03x03 - The Raffle

[bunniefuu]

Oh, here it goes.

♪ Everybody out there
go run and tell ♪

♪ Your homeboys
and homegirls ♪

♪ It's time for
kenan and kel ♪

♪ They'll keep you laughing
in the afternoon ♪

♪ So don't touch that dial,
don't leave the room ♪

♪ Because they're always
into some more fun ♪

♪ And you don't
want to miss it ♪

♪ It's double k
like do the good way ♪

♪ It's kenan and kel,
or should I say kel and kenan? ♪

♪ Then you gotta
watch kenan ♪

♪ 'Cause kenan be scheming
with a plan or a plot ♪

♪ To make it to the top ♪

♪ But they're kinda
in the middle ♪

♪ 'Cause they're always
getting caught ♪

♪ This ain't the hardy boys
or nancy drew mystery ♪

♪ It's just kenan and kel
in your vicinity ♪

♪ Like zigfried and roy
or abbott and costello ♪

♪ Magic and kareem
or penn and teller ♪

♪ Somebody's in trouble?
Oh, here it go ♪

♪ On nick nick nick nick
nick nick nick nick ♪♪

Captioning made possible by
nickelodeon
and u.s. Department of education

Thank you.

Thanks so much.

Ow, wow.

Thanks
for coming out.

I go by the name
of kenan.

[Cheers and applause]

And I'd like to be
referred to as kel.

[Cheers and applause]

We'd like to welcome
you all to the show.

Oh, you all look
so pretty.

Yeah, yeah. And I'd like
to give a special shout-out
to my homeboy...

Kenan!

[Cheers and applause]

Kel, I'm standing
right here, man.

There's no need
for any shouting out.

Oh, my.

Check it out.

What's that, kel?

A remote control.

Don't play with it
out here.

Wait. Don't push
the button!

Change the channel.
Get us back.

Oh, oh, o.k. Hold on.
I forgot the channel.

No, that's not us.

I don't know
what I'm doing.

Wait a minute.
I'm gonna fix this thing.

That's not it either.

Oh, wait, wait.

No, that's not--
give this, man.

See if I can
handle this.

Hey! There we are, man!
I love this show, man.

Whoo! It's time
for kenan & kel.

Oh, o.k. Can I have
my remote back?

No. But since
you're interested
in electronics so much,

I think you'll
find tonight's show
particularly dazzling.

Come on, skippy. Oh!

Kenan! I--i don't wanna
be dazzled.

Kenan! C-can't we just watch
the baby elephants?

Kenan! Kenan!

Aw, here it goes!

[Clicking]

[Clicking]

[Clicking]

[Clicking]

[Clicking]

[Clicking]

Kenan, what are
you doing?

I'm pricing these grapes.

You're not supposed
to put a price tag
on each grape!

We sell them
by the bunch.

Nobody buys
individual grapes.

Excuse me.

Do you sell
individual grapes?

Why, yes, we do.

Great! I'll take .

Do you have change
for a nickel?

Just keep it.

Gee! Thanks!

Hey, kenan!
Hey, chris!

Hey, orange soda!

Hey, kel, are you planning
to pay for that?

Oh, I wasn't
planning on it,

But let me see
what I can do.
Uh-huh. Naw.

Uh-uh. No.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!
How about next tuesday?

O.k.?

Hey, chris. What's with
that poster, man?

Oh, hey, check this out!

We are gonna have a raffle!

Ooh! I love raffles,

Especially with
a lot of maple syrup
and butter.

Kel, that's a waffle.
Chris is talking
about a raffle.

Oh, a raffle!

Yes. A raffle's where
people buy tickets

For the chance
to win a prize.

We are giving away
a brand-new television set!

Chris, where are we gonna get
a brand-new television set?!

I've already ordered it...
On the telephone.

It cost me $ .

I see. So anything
that you make over $
is cash in your pocket.

Cha-ching!
Cha-ching!

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

How about a raffle
to win a waffle?

Cha-ching!

And, kenan, I was thinking
that you could sell tickets

At school and around
the neighborhood.

Wow, that's great!

You know, I've been
trying to think of ways

I could do some
extra work for free.

I also thought that
I would pay you cents

For every raffle ticket
you sell.

Oh, now you're talking.
Please?

Wait! Kenan,
I meant after work!
You can't just lea...

Oh, he's gone.

Ooh whee! I can't
believe we got

This great
new television
for $ !

