Every era has a messiah...
who rules the
hearts of the people...
who shows them a new way of life...
who showers them with happiness.
This story is not about such a messiah.
Dear, you're a policeman's wife.
Is it okay to watch these
heist movies all the time?
Yes, I like them.
Dear, just think about it.
If you watch such movies
in this condition...
then what effect
will it have on our baby?
He'll be born a thief.
The way Abhimanyu from Mahabharata,
learnt everything about archery...
while in his mother's womb.
Be quiet, you drunkard.
My son won't be a thief.
He'll be a very successful man.
People will long to catch his glimpse.
And the moment they see him,
they'll inform the police.
Be quiet!
Let me and my son watch the movie.
-What happened?
-The t*nk's leaking.
-Should I call the plumber?
-What plumber, you idiot? My water broke.
Let's go to the doctor.
-Congratulations! It's a boy.
-Thank God.
-And my wife?
-Both the baby and the mother are fine.
In a while she will--
My watch?
My chain?
Last night we cracked the
largest antique smuggling racket...
in the history of crime.
Our country's thousands of years old...
priceless diamonds, pearls,
jewelry, paintings, statues.
In all, we stopped , kilos
of national treasure
from being sold to foreign countries.
In the international market,
the approximate value...
of these items is five billion.
The Interpol suspects
that this stuff belongs to...
the Johri Brothers.
The antique smugglers.
These Siamese twins
aren't among those...
who'd let go of their goods so easily.
They will surely try to get them back.
Hence, our job doesn't end here.
Our next mission
is to get these goods...
to the government treasury in Delhi.
And the name of this
mission will be Bharat--
Bhushan.
And the name of this mission will be...
"Bharat Ka Khazana."
In this mission,
we will transport this treasure
in a special high
security train to Delhi.
Remember, this train will
go directly to Delhi.
There will be no halts in between.
Now, the Johri Brothers have
only one way to get the antiques.
-To steal it from a moving train.
-He's talking nonsense.
As we all know, the Johri Brothers
don't execute
their illegal work themselves.
As always, they will take
someone else's help.
But who is brave and smart enough...
to steal the treasure from
right under our noses...
and that too, in broad daylight?
Broad daylight?
He can do it in the darkness
of the night as well.
And why "from under our noses?"
He can do that behind
our backs as well. Right?
As per our information,
only three people can do this job.
First candidate is...
From Hyderabad, Ismail Sheikh
alias Ismail "Koyla."
Is Ismail darker than coal?
Or vice verse?
That's hard to say.
Ismail possesses two weapons.
One, the darkness of the night.
And second, Ismail's smile.
In the darkness of the night,
like a shadow in the dark...
Ismail just disappears.
He escaped again.
That's why we've not been
able to catch Ismail. Right, sir?
A few years ago, Ismail tried
to rob Salarjung Museum.
But this time,
unfortunately, I got his case.
Sir, unfortunate for you or him?
Jagtap, shut up and listen.
But by then, his tricks
had become obsolete.
Ismail, why don't you
stop these robberies...
and lead an honest life?
I have a mind-blowing
job offer for you.
You'll get a million for an hour.
The headlights of the express
train aren't working.
You have to run ahead
of it with your teeth exposed.
There he is. Catch him!
The second candidate is Master India.
Mr. India was a decent guy.
Master India is his spoilt kid...
who is taking undue advantage
of his great father's powers.
Where Ismail Koyla steals quietly
in the darkness of the night...
Master India steals in broad
daylight and in public.
He stole the necklace and disappeared.
Since that day, I attended
every party, function and wedding...
in order to catch Master India.
And then one day...
On the pretext of shaking hands,
I exchanged his bracelet.
Master India thought he's invisible.
And he started dancing
nude in celebration.
He didn't know that everyone can see him.
Master India, the commissioner is happy.
And that leaves the third
candidate who is still roaming free.
From Mumbai, Tabrez Mirza Khan
alias Tees Maar Khan.
His fans also call him half Robin Hood.
Why half Robin Hood, sir?
Because he steals from the rich...
but doesn't give it to the poor.
India's sharpest criminal
mastermind, Tees Maar Khan.
Gentlemen, there's good news.
-Is Mr. India part two about to begin?
-You...
We've just received information...
that Tees Maar Khan was
arrested in Paris.
He was giving autographs to his fans.
Unfortunately, one of those
fans was an Interpol agent.
Gentlemen, as we speak,
Tees Maar Khan is being brought to India.
Eat as much as you want today.
Tomorrow, you'll have to eat prison food.
Right, brother?
Saving the honor of a harlot
and imprisoning Tees Maar Khan...
Both are futile.
Tomorrow, I'll have lunch at home...
with my mother and not in prison.
Man, I don't get it.
Boss got arrested in Paris.
Then why did he ask us
to be here with the car?
Can't the Mumbai police
send their own vehicle?
Burger, you idiot! Boss has planned
to trick the police.
That's why we're here with our car.
-Boss's plane!
-Where?
-Over there.
-Not here. Over there.
Hey, look.
Some big hero is
getting off over there.
-Where?
-Show me.
Idiots, that is our boss. Look.
-Boss? Just a minute.
-Boss!
Great!
Khan of Khans, Tees Maar Khan.
Come on.
What is it?
-Burger, Dollar, Soda... How are you all?
-We're fine.
Boss, car.
That's not our car. It's this one.
Boss, tell us what this is all about.
Yes, boss. This golden
suit, chains and all.
This rock solid car and
all those kisses back there.
Boss, tell us. How did
you trick the police?
Saving the honor of a harlot
and imprisoning Tees Maar Khan.
-Both are...
-Futile!
Both are...
Forget him. Tell us, boss.
A few days ago...
Hey, eyes on the road.
But ma'am, dogs are not
allowed on the plane.
How dare you?
How dare you call Penny a dog?
Sorry, ma'am.
She doesn't know who you are.
-Please sit down.
-But, sir...
You come with me.
Are you crazy?
Pankaj Shukla is her father.
-Go and apologize to her.
-Okay, sir.
Go on.
-Later on.
-Okay.
-I'll do it right here.
-Okay.
Alright! I know you're Tees Maar Khan.
But this is a toilet on a plane.
Not a toilet in High Court...
from where you can jump out and escape.
Just like the last time. Understand?
Right, brother?
If you're done with your lousy jokes,
then can I?
Go.
Don't push. Otherwise, I might
end up doing it right here.
He's so thick-skinned. He started
flirting here as well, brother.
-Come on.
-Where? Out of the plane?
Yes, out of the plane. Sit quietly.
You did this on purpose
to take revenge on Penny.
I'll go and clean the dog.
I'll go...
We're really sorry, ma'am.
Please let it go.
I won't let you go so easily.
I'll cancel your license.
Stop the plane. Land right now!
How can we land now, ma'am?
Why? Aren't there
any brakes in the plane?
Just apply the brakes and land.
Oh, God! Captain Bhalla,
please talk to her.
Hey, you! Where are you going?
To apply the brakes.
-Ma'am, try to understand.
-How can he talk to me like this?
-Just see. What has happened to my Penny?
-Captain Andrew!
Captain Andrew!
-What are you doing here?
-I was in the toilet.
All three captains are outside.
So, who's flying the plane?
This idiot Captain Andrew
has put the plane on auto-pilot.
Now all the three captains
are outside the cockpit...
and the door isn't opening either.
We're dead. We're finished.
Please calm down.
-I am going to sue you.
-Please calm down.
Silence. Don't fight.
Let's try to open the door.
Idiot, aren't you ashamed of yourself?
Everyone is trying to open
the door and you're sitting here?
Oh, my God! Shackles?
Not shackles, Aunt. Handcuffs.
Why don't you release him?
What do you mean release him?
If we remove his handcuffs,
then there'd be a big problem.
Please go mind your own business.
