Top End Wedding (2019)

[bunniefuu]

(MAN SPEAKS TIWI)

MAN: It's a beautiful day

for these two young people

to get married.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

WOMAN: Daphne!

Daphne! (SPEAKS TIWI)

(PANTS)

Oh! Oh!

(DISTANT VOICES APPROACH)

WOMAN: Daphne! (SPEAKS TIWI)

(ALL YELL)

(YELLING VOICES APPROACH)

SONG: Three, six, nine

The goose drank wine

The monkey chew tobacco

on the streetcar line

The line broke,

the monkey got choked

And they all went to heaven

in a little rowboat

Clap, pat, clap, pat

Clap, pat, clap, slap

Clap, pat

Clap your hands

Pat it on your partner's hand

Right hand

Clap, pat

Clap your hands

Cross it with your left arm

Pat your partner's left palm

Left palm

Clap, clap

Clap your hands,

pat your partner's right palm

With your right palm again

Clap, slap

Clap your hands

Slap your thighs

And sing a little song, go

My mother told me

My mama told me

If I was goody

If I was goody

(SONG CONTINUES AS RINGTONE)

That she would buy me

A rubber dolly...

Not now. (SIGHS)

That'll help.

(GROANS)

Bugger!

(SIGHS)

- You ready?

- Oh! Hampton!

Uh, of course.

HAMPTON: Like that confidence.

Keep that.

Actually, I'm kinda

freaking out.

Lauren, I'm not gonna tell you

you'll be fine. I'm not your...

- Mother. I know.

- Really?

Because right now, you are

acting like the girlie-girl

who doesn't want to wear

her big-girl pants.

I want to wear

the big-girl pants. I do.

Good.

Hide the heel,

brush down your collar,

and for Pete's sake,

don't let them see the feet.

Were you serious

about our deal?

Have you ever known me

not to be serious?

MAN: Really? Now we're

prosecuting old ladies?

What's next, sick babies?

MAN 2: Shoplifting's

a serious crime, Ned.

NED: Oh, yeah,

real life-and-death stuff.

What did she steal?

Incontinence pads?

(CHUCKLES) Exactly.

- Really?

- Two boxes.

Oh! Two boxes! Well, then!

On eight separate occasions.

Wow. That's

a very leaky bladder.

Regardless, can we just

let her have them?

Excuse me?

When she needs to go,

she needs to go.

Then she needs to pay for them.

You really want to take her

to court, don't you?

I want you to take her

to court, Ned.

That's your job.

(SOBS)

Would you like some tissues,

Mrs Ruthers?

No, no, no. T-tissues

for the eyes, not for down...

..your...leaky bladder.

(MRS RUTHERS SOBS)

(GROANS)

- Case dismissed.

- (CHOKES)

- I dismiss. You can't dismiss!

- I just did.

- Did he?

- No.

- You can't say that! She does!

- I just said that!

The charges are dropped. You

can go home now, Mrs Ruthers.

You can't do that!

She says that!

Yes, I can!

- Can I?

- Um...I...

No! The answer is no!

My office.

- Sugar?

- No, thank you.

Actually, yes, please.

Actually, no.

No, I'm gonna be good.

You know why

your dad was a great lawyer?

He used to come into

my courtroom in odd socks,

shirt inside out,

notes written on napkins.

He was the best because

he knew why he was doing it.

We only get one shot at this.

Don't waste it turning

my courtroom into a shambles.

C'tait superbe

de faire votre connaissance.

- Au revoir, madame.

- bientt.

Au revoir, messieurs!

Bonne journe!

- (SIGHS)

- You know what this means?

- I got the...

- You have to work nights.

Right, of course.

But...I'm an associate?

That was the deal.

(SQUEALS)

S-sorry.

Got another pair, so...

NED: I've had

a pretty important day, babe.

I've got some big news.

- I quit my job.

- (WHIMPERS)

Don't hate me.

(WHINES)

That's not helpful.

OK, let's try this hand first.

Will you marry me?

(WHIMPERS)

Yeah, let's go with

that one first, shall we?

- (DOOR CLOSES)

- sh*t! Uh...

- I have to tell you something!

- I have to ask you something.

You first.

No, go on.

OK.

So, today,

I met some French

businessmen...

Marry me?

Yes!

Bloody yes!

SONG: What you find

I think I love you

What you feel now

I feel I need you

What you know

(PHONE BUZZES)

To be real, yeah

Ooh, yeah...

- (CORK POPS)

- (LAUREN SQUEALS)

- NED: Wahey!

- (LAUGHS)

Hey, so, tell me your news.

I made associate!

That's great!

Oh, hold on a second.

Does that mean you're

stuck with Cruella de Vil?

- Would that be so bad?

- Uh, yes.

Why? Because

she's a powerful woman?

Are you kidding me?

I love powerful women.

I just don't think

they all need

a secret lair

and a hairless cat.

She doesn't have a secret lair.

She has a hairless cat, Lauren.

I've seen it. It's disgusting!

- Oh, OK. OK.

- Hey, no.

Let me raise a glass.

You deserve this.

Thank you.

Now, there is one little

proposal disclaimer.

If we're gonna get married...

..let's just do it

straightaway, yeah?

None of this

year-long engagement crap.

"Engagement crap"?

How romantic.

No, all I'm saying is...

the sooner, the better.

The next few months are good.

I've got, um...a work window.

What work window?

Oh, no, I just got given

a short, um... (CLEARS THROAT)

..bonus...hiatus thingy

after winning the old lady

her freedom for her.

(PHONE BUZZES, PLAYS 'TREATY')

- Oh! No, no, no, no, no!

- You're kidding me!

No, no. Hey, hey, hey!

Give it back.

- Does she ever go home?

- (LAUGHS) Come on.

Hi.

Oh. Now?

U-um...sure.

I'll be on my way.

Yep, I've got that.

Yes.

No, no, I'm just...I'm just...

No, it's Ned. Not Fred.

I'm not far away.

OK. I'll see you soon.

- Bye.

- (DOOR CLOSES)

I quit my job!

RINGTONE: My mother told me

My mama told me

If I was goody

If I was goo...

Sorry.

(SIGHS WEARILY)

(PHONE DINGS)

Sorry. Again.

Are you stoned?

Whoa! What? No!

- Your eyes are all bloodshot.

- It's 4am.

Am I keeping you?

- No, I just...

- (DESK WHIRRS)

- Oh, w-we're going down now?

- Come on.

Out with it.

A ballerina cannot pirouette

with a carrot up her backside.

I-I don't know what that means.

You've got to remove

that carrot.

If you don't, then I will,

and believe me...

It's Ned.

Ah.

The carrot...

..has a name.

We just got engaged, see?

And I should be excited,

but he said this thing

about getting married

before the promotion kicks in,

but I don't know

what the rush is...

- His gumnuts are shrinking.

- Excuse me?

You're gonna be making

more money than he does

and he can feel it

in his little gumnuts,

and he does not like it.

I don't think there's anything

wrong with his gumnuts.

He wants to close the deal

before it's too late.

