04x01 - Corporate Kenan

[bunniefuu]

Oh, here it goes.

♪ Everybody out there
go run and tell ♪

♪ Your homeboys
and homegirls ♪

♪ It's time for
kenan and kel ♪

♪ They'll keep you laughing
in the afternoon ♪

♪ So don't touch that dial,
don't leave the room ♪

♪ Because they're always
into some more fun ♪

♪ And you don't
want to miss it ♪

♪ It's double k
like two the good way ♪

♪ Kenan and kel, or should
I say kel and kenan? ♪

♪ Then you gotta
watch kenan ♪

♪ 'Cause kenan be scheming
with a plan or a plot
to make it to the top ♪

♪ But they're kinda
in the middle ♪

♪ Because they're always
gettin' caught ♪

♪ This ain't the hardy boys
or nancy drew mystery ♪

♪ It's just kenan and kel
in your vicinity ♪

♪ Like sigfried and roy
or abbott and costello ♪

♪ Magic and kareem
or penn and teller ♪

♪ Somebody's in trouble?
Oh, here go ♪

♪ On nick nick nick nick
nick nick nick nick ♪

[Loud cheers and applause]

Oh, thank you!
Thank you so much.

Wow. Ow. Stop.
Oh, thank you.

Welcome to the kenan
and kel show.

For those of y'all
that don't know,

My name is kenan!

[Loud cheers and applause]

Yes! Yes!

Yes!

And for y'all
that don't know--

The capital of turkey
is istanbul!

Kel, nobody cares
about turkey, man.

You're supposed to be
introducing yourself
to the people.

Oh. I'm kel!

[Loud cheers and applause]

Oh, thank you.
Thank you very much.

And, hey, kenan, did you
know that the largest lemon
is pounds?

No. I didn't know that.
That's great.

Anyway, tonight's
episode is fantastic.

Oh, and did you know
that a camel's hump
has water in it?

Did you know
that I don't care?

We're trying to do
an episode here.

What's with
all the facts?

Well, I got it
out of this book.

It's called the big book
of everything!

The big book
of everything?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, it has everything
in it. Mm-hmm.

Really?

Yeah.

Does it have
my favorite color
in there?

Well, let's just see.

Oh, there it is!
Right there.

"Kenan's favorite
color: plaid."

Huh? What? How
did the book know
my favorite color?

I told you, it's
the big book of everything!

Oh, really?

Well, does it know
what tonight's episode
gonna be about?

Let's see. Mm-hmm.

"Trouble abounds
when kenan and kel--"

Oh! No, no. You
don't need to read.

No, no. Don't need
to read that.

You don't want to
spoil the surprise
for the audience,
brother.

Now, come on,
crungie. We got
a show to do.

I don't know why
I be calling
you names,
but you know...

Uh, kenan!

Kenan, w-w-why does it always
have to be a surprise?

Kenan!

Awwwwwww! Here it goes!

Did your dad ever
tell you about the time

He hid a live pig
in the principal's car?

I don't think we need
to hear that story.

No, no.

He was crazy back
in those days.

In fact, you know what
we used to call him?

Freddy, the talking
camel boy?

No. We used
to call him crazy roger!

I get it!
'Cause he crazy and
he's named roger.

Ha ha ha! That's
pretty clever.

Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.

Now, let's get
back to some more
embarrassing stories
about my daddy.

Oh, kenan, I don't know
about that, honey.
We could be here all night.

Hey now!

Uh, mr. Rockmore,

I mean, you
and mr. Malone went
to the same school.

I mean, why did
he become much
more successful
than you did?

Kel!

I mean,
come on, he's
a multi-millionaire

With his own company
and you're just...

Bald.

All right, so since
we on the subject,

How did you
get to be rich?

Kenan, don't be so rude.

How didyou get
to be so rich?

Well, I started
working in the mailroom
of a large company

When I was just
about your age, kenan.

Years later,
I was running the place.

And do you know
how I did it?

Uh-uh.

I know!
You trained a hyena,

Then to impress
your boss,

You taught him
how to do a little
hyena dance.