Poor guy.
He's no poor guy.
You don't know him.
There's no lock or safe
that he can't break open.
He can open every lock in the world.
-Oh, my God!
-Brother, you put us in a fix.
-Open it.
-What?
The door lock.
Brother, please open it.
No.
Why is that, son?
Don't you want to live?
Upon survival, you guys will
go back to your luxurious villas.
To your wives,
girlfriends or boyfriends...
or even your mistresses.
But I'll go to prison for nine years.
What kind of life is that, son?
So uncle, what do you want?
Freedom! From these two.
-Brother.
-Brother.
Hey, you don't understand.
We're the cops.
All of you will go to jail.
It's better to go to jail than die.
Come on.
Didn't I tell you?
I won't have lunch in prison tomorrow.
But I'll have it with
my mother in my own house.
For now, you eat these socks.
Listen the praise of Tees Maar Khan
Khan of Khans was a con man
Listen the jest of Tees Maar Khan
Listen the praise of Tees Maar Khan
Khan of Khans was a con man
Listen the jest of Tees Maar Khan
Son, here's my car.
Pay me the installment.
You've done it!
Superb! Hats off to you.
The Khan of Khans...
Tees Maar Khan!
Take me home quickly.
I have to meet mother and Anya.
-Boss, we can't go home.
-Why?
Within an hour, every cop in the city
will be at your house looking for you.
I can't tolerate them both
for more than an hour anyway.
But boss, Anya is not home.
Where is she?
She's at Mehboob Studios,
sh**ting for an item number.
Her craze about acting...
What's the name of the film?
"Sheila ki..."
-"Sheila ki" what?
-"Jawani."
What a dirty name! Let's
go to Mehboob.
Boss, why did you call me Mehboob?
Take me to Mehboob Studios!
I'll teach Sheila a good lesson.
Come on.
I won't fall in your hands
Believe it or not,
The world is crazy for my love
I won't fall in your hands
Believe it or not,
The world is crazy for my love
I feel like I should
Gently hold myself
I don't need anyone else,
I love myself
Sheila's k*ller youth
I won't fall into your hands
Sheila
Sheila's k*ller youth
I won't fall into your hands
He's trying to r*pe with eyes!
They follow me
When I look at them,
Their words seem so hollow
But still, every trick
Is ineffective on me
I craved for so long
It feels like ages
On this thirsty heart
Like the rains, your eyes fell
I won't fall into your hands
Sheila
Sheila's k*ller youth
I won't fall into your hands
Sheila
Sheila's k*ller youth
I won't fall into your hands
Money, car, luxurious villa
I need a man
Who can give me all that
Empty pockets and broke
Come get out of here
I'll get you everything
I'll bring the whole
World at your feet
I'll fulfill all your dreams
None will be incomplete
I craved for so long
It feels like ages
On this thirsty heart
Like the rains, your eyes fell
I won't fall into your hands
Believe it or not,
The world is crazy for my love
I feel like I should
Gently hold myself
I don't need anyone else,
I love myself
Sheila's k*ller youth
I won't fall in your hands
Sheila
Sheila's k*ller youth
I won't fall into your hands
Sheila
Sheila's k*ller youth
I won't fall into your hands
Who is it?
No!
Tabrez, leave me.
Tabrez!
Anya, listen to me.
That producer was going
to sign with me today.
He would have signed you,
but where was the contract?
In the hotel room of
that drunkard producer?
For your information,
the contract was in his pocket.
The pen was in his hotel room.
Anya, acting is just nonsense.
Acting is like chewing gum.
It feels good to
chew in the beginning.
Later on, it gets
difficult to spit it out.
You've been chewing
it for a long time.
That's why you are emotionally attached.
Forget about acting, darling.
At least I'm trying to lead
an honest and respectable life.
Being an item girl is a million
times better than being a thief.
Zip. I'm not a thief.
I'm a con-artist. A crime artist.
Secondly, mother will hear.
Lower your voice.
Let her hear!
Let mother also know that her son,
who is the apple of her eye...
who she thinks is a big film director...
is none other than the wanted
criminal Tees Maar Khan.
No! Wanted criminal Tees Maar Khan?
Where is he?
Did you see that?
Tees Maar Khan is not a criminal, Mother.
It's the name of my next film.
-Oh, God!
-Silly.
What do you think?
Very good. Better than your last film.
Which film?
Well, Om Shanti Om.
Sharp memory!
You've been feasting on almonds.
Well, that's enough.
Sit here.
Anya, come here.
Come.
You've come after a long time.
So, I've prepared kebabs for both of you.
-Both of you have it, okay?
-Okay.
-Till then I'll prepare biryani.
-Okay, Mother.
Why do you shout so much?
You and your tonsils.
What if mother had found out?
So what if she had?
It would've broken mother's heart.
And your bones as well.
It's so shameful that
your mother doesn't know...
that you aren't a film director...
but the wanted criminal, Tees Maar Khan.
That's nothing new, you idiot.
Even Spiderman's mother
doesn't know that he's Spiderman.
So what?
At least I can say that
I'm the beauty queen, Anya Khan.
Do you have the guts to
tell the world who you really are?
That you're Tees Maar Khan? Coward!
-I'm a coward?
-Yes, you are.
I'll show you whether I'm
coward or a brave man. Wait.
Yes! I am Tees Maar Khan!
Boss, the police!
I'm not Tees Maar Khan.
I swear to God, I'm not.
-The police are outside. Handle them.
-Police?
And mother too.
But Tabrez, how can I?
-You desire to be an actress, don't you?
-Yes.
Go do your acting. Go on.
Who is it? Did anyone die?
Who is ringing the bell repeatedly?
Mummy, two actors were supposed
to come for a screen test.
For "Tees Maar Khan."
They were called for the role of cops.
Oh, yes. But where is Tabrez?
Where is he?
He's hiding.
He's hiding? But why?
They have to act as if
they're searching for him.
That's the test.
So, let's do one thing.
I'll take their test.
After all, I'm the director's mother.
Do one thing. Go sit over there.
-Police.
-Is Tees Maar Khan here?
You idiots!
Are you cops or people
who ask for donations?
You'll ask me where Tees Maar Khan is,
and I'll tell you?
Come on. Ask me again.
And this time ask me
a bit strictly. Okay?
Come on.
-Police!
-Is Tees Maar Khan here?
That's more like it.
Now you push me and enter.
Come on, push me. Get in the house.
You also push me. Come on.
Where do these people come from?
-Mummy!
-What happened?
Oh, God!
You idiot,
you did get into the character...
but who will clean
up the mess you've created?
Your father?
Come on. Put it inside.
Put everything back.
No. Why will he do that? Tell me.
Not just him. You too will put
everything back. Understand?
I'll also do it.
Will you put it back
or should I slap you?
Come on, let's go.
She's gone nuts.
-The Khan of Khans...
-Tees Maar Khan.
-Boss...
-You scoundrel.
That reminds me.
There was a call for
you from the Johri Brothers.
Johri Brothers?
The international antique smugglers?
What do they have to do with boss?
In just a couple of minutes,
you guys and I will know everything.
-Phone. Good.
-Sir.
Mother has the same handset model.
Mother's photograph?
-Rascal, you stole my mother's phone!
-Sorry.
The pigeon is out of the cage.
It's ready to pick up the food.
From when and where the
food needs to be picked up...
you'll tell me that.
Putting it on speakerphone.
Tomorrow night.
Dandiya
Dandiya!
There are the twins.
-Boss, your stick.
-Thank you.
-Dandiya!
-Rascal!
Come, Tees Maar Khan.
You probably know why
we've called you here.
You've called me to play Dandiya...
on the occasion of Dusshera.
Bad joke. Should we laugh?
If you guys want to get
your five billion antiques...
from the police, then you'll
have to laugh at my lousy joke.
Then you might also know
that only one man can do this job.
