01x01 - Doug Can't Dance/Doug Gets Busted

[bunniefuu]

[ Yelps]

[ Barks]

[ Electric guitar playing]

[ Man singing scat]

[ Barks]

Cool! Whoa!

[ Thwack]

[ Barks]

Bud, watch
your back.

Say, tippy, want
to shag some balls?

Fore!

Sorry!

[ Barking]

Doug:
dear diary

Hi, it's me, doug.

The school dance seemed
like it happened a long time ago

But I remember it
like it was only yesterday.

It all began...
Well, this afternoon.

Me and porkchop were putting
the finishing touches

On my costume for the dance

And everything was going fine,
when all of a sudden it hit me.

Hey, funnie,
where are you?

Hi, roger.

Is that your costume
for the big dance tonight?

What are you,
a pile of manure?

[ Laughing]

I'm a slug.

So you're going
through with it?

What do you mean?

Aren't you
paired up

With patti
mayonnaise?

Yeah, I guess
I'm the luckiest guy...

Lucky?

Do you realize

She's the best dancer
in the school?

Yeah, so?

Think about it,
einstein:

How many
dance contests
you won lately?

Um... None.

How many dances
you ever been to?

Uh... None.

Have you ever danced
in your life?

No.

Face it, funnie--
you can't dance.

Everyone's
going to be
laughing at you.

I can
hear it now.

[ Laughing]

Doug can't dance.

Doug can't dance.
[ Screaming]

[ Footsteps]

[ Hinge creaks]

[ Barks]

That's me.

Hey!

[ Barks]

[ Yelps]

Roger explained why
I shouldn't go to the dance.

He said it was
for my own good.

Tell you what:

I'll dance with
patti for you.

You just go back home
and forget about it.

Go home, and
miss the dance?

Sure... Do
you want patti

To know you're
a klutz?

Huh?

I'll tell her

You had to make
like a tree and leaf.

Get it?

Very funny, roger.

Oh, brother,
what a klutz!

[ Laughs]

See you later,
funnie.

I don't know about roger.

Sometimes I wonder if he knows
what he's talking about.

Sometimes I think
he's trying to... Whoa!

Hello, there,
douglas.

Nice costume.

What are you, dirty socks?

I'm a slug.

Whatever.

How do I look?

Doug:
like a chicken,
mr. Dink.

There... You look
like a chicken.

Can we go now?

You're both wrong.

I'm a grade-a
thoroughbred chicken--

The ultimate
in poultry wear--

Very expensive.

The missus thinks
I look stupid.

Are you going
to the dance?

Of course we are.

I'm the chaperon.

I'm going as the wife
of a giant chicken.

Well, of course
you are, dear.

I can't wait
to get there.

It's going
to be a blast.

See you at the dance,
douglas.

Hm... Maybe the dinks are right.

Maybe it will be a blast-- if
you know how to dance, that is.

Hey...

Huh?

Yo, doug.

What's up?

Oh, hi, skeeter.

Hey, cool
godzilla costume.

One of a kind--
very fine.

I'm a slug.

Even better.

Gotta fly.

Planning a very superb
d.j. Setup for tonight.

I wish I could see it.

What do you mean?

Aren't you coming?

Well, I was,
but something came up.

What came up?

Well, I found out I can't dance.

Everyone can dance.

It's just moving around
without going anywhere.

Here, I'll show you.

First you move your arms

Like you got an itch
you can't reach.

[ Making rhythmic noises]

And then you bend your legs
like you're in an earthquake.

[ Beatboxing]

And then you let
your whole body go

Into spin dry.

[ Squeaking and creaking]

Or something
like that.

Oh.

Say, doug, could you
just pull my foot

Out of my pocket?

Like this?

Yeah, that's it.

No, the other way.

Yeah, that's it.

See you at
the dance, doug.

[ Feedback from amplifiers]

Skeeter:
testing one, two, three,
skeeter ice-m.c.

[ Rap music with scratching]

Say, tippy,
do you remember

The first time
I asked you to dance?

Yes, dear.

Do you remember
what you said?

Yes.

"Go away and
leave me alone."

Oh, you do remember.

But you finally said yes
at our senior prom.

As I recall,
I swept you right
off your feet...

And into
the refreshment table.

Still... Wasn't that
hospital room nice?

[ Feedback from amplifiers]

[ Music continues]

Wow!

Oh, sorry about that,
mr. And mrs. Dink.

Wow!

A flying chicken.

Cool.

That's grade-a
thoroughbred chicken!

[ Crash]

Oh, nice landing.

Who knows?

Maybe it
will be okay.

I've never even tried.

