to call me.

So you decided to come

to see for yourself, huh?

You think that I...

I'm afraid you underestimate me, Crystal.

Or maybe you underestimate me.

I have some pride,

not much where you're concerned,

it's true,

but enough so that I'd walk somewhere else

if I'd known you were here.

I better go, I have a matinee to make.

Crystal.

I'm... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply...

That's all right, Steven.

It's not me you have to worry about.

You see, I understand you,

maybe better than your wife.

[Debbie playing piano slowly]

[Steven]

Better get dressed, Debbie.

You'll be late for school.

[Debbie]

Soon as I finish this part, Daddy.

That bumblebee sounds pretty tired.

Maybe he just flew in from Bermuda.

Mother!

You're back!

Hi!

[Debbie]

Thought you were coming next week.

Why did you fly back quicker?

Because I missed you... both.

You'll never know how much I missed you.

Anybody got a hug for me, too?

- [Debbie] Hi, Amanda!

- Hiya, lovebug.

You should have let us know.

We would have met you.

[all chattering]

Hey, now, wait a minute,

wa... hold it. Hold it.

Now, let's get all this confusion

organized.

What do you we do it over breakfast?

We're having waffles.

No, thanks. I've got the cab waiting.

You go ahead, I'll call you tomorrow.

- [Kay] All right, bye-bye now.

- [Steven and Debbie] Bye.

Bye.

[grand music]

[indistinct chatter]

Ham and cheese.

Coffee at the other end.

Considering the occasion, Sylvia,

you could have thought of something

more appropriate than ham.

Oh, I have a tongue sandwich,

darling, just for you.

That trip to Bermuda

seems to have done Kay a lot of good.

Yes, there's nothing like

getting away from your friends.

Too bad she didn't take Steven with her.

- Ham or cheese?

- Later, thanks.

Mrs. Hilliard, more problems.

Dinah Shore's plane is late,

and Marge and Gower Champion

can't get here till 11.

Well, don't look at me.

You're the producer tonight.

I'm going to sit out front

and enjoy the show.

And I'm going to go out and

get a hot pastrami sandwich.

This c*ck food I wouldn't wish on

my worst friends.

- [chuckling]

- All right, you deserters.

Here. I'll report back in a little while,

just for moral support.

And I'll bring you back a nice pickle.

Oh, thanks a lot.

We can move up the number

from Yellow Gold.

It's all right with d*ck Shawn

if it's all right with you.

Well, fine, I'll go and see

if the girls are ready.

- [indistinct chatter]

- May I come in?

Sure, Mrs. Hilliard. Come ahead.

There have been

a few hitches in the schedule.

Would you girls mind

going on now instead of later?

- Sure, Mrs. Hilliard.

- It's okay by me.

We're about ready anyway.

Oh, fine. We really do appreciate it.

[whispering]

Boy, have you got the wrong number.

I was watching her face.

She doesn't even know you're alive.

In fact, honey, you're dead.

Okay, Al.

Oh, fine. Announce the d*ck Shawn number.

Kay, I can't face another piece

of pumpernickel.

Oh, you've done a wonderful job, Sylvia.

Now relax and enjoy yourself.

[steady music playing]

Doctor, I need help

Doctor, I need help

Start from the beginning

Start from the beginning

It started in my youth

It started in my youth

What part of your youth?

Slowly, the truth

When I was, say, 10 or under

When you were, say, 10 or under

I didn't like toys or dogs or cats

I didn't play games with baseball bats

When other boys were so engaged

A feeling in me stormed and raged

And I discovered that faces with curls

Were nicely attached

to the bodies of girls

[laughs]

Whee!

Girls, girls, girls, girls, girls

Girls, girls, girls, girls!

This when you were 10 or under?

I didn't go in for nature's hikes

I didn't have pogo sticks or bikes

When other boys were so employed

A feeling in me gnawed and gnawed

And I discovered that faces with curls

Were nicely attached

to the bodies of girls

[bells jingle]

Girls, girls, girls, girls, girls

Girls, girls, girls, girls

This when you were 10 or under? Ha

That's when I began to wonder when

My princess would find her prince

That's when I began the chase

And I've been chasing ever since

I've loved the ladies dearly

I've courted them sincerely

If you need proof

I'll show you my canceled checks

I dearly love

The opposite sex

If they are tall and slinky

And they just move a little pinkie

I must behave like a man

who's under a hex

It's no use, Doc

My namin' 'em, no use, Doc

Or blamin' 'em, how can I quit?

Loving the opposite...

Jeanne, Gloria, Rita, Lucy

Jeanne, Gloria...

[romantic music]

Rita, Lucy, Jeanne, Gloria

Rita, Lucy, Lucy

[upbeat music]

Hey, wait a minute.

- You're unzipped.

- Oh.

Never mind, honey.

Gloria, Rita, Lucy, Jeanne

Oh, my zipper.

Would you mind, Mrs. Hilliard?

No, of course not.

There.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Of all the nerve!

Why, that brazen little...

What's the matter, Sylvia?

Asking you to zip her up. You!

Why not?

Don't you know who that is?

No.

That's Crystal Allen!

[sultry music]

It's simply outrageous.

I don't know why you stand for it.

Leave me alone, Sylvia. It's over.

And I don't want to hear

any more about it.

Over? Well, it wasn't over when

you were in Bermuda.

Ask your own child.

What's Debbie got to do with this?

Oh, they had

a cozy little outing in the park,

the three of them.

I wormed it out of De...

Well, I mean, I... I took her to lunch

one day and...

poor child, she had to confide in someone.

Folks who were once frustrated

What gets them all elated

Is very simple,

although it may sound complex

It means that they've

Uncovered it, come to and

Discovered it

That wondrous bit

they call the opposite

Jeanne, Gloria, Rita, Lucy

Jeanne, Gloria, Rita, Lucy

That wondrous bit

Most extraordinary

That wondrous bit

That is so necessary

That wondrous bit

They call the opposite sex

[applause]

And Edith and I were going to call you

in Bermuda.