I bet it
went like this.

♪ I'm a hyena ♪
come on!

♪ I'm a hyena ♪
come on!

♪ I'm a hyena ♪
yeah!

♪ I'm a hyena ♪
then do this
at the table.

♪ I'm a hyena ♪

♪ I'm a ♪

♪ Hyena? ♪

All right.

So, uh, I believe
you were telling me
how to get rich.

That's right. Words.

Hard work.

Hey.

Hard work.
I like that.

You know,
that's why I got
an after-school job.

I like working hard.
I am no stranger
to hard work.

Ha!

When was
the last time

Your boss
gave you a raise?

Well, uh...

Uh, never.

Never?

Why, that's outrageous!

You know what?

You're right.

Why, first thing
tomorrow morning,

I'm going to march myself
right into chris' office

And I'm going to say...

Chris!

I need a raise!

Me, too.

Kel, you can't
get a raise.

Oh--oh--oh, ok.
That's how you're
gonna treat me, huh?

I give this store
the best years
of my life!

And this is how
you repay me!

Kel, you don't
work here.

Oh, yeah.

So, what's
your answer, chris?

I'm sorry, kenan.
I don't have
the money to give
you a raise.

But I thought--

Hey, hey, hey, kenan,
don't you understand english?

He said, "no!"

All right, fine.

But I guess
I just have to work
someplace else then.

W-w-what? What?
Wait a minute.
Hey, hey, hey, kenan.

Wait, wait. Hey, man,
you can't quit.

If you quit, then
I can't get any more
free orange soda.

Kel, relax, man.
I'm not really gonna quit.

I just want chris
to think I'm quitting,
so he'll give me the raise.

Ahh!

So, uh...

What do you say, man?

Do I get the raise,
yes or no?

[Sighs]

No.

Uh...well, fine.

Well, I guess I just
have to quit then.

So, here I go...

Quitting...

On my way out
the quitter's door...

To quitstown.

Kenan, wait!

[Sighs]

I'm gonna miss you!

Oh, man! What you
talking about?

Don't speak.

I hate
long goodbyes.

Just go before
I get all weepy.

Weepy?go!

All right, fine.

Come on, kel.

[Crying]

Man...

Now, I don't have a job!

Man, how am I supposed
to get rich now?

What am I supposed to do?

Bake me some cookies?

No, man!

You know what
I should do?

Bake me some cookies?

No! It's to get a job

In the mailroom
of a company, like
mr. Malone did!

Yeah! Then in years,

I could be
a millionaire, too!

sh**t! Who needs
dumb old rigby's?

There's got
to be a mailroom job
somewhere in here.

Help me!

Ah! Here it is, kel!

"Mailroom job opening."

I found it! Kel, kel.

Kel, what are you doing?

I'm trying to open
this orange soda.

Here, man.

Now, come along, slurpie.
We got some work to do.

Mmm.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Uh!

Oh!

Oh, man.

Ok.

Hey, kenan,
what you reading?

Nothing.
It's my resume.

You know, where
I write down
my name and all
my work experience,

So that they'll
be able to tell
that I'll be a good
mailroom worker.

Oh, let me see.
"Name: kenan rockmore.

Work experience:
rigby's grocery."

Aah! Hey, this
is very impressive.

Man, you got this job.
Come on, now!

Ha ha ha! Yeah!

You're right, freddy.

Know what I'm saying?
What's up, dog?

Grr! Hey there!
How you doing?

You going out for
the mailroom job, too?

I don't think so.

I'll be interviewing
for the executive
vice-president position.

[Ring]

Now,
if you'll excuse me.

I have
a phone call...

On my cell phone.

Yes?

[Imitating man]
I'll be interviewing

For the executive
vice-president position

Because I have
a nice briefcase
and my cell phone.

"My cell phone."

Oh, man.

I'll bet this guy's resume
isn't better than yours.

You know what
I'm saying, man.

Let me see.

Oh, wait, kel.
Don't go into his--

Let me see.
Uh-huh, yeah. A-ha!

Oh, come on.

Oh, here we go,
here we go.