I know.
-And that is the Khan of Khans...
-Tees Maar Khan!
That means you'll do this job.
Are you asking me or telling me?
We're asking you.
Alright. Then I'll do it.
Now the deal. percent
of the value of the goods is for me.
That was not a joke, you rascals.
Those goods belong to us.
You just have to get it out.
Goods weighing , kg.
I have to get it
out of a moving train.
Moreover, it's in the
possession of the police.
Do you think it's a child's play?
But if I don't do your job,
then you'll lose your treasure.
There.
What happened?
Please welcome our
chief guest for today...
-superstar Aatish Kapoor.
-Here!
Aatish!
Aatish!
-What are you doing here?
-I've come to see Aatish Kapoor.
I'm a big fan of his.
-Go home.
-Aatish, I love you!
Otherwise, I'll k*ll you.
Go over there.
-You're so mean.
-Yes, I'm mean.
Now superstar Aatish Kapoor
will give away the trophy...
to Dollar Club's best "Dandiya" couple.
Give him a big hand.
I won't take less than percent.
-I said .
-Five!
And Dollar Club best "Dandiya"
couple trophy goes to...
I said percent. Nothing less.
-Brother, Johri Brothers.
-Tees Maar Khan.
-Catch them!
-Boss, police!
Catch them!
There's still time.
Tell me quickly. percent.
The cops are coming.
Take out the money.
Deduct it from my share.
Take it!
Hey, come here.
-Got away, boss.
-Yes!
I don't know how I'm
going to do this job.
This is the toughest assignment yet.
What's so difficult, boss?
Add these spices to the chicken.
Then add the chicken to the curd--
Don't you know that
boss's mind works overtime
while preparing food?
Getting , kg of antiques
from a moving train...
and that train might
have around to cops.
Boss, we might trick the cops.
But how are we going to
carry stuff weighing ,kg?
It will take at least a month.
Moreover, we'll have to go
to the hospital a couple of times
to get our broken backs treated.
Boss, we'll need more men.
We'll need to men.
But where do we bring
so many men from, boss?
We might gather all those men.
But boss, to tell
people about our plan...
-is fraught with danger.
-Correct.
Even if one of those guys
turns out to be a police informer...
then we're finished.
-Boss!
-What happened?
I think this job is impossible.
Don't you know that there's no
such word in my dictionary?
Get lost! Get out of here.
Boss, it's in my dictionary. Want it?
Yes, get it. Get your dictionary.
-Boss!
-What happened?
Boss, come out.
Why are you shouting?
You're shouting, boss.
Look, that same hero.
Is there any award
you haven't won in India?
Which award are you eying this time?
-Oscar!
-Oscar?
Yes.
Dumbdog Millionaire
was offered to me first.
But due to my secretary
Bunty's foolishness...
that role slipped out of my hands.
Sir, it hurts.
But let me assure you
that Aatish Kapoor...
will win the Oscar next year
and bring it back to India.
I want to do an Oscar winning film.
I want an Oscar.
Oscar, that's enough.
-I want an Oscar!
-Sir, last question.
I want an Oscar!
Boss, that security
guy pushed me last night.
Even after getting beaten up,
people are crazy about him.
People worship him.
And the cops provide
him security needlessly.
-And boss--
-Hold it. Say that again.
-Boss, that security guy--
-Not you. You.
-People worship him.
-Cops provide security.
People worship him.
Cops provide security.
People worship him
and cops provide security.
I got it!
What?
A plan to get your goods out.
That's what we expected from you.
What's the plan?
Why do you care?
Your job will be done.
Job will be done.
But whose job? Ours or yours?
Do you doubt my honesty?
Don't you trust me?
You tell us. Can we really trust you?
To expect sunlight from the moon...
and honesty from Tees Maar Khan.
Both are futile.
We know that you're dishonest,
but you're not a cheat.
Come on, tell us the plan.
Listen carefully.
I'll sh**t for a film
in a village that is close to
the railway tracks on which
the train to Delhi will be running.
That too, with India's
famous superstar, Aatish Kapoor.
That's not a joke. It's my plan.
Let's drink.
-In a burqa?
-Let's have tea in a burqa.
The train that is
carrying your goods...
will be a part of this story.
Aatish Kapoor and
innocent villagers.
They will play the
part of revolutionaries.
Mistaking our train
to be a British train...
they will stop that
train no matter what it takes.
Then the villagers will get
on that train and capture the cops.
They will thrash them pretty badly...
and then they will
unload the goods...
and load it in your vehicles.
Just because there's a famous
star, Aatish Kapoor in the film...
nobody will even think
that something illegal is going on.
In fact, all this will be done...
under the watchful eye of the police.
That is, full police protection.
Great! You're...
Say it, guys.
The Khan of Khans, Tees Maar Khan.
-Who is the director?
-Who?
I'm the director.
That's great. So, we're the producers.
We'll keep an eye on the director.
-But I...
-Mr. Khan, no need to thank us.
See you on the sets.
They're the ones who'll be paying us.
Lousy baldies.
Boss, the plan is on paper.
What next?
Let's celebrate Eid.
But boss, I was three months ago.
For Tees Maar Khan,
the sighting of the moon
on any night is like Eid.
So boss, call up Brother Salman.
You rascal.
Call him.
-Hurry up.
-Hurry up.
Hello, Sallu.
Yes, this is Tees Maar Khan.
What's up?
The guys have offered prayers.
Let's celebrate Eid.
In front of Anya's house.
You know her?
He knows Anya.
-Okay.
-Wonderful!
Let's go.
Behind the cold curtain
The flame blazes safely
Only when the admirer burns
Burns down to ashes
Is he called a lover
By God
By God
Beheld a timeless beauty
By God
By God
My beloved became rarest of rare
By God
By God
I'll gift away the moon on Eid
In the name of love,
I accept disgrace
When there was
Nothing left to sell
I let go of my
Life just like that
Let go of my life
Let go of my life
By God
By God
Towards my beloved,
This admirer has a duty
I offer my greetings
I offer my greetings
By God
By God
Beheld a timeless beauty
By God
By God
Without my beloved,
I lost my entire glow
Upset with myself
And distanced from God
When her name was
Mentioned in the gathering
Along with my beloved,
Even I became famous
My beloved is in a happy mood
My heart is cheerful,
The moment is rosy
My beloved is in a happy mood
My heart is cheerful,
The moment is rosy
We put an end to the night and met
By God
By God
Went crazy about my beloved
By God
By God
My beloved became rarest of rare
By God
By God
Towards my beloved,
This admirer has a duty
I offer my greetings
I offer my greetings
She's mine.
My k*ller charms yearn
I sway ever since I've fallen in love
Infidel bows down at the doorstep
And pleads to me
You are my devotion
Every lover has
A request for beauty
Proudly sacrifice your life
Eyes are like dagger
Took away your life
Pierced the heart
Through and through
Eyes are like a dagger
Took away my life
Pierced my heart
Through and through
I'm your lover, your admirer
I'm an expression of love
The one who finishes the rival
I'm that scintillating sword
I'm that scintillating sword
By God
By God
Beheld a timeless beauty
By God
By God
My beloved became rarest of rare
By God
By God
Towards my beloved,
This admirer has a duty
I offer my greetings
I offer my greetings
By God
By God
By God
What are you doing?
Hurry up!
Call the dancers. Come on.
Boss, why are we dressed like this?
We have to steal the stuff we need
to carry out our plan from this very set.
Chunky Pandey!
Boss, I'm a big fan of his.
Sorry! Everyone makes mistakes.
Yes, sir. These are your steps.
Dancers, you have to throw
the colours up in the air.
-Okay?
-Yes, sir.
Don't throw it on me.
You'll spoil my hair.
-Let's go.
-We've been called there.
We're not dancers. We're thieves.
"Choli Mein Holi"
Take one.