But then we thought that maybe...

[upbeat music playing]

That little tr*mp!

She may be a perfectly marvelous playmate

for Steven,

but if you think she's gonna do

your daughter any good...

- Get out, Pat.

- What?

And keep the others out.

What are you talking about?

I got a feeling the lid's gonna

blow off around here any minute.

- Go on! Get out!

- Oh, boy.

Hey! Undo the top.

- Okay. Okay.

- All right! All right!

[music continues]

You've been seeing my daughter.

I want you to stay away from her.

Doesn't Steven have something

to say about that?

What Steven does is his own business,

except about our child.

Don't worry, Mrs. Hilliard.

I'm not interested in children.

He couldn't be in love with you.

Then he's been giving

an awfully good imitation.

What are you beefing about?

You've got everything that matters,

the name, the position, the money.

Everything that matters to you.

Oh, cut the dramatics, Mrs. Hilliard.

I was told you were clever.

You must be...

to keep Steven from seeing

how cheap you are.

Don't give me that innocent bit.

I do kicks, you plug tunes,

but we both knew a good thing

when we saw it.

What's the matter, Mrs. Hilliard?

Did I hit a nerve?

Just a bit of advice.

If you're dressing for Steven,

not that one.

He doesn't like anything quite so obvious.

Thank you.

But when Steven doesn't like what I wear,

I take it off.

- [indistinct chatter]

- Kay, honey, tell me...

- Kay!

- Kay!

Kay, darling!

[man] Folks! Quiet, please!

We have a show going on.

Steven! Steven!

The most terrible thing has happened.

Kay!

[Steven]

Kay!

Kay!

Kay! Kay!

Listen to me.

Let me go!

Kay, please. You've got to listen to me.

Kay.

It... it... it never meant anything to me.

There's nothing you can say.

There's plenty I can say,

if you'll only listen, please.

- Even dragging Debbie into it.

- Debbie?

Taking her to your little meetings

in the park.

How could you do that?

Kay, listen, I don't know

who's been twisting all this or why,

but I... we just ran into her.

I hadn't seen her in weeks.

Kay, you've got to believe me.

Kay, I love you.

Oh, don't touch me!

- Oh, hey, take it easy!

- [brakes screeching]

[Steven]

Kay!

Hurry.

Where to, lady?

Hurry.

What's the matter, bud? Lose your touch?

Look who's talking! Come on.

[dramatic music]

[no audio]

[music continues]

[train horn blaring]

[music continues]

[bartender]

Nightcap, ma'am?

Yes, please, I'd like...

How about some champagne?

Very good for trains.

Goes to your head and

settles your stomach at the same time.

Thank you very much. Yes, a...

I'm the Countess de Brion.

How do you do?

Haven't I... haven't I seen you

somewhere before?

I'm Mrs. Steven Hilliard.

Steven Hilliard, of course! Of course.

All those stinking newspaper photos

didn't do you justice, my dear.

Oh, don't take it so hard, chri.

Wait till you've had four, like me.

Oh, husbands, I mean, not champagne!

[both chuckle]

Who died?

Oh, it's always this way, madam.

- The first day out on the Reno Special.

- [laughter]

Oh, Mrs. Dall, won't you join us?

Hi, Countess, sure!

Got enough to go around?

Twenty-seven hundred acres, all in grapes.

Mmm.

[laughter]

It's the Count's only liquid asset,

poor darling.

Do you know Gloria Dall?

She's connected with

the night club business.

Yes, I know.

I've enjoyed seeing you many times.

Thanks. Say, wait a minute, aren't you...

Oh, we've been all through that, ducky.

Let the poor girl forget, like all of us.

L'amour, l'amour!

Oh, how it can let you down.

And how it can pick you up again.

You're on your first, chri.

The first divorce hardly counts.

It's when you've been

on this lousy train four times

that your faith really begins to waver.

You're not a very good judge

of character, Countess.

Oh, that's been my trouble.

I don't pick them for character.

I bet you picked yours for character,

didn't you?

Well, yes.

Ah and where did it get you?

[laughs]

The same place it got all of us.

On the train to Reno!

- On the train to Reno!

- [laughter]

[train horn blaring]

Ah, Reno!

The biggest little city in the world.

The cradle of liberty, the Mecca of...

[whistles]

Who's that cowboy?

Buck! Buck!

[no audio]

- Do you know him?

- Yes!

That's Buck Winston!

[laughs]

Aw, Countess, you really have been around!

Oh, h* h* h*!

[cow bells ringing]

Oh, the good old D-Bar-H!

[chuckles]

How's Lucy and all the hands?

Fine and dandy, Countess.

Lucy, now that would be

the boss lady, wouldn't it?

That's right, ma'am.

Tell me, who are we meeting up with,

the good guys or the bad guys?

Well, I reckon the good guys, ma'am.

Seeing as how it's the bad guys

you're coming from.

- [laughs]

- Well, you got me, partner.

Give me some help with the baggage,

will you, Ben?

Hi there! [gasps]

Hi there, Countess!

You old turtle!

- [laughs]

- Oh!

Lucy, I never thought I'd see you again,

but here I am!

[laughs]

This is Mrs. Hilliard.

- Howdy, ma'am.

- And Mrs. Dall.

- Hello.

- Welcome, ma'am.

Thank you.

Ms. Wilson,

telegram come for you this morning.

Well, go on!

[woman 1]

Good-bye, Lucy. Thank you for everything.

- [woman 2] Bye, darling.

- [woman 3] You were wonderful!

[Lucy]

Bye, girls, and watch your next step!

- [laughter]

- [woman 1] We will!

You staying?

Atta girl!

Buck! Put Mrs. Wilson's bags

back in the car.

Okay, Lucy.

Listen honey,

if they don't treat you right here,

you come on to Chicago.

Yes, ma'am.

[woman 1]

So long, girls! Don't let it get you!