"Reginald van buren."

Ha ha!

Ah, wait a minute.

"Harvard...
Business school?"

Oh! Wait,
I was wrong, kenan.
He is better than you.

Oh, that's wonderful.
Now, put the man's stuff

Back in his briefcase
before he's coming--

Oh, man! I knew it!
He's coming!

What did you say?

The man!
He's coming!
Throw that in here.

Let's close it,
let's close it,

Let's close it,
let's close it.

Next?

Oh. That--that's me.

Kel, I need my resume, man.

Oh, there you go.

Hey,
how's it going?

Hoo!

"Kenan rockmore?"

That's strange.

Huh!

Hey, wait a minute.

I know what's
going on here.

Your name's
kenan rockmore, too, huh?

Definitely not!

Ha! Oh.

Uh-oh!

This is a very
impressive resume,

And--and you seem
so young to have
so much experience.

Well, my boyish
good looks make me look

A little younger
than I am.

You know, like /.

And--and--and
you have experience
in the stock market.

Well...well, yeah.

You know,
at the market
I worked at,
I did stock stuff.

Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha.

And you have
a sense of humor, too.

Well, you know...

You know,
you are exactly

What we're looking
for in an executive
vice-president.

Executive vice-president?

Yes.

Uh, well, um...
Can I see that resume
for a second?

Yes, by all means.uh, thanks.

Is there some
problem, reginald?

Oh, no, no, no.
Well, actually,

I think there's been
a little mistake.
You see, my name is--

Uh, did somebody else
make you another offer?

[Snap] we'll top it.

How does $,
a year sound?

Oh, no.

What?

Uh, uh, I'm sorry.
I usually don't faint
in meetings.

Oh! Look what I did!
I'm sorry.

I didn't mean
to spill your beverage.

Oh, um...$,.

Yes.

Well, u.s. Dollars.

Yes.

, Of those and,
uh, that's fine with me,

You know,
'cause I'm reginald...

"Van buren."

You know, that's my name.

Psst!

[Whispering] kenan!

Reginald.

No, no, no, see.
It's me--kel.

I need to talk
to you, kenan.

Heh heh heh.

Call me,
reginald, man.

Uhh!

Is there--is there
some problem?

Oh, no, no.
No problem.

See, I'll explain
everything.

Uh-huh.

See, we were out there
and what happened was--

No, no, no, no, no.
See, this is, uh,
my personal assistant.

Uh-huh.

I am?
Yes.

You know,
I don't know
what I would
do without him.

Ok, reginald.
You drive
a hard bargain.

You're hired, too.

Huh? What?
I'm hired, too?

I'm hired, too.
Oh, man. Ah, this is great.

Ah, you won't
regret this, buddy.

Uh, uh, kel! Kel,
get off the nice man.

Oh, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry.

Well, uh...

Welcome aboard,
gentlemen.

Uh!

All right.

Wow!

Kel, did you hear that?i know!

We got jobs!

Yeah!

Whoo! I'm an executive
vice-president.

And I am
your assistant.

Whoo-wee!

Yeah, uh-huh.

Just one thing.

What do we do here?

I have no idea.

[Whistling]

♪ Duh duh
duh-duh-duh-duh ♪

Hey, kenan,
sorry I'm late.

Kel! What are
you wearing?

Hey, well, you told me
to wear a suit.

Well...i would...
Try to...

Ah, fair enough.

Hey, check this out.

[Beep]

Intercom:
yes, mr. Van buren?

Uh, yes, could you
bring me a bottle
of orange soda,
please?

Right away, sir.

Ha ha ha!

[Gasp]

Hee!

Ah ha ha ha!

Orange soda! Oh, man!

Oh, man, you get
free orange soda.
This is great.

Mmm!

Mmm!

Mmm!

[Gasp]

Kenan, I can't
believe you get
free orange soda, man!

Come on, you got
to do it again.

Do it again, kenan.
Do it again.

Listen, listen.
You got to stop
calling me kenan.

Around here you got
to call me reginald.

Oh, ok. I'll call
you reginald.