Choli mein holi
Holi mein choli
When the drape got drenched
It's Holi today
Holi!
It's Holi!
Holi!
It's Holi!
Stop it. Why are you touching me?
Stop the sh**ting.
My hair will get spoiled.
My clothes.
Where's the sh**ting stuff?
-My camera!
-My lights!
My whistle!
My boxers!
-Sir, the camera van also got stolen.
-Damn it!
Is this the road that goes to Narayanpur?
Yes, boss. This is the village
that passes through the railway track.
Soda told me.
Dollar told me this is the road.
Right, Dollar?
What do I know?
I don't even know that there's
a village called Narayanpur.
I'll slap all of you.
I wonder what kind of
idiots I've got as henchmen.
-No, boss. He told me.
-Soda told me.
-No.
-Why are you putting me in trouble?
-I told you guys about Narayanpur.
You told me.
-Who did you knock down?
-I don't know, boss.
Who did you knock down?
-Help!
-Whom did you k*ll?
Help!
But I can hear a cry.
Up here!
Brother, save me.
Save me, brother.
Boss, villagers.
Looks like we've had it today, boss.
Don't worry.
-I'll blame it on you guys.
-Boss!
You're too much.
-Let's go ahead.
-No.
-Eeshwar, are you all right?
-I'm fine, Nana. I'm still alive.
We apologise to you on his behalf.
He messes up all the time.
But never intentionally.
Eeshwar is immature.
-He's imbalanced?
-Yes, mentally.
By the way, the name of
this small village is Dhuliya.
And I'm the village chief.
Who are you?
-Well, I'm their chief.
-Yes.
-My name is Nana.
-Patekar?
Ganphule.
Well, where are you headed?
We're going to Naraya--
Right here.
Dhuliya!
Heard a lot about
this village in Mumbai.
Its beauty...
the men here, the health of the people...
and the railway tracks.
There could never be a better place than
this to carry out our plan.
Got it? We should start
our work immediately.
Did you see that, Nana?
People in big cities like
Mumbai are talking about our village.
Didn't I tell you our village
will be very famous one day?
-Subhedar.
-Yes?
Nana is over here, not there.
What a nice place!
We'll take the first sh*t here.
That's more like it.
This isn't a big film.
Go bring a bigger camera.
-Boss, where do I keep this?
-In the fields.
-Bring it quickly.
-Boss, the lights are volts.
Do one thing.
Tell the sun to come on this side.
Sun, shift!
Bring me a camera!
Boss, big camera.
Very good. Do one thing.
Tell some women to
lie in the fields. Quickly.
Women, lie down!
Sir, the sun doesn't budge.
If the sun doesn't budge,
then do one thing.
Bribe it and tell
it to come on this side.
Okay. Sun, here's some money.
Boss, four women b*at me up.
So, you lie down in the fields. Ready.
Somebody tell me what's going on.
Son, what are you doing?
sh**ting the animals?
Chinkara? Black Buck?
I'm sh**ting for a film here.
Cinema, okay?
Cinema?
Come on!
sh**ting? Film sh**ting?
Gullu! Sattu! Aunty!
There's a film sh**ting
going on in our village.
Come on, everybody.
-Where are you going?
-To watch the film sh**ting.
Wait for me.
There's a film sh**ting going on.
Come on.
sh**ting!
Where are you going?
Wait. I'm also coming
to watch the film sh**t.
Alright, guys.
Hands up!
Inspector Dhurinder.
I'm in charge of
the police station here.
Can I see your--
What do you call it? Permit.
Can I see your permit to sh**t here?
Amazing.
-Heard his voice?
-Yes.
Did you hear the inspector's voice?
Boss, I say let's give
him that main role.
Boss, let's give him the role
of the milkman. He looks like one.
Not the milkman's.
Let's change the role of the
milkman to that of an inspector.
Yes.
-Is that possible?
-Of course it's possible.
But why would you change
the story of your film for me?
What's the need?
-Who am I?
-The director.
So, I can surely do that.
But will I be able to do it, sir?
Look, Dharmesh.
In this show business, either
you have it in you, or you don't.
And Dharmesh...
Can I call you Dharmesh?
-But Dhurinder is--
-Alright, Dharmendra.
You have it in you.
What?
-It's a children's film. X-Factor.
-X-Factor.
You have that X-Factor.
And I want it.
-X-Factor?
-No, I want the sh**ting permit.
Don't worry.
Just prepare for the film sh**t.
I'll find a workaround for the permit.
Heard his voice?
He has been blessed
with a wonderful voice.
Go away. Sir, you're too much.
I stole the rascal's g*n.
-Give me a role.
-Give me a role as well.
Yes. Okay.
Listen to me very carefully.
All of you will get a
role in my next film.
The film will be sh*t after a week.
Till then all of you make preparations.
What preparations, sir?
Yes, what preparations? Good question.
All of you will have to get
six packs like these two.
We're leaving now.
See you next week.
-Bye. Move.
-I got it.
Someone get me down at least now.
Director!
Don't worry.
My hero is like your son.
Just send the cheque.
When are you visiting Mother Goddess?
-Damn it.
-Yes.
You rascal--
This is all because of you.
Instead of him, I'd have
been in Hollywood today.
Only if you had told me
about Danny Toyle's call.
How could I know that
Toyle was Hollywood's Danny?
He said his name was Danny.
I thought he's Danny Denzongpa.
I drove him away.
Bunty!
The phone is ringing.
-Sir.
-Yes, security. Who is it?
Someone called Manoj is here.
Aatish, have you called
anyone named Manoj?
Ask him his full name.
What's his full name?
-Manoj Ramalan from Hollywood.
-I see.
Manoj Ramalan from Hollywood.
Manoj Ramalan?
Director of "Sixth Sense"
has come to meet me?
Call him inside, you idiot.
-Send him in.
-Yes, sir.
I'm sure he's brought a
Hollywood offer. Yes!
Aatish, looks like your dream of
going to Hollywood will be fulfilled.
Thank God I was here.
Otherwise, you'd have
mistaken him for Manoj Bajpai
and driven him away.
I'm not such a fool, sir.
-Bring him in. I'll get ready.
-Yes, absolutely.
Who the hell are you?
I'm Bunty Baweja.
-There must be some reason.
-What?
You just said Bunty "Be-waja."
Bunty Baweja.
I'm Mr. Aatish's secretary.
You stink. Get out.
Where are you going?
Just tell me who you are.
I'm Manoj Ramalan, international
film director from Hollywood.
No, You can't be Manoj Ramalan.
-I've seen his photographs. He's quiet--
-Dark.
Listen, servant.
The person whose
pictures you've seen...
is actually my younger
brother Manoj Night Ramalan.
And I'm Manoj Day Ramalan.
My brother was born during the night.
That's why he's dark.
And I was born during the day.
-That's why I'm--
-Fair.
Aatish!
Aatish! Come on, fast.
Aastish!
There he is.
My superstar.
My Oscar!
Oscar?
Yes. Oscar.
I've made many films in Hollywood...
but I'm going to make a film
about India for the first time.
India's poverty and
India's poor superstar.
Sir...
Sir.
Boss, Amir.
I got a poor guy.
I don't want a rich one.
Sir, Aamir Khan.
Oh, these strugglers.
Tell him... Okay, I'll tell him.
Aamir, I'm making this film
especially for the Oscars. Okay?
I need actors who look poor. Okay?
I don't want you. Bye.
Look, what a poor guy!
I've decided to make this
film with Aatish Kapoor in the lead.
Got it?
Film? Damn it!
What film? I just don't get it.
Why is your servant shouting at me?
I'd rather take Aamir
than tolerate this man.
-Call up Aamir.
-He's online.
No, Sir. Not Aamir.
Please.
Then say something to him.
Bunty, shout again at the director
and I'll pull your pants down.
