04x05 - Remorseless, Treacherous, Lecherous

[bunniefuu]

According to Ted,
he knocked up Rita.

It's out of it how you and Grandma
are the same, but she's hot and
you're not.

She's looking at someone
behind the camera.

So who is it?

Burt bloody Thompson.

Sorry, Ted.

Evidence is there.

It's wasn't Burt, and you know it.
A name. That's all I want.

Vern Gardener from Council. I got
a message. You look so much like—

Rita? Yeah, I get that a lot.

Ted had no idea about half
the things she loved.

Love and beauty, Mum.
That's what it's all about.

Oh, pooh, baby. You stink.

So what I have to do is connect
one thing with another thing,
then hopefully—

f*ck me dead, Mum. Look. Look!

Oh, holy crap.

Shoes, dress, make-up. Oh my God.

I have a meeting.

This is exactly like a miracle,
only creepy and disturbing.

HELLO SAILOR'S 'GUTTER BLACK'

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.'

♪ My luck in the gutter black.

♪ I guess I'm running back...

♪ ...to you.

♪ You in my brain.
You in my heart. ♪

You're late. I'm not
very good at late.

I humbly apologise.

You don't strike me as
a 'humbly' kind of a guy, Vern.

It's in the way you say it.

And whether or not the person you're
saying it to thinks you mean it,
which in this case is not really.

Well, well, well. (CHUCKLES)

Thank you for meeting me here.

Why is that?
I used to meet Rita here.

Away from prying eyes?

It was quiet.

Did you do it on this bench?

Oh, the park was a lot different
back then. This bench wasn't here.

Fair enough.

We used to go in the bushes
sometimes. They've replanted
since then.

Information overload
right there, thanks, Vern.

Well, you asked.

Have you done the
other thing I asked?

You are her.

So you keep saying.

Oh, but you are.

I'm not gonna f*ck you
in the bushes, Vern.

(CHUCKLES)

The first time I saw her, we'd just
moved in next door at Aztec Rd.

I'd seen her, this amazing woman,
but when she first saw me,

I was looking over the fence as she
was hanging out the washing in her
robe. It had fallen open.

I thought she hadn't noticed me,
and then she looked me straight
in the eye

and it seemed like the world had
gone into slow motion before she
closed it again.

I sent my men around to the premises
this morning. He did as he was asked
for the fee agreed.

Good man.

Get rid of this wallpaper.
Sheree will choose something new.

We could just paint.

No, I like wallpaper, but you
choose. And that should just about
do it for now.

So we've got the rewiring,
plumbing, rip out the kitchen,

take out the wall if it's not
load-bearing, strip wallpaper,
Sheree to choose.

Pronto.
Pron... to.

Should be sweet.
Nah, it's gonna be mint.

Yeah, it'll be nice, too,
having my boys do the business.

Real family job, eh? Here,
this should get you started.

On to it.

I want receipts.

Dennis gave me a funny look
when I asked for a receipt.

I told him to make it out as
a client consultation session.
Bro, is there an 'H' in 'session'?

Hey, do you think we
should be doing this job?

We've got bugger-all else on.

Nah, I mean, like, do you
think we should be — like, us.

Well, let me put it to you like
this: do you want to be the one
who says no to your old man?

Oh, yeah, but heaps of this stuff,
man, is way beyond anything we've
ever done before.

Do you know how to install a bog?

Oh, can't be that hard. You know,
Zion Paraha stuck worms up his nose
at school

cos Mike Jenkins said his
cock would grow. He's a plumber now.
f*ck, how hard can it be?

If we screw this up, we're not
pissing off some housewife we'll
never see again. It's gonna be Wolf.

And Sheree. She's scary, too.
Yeah.

And then, it comes time to paying
us, he's gonna rip us off.

Mum kinda said, after the whole
Jethro thing, that Dad was like
poison. Jethro said the same thing.

Since when did we listen to him?

Man, it's like Dad is gonna pull us
into the Bahama Triangle, you know?
We might never get out.

OK. Gotta respect what Mrs West
says, but bags I'm not the one to
tell him.

I thought you were
at the other Video Hut?

I was, and now I'm here.

I know that. There was nobody there.

Yeah, it's shut.
I noticed.

A guy from the Council condemned
the building. Some structural bloody
thing.