Hey, kenan,
did you ever find out

What the executive
vice-president does?

No.
And matter of fact,

I don't even
know what this
company does, man.

I mean, they got to make
or sell something.

Yeah.

I got it.

Maybe they sell...

Dirt.

Yeah!

'Cause everybody
likes to buy dirt.

Yeah.
Yeah.

Yeah, that--
look...

Man,
just find out what
the company does.

I mean, ask around,
but don't let nobody know
that we don't know.

All right.
I got you, kenan.

Reginald.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Big reggie.

Oh, hey, hey.
I'm an assistant. Ha ha ha!

Reginald, how's
the first day going?

Hey. Oh, great.

You know,
I'm just eager

To jump right in and
start working hard.

Well, I'm glad
to hear it, because
later today we're having
a little meeting,

And I want you
to give a speech.

You know,
outlining your plans,
goals for the company.

Today? Today?

Um...no.

Uh, i--today's
not no good.

Not no good because,
uh, I got a bad case
of the [cough]...

Uh...[Cough]...termites
or something like that.

Ha ha ha!

Termites.

What a kidder.

Yeah, right.

Here. Have your
assistant copy
these figures,

And I'll see you
at :, reginald.

Oh. All right.

: It is then.

Ha!

[Beep]

Intercom:
yes, mr. Van buren.

Uh, yeah, could you
please come in here,
wake me up?

I'll be passed out
on the floor.

Certainly, sir.

Thank you.

Oh, hey,
my fellow employee.

Hey!
How you doing?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Can I fix it up for you?
I'm sorry.

Hey, what do we do here?

Hey, would you
get off of me?

I'm--i'm sorry.
I'm sorry. Oh!

Hey, man. Did you
figure out what it is
that we do here?

No! The people here
are just--just rude!

Look, I got to give
a speech in hours,

And I have no idea
what we do.

Maybe we're shepherds.

Yeah. Mm-hmm, maybe,
but probably not!

Look, run these copies off.

I got to find somebody
to tell me what we do here.

Hey, how's it going?

Reginald van buren,
new executive
vice-president.

Hi.

Wayne connally,
supervising vice-president.

Oh! Well,
isn't this nice?

Just vice-presidents
kicking back

And chatting about
what it is that
they do here.

Why don't
you go first?

Uh...

I'm kind of busy.

Wh-whoa! Hey!

You know what
I love to do?

I love to tell people
what our company does

And then give them
a detailed description
of what my job is.

That's nice.

No, no, no, look.

Uh, just for fun,

Why don't you pretend
that you're me,

And then tell me
what the company does,

Then give me
a detailed description
of what your job is?

Look, I've got work to do.

B-b-but what
kind of work?

Oh, man!

Kenan, make
the copy machine
stop!

Oh, no! Oh, no!

Oh, no! Oh! Oh!

Oh, man!
This is hopeless!

I mean, if I knew what
we did at the company

At least I could
try to fake my way
through the speech.

Kel, on intercom: kenan!

Come in, kenan!

Do you copy? Kenan!

Kel, would you
please stop playing
on the intercom, man?

We're in the same room!

I'm sorry, kenan.

Hey, kenan, can I have
next wednesday off?

Huh! Look, boy...

Hey! I'm trying
to get out of giving

That speech
in hours, man.

Would you stop
interrupting me?

Oh! That's it!

Interrupting me!

Kel, all you got
to do is wait outside
that meeting

Until I get up
to give my speech,

And then you rush in
to interrupt me.

Then can I have
next wednesday off?

Will you forget
about that, man?

You just get in there
before I give my speech

And say that
something important
has come up and we got
to leave right away.

Well, what if nothing
important comes up?

Well, make it up.

You know,
like I got an
emergency phone call
or something.

Ha ha! Nobody'd
ever believe that!

See, what I do is,
I'll come in and I'll say,

"Your grandmother
got eaten by lions!"

Keep working on it,
all right.

Reggie, how are you?

Are you ready
for your speech?

Oh, yeah!
I'm ready! You know
what I'm saying?

I am so ready, boy.
You don't know
how I'm ready.

