01x16 - The Buntline Special

[bunniefuu]

( Men humming )

♪ Wyatt earp ♪

♪ Wyatt earp ♪

♪ Brave,

Courageous and bold ♪

♪ Long live his fame ♪

♪ And long live his glory ♪

♪ And long may his story

Be told. ♪

( Humming continues )

Mr. Wilkins.

Three cents,

A jack knife and a watch.

- Is that right?

- That's right.

Sign that receipt.

Boy, you can sure

Give a man a hang over

With that g*n barrel

Of yours.

Well, it's better than

Being shot, isn't it?

Yeah, I reckon.

Thank you, marshal.

And don't come back.

Don't worry...

I won't.

Mr. James...

You got one, two,

Three, four, five, six--

And a dime.

Rabbit's foot

And a comb.

Sign it.

Mr. Clements.

, , , ...

...

And cents.

Well, it looks like

You didn't spend much.

You're lucky.

Sure, real lucky.

Spending my vacation

In this hole.

Oh, it's not too bad.

Food's pretty good.

Listen to me, earp,

You made a monkey out of me

And I'll be back.

And I'm not coming alone,

Either.

My brothers will be with me

And you'll wish you'd

Never seen me.

Clements, you made

A monkey out of yourself!

You didn't check your g*ns

And you had plenty of time

To do it.

Now as for your brothers,

I took care of manon

And I'll be very happy

To meet the rest of them.

- I'll tell them.

- Yeah, you do that.

Now here's your g*n.

But I don't want you

To load it or put it on

Until you get

On the outskirts of town.

You're throwing me

Out of town, huh?

That's right.

And when you cool off,

You can come back in town

If you want to.

But remember to check that.

Come here.

Sign your receipt.

Like I said,

- I'll be back.

- I'll be here.

Clements!

You slam that door,

And I'll throw you back

In the cell.

That young clements

Is going to turn out

Even worse than his brothers.

If he lives long enough.

Ah, his pride's hurt.

He'll get over it.

Marshal!

There's a funny looking

Dude over at the wichita.

Says he wants to see you.

- A dude?

- Yeah, and packing

The biggest g*n I ever saw.

You ought to see

The size of it.

Yeah, I guess I ought to.

- Sam, check those out

For me, will you?

- Yes, sir.

I'll be back

In a little while.

( Murmuring )

So earp came

From ellsworth

To wichita

- Several months ago, eh?

- Yep.

Well why did he

Leave ellsworth?

They run him out?

Yep, they insulted him,

So he left.

- He's very sensitive.

- ( All laughing )

Now never mind

The sarcasm.

I just want the facts,

Doctor.

I want to know everything

There is to know

About wyatt earp.

- Well now what's the matter?

- Nothing, nothing.

I was just wondering if you'd

Fit a regular-sized coffin,

Or if I should have one

Specially made to order.

A little wider

Across the beam.

( All laugh )

- Now you stop talking

Like that or...

- Or what?

Or you stop drinking

Out of my bottle.

Now you ready to answer

My questions?

- All right.

- All right.

I'll answer all I can.

- How many men

Did he k*ll?

- Who?

Well who do you think?!

Wyatt earp!

Oh, him!

None.

None as far as I know.

All right.

None?

Well what kind

Of a frontier marshal

Is that?

I think I better let

The marshal himself

- Answer you on that one.

- What--

- Are you wyatt earp?

- Yes, sir.

Well I've come a long way

To meet you.

My name is buntline.

Ned buntline.

- You've heard of me.

- I don't think I have,

Mr. Buntline.

Oh you must have.

I write dime novels

About the west.

I've written

Hundreds of them.

What's the matter?

You people out here,

Don't you read?

Well I was just about to ask

You the same question.

- Can you?

- Well, i--

Sir, you are

Addressing a man whose

Command of english

- Is the envy of--

- A simple no or yes

Will be sufficient.

Well of course I read,

You idiot!

Then you're under arrest.

Under arrest?

What for?

- For that.

- Huh, for what?

Oh, I'm a little

Near-sighted. I can't...

See a thing...

Oh.

