I'm Mitch Stover,
International Director
of the Civilian Department Of UFOlogy.
Well, after the Air Force
terminated the Project Blue Book,
there was no formal group dedicated
to the alien and UFO phenomenon.
So in September, 1970,
I formed the Civilian
Department Of UFOlogy,
a privately-owned and operated
UFO research and investigation organization.
The C.D.U. receives over
5,000 UFO reports a year.
90% of them are misidentified
natural phenomenon,
man-made activities,
or clever hoaxes.
10% of them are unexplained,
and that's where our
UFOlogists come in.
Typically they will have a background
in math, science, or psychology,
as well as a profound desire
to volunteer their time
to investigate UFO reports.
Vic, what are you doing?
You know you could get
arrested for that.
What the f*ck is this place, Skot?
Whoo!
Come on.
Unbelievable.
What the heck is wrong with
this guy?
Uh, my name is Skot Wimby,
and I was the investigator trainee
under Vic Van Singe
on Case Number CA-163115,
otherwise known as the
Skyforest Incident.
Okay, so tell me about Vic Singe.
Oh, yeah, well, Vic is, um...
He's a very interesting guy.
And, uh, you know, he, um, well...
We're actually friends now.
Ooh.
Call Civilian Department Of UFOlogy.
Calling Civilian Department
Of UFOlogy.
Yes, hi.
My name is Skot Wimby,
I'm a trainee with your organization.
Could you look up Vic Singe,
and.. Singe.
Could you tell me if he's a registered
UFOlogist with you guys or not?
He is. Okay, good.
Well, has he ever been
arrested for anything?
Well, I'm documenting a case
we're on our way to investigate,
and I asked him to pull over
so I could get some B-Roll Shots,
and as soon as I got out of
the car, he just took off!
I, uh, first became aware of
Mr. Singe
about eight years ago
When it was brought to my attention that
a new member had taken the UFOlogist Exam
five times before finally
passing it.
Is that unusual?
It's an open-book exam you
take at home.
Okay, well,
it's been almost an hour.
Um, I'd better call a cab
before my battery dies.
Oh, wait, there he is!
Okay, I'll call you when I
get to the client's house.
Bye, Mom.
Hi, Honey, I'm home!
How did Vic Singe end up with
the Skyforest Case?
Uh, well, he certainly wasn't
my first choice for the case..
Any case, really.
But the C.D.U. 24-hour Hotline
randomly selects from a list
of investigators
that have volunteered to take
UFO reports after hours.
Regrettably...
Mr. Singe was on that list.
Who the f*ck is this?
Hi, yes, is this the UFO Hotline?
Are you f*cking kidding me?
It's 4:00 in the g*dd*mn morning.
It's been coming around for
the past few months
Watching me.
What?
The thing, the UFO.
I'm looking at it through my
window right now.
Lady, if you think there's a
UFO outside your window,
why aren't you video taping
the f*cking thing?
I don't own a video camera.
You've had a UFO watching you
for months,
an opportunity that could have
Earth-shattering historical significance,
and you don't own a g*dd*mn
video camera?
I don't want to video tape
the damn thing.
I just want it to go away.
Oh, Christ.
Please, you have to believe me.
I've tried calling the police,
but they won't take me seriously.
No sh*t.
What the hell kind of hotline
is this?
Are you gonna help me or not?
Oh, Christ.
How much do you weigh?
Excuse me?
Are you thin, fat, what?
Come on.
Well, thin to average, I guess.
Why?
Oh, God.
Okay, f*ck it.
What's your address?
Okay, I got it.
You can come back and get me now.
Come on!
Oh, surprise.
He actually came back.
Oh, looks good, Vic.
But can you pull up just a
little bit further?
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Too far, too far, too far.
Okay, back up, back up.
Never mind.
This guy's impossible to work with.
Hello.
Skot Wimby Video Diary
for the Civilian Department
Of UFOlogy,
Case Number CA-163115,
Location.. Skyforest, California.
Lead UFOlogist is Vic Van Singe,
And I, Skot Wimby, will be
doubling as the UFOlogist trainee
slash Tech Manager.
Now we're here at the
client's house,
Jessa Gwilliams,
Who.. She claims that UFOs
have been watching her
for the past several months,
and we plan to..
Oh, okay, I gotta go.
I'll talk to you soon.
Okay, bye.
Oh, Jesus. Oh, f*ck.
Hello? Mrs. Uh..
f*ck, what was it?
Mrs. Uh...
Gwilliams. Jessa Gwilliams.
Right, yeah. Mrs. Williams?
Mrs. Williams?
Hello?
It's Gwilliams.
Miss Gwilliams.
Huh?
My last name is Gwilliams
with a "G"
And I'm not married.
Okay, yeah.
I don't really give a f*ck.
I'm with the C.D.U. we talked
on the phone.
Could you take off your sunglasses?
What? Your sunglasses.
I don't like them.
Can you take them off?
Is she f*cking serious?
There, happy?
And you're gonna have to put
out that cigarette, too.
Oh, you know what, Lady?
It's been a long-a*s drive
and I really need to take a sh*t,
so either open up the g*dd*mn door
and let me use your f*cking toilet,
or I'll eviscerate your little
flower patch,
get in my f*cking car, and leave.
What'll it be?
Vic, come on.
Shut the f*ck up.
That's a girl.
Yeah.
Hey, no, no. I need some ID.
I am this close to committing
a f*cking hate crime.
Goddammit.
f*cking doesn't anybody trust
a f*cking...
There you go.
Yeah.
Are you f*cking drunk?
No.
Okay, so we've established
our client's a f*cking liar.
I am not a liar.
Bullshit.
Get out of my way.
Vic!
Like it says on the card..
Singe, Vic Singe.
This guy here, he's, uh...
What the f*ck's your name?
Uh, Skot.
Yeah, right, right.
Skot Wimpy.
He's my mildly-autistic
investigator trainee.
Wim-by. Skot Wimby.
Nice to meet you.
Okay, listen up, Everybody.
I'm about to lay a mountain
of toxicity in here.
So nobody light a match for
the next 45 minutes.
When I'm done, I want to see all
your little f*cking evidence,
okay, Babe?
Go f*ck yourself.
Oh, okay.
Here's my ID.
This is f*cking gorgeous.
You landscape this yourself?
Nothing's grown here in a while.
I mean, at least not since
I first saw the... You know.
The UFO.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
So they watch you.
What else?
Well, the last time I saw it,
I was, um..
I was looking out that window
over there and it was right here.
Yeah, is it the same UFO
that's watching you every time?
Yeah, it's always the same one.
What's it look like?
You know, it's big and it's black.
So's my f*cking c*ck.
What else?
I don't know.
Okay, did you see the g*dd*mn thing?
Yes, I saw it.
It has, um, like a..
It has a blue light that sort
of spins around the middle,
and it kind of looks like a hat.
You know,
like one of those Bowler Hats?
A f*cking hat.
Yeah.
That's the best description your
limited vocabulary can come up with?
Wow, you getting this?
Well, it doesn't look like a plane
or a blimp or a balloon
or anything else I've ever
seen before, you jerk.
What the f*ck is that?
This?
Oh, it measures uncommon
or anomalous energy signatures.
What the f*ck did you just say?
Allow me to introduce my
newest invention.
This device can distinguish
common forms of energy
found here on earth from more
uncommon signatures
produced by things like
atmospheric ionization,
negative mass, zero point energy,
and anti-gravity fields..
Types of energy specifically
associated with UFOs.
I call it the U-Meter.
I don't give a sh*t what you
call it.
It's f*cking annoying.
Look who's talking.
I heard that, b*tch.
I wasn't whispering, as*h*le.
Ooh, you wanna go?
Ooh.
Ooh, it works.
Wait, wait. What does that..
What does that mean?
Does that mean it's back?
Is that what it means?
No, no, the signal's pretty weak,
But I am definitely getting
some residual energy.
Bullshit. It's probably those
f*cking power lines
or some radioactive dinosaur sh*t.
Who the f*ck knows?
No, my device knows the difference
Between..
Your device can go f*ck itself.
Has he ever seen any evidence
that impressed him?
I don't know. This is the first
time I've ever worked with him.