The deal?

Lauren.

Do you want to marry him

or not?

I really do.

But he's just so...

At Hampton and Associates,

when we have a problem

to solve, what do we do?

Solve it?

Step it out.

- Whoa!

- MACHINE: Incline.

I haven't been coaching you

for five years

to lose you to some

domestic twaddle.

Thigh burner.

Mind you...

..some clients,

they like a married lawyer.

They're not gonna get that

from me.

I'll give you 10 days without

pay, then you're back to work.

- Deal?

- Deal.

Good.

- Cool down.

- Stop this.

Leave it. Go home.

- Thank you!

- Goodbye.

10 days.

- NED: 10 days?

- LAUREN: Yep.

So, quickly, get dressed.

I meant the next few months,

not the next few days!

I called your brother. He's

taking us to the airport in 20.

The airport? Lauren!

I always imagined

getting married back home.

You want to fly to Darwin

today?

Are you having second thoughts?

No. No, I want to get married.

To you, specifically.

I just don't get the bit

about Darwin and today.

- What's the rush?

- We can talk on the plane.

You've never even

taken me up there.

You never even talk about home.

Now, all of a sudden,

you want to go up there?

Yes. I know it doesn't make

sense, but it feels right.

Our parents will get to meet.

It'll be perfect.

(SIGHS) Lauren,

this is all very confusing.

I know I'm coming across

unhinged,

but something tells me

that if I don't get married

back up home,

I'll always regret it.

I've always been able

to see it.

Both my parents

walking me down the aisle.

My old girlfriends

all dressed up.

The Darwin heat. The air.

I just can't imagine it

anywhere else.

NED: Have you got

his flea treatment?

- LAUREN: Yep.

- Yeah?

And his brush? We want him

looking good for the wedding.

- Uh-huh.

- Both leashes?

Ned, whatever you've told me to

pack for Cher, I've packed it.

- OK.

- WOMAN: Right, out with it.

How far along?

When are you due?

Hello, Mother.

- She's not pregnant, Mother.

- What tosh!

No-one gets married this quickly

unless there's a baby

on the way.

- Morning, Lauren.

- Morning, Robbie.

So, are you gonna

find out the sex

or you gonna wait

for it to be a surprise?

You're making this wedding

all about you.

What about me?

We're just meant to drop

everything and fly to Darwin!

It's important to Lauren. It...

It's important to both of us

that we get married in Darwin.

I thought you were from

the Tiwi Islands.

Mum's from the Tiwi Islands.

I grew up in Darwin.

So, what are we talking?

Are we talking...

..didgeridoos

and tribal dancing?

- Face paint?

- NED AND ROBBIE: Mum!

I wish Dad could come.

He would have loved you.

I love her too, Ned.

That's not what I'm saying.

We know.

(CICADAS CHIRP)

So, don't forget, Mum loves

the place clean and tidy.

Oh, and Dad has this thing

about men dressing up as boys,

so tuck your shirt in.

- I'm wearing a T-shirt.

- No, tuck your shirt in.

- I'm not a tucker.

- No, tuck your shirt in!

- I don't tuck the tee, Lauren!

- Have some manners!

Hey, you should be thankful

I don't dress like that guy.

Tuck in the tee! (CHUCKLES)

Dad?!

Oi! What are you wearing

pyjamas for?

Slept in.

Hey, come on, now.

It's three in the afternoon.

Shame job!

Didn't have time to clean up.

Can you please

just open the boot?

(LAUREN SIGHS)

Finally get to meet you

in person. Hello.

What's that thing?

Oh, this is Cher.

Cher, say hello

to your grandfather.

- (CHER WHINES)

- Oh, yeah!

Ohh! He likes you.

What do you want to be called?

Uh, Grandpa?

Grampy? Gramps?

Poppa?

Pappy...Pappy Bear?

Pop?

Put the sh*t on your laps.

MAN: Get off the friggin' road!

(HONKS HORN)

Put your indicator on,

you d*ck!

You trying to be Santa or what?

Forgot to shave.

I've never seen pyjamas

with shorts. Huh!

(CHER GROWLS)

Eugh!

Dad, what's going on?

Where's Mum?

(SOBS)

('IF YOU LEAVE ME NOW'

BY CHICAGO PLAYS)

If you leave me now

You'll take away

the biggest part of me...

(SOBS)

Ooh, no, baby,

please don't go

And if you leave me now...

That's all she wrote?

"I'm done"? That's it?

Well, I just woke up

and she was gone.

I tried calling her

and...found that.

Mint tea?

She tried calling me

a couple times.

She called? When?

- Biscuit?

- I don't know. A few days ago.

- What, and you didn't pick up?

- Dad, I've been busy.

- Well, I didn't say nothing.

- Don't try to blame me.

I didn't say nothing!

- Is this her phone?

- BOTH: Yes!

You didn't think

to tell me all this

when I called to say we were

coming up to get married?

- In 10 days.

- In 10 days!

I thought maybe

she'd be back by now.

"I'm done." It doesn't sound

very good, does it?

Arggh!

Oh, sh*t.

"The things unsaid

were getting too loud.

"Ignoring each other

is not what we vowed.

"Not even my daughter

will pick up the phone,

"So I'm leaving you all

to go it alone."

Not much of a poet, eh?

(CHUCKLES)

- Oh...

- (DOOR OPENS)

- Wait for it.

- (DOOR CLOSES)

- ('IF YOU LEAVE ME NOW' PLAYS)

- Huh! Amazing.

(GROANS)

If you leave me now

You'll take away

the biggest part of me...

(CHER WHINES)

Lauren, you can't leave me

alone with him.

Let me come with you.

- To my hens' night?

- Why not?

I don't mind eating p*nis cake

or...whatever it is you do

at these things.

What am I supposed to do with

him? Slow-dance in the pantry?

Just turn on the footy.

Really? He likes his football?

Who does he support?

Aussie Rules, dickhead.

We're in the NT.

NED: Oh, Lauren!

I hate Aussie Rules!

Oh, my God!

Can you at least pretend

like you care

that my family's falling apart?

I do care, Lauren.

I'm getting married to you...

- Not anymore.

- What?

I mean, not anymore...

I mean...now.

I didn't know

this was gonna happen.

But I can't get married

if my mum isn't here.

I still want you

to be my husband.

We'll get married in a month

or two when she's back.

This whole 10-day thing

was stupid anyway.

Can you call the Adelaide mob?

Give 'em the bad news?

Th-they're already

booking their flights!

Uh-huh. Then do it quickly.

Hold on a second. Hold on!

So you get to go out with

your friends and eat p*nis cake

while I stay here with Pantry

Man and disappoint my family?

Pantry Man? f*ck...

Exactly.

I'll just have one drink,

tell the girls and come home.

- One drink!

- One drink, yeah.

(LOUD DANCE MUSIC THUMPS)

- Tiwi Tiwi!

- Whoo-hoo!

Oh, don't!

Toodoi straws? Really?

They didn't have

any black ones.

I think the party store

is a bit r*cist.