Pricks.
Still, on the upside, it was
losing me money and now it's not,

and I don't have to buy out of
the lease. Easy come, easy go.

Bloody bureaucrats, eh?

Mm, always sticking their nose in
where it's not wanted. It's a crime.

Is there something
different about you?

No. How come you're looking for me?

You owe me money.

So?

I'm forking out a shitload
of cash on my house.
So?

I've got Van and Munter ripping
the guts out of it. I need to pay
for it.

You employed Dumb and Dumber?

They'll do just fine. Come
on, girl. Time to pony up.

Well, there's grand
in the till. Help yourself.

Hilarious. I'll accept whatever you
can manage as the first in a regular
series of repayments. How's that?

Ooh, business is booming.

So, you've finished f*cking over
Jethro, now you're starting on me.

Don't speak to me like that.

Oh, pardon me for speaking up
while some bastard is robbing me.

That sh*t is nothing to do with you.

Just figuring out the family order.

I forked out a shitload of money
on you, and I intend to get it back.

Is that simple enough for you?

He's such a prick. And I don't
care if he is our father.

Yeah, so...?

Have you been shopping
all by yourself?

If he thinks he can boss me
round, he can think again.

Better luck with that than Jethro.

So, when did you learn
how to accessorise?

What gives him the f*cking right?

Nothing. Your shoes
even match your outfit.

What's his name?
What's whose name?

The guy you're dressing up for.

No guy. Just me.
You all right?

I'm f*cking furious, actually,
but thanks for asking.

Mum. Mum, Mum, Mum, Mum. Quick,
quick. It's another outfit.
Isn't it amazing?

Hey, Van.
Um, is Dad around?

No, he's down at Nicky's.

Oh. OK.

He won't be long, though,
if you wanna wait.

Nah, that's cool. I'll
just catch him later.

You can have a beer
while you're waiting.

Um, no. Thanks, though.

You wanna joint?

Well... Nah, I— I
should just get going.

You want me to give him a message?

Yes, actually. Yeah.

Could you just tell him that, um, me
and Munts have checked out the Tool
Guy stuff we've got lined up,

and we're not totally sure that
we're gonna be able to do the house.

Really?

Yeah, really. We're real busy.

OK. Wolf's not gonna be happy.

No. Well, you can tell him that
we're not happy about it, either,
but a promise is a promise,

and, uh, when you're a Tool,
you don't go back on a promise.

You're a tool?

Well, yeah, yeah, a Tool Guy. That's
what we call ourselves for short.

I think I'd stick to the
long version if I were you.

Oh yeah. (LAUGHS) Yeah.
But, whatever. It doesn't change
the promise thing, you know.

Didn't you also kinda promise
Wolf that you'd do our house?

No, not in so many, like, words.

Well, he thinks you are.

Yeah, but he just thinks whenever
he opens his big mouth, whatever he
says is gonna happen.

Look, this is the biggest job we've
had. And what if we stuff it up?

Well, what if you don't?
Yeah, but if we do one thing wrong,
then there's gonna be sh*t.

No, there won't.
Yes, there will.

Not if I get between you two.

You three, if you include Munter.

You guys will do an amazing job, and
I'll have your back the whole way.
Seriously, I'll deal with Wolf.

Yeah?

Totally.

You just gonna sit
there and hold it?

So tell your other clients
they'll have to wait, OK?

This is family.

KNOCK AT DOOR ]

Hi.

Where's your brother?

He kind of had to leave town.

(LAUGHS) What was her name?

I need you to do something for me.

Really (?) Gosh (!)

Your tame building inspector,
I need him to do an encore.
Here's the address.

This isn't a trick I can perform
on a daily basis, you know.

Vern, I am seriously worried here.

The clowns working on that place
failed woodwork at intermediate.

I didn't know you had
a social conscience.

Well, I don't like to brag about it.

And if I do this,
what do I get in return?

That nice, warm feeling,
knowing you've done a good deed.

Mm...

No. Not enough.

You're a hard man, Vern.

Yes, I am.

What have you got in mind?

You'll see.

I can think of two explanations,
but one of them is pretty out there.

Fire away.

It's a hormone thing. Because of
the baby, she's developed a sense
of taste.

What's the sensible one?

Well, that is the sensible one.

What's the other one, then?

There's a guy involved.