[woman 2] It's only six weeks,

just 42 little old days.

[Lucy]

Come on, girls. Let's get together.

Let's get to know one another.

- All right.

- [laughter]

Lucy, I do hope you were able to save

my old room for me.

Sure thing, Countess, I'm even thinking of

reserving it for you permanent.

[laughter]

This one's yours, Ms. Hilliard.

You two are down t'other end.

Walt, show the ladies to their bunks.

- Bye, darling.

- See you later, Kay.

Everything all right?

Oh, yes. Everything's fine, thank you.

Ah!

They're always forgetting something.

They're so durned anxious

to get back to I don't know what.

You've seen a lot of divorcees,

haven't you?

Been boarding them for 20 years.

Well, you're in for the stretch,

so don't mope around.

Relax! Enjoy it!

Well, what do you suggest?

You name it, we got it

or we'll help you get it.

Swimming, tennis, rubdowns,

take it off or put it on,

horseback riding.

Better let us know a day ahead, daytime or

moonlight.

Buck arranges all that.

[pleasant music]

Oh, this is just heavenly!

Ain't it, though?

Look at that water,

just like rippled glass.

Two, three hundred feet in some places,

teeming with fish.

You know, I used to live near a lake

when I was a kid in upstate New York.

We'd go fishing and canoeing.

I got one right here, ma'am.

Indian canoe. Made it myself.

You didn't.

Single-handed.

Pleased to oblige, ma'am.

All right. I'd love to.

Thank you.

[music continues]

Would you like to just

drift a while, ma'am, and look?

No. I just like moving along.

Comfortable?

Uh-huh.

I, uh, carved this paddle myself, too.

Really?

With a penknife.

There's just no end

to your talents, is there?

Romantical, ain't it?

Very Venetian.

All we need is a soft guitar...

Anything you say, ma'am.

[chuckles]

I'm glad I didn't say a piano.

'Course, you know, I sing a little, too.

[strumming guitar]

Nothing would surprise me.

- [string snaps]

- Ouch!

Durn critter bit me.

I reckon I'll have to

sh**t it in the morning.

[both chuckle]

[both laughing]

Oh, now you be careful, Buck.

Now, really! Buck!

Now, you don't have to worry.

This canoe's as safe as a cradle.

Yes, I know, but you're not.

[upbeat music]

Well!

This is a side of you I never suspected.

I guess I just do

what comes natural, ma'am.

Isn't that funny? So do I.

[romantic music]

Well, I guess there's a first time

for everything.

And a last!

[dramatic music]

Mrs. Hilliard!

Ma'am!

Where are you going? I'm sorry!

Come back here! Please!

Ma'am, I can't swim!

Mrs. Hilliard!

Where's that durn paddle?

Use your guitar.

But chri, Buck is notorious

for his moonlight rides.

They're a feature of the place,

- like the cactus.

- [laughs]

Well, why didn't somebody tell me?

I thought he was being, well, friendly.

As I remember, he isn't exactly hostile.

Oh, Countess. Not you, too?

That was a long time ago, dear,

when I first came out.

I had a much better seat then.

- On a horse, I mean.

- [laughter]

You know, I think it's his "ma'am"

that gets your defenses down.

And when that old Indian canoe

appears out of nowhere.

With the hand-carved paddle.

Oh, I'll bet that little barge

must really have mileage on it.

[laughter]

Anybody 'round here seen Buck?

Never seen such a varmint

for not being around when you need him.

Got a new boarder coming over

from the airport in a taxi.

Oh, I'm sure he'll be along.

Yeah, at least by morning.

- [car horn honks]

- [car door closes]

Reckon that's her now.

[laughter]

You know, Kay, my trouble was

I couldn't swim home like you.

I barely managed to save my honor.

Such as it is.

How?

Well, I told him I was promised

to another man,

after my divorce was final, of course.

And that stopped him?

Well!

He's a westerner, ma'am,

and they have their code

with horses and women.

[laughs]

That was an absolute inspiration, darling!

Also true. I am engaged.

[gasps]

Oh, chri!

How sweet!

[door opens, closes]

[Lucy]

Mrs. Hilliard!

Yes?

[Lucy]

This one says she knows you.

Sylvia!

I can't believe it.

Move over!

You mean you and Howard...

That's right, darling. Pffft!

I can never say that

without getting my chin wet.

[laughter]

This is the Countess de Brion, Mrs. Dall,

Mrs. Howard Fowler.

- [both] How do you do?

- Oh.

Here's a letter come for you

early this morning.

- Oh?

- I'll turn in. 'Night, girls.

- [all] Good night.

- Good night and thank you.

Well, tell me what happened.

It's so sudden.

Hmm-hmm! That's what I thought, darling.

But it's all been underground

like an iceberg.

Howard Fowler,

the man I trusted with my life,

has kicked me out,

kicked me out for some little beazel.

Well, I think I'd better turn in now.

Oh, it's nothing private, darling.

The whole world knows about it.

Dear, sweet, fun-loving Howard.

You wouldn't believe what a fiend

he turned out to be.

Who's the other woman?

Nobody knows, not even Winchell.

What you need, Mrs. Fowler,

is a good stiff drink.

That's a wonderful idea, chri!

Go get a bottle of my champagne

in the icebox.

All righty!

Well, it's nice to be among friends again

after all those buzzards in New York.

Air mail special. Must be from Edith.

She had another girl, you know.

- No, I didn't know.

- Yeah.

That makes eight.

Says there's nothing to do in the hospital

but oil her stomach and write letters.

[laughs]

She's enclosing a newspaper clipping

she thinks will interest me.

It's Winchell.

"Gloria Copacabana Dall

is in the process of being Reno-vated.

Three guesses, Mrs. Howard Fowler,

as to whom she's going to marry."

[both]

Gloria!

Gloria?

A small world, isn't it?

[chuckles nervously]

Why, you dirty, double-dealing...

Now, Sylvia, you don't love Howard.

That has nothing to do with it.