You know what, Lady?
You know what would impress me?
If there was a spaceship
right the f*ck there
with little space aliens selling
space burgers at the helm.
I thought you said you had
pictures of this f*cking flying hat.
I do. Well, then,
why are you showing me dirt?
Why don't you show me some
g*dd*mn evidence?
Vic! What's wrong with you?
f*ck you!
Uh, sorry.
Strict procedure,
and a strong code of ethics
are keys to the success of
any scientific organization
in its goal to be taken seriously.
And that is why I created the
UFOlogist's Handbook.
While the primary aim of investigation
is gathering data for
scientific research,
the welfare of the witness should
be top priority for all UFOlogists.
Remember, these are people
that rely on you for answers.
Refrain from any action or attitude
that could cause a witness
concern or distress.
Vic.
Bullshit. Bullshit.
Bullshit.
f*cking bullshit.
What the f*ck? Bullshit.
Bullsh..
What the f*ck is this?
If you tell me this is your
f*cking alien,
I'm gonna punch you in the
g*dd*mn mouth.
No, I don't know how that got
in there.
Bullshit.
More bullshit.
These are not bullshit.
I took them myself, you know.
Stupid bullshit.
Oh, Jesus.
What the f*ck?
Great job.
You caught some blurry specks
in the sky and a f*cking elephant.
Look, I know how this must sound,
But I swear to God,
I'm not making this up.
And who the f*ck uses film anymore?
Get a f*cking digital.
Jesus.
Uh, Vic,
you know it's actually harder
to doctor film prints than it
is digital photos.
Oh, really?
Who the f*ck asked you, Dickwad?
And how can you afford this cabin?
It's f*cking beautiful.
Well, if you must know,
my parents left it to me when
they died.
Aww.
Am I supposed to feel bad for
you now?
Boo f*cking hoo.
Do you even have a g*dd*mn job?
Yeah, around town.
What the hell do you do?
I am an artist.
So you're unemployed?
No.
Is this one of yours?
Yes.
Wow, your sister got no arms?
You know what?
What the hell do you do?
What do I do?
Yeah, what do you do?
I'll tell you what I do.
I volunteer my precious time
to investigate bullshit claims
of out of work nut jobs who
live by themselves
in a cabin in the middle of
butt f*ck, USA,
spending unemployment checks
to get booze and get sh*t
faced every f*cking night
and hallucinate about seeing UFOs,
that's what I do.
You know what?
You got a problem?
Screw you, as*h*le.
f*ck.
You get the hell out of my house,
right now!
You know what?
I'm confused!
Do you want to f*ck me or do
you want to kick me out?
Vic!
Get out of here!
Okay, you can hit my face,
But not the camera,
not the camera! Ow!
Oh, yeah, you're fantastic.
Get that piece of sh*t car,
and get off my property before
I call the cops.
Oh, yeah, I'm sure the cops will
rush right the f*ck out here
to see what the crazy,
drunk UFO lady wants.
Wow, what a mess.
Nice work, Vic.
Wait for it.
One, two...
Three.
Wait.
Look, I don't..
I don't know who else to call, okay?
And there's something going on
here that I can't explain,
but if you stay long enough
I promise you you will see something.
I'll think about it.
But in the meantime, why don't
you be a good little mountain mama
and cook us up some vittles?
Okay, so these are the
pictures that Jessa took.
Vic flipped through them
pretty quickly earlier,
so I wanted to get a better
documentation of all of them.
Um, all right, so you can see here,
this is the hat-shaped UFO,
as Jessa describes it,
that has been watching her
for the past several months.
Very interesting, and they're
quite clear, too. That's impressive.
But it's really hard to tell
exactly what the object is.
And without any real data,
it's impossible
to be able to assess size or distance.
Um, I don't know.
Vic seems like he's already got
his mind made up about this case,
but I'd at least like to stick around
till tonight and see what happens.
Unless, of course, he says
something to get us kicked out.
Hmm.
Vic, what are you doing?
I need you over by Jessa.
Oh, it's another chick with
no arms.
Nice t*ts, though.
Very funny.
Vic, please, if you go over there,
We can actually start.
Ooh, a look into a crazy
woman's mind.
Come on, that's my sketchbook,
and I don't want your greasy
fingers all over it.
What's this?
Do you mind?
Okay, Jessa.
What? No.
We're just gonna start.
Just ignore him and he'll
join us.
So let's just start.
It looks really good.
So, go ahead.
Okay.
So the, um.. The pictures of
the UFO that I showed you?
Right, right, the flying f*cking hat.
Whatever.
I usually see it out of these
windows over here.
I see it over here a lot.
Over there?
Mm-hmm.
Wow.
Do you see it now?
No.
Is that the same direction
where you showed us outside?
Uh, no, that was in the
backyard in that direction,
but I only saw it that one time,
and I only see it that close once.
When was your last experience
in here?
What do you mean?
When was the last time I saw
the UFO?
No, when was the last time
you f*cked in here?
Vic, come on! Jeez.
What? It's a valid question.
We're in the bedroom.
Are you even a licensed investigator?
You think they give licenses
out to investigate UFOs?
The C.D.U. Was started in some
dude's garage, for Christ sake.
Well, I don't know. Listen,
it all comes down to evidence,
and everything you've been
giving us is anecdotal,
and doesn't mean sh*t.
So this Vic guy, wow.
I mean, he pees everywhere,
and every other word out of
his mouth
is "Bleep this", and "Bleep that",
and "Bleep you".
I get the idea of being a
little skeptical,
but it says very clearly in
the UFOlogist's Handbook,
the witness must be allowed
to recount everything they've seen
without interruption in order
to best insure
the opportunity for a full account.
Buy, hey, I understand.
This field of work can be
really frustrating.
I mean, the Roswell Case was what,
70 years ago?
And what proof do we have
today that aliens are real?
Nada. 70 years.
Man, thousands,
if you believe some people.
This is my 13th case in two years,
and every single one of them
has turned up nothing.
All of them..
Either a hoax,
misidentified natural phenomenon,
or an identified flying object.
I just wish that at some point,
one of these will turn up
something authentic.
Well, I need to go and get
set up
for my first night of investigating.
So wish me luck.
All right, I've been out here
a little while now
and haven't really seen anything,
just the occasional airplane,
helicopter, or sometimes even
a satellite.
It's nice out here, though.
Very isolated.
I can definitely see how someone
might start imagining things,
with or without alcohol.
Oh, gosh, Vic.
He's asleep.
Didn't even bother to come
out and investigate with me.
He just thinks Jessa's a
lonely woman
with a drinking problem.
Maybe he's right.
For the record, I really do
believe in this stuff.
I joined the C.D.U. because I really,
really want to see a UFO with
my own eyes,
or better yet, meet an actual alien.
If you're out there watching,
listening to me right now,
just know that I would really
like to meet you,
and then you don't have to be afraid.
Okay.
Well...
You know where to find me.
So I just heard Jessa scream.
I think.
I guess I have to..
Yeah, I'll go check it out.
Getting some weird interference.
Whoa, what was that?
Jessa?
Jessa, are you in here?
Vic, are you awake?
Shut the f*ck up!
I'm trying to sleep down here!
Jessa's not in her room.
Do you know where she is?
I don't know, on a booze run?
How the f*ck should I know?
What the.. Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Vic, get up here right now!
Something just happened!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
What the f*ck are you two
doing up here?
I just saw Jessa!
I saw.. Jessa was floating!
Jessa was floating!
Bullshit.
No! No, tell him, Jessa. Tell..
Four... Little... Things.
Things? What things? What?
There's cats. Cat.
Cats?
Did she says "Cats" or "Hats"?
There's a cat..
Something grabbed my arm,
and I started rising up,
and I felt like I couldn't..
Okay, which arm?
Um, my left one, I think.
Okay, can you pull your sleeve back?
Whoa, what is that?
What is that?
Why the f*ck are you pulling
that sh*t out?
All right, it's just a light.
I just want to check something.
No, no, no, no!
Get it away from me!
Okay, okay.
How about if you take it?
You take it, and just shine
it on your arm
Where you think they grabbed you.
Oh, my God, what is that?
Fingerprints.
