Object of My Affection, The (1998)

[bunniefuu]

Welcome to the Brinkley School and

our first-grade show. I'm George Hanson.

This afternoon we are proud to present

our own adaptation of The Little Mermaid.

Music will be provided by the Brinkley Trio,

led by my co-teacher Melissa Marx.

Now on with the show.

Hi. I'm Nina Borowski,

and I think all of you are new here,

so welcome to

the Cobble Hill Community Center.

I'll be your group leader, and

we can talk about whatever you'd like:

School, home, jobs,

sex, anything.

Sea snakes.

Stingrays.

Did I miss anything?

- Honey, I just signed Castro.

- Shh!

Sally, you're on.

I know exactly what you've come for.

There's this boy I've been seeing,

and now he wants to f*ck me.

- He's only gonna hurt you.

- Do you wanna f*ck him?

Well, he's cute.

- Does he say he loves you?

- Yeah, but he just wants to get in my pants.

But do you love him?

Nina, isn't that right?

Well, I don't know about that.

But what I do know is, if I have sex

with a guy, I want him to be my friend.

So let's start with do you like him?

I'll give you anything, if I can have my prince.

Come with me then.

And whilst my sl*ve girl

weaves her magic spell,

I will cut off your tongue!

sl*ve girl, play!

Where is he?

- Who are you looking for, George?

- Just a friend of mine.

He says if I don't f*ck him,

he'll find another girlfriend.

Kiesha, I don't claim to be an expert on love,

but I do know what can screw up your life.

- So should I do it?

- You can say no.

Keeping your boyfriend happy

is not your full-time job.

You've got school, family,

work, your friends...

You call the shots.

You guys were great!

Excuse us. Come on. Get in line.

- Daddy!

- Oh, you were great.

- You were terrific. I loved you up there.

- Mommy!

Mr Hanson, that was a great show.

I think that was your best yet.

- We had a great sea witch and cast.

- Don't be so humble.

I've seen a lot of kids' shows - they bore me.

This one had grit.

- Grit?

- Yeah. It was the real stuff. Not all gooey.

- Thank you, Mr Miller.

- Call me Sidney. Let's go.

George, we're having a few people for dinner.

We'd love it if you'd join us.

- That'd be great.

- I'm sorry, Mrs Miller. I'm meeting a friend.

Bring your friend. It's casual.

Everyone's dying to meet you.

- Really?

- Listen, you're a hero.

Who cares if I can get Fidel

a million dollars to write his diary?

- You're fighting for the future of this country.

- 7.30.

You were so good. I can't believe

how good you were. I loved everything...

Where's Dr Joley?

I'd k*ll my boyfriend if he missed my show.

Bye-bye. Good job, you guys.

It was great.

- Just give me back two.

- Hey.

Thank you. I got stuck in a faculty meeting,

and then the subway...

And then the dog ate your homework.

See you tomorrow, George.

- I just hate myself for missing this.

- Really, it's OK.

Hungry? I'm in the mood for sushi.

I wish. I just told Constance Miller

we'd have dinner at her house.

I'm sorry, Joley. She ambushed me.

But she said it was casual.

George, Sidney Miller is the most

powerful literary agent in the world.

Casual to the Millers is not casual to us.

I was hoping we could talk tonight alone.

- OK, I'll cancel.

- You can't. It's important for your career.

- We'll talk later.

- Are you sure?

Well, I wrote it as an academic book,

but I think it could be a best seller.

And Sean Connery

would make a great George Bernard Shaw.

Maybe your friend George could do

something with it. That was a great show.

- So did you go to a teachers college?

- No, I was premed at college.

Oh, God. Your poor mother.

George? George?

I want you to meet

my great friend, Joyce Myers.

Oh, Joyce!

How are you? I so wanted to see your show,

but I was in a lunch for King Hussein.

How is he? Sidney's waiting for his book.

Well, Noor is adorable,

and the children...

Dr Joley seems to have made a hit

with my stepsister.

- How long have you two been together?

- Uh, four years.

Sidney represents RuPaul.

We'll have you all over some time.

Sidney, don't you think it's time for a revised

encyclopaedia of the American theatre?

- When's the Pavarotti gala?

- Next week.

You've done such wonderful things for that

company. You completely turned it around.

Of course, opera's not my thing,

but I adore the Three Tenors...

- Sounds like your show was a huge hit.

- Yeah, well, the kids worked really hard.

- I'm sorry I missed it.

- Oh, that's OK.

I was in bed with King Hussein.

- George Hanson.

- Hi. Nina Borowski. Hi.

- Oh, so, you're the stepsister?

- Uh-huh. Yeah.

I bring the income level down at

Constance's parties by at least three figures.

- I can help you in that department.

- Thank you.

My pleasure.

I heard all about you from Dr Joley.

Sorry about you and him.

- Hm?

- Oh...

OK, here we go. Come here. Come here.

You see that man

standing there with my evil stepsister?

- Mm-hm.

- That's my husband.

- You married?

- No, I'm not.

But she's hoping I'll marry that man

because she hates my boyfriend.

Oh!

You'll meet her later. Excuse me.

- Oh, Joyce, this is Stephen Saint.

- All right, we're clear.

- She's always doing this to me.

- Why?

Because my boyfriend's

a penniless legal-aid lawyer.

I'm a counsellor at a community centre and

I live in... a walk-up in Brooklyn.

- It sounds fine to me. I love Brooklyn.

- Yeah, me too.

You should visit me. There are some

really nice apartments in my neighbourhood.

- I'm not looking for an apartment.

- You're not?

No. I live with Joley.

But he told me at dinner

you might be looking for a place soon.

He told you what?

When he found out I had a spare room,

he asked if you could move in with me.

- That's insane.

- I thought so.

It's not every day I invite the lover

of my dinner companion to live with me,

but if you're desperate...

I don't know what you're talking about.

Maybe I have this completely backwards.

Maybe he meant for

the two of you to move to Brooklyn.

What else did he say?

Have you never discussed this before?

No, this is a total first for me.

- Oh, my God.

- Nina?

- Nina, this is Stephen Saint.

- Hi.

I was asking Constance all about you.

You are very fresh and natural.

He is the most fabulous

creative director at Saatchi's.

And you're a cute shrink.

That's an unbeatable combination.

My sister likes to say I'm a shrink.

I'm actually a social worker. Hi.

George, come with me.

I'm having problems with my centrepiece.

Oh, hey, um,

I think the work that you do is fantastic.

I think you got a lot of courage.

George, I'm in the book. If there's anything

I can do... I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

What did she say?

Good night.

You were great.

You were just great! Oh!

And those women. My God. Oh!

They were swooning all over you.

You were the centre of attention.

And I, of course,

was stuck next to that social worker.

Oh, well.

- You told her I wanted to move to Brooklyn.

- What?

Goddammit, Joley.

You told her I was moving out.

I told her you might be

looking for an apartment.

- I wanted to wait till your play was open.

- You didn't waste any time.

Can we talk about this when we get home?

This isn't appropriate.

Really? But it's appropriate for me to hear

my relationship is over from a stranger.

Our relationship isn't over.

Who are you sleeping with, Joley?

Please...

That's just...

- That's just a little simple.

- I'm a simple guy. It's why I teach first grade.

- I'm going to be 40 this summer.

- Oh, God.

But we're both too young

to settle for a twin-bedded friendship.

This hasn't really been working

for a long time.

Who have you got lined up, Joley?

He's a student of mine, but...

I... I don't know what to say.

Is this student

the reason you missed my play?