By the way, I told
the president about you,

And he's going
to stop by the meeting
just to say hi.

Great!

Ok, everybody.
I want you to meet
the newest team member--

Reginald van buren.

Now, reginald is going
to share with us

Some of his ideas
that I am certain

Are going to take
this company right
straight to the top.

Ha ha ha!

Reginald.

Ah.

Reggie, your daddy's been
att*cked by circus clowns!

Yeah, that sounds
pretty good.

Oh.

Well,i got a couple
of seconds.

Heh heh heh heh heh heh!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Kel, man,
where are you?

Reginald,
is everything ok?

Oh. Oh, yeah.
Everything's fine.
Everything is just
wonderful.

Matter of fact,
I'll just start
my speech now.

Ok? Ahem.

Ahem.

Ahem.

Ahh.

Ok.

Whew.

Profits...

Reginald!

I'm sorry.

I'm just
a little thirsty,
that's all. Ahem!

[Clearing throat]

Ahem. My name
is reginald.

Uh...yeah,
that's what it is.

Reginald is my name.

It starts with
an "r" and it rhymes
with fleginald.

You know,
and "rhyme" starts
with an "r", too.

How about that?
You--you can call me
reggie,

Or, uh...reg,
or, uh...hank.

Ha ha ha!

Whoo!

Ah!

Oh, my foot got caught
in the trash!

Get off! Get off! Get off!

Or you can call me
m-m-mr. Van buren,

Or my mom used
to call me bubu,

But that's
not appropriate
for the workplace.

Ha ha. Ok, so,
if there are
no more questions,

I'll see you
guys tomorrow.

Uh, bubu...

How do you feel
about corporate
downsizing?

Uh, well, let me
go to my notes.

All right.
Let me see now.
You know, that's
a very good question

That you just
asked about whatever
it was you said,

And, um, my--
my position is
that I'm....

For it?

For it?

How can you support
something that involves
f*ring hundreds of workers?

Well, i...
What's your name?

Johnson.

Jo-johnson.
Um, you...

You're fired.

What?!

You heard me.
I said you're fired!

You can't fire him.

Oh, yeah?

Well, mister...

Y-you're fired, too.

Yeah! Huh!
Any other questions?

[Mumbling]

Oh, man. Come on!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Wait a minute,
wait a minute.

Oh! Oh!

[Crash]

Ohh! I-i'm sorry!

Ha ha ha!

Oh, my hat! My hat!
Oh, my hat!

Uh! Uh! Whoo! Ooh!

Hey, aah!

Ooh!

Ooh. Up!

[Grunts]

What? Did somebody just--

Aah!

Excuse me,
mr. Van buren--

Now you're fired!

This is outrageous!

W-well, who's
the executive
vice-president
around here, huh?

Me! That who!

That means I make
the decisions 'cause
I'm the e.v.p.

That's right, e.v.p.

That's evp.

Where was i?

You just fired bob.

You know what?
You were paying
attention.

Thank you very much.
You got the job back.

Congratulations.thanks.

This is unacceptable!

Ah!

Kenan: [gasp]

Oh! Hello, everybody.

I would have
been here sooner,

But some idiot
dropped a water jug
off the building!

So, swain, where's
this bright young man
you were telling me about?

Uh...uh, this is
the president of
dim sum enterprises--

Mr. Malone.

Hey, w-what's
happening there,
mr. Malone?

Thanks
for coming by.

Go home now.
Get out of here.

What are you
doing over there?

Oh, nothing, man.
You know,
I'm just trying

To adjust
the blinds here.
See what's going on.

Was there someone
standing out on that ledge?

No, man. I didn't
see nobody, man.
You're tripping.

You're right,
mr. Malone.
I saw someone, too.

Hey! Where do
I recognize
that guy from?

Kenan!

Hey, what's up,
mr. Malone?
How's it going?

Uh, this is
the company
you own, huh?

Well, this is
very, very nice.
Very nice!

You should
be very proud
of yourself!

You remember
my friend kel,
don't you?

Aah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!

Uh, well, uh...

Ahem.

Meeting adjourned!