I beg your pardon,

Marshal.

- ( Gasps )

- If you don't mind.

This isn't loaded.

Well the law makes

No distinction

Between loaded and unloaded

g*ns, mr. Buntline

It isn't even mine.

Just read

The inscription on it.

What's this all about?

It's a gratuity,

Mr. Earp.

It's a small token

Of my admiration for you

As the most stalwart

Of the-- of the--

It's not true

That you haven't k*lled

Anybody here

In wichita, is it?

Oh, it doesn't

Make a difference.

People will never

Believe that.

They'll believe

What I tell them to believe.

Marshal,

This is your lucky day.

Mr. Buntline,

I think you've been

Drinking too much.

Well of course I have.

That's what a saloon's for,

Isn't it?

( All laugh )

- I think you better

Come along with me.

- Well I certainly will.

That's what I've traveled

, Miles to do.

( Laughs )

- ( Others laugh )

- Mr. Earp,

You are one of the...

I've undergone a great

Many inconveniences

To make this trip.

I-- I left

My favorite razor

Back in boston.

I forgot it

And now I can't shave

Until I get back home.

- Why not?

- Because I'm sensitive.

- Oh.

- And believe me, sir,

I didn't leave

A luxurious home

In new england

Just for the trip.

I came here

For one purpose.

And one purpose only--

To see marshal wyatt earp

Of wichita

And to offer him

Fame and wealth

Beyond his wildest dreams.

Mr. Buntline,

I still haven't

The slightest idea

What you're talking about.

Well now,

Surely the thought of

Fabulous wealth, complete

Financial independence--

Surely that's a thought

Worth exploring, is it not?

Go ahead

And explore it.

Smoke, gentlemen?

They're specially made.

Cost more than

A dollar each.

No thanks.

Are the windows open?

I'll take one.

Mr. Earp,

Have you ever heard

Of a man named

William f. Cody?

Buffalo bill,

Sure.

You know who made

Buffalo bill?

Do you know

Who changed him

From a nondescript,

Practically penniless hunter,

Into an international

Figure of fame?

- No.

- Buntline: do you know--

Do you know

This isn't a bad cigar?

Thank you.

Do you know who made

Buffalo bill

The idol of every

Female in america?

Do you know

Who enabled him

To earn ,

American dollars

In less than

One year's time?

- No, who?

- Me! Ned buntline.

It figures.

And I can do the same

Thing for you.

Now think about it.

Your name up on the banners

Just like buffalo bill's.

"Ned buntline presents

His wild west show.

Featuring in person,

Wyatt earp the great

Frontier marshal."

How does that

Sound to you?

It sounds ridiculous.

What?

Well, maybe I haven't

Made myself clear.

All you'd have to do

Would be to--

All I'd have to do

Is stand up on a stage

And make a fool of myself.

Get all dressed up

In fancy clothes

And smile

At a thousand staring faces.

No, you make yourself

Very clear.

Now just a moment,

Marshal.

- I warn you--

- I'm the one that does

The warning around here!

Now you get out and stay out!

Go back to where you came from!

- You can't talk

To me like that!

- Go on, get out!

Ah, ah,

Wyatt, wyatt.

You took the fellow

Too serious.

He was only trying

To make you filthy rich.

- And filthy is the word.

- Sit down.

I want to give you

Some advice.

No, I know you never

Listen to any of it.

Please, listen to me.

All right.

Wyatt,

Each man has to decide

What he will do

Or won't do for money.

But I hated to see you

Passing judgment on buntline.

I didn't do that.

A plain no

Is enough.

Instead you threw

Him out.

That's passing judgment.

I guess I did

Lose my temper.

Buntline can claim respect

On a good many counts.

I'd say offhand

That...

He's made about

A million children happy.

Don't you add that

To his favor?

Yeah.

All right, I was wrong.

I'll-- I'll

Apologize to him.

Good.

Good.

Oh, and another thing.

He went

To considerable trouble

And expense

To have this thing

Especially made for you.

Now the least you can do

Is try it out for him.

Maybe I will.

Look at that.

I wonder what it is.