Why would she be wanting

black toodoi

when she getting white toodoi?

Don't start!

Oh, only one toodoi for you now!

I haven't had toodoi

in a while.

Oh, my God!

You mob got no shame!

Hey, cudjerie,

we're just getting warmed up.

Now, give me my white toodoi!

COMMENTATOR: Centring ball,

Rioli! The one-on-one!

- (WHISTLE BLOWS)

- Oh, outstanding play.

- (CHER GROWLS)

- And he makes no mistake.

Loosen up, cudjerie!

You're not in some

fancy courtroom now.

You're at Throb

with your sister girls!

Oi. I need to tell you

something.

- Shots!

- Hairy nuts!

Three hairy nuts for us

and a waxed nut for Lauren.

Oh, but I love hair on my nuts!

f*ck it.

('ESCAPADE' BY JANET JACKSON

PLAYS)

(WOMEN CHEER)

Our song, sis!

Alright, you mob,

it's been a while.

Now, you reckon we can do this?

Ha ha! OK.

(DRUM INTRO)

As I was walking by

Saw you standing there

with a smile

ALAN RICKMAN: Another orphan

of a bankrupt culture

who thinks he's John Wayne.

Rambo? Marshall Dillon?

BRUCE WILLIS: I was partial

to Roy Rogers, actually.

You know in Darwin

we've got this thing

called the pizza delivery boy?

Yeah. Mm-hm. Mmm.

- Yippee-ki-yay, motherf...

- (BARKS)

Looking shy,

you caught my eye

Thought you'd want to hang

for a while

(CHEERING)

Well, I'd like to be with you

And, you know,

it's Friday too...

MAN: You know, we've got

a pool going on you.

What kind of odds am I getting?

MAN: You don't want to know.

BRUCE WILLIS:

Put me down for 20.

(BOTH GROAN)

LAUREN: That's terrifying!

Look at it!

WOMAN: Come on, sissy,

have some.

Eugh! Nah.

Don't be stupid! Get away.

- Don't sit there!

- Come on, have a slice.

Alright, you mob, we got

dress fitting at 10am tomorrow,

so that's enough p*nis cake.

Why'd you book it so early?

Because that's the only time

they could fit us in, eff ya!

Look, this one didn't give us

much time

to pull this b*stard together,

so stop your whingeing

and bring it in.

Come on. Come on. Good girl.

(ALL GIGGLE)

Now, Lauren, when I first

met you at school,

I thought you was

the biggest nerd.

Now look at you.

- Still a nerd.

- (ALL LAUGH)

But a deadly big lawyer nerd

who's come back from Adelaide

to get married, ah!

(ALL CHEER)

Married, married, married!

She getting married!

She gonna put a ring

on that finger!

Oi, sis. It's been five years.

Let's not leave it

another five, eh?

- Promise.

- Promise.

- Promise.

- Promise!

- Promise!

- Promise!

- Louder.

- Promise!

- Promise!

- Pinky!

- Hey, pinky.

- Pinky.

Promise. Pinky.

ALL: Cudjeries unite!

(ALL LAUGH)

- Here, now. Selfie.

- Selfie, selfie!

Just a...

Just a real...solid movie.

Yeah?

(SOBS)

- Bye, sissy.

- Bye.

Wedding cancelled.

I'm not a man anymore.

Sure you are.

No, no.

Bruce Willis is a real man.

(SOBS) He walked through glass

for his woman.

What do I do?

Just sit here

listening to '80s chick music.

I can't handle

another saxophone solo.

It's not so bad.

Oh, yeah, what would you know?

You're about to get married.

No idea you're stepping into

a life of...misery.

And broken promises.

Weddings are nothing but a

pretty bow on a box full of...

- sh*t.

- Yeah, exactly. (SOBS)

Ned?

Hey, Pop?

Uh...can I borrow your...

..car?

(SNORES)

(HORN HONKS OUTSIDE)

- I'll look after it, Pop.

- MAN: (CALLS OUT) Hello?

Anybody home? Hello?

NED: One second. Coming.

MAN: Oh. Hey, mate,

she fell asleep in my cab.

NED: Thank you.

I'll take it from here.

MAN: You owe me 15 bucks.

And a tip.

What's going on?

You said

we couldn't get married

without your mum

at the wedding.

So we're gonna go and find her.

You're serious?

If you don't want to get

married, I'll turn around.

I didn't say that.

If I turn around, though,

that is it.

Calm down!

I'm not saying... I'm just...

Oh.

Oh, give me a second.

Lauren, I'm 33 years old, yeah?

Now, maybe

you don't feel this, but...

..I see a room that's slowly

filling up with boxes,

and when that room is full,

I'm dead.

Now, right now,

there's a lot of crap in there.

Cheap boxes

that are falling apart.

Boxes so boring, I don't even

remember what's in them.

But a life with you...

..being married to you,

that's a whole bunch

of bright, shiny boxes

full of...diamonds and...

..fairy floss.

Look at where I am

because of you.

I'm in the Top End

of the country.

Already, my boxes

are looking brighter.

So, how do you know we're

going in the right direction?

Well, I checked

your mum's call history.

The last call she made

was to you,

but the call before that,

I called it.

It was a hotel in Kakadu.

But wait - did you call

the Adelaide mob?

Did you cancel the wedding?

Did you tell the girls?

Guess we'd better

go find her, then.

('DOWN UNDER' BY NABARLEK BAND

PLAYS)

Travelling in

a brand-new troopie

On a bininj trail

full of stories

I met a strange daluk

She made me nervous

She took me in

and gave me manme...

- Chuck us your dress.

- Here.

And she say, "Do you come

from a land down under?

"Where daluk smile

and bininj plunder?

"Can you hear, can you hear

the thunder?

"You'd better run,

you'd better take cover"

Buying bread from a man

in Darwin

He was six foot four...

WOMAN: (ON PHONE)

Let's stop. Wait. Wait!

Cudjerie, where the heck

are you now?

LAUREN: Breathe, girls. I'm

just saying start without me.

We'll sweep into Kakadu,

pick up Mum and be back

before you can say, "Damn,

girl! You look deadly in that!"

Stop the car!

- NED: What do you mean?

- Turn in there!

Lauren, what the heck is

going on with this wedding?

WOMAN 2: Give me

the phone, Edgar!

WOMAN 1: Your hand's

got sauce all over it.

- NED: Where are you going?

- Put down the pie!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Why?

Why did she sell her car?

This was your mum's?

Why would you drive three hours

only to dump your car?

Maybe...maybe she wanted

a new one?

There's nothing wrong

with this car, Ned.

What's this car doing

in your yard?

(GROANS)

MAN: One lady come along here,

we paid cash for it.

MAN 2: We gave her seven grand.

LAUREN: The lady

who owns this car

sold it to you for seven grand?

MAN: Yeah.

She didn't trade it in,

just sold it!

Took cash. Cash!

I don't like it, Ned. What

the hell is she up to out here?

Let's just get to the hotel

and ask her, yeah?

- Come on, then.

- Right.