He's just breaking up with a woman

and he wanted to talk.

I want to be with him,

but I don't wanna hurt you.

- You're my best friend. What should I do?

- f*ck you, Joley!

And f*ck your student.

And f*ck our friendship.

I didn't wanna tell you this

until you were ready.

I'm a nice man, George.

Great neighbourhood.

Looks very safe here. Lot of families.

Hey, look, I'll call you.

I can't get Showtime or HBO,

never mind the Food Network.

- I'm here for Nina Borowski.

- After you fix hers, you come and fix mine.

- Hi.

- Hi.

This is really embarrassing.

Oh, come on in.

I was happy you called.

I mean, I wasn't happy you needed

a place to stay, but still happy you called.

Come on up. I'm on the second floor.

Come on in.

- This is great.

- Let me show you the room.

Oh, it's nice.

It could use some personality, but somebody

at the centre can make you some curtains.

This won't be for very long.

I can move in with my brother

when his girlfriend moves out.

No rush.

And this is the bathroom.

This is my bedroom.

Oh! f*ck!

- You get a lot of light.

- Yeah.

- And this is the office.

- Oh.

That's it.

It's nice.

- Yeah, he's been engaged seven times.

- Wow. Really? Your brother?

Mm-hm.

- Would you like me to fix you up with him?

- Thanks. I've got my hands full with Vince.

It's ready.

- Can I ask you something?

- Sure.

- How come I'm staying here and he isn't?

- Oh, Vince works fine as it is.

Sit down.

OK.

Thanks.

You saved my life. Really.

- No hot water between two and seven.

- Did you get your TV fixed, Mrs Sarni?

Why, you wanna come over and watch?

OK, so you have the keys, the phone number.

You know the indoor buzzer doesn't work.

The Korean deli opposite the subway

is open till midnight. Avoid the salad bar.

Toaster's broken. Use the broiler instead.

Mail comes in the morning.

Don't let in any gas men,

unless you think either of us'd be interested.

- This is me.

- Well, thanks for everything.

Oh, sure. The subway is one block that way.

I'll see you later.

- What's happened to Vince?

- Nothing has happened to Vince.

- What's happened to Joley?

- Nothing.

I called you there. He said you'd moved.

So we did it on Saturday night.

And was it good?

It was OK - until on Sunday

I saw him with another girl.

What a moron!

Kiesha, Kiesha,

I like sex and I like boys a lot,

but I am not about to waste my time with a

guy who doesn't see things the way that I do.

Do you really need this guy?

This is the Earth.

And this tack, that's us, right here.

And the lamp is the sun.

So, why does it get dark?

The Earth spins.

Very good. Because the Earth spins.

- And how do we know that?

- Copernicus.

Nina?

Nina, is that you?

Hey, George. How are you? Vince McBride.

Nina's told me all about you.

- Nice to meet you.

- Glad you're here.

I feel better knowing somebody's

keeping an eye out for my girl.

- Hey. Vince, meet George.

- We're old friends already.

George, join us for a cup of tea?

You don't have to put on a robe for me.

Yeah. In fact, George, you could probably take

off all your clothes and Vince wouldn't mind.

She's eating me alive.

I dote on her and she's eating me alive.

See, aren't you glad

you settled down with us?

I was gonna be a teacher once -

get 'em while they're young.

Teach 'em they don't have to believe

somebody else holds the cards.

- He knows, Vince.

- No, he knows and he doesn't know.

- Why don't you teach at a public school?

- I got ajob at the Brinkley School.

But you're g*y. Shouldn't you

stick up for the disenfranchised?

- Can't we talk about the movie, please?

- Wait. Mind if I ask how much you get paid?

- You make more than four figures, right?

- In the very early five figures.

Oh, Christ Almighty.

And they're all f*cking millionaires.

They couldn't eat lunch

on what they're paying you.

You gotta organise the teachers. I'll help you.

You're all getting screwed, you know that?

Well, thanks. That's all great advice.

But I'm afraid I have school tomorrow, so...

- It was great to meet you.

- You too.

- Good night, George.

- Good night.

Night, George.

- Oh, you terrorised him.

- What? We were having a nice conversation.

You told him he had the wrong job

and he made no money.

No, I told him he had the rightjob

in the wrong place, and made no money.

- You don't even know him.

- It never stopped me before.

My stepsister is right.

You are just a bulldozer.

What? I'm a pussycat.

Did I get angry with you when you let

a g*y guy move in here instead of me? No.

- I like him.

- Vince, you don't have to like him.

But there is one thing. How come it's OK

for him to live on top of you and not me?

He's not living on top of me

and he's leaving in two weeks.

He's never going anywhere. He's gonna

fall in love with you and turn straight.

- You're crazy.

- Not if you're looking at what I'm looking at.

- Vince.

- What?

Get in here.

Hi.

Hey.

Late-night comfort food - bad habit.

Shh. Vince is asleep.

He's really very kind.

He just felt threatened by you.

- That's insane.

- No, it isn't.

He asked me the same thing you did.

Why am I living here and he isn't?

Bingo.

Maybe you should be the counsellor.

Do you love him?

Yeah.

Whatever that means.

I just don't know if I should be living

with him. Vince can really fill a room.

Did you love Joley?

Well, who knows?

I thought so.

Oh, God...

- George, I'm sorry.

- No, it's...

It's so stupid, you know.

I know - he's a prick.

- I keep thinking I should have seen it coming.

- No. No.

You did nothing wrong.

You... You just trusted him.

- But you wouldn't have let this happen.

- Oh, yeah, sure. I don't trust anybody.

Particularly not amusing,

good-looking, intelligent guys like Joley.

- And he has great taste.

- Mm.

Well, he doesn't have such great taste,

otherwise he'd still be with you.

Thank you.

- We should go dancing.

- What?

The community centre on Friday nights.

I'm signing us up.

You must think of every dance

as a three-minute love affair.

Boy meets girl, they fall in love with

the music and the stars and the orchestra,

and then they must part.

I have no idea what I'm doing.

I can't dance.

I can't even dahnce.

Just smile.

On the ba*ls of your feet.

You're a butterfly.

Does that mean left or right?

Head up, young people, please.

Head up. Up, up.

Head up, young person. Head up.

Kennedy and I have decided to fix you up.

After all, what are brothers for?

- I'm healing.

- You're avoiding.

Whenever I call, you're at home

or doing mambo with your landlady.

You've got to get back out there again.

Don't you think so, sweetie?

Absolutely. Honey, I've got to get back.

Nice meeting you.

Yeah, you too.

- So, man, thumbs up, thumbs down?

- She seems nice.

- I'm gonna fix you up.

- I don't wanna be fixed up.

- I have a very nice boyfriend.

- He's a Bolshevik.

- It's not going anywhere.

- Why does it have to go anywhere?

- Because you have to take care of yourself.

- I am taking care of myself.

I just don't need the things that you do.

- You've got to meet this guy.

- What guy?

He's an ear, nose and throat man.

He was just on the cover

of New York magazine.

George, you have to start

taking care of yourself.

- I'm taking care of myself.

- Listen. He's an ear, nose and throat man.

But there's nothing wrong with me.

I don't even have a cold.

Yeah... Look...

- I have nothing in common with this guy.

- Just have a cup of coffee with him.

I promise you, this is quality goods.

Uh...

- George Hanson?

- Yeah.

Oh, I'm Jonathan Goldstein.

You're adorable. I mean,

your brother's cute, but you're irresistible.

Did anybody ever tell you

you look like a peach?