Oh, why don't we forget it and go to bed?

- Aah!

- [pots clattering]

[Kay]

Here, now...

Sylvia, get hold of yourself!

Kay, let go of... [shrieks]

Chri, don't lose your temper!

I'm sorry, Countess, she hit me first.

I'm gonna let her have it.

Look out, Kay!

Why, you little...

Oh!

Oh! Oh! Help! Lucy!

Help! Oh, Lucy! Lucy! Help!

- [both grunting]

- [Countess] You've got to stop them!

You just... do something! I don't...

I don't... oh! Oh!

You can't do this!

[Gloria]

Let go of me!

Let go of me!

[all shouting]

Stop it!

[all shouting]

Ah! Uh!

Ohh!

Do something! Get her!

Ohh! Ohh!

Ooh!

[Countess]

Oh! You can't do this!

Oh! You can't...

You asked for it.

Let go of me!

[Countess]

Kay! Kay, Kay!

Stop her! Stop her!

Let go of me!

[all shouting]

No!

You stay out of this, Kay!

She hit me first!

Countess, she hit me first!

- What's happening?

- It's frightening.

What is it?

Maybe it's another atom b*mb test.

This whole house

is a-rocking and a-rolling.

- [Sylvia] How dare you!

- [Countess] Stop it!

Get off of me, you big buffalo!

- [all shouting]

- [Lucy] Party getting rough?

Lucy, would you get her out of here?

- [Gloria shrieks]

- Okay, Mrs. Hilliard.

I'm going to give her what for!

[door slams]

You're on her side, Kay.

I know it.

I'm not on anybody's side.

After all I've done for you!

What?

I warned you!

Well, I'm not so sure

I'm grateful for that.

Well, you were only getting

what was coming to you

and plenty of the girls

are tickled to death!

Oh, it's getting a little stuffy in here!

Come, chri!

Oh, buzzards!

- You're nothing but a bunch of buzzards!

- [door slams]

How dare they do that to me!

I'll show them.

I'll show all of them, they can't do th...

[upbeat music]

Howdy, ma'am.

Well, congratulations, Mrs. Hilliard.

- Thank you.

- Ever need me again, just let me know.

- Goodbye, Lucy.

- Bye, Ralph.

- Fast, ain't it?

- [car horn honks]

Ten years, and over in 10 minutes.

[Countess]

Chri!

Come along, chri,

we're taking you out to celebrate.

- No. I don't think so.

- Yes, we are!

Oh, go ahead. You've got your diploma.

Sure!

She's got nothing on us

We've got our liberty

And now that we are single

We're happy to be free

La la la la la la la

La la la la la la

La la la la la la la

La la la la la la

La la la la...

[upbeat music]

Buck, dear,

the road is so crowded tonight.

Why don't we head for

that nice, little lake

you were telling me about?

Yes, ma'am.

Well, if I know Sylvia, she'll paddle.

[both]

Yes, ma'am!

[laughter]

- [laughter]

- Listen, New York isn't that big, honey.

We'll be having class reunions

every month.

And I'll supply all the champagne!

- Sure!

- Goodbye. [chuckles]

I'll see you in the morning

before I leave.

- Bye-bye.

- Good night.

[woman clearing throat]

Don't you ever sleep?

Amanda! What are you doing here?

Oh, writers have to get around.

Oh, all right.

I thought you might want company

for the long voyage home.

Oh, you're wonderful.

How is Debbie... and everyone?

Fine.

Did everything go through this morning

on schedule?

Oh, yes.

Well, what now, Kay?

What are you going to do?

Finish packing.

Oh, you know what I mean.

Are you satisfied?

Steven isn't.

Kay, has it ever occurred to you

he might marry that girl?

If that's what he wants.

But that isn't what he wants.

She wants it,

and she hasn't been wasting any time.

I've seen clever operators

in my day, but...

You don't seem to understand. It's over.

You played right into her hands,

walked wide-eyed

into every trap she set for you.

And now you've removed

Steven's last protection,

his marriage.

Why rehash it?

Because this is wrong.

You're not like

these jaded, frenetic women,

shedding their husbands

like they shed last year's dresses.

Look, Kay,

I hate airplanes and I hate cactus

and I hate people who give advice

to other people.

So I don't know why I've flown 3,000 miles

to this godforsaken water hole.

Unless it's because I can't stand

seeing something good go down the drain.

Maybe it was good once.

Oh, you're talking like a child.

What do you think marriage is, anyway?

Something safe and comfortable

you can take for granted?

This is a rough world Kay,

and marriage has to live in it.

It has to be won over and over again,

as many times as necessary

and against all challenges.

And anyone who hasn't the guts for it

ought to have learned to live alone

and like it a long time ago.

Like you?

That's right, like me.

I'm sorry, Amanda. That wasn't very nice.

Well, at least it's a step

in the right direction.

Stop being so nice, Kay.

If you have any feeling left for the guy,

get to New York as quickly as possible

and tell him.

I don't know.

Maybe I'm just not the fighting kind.

[telephone ringing]

[ringing]

Hello?

Yes. This is Mrs. Hilliard.

New York?

Steven.

Tell him you'll tear that divorce decree

into a million pieces

and use it for confetti.

I...

[tender music]

Hello, Steven.

Oh, it's good to hear your voice.

Yes, it went through this morning.

Oh, I see. The lawyer phoned you.

Steven...

I've been wondering if...

No, I haven't seen the papers.

I've been out all evening.

Oh, of course,

I'd much rather hear it from you.

That's very thoughtful of you.

I hope you both will be very happy.

Yes. [stammers]

I'm leaving in the morning.

Thank you for calling, Steven.

Bye.

Know anyone who could use

a slightly dated radio singer?

Has pride, will travel.

[grand music]

Sit down, Edith.

The girls just look wonderful.

How is Phelps?

Oh, he's swamped as usual.

Good. You don't mind if I get ready?

No, go right ahead.