Hey, doug, nice
prune costume.

Maybe I'll dance
real good.

Yeah, maybe I'm
a great dancer.

[ Imagining rhythmic beat]

Doug?

Doug?
Doug, are you okay?

Uh, yeah.

What are you doing?

Oh, I was just thinking.

What a great
costume!

You make
a wonderful slug.

Did you say "slug"?

Doug, we'd better
get going.

Oh, okay... Let's go.

Say, patti,
ready to dance?

Doug,
are you hurt?

Funnie, what are
youdoing here?

I'mdancing
with patti.

Thanks just
the same, roger

But I'll try
to dance for myself.

You'll have to sit
this one out.

Way to go,
rog.

Yeah, she
loves you.

Yeah, rog,
that was, like,
real smooth.

[ Growling]

Oh, yeah?

I'll show him.

Come on, it's
hammer time.

[ Hip-hop music]

[ Hip-hop music,
man singing scat]

Come on,
let's get started.

I havestarted.

Wait till funnie
feels this.

Some ice down the back
ought to cool him down.

[ All laughing]

Good-- now try
moving your feet.

Oh, yeah,
I forgot.

Yech!

Oh, ooh, polka!

Gangway, coming through.

Watch your back.

This is great,
patti.

I'm getting
the hang of it.

Before tonight,
I didn't think
I could dance

But now i...

Hey, what the...

Whoop, whoop, whoa!

[ Screaming in pain]

Oh, brother

What a doofus!

You see, doug,
I told you.

You can't dance!

[ Crowd laughing]

[ Moaning fashionably]

Hey, doug, what
a great new dance.

Come on, everybody,
do the slug hop with us.

[ All moaning fashionably]

Do the slug hop!

What's going on here?

Bawk!

This is a great
new dance.

It's wild,
it's groovy.

I told you it
would be a blast.

I think you need to get
out more often, dear.

[ Music continues]

Hey, get me up.

You can't just
leave me here.

[ Screams]

It went on like that
for the rest of the night.

It was so much fun.

I can't believe
I almost chickened out.

The most important thing
I figured out was

When the going gets tough,
always remember to... No.

Never think you can't... No.

Blessed are the...

Four score and seven...

[ Screaming]

Porkchop, my foot!

How could you?

Anywhere but my foot!

It's the only foot
that I've got.

It still hurts...

Bud dink:
sorry.

There I was, doug funnie

Fugitive from justice,
cold, wet, hungry.

Even my shorts were riding up.

This was the worst thing
that's happened to me

Since the beginning
of the school year.

[ Footsteps]

[ Hinge creaks]

[ Barks]

That's me.

Hey!

[ Barks]

[ Yelps]

Boy, how did I ever
get into this mess?

How did I begin my life
as a fugitive?

I guess it all started...

At the school science fair.

Everybody had real
interesting projects.

I remember chalky had trained
a venus's-flytrap to sing opera.

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la

♪ La-a-a!

Beebe had a display that proved

The trees cause more pollution
than her father's factory.

Skeeter came dressed
as the solar system

And roger tried to pass off a
big firecracker as a supernova.

[ Playing hawaiian music]

My project was a volcano.

I was really excited about it.

Wow, that's terrific, doug.

Really? Well,
the reason the lava

Keeps sh**ting up
into the air

Is because... I love you.

Huh?

I mean, aboveyou.

The sparks go
above you, and...

Freeze!

What's going on here?

[ Growling]

It's a volcano, mr. Bone.

Isn't it wonderful?

As assistant
principal

I inform you
that this volcano

Is a direct violation
of school code number...

Well, the number's
not important.

No volcanos
on school property
without permission.

[ Bell ringing]

Time for math class.

Let's see if there are

Any other firebugs
in here.

Uh-oh.

Nice project,
skeeter.

Gotta go.

Young man,
this violates

School code
number...

Well, the number's
not important.

No supernovas.

Hey, mr. Bone
just put out a fire.

Mr. Bone put out
a huge fire.

It was this
gigantic expl*si*n.

You should have
seen it.

The whole
building went up.

Kerplooey!

A meltdown?

The whole science lab?

Way to go, rog.

You're in
trouble, dude.

Hey, don't look
at me, man.

Who else could
have burnt down

The science lab?

Hey, roger,
ned, willie.

Doug... That's it.

Funnie did it.

Did what?

Doug, try
to concentrate.

You remember that
volcano of yours?

Oh, sure, it started
with one tiny spark

But pretty soon
the whole science lab

Was one towering
inferno.

What should I do?

Personally, pal,
I can't overstate

The value of
running and hiding...

Oh, gosh!

From the cops.