No.

- So you're an ear, nose and throat man?

- That's my professional life.

I have other interests

that go below the upper torso.

That's...

So I heard you were on the cover

of New York magazine?

Ugh! I got 3,000 new patients

and 6,000 marriage proposals.

And not a single real date.

- Want another drink?

- Yeah.

- Think he's all right?

- Who?

George. He hasn't been on a date in a while.

People can be really creepy.

- Put your zip code right there.

- He's dating a famous doctor.

Seora, firme aqu.

What do we do if he brings him home?

We'll be happy in our room

and they'll be busy in their room.

- Sounds very active.

- Mr Shapiro, you're all done.

Can I touch your nose? It's like a tulip.

Mr Shapiro, this woman has a g*y roommate

who shows no signs of moving out.

- Big deal. Everyone's g*y now.

- You tell him, Mr Shapiro.

g*y?

S, seora. Ella comparte

su departamento con un h*m*.

Mi hija es lesbiana.

Yo estoy muy orgullosa de ella.

Oh. Her daughter's a l*sbian

and she's very proud.

There you go.

Yo soy la presidenta de

the New York Mothers of Latino Lesbians.

Mrs Ochoa is the president of

the New York Mothers of Latino Lesbians.

- Well!

- Good for you. You're a good mother.

We're q*eer!

We're here!

Get used to it!

Don't f*ck with us!

See, Mr Shapiro, my problem is I love

this woman and I want to live with her.

- You make a living?

- Sure, I'm a lawyer.

Oh! Lawyers are the worst people.

Marry me, honey. I was in children's footwear.

Hello?

- Are you there?

- I'm here.

Hey.

Where's Dr Goldstein?

I don't know. Home.

- I thought maybe...

- Yeah, I thought maybe not.

Oh, um, remind me

to never go on another blind date.

OK.

You don't have to. "Just say no. "

Good night.

Good night.

Step, step, quick, quick.

Step, step, quick, quick.

Slow, slow, quick, quick.

Slow, slow, quick.

Very good. Very good.

Very nice, Sylvia. Excellent.

Very good. Much better. Very good.

No, no, no, no, no.

Head up, young person. Head up.

- Please excuse us.

- Sure.

- Hello, Nina.

- Oh, hi, Danny.

- Help.

- Look at me.

- No, no, no, no.

- Please.

Stop it. Danny, stop touching me.

Madame Reynolds!

T- A-N-G-O.

T- A-N-G-O.

T- A-N-G-O.

T- A-N-G-O.

T- A-N-G-O.

Please get up, young people. Get up.

Now, one, two, side step.

One, two, side step.

Glide, glide.

Glide, Danny. Let me see you.

Smile, Mrs Houston.

Let the music carry you away.

Yes!

Quick, quick, step, step.

Quick, quick, step, step.

Quick, quick, step, step.

Young people, well done. Well done!

Oh, he's so sexy.

Gene Kelly?

Mm, yeah.

Not my type at all.

What is your type?

- Well, it varies. Depends.

- Who was the first person you slept with?

- Is this 20 Questions?

- What? I wanna know!

Lucy Jane Parnell.

- What?

- Mm. Bellmore High School prom night.

Gave her a real good time.

- You slept with a girl?

- Yeah. Lucy was my high-school girlfriend.

What happened?

Well, I, uh, went to college

and found myself lusting after

the football team more than the cheerleaders,

so I kinda figured I was g*y.

What happened to Lucy Jane?

I guess she got married.

Or she runs an insurance company.

I have no idea. I don't...

She was so nice. Mm.

And an unbelievable dancer.

My God, could Lucy tear up the floor.

- Was she pretty?

- Yeah.

She had these big eyes

and this pouty, little mouth.

And her nose...

It was just like a tulip.

I just wanted to touch it.

- It was the most fresh and natural-looking...

- Stop it. f*ck you, George.

- I just wanted to touch it.

- Stop it. No! Don't start. Don't start.

Yesterday we studied Easter. Today we'll

study the Jewish holiday called Passover.

My father's Jewish and

my mother's Buddhist, but New Age.

My mother's Episcopal

and her boyfriend's Ethical Culture.

Both of my parents are Lutheran.

So what? Both of my parents are Reform.

My mother's AA

and my father's Christian.

- I'll be right back.

- OK.

- When did you find out?

- About an hour ago.

I don't know what to do.

Tell me what to do.

I can't.

Maybe you should talk to Vince.

He is the father.

Vince believes in a woman's right to choose,

as long as he does the choosing.

No.

Can't talk to Vince

until I figure out what I wanna do.

I just need some time to think.

Well, I'm here for you, Nina.

Whatever you need for me to do, I will.

- She hasn't spoken to me in three weeks.

- She's been busy.

She seeing somebody else?

No, no, she's a very beautiful girl.

There's men hitting on her all the time.

There's no one else, Vince.

So, you two still spend

a lot of time together, right?

What sort of things do you do together?

Well, we talk, we go to the movies,

sometimes we go dancing - regular stuff.

You go dancing. Then what?

Then we go home,

we get into bed and watch television.

OK.

But you're not a threat to her.

Is that the attraction?

- I don't know what you mean.

- You know what I mean!

You're not offering her

anything more than friendship.

Of course I'm not offering her

anything more than friendship.

I've made up my mind.

I'll take you wherever you wanna go.

George,

I'm gonna have this baby.

You are?

Yeah.

That's great.

You're gonna be a wonderful mother.

Lucky baby.

And, Nina, you are going to make

Vince McBride the happiest man alive.

This is so great!

I get to be in charge of all musical education.

Tell Vince I get to pick all the songs.

This is great. This is so great!

- Good decision.

- George, can we go celebrate?

George, would you consider

raising this baby with me?

Of course.

I'll be Uncle George.

You're never gonna get rid of me.

Actually, I was thinking

we should keep living together.

Like a family.

What about Vince?

Well, he's the father.

He'll always be in my baby's life.

But he's not home to me.

You are.

You can't do that to Vince.

George, my father married somebody wrong

because he thought it was good for me.

I can't do that to my kid. I...

Me and Vince and the baby -

it's a bad equation.

Jesus Christ, Nina. Vince is the father.

You should be with the father of your child.

Don't you see how exciting this could be?

You love children. You could raise a child.

I don't wanna marry Vince.

I don't have to marry Vince.

I don't wanna marry you.

George, I'm not proposing marriage.

We can make this up for ourselves.

None of the old rules apply.

It's getting late.

We should go.

Won't you even think about it?

Sure.

And I'm very...

You know.

- Hello?

- Nina, darling. We're right around the corner.

We've been to brunch at Norman Mailer's in

Brooklyn Heights so I thought we'd swing by.

- I have to go real bad!

- We're almost there.

She's thrilled.

f*ck! It's Constance.

That can't be them already.

- Hey!

- Unbelievable.

- Vince, you should have called.

- What good would that have done me?

- Sidney and Constance are coming.

- I got plenty for everybody. Is George here?

- Yes, he's here.

- Good. So the whole g*ng's together again.

- You look thin.

- I'm fine.

- We need to talk.

- We're talking!

Some more bread. We got the salami, that

prosciutto you love so much, the cheese...

We've got some herring and

we have some deliciously fresh mozzarella.

How many people were you expecting?

More people might've moved into the spare

room. I don't know. She doesn't talk to me.

Any more plates?

Why are Constance and Sidney coming?

I'll get it.

- George!

- Hey, it's the sea witch.

- Is there a party going on upstairs?

- No, we're going to see Nina. You know Nina.