Please, sir. Not my pants.
I just...
I just wanted to ask
about the story of the film.
What crime have I
committed by asking that?
Okay. Fine.
Keep Aamir on hold.
But if Mr. Bunty doesn't
like the Oscar winning story...
then I'll give away
Aatish's Oscar to Aamir.
No, I don't want to hear the story.
I just need the Oscar.
I will narrate the story to you, Aatish.
The story revolves
around a great person...
whose name is Tees Maar Khan.
But the story--
What is the story?
Tees Maar Khan is a revolutionary...
who is involved in the greatest
revolt against the British rule.
He robs diamonds, pearls and
jewelry worth billions.
An astonishing plan.
Nail-biting suspense.
-What?
-What is that plan?
That's the suspense.
I like the story. I'm doing the film.
That's what I expected from you.
Tell Aamir he's out.
But what about his fees?
Aatish, put your hand on your heart
and tell me whether
you want money or the Oscar.
Oscar.
Day ho!
-Manoj Day.
-Day ho!
Day ho!
Sir, when are you starting the sh**t?
The film sh**t begins next
week in Dhuliya village.
-Yes.
-Where is Dhuliya?
Where is Dhuliya?
That's the mystery.
You'll get the address.
-Day ho!
-Day ho!
Listen, the train will pass
through here tomorrow morning at nine.
But are you sure he'll get here today?
Tell us. Why are you quiet?
A student copying from a textbook...
and a plan hatched by
Tees Maar Khan's brain can never fail.
Tabrez!
Yes. Don't shout.
Why have you called me here?
There's no beauty parlor around here.
It's a surprise, darling.
Look after her, alright?
And what about you?
She'll look after me.
Move.
-My favourite color.
-What's your name?
Mr. Director, what do you
think about my dialogue?
Very good.
Say this dialogue in the entire movie.
-"Hands up. Hands up." Go on.
-Hand up!
Get scared.
They got scared. Go on, December.
-Now scare the villagers. Yes, whatever.
-Hands up.
Aatish Kapoor is coming!
Look, there's the helicopter.
I'll get the band ready.
Not there, over here.
Play the music! Aatish Kapoor is here.
Aatish Kapoor?
Yes, I'm making a film
with Aatish Kapoor in the lead.
-What?
-And you're his heroine.
Not in public.
Aatish!
Here he comes
Here he comes
-Day ho!
-Day ho!
Aatish Kapoor!
Come on, villagers.
Meet Aatish Kapoor.
Shower your love on him.
-Aatish Kapoor!
-Oh, God. Aatish Kapoor.
Tomorrow at eight...
Listen to me.
Listen!
Tomorrow at eight in the morning
please get to the railway tracks.
We'll have your film sh**t.
Tell these people.
Tell them.
Pick up the camera.
Don't overreact.
It's just dust in the eyes.
Move. The heroine is coming.
Can't you see? Move.
Move aside.
I got it.
Aatish, I've asked the whole of Hollywood.
Nobody has even heard
of Manoj Day Ramalan.
Sir, I feel he's a big fraud.
Enough!
You thought Danny Toyle
was Danny Denzongpa
and you drove him away, you duffer.
These Oscar types are like that.
Look at him, man.
-He's a genius.
-I'll do one thing...
-From here...
-Hands up!
Have you lost it?
Just look at my X-Factor.
Stick an X on your mouth.
That would make it triple X.
-Very good idea, sir.
-Yes. Go on.
Heroines look better
when fully dressed. Take this.
-Tabrez.
-What?
When will you introduce me to Aatish?
Rascal.
After the sh**ting gets over.
He's so mean.
Charlie!
Charlie isn't here.
Will Johri Brothers do?
Hello, boss. It's me, Romeo speaking.
Yes, Romeo. Tell us what's the news?
Boss, very bad news.
The train isn't coming
with the antiques today.
Train isn't coming today? Why?
The police commissioner has delayed
the train for security reasons.
So, when will it come?
A week later.
What?
How many overs? And who got out?
Which two teams were
playing the match today?
There's a bad news.
What could be worse than you? Tell me.
The train isn't coming today.
What?
Then?
The train will come
with the antiques next week.
So, what are we supposed
to do for a week?
No.
Aren't you the director?
sh**t the film.
-sh**t with these idiots?
-Bye.
I'll go crazy.
Day ho!
-Boss, we are with you.
-Yes, boss.
-Really, boys?
-Yes.
-I'll pack our stuff.
-I'll take out the vehicle.
I'll pack the food for our journey.
I'll slap all three of you.
Until we steal the antiques,
we won't leave this village.
What do we do till then?
-Ain't I the director?
-Yes.
Let's play sh**ting-sh**ting.
It's a romantic scene, you rascals.
-Sorry, boss.
-Come on.
I welcome all
co-artists of Dhuliya...
on the first day of the film sh**t...
of Manoj Day Ramalan's film
Bharat Ka Khazana.
Now we'll begin our sh**t.
For a few days, I'd like
you to watch how acting is done.
For that, I present before
you India's talented artist...
Superstar Aatish Kapoor.
That's enough.
And India's super heroine, Anya.
-Who is she?
-I don't know.
Let me start rolling first.
Now, we'll start the sh**t.
Sound. No. That's okay.
Yes. Give the clap please.
Want to act? Act.
No!
What do I have to do?
Idiot!
Cut!
Stop it. Take the camera away.
Don't want to sh**t.
Is this the way? Nonsense.
Everything is futile.
Calm down!
Aatish.
You asked a wonderful question.
You'll surely bag the Oscar next year.
-Day Ho!
-Day Ho!
But what do I have to do?
The director is thinking.
He's thinking.
Got it!
Come on, move. Everyone will get it.
Then I'll bring the camera
down and take it back up again.
And then turn around.
This is too much, man.
Will he change
locations all the time...
or will he also start the sh**t, sir?
And then I'll take a sh*t from here.
-Director.
-Yes?
Here are the keys to the bank.
Might come in handy
for your film sh**t.
Fine.
Come on.
-Day!
-Yes?
What's the scene? At least tell us.
We'll just do the bank robbery today.
Sir, is this a film about
bandits or revolutionaries?
But ain't I a revolutionary in the film?
You're the revolutionary
and this is a British bank.
-Bank?
-I don't get it.
Look, you're a revolutionary.
You go in the bank, rob
money from the British...
and distribute it to the poor Indians.
Poor Indian. Oscar!
-Day ho!
-Day ho!
What am I doing in this scene?
Yes, you're a British lady.
-British lady?
-Yes.
So why would she rob the bank?
Why would she rob the bank?
Why would she rob the bank?
Because her father is Indian.
Aatish and she will together
loot the British government.
I'll go enhance my make-up.
Yes. Go smear some more. Quickly.
British government!
I can't see a single
foreigner over here, sir.
Your secretary asks
good questions as well.
Director, me!
My British sweeper.
Come here.
Let's make your life.
Here's our foreigner.
Day, this is a villager.
How will he speak English?
Put a chewing gum in his mouth.
Chew it.
But Day, what do I
have to do in this scene?
Aatish!
Don't ask what you have to do.
Ask what you've done for your country.
-What?
-Yes.
-Close your eyes.
-Why?
Aatish, I'm telling you.
Close your eyes for my sake.
Now imagine that the British
are ruling India for many years.
They're oppressing simple
and innocent Indians.
They've riddled India,
our motherland, with b*ll*ts.
-Yes.
-No!
They've even k*lled
our women and children.
No!
-Boss, take the sh*t.
-Yes.
BLOODY BRITISH BANK
Aatish!
You British! Rascal!
You British! Rascal!
Where is the hard-earned
money of the poor Indians?
Tell me!
Perhaps, he doesn't understand Hindi.
Let me try.
Tell me. Where is the hard-earned
money of the poor Indians?
Tell me!
Get up and chew!