BOTH LAUGH

Exactly.
Oh my God.

What?
Rita used to have
a dress kinda like this.

I thought, 'What's a bitch like her
doing with a nice frock like this?'
when she wore it.

My God. You know what
this means, don't you?

It's that thing where daughters
start dressing like their mothers.

No.
Or in Loretta's case,
her grandmother.

Daughters do not dress like mothers.

Yeah, they do.
No, they don't.

You dress like me sometimes.

No, I don't.
You do a bit.

No, I don't.
Sometimes you borrow—

Mum, that doesn't happen, and that
it not what's happening here.

So, you think it's a hormone thing?

No, she has been possessed
by the spirit of Grandma Rita.

(SCOFFS)

She's turned into...

Lor-Rita.

SOFT CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS

This place OK for you?

Well, what's wrong
with the Rusty Nail?

(LAUGHS SOFTLY)

It's very... What's the
word I'm looking for?

Nice?

Secluded.

I prefer 'discreet'.

Seductive.

So, who did you tell
them I am? Your niece?

I didn't tell them you were anyone.
And why would they ask?

Did Rita bring you here?

God, no. This wasn't here back then.

No, we found other
places to... make do.

Tell me.
I thought you were allergic
to too much information?

Where did you she take you?

If Ted was around, we just found
our moments where and when we could.

Well, when she could.
I was always up for it.

I bet you were.
I was young. Young guys
are always up for it.

Oh, so when does that change, then?

When Ted was away on business,
or inside as a result of business,
it was easier.

She had places to drink all over
Auckland. Places on the sly.
(LAUGHS)

The first time I ever tried dope,
she was sitting in my lap

out the back of a panel
beater's in Symonds St.

Didn't she worry about running
into Ted or his mates?

I used to sh*t myself on a regular
basis, but no. Ted ran with
a different crowd.

Her friends turned out
to be judges, not inmates.

Or city councillors.

Or they overdosed.

No, they all loved Rita.

She was their Wicked Witch from
the West with her toy boy in tow.

Some mornings, I'd go
from the bar to school.

I'd get changed into my uniform in
the back of her car. She liked that.

I can understand that.

Well, that's the allure of it, isn't
it? Being with someone much younger.

You tell me.

It most certainly is.

So, Loretta, what is it you want?

Um...

That's not quite what I meant,
but seeing as we're there.

Draper for two, thanks.

Certainly, sir.

Ooh, this is a bit flasher
than I'm used to. Oh, sh*t.

Oh, I probably shouldn't say 'sh*t'
in a place like this, should I?

I'm sure they won't mind.

f*ck.
Well, I suppose that's OK,
as long as it's not too loud.

Holy f*ck.

That's Cheryl's girl. Oh, he's
a bit older. Is he a relative?

sh*t, no.

You choose.

Well, that's very trusting of you.

But as to what I want, it's for them
to leave me alone to get on with
things.

And 'them' would be...?

My so-called family.

Ah.

They see the world differently from
me, and they don't see me the way I
see me.

Rita had much the same problem.

I didn't think she had problems.

After she had your father,

there was a lot of pressure on her
to be a good stay-at-home mother.

Her mother — well, your
great-grandmother — she was
the bitch to end all b*tches,

but Rita just rose above it. Lived
her life the way she wanted to.

She had the same
strength of will as you.

The building inspector will call
first thing in the morning.

I'm sorry, honey. I know you
were looking forward to the flash
restaurant.

I understand why you might need to
leave after seeing the man who took
your virginity

with the -year-old—
Only just .

...daughter of your best friend.

He does like them young.

As young as , so I find out.

I was a very mature -year-old.

It so makes sense. She's always
had this thing for older guys.

You said she was a lesbian.

Yeah, lesbians who are in denial
about being lesbian often have
a thing for older guys.

Now the question remains.
Exactly.

What question?

How to tell Cheryl.

Babe, we're gonna need some more
drinks while we work on this.

Munt, you're overreacting.

No, I'm not. You're doing it.

No way, man.

I'm not doing it. I don't wanna die.

You said we should do this job.

You came back stoned and said we was
doing it after you said we weren't.

I'm saying you do the wiring cos
you'll be way better at it than me.

I haven't done wiring before.

But your brain is electrical
and mine's watery so I should do
the plumbing.