- George, is there a party? Tell me.

- No, there's no party.

- Tell these guests there's no water after 8pm.

- Thank you, Mrs Sarni.

She's terrific. Who needs a doorman

when you have Mrs Sarni?

- Just hurry up and get inside.

- I really envy your living here, George.

What do you need with a dining room,

butlers, dinner parties? It's all a big headache.

Styron lived in a place like this

when he wrote Sophie's Choice.

What are you talking about?

- Hi. Can I go?

- It's hot. It's like August already.

Hiya, sweetheart. How do you get through

summer without air conditioning?

- Hey, Vinnie!

- Hey, Sidney. Come eat, huh?

Ooh, this looks good.

So, who you defending now?

A couple of kids who got framed

on a r*pe and battery charge in the Bronx.

Defend somebody big, whether you win or

lose, I'll get you $2 million on the book deal.

- By the way, you don't even have to write it.

- I'm not in show business.

Most lawyers aren't averse to publicity.

You should think about Court TV.

- He doesn't wanna think about Court TV.

- Wonderful food. I could eat like this daily.

- No herring, or I'll hear about it all night.

- What will you hear?

- Sally, go wash your hands.

- I'll take her.

- Where have you been?

- You haven't been calling Constance either?

- How d'you survive without her great advice?

- She talks to me every day. We're very close.

- I swear, I'm hotter than a goat in China.

- Can we get some air in here?

- What are you hiding from us?

- Did you finally break up? I'm proud of you!

Nobody has broken up.

Mind your own business.

- Can you get food poisoning this fast?

- Do you have air con?

- I will get the fan!

- Wait. You shouldn't lift stuff like that.

Why not?

I'm fine. Nothing is wrong with me.

- What the f*ck is going on?

- Don't speak that way in front of my child.

- Betty, it's time we got home.

- Betty was your other wife.

- I'm Constance. Remember?

- Oh, Christ.

- Are you sleeping with her?

- I'm g*y.

- You are?

- And it's a valid and wonderful choice.

Sidney, shut up.

George, what is going on here?

Are you pregnant?

Oh, my God. You're pregnant.

- George! What's going on?

- Who's the father?

You son of a b*tch,

you couldn't keep your hands off her!

- Vince! Calm down. It's your baby.

- I want New York Hospital, emergency room.

- It's mine?

- And mine.

It's mine. It's mine.

I want a real, big doctor.

George, is everything all right there? George!

- Will you get that? I can't hear a thing.

- Are you OK? Are you hungry?

I need someone in the

gastrointestinal department. George!

- What the hell is going on?!

- Hello?

Everything's fine, Mrs Sarni.

I thought someone died

and hit the floor. Jesus.

- Sweetie, give me the phone.

- Oh, God. Open the windows.

Daddy, you never

should have ate that herring.

Fan me with something. Is that The

New Yorker? Fan me with The New Yorker.

You're well out of this.

It sounds crazy.

I haven't even seen her recently because she's

always at Vince's, which is definitely right,

but what does that say about our friendship?

Maybe I didn't mean much to her.

George, you sound like

you're talking about your ex-lover.

Everything is about sex with you. You can get

close to a woman without sleeping with her.

Really? That's news to me.

I'm sure Vince isn't letting her

come anywhere near me.

I should have been more open.

It could have really been exciting.

Yeah, sure, it could have been exciting.

Bottom line is she wanted to f*ck you.

- That's insane.

- Look, we're both cute, and I know women.

They tell you they wanna be your friend, but

they're really wanting... to f*ck you.

I'm gonna probably have to move out

cos she'll want to get rid of the apartment,

so I hoped I could crash at your place.

Yes.

- Hey, honey.

- Hey! Hi.

You've not met my new fiance.

Suni, George. This is my brother George.

- George, this is Suni from Surgery.

- Hi.

Where'd it go? Oh, there it goes.

Thanks.

OK, ready? Stand up.

Now you're gonna hit a knee, right?

- Yep.

- OK.

Attaboy. Block with your body.

And then take a step... There you go.

- Ready?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, stop right there.

Face me like you're gonna do the pitch.

Ready?

Slow-mo.

- Nice. Come right over the top with it.

- Got it.

You did it great last week. Again.

OK, try it again.

Now, come right over the top.

Attaboy!

At first the iodine

does not affect the vitamin C solution.

But look what happens if I add some more.

This process is called titration.

- Is there nothing that little girl can't do?

- Watch TV. She's lousy at that.

- Doug!

- Hi, Sidney. How you doin'?

George, my Uncle Jonathan

says he knows you.

He does? Let's go, Nathan.

Greatjob, Mary.

Hey, George. Do you recognise me

in my ear, nose and throat gear?

- Free next weekend? I know a great club.

- George!

Oh, I see a friend of mine.

It was great to see you. Thanks for coming.

- What are you doing here?

- I promised Sally I'd come.

- It's so good to see you.

- You too. How you doin', Vince?

We almost didn't make it.

First trimester's got us a little queasy.

- Vince has become an expert on pregnancy.

- I'm lovin' it. You should visit us.

Vince, we are not an official "us".

There is still you and there is still me.

OK.

He's like glue.

- Madame Reynolds asked for you last week.

- Oh, I would love to go dancing.

- Just don't exhaust yourself.

- George, when's the trophy presentation?

- 20 minutes.

- The trophy presentation?

What happened to "It's not about winning,

it's about how you play the game"?

There shouldn't be any trophies.

It's the parents who want them.

It's what's ruining this country - the

obsession with being number one starts here.

I hear you. I try to teach

these kids a sense of community.

You can't do that.

These parents are natural-born K*llers.

Vince, that is such bullshit. I don't know

anyone who is more competitive than you.

Did I say anything was wrong

with striving for excellence?

- Jesus Christ!

- No.

At least somebody appreciates

what I'm saying. What's your name?

- Melissa Marx...

- I'm gonna lose it. Just get me out of here.

Ooh!

- You're right.

- I didn't ask him to come.

You're absolutely right.

It's not gonna work.

By the way, we're both pregnant. First, we get

sick together, then we throw up together,

then we get our f*cking sonograms together!

Nina, it's a bad equation -

you, Vince and the baby. Bad for all of you.

- No sh*t, Sherlock!

- You made me an offer and I never refused.

What?

I spent all yesterday afternoon watching

this little kid play catch with his father.

I always thought that

I could teach other people's children,

but someone else, you know, a real guy

like Vince gets to take them home.

Then I thought I don't always have to be

the one who's watching them leave.

I don't always have to be the one

who waits for twilight to pass.

For the first time I thought

I could be the guy who says good night.

What are you saying to me?

I'm saying "Yeah".

Sorry to break this up,

but it's time to go home.

Um...

I'm not gonna home with you, Vince.

I'm gonna go back to Brooklyn.

You can't go back to Brooklyn. We got

a doctor's appointment in the morning.

No. We don't have a doctor's appointment.

I have a doctor's appointment.

Fine. OK, you have an appointment.

You're getting caught up in nonsense, Nina.

- OK, Vince, this isn't working.

- Could we talk about this later?

- No! We need to talk about it now.

- In front of him?

Yeah. Vince, I have tried to talk to you

in private. You don't listen to me.

George...

This is between me and Nina.

You've done enough to f*ck us up. Get out.

This is my school.

You don't get to tell me what to do.

Nothing has been the same

between me and Nina since you showed up.

- Does that make you happy?

- Vince, just listen to me...

No, you listen to me. You don't see this guy

for who he is. He's a troublemaking little sh*t.