What will you poor
Indians do with the money?
You followers of non-v*olence,
can't even buy g*ns.
You roam naked wearing handmade cloth.
Hit the British officer.
How was that?
My naked hand on your naked cheek?
Keep rolling.
-Forgive me.
-Get out!
Will you fire a cannon at me?
Fire it at my chest
if you have the guts.
Boss, he's become insane. Stop him.
Fire it if you have the guts.
Boss, cut it.
Fire it if you have any self-respect.
No!
I just got into the character.
I thought you'd get into the camera.
And my performance?
You'll get a Rotary Club award.
Well, I'll go write my speech.
Go quickly.
Sir, I'll go change.
Yes, go change. Go dry yourself.
Listen to me.
He's crazy.
-I need to tell you something important.
-Tell me.
The film is over.
I'll slap you, okay?
The film won't get over
until we loot the goods.
Not that stuff.
The film that goes in the camera.
-The negatives?
-Yes, we've run out of those.
The stock that we stole from Mumbai--
I mean, boss, the stock we brought...
we've run out of that.
Boss, I have an idea.
Let's sh**t without the stock.
What would they know?
That's better.
No.
Aatish and Bunty have been
in the film industry for ten years.
We might handle Aatish.
But Bunty will understand immediately.
Boss, what do we do then?
We'll have to bring
the stuff from the city.
We've also run out of money.
We have to sh**t for
another five to six days.
So, we'll need at least five-six million.
What's that?
Boss, the keys to the bank.
The bank manager, Santram
himself gave it to us.
What do you think, boss?
Wonderful suggestion. Well done.
Boss, what if something goes wrong?
If you're not good looking,
you should say good things.
It's Friday today.
The bank will be closed
for the next two days.
It's a bank holiday on Monday.
We'll be robbing the train on Tuesday.
The whole village will be there.
Nobody will know before Wednesday
that we've robbed the bank.
And we would left with the goods.
We'd have been relaxing somewhere.
-Boss!
-Wonderful.
Enough.
God has been so kind to us, Nana...
that this film crew came
to Dhuliya to sh**t for their film.
The day is not too far,
when tourists will come to Dhuliya
on a holiday or on honeymoon.
Yes. And soon we'll have good business.
Listen...
The film sh**t that
was supposed to take place...
will not happen now.
-What?
-Yes.
Boss, looks like he's dead.
Is he your nephew?
"He's dead."
Get in.
Get inside. Quickly.
You know what, Mummy?
The hero of the film is Aatish Kapoor.
But the main role is mine.
Do you know that I was a
fan of Aatish Kapoor's father?
I'll also come for your film sh**t.
After all, I'm the director's mother.
Well, where is your sh**t happening?
-Girls, where are we?
-Dhuliya.
-Dhuliya.
-Dhuliya? I'll drop by over there.
Listen, have any of you
seen the director?
Yes, I've seen him.
He and his three friends
have gone towards the bank.
Close the door.
Our job is done. Come on.
Boss, looks like they've
found out about our plan.
What do we do now, boss?
There's only one thing
you can do in such a situation.
What?
Run!
Run!
-Look, there's the director.
-Where?
They're going towards the dark jungle.
Oh, God! Somebody stop them.
That is the jungle of the Headless Ghost.
Will somebody stop him...
or do I have to do that as well? Come on.
Where are you going?
Director! Stop! Don't go there.
-Stop!
-It will k*ll you!
Heard that? They will k*ll us. Run!
They will k*ll us.
Boss, run!
-Stop, you rascals.
-Run!
I'll run faster than you.
Idiots. You never stop.
-I'll not stop for you.
-Boss!
They're going deeper into the woods.
But why aren't they stopping?
-Inspector, you come with us as well.
-Yes, come on.
What's going on?
Why haven't you stopped them yet?
Our boys have gone to the dark jungle.
For me, every jungle is dark.
Ghost!
Headless Ghost!
Ghost! Run!
Headless ghost!
Ghost! Run! Don't stop!
Run. Ghost!
Run.
Where is boss going?
After the ghost.
Boss has gone crazy.
-Run!
-Run!
-Stop!
-What happened?
-The director is going towards the ghost.
-What?
Boss is in danger.
We should help him.
But that's a ghost over there.
That's exactly why we should help him.
Had it been a human,
boss would've handled him.
The Director has gone
to fight the ghost for us.
We should lend him support.
He's right.
att*ck!
att*ck!
att*ck!
He ran away.
att*ck!
att*ck!
-Easy.
-Boss.
-Boss, what's happening?
-How would boss know?
What's going on here?
Yes. What's going on here?
Catch them! att*ck!
att*ck!
att*ck!
Are you crazy? Get out!
What are you doing here?
Tell me.
Who are you? Speak.
This is Chenu's son.
He'd disappeared last year.
And we thought he drowned in the river.
Gopal? My son, Gopal.
Father!
Come, my son.
Look. They both are Laxman's sons.
Munnu! My son, Munnu.
Come here, headless ghost.
Remove his head!
Tell me what's going on here!
Tell me.
I'll tell you.
We grow marijuana here.
We abducted all these
kids from your village...
so that they can work for us.
And we'd spread the terror
of the headless ghost...
so that the villagers wouldn't
venture into this jungle.
Shame on us.
We couldn't do anything, Subedar.
Had it not been for our director...
You risked your life for us
and faced such great danger.
-We've never seen such a brave person.
-Yes.
We'll always be indebted to you.
But we can surely do our bit.
What's this?
No.
Santram told us that
you're in need of money.
So we've collected
as much as we can afford.
It must be between five-six million.
I hope it will be useful
for your film sh**t.
As soon as the bank opens,
we'll arrange for more--
No.
This will do. Thank you.
You've done us a great favour
by accepting this money.
Complete your film.
Don't stop the sh**t. Thank you.
Let's go.
Boss, we've cheated these simple people.
We did something wrong,
but we'll also do something good.
Before leaving, we'll give them...
something from our share of the loot.
And the money we robbed
from them as well.
Really, boss?
The toothpaste that's
come out of the tube...
and the commitment that
Tees Maar Khan has given...
can never be taken back.
The Khan of Khans, Tees Maar Khan.
He's a brave one
Carefree soul
He's a brave one
Carefree soul
He's cast a spell
Eyes are sharp like a razor
Hats off to the young man
Descendant of valorous Arjun
He's large hearted
Can open every lock
He's large hearted
Trouble for the rich
He's large hearted
Sweeps us off our feet again and again
He's large hearted
If he's around somewhere,
Your heart may fall for him
Is that possible?
The heart is in trouble
Such great muscles,
The heart falls for it easily
With a dark mole on his chest
He's large hearted
I'll become his soul mate
He's large hearted
I'll surely garland him
He's large hearted
He k*lled four times
He's large hearted
Sweeps us off our feet again and again
He's large hearted
Here he is
Here he is
He's a brave one
Carefree soul
He has cast a spell
He's a young revolutionary
He's too tough for the enemies
Brave protector of the motherland
He's large hearted
Protected the tricolour
He's large hearted
He's a different kind of hero
He's large hearted
Sweeps us off our feet again and again
He's large hearted
Look, brother. The bus broke down.
Park the car by the side of the road.
Are you crazy, brother?
If the old woman sees us,
she'll know...
that we're following her.
-We'll go ahead and park.
-Yes.
That old woman!
She's in the middle of the road.
Brother, careful.
You two?
Have you got the role?
You're really bad actors, by the way.
Well, it doesn't matter.
Hold this.
I'm coming for the film sh**t as well.
Just a minute. I'll get my bag.
What are your names?
-Chatterjee.
-Mukherjee.
Are you both married?
No.
We haven't even fallen in love.
We're just good friends.
Idiots, I'm not asking
about you both getting married.
I'm talking about a girl.
