03x15 - Clayton's Condo

[bunniefuu]

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

What it is, mama!

Oh, Benson!

Guess what Arnold und I
finally did last night?

Kraus, you're not
supposed to kiss and tell.

It wasn't kissing!

Then you're definitely
not supposed to tell.

We got engaged.

He gave me this ring.

Oh, isn't that
wonderful?

Congratulations!

Ah! When's the big day?

Well, it depends.

On what?
On his mother.

You see, he promised her
that he would never marry
during her lifetime.

And you're waiting to...

Until she dies.

I'm hoping for
a June wedding.

And she'll be relieved
to hear that.

Well, whenever it is,
you're invited to the
ceremony.

Thank you very much.

I wonder what she
wants me to do,

throw rice or dig.

So, what do you
think, Clayton,

is a vacation home
a good investment?

Ah, it's hard to say, sir.

Might have to ask
my business manager.

He does everything for me.

If only he'd come
to work for you.

Good morning, Benson.
Good morning, Governor.

Benson, I tried to
phone you four times
last night

about those occupational
outlook figures.

(CHUCKLES)
Where were you?

The tenants' association
in my building held a meeting,

and they elected me
president.

(LAUGHS)

Who on earth would want
such a thankless job?

Nobody, but I was the only one
late for the meeting,

so they elected me.

I was late for a battle
one time,

and it won me
the Purple Heart.

Oh, that's a
terrific story.

I've got an appointment.

See, I was late
for this battle

because of those
training films on
foot fungus.

Did you powder
your feet in the army?

No, sir, the army
had a tendency to
frown on makeup.

Oh, in the navy,
they were always harping

about the care
and maintenance
of your feet.

So, this one time,
I was down below
powdering my feet

when suddenly
the ship was under attack.

Oh, Benson,
there's nothing worse

than being in the wrong place
at the wrong time.

You're telling me.

So, I rushed up on deck,
and there I was,

under enemy fire
with no boots on.

Benson, I was barefoot.

Those were the days,
huh, sir?

I'd have made it
to the g*n turret

if I hadn't got hit.

Hmm, you got shot?

No, somebody slammed a hatch
on my big toe.

Mmm.
Broke it in three places.

So they gave me
the Purple Heart.

You got the Purple Heart
for stubbing your toe?

Benson, I was injured
in combat.

Another profile
in courage.

It's just an
amusing story,
Benson.

I wouldn't have
brought it up at all

if you hadn't kept
going on about the
tenants' association.

Well, I wasn't
going on, sir.

I just happened to mention

that they elected me
president.

Well, congratulations.

So, what does
the president do anyway?

Well, mostly
he just listens
to the tenants

complain about
their apartments.

Why don't they complain
to the landlord?

They would if they could
find the weasel.

Building is registered
under some dummy corporation,

and all we got
is a post office box.

Call the Hall of Records

and have them conduct
a title search.

Well, of course.
Why didn't I think of that?

Beats me.

You know, Benson, sometimes
you're really out to lunch.

Well, I may be
out to lunch,

but I never went
into combat barefoot.

Never won
a Purple Heart either.

Uh, look, I already got
the name of the corporation.

What I need is the name of
a human being I can yell at.

Relax, relax.
I'm not yelling at you.

These bureaucrats
are sure sensitive.

Now, just take it easy,
sweetheart.

Now, who owns the building?

Who? Clayton Endicott?

The third?

You're positive?

No, no, no, no, no.
I got his number.

Well, thank you
very much. Yeah.

Clayton the landlord.

(CHUCKLING) Well,
I'll be a son of a g*n.

Uh, Clayton,
when you get a moment,

could you stop by my office?

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Oh, he's fast.

Come in.

Benson, I know
money's tight,

but why can't you cut
somebody else's budget?

Katie, I handle
the state budget.

If you're having a problem
with your allowance,

your father's office
is down the hall.

I heard the libraries
are closing on Saturdays.

We spent the entire fifth
period arguing about it.

All the kids blame you
for cutting the budget.

Well, all the kids
are wrong. It's not me.

It's the legislature
that's cutting city budgets.

Benson, libraries
are supposed to be open
when people need them,

just like hospitals
and doughnut shops.