I'm shitloads better
at plumbing than you are.

Then it's time I learnt.

You wanna do it cos you
know it can't k*ll you.

I don't know that, actually. One
of the many things I don't know—

(CLEARS THROAT)

Yeah, gidday.
Yeah, can we help?

Yeah, I'm from the Council.
We need to be cool about this.

She'll go through the f*cking roof.

So we have to be cool.

Yeah, like ease her into it.

What?

You are not gonna
f*cking believe this.

PHONE RINGS

Vern.

It's happening, like you wanted.

Thank you.

You owe me another dinner.

I hope you don't expect me to cook.

(LAUGHS) Don't worry. I'll pay.

Somebody always does.

Yep, it's like he came
out of nowhere, man.

Yeah, it's like he wasn't
here, then he appeared.

Yeah, bloody clipboard Nazis.

Pricks.
Yeah. So it's hold fire, then?

No way.
But he's got all these consent
issues for you to sort.

Then we keep working
until we get them sorted.

Is that allowed?
I don't care, Van. I wanna
know what he's doing here.

He was pretty clear on the stop-work
thing. Especially about the wiring,
eh?

And since no one here's actually
qualified to do that sh*t, maybe
he's got a point.

All right. Then we get an
electrician. Call Sparky.

What?
He's called 'Sparky'
because he's an electrician.

Actually, it's because as a boy
he thought a train talked to him.

I don't bloody care. Call him.

Dad, he's insane, man.

He's also a qualified electrician
and my house needs rewiring and you
work for me. So call him.

You would not believe the f*cking
bullshit that is going down!

I might.
This whole consent process
they've got me going through!

They're picking on you.

Yeah, well, now I've gotta
pay through every pore.

Oh, that must suck.

Well, I would help, but some bastard
cleaned out the till last time he
was here.

OK, where do you keep the cash now?

And what's that got to do
with your compliance problems?

What do you know about it?

I guess you and I are having
a run of bad luck when it comes
to building inspectors.

Why would you do that to
your own f*cking family?

In this family, if you don't
stick up for yourself,

sooner or later some bastard
chokes the life out of you.

You shouldn't have done that.

You can't treat me the way you
treated my brother. So you know.

Good call.

Yeah? You think?

Oh, for sure.

Real fire risk, this.

And is that a bad thing
or a good thing?

Bad, obviously. Why would Wolf's
house burning down be a good thing?

Well — no, no, no.

Good common sense.
Good call. Let's get busy.

OK, it wasn't just me, eh?
He seemed, like, normal.

Yeah, totally.

Pfft.
BOTH: Nah.

Another meeting, eh?
Yep.

Off to see Vern?

Ooh, who's Vern? ]

A man old enough to be
her father and then some.

A man on the Council who it
makes sense to be nice to.

How nice?

Oh God. In your own way,
you're as bad as Dad.

Well, if that's the case—

I know the reason.

It's because of me.

I opened a door with Milt,
seeing past the superficial
into the inner beauty in anyone,

even if they're old and not in the
same league. But I didn't realise
that anyone could be you.

It's like in those films where every
positive force has a dark side.

Wow. You really nailed it.

Loretta!
Give it up, Mum.

Well, it's either that
or the possession thing.

Don't you know any
other restaurants?

Well, I've got a house at Muriwai,
if you feel this is too public.

That's pretty f*cking subtle, Vern.

Just putting it out there.

When I want to roll around in the
black sand, I'll let you know, OK?

No, not the black sand.

It gets everywhere
and it stings like hell.

What are you so grumpy about?

Don't worry, it's not you.

If you're anything like
Rita, when she went to w*r—

Believe me, I am.

Then I pity your foe.

SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC

Is this usual for your family?

You start over there.

Not a bad space. Good location.
Plenty of foot traffic. What's she
turning over a month?

How would I know?
Thought you might take an interest.

Can we get on with this?

All I'm saying is you could do
a lot with a space like this.

You should let me pay half.

Thank you. No, Rita always
paid. Now it's my turn.

You didn't spring for the occasional
ice cream out of your pocket money?

(CHUCKLES)

We sorted things out in other ways.

Is that what you're expecting now?

You're worth a lot more
than a couple of dinners.

You've got that right.

She almost left Ted for me
once. They'd had a huge row.

