23x04 - For Crimin' Out Loud

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

[LIQUID BUBBLING]

LARRY:
This report's all wrong.

This report's all right
because I made it out.

Oh, that's what's
wrong with it.

Shut up.

Shemp, how we doing?
Any new clues?

Not yet. This test
will prove plenty though.

Larry, get the p*stol.
We'll make a ballistics test.

Shemp,
get me that Smith toupee.

Smith toupee?
Yeah.

Sure, hold this.

Fine.

[SCREAMS]

[LIQUID SIZZLING]
Aah...

[SCREAMS]

[LARRY SCREAMS]

Hey, Moe!
Moe, help me!

[MUMBLING]

All right, kid,
take it easy.

Hold still.
Aah.

Hold still, kid.

There we are.
Ahh.

Gee, thanks, Moe.

Sorry kid.
Relax, sit down.

I can't,
the tube is in--

Oh, go on. Sit down.

[LARRY SCREAMS]

[SCREAMING]

What's the idea,
shelling me?

Oh, ungrateful, eh?

Come on.
Oh, yeah?

[GRUNTS]

[MOE GROWLS]

Oh!

What's the idea,
taking so long?

Where's the toupee?
Where did you file it?

Well I...
Oh, I remember now.

I filed Smith's toupee
under D.

What's the idea
of filing it under D?

It had dandruff.

Why, you imbecile.

Leave the imbecile
alone.

Oh, yeah?

Get out of here.
Leave him alone.

I told you,
leave him alone.

[CRUNCH]

[SCREAMS]

Why you--
I'll k*ll you!

Wait a minute,
we got work to do.

k*ll him later.
Remind me to k*ll you later.

I won't
have time later.

Then I'll k*ll you now.

[GROANING]

Why you...

MOE:
I'll mash you.

Why, I'll--
Oh, look. Look!

I told you that thing
had dandruff.

Leaping dandruff!

Hey, it's alive.

Get something
and k*ll it, k*ll it!

Wait a minute.

I'll k*ll it.

Don't sh**t.
We gotta test that g*n

to see if it's
the m*rder w*apon.

You're right. This g*n
may solve the crime.

Yeah, but wait a minute.
If it doesn't--

We haven't got time to wait.
We're late now.

Hey, Shemp's got
a point there.

If we--
If, if, if!

We gotta find out
and right away.

Well, uh--
Nyah...

Be careful
with that thing.

[GRUNTS]

Who threw that?

What's the matter
with you?

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Come in.

Oh, a new newsboy girl, eh?

Baby, you can peddle
your papers here any day.

Eep, eep, eep!

And how.
She's beautiful.

[IN MALE VOICE]
Gosh, fellas,
thanks a lot.

Nyah...
Here, boy.

"Councilman Goodrich
threatened with death."

"Promise to clean up
vice and corruption

brings threat
from racketeers."

Councilman Goodrich?

Yeah, we did some
investigating for him.

[PHONE RINGS]

♪ Hello ♪
♪ Hello ♪

♪ Hello ♪

Is this the
Miracle Detective Agency?

ALL:
♪ Yes ♪

The harmony's bad,

we didn't have time
to rehearse.

Who is this?

Oh, this is
Councilman Goodrich.

My niece inveigled me
to come to her country estate

and I fell for it.

I'm convinced
she and her husband

are mixed up in rackets.

and I'm fearful for my life.

You don't say.

He did say.

Quiet.

Where are you,
Mr. Goodrich?

I'm at Hysteria Terrace.

You drive up
m*rder Gulch Highway,

along Bloody Creek till
you come to Deadman's Curve.

And then you turn right
on Poison Bend Road

till you come
to the cemetery.

Pass the cemetery
to Skeleton Flats

and up Hysteria Terrace.

Uh-- Good grief.

What a place
to be stuck in.

Don't let them k*ll you
till we get there.

We'll be right over.
Get the camera.

Wait a minute. We have
to establish the time.

Look at your watch.
Okay,

but you'll have to wait
till I go to the pawn shop.

Hey, what does
your watch say?

