09x07 - Sock-a-Bye Baby

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

Goodbye, Jimmy.

My baby.

[CRYING SOFTLY]

[CRYING]

[SNORES]

[WHISTLES] [WHISTLES]

[WHISTLES] [SNORES]

[WHISTLES] [WHISTLES]

[WHISTLES] [SNORES]

[WHISTLES] [WHISTLES]

[WHISTLES] [SNORES]

[WHISTLES] [WHISTLES]

[WHISTLES]

[WHISTLES]

[BABY WAILS]

[IMITATES TRAIN]

[SNORES, WHIMPERS]

What's the matter?
What happened?

It's bad enough you snore
like a train,

but when you cry like a baby,
that's too much.

I didn't-- [BABY WAILS]

It's that tomcat again.

Come on, boys. Get the shoes.

Where's that cat?
I'll m*rder it.

Kitty, kitty, kitty.

[BABY CRYING]

What do you know? A baby.

[ALL CHATTERING]

[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
♪ A lovely baby ♪

[LAUGHS]

Isn't he cute?

Gee, I wonder
if I looked like that

when I was delivered
by the stork.

When you were born, you
were delivered by a buzzard.

Oh, special delivery, eh?

Well, boys, looks like
we're a father.

"Please take Jimmy to your heart
and give him a good home.

"He's yours. A
brokenhearted mother." Hmm.

MOE: What a cute little kisser.

Watch me make him laugh.

Zip. Boom. Cuckoo.

[CRYING]

Ah, you don't know how to make
a baby laugh. Watch this.

[BABBLING]

[CONTINUES CRYING]

Heh. Heh-heh.

[WHIMPERS, SNORTS]

Wait. I'll show you
how to make a baby stop crying.

♪ He's a Japanese band man ♪

♪ And a Japanese wife ♪

What am I saying?
Pooh on the Japanese.

Look, honey, look.

[SOBBING] The kid's
un-- Kid's unhappy.

So am I.

[BABBLES]

[ALL CRYING]

[GIGGLING]

[SNORING]

[GROANING]

[MOANING]

[SNORING]

[GROANING]

[MOANING]

[SNORING]

[GROANING]

[MOANING]

[SNORING]

Hello, Jimmy.

Nice baby.

Coochie-coochie-coochie-coo.

[LAUGHING]

Coochie-coochie-coo.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Oh!

Hey, what's the idea?

Shh! Quiet.
You wanna wake the kid up?

I forgot.
I'm one-third of a father.

Yeah, let's see how he's doing.

Well.

Say, he's gonna wake up hungry.

Better get him something to eat.

Good idea.
Get your clothes on. Come on.

Hey, what do kids eat?

What do kids eat?
That's easy: soft stuff.

No bones, no potato chips.

What did you eat
when you were a baby?

Weeds.

I got it.

Why don't we fix him
a full-course banquet

and let him take his pick?

For once, you're showing
a slight trace of brains.

Hop down to the market
and buy the works.

Right.

Don't forget the dill pickles
and a highchair.

Ha! I can't get over it.

Me, a parent.
How do you like that?

[YELLING]

Mmph!

Ow.

Oh! Oh!

[FRUSTRATED GRUNT]

Yuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh. Yuh. There.

[EXHALES]

[GAGGING]

Now, let me see.

A dash of
"worcestershyster" sauce.

Dash. Dash.

Some onion juice.

Oh!

Double-crosser.
A "nazzy" onion, eh?

CURLY: Hey.

I got the cheese.

All right. Get it in here.

[LAUGHS]

[TRAP SNAPS] Oh! Oh. Ooh. Ooh.

These mousetraps are dan--
[TRAP SNAPS]

[GROANING]

[TRAP SNAPS, MOE YELLING]

I got the-- Nyuh-uh-uh-uh-uh.

[GROANS]

[YELLS]

Hey, fellas, have I got food
for the baby.

Look at this.

Celery and radishes,

artichokes,

herring,

Limburger,

bicarbonate,

beer. Oh,

and I got nipples.
They just fit.

I tried 'em, see?

[BABBLING]

Ooh!

What's the idea?

I-- [SQUEAKING]

[PANTING]

[CHUCKLES]

[GRUNTS]

[YELLS]

Oh.

Come over here.

Get this celery cleaned up.

[WHIMPERS] Come on.

You, clean up the table,
and do it quick.

LARRY: Right.

Get that celery clean. Hurry up.
[WHINES]

What's the matter with you?
Go on.

Get that celery clean.

Oh!

Take that celery and scrub it.

Go on, go on, go on.

[SPUTTERING]

[YELPS]

Scrub the celery.

How do you like that guy?

Hey, what are you gonna do,
play around all day, you guys?

The baby's liable
to wake up any minute.

Okay.

Ah... ah... ah...

[SNEEZES]

[SPLUTTERS]

[SPITS]

That's a fine way
to waste flour.

What's the matter with you?
I couldn't help it.

[BABY CRYING]

Take care of the kid.
He wants room service.

Right.

♪ I was born in Brazil
And I grew on a tree ♪

♪ When they shook the tree
Then I fell down ♪

♪ Then they put me in a bag
And they fastened on a tag ♪

♪ And they shipped me off
To Yorktown ♪

Hey, grapehead,
that's no way to clean celery.

No? No.

Hey, Moe...

[INAUDIBLE]

No. Yeah.

I'll fix that.
Clean this table off.

Here. Cut that right down there.

Pull that. All right.

I'll search
for some safety pins.