Sylvia's been bothering him a lot lately

with that cowboy

that she brought back from Reno with her.

I really can't stand Sylvia anymore, but,

well, Phelps handles

all her business affairs,

so what can I do? You know that cowboy,

Buck something-or-other?

Yes. Met him at the ranch.

Sylvia tells everybody

she's gonna marry him,

but that's not enough for Sylvia.

She wants to make

another Gene Autry out of him, I guess.

She even offered to buy

a Broadway play for him.

But you can't rope a steer

on the stage of the Ziegfeld Theater.

And what else can he do?

[chuckles]

Well. He almost plays a guitar.

Crystal and Sylvia are thick as thieves.

But you know,

it's Steven that amazes everyone.

You know how he hated to go

to night clubs, don't you?

Well, you can't pick up a paper these days

but you see a picture of

the four of them all over town.

I know.

[door opens]

Mr. Hilliard's chauffeur has come.

Oh, good. Debbie's gonna spend a week

with her father.

[sucks teeth]

How nice.

Well, I'm going to get my troop

and go out front.

You be sure and call us, will you?

- Come see us anytime.

- I will. Thank you, Edith.

[blows whistle]

Blow.

Now say good night, girls.

Good-bye.

I'll see you.

- Bye.

- Come on. Hurry up, dears.

Sweetheart.

Daddy's car is here.

Now, you remember to be nice to everyone.

And if Daddy should happen to ask you,

you tell him everything is just fine.

I'll tell him everything's fine

with me, too.

Thank you.

Now, you have a good time.

You be a good girl.

Oh, Miss Ashley.

You haven't much time to change.

Oh, Miss Ashley!

[jazz music playing]

You promise me the world tomorrow

Well, frankly, I am not impressed

Tomorrow can take care of tomorrow

For tonight, may I suggest

When do I want you to cling to me?

Now, baby, now

When could it mean everything to me?

Now, baby, now

Got a longin' and a need-a, you see

That requires immediacy

When do I want you to cling to me?

Now, now, now

Baby, now

When do I want you to sigh for me?

Now, baby, now

When should you go in too high for me?

Now, baby, now

Though the future is

the pleasantest tense

What I want's in the presentest tense

While the fruit is heavy on the bough

h*, h*

When do I want you

to cling to me, baby?

Now

When could it mean everything

to me, baby?

Now

Now

We can't stand it any longer

Now

We're not gettin' any stronger

Now

Now

Now

Baby, now

I'd like to reiterate

Baby

Tomorrow's gonna be much too late

Now

Now

Now

Baby, now

[applause]

[slow jazz music]

Madame has been soaking an hour.

So what?

It's good for my nerves.

Monsieur suggests that madame joins him

while he drives Miss Debbie home.

I told monsieur to count me out.

May be his idea of an exciting evening,

but it's not mine

Here. Scrub.

I didn't get married to be a nursemaid.

Ow! You're taking my skin off!

I'm so sorry, madame.

[telephone rings]

Get out and close the door.

Yes, madame.

Hello, darling.

I'm in the tub,

shriveled to a peanut

waiting for you to call,

but it's worth it.

No. He was too busy with his kid

to notice what time I got home.

Another piece of cake?

No, thanks, Daddy. It was delicious.

You know, uh, Crystal would have dined

with us this evening,

but she hasn't been feeling

very well lately.

That's why she hasn't been with us much as

she wanted to this past week.

I had a lovely time, Daddy.

- Really, I did.

- [chuckles] So did I.

Now, you tell your mother I appreciate her

letting me have you so often.

I will.

Why don't you go say good night

to Crystal?

All right, Daddy.

Maybe tomorrow.

I'll tell him I'm going to

the beauty shop.

That's always good for a couple of hours.

Oh, no, you can say anything you want.

This is the one place I've got privacy.

[light knock on door]

Where are you and Sylvia going tonight?

I have to badger Steven

to take me anyplace,

and then he just sits there like a mummy.

[laughs]

Oh, Buck! You fracture me!

[laughs]

I wouldn't be one to do that, honey-baby.

I like you better in one piece.

[laughs]

[Buck laughing]

Look, if I can get out later on,

you take off your spurs and

meet me at the same place...

[sneezes]

I got to hang up, now,

call me in a couple of minutes.

Who told you to come in here?

Daddy. I came to say good night.

Good night, Crystal.

Just a minute...

dear.

My, you're in a hurry

to tell Daddy about it.

About what?

My little talk on the telephone.

You can get k*lled

picking up the telephone with a wet hand.

My teacher says so.

What are you holding your nose for?

Bubbles make me sneeze.

You don't like me, do you?

Why?

Just give me one good reason why.

I never said I didn't like you.

But you don't like me, do you?

No, but I never said so.

Oh, stop holding your nose!

- But I...

- Stop it!

May I go now?

I've tried my darnedest to be nice to you.

But if you don't cooperate,

things can get pretty rough around here.

You know what I mean?

[Sylvia]

Yoo-hoo! May I come in?

Oh, I'll be out in a minute, Sylvia!

Oh, don't be modest, darling.

Nobody would believe it.

Hello, Debbie. How's your mother?

[sneezes]

Your father's waiting for you.

Good night, Crystal.

Good night, Mrs. Fowler.

Sweet child.

Control yourself, darling.

You wouldn't want her

to take the glad tidings

back to Mummy.

What glad tidings?

That Daddy's home life

isn't all milk and honey.

- Oh, really, Sylvia.

- Don't kid me, Crystal.

You and Steven

have about as much in common...

As you and Howard did?

Don't be silly.

If I hadn't divorced Howard,

I never would have met Buck.

Isn't he divine, darling?

Now, you're a good judge of horse flesh.

Isn't he something?

Mmm... not bad.

You're just jealous.

They all are!

Just wait until Buck opens

at the Skylight Room. They'll be...

Skylight Room? Buck?

Why not? Cowboy singers are all the rage.

How much stock do you own in that joint?

Mmm, 22,000 shar...