Vince...

I wanna raise my child with George.

Oh.

Oh.

You know what?

I wanna raise it with the man in the moon.

For once, why don't you just g*dd*mn listen

to what she has to say?

- Hey! Vince, just calm down.

- No, I will not calm down!

You have some nerve, you h*m* boys.

You screw up women's personal lives, but

can't take any physical responsibility for it.

Listen to me. No.

When this kid comes to you

and asks you who its father is,

you tell it that its father never wanted

to lay eyes on its mother ever again.

Head up, young person.

Would you like to hear the heartbeat?

- Can I?

- Yeah, sure.

It's amazing.

Come on.

George Hanson.

Steve Casillo?!

Wow!

- You're not someone I'd expect to see in here.

- Uh, yeah, uh...

- Oh, this is my friend Nina Borowski.

- Yeah, I can see that.

- Hi.

- No, she's my friend. Friend.

She's expecting.

- I can give you a discount on this one.

- Oh, just browsing.

Yeah, we're...

Feel free to look around.

OK.

Small world.

Wow.

- Lemonade?

- Thanks.

- The Hampton benefit season's in full swing...

- Oh, my God.

...at Sidney Miller's house.

Guests included Anne Rice, King Hussein

and Colin Powell. Hot fun in the summertime.

- So how come we weren't invited?

- Thank God we weren't invited! Oh!

Who was that man in the crib store today?

Just someone I had a fling with

before I met Joley.

You know,

if you ever wanted to invite him here,

that would be fine.

- Mm-mm.

- I could sleep in your room.

What if I said "That's a great idea,

he'll be right over"?

I'd say "Great".

This isn't a marriage.

I don't wanna make you give up your life.

You're not.

Great.

- So, are you gonna call him?

- I'm leaving with him for Paris tonight.

- You are?

- Oh, God!

- I just hate secrets, George.

- What secrets? I tell you everything.

Just promise that if anything in your life

changes, that you'll tell me.

Nothing's gonna change.

I'm not going anywhere. This isn't temporary.

- Don't you miss men?

- Yeah, sure. Sometimes.

Don't you?

I guess.

But I don't miss them when I'm with you.

D'you think most married couples

are as happy as we are?

I hope so, cos we're pretty happy.

I guess sex is just no big deal.

Not even with Lucy Jane?

I just adore you, Nina. I really do.

I adore you, too.

Yeah?

George, hi.

It's Joley.

How are you?

Look, um,

I know that it's been a long time,

but, well, I told you that I'd call

and, uh...

Oh, God. These things are so weird.

I guess.

Who is it?

Uh, my brother.

George, are you still there?

Yeah. Nina says hello.

Oh.

I was so sure you'd be with someone by now.

That's really why I haven't called.

- Yeah, Nina's still here.

- George, it's so good to hear your voice.

I'm surprised you'd even talk to me.

I behaved like an idiot.

I'm addressing a critics' convention

at your old college the weekend after next.

And I've been thinking about

that time we drove up there.

That was our first Christmas together.

You remember?

So you want me to come with you?

That's very considerate of you.

I wouldn't be surprised if you never

wanted to lay eyes on me again, but...

it would really mean a lot to me,

just to be with you.

I made a reservation

at that sweet little inn we stayed at.

Well, I'll call you if I can make it.

I think about you all the time.

And, for what it's worth, I really miss you.

Yeah. Thank you.

I'll talk to you soon.

Where does he want you to go?

My college.

For a reunion?

Sort of.

Nina, that was, uh... Joley.

So, are you gonna go?

I don't know.

That usually means yes.

I hate that you know me so well.

- Hi.

- Hey.

You look great.

I love this.

- I'll call you at Constance's tomorrow.

- Promise?

I promise.

- What time?

- Early. I promise.

Ordinarily I wouldn't go to conferences,

but they insisted I come,

and I guess it never hurts

to stay on the good side of reviewers.

Oh, my book! Did I tell you my book

is coming out in paperback in England?

It's very impressive for an American

Shaw scholar to do so well in Europe.

You OK, honey?

How did we get back so quickly

to the "honey" stage?

Maybe we never should've left it.

- So, how's your student?

- Back with his girlfriend. He's screwed up.

So you wanna be friends now?

Just so I know.

- That is exactly your problem, George.

- What?

Your lack of self-worth. You have

no idea how important you are to me.

Thank you.

So, I've been thinking about you a lot.

You're living with a woman in a dump

in Brooklyn, and I'm lonely and missing you.

We can do better than that.

- Nina!

- Hi.

- You missed Spielberg and Peter Jennings.

- Oh, I bet they sent their best regards.

Sweetie, don't start the weekend like this.

What are you wearing?

- Ai! Hello, honey. How are you?

- Good.

- Where's George?

- With his old boyfriend - where he should be.

Constance, he's not with his old boyfriend.

- You told me he went away with Dr Joley.

- Doesn't mean he's with him.

Sally, sit down and buckle up.

I want you to relax this weekend. Take walks,

eat well, let Sidney and me take care of you.

- And me.

- And Sally.

We're gonna have a nice, relaxing dinner.

Just old friends, and Stephen Saint is coming.

You'll never believe it. He's just dying to see

you. You made quite an impression on him.

- Hello. Dr Robert Joley.

- Ah, yes. Dr Joley.

We have you down for three nights

and a king-size bed.

- Twin beds.

- I don't know I have a room with...

- We'll take the king.

- I have twin beds. I'd be happy to exchange.

- You sure, Mrs Skinner?

- Surely.

- Thank you, Mrs Skinner.

- No sense in you being on top of each other.

- Right at the head of the stairs.

- Thank you.

I thought we had the discount rate.

That is the discount rate.

Through the dining room.

- Dr Joley, I presume.

- Well, Rodney Fraser.

You're one of the reasons

I agreed to come here.

Thank you.

I see you've lost none of your charm.

- Congratulations on George Bernard Shaw.

- Thank you.

Such a treat to read

an American perspective on the subject.

Oh, this is Paul James. Dr Robert Joley.

Have I met your friend?

- George Hanson.

- How do you do? Paul James.

- You in the theatre?

- No, a graduate of our host college.

Really? "The return of the native".

Well, look forward to seeing you both

around the campus, hm? Bye.

- Bye-bye.

- See you.

I wonder if Mrs Rodney charges by the hour.

Let me tell you, when my first wife

left me she wanted to take my clients.

I understand the house, the car,

but my clients?

You know, since we last met, I've done

some heavy therapy and taken up yoga.

- And I quit advertising.

- Mm.

So I know this might seem premature,

but I'm ready to be the father of your child.

Good night.

Good night.

And our thanks to Mrs Gutierrez

for an interesting question

and a spirited response from the panel.

And now we move on to, um...

oh, another question from Mrs Gutierrez.

Oh, yes. How do you feel about

great works of literature

being transformed into musical comedy?

That sounds like one for

our academic colleague. Professor?

Well, um, I should begin by saying that

I think My Fair Lady

is a complete distortion of Shaw's Pygmalion,

as is West Side Story of Romeo and Juliet.

But then I hate all musicals.

I believe they're middlebrow,

populist and frankly dangerous.

So it's a clean sweep from Dr Joley.

I have seen shows

in cross-gender clubs in Berlin

that has far more theatrical impact

than anything I have ever seen on Broadway.

- You mean women dipped in chocolate?

- I am talking about serious artists.

I have never recovered from Ulrika Schinkel's

brilliant production of Beethoven in Bondage,

set amongst the ruins of the Reichstag.