What happened?

You can't blame a boy for trying.
I begged her to come with me.
We went to a cabin —

some artist she knew up in the
Waitaks — for two glorious days
before she went back to him.

I didn't see her for
ages after that.

And then after Wolf came along
she wouldn't entertain the idea
of leaving.

She was very loyal when
it came to family.

So she kept you
hanging on for years?

She was very good at
keeping me at arm's length.

Like I am?
Like you are.

For now.

Who's that?

It's me.

Loretta.

Where have you been
out till all hours?

Just with a friend.

Do I know this friend?

No. You don't.

(WHISTLES CHEERFULLY)

You right there, boys?
Yeah, good thanks, Sparky.

Yeah, sweet as, Sparky.

Good place, this, eh? Well, I mean,
it will be once we've finished.

Yeah.

Come up real nice, I reckon.

(WHISTLES CHEERFULLY)

WHISPERS: Hey, he seems sane.
I know.

Nothing about trees
or God or the flame.

I suppose it had to happen.
What?

I guess if you're mental for most
of your life, there's nowhere to go,
except... You know.

No.

All the way back
around to sane again.

Oh.

Oh, she even walks like Rita.
You think?

It's like she's turning
into the evil cow.

Oh, so I was right.

[ It's not gonna end well.

It makes perfect sense. You know,
sometimes spirits of bitter old
people

hang around looking for some
like-minded soul to inhabit, cos
they're not ready to leave Earth.

It's true. Florida is filled
with people like that.

And on the upside, at least she
has developed a fashion sense.

DRAMATIC MUSIC

You bastard.

Everything tight, yeah?
Everything on the inside.

OK, go.

Good.

Elbows in.

You took my stuff.

What stuff's that, love?

Don't you 'love' me.

Carry on.

You know exactly what
I'm talking about.

Oh, well. You're
insured, aren't you?

Yes, of course I'm insured.

Could be a way out of your problem.

Which problem's this?

The one where you owe me money.

You claim your insurance.
I hear they pay out fast.

Then you give me the money. Part
payment. Then I see what I can do
about getting you back your DVDs.

Or I could claim the insurance and
use the money to start up another
business.

Yeah, I'm over this DVD sh*t.
There's no money in it.

There's my money in it.

You can keep the DVDs then. I can
just see it now — you getting up
early every weekend,

flogging them off at
the Avondale market.

Don't you be cheeky with me.

Or what? You'll take away my toys?
Oh, wait, you've already done that.

You need to learn some respect.

Respect? You? After the sh*t you've
pulled on Jethro? The same sh*t you
are trying on me.

You cannot bully your
way into this family.

I don't have to. I am
this f*cking family.

(SCOFFS) Right (!)

Wolfgang West, the man.

You have no idea, Dad.

It's a good word, that — 'Dad'.
'Who's your daddy?' Actually,
who is your father, Dad?

I mean, we all know
that Gary was a bastard.

But what if I told you Rita was
banging Gary's dad way before
Gary came along.

Before you were born. In fact,
significantly before you were born.

What would you say to that?

I'd say how the f*ck would you know?

Keep my stuff. Give it
back. Do what you want.

I will pay you when I'm ready.

Dad.

You know, I like plumbing, bro.

I thought fences
were your favourite.

They are, man, but plumbing's cool,

cos of the way it brings water into
the house and takes the sh*t away
from the house.

You know, I've never really
thought about it like that.

What are you doing?

Thinking about plumbing.
You want some?

Do you know how many workplace
accidents are because of dr*gs?

Not enough.
MUNTER AND VAN LAUGH

Hey, it's no laughing matter.

You're endangering lives
by smoking on a site.

Oh, Sparky, are you seriously
giving us a 'don't do dr*gs' speech?

MUNTER AND VAN LAUGH
I, of all people, know that
work and dr*gs do not mix.

That's why we're not doing
work while we have our spliff.

Do you know how many times I've
gone back to a job stoned, stuck my
finger in a light socket

just to see what it feels like?

More than once.
.

Hey, guys.

Mrs West.

Not yet, but thanks for the thought.

I was just talking to these
guys about smoking on the job.

Really?

Hand it over.

(LAUGHS)

Thought I'd give you guys a hand
and maybe do some stripping for you.

Go for it.

Cool.