It doesn't say anything.
You gotta look at it.

Mm-hm? See that?
Aw, that don't--

[ALL GRUNT]

Here we are.

[ALL GRUNTING AND SHOUTING]

There. I feel
a lot safer already.

[GRUNTING]

Very neatly done, Nikko.

Take him away.

But sir,
Mr. Goodrich phoned.

The detectives
are on their way.

Detectives?
That's not good.

Don't worry, my sweet.

They won't stay long.

[CHUCKLES]

Sleeping pills.

The permanent kind.

[MEN CHUCKLE]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Stand where you are.
We're detectives.

What's going on
around here?

Search the suspect!

Suspect?
The butler's always a suspect.

Hold for a still.

Good.
Okay.

I think he moved.
Wait a minute.

What'd you find?

Only this.

Why you...

Ooh!

Hold it.
Your watch.

Would you step
in here, please.

Boy, what a creepy
looking joint.

Swell place
for a m*rder.

Cut that out!
Yeah, don't talk like that.

Nothing's gonna happen.
Absolutely nothing.

Oh!
Come on.

He's right.
What could happen?

I guess I'm just
the nervous type, I guess.

[CHUCKLES]

Hello.

[GASPS]
Oh...

ALL:
Hello.

We're detectives.
Mr. Goodrich sent for us.

Oh? I'm his niece.

The niece is nice.
Heh-heh!

Hold on.

We're here
on business.

I mean business. Oh.

Wait a minute.
Why you--

Hold it.
You know what this means?

You can't give-- Ooh!

Oh, the glass.

Mm, I'm framed.

I'm afraid something
dreadful has happened.

Uncle has disappeared.

No.

He was sitting
right over there.

Suddenly,
I heard a scream.

[ALL YELP]

Let go on me, will you?

Then he was gone.

Well, don't worry.

We'll take take
of everything.

We'll find fingerprints.
Get the camera ready.

Come on, eagle.

Get busy.

[GRUNTS]

Oof!

What's the matter?

Nothing. Uh--

Get that letter.
Which one?

That one!
[SCREAMING]

Come on over
and look for fingerprints.

Look at that. It's got that
pollen about written on it.

But I'll fix that.

Stopped down a quarter
of a mile, that's about right.

Somebody left
some hypo in there.

Oh,
highly polished mahogany.

And termites.

With big blue eyes.

Uh...

Get out of here!

Fingerprints!

Right, ready with the camera.
Coming right up.

LARRY:
Aha! Fingerprints.

[SHEMP SNIFFING]

SHEMP:
Mm, wow.

What a doll.

No, Moe!
Larry, help!

There was an ugly
looking thing

staring right at me.
It was horrible.

Why do you know?
It was you.

[LAUGHS]

[LAUGHS]

You imbecile.
We're getting no place fast.

May I make
a suggestion?

Yeah.
Sure, certainly.

Why not separate
and search the place?

What an idea.
Brilliant.

One of you
come with me.

Yes, I--
Come here.

Wait a minute. I heard
what the lady said.

Come on!

Leave us leave,
my sweet.

Oh! Don't you rise
your hand to me.

Now, don't you go
get yourselves m*rder*d.

Don't worry about us.

m*rder?
Nyah!

Turn me loose.
Like I told Shemp,

there's nothing
to be afraid of.

Not a thing.

Of course not.

And spread out.

Let's have
a little drink.

Oh, boy,
that's for me.

Now, don't go away.

Oh, I won't.

[SQUEAKS]

Hm, nice picture.

Yes, isn't it?

So natural it looks
like the trees move.

[LAUGHS]

Yes, sir. I sure enjoy
good pictures.

Well, then. I'm sure
you'll like that one.

Oh, yes, nice.
Very nice.

But you know, uh,
I like that much better.

Oh, you do, do you?
Heh-heh.

It's by a very famous
painter.

The same one
who painted that one.

Oh, charming.
Charming.

But my favorite is,
uh,

that one.

It is lovely.

Yes, it is lovely.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, cheerio.