Something that may interest you, Rodney, is

German theatres are filled with young people.

Nina! Mommy says

we're all taking a picnic on the beach.

- Oh, honey, I'm waiting for a phone call.

- Mommy, Nina's waiting for a phone call.

Sally, go get your father. Go.

- I'll come down later, I promise.

- Jesus Christ, you're always moping.

- You're a guest here. Make an effort.

- I have made an effort. Stephen loved me.

I hope you realise he's currently

in bed with his old boyfriend.

- Who, Stephen?

- The man whose call you're waiting for.

You know, I enjoy g*y people.

I just have a problem with my sister

being in love with one of them.

I am not in love with him.

Even when I was desperate to marry Sidney,

I never carried on like you. And he's straight.

But this is an even crazier choice

than Vincent. You're not even f*cking him!

Can I ask you something?

When was the last time

you and Sidney had sex?

- That is not the point.

- Exactly! Doesn't it all turn into friendship?

Yes, but normal people start out someplace

you and teacher are never gonna get.

- Look at yourself. You're a psychiatrist.

- I am a social worker, Constance!

Oh! Will you just let me live my g*dd*mn life!

Read my lips. George is G-A-Y.

g*y! That means

he never sleeps with women.

- He has slept with a woman.

- What?

- Lucy Jane Parnell.

- Oh, please. Don't tell me. In high school?

They all try women once in high school,

but you're nutty enough to believe that based

on that, you can bring him to his senses.

A g*y nursery-school teacher

is a one-way ticket to nowhere.

I'd love to go to a place like this -

read, sleep, have great talks, sex...

Well, we didn't actually have much of that.

We did talk about it a lot.

- Did you act at all?

- Me? No, not really.

- You an actor?

- Well, trying to be. That's how I met Rodney.

- I sat in on his world theatre class.

- What's his take on world theatre?

Well, Rodney's very picky. He likes Damn

Yankees and Shakespeare - butjust to read.

He's never seen a production

up to his standards.

Don't you get flak from your actor friends

being with a critic?

Well, I've never been with him with him. It's

just that he came up to me one day after class

and he's been sort of like my mentor

and my family ever since.

Oh, I thought maybe

you lived together. I'm sorry.

We do live together. He offered me a room

so I can save my money for acting lessons.

Well, I've always had

terrible judgment.

My entire freshman year I had a crush

on a guy named Trotter Bull the Third.

- He looked just like one of those rowers.

- Looks like pretty good judgment to me.

Except he had a girlfriend.

I actually got up the courage to talk to him

one night about Walt Whitman.

He probably became an investment banker,

had four kids, all named Trotter,

and never talked about poetry again.

I'll talk to you about poetry.

Sure. Any time.

How about a swim?

- Whoo!

- Wait for me!

Hey!

I've got it. It's for me. Sorry.

Hello.

No, she's at the beach.

Uh-huh.

It's Martha Stewart for Mrs Miller.

- Yes?

- Is it the Martha Stewart?

Yes.

Oh, will you hold on, please?

Miss Stewart, I'm having

a big problem with my azaleas.

Uh-huh.

- Do I see you again?

- I hope so.

When do I call you?

Oh, f*ck.

My roommate. I was supposed

to call her this morning. sh*t!

- Your roommate?

- Yeah, we live together.

We don't live live together,

we just live together. sh*t!

- She's in her bedroom. I'll call her.

- She's in bed, apparently.

- Hi, George.

- Hey, kiddo. Why you in bed? Are you sick?

I'm pregnant, George. Or have you been

so busy with Dr Joley that you forgot?

Nothing's happened with Dr Joley.

I've hardly seen him.

- So then let's go home.

- What do you mean?

There's a bus. At seven o'clock.

- Tonight?

- Sure. Why not?

I don't want you travelling alone so late.

How about I borrow my brother's car

and pick you up tomorrow?

George, please, please.

I'm so miserable. Please...

You could be on a train, too,

and we could be in our beds by midnight.

- Nina...

- Please. You have to rescue me.

I have got to get away from here,

and there's nothing for you to stay there for.

Anybody who bolts from the Hamptons

is OK with me.

I hate it here. It's so pretentious.

If I wasn't married and you weren't my wife's

stepsister, I'd have an affair with you.

I think you're terrific.

- Want some money?

- No, I'm fine.

- How about some Chuckles?

- No.

- I got the new Michael Crichton in the car.

- Oh, no, really. Thanks, Sidney.

OK. Oh, gosh. Photographs. I got it.

Hi.

Hi, man.

Hi, Melissa.

Hi.

- So, how are you, huh?

- Oh, sh*t!

- Hey, let me help you out.

- No, I'm fine, Vince. I got it. I'm fine.

OK.

Vince, honey?

Melissa, I'm just gonna say goodbye.

- Vince, I'm really tired.

- Just be a minute.

- Can I put you in a taxi?

- No, I'm fine.

- Come on...

- Vince, please! I'm fine, really.

- Give my love to George.

- Oh, sure. I certainly will.

Hey!

Oh. Oh, excuse me? Excuse me?

Oh, you're gonna be so glad you met me.

My purse was just stolen

and I'm pregnant and I have no way home.

- Are you hurt?

- No, I'm fine.

- You sure?

- Yeah. It's just my purse was stolen.

Well, let's go. I got it.

Oh, thank God.

So, we'll go report all this, and then I'm

getting off duty, so I'll give you a lift home.

I'm surprised he didn't arrest me. I'm mugged

and the g*dd*mn desk sergeant blames me.

He's the only one like that.

The rest of us are sensitive.

"Lady, you asked for it. " I thought people

like that were banned from the police force.

It's none of his g*dd*mn business

where the f*ck my husband is!

- You don't seem to care.

- Me? I used to give women lots of opinions,

but now I go with the flow.

- Are you g*y?

- I'm sorry?

I've a theory that a man who doesn't hit you

over the head with his opinions must be g*y.

- Well, that makes as much sense as Freud.

- Makes a hell of a lot more sense than Freud!

Freud doesn't know d*ck about women.

I can't believe I just said that.

- Very nice of you to drive me home.

- Oh, not a problem.

If I were married,

I'd want someone to drive my wife home.

- Will your husband be there?

- I don't have a husband.

- The father?

- Oh, no, no. He will definitely not be there.

I hardly speak to him.

Well, you don't find anyone new

till you're brave enough to give up the old.

I don't really wanna find anyone new.

That's good.

- Happy with the status quo.

- Yeah.

Me, too.

But you're so nice.

You should be married.

You think all nice people are married?

What kind of counsellor are you?

Great. You can stop right over there.

Thank you so much.

You're really kind.

Oh!

George!

Oh, my gosh! You're back already? Hi!

Oh!

- Did you get a ride home?

- No. My purse got stolen at the bus station.

- What?

- And Vince and Melissa were on the bus.

And Sidney told me he would have an affair

with me! It's been the weekend from hell.

Come on. I'll make you some tea.

Hiya, sweetie. George, terrific news

about you and Dr Joley. Good for you.

- Thanks.

- Bye, George.

Hey.

- Nina, you find out who the father is yet?

- I call the shots, Kiesha.

Yeah!

- So what's for supper, Nina?

- Pot roast. It's George's favourite.

- Is he back yet?

- I don't know.

Paul?

Oh, jeez. He's supposed to be at the theatre.

Paul?

I fled at half-time.

A lot of pumped-up men

taking their clothes off. Dreadfully boring.

I've got to see King Lear tomorrow night,

God help me.