P.A.: The next tour group to

the wetlands begins at 11:30.

Please meet at the 'tour group'

sign outside the complex.

Don't look so excited.

What do you want from me? We're

walking into a giant crocodile.

LAUREN: Just let me

do the talking, OK?

NED: OK. OK, Lauren.

Yeah, you do the talking.

Not another word.

You're the boss.

- LAUREN: Look, my mother...

- NED: We're getting married.

- WOMAN: Really?

- Yeah.

Yeah, we're just up here

looking for wedding venues.

We've got, uh...

What was it, babe?

400, 500 guests coming?

They'll all need rooms.

That's not...

We have a fantastic

function venue.

That's exactly what

our mum said.

But we wanted to see

for ourselves,

so we came here to meet her,

but, um...

You see, her mum's having

a bit of a mid-life crisis...

- She is not.

- What was her name again?

- Daffy.

- Daphne Ford.

- Daphne Ford.

- NED: Daphne Ford.

- (WOMAN SIGHS)

- Is there a problem?

Wow.

Big night.

WOMAN: She was with

the French helicopter pilot.

I've got the photos

to prove it.

Thanks, Travis.

LAUREN: Ohh...

I threw her out wearing

not much more than a...

Hat.

That her?

Yep.

You can pick her things up

at reception.

FRENCHMAN: It was as if she had

a thousand years

of repressed sexual...

(LAUREN INTERJECTS IN FRENCH)

I'll never experience a night

of passion like that again.

Sensuous. Frenzied. Insane.

Believe me, she was animal.

- Do you know where she went?

- Ah. Merci beaucoup.

Uh...to fulfil her dream.

Dream? What dream?

To hitchhike like hippie

on motorbike.

- It's a foolish dream, but...

- Where to?

To Katherine.

- Did you say hitchhike?

- Ouais.

- On a motorbike?

- Ouais.

To Katherine?

(AUSTRALIAN ACCENT) sh*t.

- Une minute.

- Mm-hm.

Quit ear-bashing me, love.

Yeah, she caught a knee-dragger

to Katherine. Now, bugger off!

(FRENCH ACCENT) OK!

Time to fly, ma jolie!

Allez, allez! Le seatbelt.

Allez, allez!

Au revoir, au revoir!

Allez, allez, allez!

Hlicoptre! Chop chop chop!

Allez, allez. Voil.

On y va. Au revoir!

I want to stab him

with that cheese knife!

- You sure about this?

- Yep.

You want to go back to Darwin

and get married

without your mum?

Why not?

She got married to Dad without

inviting her mother to theirs.

What do you mean?

I told you this story.

No.

You told me your mum

hasn't spoken to her family

since she was 18.

Lauren?

I don't know my Tiwi nanna,

so I don't know

her side of the story,

but essentially, my mum left

some Tiwi fella at the altar,

eloped with my dad

and never went back.

If she can do that

to her mother,

then I can do it to mine.

We can still find her.

I don't care anymore.

- Let's keep looking.

- (PHONE DINGS)

We've got so much to organise,

I don't know where to start.

(PHONE DINGS REPEATEDLY)

I've got hundreds of messages

from the Adelaide mob,

from the bridesmaids,

all asking me different...

- NED: Hey.

- LAUREN: Ned?

- Do you know this area well?

- Yeah.

LAUREN: Great.

Great. Talking to myself.

NED: Seen anyone on

a knee-dragger riding around?

Alright. Worth trying. Thanks.

(TIWI FOLK MUSIC PLAYS)

(WOMEN SING

TRADITIONAL TIWI SONG)

(TRADITIONAL TIWI SONG

CONTINUES)

(SINGS TRADITIONAL SONG)

(CONTINUES SINGING)

You want to suck on

my salty plums?

No?

- (TYRES SQUEAL)

- Whoa!

What are you doing?!

We're going to Katherine.

(ENGINE ROARS)

I don't know

what Mum's doing there,

but we're gonna find out.

NED: How many bars you got?

Two.

- (RINGING TONE)

- It's ringing.

LAUREN: Dad?

Where's my car?

What you doing?

Walking your stupid dog.

Don't call Cher stupid, Dad!

Dad, just listen carefully,

because I can't believe

I'm asking you this...

- Where's my car?

- We have your stupid car.

Don't call her stupid!

Dad, listen. I need you

to plan the wedding.

Hey, sorry, can we

take a photo?

- So cute!

- Uh, yeah, sure! (LAUGHS)

No, no, no, the whole wedding.

Venue, celebrant, flowers,

candles, canaps.

Bloody everything.

- Perfect. So cute.

- Thanks for that.

Yeah, no. No worries, love.

Dad, are you listening?

God willing we find Mum tonight

and you're off the hook, but...

What, you found her?

Wh-where are you?

No, no, no, Dad. It's...

How'd she look? Is she OK?

She's fine. We haven't

found her yet, but we're close.

I'm coming.

No, Dad! Just...

I need you there, OK?

If she sees me

and hears about the wedding,

maybe she'll put this whole

romantic adventure behind her.

- Romantic?

- Shh! Don't say...

- Who's she there with?

- No-one.

Yeah, I'll bet it's

that personal trainer Hugo.

She's been training with that

poser for the last six months.

Hasn't lost a pound.

She's not with Hugo, Dad.

Then what's so romantic

about it?

She's alone.

Dad, I need you now, OK?

I'll find Mum,

you organise the wedding.

Dad, are you listening? Dad!

It's time to send in

the big g*n.

Big g*n?

(SNORES)

(CAR PULLS UP)

(CHER GROWLS)

(CAR DRIVES OFF)

(FOOTSTEPS)

Trevor Ford?

What?

Lauren's father?

Have I got the right place?

Are Ronelle, Dana

and, uh, Kailah here yet?

Oh...I don't think so. Why?

Your daughter made my firm

a lot of money

in the last quarter,

and I do not intend to lose her

to some 'no place like home'

la-la fantasy.

She's put me in charge

of this event

and I intend to take charge.

Now, I am no wedding planner,

but I am a planner.

So let's hop to it.

Eh?

(CALLS OUT) Ned?

Is your name Lauren?

Hop in.

Good morning, almost wife.

Good morning, almost husband.

Is that eggs Benedict?

Your favourite, right?

I found all this camping gear

under the car seats.

Shall we?

Listen, um...

Before we left home, uh,

this little thing happened

at work and, um...

Oh, my God!

It's like a restaurant!

Really?

Oh, great.

Thank you.

Come on, then.

Bon apptit.

Mm-hm.

Cake!

Yes!

WOMAN: Oh, come on!

That's too easy!

Yeah, one trip to the Cheesecake

Shop. That's it, done.

Excuse me! Do either of you

know how to make a cake?

Yeah, like you're gonna

make it yourself.

No debate, ladies! Next.

Flowers?! I don't know anything

about bloody flowers!

Here. Give me cake.

Sure. I'll do flowers!

Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh!

No swapping. Next.

- Decorations.

- HAMPTON: Perfect.

That is enough, ladies.

I'm doing cake!