Well, don't
tell me, sweetheart.
Tell the legislature.

How do I do that?

Well, you and your friend
can start a petition,
but you'd better hurry

because they vote
two weeks from tomorrow.

Okay, Benson, I'll
give it a shot. Thanks.

You know, it's not easy
being a concerned citizen.

That's why
there's so few of them.

Right. Bye.

Bye.
Hello, there, princess.

And how's my favorite
little sixth grader today?

Give it a rest,
huh, Clayton?

All right, Benson,
make it fast. I'm due
at the capitol.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have bothered you.

It's just that I needed
some expert advice,

and I had nowhere else
to turn.

Oh, well, I suppose I can
spare you a few minutes.

What is it?

You have money
in real estate,
don't you?

Yes, I believe
my business manager

has me involved
in a few modest holdings.

Why, you planning on making
an investment?

Well, I'd sure love to, but
there's so much I don't know.

For instance, if I owned
an apartment building,

would I be responsible for
repairing holes in the roof?

Well, legally, you're
responsible for all repairs.

Oh, really?
Mmm-hmm.

But there are ways
around that.

Oh, you mean
they can't force me
to maintain the buildings?

No, no, no,
you misunderstand.

They can indeed force you.
The law is very specific.

But most tenants are woefully
ignorant of their rights.

Rights. I didn't know
tenants had rights.

Benson, everybody
has some rights.

Look, just between
you and me,
in this state,

all they'd have to do is put
their complaints on paper,

and you, as landlord,
would have days to comply.

If you didn't,
they could slap
a lawsuit on you.

Oh, my goodness.
It's as simple as that?

Yes, that's it.

Well, that's incredible.
Thank you.

Oh, it's my
pleasure, Benson.
Anything else?

Yes, just that.
What's this?

That's a list
of the complaints

from the tenants
in my building.

Why are you
giving it to me?

Because according to
the Hall of Records,

as of the th of last month,
you own that building.

I do?
Yes.

And you've got days
to get your act together.

Tell you what
I'm going to do.

I'm going to save you
days.

Sue me.

I don't know, Benson.

Two members of
the same staff
suing each other.

It's getting to be like
the Yankee outfield.

Well, sir, Clayton
left us no choice.

You know, as president
of the tenants' association,

I had to recommend
a lawsuit.

There was no alternative?

Well, the Cooper sisters
wanted to hire somebody

to rough him up.

So, who's handling
your case?

A lawyer
named Filo Grilnick.

Crazy Filo Grilnick?

I beg your pardon?

He was in my fraternity
in college.

Crazy Filo.

Oh, he was like
that cartoon character.

You know, the one that always
had the rain cloud

over his head all the time.

Anywhere Filo went,
bad luck was sure to follow.

This is probably
some other Filo Grilnick.

No, I'm sure it was
the same one.

Oh, he's a perfectly
fine attorney.

I'm just glad to hear that
he's practicing again.

Again?

Yeah, he took
a leave of absence

for a couple of years.

Had a breakdown.

Mmm-hmm.

Oh, but he's perfectly fine
now, I'm sure.

Just don't let him
get near a cat.

Why does he always say things
like that and leave?

Hiya, Benson,
how you doing?

Hi, Pete.

Clayton, I want to speak
to you a minute.

Peter, please
tell Mr. Dubois

that my lawyers
have advised me
not to speak to him

until after
our day in court.

I don't think Clayton's
talking to you anymore.

Clayton, that's no
attitude to take.

Clearly Mr. Dubois has
forgotten that he started it.

Well, you started it.

I did not.

You refused to consider
the welfare of the tenants.

Please inform Mr. Dubois
that I am a businessman,

not a social worker.

Well, you see, Clayton
doesn't give a damn.

Peter, if you're gonna
relay my messages,
do it verbatim.

Oh, hi, guys.
I'm glad I found you.

Would you sign
my petition?

Of course,
sweetie!

I'd be more
than happy

to sign your
little petition.

It's to keep the library
open on Saturdays.

There we go.

I'll sign it, too.

Thanks, guys.
That'll make .

Do you think
that'll do it, Benson?

No, Katie, I don't think
that's gonna be enough.

Can you think of
any place I can go

where there are
a lot of people?

Try the Unemployment Office.