Of wallpaper.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We knew that.
Yeah.

So, where do you want me to start?

Oh... start where you want, really.
Yeah. It's all gotta come off in the
end, eh.

True.

ROCK MUSIC

ENGINE REVS

Don't you give me grief as well.
I'm not in the bloody mood. Get in
the car.

I have an appointment.
At the TAB, I know. Get in.

I'll buy you a bloody drink.

Port?

Whatever you want.

TV: gets the money here.
Palone got the lead early...

Backed any winners lately?

Just get to the bloody
point, will you?

This affair that Mum had...

What about it?

The one that resulted in Gary.

I know what it bloody
resulted in, thank you.

What else do you know about it?

What do you care?

Do you know how long it went on for?

What if it went on much
longer than anyone thought?

I'd be the last to know, wouldn't I?

What if it was going
on before I was born?

Who the f*ck's giving you this idea?

It's not important.
It is to me.

Loretta. She says she knows,
but she won't say how.

So?

What does it matter? You're
no bloody son of mine, anyway.
Thanks for the drink.

For f*ck's sake, Pascalle. I am not
possessed by the spirit of my dead
grandmother.

It's not your fault. You wouldn't
have a say in the matter.

What did they do to you in America?
Were you abducted by aliens?

I met someone who was.

You would've got on well.

No. She tried to show me the marks
they left when they probed her.

Look, there is nothing wrong with
being inhabited by a dead person.

And it is much better
than the alternative.

Which is what?

That you're deliberately trying
to turn yourself into Grandma Rita.
That would just be sick and ooky.

JANE GURGLES
Oh, wow. You were not kidding
when you said it was empty.

Who the f*ck are you?

Nicky.

OK, let me rephrase that.
What the f*ck are you doing here?

Which must make you Loretta.

Pascalle.
Hi.

Don't talk to him.

This is my store,
so get the f*ck out.

Well, I was under the impression you
were the one getting the f*ck out.

(SIGHS) Wolf?

Your father said you
were leaving the business.

While you were helping
him rip off my stock?

I don't know about that.
Mm, sure (!)

I'm looking for a place to open a
bar. Somewhere to bring our friends.

This would be your boyfriends?

And I like the look of this place.

Oh, pity it's mine.

You don't own it. I checked.

Possession is % of the law.

Since when does your family
give a f*ck about the law?

Look, why don't I come back later?

Why don't you not?

Loretta, just so you know —

I work with your father, so his
-year-old daughter really doesn't
scare me a whole lot.

Hey. (CLICKS TONGUE)
JANE CRIES

See you later.

So, now you're not busy, you could
maybe help me write my TV show.

What a prick. No way does
he tell me what to do.

Yeah, he was a bit of a jerk, eh?

Not him. Dad.
Oh.

Look, can you go?
I need to sort some sh*t.

Good idea. But not
in a weird way, OK?

Go.

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

Hi, Sparky. It's Loretta West.

Hey, Loretta. What's up?

They're not gonna go away, Sparky.
They took all my stock, and now
they're making all kinds of threats.

sh*t.

Yeah, sh*t's about right.

Do I know these guys?

No. They're just some assholes who
think they can bully the little girl
out of her store.

So, uh, what do you want me to do?

I can't fight them.
They're too heavy for me.

But if I can't have my store,
I'm not gonna let them have it.

Nah.

Scorched-earth policy, Sparky.

Yeah, I don't do that
stuff any more, eh.

Oh, look, please, Sparky?

For me? One more time.

No, no, no. I walked
away from all that.

You were the best. Mr %.

You were a genius
at burning stuff down.

OK. Well, that was the old me.

Please, Sparky? Just this once?
I really need your help.

Come with me.

I don't actually do dr*gs any more.

Yeah, me neither.

Except when I'm stressed. I find
that it really helps me think,
you know what I mean?

Hey, it's cool that you
don't do that sh*t any more.

Which sh*t?

The flame.
Oh, right.

But... God, you were an artist.

If you won't do it,
will you show me how?

You don't wanna mess with the flame
if you don't know what you're doing.

Right. Oh well. It was worth a try.

(SNORTS)

Oh!

Hey, um, sorry if I made you feel
a bit awkward before. I just didn't
really know where else to turn.

Oh.

ROCK MUSIC

Oh!

Ah!