You wouldn't know wedding cake

if it landed between your legs!

At least I got things

landing between my legs!

Oh, yeah, what, Rodney Roberts?

- That's a bit crusty.

- No! Rodney Roberts?

That was, like, five years ago!

(WOMEN ARGUE)

('IF YOU LEAVE ME NOW' PLAYS)

(TREVOR SOBS)

- If you leave me now...

- (TREVOR SINGS ALONG, SOBS)

Lucky he's not doing music, eh?

LAUREN: I remember going on

one of them tours.

School camp.

Year eight or something.

I remember because one of

the Jawoyn rangers taught us

the local word for

'saltwater crocodile'

and then this boy yells out,

"Hey, Lauren, why don't you

speak Aboriginal?"

Everyone laughed.

I wanted to punch that kid

so bad.

But then I realised it wasn't

the boy I was angry with.

It was the fact

I didn't know the answer.

I don't know why my mum

didn't want to teach me Tiwi.

I don't want to do that

to our kids.

I just don't know

how to avoid it.

(CALLS OUT) Ned!

Talking to my bloody self

again!

Lauren!

Ned?!

Ned, what are you doing?

What?

Your mum's hat!

From the hotel!

Yes! Yes, that's her hat!

- Oof! Sorry. Sorry.

- GIRL: Ow!

Coming through, coming through!

We've found her!

- (LAUGHS)

- WOMAN: What are you doing?

MAN: Hey, whitefella,

we're in the middle of a tour!

(AMERICAN ACCENT)

Get your hands off me!

(AMERICAN ACCENT) Hey, chill!

Relax, man!

Oh, sh*t. You're not Daffy.

WOMAN: Of course I'm not Daffy!

NED: Sorry, everybody.

I think I stepped on your foot.

Gentlemen,

I just want to apologise.

- Hey, watch out, daddy-o!

- No, sorry. Here, sorry.

I just want to apologise.

We're on a bit of a man-hunt.

Well, a mum-hunt.

I'm actually engaged

to an Aboriginal woman.

She's just over there.

Sorry, everybody. Carry on.

It's a lovely spot.

Lovely spot.

No, no, no.

It wasn't like that.

MAN: We didn't steal the hat,

OK? She gave it to us.

Why would she do that?

Because she was

a lot more chill than you.

Hey, come on. Play nice.

WOMAN: Look, your mom

was a hoot, OK?

First Aboriginal hitchhiker

we've ever picked up.

Anyway, we start

rolling a fatty...

What?

Then she tells us

she's never smoked pot before.

What's that?

We thought it was rude

not to share it with her, so...

You...smoked marijuana

with my mother?

For a first-timer,

she was amazing.

Didn't cough or nothing...

OK, OK, how about

we just cut to the bit

where you tell us where she is?

Uh...

Prison.

- MAN: Hey, cuz! (LAUGHS)

- LAUREN: Braydon!

Fianc Ned, cousin Braydon.

Cool, bra. How's it hangin'?

Oh, yeah,

a little bit to the left.

Yeah, me too.

So, I guess you're here

about, uh...

What happened?

(LAUGHS) Oh, sh*t!

Oh! Whoo! (LAUGHS)

Oh, wait till you hear

this one, cuz!

(SIGHS)

So, I'm on patrol, right?

And I pull over this rust bucket

so full of smoke,

it looked like they're having

a smoking ceremony inside.

Before I open my door,

a couple of backpackers

make a run for it

straight into the bush.

I couldn't be arsed

chasing them,

so I take a peek

inside their car and...

..ooh, I nearly fell over

from shock!

Aunty Daff laid out in the back,

getting all Bob Marley and sh*t.

Proper shame job, eh? (CACKLES)

- It wasn't her pot.

- Yeah, yeah, I know.

- So why did you arrest her?

- Oh, come on, cuz.

Had your mum yelling at me

all morning.

I was just doing my job.

OK, can you just hurry up

so we can see her?

I didn't bloody book her. Nah.

Just locked her up

till she was sober,

copped a lecture

and set her loose.

(BOTH GROAN)

You right, cuz?

She right?

Officer, do you have

a detective in the building?

Um...

Cheeky Wendy sometimes pops in.

Yeah, we're gonna need

to speak to a detective asap.

- Huh?

- Huh?

As I'm sure you're aware,

in the District Court,

a drug trafficking offence...

It was just a little fella.

..could inflict a penalty

of $200,000.

- Whoa, whoa!

- Wait a second!

- Or 15 years in prison.

- Ned!

Go ahead.

Look it up on your computer.

LAUREN: What are you doing?

We're gonna need all your team

working on the case,

and don't make me lodge a 25A.

We all know how tedious that

paperwork can get. Am I right?

So...

..what you're saying is...

..you want us to find her?

- Yes.

- Can you?

But she not even lost.

- What?

- Mum picked her up.

Great!

That's...that's good, isn't it?

Braydon's mum,

she's kind of a...

Pain in the arse.

OK. But maybe

they're still together.

Where do we find your mum?

(LAUGHS)

She gone fishin'.

WOMAN: She didn't sleep

with that Frenchie.

He bats for the other side!

Auntie, come on!

How was I meant to know?

AUNTIE: Well,

the whole Top End knows!

LAUREN: (GROANS) Yeah, alright.

So, tell me, then,

where is she?

Don't humbug me with questions

when you already know

the answer.

If I knew the answer, I wouldn't

be on a wild goose chase.

Wild goose?

Don't you mean jungle fowl?

Huh?

AUNTIE: That's one of

your dances, girl.

Now, sit down and have a cuppa.

- No tea. I just want...

- Did you say milk or sugar?

LAUREN: Neither.

Please, just tell me straight.

Uh, Lauren?

When you dropped her

at the bus,

did she say

where she was going?

Of course.

Well, why don't you just tell me

where she went?

- I can.

- Thank you.

But I won't.

Oh, Jesus!

He can't help. Nah.

Where do you go

to mend a broken heart?

The doctor?

Is she always like this?

When my boy's had a rough day

locking up them wild ones

and hurting real bad,

what does he do?

He comes here to Mummy one.

Fill his belly with a big feed.

He's happy boy.

When you're hurting,

where do you go looking?

For Mum.

Ah.

And your Mummy one?

When she hurt?

I'm sorry, what?

Where's your mum now?

Tiwi.

(WOMEN CHATTER IN BACKGROUND)

- Should I be touching this?

- Take it off!

Hey, no need to snatch!

Hey, Unc.

Sounds like old times.

Bet you're glad those are over.

I'd take 'em back

in a heartbeat.

You know, I probably shouldn't

be talking about this stuff

with you, Uncle,

but ever since my kids' dad

ran off with that skank,

I haven't exactly had much luck

with muligahs.

That is until I went

to a friend's wedding

a few months back

and I met this budju of a man.

And I'm telling you,

we had a night

that started off

like a Disney movie

and ended like a XXX...

Ronelle!

My point is,

weddings change people.

Not just the bride and groom.

We make this wedding

as romantic as possible

and you'll get Auntie back.