So they were in here.
They were..
They were in here.
They were a nightmare,
Just like the one I'm gonna have
After seeing you without makeup.
Shut up, Vic.
Wait, are you..
Vic, seriously?
What? I sleep naked.
Who gives a f*ck?
Ugh!
Okay, sorry if I'm a little jumpy.
I don't even know.
I'm just trying to wrap my
mind around what I just saw.
I am pretty certain that
I just walked in
on Jessa being abducted.
She also said something about..
About seeing these cats, like,
four cats.
But I don't know, 'cause
I've read that aliens
can replace the image of what people
are seeing when they abduct them.
So, owls are the most common imagery,
but Jessa said that she saw...
Cats.
Creepy.
I.. Oh, gosh,
I can't shake the feeling
that I'm being watched.
And not just from one direction,
but from everywhere.
Anyway, I think there might
actually be something
to this case after all,
and it's only the first night.
Well, gosh, it's late.
I should really try and get
some sleep.
I don't know if I'll be able
to after that, though.
So Vic wants to leave.
He thinks Jessa's crazy.
I get it, but he didn't see
what I saw last night.
You know what? No, no.
We can't go, not yet.
I mean, because something is
definitely going on here.
I mean, these aliens, they
wouldn't just show up on cue
like this is some movie or tv show.
We need to be patient.
And Jessa even promised..
Not said, but promised
That if we wait long enough,
we'll definitely see something.
And I already have in one night!
So I think if Vic just waits
a little more,
then he'll see something, too,
and it'll change everything.
You know what? Yeah.
I'm gonna go see if I can't
convince him to stay
Just a little longer.
Okay, okay, so...
So vic said he'd stay for one
more day.
So I just had to agree to
video tape these rehearsals
for an air guitar contest that
he's competing in next month,
Whatever that is.
What?
Oh, f*ck. Come on.
What is that?
You stay away from me, you assholes!
Oh, my gosh.
Yo, psycho-holic, what the..
Whoa!
Oh, my gosh!
sh*t. Sorry.
You almost shot me, you crazy b*tch!
I saw them again right over there.
f*ck you! f*ck this!
Come on,
let's f*cking get out of here.
I'm fine, Vic, thanks.
Please.
No way, the case is closed.
I'm filing it under "B" for "Bullshit."
But you can't go.
You can't go.
I need you guys.
I need you.
Not to mention this..
You almost shot off the king
of genitalia.
I said I was sorry, but I saw them!
I saw them!
They were right there.
Yeah, yeah, maybe you did and
maybe you didn't,
but no wonder nobody believes you.
You completely discredit yourself,
you drunken wh*re.
Hey! Hey, you have no idea
what it's like!
No idea!
If I didn't do something..
If I didn't do something to
numb myself,
I would have k*lled myself by now.
Nah, too easy.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
Don't you get it?
Don't you get it?
They want you guys to leave.
They want you to leave so that
they can take me.
Have a nice trip. Drive.
Thanks for the sandwiches, Miss Gwilliams.
Ha, ha, ha!
Look at that sh*t.
Vic, come on.
Toodleoo!
Wow, that's just kind of sad.
Shut the f*ck up.
Yeah, it's on, but why don't you
Just let me sh**t..
I got it, come on.
Where is it? I don't see it.
Right there.
It was kind of moving in and
out of the clouds.
I swear to Christ, it was following us.
Oh, wow, I see it.
f*ck me if it does kinda look
like a g*dd*mn hat.
Vic, are you sure you're recording?
Is the red light on?
Yeah, but.. Son of a..
What's wrong with the focus
on this piece of sh*t?
No! It's on manual!
Here, let me.
Hurry up, focus it!
Whoa!
Jesus!
Vic, did we just..
Yeah, I think we just f*cking did.
I guess this means we have to
go back to Jessa's.
The red light's on.
What the f*ck?
God damn.
Note to Skot,
next time I want my own
f*cking camera
that I can just point and sh**t.
None of this manual focus and
Iris sh*t. Got it?
This camera isn't that hard
to use.
f*ck you.
Hello! Anybody home?
Alcohol Delivery Man.
Free Xanax samples!
Ooh.
Oh, Vic, Vic, I really don't think
We should be sneaking in the
house of a drunk woman
who had a g*n the last time
we saw her.
Stop being such a p*ssy.
She's probably passed out somewhere.
Jeez.
Got a little whiny baby on
our hands.
Ooh. Yeah.
Ahh!
Where the f*ck is she?
Oh, just like I said.
She got a nice a*s.
Vic, what are you doing?
Shut the f*ck up.
Is it still considered r*pe
if I yell "Surprise"?
Vic.
Stop, stop, stop.
Shut the f*ck up.
You're recording, right, Baby?
Yeah, but I really don't
think we should..
Oh, Jesus!
No! Go away! Go away!
Calm the f*ck down! Jesus!
Calm down, calm down.
Go away, go away!
Stop it, Goddammit!
Stop, stop.
Get a hold of yourself.
Jesus.
Yeah.
It's you.
I thought you guys left.
Yeah, and like Jesus,
we came back. f*ck.
Hey, Jessa.
Why? You miss making fun of me?
No, I could have done that on
the phone.
We came back because we saw
your U.F.F.H.
My what?
Unidentified f*cking flying hat.
Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
What are you saying?
That's right, I'm saying I
believe you, you crazy b*tch.
You saw it?
Yeah.
You saw it? It's real?
It's real? Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
I'm not losing my mind.
Let's not get ahead of our
f*cking selves.
I need a beer.
Get this.
We're heading down the mountain,
and Vic and I had a close
encounter of the first kind.
Can you believe it?
After two years of doing this,
I finally saw my very first UFO.
The only draw back is I let
Vic run the camera.
He screwed..
It doesn't matter,
it doesn't matter, because I
will never forget what I saw.
I mean, I know the truth now.
We're not alone.
Wow. Oh, and the really good news
is Vic is totally in on this
case now.
One last thought.
Having the answer to one of
humanity's greatest questions
is actually kind of scary,
because I feel like they know
that I know.
Maybe they'll come and visit
me now.
Maybe even abduct me.
Fingers crossed.
July 14th was the first time
I became aware of the
Skyforest Case.
Actually, it was the morning
of July 15th..
Very early in the morning.
I still have no idea how Mr. Singe
got ahold of my private home
phone number.
Yeah, she went on a drunken rage,
started sh**ting at the sky
and sh*t,
so I got the f*ck out of dodge.
Oh, jeez.
And that's when
I saw the UFO on Highway 18.
Wait, what is this, a joke?
No it's not a f*cking joke.
Both skot and I saw the
g*dd*mn thing.
Okay, well.. Well, listen,
can this wait until morning?
No, I need equipment right
the f*ck now.
Uh, what kind of equipment?
Uh, well, for starters,
I'd like to canvas this whole
f*cking town
with an army of cameras that
run all day and night.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Just hold it right there, Son.
What?
This is a private organization.
We don't the financial resources
for something like that.
Are you f*cking serious?
This is the whole reason your g*dd*mn
organization even f*cking started!
Well, yeah, yeah, but..
Okay, fine, listen,
why don't you send me a video
of the UFO you captured.
Then we can take it from
there, okay?
Of course you'd f*cking ask
me that.
What?
Well, the camera f*cked up
and the footage is out of focus.
Hmm. I see.
No, obviously you don't
f*cking see, as*h*le.
What?
You know what?
f*ck this, and f*ck you, too.
I'll finish this investigation
by myself.
I approved your investigation..
Bon f*cking voyage!
Hello? Hello?
In light of subsequent events,
I have been greatly criticized
by the UFO Community
for failing to provide more
support for Mister Singe.
In my defense,
we receive hundreds of reports
each month of UFO sightings.
Unfortunately, we're a
private organization,
and simply do not have the funds
to provide support to all of them,
especially to the ones that
do not submit
case assessment reports
prior to the start of their investigation.
Okay.
Well...
You know where to find me.
Dang it, where did..
He was just here.
Oh, hey, Vic.
Why are you always peeing outside?
Why don't you go in the house
like a civilized person?
This was closer, Dickweed.
I got you the camera you wanted.
It's real simple.