All right.

So I told them I'd guarantee any losses.

You should see the outfit I bought him.

More silver than Fort Knox.

Just wait until

those buzzards get a look at him.

Six and a half feet of man and all mine!

[laughs]

By the way, darling, I want you and Steven

to be my guests opening night.

We'd love it.

Oh, darling,

I have to take my shower, now.

Look, why don't you wait in the bedroom

and shut the door?

All right. I just dropped in for a minute,

anyway. I'm on my way to meet Buck.

I didn't know you were touching up

your hair.

Oh, darling, don't use this perfume.

You smell it on everyone!

[telephone rings]

I'll get it.

Don't touch that phone! Let it ring!

Well, why? They'll only pick it up

outside.

No, it's a private phone.

- A private phone?

- Sylvia, if you touch that phone...

Why, you sly little fox!

Hello? Hello?

Hello, anybody there?

[Sylvia over phone]

Hello? Anybody there?

Hello? Hello?

Hello? He...

So! You've got him trained.

If a strange voice answers, hang up.

Don't be ridiculous.

You can tell me, darling.

Who is it?

Anybody I know?

Somebody's husband?

Don't you trust me?

Well, if you think I'd tell Steven

one whisper of this,

you're just crazy.

I wouldn't give Kay Hilliard

that satisfaction.

So you just hang on to your boyfriend,

whoever he is,

and we'll both be happy.

Okay?

Okay.

[both laughing]

[Amanda]

And here's to Sylvia and Crystal.

If they don't hang together,

they'll hang separately.

In either case, here's to it.

[laughter]

- Aren't we being awfully catty?

- Mm-hm!

Ha! What would a class reunion be

without it?

Oh, if Sylvia lives through

Buck's opening tonight,

she'll deserve all our sympathy.

Oh, now, he may not be that bad.

[both]

Oh!

Sweetie, he'll lay an egg so big,

they'll be serving omelets for a month.

[laughter]

Aw, come on, Kay, change your mind.

Come with us tonight.

- Yes, chri.

- How about it, Kay?

We'll have a few laughs.

No, really, I've got to get

all the rest I can.

You know I have only one week

before we leave.

- Anybody want another drink?

- Oh, yes, yes, I would love...

Ah! Nope, nope, we can't.

Really, we've got to dress.

Oh, isn't it a bore! I wish I never had to

change anything but my jewelry!

- That could keep you busy for two years.

- Oh, indeed.

Come on, Amanda, I'll drop you.

I'm picking up Howard at the office.

- Aren't you spoiling him a little?

- You bet.

You're absolutely sure

you won't come along, dear?

Oh, I did so want you to meet my Hughie.

He's such a thoughtful old darling.

He's in oil, you know.

And you might even get to see

Steven and Crystal.

They'll probably be there with Sylvia.

Aren't you even a little bit curious?

No.

Ah, the gal isn't human.

Oh, it was a lovely party, chri.

We must have these

annual reunions more often.

- Oh! Oh, the glass! Wouldn't you know?

- [laughter]

Bye, darling. I'll call you tomorrow.

- Fine, Amanda.

- Shall I spit in Crystal's eye for you?

You're passing up a big chance,

'cause where I spit, no grass grows ever.

[both laugh]

Gloria.

Thank you for trying,

all of you.

Bye.

Bye-bye.

- Bye, darling.

- Good night.

[pleasant music]

[doorknob turns]

[Debbie]

Mother.

What is it, Debbie?

I had another bad dream.

Can I come in with you?

Oh, of course, darling. Come on.

There, now. Is that better?

That's the only good thing about divorce.

You get to sleep with your mother.

[chuckles]

When are we leaving?

Oh, in about 10 days.

We're going to have a really good time,

lots of different places

and things to see.

I won't see Daddy for a while, will I?

Oh, not for a while.

But when we come back,

you can spend lots of time with him. Okay?

How do people fall out of love?

Oh, I don't know, it...

it just happens sometimes.

People change.

Will you ever fall out of love with me?

No.

Oh, no. This is different.

I don't think Daddy ever

fell out of love with you.

Debbie, there are some things

you're not quite old enough

to understand yet.

So you're gonna kind of have to

take my word for it.

Daddy and I are just friends now.

Then why did he put

that picture of you in his pocket?

My picture in his pocket?

Mm-hm. Yesterday at our house.

It's all locked up, but Daddy had the key.

What were you doing there?

We took a ride.

Daddy had to get some papers

out of some boxes in the cellar.

The swing had a broken chain,

but he fixed it and

we picked some apples off the tree.

Did you go inside?

Mm-hm. I played my piece on the piano.

It's out of tune.

Daddy was looking at a picture of you.

When he thought I wasn't looking,

he put it in his pocket.

Are you sure?

Mother, I don't think

I ought to go away with you.

Please don't think

I fell out of love with you.

It's just that I think

I ought to stay with Daddy.

Why, darling?

He and Crystal have a lot of fights.

She slams the door,

and then he goes into his study

and sits all alone.

If I were there to cheer him up

and tell him stories and things...

You understand, Mother.

I didn't mean for always,

just till he doesn't feel

so terrible anymore.

Does Crystal feel so terrible, too?

I don't think so.

She's got someone she talks lovey-dovey to

in her bathroom.

The bubbles make me sneeze.

In her bathroom?

On the telephone.

I think it's her riding teacher.

He wears spurs.

Ask Mrs. Fowler.

She's a friend of his, too.

Buck?

That's it! Buck!

Do you know him?

[softly] Yes.

So I don't think Crystal will mind

if I stay with Daddy for a while.

She's so busy, she...

Mother, what are you doing?

- I'm going out.

- Where?

To a party. Lutsi!

But it's so late.

Oh, not too late. Mm!

[upbeat music]

Lutsi!

What's the matter, Mrs. Hilliard?

You are not sick?

Oh, I never felt better in my whole life.

Lutsi, call Lindy's and

get Mike Pearl on the phone.