Yeah, that's
a good idea. Thanks.

See you later.

Look, Clayton,
the Governor is concerned
about this lawsuit

which is affecting
our situation here at work.

Tell Benson that as far as
I'm concerned,

our work situation remains
exactly the same.

Tell Clayton he's right.

As far as I'm concerned,
he's a jerk.

Uh, Benson says...

I heard him,
you ninny.

Why do you have to talk
to me like that?

Clayton, deliver
your own messages

'cause I'm not talking
to you anymore.

You tell him, Pete.

No, you tell him.
I'm not talking to him.

Where's my gold pen?

Did you hear something?

Did Katie take
my gold pen?

I didn't hear
nothing myself.

Would you two grow up?

(TELEPHONE RINGS)
I'll get it.

Hello?

Oh, yeah, just a minute.
Benson.
BENSON: Mmm-hmm.

It's for Clayton.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Who is it?

MOLLY: Your vice president.

Come in, Molly.

The lawyer
hasn't called yet, huh?

No, I guess he's
still in court.
How'd you know?

I've been sitting downstairs
listening to you pace

for the last half-hour.

Well, I'm sorry.
It's my first lawsuit.

I feel like
an expectant plaintiff.

You're really concerned
about this, aren't you?

Well, everybody's
depending on me.

I knew you'd make
a good president.

That's why I
nominated you.

So you're the one.
You bet.

And I made you some fudge.

Molly, don't try
to buy your way
out of this.

And I brought
my family album.

I thought you might
like to look at some
of the pictures.

You also thought
I wanted to be president
of this association.

Now, here.

Here is my Uncle Bob
in his new Stutz Bearcat.

Molly, I
appreciate you

trying to take my mind
off of all this.

But you don't want to see
my family pictures.

Well...
Oh, I can't blame you.

It's really just the memories
of an old woman.

I can understand
why they might not be
important to everyone.

Molly, I didn't...

No, don't feel guilty
because you don't want
to see them.

It's not that I...
I don't feel guilty.

Are you enjoying
the fudge?

All right, all right,
I'll look at the pictures.

All right, now, here.
Guess what this is?

It's a building.

What building?

An old building.

Doesn't it look familiar?

Wait a minute.
That's this old building.

Mmm-hmm.

I didn't recognize it
without the graffiti.

I'm glad Uncle Bob
wasn't around

to see what they did
to his building.

Did Uncle Bob own
this building?

No, he designed it.

Now, what on earth
is this over here?

Oh, that? That's a picture
of me playing Peter Pan.

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

Well, that's
either Tinkerbell
or the lawyer.

Hello?

Oh, hey, Filo,
how'd it go?

Hey, man, don't be
joking around.

Look, this isn't funny.

All right, I'm gonna bring
the cat over to your office.

I knew that would
bring you around.

No kidding.

Hey, that's great!

Thank you very much.
I'll talk to you tomorrow.

We won?

The court has instructed
Mr. Endicott

to repair his building
within days.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Oh, I am so glad
you convinced us

to go to the mat
with him on this.

The victory
belongs to all of us.

No, it was your idea.

The tenants would have backed
out if it hadn't been for you.

Oh, come on.
No, the credit is all yours.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Come in. You know,
we should celebrate.
All right.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Come in.

I've got some wine
in the refrigerator.
I'll get it.

All right, all right.

Clayton, what are you
doing here?

Well, I came to
congratulate you on
your victory in court

and to post this notice.

"Notice of Conversion"?

What does this mean?
You're a born-again
landlord?

No, it means that
since I'm now forced

to make all these
very expensive repairs,

the only way I can recoup
my investment

is to convert this building
into condominiums.

Condominiums?

Of course,
the current occupants

will have the
first option to buy.

However, should you choose
not to exercise that option,

your only recourse will be
to pack up and get out.

Condominiums.

Does it say
how much they'll cost?

Well, they start
at $,.

(SIGHS) I don't
have $,.

What am I going to do?

I don't know, Molly.

Well, you knew before.

"Sue him," you said.

"Take him to court.
Let's fight him
to the finish."

Well, we're finished now,
Mr. President.

I'm going to see
that you're impeached.

You are leaving early,
Benson.

Yeah, I'm moving tomorrow.
I got to go home and pack.