I got to do any focusing or
Iris sh*t?
No, but you do have to turn
it on.
Watch it, Smartass,
or the next place
I take a piss is gonna be on
your f*cking face.
So I gave Vic one of my simple
cameras to use
to capture any UFO activity
he might come across up here.
I had to push the f*cking button.
How the f*ck do I know if it's on?
Skot!
But of course,
what does he use it for?
What the f*ck?
You scared the sh*t out of me.
Serves you right, you son of a b*tch.
What the hell do you want?
I don't know. I just didn't
like it in my room very much.
You know when you speak, it's the
verbal equivalent of vaginal flatulence?
That's very funny.
Oh, my God.
So...
Do they really call you the
Finger Master?
What the f*ck are you doing?
What do you think I'm doing?
I don't know. I asked you.
I'm trying to seduce you,
you stupid idiot.
I thought you hated me.
I do.
But I also haven't had sex in,
like, two years.
No sh*t?
No sh*t.
Well, okay, let's see the goods.
So what do you say?
Yeah, what the f*ck?
Yeah.
Ooh, is that thing on?
No.
Get over here.
So I think Vic is having...
Relations with Jessa.
That's so unprofessional.
"Personal relationships between
UFOlogists and witnesses
are not recommended,
as they may taint the investigation
and compromise its validity."
It's 4:04 in the morning,
and my U-Meter just started
going off.
Whoa! Look at that.
That's definitely the same UFO
Vic and I saw three days ago.
Whoa!
A little red light just shot
out of it!
Weird. I feel like it's watching me.
What is that? Oh, my gosh!
Oh, I gotta tell Vic!
I gotta.. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, I can't believe it.
I can't believe it.
I've seen the same UFO a
second time.
A second time.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
Vic, guess what I just saw.
What?
What the heck am I looking at?
Vic! Vic!
What?
The f*ck?
What the f*ck is that?
It came out of the UFO.
Get it! Get it, Vic!
Get the f*ck away from her!
f*ck. Jesus.
What the f*ck was that?
I don't know.
Vic?
Look at Jessa.
What?
She didn't even wake up.
Is she okay?
Hey, wake up.
Yo, Sleeping Ugly,
wake the f*ck up.
Were you guys drinking?
Yoo-hoo!
Is she asleep or passed out?
Wake up.
Maybe..
Maybe we should call 911.
Naw, I got it.
Ow!
Aah! The f*ck?
Guys, Guys!
Oh, my God, what is that thing?
It's an orb.
Always heard about them,
but that's the first time
I've ever seen one.
They were talking about 'em
on "Coast To Coast" last week.
Hey, I heard that one, too.
The guy said that there were
two kinds.
Yeah, blue and red.
Yep.
Blue orbs are how aliens
travel in energy form,
and red orbs are like probes
or drones.
Drones?
Like what the military uses.
Remote Observation Devices.
So they are watching me.
Why? Vic?
What, no smartass comment this time?
Vic, are you all right?
That was the first time
I'd ever known Vic to be speechless.
I mean, not even an f-b*mb.
That actually kind of creeped
me out more than anything else.
Well, except maybe for seeing
him naked...
Twice.
I don't remember if I was
f*cking speechless or not,
but I do remember that that's
when things
became real f*cking clear
that some real f*cking sh*t
was afoot
in Sky f*cking Forest.
That's what I remember.
Yet another crazy night.
I just had a close encounter
of the first and second kind.
Oh, my God. So first,
I saw Jessa's UFO again, you know,
the same one Vic and I saw earlier.
And then I ran downstairs to
tell Vic about it,
and there it was in his room..
A red orb.
I didn't even know what to do.
I couldn't comprehend what
I was seeing.
It was definitely otherworldly
and it was crazy,
it messed with my camera.
And I could see it, and feel it,
and then all of a sudden, whoosh,
it was gone out the window.
And the window was closed.
Anyway, my U-Meter is getting
such a workout.
I mean, the more data that it collects,
the more accurate it gets.
And it is such a good thing
that we are here,
because those aliens are definitely
interested in Jessa for
whatever reason.
It's just up to us to try and
figure out why.
Okay.
So I was on my way to the bathroom
and I ran into Jessa.
She's just standing in the hallway.
Here, come here.
There she is.
It's like she's in some kind
of trance or something.
Jessa?
Jessa?
Are you okay?
Jessa, can you hear me?
Don't take my baby.
What?
Take my baby.
Don't take my baby.
Don't take my baby.
Jessa?
Je..
Aah!
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
You scared me.
You scared me!
Wait.
Did you give me this?
What?
This.
Is that an elephant?
No, no, I've never seen that
before in my life.
Huh.
Things appear and disappear
around here all the time.
Weird.
Jessa, are you okay?
Something's wrong, Vic.
Upstairs.
The f*ck is it now?
Oh, my gosh.
What the f*ck?
Stop that! Stop!
There's something back there.
Stop picking at it.
Let me take a look.
Jesus Christ, you Freddie Kruegered
the sh*t out of the back of
your ear.
What is it?
There's something under the skin.
Is it an implant?
A what?
Before we jump to conclusions,
we should probably have
somebody take a look at it.
You have a doctor around here?
Yeah, there's one up..
What was that?
Holy sh*t, take a look at that.
The radio blew up.
Rock and roll.
What would make it do that?
Yeah, there's the culprit
right there.
Definitely a foreign body
behind the left ear.
What is it?
Normally, I'd say it's some
shrapnel you picked up
while working in the kitchen
or out in the yard.
Then I found this in your file.
It's an X-Ray my dad took when
you were 10 years old.
Same object, same place.
Oh, my God, it's been in
there all this time?
Apparently, your mother...
Brought you in because you
were complaining
about a bee sting behind your
left ear.
He thought it might be
something more,
so he took an X-Ray just to
be sure.
Found a piece of metal behind
your left ear
and had it removed.
Any of that ring a bell?
No, I don't remember any of that.
What happened to the piece of metal?
Um, doesn't say.
Probably just tossed it.
Can you take this one out?
Sure, I don't see why not.
No. No, I don't want to.
Why the f*ck not?
This could be the evidence we need.
I don't know.
I'm not supposed to.
Says who?
Evidence for what?
What was that?
Look at that.
Well, everything looks kind
of normal here.
Your electrolytes are
unusually low.
What? What is it?
Jessa, you're pregnant.
What?
I thought you said you were
on the f*cking pill?
No, well.
Think, McFly! Anybody home?
Stop.
Are you on the f*cking pill
or not?
Calm down, calm down.
That's not possible.
Now this kind of news can make
for some tense moments
with unsuspecting young couples.
We're not a f*cking couple.
Congratulations, Guys.
f*ck you!
And f*ck you, too.
I want a second opinion from
a real doctor.
I can assure you, Son,
that a blood test is 100% accurate.
f*ck me.
Well, if you'd have done that,
then she wouldn't have gotten
pregnant then, huh?
Ha ha.
Real f*cking funny.
I don't understand. Your..
Your father told me when I was 16,
in this very room,
that I was infertile and that
I could never have children.
According to your "HGC" levels,
I'd say you're somewhere between
9 and 12 weeks along.
What?
Mm-hmm.
Weeks? Plural?
That's right.
So since she and I just started
f*cking a few days ago,
there's no way this kid could
be mine, right?
No, that doesn't..
Under the circumstances, no.
Ha ha! I knew it.
Woo-hoo!
Yeah!
Please, that doesn't make any sense.
Vic, will you please shut up?
What? This is great news.
Maybe for you.
How could I not know that
I was pregnant?
Well, your periods have always
been irregular,
so it's no wonder you missed it.
Not to mention all the drinking.
I swear to god, Vic, shut up.
What? It's a great thing we
came in here
or you could have had a baby
in the toilet or something.
Oh, my God. What? This sh*t
happens all the time, right, Doc?
Under the circumstances,
I'd like to take you
down to county and get an ultrasound,
so we can get a more accurate..
No, no, no!
You know I hate hospitals.
You know that.
And I don't care what your
test says,
I am not pregnant.
And would you please stop pointing
that g*dd*mn thing at me?
Get out of the way.
Sorry, Jessa.
My thoughts on the discovery
at the hospital?