Tell him to put on his black tie

and get over here fast.

Tell him I'm going big-game hunting

and I need him.

Lindy's? Black tie? Big-game hunting?

I don't understand.

You will!

I've had a whole year

to grow claws, Lutsi.

Jungle Red!

[bright music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

Kay!

Kay.

Hello, Dolly.

What have you done to yourself?

I've never seen anyone

so stripped for action.

Well, that's the idea.

Better find some other place then,

this one couldn't be duller.

Take my advice and stick around.

- [Mike chuckles] Dolly, Pancho.

- But, Kay!

- Good evening.

- We're joining Mr. Fowler's party.

This way, please.

Fowler table.

This way, please.

[indistinct chatter]

Hey. Where are we going?

Stick with me, buster,

and you'll get your name in the papers.

Why, Steven! Hello!

Well, hello, Kay.

Well, you know everyone here, of course.

Oh, of course. Everyone knows everyone.

Sylvia, darling,

I'm sure Buck is going to be

an absolute sensation.

Why, thank you.

If he's only half as good

as he is in the canoe.

Steven, you're looking marvelous.

[Steven]

Well, may I return the compliment?

[Kay]

You certainly may.

An unattached female dotes on compliments.

Don't let her kid you.

You can't sit down in her dressing room,

it's so full of compliments.

Oh, that's right, you're singing again,

aren't you?

Yes. "Plugging tunes."

Ever caught my show, Steven?

No, I'm sorry...

Oh, that's too bad.

But I'm opening in Chicago next week.

If you're not too busy,

why don't you fly up and take a look.

It would sort of be like old times.

And we could use your...

professional touch.

Steven, darling,

you can talk business all day.

All that good music going to waste.

Aren't you going to dance with your wife?

Yeah, yeah. I think we'd better

join our friends.

Well, awfully nice to have seen you all.

Let's dance, Steven.

Yeah.

[music continues]

Look who's here!

- Kay!

- Oh, how wonderful, chri.

- You got room for two more?

- Anytime.

- Kay, this is Philip Webster. Mike Pearl.

- Hello.

- Hello.

- And this is my Hughie. Oh, you know.

And Mrs. Hilliard and Mr. Pearl.

The Mrs. Hilliard?

[Kay]

Well, I'm not sure.

It all depends on

where you're sitting tonight.

[laughter]

I hope I'm not too late.

Oh, no, the show hasn't even started yet.

But the cheering section's here.

[laughter]

I know.

I just stopped by for a little chat.

A little chat?

[orchestra playing]

Hughie, be an angel

and order champagne for everybody.

Never mind. Wait a minute.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

This is Art Mooney and

welcome to the starlit Skylight Room.

To open the show tonight,

our own private line of angels,

the Starlarks.

- [applause]

- [upbeat music playing]

Excuse me.

[Dolly]

Just a minute!

Why, Dolly! You decided to stay after all.

You knew I would.

There's a glint in her eye.

What's it all about?

Well, nothing... yet.

What do you mean, "yet"?

Oh, and it probably

wouldn't even be fit to print.

Oh, come on.

You know the motto of my column,

"from the ridiculous to the slime."

Well, then, perhaps you wouldn't be

beneath a little conspiracy?

Me? I invented it.

What do I do?

Well, it's really quite simple.

The aspirin, ma'am.

Thank you.

- I told you the show was on.

- Too bad it isn't over.

I can't stand cowboys,

even when they're good.

Better give me another one.

- Thank you.

- Aren't you feeling well, Sylvia?

I feel fine.

You know, you're quite a woman.

I don't think

I ever really appreciated you before.

Appreciated?

Oh, we've had our differences.

I guess all women do.

But now that we're in the same boat,

well, I must say that you're being

more civilized about it than I was.

About what?

Crystal, of course.

Sitting at the same table with her

as if you were the very best of friends.

We are the best of friends.

You don't have to be brave for me, Sylvia.

Of all people, I understand.

About what? What are you talking about?

Buck.

Buck?

The way Crystal's taking him

right out from under your nose.

You mean you don't know?

Oh, you must be joking, Sylvia.

I don't believe it.

Who said so?

Crystal.

Oh, well, not directly, of course.

But by way of every salesgirl

and manicurist in town.

And she's not the discreet type, you know.

Well, neither is Buck,

so I guess they make a perfect pair.

Kay Hilliard, you're lying!

Ever since you lost Steven,

you've just been dying to break things up

between Crystal and me!

- Well, let me tell...

- Oh, Sylvia!

- Well, Kay, I haven't seen you in ages!

- Hello, Dolly.

Where have you been keeping yourself?

Oh, just living the quiet life.

Oh, I know, I never could count

on a thing from you.

Well now, don't write me off.

Maybe I have got something.

- Oh no, Kay, you wouldn't!

- A nice, hot little item

about a certain cowboy and

a certain married lady.

Oh, you mean Crystal and Buck Winston?

Old stuff. Everybody in town knows that.

I need something fresh

and appetizing for my readers.

Bless their moronic little hearts.

Why don't you cut his throat

and give me an exclusive?

Oh, Dolly, you were wonderful!

[laughing]

Did you see...?

[knock on door]

Oh, Mrs. Fowler.

Telegrams for Mr. Winston.

I'll take them.

[water running]

[door slams]

Who is it?

[water shuts off]

It's me, darling...

Crystal.

[Buck]

Honey-baby, I wasn't expecting you.

How'd you manage to sneak away from...

Sylvia!

Now, darling, I can explain!

Now, Sylvia!

Mrs. Fowler!

Ma'am!

[music continues]

[applause]

Feel better, dear?

[band plays fanfare]

[Art]

Ladies and gentlemen,

the Skylight Room

takes great pleasure tonight

in introducing a brand new personality...

[Edith]

Here's hoping.

Here's hoping his teeth fall out.

[Art] "Go east, young fellow,"

they told him. "Go east."

And here he is, that Cayuse from Nevada...

Buck Winston!