I fully expect him to step on stage,

say he's old, hot and strip to his underwear.

Oh, would you like a glass of vino?

And tell whoever it is you've got in there

he's left his knapsack on the sofa.

Ah, it's the graduate.

Do, please, come and sit down.

Paul and I are currently meandering through

some of the better Australian Chardonnays.

- Can I tempt you?

- No, thank you.

Oh.

Paul?

So, how's our distinguished

Shavian scholar Dr Joley?

Well, I haven't seen him

since the critics' convention.

Actually, George lives with a woman.

Really?

How Bloomsbury.

- Nina's my best friend.

- Paul and I visit the theatre quite often.

Perhaps you and your best friend

would care to join us one evening.

That's very kind of you,

but I'm not sure she likes the theatre.

Oh, she's absolutely right.

There's nothing to see.

Well, perhaps we could

go and have a meal together sometime.

We'd like to see more of you,

in any event, d'you know?

Well, I hope so.

You know, I'm sorry... I really...

Oh. Really?

Don't forget your little bag.

- Well, it's nice seeing you.

- Yes, indeed. Good night.

I'll be right back.

I'll call you tomorrow.

Thank you for returning my call.

Nina, you were probably right. You and I

as a couple were a pretty miserable match.

But I still love you.

That's my problem. I can deal with that.

Nina, whatever way

that you're planning on doing this,

for once in my life I'm not gonna tell you how.

I would just like to think

that I could somehow be part of the picture.

Vince,

you're the daddy.

- Oh, hi.

- Hi.

- How are you?

- Louis. This is Vince.

- Hi. Louis Crowley.

- Vince McBride.

This is my nephew Joe and my niece Sophie.

- Vince is the father of my...

- Baby. I'm the father of the baby.

Oh, I see... And how's...

- George. My roommate. He's...

- He's fine. He's home.

- Oh. Hey, great. Go with the flow.

- That's right.

The workings of her mind

appealed to him.

She leaves her warm bed in the cold dawn

to rush there full of zeal and loyalty...

Coming up,

Kurt will have sports. Stay with us.

Hi. Hey.

- Sorry.

- Don't be sorry.

Sorry I'm late.

Yeah, God, I'm sorry.

Did Nina tell you I was visiting some

college friends? And we drank too much...

- Well, why didn't you bring them?

- What?

What a shame to break up such a great party.

I'd like to meet your friends someday.

- So, how late did you stay up?

- Late.

So late there wasn't a cab left

in Manhattan, huh?

- Well, we were all too wrecked to go home.

- Whoo! My big brother, the party animal.

- Coffee?

- Yeah, please.

- D'you wanna hear the specials?

- No. Just orange juice and eggs Florentine.

- So, Caroline, is the wedding still on?

- I haven't heard otherwise, but I'm waiting.

- Well, we're looking forward to it.

- If you can make it.

He's been busy this fall with faculty meetings.

Yeah, I'm trying to get things in order

before the baby comes.

I never thought I'd hear my big brother

talk about babies coming.

- And before me. That's what pisses me off.

- I think what you guys are doing is fantastic.

Here's my question though:

What about the father?

This guy must be the most interesting guy

in the world, or the most tolerant.

Actually, he's dating

George's colleague Melissa,

so that takes a shitload of tolerance.

They're not dating any more. They broke up.

- Wait, who's this Melissa? Is she cute?

- Frank!

I'm just trying to keep my options open.

- Frank, you're horrible.

- Aren't we all just horrible? Aren't men jerks?

I think Nina and George

have a great relationship.

Yeah, when we see each other

we have a great relationship.

George, when they complain

about not seeing you enough,

you have to buy them a diamond

or take them to the theatre.

Maybe we could go see a friend of mine

who's in a play next weekend.

Well, I'm on call next weekend.

Frank certainly isn't going without me.

- Come on...

- No.

So does that mean I get a date

alone with you this weekend?

Or will I get another call Saturday afternoon?

Saints do not move.

They grant for prayers' sake.

Then move not

while my prayer's effect I take.

Thus from my lips, by thine,

my sin is purged.

Then have my lips

the sin that they have took.

Sin from my lips?

O, trespass sweetly urged.

Give me my sin again.

You kiss by the book.

- Here we are. Sorry about that.

- Thanks.

- Well, cheers.

- Cheers.

So nice to meet you.

George talks about you all the time. Ah.

- Oh!

- You were fantastic!

- Oh, and this is Nina.

- Hi. You were great.

Great to meet you.

George talks about you all the time.

Hey, George. George! How are you?

- I want you to meet somebody.

- I don't know if you remember me.

- Yeah!

- We talked about Walt Whitman. Trotter Bull.

- Paul! Paul! Paul! This is Trotter Bull.

- Oh, my God. I've heard so much about you.

George talks about you all the time.

Is that right?

Well, you were wonderful in the play.

- Wasn't he great?

- It was so nice seeing you again.

Let me give you my card -

if you ever need a stockbroker, OK?

- Thanks a lot. Great seeing you, Trotter.

- Hey, we've got that ten o'clock thing.

- Nice to meet you.

- I wish he'd been our Mercutio instead.

- Rodney, please.

- And he was right. You were awfully good.

But people do modern-dress Shakespeare

because they have no instinct

for any other period.

Clearly, the no-talent who directed this hoped

to transform the world's greatest love story

into a Calvin Klein commercial.

The man should be shot!

- Mr Fraser.

- Yes?

- I'm the director.

- Ah.

Oh!

- Come on, let me help you.

- Thank you.

Good night.

George and I were wondering what you

and Rodney were doing for Thanksgiving.

- I'm sorry, we...

- No, we'd love to come. How kind. Thank you.

Ooh, I'm sorry. Wonderful.

- OK, so one o'clock.

- We'll be there.

OK.

- Bye.

- Good night.

You're an extraordinary person.

They seem like a lovely couple.

Hey, you! I don't care what you say. I love Les

Mis, and Andrew Lloyd Webber's a genius.

- Hello. Hi.

- Oh, hello. Lovely to see you again.

- Happy Thanksgiving. We're through here.

- George, happy Thanksgiving.

- D'you need any help?

- No. Everything's fine.

What a relief. Cos, contrary to stereotype,

I'm an awful cook.

No. Well, make yourselves comfortable.

Or, George, you could

take them for a walk while I get ready.

Well, why don't you two children go and play

somewhere and I'll keep Nina company. Hey?

You should tell her.

You don't wanna hurt Rodney,

I don't wanna hurt Nina.

I don't wanna exclude Rodney.

That's different.

Are you trying to tell me something,

because we could stop.

No. I...

This isn't easy.

I promised her I'd help her with the baby.

That's great. Help her.

Be the uncle, be the godfather.

No, you don't understand. I'm more excited

about this baby than anything ever in my life.

- More than me?

- Jeez, Paul, don't make it that way.

I'm not making it that way. You are.

I love you very much.

I think we're both behaving rather well

under the circumstances.

After all, it's not always easy

being alone in the bedroom next door.

Next door to George and Paul?

You knew that?

Well, of course. Of course I knew that.

- I think Paul's great. I think he's just great.

- Well, we're all great.

- You must think I'm pretty peculiar.

- I have opinions about Shakespeare.

About other people's lifestyles

I have absolutely no opinions whatsoever.

And I don't think

one should be too hard on oneself,

if the object of one's affection

returns the favour

with rather less enthusiasm

that one might have hoped.

But a small observation, if I may, from

someone old enough to be your grandfather.

You're not that much older.