-Inch screen,
super-quadraphonic
speakers,

Subtitles in spanish
and pig latin!

This is the happiest day
of my life!

What about
our wedding day?

Well, that's up there.

Man, I can't believe
you sold tickets
in one day.

I know. You all
wanna buy...

Ooh, tv!

A tv!!!!!

Wait! Back away
from the set!

Back...away...
From the set!!!!!

Sorry.

Now, let's go
over a few rules

About the television.

No touching,
sniffing, licking,

Watching, or listening
to the set.

Can we cover it
with paint?

No.

Just turn it on,
roger.

O.k.

Everyone,
prepare yourself

For the ultimate...

In television
viewing experience.

Drum roll,
please.

Not on the set!
Not on the set!

Not on the set.no, no!

Well, we don't have
a drum.

Everyone...i give you

The amani
double vision .

Dah!

Oh!

Ow!

[Loud reverberating sound]

Aaaagggghhhhh!

Yeah! Turn it up!

Turn it up!

Stop! Turn it off!

I can't go on like this.

Oh, why?!

Because we're from
different sides
of the garden.

Hey, man, listen.
You're cabbage.
It'll never work.

Well, if I can't
have you, then
no one will.

Kenan, customer!

Hey! Hey!

So how'd it go, man?

I sold one ticket.

[Gasps]

Wait. You mean you've
been gone for hours

And you only made $ . ?

Well, no, not exactly.

Elaborate.

Tell me what happened.

Oh, oh! See, this clown wanted
to buy a raffle ticket,

But, see, he didn't have
any money.

So I traded him
the raffle ticket
for a balloon.

It's an orange balloon.

Isn't it handsome?

Yeehaw!

Can I have the rest
of my tickets back,
please?

Oh, all right.
Let me see...

[Hyperventilating]

Aaaagggghhhhhh! My balloon!

My balloon!

[Sobbing] oh, my balloon!

Oh, quick! Call
the fire department!

Delivery for a chris potter?

Right, the tv!
Just put it right
over there, man.
Thanks a lot.

I'll sign for it
'cause chris
isn't here.

Hey, you wanna buy
a raffle ticket?

Oh, i--i'm not much
of a breakfast person.

No, no.
A raffle, man,
not a waffle.

Oh! How much are they?

Well, they're
a buck apiece,
you know,

And it's well
worth it.

We're giving away
that nice tv
right there.

It's worth more
than bucks!

Got it!

[Glass shattering]

I think I'll pass.

Uh...uh...um...

Look, kenan, I got
my balloon back.

Why'd you have to
use chris's raffle
prize as some kind
of a trampoline?

Well, if chris
was raffling off

A trampoline
in the first place,

We wouldn't be
in this mess!

You're trying to blame
this on chris?!

I--i--i'm sorry, man.

I'm just projecting
my guilt onto an
innocent party,

You know,
in a futile attempt
to alleviate

My own feelings
of responsibility.

What?!

What part didn't you
understand?

Forget it, man.
We gotta do something,
and fast.

The raffle is tomorrow.

O.k., Look.
I got an idea.

What you got,
what you got?

We could fix it.
Let me see...
Let me see...

Oh, look!
I got a stapler.
Here we go.

O.k., I got
another idea.

Let's run away.

Yeah, let's run away
to a place

Where it's always
sunny all the time,

And nothing for me
to break.

Just you, me,
and my balloon.

Wow. That might have been
a good idea

If it wasn't such
an awful idea, man!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Never mind. What are we
gonna do?!

Whoo! Chris has never seen
this tv before, right?

No.

So can't we just replace

The broken tv with a new one?

Where are you gonna
get a new tv?

I don't know.

We can use my parents' tv!

No, no. No, no!
You can't use
your parents' tv.

Sure we can, because
we're gonna fix
the raffle

So that the person
that wins the tv is you!

Aaaggghhhh! For real?
For real? Oh, man!

I always wanted
a tv like that, man!

I know exactly where
to put it!

I'm so excited!kel!

♪ I'm gonna get a tv,
I'm gonna get a tv ♪

♪ I'm gonna get a tv ♪ kel!

You don't get to keep
the tv, man.

You gotta give it back
to my parents.

But...that's not fair.

I won.

Aaaaagggggghhhhhh!!!!

What did my balloon
ever do to you?

Careful, man.
You're touching
the tv too hard.

Man, we're gonna
get into trouble.
I just know it.