Well, uh,

Good morning, gentlemen.

- It's alive. It talks.

- Come on, let's go to town.

We've got things to do.

Now wait a minute, kid.

That'll keep.

That's one thing

You got to learn--

Never pass up fun

When you find it.

Life's too short.

( Stammers )

What do you mean fun?

Fun.

Say, you know, that's a real

Fancy outfit you've got on.

Well, thank you very much.

- Now stop it, will you?

- Say, wait a minute,

Mister!

There's one thing

You got to learn

About this country--

Don't insult people

Who are trying to make

Friends with you!

( Stammers )

Well I didn't insult you.

I--

Will you have a cigar?

You're a dude

Smuggler, huh?

- You're in trouble.

- Oh, I'm no--

Hey now, cut it out,

You men, will you?

Now I warn you,

You'll regret it.

- You don't say.

- Yes, I do say.

I don't think the marshal

Would like to see his

Friends mistreated.

The marshal, huh?

You a friend of the marshal?

- Wyatt? I should say

That I am.

- Yeah.

He's practically

A partner of mine.

Now, I tell you...

Let's just forget this

And I won't say anything.

- I've got a sense of humor.

- Well it's a good thing

You have.

Yeah, you're going to

Need where you're going.

You're coming with us.

- Oh no, I'm not.

- Shut up. You're coming

With us!

Well I guess I am.

Marshal, that wild

Clements kid

Is back here looking for you

With one of his brothers.

- Well, they check

Their g*ns?

- No.

- Where are they?

- Sitting on their horses

Right up the street.

And listen, marshal.

You know that noisy tenderfoot

That was here yesterday?

- Buntline?

- Yeah.

Well he's with them.

- You sure?

- Positive.

That's close enough,

Marshal.

Mr. Buntline,

You're in bad company.

- ( Stammers )

Not of my choosing--

- Shut up!

I told you

I was coming back.

Chip,

You surprise me.

I figured you'd raise

Your kid brother to fight

His own battles.

I did. I just come

Along to see if it

Was a fair fight.

That don't mean no shotgun

Against a six-g*n.

It's going to take

Some mighty fancy

Scatter-g*n sh**ting

To miss your dude

Friend here.

Hell, I've never had

To k*ll anyone yet.

I'd hate to have you

Be the first.

It's going to be you or me.

You can make up your mind

To that.

I'm sorry, boy.

Never mind being sorry.

Just get rid

Of that shotgun.

Then you and the kid

Can sh**t it out alone

With six-g*ns.

- What about you?

- You know me better

Than that.

I'm not butting in

If it's a fair fight.

All right, hal,

You got yourself a sh**t-out.

I'll be right back.

- He's yellow!

- No he ain't.

He says he'll be back,

He'll be back.

You just better be

Fast today, kid.

Don't worry about it.

I can beat him.

Yeah, I reckon you can

At that.

Matter of fact,

I'd be willing to make

A bet on it

If I could find

Somebody to bet with.

You stay here.

All right, hal,

Get off your horse.

Whoa.

You said something

About a wager, mr. Clements.

I'd like to bet $

On the marshal.

You got yourself a bet.

All right,

Hold it right there.

Now make your play.

You're crazy.

You can't hit anything

From there.

I can hit you.

Now draw!

( g*n clicks )

- What's that?

- That is a buntline special.

Well now,

Just a minute!

( Both grunting )

Sam, come on over here

And break that up!

( Grunting continues )

Well, you had your

sh**t-out, hal.

You're still alive,

I'm glad.

You really are.

Yeah.

Now go on to the jail.

Yeah.

You're a mighty excitable

Little man, mr. Buntline.

And you're a coward,

Mr. Clements.

Hold it!

You talk about fair fights.

You were going to use

That r*fle on the marshal.

- Oh it might have looked

That way to you, but--

- Aaaah.

Are you staying in town?

If you are, check

Your g*n, now.

No, I'm not staying.

Mr. Clements,

You owe me money.

You're right, yeah.

- ( Coins rattle )

- Thank you.

You're welcome.

And i, uh...

I wasn't going to use

This r*fle on the marshal.