Ow!

Oh, why, you imbecile, you.

I'm sorry, Moe.

[GROANING] [LAUGHING]

Give me that.

Yeah.

What's that?

The eternal triangle.

[CHUCKLES] [CHUCKLES]

What size?

I don't know.
Maybe and seven-eighths.

We'll need a model.

You're just the type.
Get up there.

Not me. Ha-ha!

Come on. [GROANING]

Move it down here. Mmph!

Get the pins. Get up here.

Get down.

Woo.

Ah, that's going.

Look out. You're choking me.

LARRY: Here you are.

Okay.

[FRUSTRATED WHINE]

There we are.

Get down there.

Ha-ha! A perfect .

All right, get it off.

Come on, Jimmy. Here we go.

Boy, there we go.

There we are. Okay.

[GIGGLES]

Hey, where are you?

Here. Here.

Oh, there you are. Ha-ha!

Boys, all we need
is a few slight alterations.

Stand by, doc.

[COOS]

[GIGGLES]

Scissors. Scissors.

[SCISSORS SNIP]

Argh! Pin. Pin.

Scissors.

Pin. Pin.

Pin. Pin.

Pin. Pin.

Pin. Pin.

Pin. Pin.

Pin. Pin.

Scissors.

Scissors!

Pin. Pin.

Pin. Pin.

Scissors.

Scissors!

Pin. Pin.

Ah.

[COOING]

Wait till you see the meal
we have for you.

Fit for a king.

Even better,
fit for an airplane worker.

[BABY COOING]

Come on. [STUTTERS]

Nyuck, nyuck.

[RHYTHMICALLY]
There's enchiladas,

spaghetti, artichokes,

onions, celery, olives,

radishes, pigs' feet
and herring.

[HUMMING]

Come on, get going.

Here we are, ready or not.

Look.

A nice radish.

[CRUNCHING]

[BURPS]

Gesundheit. Heh!

Nice manners
you're teaching him.

Get out of here. Oof!

Now you're getting
your vitamins.

Starch, vegetables,
"hypochondriacs."

Try an olive.

Oh!

[BABY GIGGLES]

Wise guy.

Maybe he'd like a smarty-coke,

a party-smoke, uh, okey-doke,
this feathered apple.

"Yartichoke."

You too.

[BARKS]

Here you are, sonny.

Fool around with that
for a while.

[COOS]

While he fills up the cavity,

I think I'll read
the scandal sheet.

[CRIES]

Come on, eat it, like this:

Hmm.

I'd like to meet the guy

that invented these
barbed-wire pineapples.

Ah, quiet.

[CRYING]

MOE: Oh.

[HUFFS]

He don't like "yartichoke."

Here, give him some spaghetti.

Okay. There.

There's some spaghetti
for you, and don't get tough.

Hey, fellas.
Get a load of these headlines.

"Police scour city
for kidnapped baby."

That's nothing.
Kids always get into mischief.

Now, when I was a kid--
Kidnapped?

Who? What? When? Let me see.

There.

"Police fear kidnappers
grabbed Collins' baby

"and are holding it for ransom.

So far, the kidnappers
have not contacted the family."

Fellas, do you think that's it?

Sure. The kidnappers
got cold feet

and left us with a kid
with a phony note.

And we fell for it. Oh!

He don't like spaghetti, either.

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

Hey, bunionhead,
answer that door.

Give the kid back his spaghetti.

What are you gonna do,
eat it yourself?

No, you eat it. [SPITS]

How do you like it? Blah.

[STAMMERS, YELPS]

[GRUNTS, SPUTTERS]

Wha--?

[WHIMPERING]

Hey, fellas, it's the cops.

They're after us for kidnapping.

We gotta hide the evidence.

[COOING]

Let me see, now. The window.

Scram.

[CURLY WHIMPERS]

Now, I'll go and find your baby.

[YELLING]

Psst. Okay.

What's the matter?
The baby disappeared.

That's exactly what
we're gonna do.

Come on.

There they go.

Well, come on. Yeah.

I don't see them any place.

Maybe they went down
that dirt road there.

You go down there and look,
and I'll follow the highway.

If I don't see them,
I'll come back.

All right.

Shh. Quiet. I hear a motorcycle.

Hold it. Hold it.
I hear the other one coming.

Where are they? How do I know?

How do you expect me to see
through the canvas?

Quiet. Oh.

[COOING]

Say, there must be pigeons
in this car.

Yeah.

[GIGGLES]

It's the baby. It's in the car.

Nyuh. Now we're in for it.

Everything will be all right
as long as the kid keeps quiet.

I'll cut a hole in the canvas
and see where the cops are.

Good idea. If you see them,
let me know.

[BABY CRIES]
I'll keep the baby quiet.

[HORN HONKING]

Mm-hm.

Hey, there's somebody out here
honking his horn.

Yeah, it's you, you dope.
Get off.

[HONKING STOPS]

[ENGINE REVS]

Let's get those guys. All right.

Spread out.
I gotta signal for a turn.

[WHIMPERS]

Get your g*n.
They may be violent.

Stick 'em up. Stick 'em up.

Baby. Aw, my baby.

Darling. My baby.

I'm sorry
we quarrelled last night.

Me too. I was so despondent.

That's why I left Jimmy
on that doorstep.

Don't worry. It won't
happen again. No.

Say, what do you suppose
became of those three goofs?

You got me.

They still don't know

that all we wanted was the baby.

Yeah.

CURLY:
Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo!

[♪]