Would you relax?
I told you my parents
aren't gonna be home
until : tonight.

So as long as we got
the tv back by then,

They'll never even
know it was gone.

Wow!

Oh!!!

What a great tv
for $ !

That's because
it's a $ tv...

Just joking.
He don't know.

Look at the expensive-looking
cheap tv.

Well, minutes
till raffle time!

If you need me,
I'll be in the back
soaking my feet.

O.k. Yeah. Minutes.
All right.

So tell me again.
How am I winning
this tv that I
don't get to keep?

O.k.

Thisis the winning
raffle ticket, o.k.?

Now, you hold this half.

Instead of me putting
the other half

Into the drum
with the losing tickets,

I'm gonna hold on to it.

Then what?

Then I'll pretend
to reach my hand

And pull the ticket out,
call out the winning number,

And congratulations, kel!

You win my parents' tv.

That I don't get to keep.

Enough!
Now, let's practice
you winning.

All right.

All right.

I won! I won! I won!

No, no, not yet, man.

You gotta wait
for me to pull
the winning ticket.

Oh.

Now, here I go
spinning the drum.

Oh, look at all
the tickets

Going around and around,

Getting all mixed up.

Is everyone excited?

I won! I won!
I won! I won!

No, man!

Wait a minute.
Wait till I pull
this ticket--

Reach in,
pull the ticket.

Oh. Oh, o.k.

Now here I go,
reaching my hand
inside,

Already holding
your ticket.

[Hums]

Oh, lookie here.

And the winning
number is...

- - - - - .

You see, kel, those
are also the numbers
on your ticket.

You won! Celebrate!

Oh, I won! I won!

I won, I won, I won!

Good.

Kenan, could you give me
a hand back here?

Uh...i'm coming.

Now, I'm gonna
put the ticket
right here,

And you just try not
to break the tv set,
all right?

[Mimicking cylinder
rotating]

And the winner is...

Kel kimball!

Yeah! Oh, yeah!

Whoo! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Aaaagggghhh!

[Demented laughter]

Wow! People are already
lining up outside.

Here, give me that.aaagggghhhh! No, no!

From this point on
you gotta act like
you don't know me.

But...but...but...kenan...

I'm sorry, sir.

I have to help
other customers

Who are also strangers
to me.

Wait. Wait a minute.

Ooh, I sure hope I win.

I hope I win too.

O.k. Who is going
to be the big winner?!

[All talking excitedly]

O.k.! Kenan is
about to announce
the big winner!

[All talking]

Which lucky person
chosen completely
at random

Is gonna take home
the beautiful amani
double vision ?

[People cheering]

Let's get to spinning.

All right, here we go.

Spinning, spinning,
spinning!

All right.
Now let's choose.

[Humming]

Which ticket,
which ticket?

This one.

And the winning
number is ...

Aw, man!

... ... ...

... ... .

I won! I--i--i won!

I won!

Um...that's impossible!

No. - - - - - !

I won!

Ho ho ho!
Congratulations, lady.

Thank you!

Oh! Ha ha ha ha!

Kel!

Huh?

Can I have a word
with you, please?

Whyyyyyy?!

What happened?!
Why didn't you win?!

Because I didn't have
the winning ticket?

Yes. But why didn't you have
the winning ticket?!

[Crying]

Because...because I
was practicing winning

And both halves
of the ticket fell
in the ticket drum,

And they got
all mixed up with
the other tickets.

I tried to tell you,
but you told me not
to know you!

[Crying]

If only I didn't know you.

You're not gonna tell
your daddy...are you?

O.k., Don't panic!
Don't panic. Think.

The woman! We gotta
stop the woman!
Come on!

Enjoy your
television.

Oh, I will.

Hey! Chillin'.
How're you doing?

You might remember me.
I'm the man that called out
your winning ticket number.

My name is kenan.

Thank you, kenan.

Hey, I could
use a hand getting
this out to my car.

Oh, I'll give you a hand.

No! Actually, I was just
about to talk to you
about the tv.

Yeah?

How would you like
to give me the tv back?

No.

No, wait now!
Just hear me out.

Just hear me out!

Now, you paid $ .
For this tv, correct?

Yeah.

Well, I'm willing
to give you $ .

For the tv
you paid $ . For.

You'll be doubling
your money.

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking
that deals like this
don't come along every day.

Actually I was
thinking about

How much I want
you to get out
of my way.

Really...ow! Ow!

O.k., O.k., O.k. $ !