I can't believe
you are letting Clayton

throw you out
into the street.

What kind of man
are you, anyway?

The kind that won't be forced
into buying a condo.

Benson, that place
is your home.

It has memories.
You're going to miss it.

Yeah, I did have some
wonderful times there.

Like the time
Arnold und I dropped by

at : in the morning.

That wasn't one of them.

Would you like us
to come over und
help you pack?

No, that's okay.
Pete's gonna lend me
a hand.

It's no trouble.

I just have to drive out
and pick up Arnold

at his private office.

Private office?

Kraus, the man works
in the toll booth.

Ja, well, he's the senior
exact-change man.

It's a tough job, Benson.

People are always throwing
foreign objects

into the change basket.

Oh, that's how he met you.

Daddy, I've tried.

I just can't get enough
signatures on the petition.

Katie, I'm sorry.
I have to go make a speech.

Hey, listen, why don't you
come with me?

There'll be a lot of people
at the Federal Building.

Okay, Daddy.
What's the speech about?

I'm dedicating a plaque
to a famous architect.

You'll love it.

Anything to get
more signatures.
Fine.

Miss Kraus, we'll be back
in time for dinner.

Yes, sir.

Governor, I know it is
none of my business...

What is it?

But we have to talk about
what Clayton is doing
to Benson.

Not now, Miss Kraus.

Ja, I know you're busy.

No, I'm just so steamed up
about Clayton,

I'm afraid I'll say something
that I'll regret later on.

Yeah, Daddy's afraid
he might call him a nerd.

Katie.

I could do a lot better
than "nerd."

So can I.

Now, listen here, you two.

If you can't say
something nice
about somebody,

don't say anything at all.

Hello, there, everybody.

Sorry I missed you all
at lunch today,

but I had a meeting
with my contractor.

The sketches for the condo
are breathtaking,

but I'm afraid
I greatly underestimated

the cost per unit.

So, unfortunately,
I'm going to be forced to...

Raise the price.

Never mind. We can
talk about it later.

Hey, Benson, how much
do you want for this lamp?

Pete, this is not
a rummage sale.

I'm simply moving.

Yeah, but this would
look great in my bedroom.

It looks great
in my bedroom.

You know, I don't know why
you're going to a hotel.

You could stay
at the mansion till
you find a place.

I can tell you that
in one word, Kraus.

Benson, are you gonna
save this?

Well, of course I'm going
to save it, Pete.

It's my television set.

Just checking.

Aren't you gonna throw
anything out?

You, if you keep this up.

Look, look, look.
The Governor's on TV.

Oh, must be important.

It's pre-empting
the green grocer.

Shh.

I am very pleased
at the turnout of
today's dedication.

J. Robert Emerson
was not only
a famous architect,

he was also a very concerned
member of our community.

Thank you very much,
Governor Gatling.

Incidentally, my daughter
Katie is involved

in a public project
right now

that might interest
your viewers.

Right, Katie?

(SOFTLY) Daddy,
this is embarrassing.

What project is that,
Miss Gatling?

No comment.

Katie, this is
your opportunity

to talk to more than
people.

Oh. Well, I think
the libraries should
stay open on Saturdays.

Are you talking about
the proposed budget cuts?

Yeah, some people
don't have a chance

to go to the libraries
during the week.

They're too busy.

People have to speak up
about this.

Hey, Katie is great.

You know, we could use her
on the road next election.

She's got style.
She's got charisma.

She's got presence.

She's got school.

If there isn't enough money,
maybe they need volunteers.

My friend Benson
thinks...

I'm sorry to interrupt you,
Katie, but we're out of time.

Don't you want to hear
what Benson thinks?

Let the kid talk.

Thank you very much,
Miss Gatling.

Wait, I'm not
finished yet.

Libraries are very
important to our future.

She's right, you know.
Thank you, Governor.

All you people out there,
call your legislators.

Again, thank you,
Miss Gatling.

I'm sure the public
will respond to your plea.
This is Morgana Nelson...

Just a moment,
Miss Nelson.

Hey, hey, Benson,

isn't that the lady
that lives downstairs?

Yeah. What's she
doing there?

This is Molly Emerson,

the niece of the man that
we honored today.