(WOMEN ARGUE)

Oi, you mob! Shut your holes

and get your rings in the car!

You want me to check your Keno?

No.

WOMAN: Dunno what

you're moaning about.

- Here, are you driving?

- (WOMEN CHATTER)

Excuse me? We got a wedding

to put together.

Yes, we know.

Yeah, and people are

trying to sleep.

People should be up by now.

If they're not up by now,

they're wasting their lives.

Oh, rightio, Mum!

OK, big shot, let's not

waste our lives away.

- Where to first?

- We gotta go Casuarina.

Then we gotta go out

to Winnellie.

Then we have to go

Mindil Beach markets.

- (HORN HONKS)

- See you, Uncle!

(EAGLE CRIES)

Can you pull over?

- Stop, stop.

- OK, OK.

(EAGLE CRIES)

(WHISTLES)

- Ready?

- Yeah.

(STARTS ENGINE)

- (BANG!)

- (ENGINE STOPS)

That's weird.

Try it again.

(CRANKS ENGINE)

(ENGINE SPLUTTERS)

(ENGINE STOPS)

What kind of fuel did you use?

Just...normal.

You know, unleaded.

Babe?

- Oh. Lauren?

- (LAUREN SOBS)

Lauren, what's the matter?

Lauren. What did I do?

(LAUREN SOBS)

It's a diesel, isn't it?

- (LAUREN CONTINUES SOBBING)

- It's...

But no. No, I put in...

LAUREN: (SOBS) You idiot!

Ohh!

SONG: I'm going back

to my homeland

To my country by the sea

I'm going back

to my homeland

To my country by the sea

Oh, yeah, I get back

to Numbulwar

That's where I want to be

Uh...uh...a tutu!

- Tutu!

- Um...

- Tulle.

- Tulle! Yeah! (LAUGHS)

(TRUCK HORN BLARES)

Hear you're getting hitched!

Too deadly, Uncle! (HONKS)

Thanks.

Get your sh*t.

We're catching the bus.

Go fishing in the morning

And set the traps

at night...

MAN: Love your bike!

Go fishing in the morning

And set the traps at night

When it's early

in the morning

Go get the cat

from the trap...

(GROANS)

Piece of sh*t!

You'll have to call work.

There's no way

we'll be back in time.

Did you hear me?

It's just work.

Pardon?!

I'll call them.

(SIGHS)

I quit my job.

Yeah. You're hilarious.

No, I...I actually...

I actually quit my job.

Yeah, righto. When?

The same day I proposed.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

You quit your job?!

Yep.

The same day you proposed?!

Yeah.

What the hell is

wrong with you?

I can't do it anymore.

What does that even mean?

It means I can't spend the rest

of my life pretending to be...

Stop. Wait.

You've been lying to me

this whole time.

I haven't lied.

I just haven't found...

You can't drop a b*mb like that

without telling me first!

..you always cut me off!

BOTH: You never listen!

I can't believe we did this

all in a day.

Like I said, planning is

the bedrock of success.

I should put this cake

in the fridge.

- We should pop a champers.

- OTHERS: No.

The cake. Fridge?

- Yeah, we'll do it.

- Leave it to us.

Now, 'night, ladies.

- Night-night, Uncle.

- Goodnight. The cake?

Yeah, in the fridge.

- In the fridge, yeah.

- Goodnight.

Don't forget, ladies, 6am sharp!

- See you at seven!

- Night-night.

Oi, how come they call that dog

Cher when he got boonga?

Don't judge.

It's a non-binary thing.

Oh, you mean like

Rodney Roberts?

- Uh, don't start me now.

- Don't forget the cake!

(BOTH LAUGH)

HAMPTON: And then, of course,

she had to hide the heel,

I don't know,

probably in a croissant.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Well, it sounds right.

She's always been clumsy,

like her mum. (CHUCKLES)

Tell me about her.

- Who?

- Your wife.

Some people say that they

didn't see a divorce coming,

but...surely

there must be signs.

We're not divorced.

Oh, I'm s...I'm sorry. Oh.

Oh, it's none of my business.

I'm s...

When Daf and I

first got together,

it was at the expense

of certain...

..well, certain traditions.

She became convinced that

her family hated us for it.

All that got brushed aside

while we raised Lauren.

But it's funny how quickly

the years can pass.

Before you know it, you're

alone again in the house.

No kid.

Too much time to think.

I mean...

You know, there was talk

in the house.

Just no listening.

And eventually,

there wasn't even talk.

- (BOTH CHUCKLE)

- Sorry.

Hoo-hoo!

Oh! (SIGHS) It's still hot.

Yeah, yeah.

What about you?

No, we won't talk about me.

Aw! That ain't fair.

Uh, there was a guy, once,

and we were engaged.

But it doesn't matter.

Well, and?

The, uh, lawyer in me...

..asked him to sign a, uh...

..prenuptial agreement.

He felt that was a sign that

I didn't trust him completely.

And that was it.

It was all over.

I threw myself into my work.

Did you trust him?

Completely.

I think it was me

I didn't trust.

(VEHICLE APPROACHES)

(VEHICLE DRIVES PAST)

You're right.

I should have told you

about the job.

But you know what?

It might feel like me quitting

came out of nowhere,

but it didn't.

You just never noticed.

You get so wrapped up

in other things.

Back home, it's your job,

now it's your family...

If I'm so self-absorbed,

why do you want to marry me?

- Oh come on, Lauren.

- That's not an answer.

Because you're not

self-absorbed, OK?

You're dedicated.

All I'm saying is

that you could point

some of that dedication

this way.

Maybe I should go to Tiwi

on my own.

No, no.

That doesn't make sense.

We'd better face this now

before we get married.

Face what? That I can't be

a part of your family?

- That's not what I said.

- You're not saying much!

Don't yell at me.

OK. (SIGHS)

OK, let's just cool down

and discuss this

in the morning, alright?

There's nothing to discuss.

You quit your job.

You're out here

on some big adventure,

making sure your boxes are

full of beauty or something.

But I just need to find my mum.

And I need to do it alone.

So, what are you saying?

The...the wedding's off?

Don't mess me around, Lauren!

At least have the stomach

to tell me!

Yes!

The wedding is off.

(LAUREN SOBS)

(GRUNTS)

HAMPTON: Adina Hotel, please.

(RHYTHMIC CLAPPING)

(WOMEN SING IN TIWI)

(WOMEN CONTINUE SINGING

IN DISTANCE)

('IF YOU LEAVE ME NOW'

PLAYS IN DISTANCE)

If you leave me now

You'll take away

the biggest part of me

Ooh, no, baby,

please don't go

And if you leave me now

You'll take away

the very heart of me

Ooh, no, baby,

please don't go

Ooh, girl,

I just want you to stay

A love like ours is love

that's hard to find

How could we

let it slip away...

(NED SIGHS HEAVILY)

WOMAN: Oi, and don't forget

them heart napkins.

WOMAN: I won't, I won't!

RONELLE: Don't get stroppy

with her, please.

- I'm not!

- You are!

See how you go.