A couple of pip-pips,

little barbecue
and what have you.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

A short life
and a merry one.

You ain't kiddin'.

How do you feel, kiddo?

Fine, fine.
And you?

Oh, great. I never
felt better in my life.

I never forget that--

[SCREECHING]

[GASPING]

[CLICKING]

[SCREECHING]

[CLICKING]

[GASPING]

Take it easy, kid!

Take it easy,
take it easy.

What happened?
What's the matter?

That dame,
she tried to poison me.

She's gone!

Uh-oh. I'm scared.
Let's get out of here.

Come on.

[STOOGES YELP]

Hey, the phone.
Let's call the cops.

Yeah.

Help! Help!

It's dead.
We're in a tough spot, men.

Yeah, it's gonna take brains
to get us out of here.

That's why I said
we're in a tough spot.

Heep-eep-eep-eep!

Shut up!
This is no time for singing.

[SCREAMS]

Let go my arm!

Ooh!
Eep-eep-eep!

Why you...

What's the matter with you?

Unh! Why you--

[BOTH SCREAM]

[STOOGES GRUNTING]

[ALL GRUNTING]

MAN:
When I get
my hands on you!

Give me that--
Give me that g*n!

Give me that-- Unh!

[PANTING]

[BOTH SCREAM]

Hey, Moe.
It's me, it's Larry.

Moe? Moe?

Moe?

[GASPS]

[GRUNTING]

Larry?
Larry, is that you?

Larry, say something
you nitwit.

Where are you?

Oh, there you are.
Ha-ha!

[GROWLS]
Aah!

[CRUNCH]
Aargh!

Hey, Moe,
where you going?

He got away from you,
didn't he? Ha!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

That thing,
the goon, he's coming!

Hey, what'd he say?

[SCREAMING]

[THUDDING ON DOOR]

Oh!

Moe? Come here.

Wait a minute,
I'm sorry.

I thought
you was the goon.

Say something.
Say something.

Numbskull.
Oof!

[LARRY & MOE SHOUTING]

MOE:
You're nothing but a nitwit.

LARRY:
Thank you, thank you.

Aah!
Aah, let go!

[LARRY & MOE GROANING]

I guess that takes care
of handsome Harold.

Oh, you're a genius.

Nice work, kid.

Oh, it's nothing.
It's nothing at all.

[LAUGHS]

I'll never forget
the first time

I saved a couple of guys.
It was in a pool room.

A guy walks in, he says,
"Stick 'em up."

I says, "Nothing scares me."

Will you cut it out?
Cut it out.

He says, "Yeah?"
And I says, "Yeah,"

right back at him.
Give him a--

What's the matter
with you?

I'm tired,
will you go and-- Aah!

Moe! Larry!

A corpus, a corpus.

MOE:
It's old man Goodrich.

[ALL YELP]

Oh!
[STOOGES GASP]

[GASPS]

Moe, Larry! Look!

He's alive.
Take it easy, Mr. Goodrich.

Everything is under control.

Oh, you're the detectives?
Yeah.

Thank goodness!
What happened?

GOODRICH:
They tortured me
to get my money.

[ALL SOBBING]

There they are!
Now get them!

[g*nsh*t]

Hey!

Hey.

[GRUNTS]

Good work, kid.
Good work.

Ha-ha-ha! Oof!

Stay where you are.
You're all covered.

Who put out--?

Be careful.

Look out! Oof!

Here I am, Moe.

Whoa! Whoa!

Shemp, are you okay?

[CRASHING AND GROANING]

[STOOGES GRUNTING]

It's all over, boys.
You can get up now.

You beat them up.

[CHUCKLES]

It's wonderful,
wonderful.

Tell me, uh,
how did you do it?

I did it
with my little shovel.

One of them
was coming at me.

I let them have it.

Another one came at me
from this side.

Wham, wham!

I let them have it.

I start to swing
left and right.

Five of them
started to come at me.

Did that stop me? No!

Wham, I--

Hey. Hey, where did
everybody go?

Oh, Moe!

Larry!
Look, wait for me!

[♪♪♪]