I watch you
all the time.
Thank you.

Governor, I just wanted
to thank you

for the wonderful things
you said at the dedication.

I only wish my Uncle Bob
could have been here.

Uncle Bob?
J. Robert Emerson.

Her uncle is the famous
architect J. Robert Emerson.

I know.
I can hear.

No, Pete, you don't
understand. No.

J. Robert Emerson
designed this building.

This is Morgana Nelson
reporting live from the
Federal Building.

And this is Benson Dubois

reporting things
are looking up.

And then when I walked
into the cafeteria,

all the kids cheered
like I was some kind of hero.

Well, you are a hero.

If all those people
hadn't seen you on TV

und written
their legislators,

the libraries would be
closed on Saturday.

Yes, her first
political victory.

I'm really proud.

Chip off of the old block,
right, sir?

Oh, I hope not.

He's on his way up.
He's on his way up.

Everybody look like
they're having fun.

Here you go, Pete.

What is that
you're wearing?

I'm just pretending
I'm at a party.

Take that off!

Some party.

Boy, is he tense.

Ah, Clayton,
come on in.

Well, Clayton.

Welcome to the party.

BENSON: Come on in, Clayton.
Join the fun.

Well, Benson, I must say

you're being a surprisingly
good sport about this.

Well, you know what I say.
What's past is past.

I'm sure if our positions
were reversed,

you'd feel
exactly the same.

Well, I suppose.

Still, I feel
out of place.

After all, I am the reason
you're moving.

Forget it, forget it!

Come on and make
yourself at home.

What am I saying?
It is your home.

Well, Clayton,
you're just in time.

We were about
to play charades.

Ja, charades.

And I have the papers
with the movie titles.

Oh, I haven't played charades
since I was at Princeton!

Well, what are
we waiting for?
Who's gonna go first?

I'll go first.

All right.

Ah. Ah.

Okay, here we go.

That's a movie. Movie.

Right!

On the nose.

Gee, Clayton,
you're really good.

Daddy, can I go
to Princeton?

Can we get on
with the game, sir?

Yeah, sure.
Okay, here we go.

Uh, One Flew Over
the Cuckoo's Nest.

That's right.

Oh!

How did she get that
so quickly?

Takes one to know one.

Okay, Endicott, let's see
you show your stuff.

All righty.
Here we go.

"Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde."

Easy.
(CLEARS THROAT)

All right, ready?

It's a movie.

Yes.
(CLEARS THROAT)

MOLLY: First word.
(MUMBLING)

KRAUS: Earlobes.

GOVERNOR: Uh, head?

(STUTTERING) My...

ALL: My!

MOLLY: Uh, second word.

B... B... Bill.

Builder.

Building.

Building!

ALL: My building.

No, no, no.
Um, all right.

(CLEARS THROAT)

KRAUS: History!

MOLLY: Uh, hysterical?

Historical.

ALL: My building historical.

Jean Harlow!

What?

Land... Land...
Landing.

Landmark!

ALL: Landmark!

I thought you people knew
how to play this game.

What kind of answers
are you giving me?

My...building...historical...
Landmark.

Wait a minute.

My building
is a historical landmark?

It's the very
first building

designed by
J. Robert Emerson.

And that means you cannot
convert it into condominiums.

I can't convert it?

What am I gonna do
with this heap of bricks?

Fix it! Fix it!

Here's to
Clayton Endicott III,

statesman, investor,
landlord.

You've got days.

Now let's
have a party here.

Oh, Gretchen,
that's a lovely ring.

Would you like
to see a snapshot
of my Arnold?

Kraus, everybody else
has left over an hour ago.

Don't be a
party pooper, Benson.

Molly wants
to see Arnold.

Give her cents.
Let her visit him
at the tollbooth.

He's right. It is late.
I'll see ya tomorrow
morning.

Good night.

Good night, Molly.
Good night, Molly.

I thought she'd
never leave.

Kraus, what does
that mean?

Well, I wanted to
be alone with you.

You're engaged!

Yeah, that's what I wanted
to talk to you about, um...

See, now that Arnold
has given me a ring

what does that
entitle him to?

Combat pay.
No.

I mean, is he allowed to
take liberties?

Yes, one every days.

Good night, Kraus.