- Hey, look who's back!

- NED: Hey.

- Whoa!

- Just in time!

- Where's sissy?

- Did you find Auntie?

Uh...not quite, no, no.

Well, where's Lauren?

Um...

She's gone to Tiwi.

Tiwi?

- What about the wedding?

- Yeah, it's tomorrow.

It's bloody tomorrow.

The wedding's off.

- What, you mean postponed?

- Wait. Wait.

- Hang on a second.

- Like, off?

HAMPTON: Hi. Look, the wedding's

on track, all set.

I still can't believe you

talked me into coming up here.

You must have known a change

of scene was what I needed.

Anyway, thanks to you, those

new clients are on my back,

so I'm flying home tonight.

But you, you have

a proper honeymoon.

Come back when you're ready.

Congratulations and all that.

Tiwi taxi service.

Where you going, sis?

- Um...

- Hey-hey! Only garmin.

I was just driving past.

Well, you got a lift or what?

- No, nothing.

- Well, jump in.

Hey, look, I don't bite.

Not unless you want me to.

(LAUGHS)

So, where are we going, sis?

Well, I'm looking for my mum.

Daphne Ford.

Daffy?

Daffy? Don't be stupid!

Boonga! Daphne's my sister!

- What?

- I'm your uncle.

True cod! Uncle Foxxy!

(LAUGHS)

Your mother just come back here

too, you know?

Long time since I seen her.

This your first time to Tiwi

too, eh, bub?

Time to take you

to the family now.

Hold on to your munchies, 'cause

it's about to get crunchy!

- (FOXXY LAUGHS)

- Whoa!

Hello, family! Family!

That's your family

over there too.

Hey, look, we're gonna take

this short cut here, bub. Look.

Yeah, lovely and cool

in here, eh? Lovely.

I'm Uncle Foxxy and I know

all these backstreets here.

- This is a backstreet?!

- This is a backstreet.

(LAUGHS) OK!

And also, this is where I take

all your...uncles, you know?

- At night-time.

- (BOTH LAUGH)

And over here, we have

the one and only Sistagirls.

Hi, girls!

Make way! Make way, everybody!

Precious cargo on board!

Oh, don't worry, this is where

everything happens,

at the shop.

- Hello!

- Hi!

Oh, hi!

- Is that my skirt?

- Oh, hello!

You'd better give it back

to me later.

How do they know me?

Well, look,

you look a bit like your mother

and a bit like me, bub.

Well, you've seen everything

now, bub!

- (LAUGHS)

- The whole town centre.

What did you think of that?

Now. you don't be a stranger,

alimpunga.

(SPEAKS TIWI)

This your family place.

Look, we know

your mother's story,

but that's not your story, OK?

Church over there, look.

You'll find Mummy one there.

You're one of them, bub.

I'll see you round

like a ringworm.

Hello.

(ALL GREET HER IN TIWI)

(LAUREN CHUCKLES)

Mum.

Mum!

- Mum, what's...

- Shh!

(MAN CHANTS SOFTLY INSIDE)

(SOFTLY) Come on.

(MAN CHANTS SOFTLY)

My grandparents.

They're still alive?

Kuwa.

Can I meet them?

Please?

(DAFFY SOBS)

Lauren...this is my dad.

Your amini. Grandfather.

(SPEAKS TIWI)

(SPEAKS TIWI)

(GRANDFATHER SPEAKS TIWI)

(SOBS)

How did you even know

I was here?

Did your dad send you here?

Is this what this is about?

Mum, he thinks you're with

the personal bloody trainer!

Hugo?

I've been going to that muligah

for six months

and I haven't lost a pound!

Your dad's dumber

than I thought.

Mum, don't say that! He's been

going crazy without you.

I'm surprised he noticed

I was gone.

So? Spit it out.

What are you doing here?

(LAUGHS)

That Ned fella?

That's great!

It was great, but...

Mum, we had the whole wedding

planned and I called it off.

Why?

Because I don't want to regret

getting married, like you.

I don't regret

marrying your father.

What?

Marrying your father was the

best thing that happened to me.

I regret not seeing my family.

I regret not bringing you here.

Alimpunga, if I didn't

marry your father,

I would never have had you.

Look...

..I needed some space

from your dad.

To go it alone for a bit

in order to work out that...

..your dad wasn't the problem.

But he wasn't

the solution either.

And once I worked that out,

I just had to muster up

the courage and come out here.

P.A.: Qantas flight 793

to Adelaide

is now boarding out of gate 4.

(PHONE BUZZES,

PLAYS 'LA BAMBA')

Para bailar La Bamba se

necesita un poquito de gracia

Un poquito de gracia

y otra cosita

Y arriba, y arriba

Y arriba, y arriba

por ti ser

Por ti ser, por ti ser...

(PHONE RINGS OFF)

Para bailar La Bamba

Para bailar La Bamba se

necesita un poquito de gracia

Un poquito de gracia

y otra cosita

- Y arriba, y arri...

- (PHONE STOPS)

(GROANS)

Jesus Christ!

Para bailar La Bamba...

- (ALL GROAN)

- Oh, come on!

WOMAN: Oh, whoever that is,

will you just turn off your

damn phone or answer the call?

- (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

- MAN: You tell 'em, lass!

Cruella!

Fred!

What are you doing here?

You're getting married tomorrow.

Yeah, well, not anymore.

What do you mean?

She called it off.

That's her on the phone,

isn't it? Hmm?

Maybe.

She wants you back.

Well, it's too late!

No, it isn't!

G...get off me!

I didn't come all this way

and do all that work

just to see you chicken out

'cause you're scared

you're marrying out of

your bloody league!

Security! Harassment!

That is my testicle! Get off me!

I don't want

your bloody testicle!

('LA BAMBA' CONTINUES)

MAN: (LAUGHS) Thank you!

(ANSWERS PHONE)

- (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

- Don't! Don't!

LAUREN: Ned, you there?

Ned?

If you're listening...um...

..I-I left my toothbrush

in Dad's car, so...

Look, Ned.

I was wrong

not to bring you here with me

so that we could meet

my family together.

Without you,

I wouldn't even be here.

I learnt the Tiwi word

for 'hello'

and the word for 'crocodile' -

yirrikipai.

And I learnt the word

for...'husband'.

And, Ned...

..I want you to be

my ngyiya-purnayi.

(CHUCKLES)

Look, I'll probably

send you crazy

with my bloody indecisiveness,

but if that's what you meant by

boxes of fairy floss, then...

I still want to marry you!

- (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

- Good lad!

Is that what you're asking?

Yes, that's what

I'm asking you.

I met my grandparents!

They're still alive!

Grandpa's the sweetest,

and Grandma, well...

..she thinks

I'm still Mum, but...

And how is your mum?

We had one conversation.

All I know is that

I want to marry you.

Me too.

Oh, but there is one little

proposal disclaimer.

Yes?

We have to get married on Tiwi.

- Tiwi?

- Yeah.

- Tomorrow?

- Yep.

Shouldn't be a problem.