Well, the X-Ray is nice,
but the implant itself would
have been immensely valuable.
Beyond that, the only other
positive discovery,
not to dishonor Miss Gwilliams
in any way,
is that there will be no
offspring from mister singe.
Would you please stop?
Thank you.
Uh, Jessa, you mind if I ask
you a few questions
about what happened at the doctor's?
Yes, Skot,
I don't want to talk about it.
I just.. I just need some
time to process it.
If I knew you were gonna be
video taping me
every g*dd*mn minute of my life,
I wouldn't have brought you.
I'm just trying to be thorough.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What the f*ck are you doing?
What, the person that drives
rules the radio.
Not where I come from.
Well, where I come from, it does.
I don't give a f*ck where you
come from
or what the f*ck people do there.
How old are you?
I'm this many.
Uh-huhr.
Oh, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.
Oh, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.
What's happening? Oh, f*ck.
Oh, Christ.
Don't tell me you just ran
out of f*cking gas.
How could I run out of gas?
It's your car.
sh*t. sh*t.
Wait, wait, wait.
Why are we on this road?
I don't know.
You're the one f*cking driving.
No, no, no.
This isn't the way to my house.
We shouldn't be on this road.
Shh, listen.
sh*t, Vic, it's not funny.
We shouldn't be on this road.
We shouldn't be here.
We should not be here.
You guys have to do something.
You have to do something,
You have to get me out of here.
Weird.
Jessa? You okay?
You okay?
Hey, Jim.
No, my car just died.
Just?
Yeah.
I got a call describing this
car in this very location
about an hour and a half ago.
What?
Hour and a half?
Them pesky aliens bothering
you again, Jessa?
That's not funny, Jim.
8:41?
That can't be right.
No, it's not right.
Son, what's with the camera?
Oh, this camera?
Well, see, I'm with the civilian..
We're investigating a possible..
What's going on here?
Y'all making a porno or something?
Oh, Jim, come on.
No, no.
I wish.
You know me better than that.
All right, I'm gonna need you all
to exit the vehicle right now.
Son, turn the camera off,
get your butt out here.
Let's go. Camera off.
Jim.
So, one second Jessa is
freaking out,
and then the next the police officer
is shining his light in the car.
So we left the doctor's office
at 6:15,
and Jessa's house is only
20 minutes away.
And it's one road,
so somehow she gets lost?
You know I've heard that
aliens will often
direct people off into a
secluded place
when they want to abduct them.
But then, get this,
it was suddenly 8:41.
6:15 to 8:41.
We lost two hours.
So I called the Skyforest
Police Department
to try and speak to the
deputy who found us.
He's not returning my phone calls.
It's really frustrating.
We should not be here!
Calm down!
You guys have to get me out
of here!
Calm down!
Get me out of here!
We shouldn't be on this road.
We shouldn't be here.
We should not be here.
You guys have to do something.
You have to do something.
You have to get me out of here.
So, in your words,
What do you think happened?
Well, again, I was there.
I know what happened.
Jessa was abducted.
If you don't f*cking believe it,
then first of all, go f*ck yourself.
But second of all,
we later found out the reason
Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane
or whatever the f*ck his name
was left in such a hurry
was because there was a
shitload of police activity
going down that night across
several counties,
completely backing up what
happened to us,
which I'm sure you want to
show everyone,
so, Bill, back to you in the studio.
Uh, we just received a call
from Cedar Glen.
Apparently an officer there
witnessed a flying object
over the vicinity of Skyforest.
Did you say, "Flying Object"?
Affirmative.
They described it as being
dome-shaped, rather large,
no illumination,
and it was last seen
moving west parallel to
Highway 18.
I'm right there.
I'll have a look around.
Be advised, I see something
coming over the trees now.
What is that thing?
Oh, my g..
Officer?
Officer, do you read?
My vehicle just went haywire
on me!
What do you think it is?
The hell if I know.
Never seen anything like that
in my life.
Okay, I'm really freaked out
right now.
Better call Edwards,
then contact Arrowhead P.D.
Their guys should be able to
see this thing by now.
25-50, I see something to the south,
but I couldn't tell you what
it is.
Well, what's it doing now?
It's moving west,
straight for Twin Peaks.
Yeah, I see something approaching.
Could be a blimp, maybe.
Oh, hold on. Something..
There's some kind of blue
light on the bottom.
Whoa! Holy shinola!
That thing just shot up like
a bat outta hell!
Right up into the sky!
Oh, boy, here we go.
"In the event of a witness
claiming missing time,
the use of regression hypnosis
has become a significant tool
of UFOlogy,
but should only be conducted
by a medically-trained practitioner."
I just left a message
with a Hypnotic Regression Specialist,
Doctor Felinda Wasco,
to see if she'll come help us
try and figure out what happened.
I think there's something on
the roof.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, no.
I think it's outside the door.
Oh, God.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God. Oh, no.
I'm pretty sure that an alien
was just in my room,
and I'm embarrassed to say
that I got scared.
God, I'm so stupid.
I had a chance to finally see
one and..
What was I thinking?
I guess the realization that
they're real,
that they're actually real
and were right here in my room..
Oh, God, the thought of it
even now
just freaks me out.
I hope they come back.
I hope they give me another chance
and come back.
Son of a b*tch!
Why the f*ck didn't you tell
me you called her, Man?
You guys were, you know,
in the bedroom.
What the f*ck did you say?
Did you tell her I was here?
Yeah, I told her I was
assisting you on a case.
Did she say anything?
She seemed to know who you were
as soon as I mentioned your name,
she asked for the address and
said she'd be right up.
f*ck!
Who is that?
Are you guys expecting someone?
No.
What's going on Vic?
Thanks to Skot.
Well, how was I supposed to know?
Do me a favor, will you?
Do not mention that you and
I are f*cking, okay?
Why?
It's complicated.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.
Is this woman your girlfriend
or something?
No, no, no, it's just..
What the hell is going on?
Calm down.
Well, if it ain't Houdini him self!
Heh.
Hey, Fendy.
Ah, so this is where your
hairy a*s disappeared to.
Yeah.
Hmm.
Well, I know we ain't
exclusive yet, Hon,
but you can return a damn
phone call, can't you?
Well, I've been working on a
f*cking case.
I don't give a rat's a*s about
some sorry-a*s case.
I ain't some toilet you do
your business in and leave.
I done gave you the most precious
gift a woman could ever give a man.
Can we talk about this later,
for f*ck's sake?
I'm driving, and the car just dies.
It just dies, and that's when
I get really scared.
And what are you scared of, Baby?
The takers.
That's what you call 'em?
Mm-hmm.
So this isn't the first time
they've come for you?
Unh-uh.
They've come for me lots of times.
I'm paralyzed. I can't move,
I can't move and I'm going up.
Oh, God, I feel dizzy.
There's something in the clouds.
It's really big, like a house,
and there's this bright blue
light shining underneath.
And there's no door or anything.
It's just glowing, and I just
pass right through it,
I just pass right through it.
And I don't.. I don't..
God, I hate this place.
I don't want to be here.
I don't want to be here.
So you've been here before?
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Lots of times.
They put me on a table in a room
that has all these shelves
and these, um, instruments.
(Muttering)
What are up to now, Girl?
They keep..
The little ones keep trying
to take my clothes off,
and I tell him that I don't
want to.
But they keep telling me to relax,
that everything's gonna be fine,
everything's gonna be fine.
Oh, sh*t.
The tall one is here.
He's so tall he has to crouch
down to get through the door.
It's William.
William?
Mm-hmm.
He wants to know if I like
the picture.
I don't know what he's talking..
Oh. The elephant.
He knows how much I like elephants.
Okay, now that's f*cking weird.
So you've known william for a while?
Mm-hmm.
I guess I forgot, but I remember.
I know him.
I've known him my whole life.
Can you describe william to
me a little bit?
He kind of looks like us..
Human...
But more like them.
Grayish white skin,
Eyes black.
Early stage hybrid.
He sits to my right and
touches my head
and looks into my eyes.
I mean, he's like...
Right here.
"Reports suggest that aliens have
the rather disturbing ability
to control humans
using a mind-scan procedure.