Now that I'm here
There will be lots
Of happiness around
Riding on our dreams
Will the train come our way
If I am with you
Then why do you have to fear?
Trouble has also run away
Even if there are a lot of ghosts
I'll teach them a lesson
As if a Robin Hood's saga
I'm talked about in town
He's large hearted
Can open every lock
He's large hearted
Trouble for the rich
He's large hearted
Sweeps us off our feet again and again
He's large hearted
I'm feeling freaky, freaky
I'm feeling naughty, naughty
The way you're looking at me
You got me moving my body
I'm feeling freaky, freaky
I'm feeling naughty, naughty
The way you're looking at me
You got me moving my body
What are you doing? Are you crazy?
It's a village song.
What are you wearing?
-Okay. I'll go change my clothes.
-Okay. Go on.
The heart has started
To b*at faster
Like a fever it's rising and rising
For the first time,
My heart is awakening
Is afraid of its feeling
Yes, this gossip
Now appears in Film fare
That you're Yusuf and I, Madhubala
He's large hearted
Just like a genie from the bottle,
He creates wonders
Just like the sky rumbles,
He creates thunder
He'll fall on the oppressors
Just like a hunter
Like gunpowder of dynamite
He's large hearted
He's a different kind of hero
He's large hearted
Hot like fire
He's large hearted
Sweeps us off our feet again and again
He's large hearted
He's large hearted
There's good news for you.
The train will pass Dhuliya
at nine tomorrow morning.
-Over and out!
-Just a minute.
-Who got out? Who bowled the over?
-Which match is going on?
Romeo is a rascal.
He always tells us
the incomplete score.
The train is coming!
He's large hearted
He's large hearted
Trouble for the rich
He's large hearted
Sweeps us off our feet again and again
He's large hearted
He's large hearted
He's large hearted
This hero is different
He's large hearted
He's large hearted
He's large hearted
He's large hearted
He's large hearted
Sweeps us off our feet again and again
He's large hearted
He's large hearted
Help me!
How is that?
-Very good.
-Very good.
Once more.
Help me!
People of Dhuliya, after
today you're not ordinary humans.
You're artists!
All elders, children...
and youth of this village...
will become immortal on the big screen.
The scene we're going to sh**t today...
is the soul of this film.
That is the most important scene.
Important scene.
Apply some more make-up.
Hear out today's scene very carefully.
-Subhedar, look here.
-Here.
There's Bahadur Shah Zafar's
treasure on the train.
The British regiment will
be taking it to Queen Victoria.
The officers of this
regiment look Indian.
But don't go on their innocent faces.
They are the servants of
the British government.
And you all are revolutionaries...
who are going to stop this train...
and loot the treasure inside it.
Listen to him, sir. Loot again.
First the bank. Now the train.
Is Bharat Ka Khazana
the name of the film...
or is it Chori Mera Kaam?
Idiot!
The train is speeding.
Faster, you scoundrels.
Chief, hand over your flag to Aatish.
That too in slow motion.
Aatish.
Boss.
With the flag in hand, you'll stand
right in the middle of the tracks.
That too in slow motion. Show me.
That's more like it.
Upon seeing you right
in the middle of the tracks...
the troubled train driver
will blow the whistle.
Well done.
But you won't budge.
Never!
A passion for independence
is burning inside you.
And you'll shout aloud.
Long live the revolution!
Long live the revolution!
Listen, on my mark all the villagers
will pounce on the train
like hungry wolves.
Got it?
And tear away the uniforms
of those British officers.
Unload all the stuff from
the train and load it in this truck.
And what will I do?
You...
You're Razia Sultan.
Who is she?
-Who is she?
-Bahadur Shah Zafar's daughter.
Bahadur Shah Zafar's daughter.
And all this treasure is your father's.
Wonderful!
Let me put on some more rollers.
Yes, go do that. Go on.
If she is Razia Sultan,
then who the hell am I?
-Charlie Chaplin?
-No! Sheikh Chilli.
He'll put us in trouble. What is it?
The train is here, sir.
The train is here, Subedar!
For the first time you've told me
something without being asked, Nana.
I hope this train
doesn't spoil my hair.
Rising stars of Dhuliya...
the moment you've
been waiting for is here.
Get ready for over-acting.
Boss, are you sure
the train will stop here?
And the police in
there won't sh**t at us?
You'll get to know in ten minutes.
And me too.
Am I or am I not in this film?
Dear Dambar, it's impossible
to do this scene without you.
Without you this film will
be like Sholay without Samba.
Like Titanic without the cr*ck.
The whole world will
remember your name, D'souza.
Sir, you do remember it. Dhurinder.
I will remember it, Dadar.
-Aatish.
-Sir!
Aatish, the boxes will be heavy.
But I'd like you to carry
and load them on the truck.
Will you be able to do it?
Of course, sir.
Besides, I do my own stunts.
If you carry the boxes yourself...
then what will happen
to your broken back?
You got it treated recently, sir.
Bunty, if I carry the boxes today,
I'll get the Oscar tomorrow.
Sir, many people are
running on the tracks.
Idiots. What do they want?
Sir, what do we do?
Blow the whistle, Jagtap.
Idiot, the train's whistle.
Blow the train's whistle.
Enough.
-Sir.
-Yes?
What do we do?
Should we stop or crush them?
There are people.
If they die, we'll be imprisoned.
Move! Go away from the tracks!
Stop!
He gets the lifetime award.
Hey, move!
It's the superstar, Aatish Kapoor.
Sir, let's get his autograph.
Jagtap, get down!
Traitors!
You live off mother India,
but you serve the British.
You dirty dog.
Where is my father's treasure?
Ma'am, I don't know
who your father is.
Long live the revolution!
Why are you pretending
to sh**t with your fake g*n?
Look here. I have a real g*n.
Hit him!
Take them!
People of Dhuliya, loot it!
I mean, pounce on it!
The more you rob the
bigger the actor you will be.
Rob it!
-Tabrez, my son.
-Mother?
Yes, I'm right here.
Why did you come here?
Wherever you go
Quiet!
Who called you here?
You never invite me
to watch your film sh**t.
So my would-be daughter-in-law
has called me.
Bloody...
Her mother has also come?
-Isn't it heavy?
-Yes.
Let me help you.
Go away.
Hey, take this old woman away.
Mummy, how do I look?
My baby is looking so beautiful.
-Just like a heroine.
-Ain't I?
People of Dhuliya, sing with me.
The land of my country
The land of my country
Gives us gold
Gives us diamonds and pearls
The land of my country
The land of my country
Gives us gold
Gives us diamonds and pearls
The land of my country
Whatever you're doing is
being captured on our camera.
So, emotion.
People of Dhuliya,
sing with enthusiasm.
The land of my country
The land of my country
Gives us gold
Gives us diamonds and pearls
The land of my country
The land of my country
Let me call up the commissioner.
My old friend!
-Yes, Chatterjee.
-Hello, sir.
We've found Tees Maar Khan.
He's here in Dhuliya, sir.
Idiots, that is "Bharat ka Khazana."
Tees Maar Khan is
robbing the treasure.
And I'm on that same train.
By the way, where are you?
Sir, we're somewhere nearby.
We're watching it with our own eyes.
Well done. Is Tees Maar Khan around?
Is he speaking on the phone?
Exactly, sir.
He's speaking on the phone.
sh**t him.
att*ck him. Do you have a g*n?
Excellent!
Now remove all the b*ll*ts from it.
Remove all the b*ll*ts.
Why should I remove the b*ll*ts?
I don't understand.
Had you been that smart...
wouldn't you have
been a commissioner like me?
I want Tees Maar Khan alive.
Understand?
Just do as I tell you to do.
Throw away the b*ll*ts
and arrest Tees Maar Khan.
-Okay, sir.
-Remove them.
Sir, we've arrested Tees Maar Khan.
-Swear on me.