Yes, well I say you were.

- Well I say I wasn't!

- Yeah, all right.

You were.

( Chuckles )

Gentlemen!

The drinks are on me!

- ( All laugh )

- No you don't!

No you don't!

- Not till you

Get that patched up.

- We can patch and drink.

You come on over

To my place.

I'll see you

At the texas house!

There you are,

Mr. Buntline.

I'm sure you won't have

Any complications now.

Just wear that

For a couple of days.

Yeah, well, I may wear

That a little bit longer.

- ( Laughs )

- How's your jaw feel?

Well, it's still

A little sore,

But nothing to affect

My drinking.

- Would you like a little nip?

- You're the doctor.

Well, I'll prescribe

A little spot of elixir.

All right.

( Chuckles )

I call this flue's

Spavin cure

- I'm sure you'll like it.

- Good.

It'll take the wrinkles

Out of your jaw

- And out of your head.

- ( Both chuckle )

- Thank you.

- Hold it now.

Here we go.

- A little toast.

- Mm-mmm.

To your health,

Mr. Buntline.

- And to your courage.

- Oh, doc, i--

Well thank you, doctor.

Thank you very much.

If I was a drinking man,

I'd join the doc

In that toast.

Well that's very kind

Of you to say that, marshal.

So you like the special,

Huh?

Yes, sir, I sure do.

It's a fine weapon.

Good good.

Sit down, marshal.

Well thank you.

I, uh...

There are a couple of things

I'd like to say to you.

First, i, uh...

Want to tell you how much

I appreciate your action

On the street today.

You're a very brave man.

Well I never did

Anything like it before.

You know, marshal,

I think there's something

About your part of the country

That gives men courage

When they need it.

An interesting observation,

Mr. Buntline.

And very possibly true.

And there's

Something else.

I owe you an apology.

I hope you'll accept it.

An apology?

What for?

For treating you

The way I did yesterday.

I had no right

To be angered

By your business proposition.

I'm sorry.

Does that mean you

Accept it?

No, sir.

I've thought it over

And I've decided against it.

- I thank you just the same.

- I'd wish you tell me why.

Well, I'll try

To answer that.

I guess it's because

I like the frontier.

I like the people.

I admire and respect them,

Even the bad ones

Sometimes.

I think I know

What you mean.

Those clements brothers,

For instance.

No matter what else they are,

They're still strong men.

Yeah. It takes a certain

Kind of man to make the west.

It always has.

I guess I just wouldn't

Be happy in any other

Surroundings.

No matter how much money

I could make elsewhere.

Well, we'd have cleaned up,

You and i.

Well...

I tried anyway.

Believe me, the trip

Was well worth it.

- About this g*n.

- Now that g*n is yours.

I'd like to keep it,

But I can't accept it

As a gift.

I'll buy it from you.

A regulation colt's

Worth about $ new.

I figure this is

Worth about .

- Will that be all right,

Mr. Buntline?

- It will not.

Now, look, I'll make

More than times

What that cost

With my eyewitness

Account

Of the hair-raising,

Breath-taking

Six-g*n duel

In the dusty, silent

Sun-baked streets

Of wichita, kansas

At ⢠a copy.

Well, all right,

Mr. Buntline.

I accept it

With thanks.

It saved a life today.

Might have been my own.

Marshal,

All I can say is

- Wear it in good health.

- Thank you.

Yeah, well I'd better

Get back to boston

And get a shave.

- Good bye, doctor.

- Good bye.

- Marshal earp.

- Good bye, mr. Buntline.

- You have a good trip now.

- Oh, thank you.

♪ Well he cleaned up

The country ♪

♪ The old wild west

Country ♪

♪ He made law and order

Prevail ♪

♪ And none can deny it ♪

♪ The legend of wyatt ♪

♪ Forever will live

On the trail ♪

♪ Oh, wyatt earp ♪

♪ Wyatt earp ♪

♪ Brave,

Courageous and bold ♪

♪ Long live his fame

And long live his glory ♪

♪ And long may his story

Be told ♪

♪ Long may his story ♪

♪ Be told. ♪