By looking directly into an
abductee's eyes,
the alien joins with their
neural pathway,
making them think, feel,
visualize, remember,
or do whatever they want."
Are you frightened when he
looks in your eyes?
At first, yeah,
but then, no.
His eyes are so... Deep.
When I look in them, I feel better.
I'm here to help him.
I want to help him.
Do you have feelings for William?
Yes.
He has feelings for me.
Wait.
Wait, he's..
He's doing something,
I'm seeing something in my head.
Seven children, different ages..
They all look like him.
They all look like me, too.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God,
he's showing me our children.
I'm begging him and I'm
begging him
not to take my baby this time
and let me keep this one,
but he says no.
He says, no, that all of the
babies belong to him
and so do I.
I can feel him inside me now.
Whoa, is this as*h*le f*cking you?
No, it's an instrument.
He's examining you?
Uh-huh.
But something's really wrong.
He's usually very sweet,
but he's.. He's really upset.
He's really upset. I've never
felt this from him before.
He's jealous.
Why is William jealous?
Oh, my God, he's really angry
with me.
He's really mad. I've never
seen him like this before.
You're gonna have to get me
out of here.
I gotta get out of here.
You have to get me out of here.
We have to get out.
We have to get out.
You have to get me out!
You are calming down.
I can't, I can't.
My hand is on your forehead
and you are calming down.
Now why is William so upset?
He doesn't want me having sex
with Vic anymore.
He says if I don't stop..
Ooh!
I knew it! I knew it!
I knew it! I knew it!
Say sayonara to this here
magic p*ssy, as*h*le,
because the best friend your
d*ck ever had
has closed up for business,
you cheating-a*s son of a b*tch!
f*ck you.
Drove my a*s up here
for two f*cking hours,
and he's up here cheating...
f*ck off.
Get that country-a*s b*tch
off my table!
Okay.
Jessa, are you all right?
I'm not crazy.
I'm not crazy.
"Recalling abduction memories
can be both dangerous and difficult,
because abductees aren't
supposed to remember
what happened to them.
The purpose is to keep the
abduction program a secret,
and this method has been
extremely successful...
For the aliens,
but often traumatic for their subjects."
Hey, Jessa?
Can you talk about how you're feeling?
Alone.
Terrified.
Falling apart.
You know, I always knew that there
were gaps of time missing from my life.
You know, like...
I guess I just learned to
accept it.
What was the earliest recollection
You have of them coming for you?
I don't really remember them...
So much as the fear...
Being deathly afraid of the dark.
I remember monsters
Coming to visit my room at night.
But my parents didn't take me seriously.
They just said I had an over
active imagination.
My friends made fun of me.
So I learned not to talk about
what was happening to me.
Like what?
Um, I was 16...
And I.. I woke up out in the yard.
I don't know, it was like,
four in the morning
and all the doors and windows
were locked.
I just remember feeling so hopeless,
because I knew I had no
acceptable explanation
for how I got there.
So when I finally did ring
the doorbell,
my mom answered the door,
and she was upset, of course.
She thought I had snuck out
to meet a boy.
God, how I wish that were true.
So I told her I was
sleepwalking or something,
and she didn't believe me,
so I was grounded for weeks.
I guess I just accepted it
like it was normal.
But I knew when I asked the
other kids at school...
This wasn't happening to them.
They were sleeping through
the night peacefully.
Why?
Why did they have to pick me?
Where is all this damn candy
coming from?
Sorry.
After Jessa's Hypnotic Regression,
she made all these sketches.
These are things that she believes
have been happening to her
since she was a kid.
Look at that.
If they really are her memories,
then she has actually been
inside a UFO.
I wish they'd take me into
their ship.
It must be so cool.
There's William.
Definitely looks like an
alien-human hybrid..
Early stage, judging by the abnormally
long limbs and bizarre features.
Don't think I want to meet
this guy.
The Grays are very clinical,
and they have no emotion.
They act according to a
well-defined hierarchy,
and they're considered more
professional, predictable.
The hybrids, on the other hand,
we do not know much about,
but we do know they experience emotion
the way the Grays do not.
They've been known to laugh, cry,
appear sad, angry, happy,
and so forth.. Jealous.
In essence, it's their very humanness
that makes them unpredictable.
Which begs the question,
are they the monsters
or are we?
Yo, any idea how much longer
you're gonna be depressed?
f*ck.
Went and got you a couple things.
Got you a book..
"How to defend yourself
against alien abductions."
Right.
Ta-da!
Come on, you know how much it
is against Vic Singe's Code
to buy pink sh*t.
Give me a smile, would you?
Unh, unh! Yeah!
That's my girl.
What the f*ck are you doing?
I'm just trying to document
What Jessa's going through.
Well, document this
with a little "f*ck You" sauce.
No, wait, wait. Vic!
Vic, wait.
I think what's happening to
her is amazing.
I mean, why do you think I
joined the C.D.U.?
I would give anything to meet
an alien face to face,
to know without a doubt that
they exist.
I think she's lucky.
Lucky?
Lucky?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
These are not the friendly
little E.T.'s
you fell in love with as a
kid, Skot.
These are monsters.
These are monsters that have
been stealing me,
stealing my body and moments
of my life
that I didn't even know
existed until a few days ago.
And look at me.
Look at me, they're using me,
my body, like some kind of
g*dd*mn incubator
for God knows what.
And I am barely human anymore.
You think I'm lucky, Skot?
I'm sorry, Jessa.
I didn't mean to upset you.
Think about it.
Use your brain.
How long have we known about
aliens, huh?
How long?
If they were really here to
help us,
they would have done it by now.
Yeah, I guess I see what you mean.
No, you don't see.
You don't see, Skot.
That's your problem.
You don't see that they are sneaky,
and they are selfish,
and they are using us to help themselves.
Was, uh..
Did you document that, Dumbass?
Shut up.
I consider Miss Gwilliams
to be a victim in all this.
What he did was undeniably inappropriate
and against the code of ethics
outlined in the UFOlogist's Handbook.
That's all you have to say
about their relationship?
If you're asking me to answer
from a position of empathy,
yes, I find the out come of
the events at Skyforest
to be truly saddening.
And unlikely as it may seem,
it appears that Mister Singe
developed genuine feelings
for Miss Gwilliams.
Even more unlikely,
she developed feelings for him.
You know, I never really
understood the horrors
of what Jessa's been going
through until now.
I think it finally just hit me
that what's happening to her
and to us is real,
and not in some miraculous way.
This isn't a game or a fun
little adventure.
A person's life and well-being
are at stake here.
I mean, these aliens are using
this poor woman's body
to grow babies,
and then just taking them.
And even though they've been
erasing her memories
of all these experiences,
I think still somehow she knows.
And that is what has tortured
her all her life.
I'm starting to think that
more qualified people
Should be here helping her.
You know, the world really needs
to start taking this stuff seriously
and pressure the government
to do something about it
to help protect people like Jessa.
But I guess that's the problem.
You tell anyone about this stuff,
the police, the government,
and they just think you're crazy.
Or maybe..
Maybe they don't do anything
because they know they can't control
technologically superior beings.
Whoa. The dogs are barking again.
The dogs are really barking.
I think there's something out there.
Oh, they're back.
Okay, okay, don't be afraid.
This isn't about you anymore.
This is about Jessa.
If it's a Gray, maybe I can
convince them to leave her alone.
Maybe I can reason with them.
Okay. Here goes.
Really?
Yeah! Whoo!
Whoa.
What the heck?
Oh, jeez.
Why am I doing this alone?
Why am I doing this alone?
Hello?
Where did you go?
Little Buddy?
Oh, jeez.
Hello?
Oh, my God, I just saw it!
I just saw it!
There was a freaking alien
right there!
Holy moly!
This is nuts!
I can't believe I'm chasing after
a real live extraterrestrial!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Where'd you go?
Whoa. What was that?
This is crazy.
This is crazy.
I can't believe this is happening.
Hello?
Hello?
I got you now.
Jeez. Jerk!
What.. Oh, my gosh.
Wait, what am I doing?
I have to get a shot of this guy.
It'll be historic.
Okay, okay.
I can do this.
I can do this.
Come on, Skot.