I need to talk to you.
I have to go out.

What do you know about
Rita and Burt Thompson?
Only what you know.

Why have you been telling Wolf
they had it on for years?

Can we talk about this later?

Why have you been saying
I raised a bastard?

Grandpa, it's all in the past.
Burt's dead. Rita's dead. What the
point in getting worked up about it?

Do you have to go out?

Yeah, I do.

Can you stay with me?

No, I can't.

Three nights in a row. Do you think
the staff know I'm not your niece by
now?

You actually care
what the staff think?

No, of course not.

I love the fact they think I'm a God
dining with the same beautiful young
woman three nights in a row.

Let their imaginations
fill in the rest.

DRAMATIC MUSIC

So, what's the game here, Loretta?

You tell me, Vern.

You didn't have to come out.
No more inspections.

I wanted to.
Why?

I like you.
How?

How?
In what sense?

In what sense would you like?

You know the answer to that.
Stop toying with me.

You were my grandma's toy boy.

I don't want to talk
about Rita any more.

But we have to.

Because whatever happens between
you and me, it always comes back
to Rita.

DRAMATIC MUSIC

Oh! (SNIFFS)

Oh yeah!

ELECTRICAL BUZZING

POP! POP! BANG!

BANG!

When she told you she was
pregnant, how did you feel?

I told you. I begged her to—

No, no. Not with Gary. With Wolf.

Well, I asked if it
was mine, of course.

And she said no?
She said no.

And you believed her?

Yes, I believed her.

Even though my grandmother was
the best liar either of us will
ever meet in our lives?

You didn't ask for a paternity test?

Well, that wasn't as easy back then.

She just assured you,
and you believed her?

That's how it worked. What
the woman said was what went.

Yeah, particularly when the
woman in question was Rita.

Vern, you and I need to face
the fact that you could very well
be my grandfather.

And that could be a problem, how?

(LAUGHS)

TRIUMPHANT ROCK MUSIC

WINDOW SHATTERS

CRYING ]

CRYING ]

Bugger.

The thing is, Vern, and I'm not
lying here, I could go for you in
a big way.

But I don't do incest.

(CHUCKLES) We only have the word
of a natural-born liar there.

And I don't do Rita-lite.

Every time you look at me,
you see her, don't you?

I think you're more
than holding your own.

Really?
Mm.

Who just kissed you, Vern?

I don't come second.

Ever.

I'm sorry.

(SIGHS)

House is looking good.

Well, it's looking like a disaster
area, actually, but it'll come good
soon. Boys are doing a great job.

Come have a look tomorrow?

Yep.

Not tonight.

What's the matter?

Family sh*t.

SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC

Jesus f*ck—!

Sparky!

You scared the sh*t outta me, man.

(COUGHS)

Jesus Christ, man.
What happened to you?

I tried to save them,
but there was too many.

What?

Oi. Oi.

Did you do it?
f*ck off, Van.

Did you do it?

What are you doing here?

OK, Sparky. That's good.

You. Tell them what you told me.

For Christ's sake.

You tell them about the Video Hut!

I did what you asked.

I have absolutely no idea
what you're talking about.

They'll never trace it back.

Electrical fault.
It was a thing of beauty.

Sparky, I don't know what you've
done, but I did not have anything—

It was too beautiful.
Too big. Too fast.

I was lucky to get out alive.

Which is more than I can
say for the others.
What others?

Holy sh*t.

It got too big too quick. Spread
next door. I couldn't stop it.

Oh.

What do you mean, 'Oh'?

I mean, I tried to save as many
as I could. But the flames.

As many of who?

Then the sirens started coming and
I had no choice. But I was too late.
They were gone anyway.

So I ran.

Like the scum that I am.

Into the darkness. (SOBS)

Hold on. What's next door to the
Video Hut? I thought it was empty.

A new store opened there last week.

It's a pet shop.
I noticed it when we went...

Oh my God.

[ I could hear them
screaming above the flames.

The hamsters, the rabbits.

Little p-puppies.

And the fish, boiled in their tanks.

All gone.

All gone.

You did do it.

You are evil.

What have you done?

What have I done? I stood up to Dad.
That's what I did. That is all I
did.

HELLO SAILOR'S
'GUTTER BLACK' PLAYS

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.'

MUSIC CONTINUES