- [applause]

- [country music playing]

Evening, folks.

Howdy.

I'm, uh, sure glad to be here.

I guess.

I tell you, word of honor,

in all my born days, I...

I've never seen so many pretty ladies.

This is sure going to beat

singing to my horse.

[light laughter]

Home on the range

Things have taken a change

And the range ain't the range anymore

Since the cowboys

have been to the city

The cow songs that sounded so pretty

Now have a beat

that they never had before

Oh, the rock and roll

tumbleweed's rockin' all around

The rock and roll tumbleweed's

rockin' on the ground

The dogies keep swaying to and fro

They don't take the time to feed

Thanks to the rock of

the rock and roll tumbleweed

Oh, yes, indeed

Oh, yes, indeed

They all rock with

the rock and roll tumbleweed

Oh, yes, indeed

Oh, yes, indeed

They all rock with

the rock and roll tumbleweed

To this valley the jazz men are coming

By train and by plane and by bus

All of those New Orleans hot shots

Come to the west just to get

their kicks from us

Oh, yes, indeed

Oh, yes, indeed

Oh, yes, indeed

Oh, yes, indeed

They all rock with

the rock and roll tumbleweed

- ? Tu-tu-tu-tumbleweed?

- ? Oh, yes, indeed?

Oh, yes, indeed

- ? Oh, yes, indeed?

- ? Oh, yes, indeed?

They all rock with

the rock and roll tumbleweed

Please bury me

On the lone prairie

Let the tumbleweed

- ? Rock right over me?

- ? Right over me?

And when you give my grave

that final pat

That final pat

Get me a stone sayin',

"Here Lies a Happy Cat"

[mouthing words]

Oh, yes, oh, yes, indeed

They all rock

with the rock and roll tumble

They all rock with

the rock and roll tumble

They all rock with

the rock and roll tumbleweed

That rock and roll tumbleweed

[applause]

Come on, Buck! Come on back!

Let's go out and wash our hands,

honey-baby.

But he's not finished.

That's what you think.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

[crowd cheering]

- What are you...

- Shhh!

[Crystal]

Buck and me?

[Sylvia]

You heard me.

[Crystal]

No, don't be ridiculous, Sylvia.

You're not stupid enough

to take Kay Hilliard's word for anything.

Oh, I'm not stupid enough

to take anybody's word.

I went straight to the horse's mouth!

I don't believe it.

Buck's not crazy enough...

You haven't got a thing on me.

Why, you little...

Sylvia!

No violence.

Remember, you're a civilized woman.

Oh, look who's talking!

Miss sweetness and light!

You can fight just as dirty as anyone.

That's right. I've been taking lessons

from professionals.

You just can't stand it

because I took Steven away from you.

[Gloria] Watch it, Crystal. Your lease

may be up sooner than you think.

You're all in this together.

But Steven won't fall

for such cheap gossip.

He's a gentleman.

Even a gentleman can be pushed too far!

Especially a gentleman.

- Yes.

- Yes, and I've got plenty on you.

- Plenty!

- What do I care?

Nobody'll believe you.

They'll believe me, dearie.

It's all written down

and reads like a dream!

[laughs]

You know, I may get

the Pulitzer Prize for yellow journalism.

Take my advice, Crystal.

Start thinking about your alimony.

Alimony? Ha!

When I get through testifying,

Steven won't have to give her a dime!

And suppose I don't need it?

[Gloria]

What are you going to use for money?

Buck Winston.

He's closing tomorrow.

[Countess laughs]

Who would have suspected it of Buck?

He's a sensation, an absolute sensation!

[gasps]

You're to be congratulated, Sylvia.

I hear they're going to sign him

for a year.

[clattering]

Oh! Have I... have I interrupted anything?

So, I don't think we'll need you, Sylvia,

or the Skylight Room.

After tonight,

Buck can write his own ticket anywhere.

We may even go out to California.

The smog will be so refreshing.

[jazz music playing]

Waiter.

Yes, ma'am?

Tell Mr. Hilliard over there

that his wife wants to see him.

Yes, Mrs. Hilliard.

Pardon me, Mr. Hilliard,

your wife would like to see you, sir.

Excuse me.

[no audio]

[man 1] And don't get swallowed up

by any of those big-time agents.

A personal manager is all you need.

[man 2]

Now, wait a minute,

- you want Las Vegas?

- Buck!

- You got it, I'll guarantee you 15 Gs.

- Buck!

- [woman] Well!

- [all murmuring]

Mr. Winston, I do hope

you'll be able to make it for the weekend.

I'm presuming you ride.

Yes, ma'am, I sure do.

Anything from coyotes to Cadillacs!

[laughter]

Buck, darling, can I see you for a moment?

Yeah, sure. Excuse me, folks.

Oh, of course.

Oh, you k*lled them tonight, cowboy!

I'm so proud of you I could just...

I know, but honey-baby,

this ain't exactly the place.

Why not?

Sylvia knows all about us.

Yeah, she sure does.

And so does Steven.

- Steven?

- I stopped off on the way here.

We had a little talk.

We both had a chance to say

exactly the way we feel about each other.

You're through?

It was short and sweet.

Well, anyway, short.

So here I am, darling.

Free!

That's too bad,

'cause I ain't.

You're married?

Oh, no, and I ain't aimin' to be,

not for a long time.

Well, I'll wait.

Thirty or 40 years... ma'am?

[upbeat music]

I must get back to my Hughie!

[indistinct chatter]

Oh, waiter,

would you tell Mr. Hilliard

his wife would like to see him?

Yes, Mrs. Hilliard.

Anything wrong?

I only work here.

[slow music playing]

No, it's just that I have a number of

business appointments tomorrow...

Pardon me, Mr. Hilliard.

Your wife wants to see you.

I've seen her, thanks.

Not this one, you haven't.

[music continues]

We're going to have another baby, Daddy.

Oh, Edith! Not again!

Hope it's a little boy.

[music continues]

[jazz music]