-I swear on you.
Saving the honor of a harlot
and imprisoning Tees Maar Khan...
Both are futile.
Hurry up!
Get in.
Old woman, get in the car.
Villagers, keep singing.
I've placed cameras all around you.
Smile! Sing! Aatish, sing.
Come on, quickly.
Isn't Aatish coming with us?
He's gone to get a
suit made for the Oscars.
Even I wanted a dress.
-I want to watch the sh**ting, Tabrez.
-Yes, I'll show you.
-It's such a beautiful place.
-Yes.
Do one thing. Take them both.
Take them to Mumbai.
Mother, let's go.
Stop doing that.
Get your legs inside quickly.
Take them to Mumbai.
When is the next sh*t?
Next year. Go now.
Give me the truck keys.
Quickly.
Why? Do you want to deposit
the treasure in the bank?
No.
I had promised myself...
that I'd leave some
valuables for the villagers.
He's large hearted.
Give me five.
Are you out of your mind?
I'm not asking for
your permission. Okay?
I'm telling you my decision.
Besides,
we're giving it from our share.
You have nothing to do with it.
Come on.
Remove the keys from your pocket.
Come on.
Share?
Come on!
Move!
Being an inspector,
you're helping a criminal.
I'm Commissioner Khadak Singh.
The one who you've helped
rob "Bharat ka Khazana"...
is the wanted criminal Tees Maar Khan.
-Yes.
-What?
Yes. I knew it...
Sir, how did this happen?
I didn't get it.
Damn it. I didn't even realise it.
Tees Maar Khan!
Quickly.
Listen.
Let's put this in the bank.
-You take care of those two.
-Okay, boss.
Go quickly.
Boss, looks like he's dead.
Should I check him?
-Is he your uncle?
-No, boss.
You need one more box?
Will send it right away.
Boss has asked for another box.
Boss, the Johri brothers have escaped.
Why did you let them go?
They said you asked me to.
-When did I tell him?
-Hands up.
Let it go.
Hands up, Tees Maar Khan.
Speak now.
This poor guy is still in character.
The sh**ting is over.
Your game is up, Tees Maar Khan.
Look, there's no enmity between us.
You're a good actor.
Come to Mumbai.
I'll introduce you to Yash Chopra.
He's our uncle.
Enough of film sh**ting.
Now surrender yourself to me quietly.
-Dharindar...
-It's not Dharindar. It's Dhurinder.
Inspector Dhurinder.
You're a criminal
and I'm a police officer.
Address me with respect. Hands up!
I'll deal with you back
in Mumbai, Duryodhan.
Present the accused in court.
Stand up.
All these are the accused?
Yes, My Lord. The whole
village is filled with criminals.
-No!
-How can you call us criminals?
Order! Order! Silence.
Speak one by one.
The whole village carried
out the robbery together.
They deserve the harshest
of punishments, My Lord.
No!
Keep quiet all of you.
Who are you, brother?
International film
director Manoj Day Ramalan.
I had ordered phony
treasures for my film sh**t.
But sir, some scoundrel
sent genuine treasures.
And I suspect it is Steven.
-Steven?
-Spielberg.
He's a liar, My Lord.
Firstly, he's himself a wanted criminal.
Secondly, he has been to prison times.
And he's escaped from prison times.
-Get through this case first.
-Sorry, sir.
To prove his true identity,
I'd like to present two witnesses.
Special Officers,
Chatterjee and Mukherjee.
Your Honour,
we personally arrested him in Paris.
But he tricked us and escaped.
Yes, Your Honour.
This is the international criminal...
Tabrez Mirza Khan
alias Tees Maar Khan.
No.
Your Honour, wait.
He's not a criminal. He's a godsend.
The director left this share
of the treasure at the bank for us.
For us villagers.
He's large hearted.
Your Honour, because of
him I got my son back.
He can't be a criminal.
Yes! He can't be.
My Lord, if he's Tees Maar Khan,
then what do we care?
But he's always thought
about the welfare of the village.
Yes. He thought about our welfare.
My son might be a criminal,
but he's pure at heart.
And cute as well.
Silence!
Your Honour, had he been a criminal...
he wouldn't have left
the treasure for the villagers.
You bet.
Yes.
He might've shown me false
dreams about the Oscars...
but he has awakened
the artist in me, Your Honour.
If he's a criminal, then so am I.
Punish me as well.
Punish us as well.
Punish us as well!
Quiet!
Order! Order!
Brother, what now?
What do I know, brother?
-Silence!
-Punish us as well!
Did you see that, My Lord?
They're all criminals.
Punish them.
I'll surely punish them.
Quiet! Let me speak.
On account of all the
evidence and testimonies...
this court declares Tees Maar Khan...
and the villagers of Dhuliya guilty.
No!
-What nonsense is this?
-This is not possible.
Just a minute, Your Honour.
What now?
They are innocent.
I'm the only culprit.
In fact, I deceived these
decent people and have misled them.
They didn't even know that
a robbery was about to take place.
So Your Honour, I request you...
that only I should be punished.
Okay, only you will be punished.
This court announces
years imprisonment for you.
-No! Oh, God!
-No! Tabrez.
Seven years will fly by in a jiffy.
Not seven years, it's years.
Not seven, but years.
-Counselor, do something.
-b*at him!
Boss, take us with you.
No, I can't take all of
you with me to prison.
You have to stay outside
and complete my work.
You have to fulfill my dream.
Come on, boss.
-How can we and Anya--
-Rascal!
Boss, what else is left?
Everything's gone.
Even the treasure.
There's one thing left.
Ma!
No. Cinema.
-Cinema?
-Yes.
Have you forgotten our incomplete
film Bharat Ka Khazana?
Yes.
Listen, I want you to complete
-the film and release it.
-Okay, boss.
And whatever profit you make,
give it to the villagers.
Boss, and you?
Saving the honour...
Saving the honour of a harlot
and imprisoning Tees Maar Khan...
-Both are...
-Futile.
-Both are...
-Futile.
Okay, boys.
See you at the world premiere.
See you at the premiere.
Boss!
For the first time in
the history of the world...
a director is coming
directly from prison...
to attend the premiere of his film.
Yes, we're talking about
the international
criminal, Tees Maar Khan.
Today, you've got special permission
to attend the premiere of your film.
How do you feel?
It feels really great.
Because two things are
going to be released today.
Two?
Yes. My film and me.
-What do you mean?
-It means...
the rising sun and
a running Tees Maar Khan...
can never fall into anybody's hands.
Remember, I'll escape.
Leave me. What are you doing?
Catch them.
Roaming naked!
My naked hand on your naked cheek...
Where is the hard-earned
money of the poor Indians?
Tell me!
Let me try.
Where is the hard-earned
money of the poor Indians?
Tell me!
The land of my country
Gives us gold
Gives us diamonds and pearls
The land of my country
That's me.
What a film!
Congratulations to you too!
God bless you, dear.
What a film! This is French cinema.
This film should get an Oscar.
What is an Oscar?
Where is the director of the film?
I'd like to fall at his feet.
Rascal, why did you handcuff me?
He escaped again. Oh, my!
Sir!
Money, money
Oh, money
You? How did you get away?
Like this.
The cunning criminal Tees Maar Khan...
escaped from police
custody for the th time.
And this time from
the premiere of his film.
I'll give you one chance
to correct your mistake...
only if you return my share
of the treasure to me.
Share? We'll give
it to you right away.
What nonsense is this?
We're thinking of taking
away your money...
-and your plane. Right, captain?
-Yes, boss.
Mind the plane.
Luckily, I've found one parachute.
Put it on and both of you jump.
Go on. Quickly.
Rascal!
Stealing a bone from a dog's mouth
and money from Tees Maar Khan.
Both are futile.
Anil Kapoor!
Tees Maar Khan (2010)
Moderator: Maskath3