Uh, look, um, I-I'll call you

as soon as I get back

to the house, OK?

OK.

Love you. (LAUGHS)

I love you too.

Thanks.

Oh, and tell everyone

it's a dry wedding.

- S-sorry, did you just...

- (HANGS UP)

Dry. Uh...

Hey, Cruella!

I...I mean Ms Hampton.

- Where are you going?

- I have to get back.

But the wedding's back on.

Well, you look after her, OK?

Because she is a special one.

No, no, you have to be

at the wedding.

Why?

You've always made it obvious

you don't even like me.

That's not...true. It's...

Look, the girls told me

what you've done.

How you've managed

the team and...

..got Trevor out the pantry.

You're part of the family now.

You have to be at the wedding.

Wouldn't be the same

without you.

(UKULELE MUSIC)

(TRADITIONAL TIWI SONG PLAYS)

FOXXY: Right there,

please, bub. Thank you.

Now it's time to get Foxxed.

(LAUREN LAUGHS)

Is that my necklace there?

You two have no shame helping

yourself to that jewellery.

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

Mum kept this for me

after all these years.

This was yours?

I hope that cake doesn't melt.

Everything melts here, Auntie.

Yeah, the only reason I go to

weddings is for the free booze!

It's about love.

Yeah. The love of champagne.

Here-la!

She looks deadly.

Well, she's OK.

NED: Trevor, the ferry!

('IF YOU LEAVE ME NOW' PLAYS)

(GROANS)

You're not going in there!

- If you leave me now..

- Not today!

You'll take away

the biggest part of me...

(GROWLS)

Ooh...

You...

..b*stard!

- We're gonna miss the ferry!

- I'm not going!

- Yes, you are!

- No!

- They don't want me there!

- I don't care!

Everyone there will hate me!

Ruin this day

and Lauren will hate you too!

Is that what you want?!

Arggh! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

- You're bleeding.

- Oh, yeah, yeah!

- Oh, arggh!

- Let me get you a bandaid...

No, leave it,

leave it, leave it!

(WHINES)

Real men walk through glass.

- (WHIMPERS)

- Ohh!

I don't know

if Lauren told you, but...

..my dad died

about six years ago.

He, uh...

He was...

He was walking home from

the office late one night, j...

Some random guy fell asleep

behind the wheel and...

..and that was it.

Oh, what I wouldn't give

to have him up here

meeting you lot.

He would have loved

the Territory.

My dad can't be

at this wedding.

But Lauren's dad can.

Alright, I'll...

..I'll bloody do it.

- sh*t!

- Yeah? Really?

You get me shoes, I'll get

the glass out of me foot.

(GROANS) Ohh!

- Yippee-ki-yay, mother...

- (BARKS)

Good dog.

Oh! Arggh!

We've missed the ferry.

Then we'll take The b*mber.

(QUIET CONVERSATION)

Hi. Hey!

- Good morning.

- Good morning.

Oy! (SIGHS NERVOUSLY)

He'll be here. Um...

Maybe just give him

a couple of minutes.

10/1 this isn't happening.

Stop doing that!

You're making everyone nervous.

He's two hours late and I'm

the one making them nervous?

It's fine.

Anyone got any jokes?

Mmm, yeah.

(CHER BARKS)

RONELLE: They made it!

Here we go.

DAFFY: Here, boy!

Here, boy! Here, boy!

- Come on!

- (WHINES)

Good boy. Good boy.

- Go on, then, hurry up.

- Hello, Mum.

They're here! They made it!

Thank you.

About time! (LAUGHS)

Oh!

- You're late.

- Terribly sorry.

There we go.

You look great.

Hey, you mob.

- Sorry I'm late. Sorry.

- (ALL GREET HIM)

Dad would have loved this.

Nice beard.

You like it?

Come on, now.

Yeah.

LAUREN: Oi, you mob.

I got a bloke to marry.

You good?

Yeah. We're good.

(UKULELE MUSIC)

(WOMEN SING

TRADITIONAL TIWI SONG)

(LAUGHS)

Awana.

(PRIEST SPEAKS TIWI)

We made it!

- Thank Christ!

- Wow.

- Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry.

- (LAUGHTER)

I think I want to be a chef.

- I could be married to a chef.

- Yeah?

But to be married to a chef,

I have to get married first.

- Right. Yeah.

- (LAUGHS)

Let's do this like a boss.

Hey, not yet. Hey, whoa!

(LAUGHTER)

- Shame job.

- sh*t!

- Sorry! Again, sorry.

- (LAUGHTER)

Couldn't help myself.

ALL: Kuwa.

..for Lauren and Ned.

And what better place

to start that sharing journey

than right here on Tiwi land?

On country.

So...let's get these fellas

married up.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Yes!

(TRADITIONAL TIWI SONG PLAYS)

(WOMEN SING)

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Thank you!

(TRADITIONAL TIWI SONG PLAYS)

SONG: Something inside

sayin' don't you worry

It's all in good time,

no need to hurry

So don't you worry, baby

Don't you worry, baby

Don't you worry,

baby

We're on the train now

Here on the track,

the diesel's humming

You gotta watch out

You gotta know the beat

you're drumming

Didn't you know?

Didn't you know now?

Oh, oh, oh

All of the diamonds

All of the diamonds

in your pocket

Didn't you know now?

They're all for you, baby

They're all for you

Oh, oh, oh

So don't you worry, baby

Don't you worry, baby

Something inside

sayin' don't you worry

It's all in good time,

no need to hurry

So don't you worry, baby

Don't you worry, baby

Don't you worry,

baby

Hey, hey

Back on the track now

Every day is a silver dollar

Didn't you know now?

It ain't about

what's in your wallet

Didn't you know?

Didn't you know, child?

Oh, oh, oh

All of the diamonds

All of the diamonds

in your pocket

Didn't you know now?

They're all for you, baby

They're all for you,

baby

Oh, oh, oh

So don't you worry, baby

Don't you worry, baby

Something inside

sayin' don't you worry

It's all in good time,

no need to hurry

So don't you worry, baby

Don't you worry, baby

Don't you worry,

baby

Oh, oh, oh

Don't you worry

So don't give up on me

now, baby

Don't give up,

don't-don't give up

Don't give up on me now, baby

Don't give up,

don't-don't give up

Don't give up on me now, baby

Don't give up,

don't-don't give up

Don't give up on me now, baby

Don't give up,

don't-don't give up

Don't give up on me now, baby

Don't give up,

don't-don't give up

Don't give up on me now, baby

Don't give up

I got you, baby

Something inside

sayin' don't you worry

I got you, baby

All in good time,

no need to hurry

So don't you worry, baby

Don't you worry

I got you, baby

Don't you worry

I got you, baby

No need to hurry

So don't you worry, baby

Don't you worry

I got you, baby

It's all in good time

No need to hurry

So don't you worry, baby

Don't you worry

I got you, baby

Don't you worry

I got you, baby

No need to hurry

I got you, baby

So

So don't you worry

I got you, baby

All of the time

No need to hurry...

(BAND SINGS IN TIWI)