Don't be a wimp.
You can do it.
He's definitely in there.
Hello?
Uh, can you come out?
Hello?
I come in peace.
Do you?
Oh, my God, oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
What? Oh!
Oh, come on! Don't go.
I think Jessa's right.
I don't think these aliens
want to be our friends.
They're always sneaking around
or flying off whenever things
get interesting.
To use Vic's vernacular,
I think these aliens just
like f*cking with us.
Here we go.
Right there.
I got it.
Read it out loud.
Don't tell me what the f*ck
to do.
"Stolen babies are very common
among female abductees."
f*ck sh*t, f*ck sh*t.
"Without explanation,
a woman will be pregnant one day
and not pregnant the next..
No signs of miscarriage
or fetal absorption,
no heavy bleeding or discharge.
The fetus is simply gone.
This almost always happens
at the end of the first trimester,
the 12th week of pregnancy."
Didn't Doctor Reuben say
she was between 9 and 11 weeks?
Yeah, but that's a pretty wide
f*cking margin.
Exactly,
which means she could be 11
weeks along, or even 12,
and that would explain why
they've been around so much lately.
Shut the f*ck up. Jessa's already
hanging by a thread as it is.
More news like that, and snip.
f*ck.
He's not taking my baby.
Wait a f*ck.
Whatever's growing inside of you
Sure as sh*t ain't yours.
It sure as sh*t is.
I've had enough taken from me, Vic.
You can be g*dd*mn sure
I'm not gonna let that son of
a b*tch
take anything from me ever again.
The f*ck are you saying?
What the f*ck are you doing?
Vic.
What the f*ck are you doing, Jessa?
Open up this f*cking door.
Go away, Vic.
What the f*ck?
Oh, sh*t.
Where's the f*cking g*n?
I don't know.
Open up this g*dd*mn door!
Vic, Vic!
Where are you going?
Come on, please!
Jessa, talk to me!
Jessa! I don't hear anything.
Vic, what is she doing?
Come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on.
Open it, open it, open it.
Open the door, come on!
What the hell are you doing?
What the f*ck?
The f*ck are you doing, Jessa?
What the f*ck are you doing?
I don't know.
Calm down.
I don't know anymore.
Why is this happening to me?
You're okay. You're okay.
I want to go back to being crazy.
I want to go back to just
being crazy.
Can I please go back to being crazy?
Was that a trick question?
Skot and I, we've seen sh*t,
too, okay?
f*cking like it or not,
we're all in this together.
You don't understand.
I can't, I can't.
I can't do it.
It's too much and I cannot..
Bullshit. Bullshit!
If anyone can stand up to this
alien as*h*le, it's you.
He can do whatever he wants,
whenever he wants to me,
that f*cking as*h*le.
He's taken seven babies.
Seven babies and a lifetime
of memories.
And I'm so confused!
I'm so confused.
I have these feelings for him,
and I have these feelings for you,
and I just don't know what's real.
Jessa, I don't know if I..
Look, I've never felt before, okay?
I may have a long time ago, but..
Look, if you've got feelings
for me,
it's not because of some alien
mind trick I've pulled.
It's because of my awesome
f*cking personality
and my giant human c*ck.
So, listen, if you want to..
If you want to keep whatever's
growing inside of you,
Then f*ck it.
We'll do whatever it takes
to stop this alien as*h*le
from taking it, okay?
How are you gonna do that?
I don't f*cking know yet.
But I'm a UFOlogist, goddammit,
and I'll think of something.
What?
What?
Okay.
Okay?
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
Yeah.
Mmm.
Come on, my angry little UFOlogist.
Let's go give this as*h*le something
he can really get jealous about.
Now you're talking.
You guys think that's a good idea?
f*cking's always a good idea.
Why don't you go masturbate
or something?
I think I just heard something.
Did you hear that?
'Course not.
What now?
Ooh, nice touch, Assholes.
f*ck!
Real f*cking funny.
Hey, what's going on out there?
Hey!
Who the f*ck's out there?
What's the matter?
Can't figure out how to open
a f*cking door, Dumbasses?
Hello?
You coming in or what?
Okay, enough of this sh*t.
It's go time.
Peekaboo!
Okay, where are you,
you little f*cking sons of b*tches?
Christ!
My power now, citizens of earth.
Am I supposed to f*cking
follow you now?
This is such bullshit.
Nobody tells me what to do.
Who do you think you assholes
are, huh?
f*ck.
sh*t, it's cold out here.
I think my d*ck is shrinking.
Okay, I'm here now.
What the f*ck?
Whoo, my skin is buzzing!
What the f*ck?
Oh, sh*t. Aah!
What the f*ck?
f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck,
f*ck, f*ck,
f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck!
f*ck!
I think I was just
ab-f*cking-ducted.
What?
Yeah.
One second it's the middle of
the night,
and then boom, next thing I
know it's f*cking morning.
Vic, how many of those you
gonna drink?
You're gonna hurt yourself.
Vic, stop.
Vic, please stop. Stop.
Oh.
Look at my hand.
It's shaking like crazy.
Whoa.
Oh, sh*t.
There better not have been any
a*s f*ck up there.
Zoom in!
What are you.. No, what?
Do you see any marks on my as*h*le?
Vic, I am not filming your butt.
Look at my O-Ring!
No!
What in the world is going on
in here?
Oh, this is not what it looks like.
Don't you come near me.
What's the matter with you, Vic?
Stay the f*ck away!
Why?
I don't know.
So, yeah,
I had to get away from the
cabin for a bit.
There's been so many strange encounters
over the past couple of weeks,
it's starting to get a little overwhelming.
First thing this morning,
Vic busts into my room,
Yelling, "Aah, I was just
ab-effing-ducted."
I mean, he can't even remember
what happened,
but I saw the footage from
his camera.
It's really crazy stuff.
Something definitely went
down last night.
And today, any time Jessa goes
near Vic,
he totally freaks out.
He basically made her spend
all morning outside.
I keep going over it and over
it in my head.
Why was Vic abducted and not me?
I'm pretty sure it's because
William doesn't like Vic and Jessa...
You know.
He did something to Vic to
make him stop.
And, well, tonight, Vic and Jessa
Are supposed to go on this
big date or something,
Assuming Vic will even let her
sit next to him at the same table,
but I don't know,
I've got this feeling
that this is all leading up
to something.
Something bad, and, well, I..
I think there's really only
one person
who can help us out with all
of this.
The only reason I'm here
is to hear with my own ears
how them E.T.'s
shoved something up that
fool's stank a*s.
Okay, now that was f*cking weird.
I'm on a table in a white room
and I have no f*cking idea
how I got here.
Whoa!
There's a tall f*cking mutant
coming in through the door.
It looks like a bug.
I think it's that William as*h*le.
He's pissed.
He says my sperm's contaminating
his breeding preserve.
What the f*ck is that?
Whoa, you'd better not touch
my c*ck, as*h*le!
What did he say?
He'll remove my reproductive
organ
if I continue f*cking Jessa.
And I say,
"You looking for an upgrade
there, as*h*le?
Do you guys even have a c*ck,
or an a*s for that matter?
How in the f*ck do you guys
sh*t or piss anyways?"
What is wrong with you?
Were you drunk or something
that night?
Uh-huh. Yeah, I was.
Lord, this is a new one for me.
He says he can make me do
anything he wants.
Then he grabs my head with his
long f*cking fingers
and looks into my eyes.
I can hear him in my head.
He says, "Stay away from Jessa!"
Yeah, nice try there, f*ck.
Ain't gonna happen.
What happened?
He's squeezing my head!
He's having trouble controlling
you, ain't he?
I guess, and he's also wondering
why I use the word "f*ck" so much.
And I say, "'cause I'm
f*ck Norris, as*h*le!
And these are my two ninja
sidekicks, f*ck and you!"
And I start chopping away at him.
Hai!
Oh, sh*t. Two of the little
ones just walked in.
Oh, I think they're pissed
off at Old Willie.
I think they're his bosses.
They start saying that he's
jeopardizing the program.
Then Willie starts..
Willie starts throwing a tantrum.
He starts banging his fists
against the ceiling.
Jesus, this f*ck's nuts.