Do you even have $ ?

No.

Look, kenan,
I'll handle this!

Come here, woman!

Give him his tv back.

Well, this raffle
was a great idea.

Thanks to you,
we sold tickets.

That means
you get $ . !

Thanks a lot.

Thank you, chris,
but I'm afraid
I'm gonna need
all the money.

Wait a minute!

Man, gotta go!

Boy, she was fast,
but I got her shoe.

Come on, man. Let's go buy
my parents another tv.

I'll pay you back, chris.
I promise. Come on!

I'll lend you the money.
You still have to
pay me...

Aw! He's gone again.

Ha ha ha.

Hey, and welcome
to crazy betty's.

I'm betty, and I'm crazy!

[Barking]

You know who
that is, kenan?

That's crazy betty--

Crazy betty
from the commercials.

♪ His name is betty ♪

♪ Whoo! And he's crazy ♪

♪ Whoo! That's why they
call him crazy, crazy betty ♪

♪ Crazy, crazy, betty, betty ♪

♪ Crazy, crazy, betty, betty ♪

Whoo hoo!

Yeah, yeah, I know.

I've seen
the commercials.

Excuse me,
mr. Crazy...betty...

I need an amani
double vision

Delivered to my house
by : tonight.

That's crazy talk.

But lucky for you,
I'm crazy!

Yeah. Do the noise,
do the noise!

[Barking]

Yeah.

Hey, hey, hey, now!

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa!

Now, how much is the tv?

Well...ha ha ha ha.

Hey, juan.

Now, if I was sane,
I'd have to charge you $ .

$ ?!

But lucky for you, I'm crazy!

[Both barking]

I can believe
you're crazy.

Now, how much
is it gonna be?

$ .

Oh, great. I'll take it.

All right.
Let me just go get you

A crazydelivery form.

Hey, I wonder why they
call him crazy betty.

Because!

♪ His name is betty ♪

♪ Whoo! And he's crazy ♪

♪ Whoo! That's why they call him
crazy betty, betty... ♪

Kel, will you stop it?!

♪ ...betty...cr...
Crazy...betty... ♪

Aaaagggggghhhhhh!

I'm on tv!

Oh, gee, that's great.

Where did that betty go?

[Demented laughter]

Hey, kenan, come on!
Be on tv!

I don't wanna be
on tv, kel.

Yes, you do.

Stop.

Do something funny.

Get the camera
outta my face.

You look nice, kenan!

Hey, look, kenan.
It's like we have
our own show.

The kel and kenan show!

Hey, put that
camera down, kel!

Betty!

Betty!!!!!!

Here we go.

Give me that $ ,
and I'll get the tv
to your house
tonight.

Here you go.

All right.

♪ Shake it up... ♪

[Thud]

[Camera shatters]

Oops!

The tv's gonna be
delivered to my house
by : , right?

What's wrong with you?

That was
a $ video camera
you all just broke.

But...yeah...but...

You're not gonna charge us

For that $ video camera,
are you?

Are you kidding?
That's crazy talk.

Lucky for me,
you're crazy.

My name might be
crazy betty,

But I ain't that crazy.

W-wait a minute.

Now, I got...$ .

What can I get for $ ?

$ ?! Ha! Well,
why didn't you say so?

I'll take good care
of you.

Come on. Hop
to the back with me.

Boy, $ doesn't get
you much of a tv,
does it?

It sure don't.

[Chuckling]

Aaaaagggghhhhhhh!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Man! Why'd you
have to break
the video camera?

No, no! Better yet,

Why'd you lose
the winning
raffle ticket?

No, no! Why'd you have
to break chris's tv?

It was an accident.

It was an accident.

I had to get
my balloon back.

Oh, man!

I--i'm dead.

I'm dead.
I'm dead. Dead.

♪ Dead, dead, kenan, kenan ♪

♪ Dead, dead, kenan, kenan ♪

Stop it!

I'm sorry. I can't get
that tune out of my head.

Yes! I can't wait to watch
the bulls game on my new tv!

Oh, no, no. Ournew tv.

Our new one.
O.k., Move boys.

Here we go. Bulls!

Wow. I guess I'm polished, huh?

I can assume I'll be grounded
for about weeks.

O.k., O.k., O.k.!
A month!

At which point I'll receive
no allowance,

And I can't watch no tv.

Ow!

Oh, yeah. I guess I'm never
too old for a spanking, huh?

Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh! Oh! Oh!