Have you noticed that you're the only woman

coming to your Thanksgiving dinner?

Yes. But all my female friends

are either busy...

Don't get defensive. Have you also noticed

that you're the only practising heterosexual

coming to your Thanksgiving dinner?

Well, I haven't practised in a while.

I'm serious.

What happens when all the men

at your Thanksgiving dinner find other men?

Who's at your table then?

Don't fix your life so that you're left alone

right when you come into the middle of it.

Lord, for the erring thought

Not into evil wrought:

Lord, for the wicked will

Betrayed and baffled still:

For the heart from itself kept,

Our Thanksgiving accept.

To Nina and George,

our wonderful new friends.

To Nina and George.

- To friendship.

- Yes.

To friendship.

Well,

Paul, I think you and I

ought to be getting going.

Actually, I think I'm gonna

hang out here for a while.

Ah.

- Is that OK, Rod?

- When would you be getting...

Right.

Well, thank you

for including me in your holiday.

- Thank you for coming.

- Good night.

Paul.

Happy Thanksgiving.

- George.

- Good night.

- Uh, could I walk you out to the...

- No, I'm fine. Thanks.

- Thanks. Bye.

- Good night.

- Well, let's get cracking on these dishes.

- No, it's all right, I've got it. Thank you.

- You sure?

- Yes, definitely. Good night.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Absolutely the best holiday.

I love you.

- It was a wonderful dinner, Nina.

- Thank you.

Nina, it's three o'clock in the morning.

I'm sorry. Did I wake you?

No.

- Paul wanted some ice cream.

- So sweet. You have so much in common.

Paul thinks... you don't like him.

I don't know him.

- You seem to like Rodney.

- Well, Rodney is a decent and intelligent man

who is very hurt and insecure.

We're all very hurt and insecure.

Who do you know that isn't?

- Paul. Paul seems to be a totally happy guy.

- You don't like him.

What the hell difference does it make

if I like Paul or not, George?

You like Paul and that's what's important.

And that's great. I just finished my work.

Nina, I slept for months in this apartment

with you and Vince right there.

- That is different.

- How?

Because you don't tell a woman you love her,

then two days later bring Romeo home!

- You invited him!

- And Rodney. I thought they were a couple.

- You didn't think that.

- Well, you didn't tell me otherwise.

Nina, look at me.

- Nina, look... Nina, look at me!

- What?

- We were gonna make up new rules.

- They have to work for both of us.

- So you can have a man, but I can't?

- No, you cannot have me, Paul and this baby.

Why? Because you deserve

to have it all and I don't?

It's not about having it all. It is about

picking one person and making it work.

And when you're f*cking a man next door, it's

clear you don't wanna make it work with me!

- That's bullshit!

- Oh, f*ck off, George!

You forgot Paul's ice cream!

Caroline, let's face it.

My little brother is cute!

If he can deal with the 20 women outside

with pistols, this union will succeed.

My friend Nina, the wisest person I know,

said to me yesterday:

"You have to pick one person

and make it work. "

Frank, I think you picked

absolutely the right person.

I'd like to propose a toast.

To the doctors,

Frank and Caroline Colucci Hanson.

Hear! Hear!

- Your husband is adorable.

- I can't imagine mine calling me his friend.

George, I gotta get outta here.

- You OK?

- Yeah, I'm OK.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I just had to get out of there.

I know. Weddings can be a little much.

But it works.

What do you mean?

I was watching Frank and Caroline today...

and I just kept thinking...

"This is real. "

"And George and I are not. "

We're just different.

But I don't think that I am that different.

I want you to be with me.

I want you to marry me.

I want you to love me

the way that I love you.

I don't really wanna see who you are at all.

I think you see me.

Well, then tell me the truth.

What do you want?

I want Paul.

And I wanna be able to look at you

and not feel so hurt by you.

I'm so sorry.

The last person in the world

I'd wanna hurt is you.

I know that. I know.

You can't choose who you love.

Paul was the best thing that ever happened

to us. At least he got us to tell the truth.

But I don't wanna lose you.

I can't let things stay the same.

- Take care, man.

- Congratulations, buddy. Way to go!

Hey. Sorry. I got here as fast as I could.

No, it's OK.

George was with me the whole time.

Good.

- This is Molly.

- There she is.

Hello, Molly. I'm your dad.

Yeah.

Sh-sh-sh.

Molly, Molly, hush, hush. It's OK.

It's OK. It's OK. I got her.

Which one of you is the father?

- Vince McBride is the father.

- Come with me. We have some paperwork.

Yeah, yeah, sure. Hey, you be nice

to your mother, honey. Here we go.

Hi. Thank you.

I wonder if Madame Reynolds

has ballroom dancing for babies.

Are you kidding?

Come here, Molly.

Let's show Mommy your dancing legs.

George, when were you

planning on moving out?

I don't know.

I think you should go before I get home.

Are you sure?

I can stay until you and Molly get settled.

No, I don't want you there.

We'll be fine.

It's time for Molly and me

to get on with our lives.

I'll speak to Paul.

Thank you.

You're a very lucky girl,

Molly McBride Borowski.

You have the world's best mommy.

Bye, Nina.

Bye, George.

Head up, young person.

Hi.

Hi, Molly.

Hello. I'm George Hanson, principal of

the Prospect Park Cooperative School.

We wanna welcome you

to our annual music celebration.

And now on with the show.

Molly!

Come on, Molly! Go, Molly!

Whoo! Molly, yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

- I have an audition.

- When will you be home?

Right after yoga.

Are you sure?

You had me over last Saturday.

- Hey, Rodney, you're family, man.

- Yeah.

- Constance, why can't I get a nose ring?

- Sally, get in. This is a bad neighbourhood.

- It's a f*cking great neighbourhood.

- And my name is not Constance. It's Mother.

Nina, don't forget dinner Thursday

with Umberto Eco and Sharon Stone.

- Oh, goody.

- A bidding w*r's going for Sharon's memoirs.

Goodbye, Louis. Good to see you again.

Nina, two seconds.

- There's someone I want you to meet, so...

- Why? I am with Louis.

Sweetie, you've made your point. It's time

to move on. Get your hair cut. Sidney?

- Let's go.

- Yeah, yeah, great.

Molly, you were great. Perfect.

Coming, coming.

You were terrific. I love that hat.

- Can I give you a ride?

- No, I won't use taxpayer dollars

to fund my personal transportation, Louis.

I'll take the subway, thank you.

Suit yourself, Vince.

I'll see you at home.

Bye, Molly. Greatjob.

- Bye, Louis.

- Bye, Louis.

Nina, I am the only man in your life who

ever made any sense. You know that, right?

- I do know that.

- Good.

- Bye, sweetheart.

- Bye, Daddy.

I love you.

George!

Great show. Love your work.

Oh, do you guys wanna come over

for dinner Saturday night?

Sounds great. I'll ask Paul.

Uncle George, I had more people

come see me than anyone.

I had Mommy and Daddy and Louis

and Uncle Rodney and Uncle Sidney...

Honey, you are the luckiest little girl.

Yeah, and if you ever need any advice,

ask Auntie Constance.

Oh, stop it!

OK.

- You wanna grab some coffee?

- You always go for coffee. All you do is talk.

Well, excuse me, but we like talking.

Yeah. Nina, did you everjust wanna

touch her nose? It's just like a little tulip.

You dare start with her.

It looks nothing like a tulip. Come on.

- Mommy, I can quote the show.

- You can? Really?

Yes. Welcome to the...

Prospect Park...