You know what they do
to people who start fires?

You'll be stamping
license plates

Until you're
as old as mr. Bone.

I'm innocent, I tell you.

It was an accident.

How are you
feeling, funnie?

An accident.

I gotta go!

Electronic voice:
freeze! You're under arrest.

Freeze! You're under arrest.

Say, douglas, you like
my new car alarm?

Very expensive.

Well, yes, mr. Dink.

Say, I wonder what
made him so nervous.

Maybe doug is actually

The head of an international
ring of auto thieves, dear.

Oh, no, tippy,
not doug.

Why, he's too young
to drive.

To throw off the cops,
I figured I'd try a disguise.

Ow!

Hey, judy, it's okay.

Do you mind if I borrow
a few things?

Oh, no, please... Go through
allmy private stuff.

Try my dresser, too.

Oh, okay.

Stay away
from my dresser.

But you said...

I was being sarcastic.

It's a dramatic device.

What are you supposed
to be, anyway?

Some sort
of bandit?

Me? Do I look like a bandit?

Dougie, if you're
going to play a bandit

At least
look the part.

Hm... Something's
missing.

[ Snaps fingers]

Voila!

Doug,
the bandit!

No, jackbandit.

Okay, coppers,
I dare you to catch...

Wa-na-na... Jack bandit!

Now, class, does anyone know

What the sixth article
of the constitution says?

Patti?

The sixth article
of the constitution states

The court may punish anyone
who covers the science lab

With molten lava.

And do we know anyone like that?

All:
it's him!

Get him!

You'll never get... Wa-na-na...

Jack bandit!

What a guy!

Good-bye!

What the...

This is going on your
permanent record.

Jack, you must escape.

So long, suckers.

It seemed as if my only chance
was to go on the lam.

I couldn't leave
without saying good-bye

To my parents, though.

Mom?

Dad?

[ Yawning]

Uh, I'm leaving home--

Dropping out
of school

And starting
a new life

As a fugitive
from justice.

That's nice, doug.

Just don't
wake your sister.

Okay... Well, uh,
I'm leaving now.

No more son.

Good-bye.

This is it, boy.

We're really outlaws now.

It's... Wa-na-na... Jack bandit

And his sidekick, uh...

Porkchop.

What do you do when
you're on the lam?

[ Whines]

I don't know either.

I wonder what
everybody's doing.

Do you think they miss us, even?

Where is
the library?

I'm just going
to wander around

Till I find it.

Are you getting
as hungry as me?

[ Whimpers]

Psst... Skeeter.

Hey, doug,
cool outfit.

Natural fibers?

You going to eat
that whole sandwich?

Oh, here.

Thanks.

Say, skeet?

Yeah, doug?

If you burned down
the science lab

How would you

Spend the rest
of your life?

Would you
prefer prison

Or dodging
the cops?

I'm going to be an astronaut.

There he is.

Hey, you! Stop!

The principal wants
to talk to you.

[ Hounds barking]

So now, once again,
I'm jack bandit

Hunted down like an animal just
because of my love for science.

Can I really spend
my life like this?

No allowance, and...
Well, already

It's a lot more running
than I ever expected.

Prison's got to be
less strenuous--

Regular meals, bunk beds,
my own number.

Okay, mr. Bone,
you win.

I'll go quietly.

Oh, mr. Bone

Could you wait
for one second?

I just have
to say good-bye.

Good-bye?

Please, it's
my last request.

Look, mister

I haven't got all day here.

Look, patti...

I don't want you
to worry about me

But it looks like
I might be going
away for a while.

What do you mean?

It's a crazy,
cruel world, patti.

The best thing to do

Is forget any
of this happened

And start junior
high without me.

I don't
understand.

Okay,
okay...

Break it up.

Show's over.

Good-bye, patti.

Okay, mr. Bone,
let's go.

[ All whispering in awe]

Way to go, funnie.

I've been in there
a thousand times

And they haven't broken meyet.

I hope they give him

A prison cell
with a view.

Prison?

What are you
talking about?

His volcano blew up
the science room.

That's impossible.

I was just there.

It was fine.

Then what does
the principal want?

What did
the principal
say, doug?

Second place--
I won second place.

Mrs. Wingo liked my volcano

And she loved
porkchop's hula dance.

What?

Let me
see that.

Oh, doug,
how wonderful!

Wow!

So I didn't go to prison

And for now, it's back
to my normal, quiet...[ Yawns]

Sleepy bluffington life.

But who knows when an even
more terrifying science project

Might strike,
thanks to... Wa-na-na...

Jack bandit!

Ow!

Or maybe next time
I'll make a map.

It's a lot safer.