Oh, sh*t. The two little ones
are coming over to me now.
I'm not gonna lie, their little
bald heads get me a little hard.
They look like boobies without n*pples.
He is such a pervert.
One's grabbing my head
and the other one's staring
into my eyes.
Willie's looking at me from
across the room.
He's trying to tell me something
that I need to remember.
Oh, I'm back outside.
What did he tell you?
He told me.. He told me..
Whoa, should we call 911?
No, he said..
He said he's coming.
When?
Tonight?
Well, when tonight?
Who's coming?
Takes longer to produce than
any other mammal,
Almost two years.
Hell, no.
This is getting way to freaky
for me.
And you can keep the damn table.
I'll get a new one.
No, Miss Wasco.
Wait, wait!
Jessa, something's wrong with Vic.
Vic? Vic?
The son of a b*tch tried to
brainwash me
and keep me away from you.
Okay, it's okay.
It's okay, Vic. Look at me.
Wow.
What was that?
Are you okay?
We gotta get you out of here.
What?
That son of a b*tch is coming
after your f*cking kid.
Wait, how do you know that?
Let's go.
Vic, will you tell us what's
going on?
You heard me!
He's coming for the f*cking kid!
Just keep that camera running,
you hear me?
You really were abducted!
No, sh*t! Get inside.
Come on, come on, come on!
Do you want me to drive?
Just get the f*cking car started.
Skot, move your a*s.
Get back there.
The f*ck are you doing?
Start the g*dd*mn car.
It won't start!
It won't start!
Come on, come on,
let's get out of here.
Let's go! Let's go!
Felinda? Felinda!
f*ck! Goddammit.
Uh-oh.
What does that mean?
What does that mean?
It means they're here.
I don't think I can handle this.
Holy sh*t.
What? Vic, what do you see?
Is it the UFO?
It's a bunch of f*cking blue orbs.
Orbs? How many?
A lot!
Come on, we gotta get back inside.
Get the f*ck out of the car,
Guys, come on!
I don't believe this is happening.
Oh, my God.
No, no, no, no, no.
Oh, my god.
Vic, is this an invasion?
Looks like it.
Move, move, move! Come on.
Wait up! Don't leave me!
Quit crying, Skot.
Move your a*s.
I am! I am!
This ain't a training exercise.
Lock everything that locks!
Oh, my God, this can't be real.
This can't be happening!
sh*t.
Vic.
What the f*ck is that?
Oh, my God!
What the hell are those things?
They're aliens in energy form.
Real f*cking funny, as*h*le.
Oh, just go away! Go away!
Look at all of 'em!
My God!
It is an invasion!
We're f*cking surrounded.
What do we do?
Where do we go?
The back door!
The back door! It's open.
No, Jessa, don't go back there.
Look!
Holy sh*t!
Tell me you got that as*h*le
on camera!
I got him, all right.
Vic, the doorknob!
f*ck off, William!
Go away!
You can't have this one!
Just go away and leave me alone!
You ain't getting sh*t, as*h*le!
Leave me alone!
What the f*ck?
Where'd it go?
The f*cking closet.
What's in there?
Is it him?
You want a f*cking showdown,
you f*cking freak?
You got one!
Gonna be all right, Baby.
Vic, really?
This m*therf*cker's about to
get Singed.
No. What are you doing Vic?
Don't, don't.
Vic, Vic, he's in there.
No, no, no, don't.
No, stop, stop.
Stop counting.
Don't open..
g*dd*mn.
Go away, William!
You can't have my baby!
Vic, I dropped the camera!
I dropped the f*cking g*n!
What do we do?
Oh, no, Vic!
He's in my head.
He's inside my head!
Can't let him leave this room!
Look out! Look out!
Can't hold him much longer!
Vic, go for his eyes!
What's he doing?
What is that?
f*ck you aliens in the f*cking..
Vic, we gotta get out of here!
He looks really pissed off.
f*ck.
That makes two of us.
f*ck you.
You Motherfuck..
Vic, no!
You're going to start an
Intergalactic w*r!
Die!
Vic, stop! Stop!
What the..
Where the f*ck are we?
Were we just abducted?
I don't know.
Well come on, Vic,
what time is it?
It's.. I don't own a f*cking
watch, Man!
Well, I changed my mind!
I don't want to be abducted!
I don't want to be taken!
Shut the f*ck up!
Don't point the g*n at me!
Don't point the g*n at me!
Shut the f*ck up!
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Jessa!
Where the f*ck are you?
Wait a sec.
No, no, wait, wait, wait!
You can use it. Listen.
This way, come on.
Jessa, where are you?
Say something, Goddammit.
Jessa!
Your f*ck meter led us in the
g*dd*mn wrong direction.
Vic!
That was her.
Jessa, keep yelling!
Where are you?
Vic, help me!
Jessa?
Jessa? Holy sh*t.
What? What?
Oh, my God.
Look at that!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
I can't believe this!
I can't believe what I'm seeing!
Goddammit.
Vic, Vic, wait!
Vic, wait!
Keep yelling, Jessa!
Vic, where are you?
Jessa!
What the f*ck was that?
I don't know.
Wow.
Vic?
Vic, where are you?
Jessa, keep yelling!
Where the f*ck are you?
Vic, wait! Wait!
Goddammit!
Vic?
Oh, my God is that..
They didn't come for the
f*cking baby.
They came for her.
Oh, my God. She's gone?
Vic, do you stand by your
investigative procedure?
Jesus Christ, why the f*ck does
everyone keep asking me that?
It's not brain surgery.
I got the report,
I interviewed the f*cking witness.
I looked at the f*cking evidence,
and I gathered supporting
f*cking evidence
and then developed a f*cking conclusion.
That's how you investigate.
And what did you conclude?
What did I conclude?
That a f*cking alien took my girlfriend.
So, Vic, why did you become
a UFOlogist?
Because UFO sh*t interests me.
And how would you describe
your handling of the
Skyforest Incident?
f*cking stellar.
Did you have anything to do
with Jessa Gwilliams' disappearance?
No, as*h*le.
Do you believe in aliens?
Yes, as*h*le.
So if you believe in aliens,
do you think that they're here
to help us or hurt us?
Well, they ain't f*cking here
to help us,
that's for f*cking sure.
These are real sons of b*tches
we're dealing with.
They come down here,
do whatever the f*ck they want,
and the government doesn't do
sh*t to stop it.
So, do you think the government's
actually covering up the
existence of aliens?
Oh, come on. The government's
too stupid to deal with this sh*t.
The only conspiracy they're
involved in
is letting idiots and morons
run sh*t.
So you're saying there's no way
to stop these aliens from
doing what they're doing?
No, I'm saying it's up to
private organizations
Like the C.D.U. and UFOlogists
like myself
to get to the bottom of sh*t.
And I for one know that these
f*ck are real,
they're up to no good, and goddammit,
I'm gonna keep investigating
until I find her!
I mean "Them",
whatever the f*ck these
b*stards are up to.
You really did love her,
didn't you?
♪ f*ck you
♪ You didn't even bother to f*ck ♪
♪ But you're still f*cking
knocked my girl up ♪
♪ Now she's heavy with your
alien child ♪
♪ Gonna see me get up and riled ♪
♪ You b*tch you missed getting
in touch ♪
♪ Listen closely to all you
just heard ♪
♪ It's the last thing you're
bound to hear ♪
♪ Gonna get you when I finish
my beer ♪
Ladies and Gentlemen,
Finger Master!
♪ So f*ck you
♪ A f*cking alien
♪ Took my girlfriend
♪ And that slimy piece of sh*t
is gonna die ♪
♪ A f*cking alien
♪ Took my girlfriend
♪ I've just gotta f*cking
♪ Ask myself why
♪ Right before I f*cking make
him fry ♪
♪ You gonna die
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Alienators (2017)
Moderators: Maskath3, GabrielAlejo2341, sidolanters, Maskath3, GabrielAlejo2341, sidolanters
Watch on Amazon Sci-Fi Merch Collectables
Space, Time-travel, Futuristic, Aliens, Sci-Fi movie collection.
Space, Time-travel, Futuristic, Aliens, Sci-Fi movie collection.