01x11 - Episode 11

[bunniefuu]

Ohh... Ohh...

O-ohh...
Ohh...

Ohh... Ohh...

Uhhh...ohh...
Ohh...

♪ Dit da-dit-da-dit-da-doo ♪

♪ Dit da-dit-da-dit-da-doo ♪

♪ Dit da-dit-da-dit-da-doo ♪

♪ Dit da-dit-da-dit-da-doo ♪

Ohh...ohh...
Oh...

♪ Dit da-dit-da-dit-da-doo ♪

♪ Dit da-dit-da-dit-da-doo ♪

Ohh...ohh...
Ohh...

♪ Dit da-dit-da-dit-da-doo ♪

♪ Dit da-dit-da-dit-da-doo ♪

Ohh...ohh...
Ohh...

♪ Dit da-dit-
da-dit-da-doo ♪

Ohh!
Ohh!

♪ Dit da-dit-
da-dit-da-doo ♪

Ohh... Ohh...

Ohh... Ohh...

Ohh... Ohh...

[ Both sigh deeply ]

♪ Dit da-dit-
da-dit-da-doo ♪

Ohh...
Ohh...

Ohh...

♪ Dit da-dit-
da-dit-da-doo ♪

Ohh... Ohh...

♪ Dit da-dit-
da-dit-da-doo ♪

Ohh... Ohh...

Ohh...
Ohh...

Ohh...
Ohh...

Ohh...
Ohh...

Ohh...
Ohh...

♪ Dit da-dit-
da-dit-da-doo ♪

♪ Dit da-dit-
da-dit-da-doo ♪

Ohh... Ohh...

Ohh... Ohh...

Ohh! Ohh!

♪ Dit da-dit-
da-dit-da-doo ♪

♪ Dit da-dit-
da-dit-da-doo ♪

Ohh! Ohh!

♪ Dit da-dit-
da-dit-da-doo ♪

Ohh...
Ohh...

Ohh...
Ohh...

We're safe,
but for how long?

[ German accent ]
... ...

... ... ...

.

... ... ...

.

... ...

!

Ugh.

Well,
that felt good.

But my left side
is still really weak.

I did my right side, though.

Oh. Super.

Oh, baby,
don't do that.

What? What?
Don't smoke.

Oh, god.
Look, I smoke.

Therefore, I'm smoking.

Do you know
what I like about you?

What?

When you don't smoke.

Oh, god, okay.
Look, look, it's out.

Goody.

Okay, it's out.

That's nice.
Right out.

You know what it's
like to taste a lover
who is always smoking?

Yes.
What?

It's like
kissing an ashtray.

How did you know
I was gonna say that?

Everybody knows that.

No. I thought
of that expression.
No, you didn't.

Yes, I did!
No, you didn't.
It's a cliché.

No. I thought of it this morning
when I was on the toilet.

[ Laughs ]
no, you didn't.

Are you calling me
a liar?
No -- stupid.

It's just, you don't know
'cause you don't speak english.

I don't like
being called stupid.

I speak english
very okay.

And another thing --
in germany,

People like how smart
I can be, all right?

Yeah?
Yeah.

Really? Well, we're not
in germany right now.

And right now,
you appear to me stupid.

Is that right, baby?
Is that right, lover?

Well, you know
what your problem is?

You've always
gotta be the guy, you know,

Up there on the mountain
with that big egg.

[ Laughing ]
the big egg? The big egg?

Good point, attila.
Yeah, that is
a good point.

That is
a good point.

I was being sarcastic.

Don't get sarcastic
with me.

Then try
expressing yourself.
I am trying
to express myself.

Try harder!
I am trying harder!

Come on,
you big, dumb hun!

Uh!

[ Thinking ]
wow!

Maybe women
weren't such a bad idea.

[ Instrumental music playing ]

I know you.

I know you, too.

Ingrid.
Steven.

Ingrid robbie.
Steven grudner.

Together:
from high school.

Boy,
I haven't seen you

Since you stood me up
for the high school prom.

[ Laughing ]
yeah. About that, ingrid.

It wasn't you that I stood up,
it was women.

Oh.

So it wasn't me
that cried, ate corn chips,

Went to the prom anyway,

And ended up dancing
with the science teacher.

It was women.

Yeah. So, it's not me
you should be mad at,

But gay men
who date women.

Oh.

I was just mad at you
all these years.

I hope when I wake up
I remember to call my mom

And tell her
to stop hating you.

[ Laughs ]
this is great.

You know, ingrid,

I've been thinking
that women are a good idea.

Yes...

I know.

Wow...
Isn't life funny?

Steven?
Yeah?

[ Smacking sound ]

Oh, baby. Look, I'm really
sorry I hit you, okay?

I was just so upset
when you started picking on me,

I lost my...

Look at this,
I'm smoking for goodness sakes!

Don't smoke.

Look, I'm gonna go

Because I feel
really ashamed right now.

I'm just terribly
upset, okay?

I'll come back
for my other weights later.

I can only carry
lbs. Right now

Because my left side
is really weak.

Goodbye, baby.

I'm sorry.
No, no, no, no, no.
Attila, don't go.

Don't go.
Why not?

You must hate me.
You have to.

I don't. It was my fault,
I drove you to it. I'm sorry.

Look, I don't know
what the problem is.

I got to stop smacking
you every time I can't
speak english.

It's stupid, you know.

That would be nice,
you know.

But look, I've gotta
help you learn english.

We'll go out.
We'll get some comic books.

Classics illustrated.

Classics illustrated
would be nice, and
we'll study hard.

I'll learn how to speak english.
I'm sorry.

How's your chinny-chin?

It's good,
it's finey-finey.

Attila...

Ich liebe dich.

Oh, baby.
I love you, too.

[ Growls ]

Helens: coleslaw deserves
another chance.

I remember a time
when coleslaw

Practically
anchored a meal.

Now it just sits there
on your plate.

Personally,
I like the taste.

Announcer:
helens agree...

Coleslaw deserves
another chance.

And in march,

When we hit the right market
with the right approach,

The net income
that was reached

Was far more substantial
than february.

In other words --
yay, march.

Oh, excuse me,
gentlemen.

Yes, carmine?

[ Whispering ]

Thank you, carmine.

[ Whispering ]

[ Carmine sobbing ]

Uh...

Sir?

Don't worry, gentlemen,
there is nothing wrong.

Everything
is going as planned.

Nothing out of the ordinary
on this normal monday morning,

In a normal week, during
a beautiful month of spring.

Yes, gentlemen,
please, just keep sitting.

And whatever you do,
do not go over your lives,

Weighing up your successes
and failures.

Unnecessary, gentlemen.

The ship
is running smoothly.

Remember...this average
business presentation

Has absolutely
nothing in common

With a disaster
of major proportions.

[ Indistinct chatter ]

I'm sorry, what I meant to say
was...everything's fine.

On megaphone:
don't panic, businessmen.

This is the chief
of the fire department.

Although you are
caught like rats

In this blazing fire-trap
you once called work,

We are trying our best
to stop the flames.

[ Sirens wailing ]

But remember,
we're not perfect.

Uh, barry,
is, uh, this a joke?

No...

Aaaaah!
Aaaaah! Aaaaah!

Gentlemen! Gentlemen!
Shame, gentlemen!

This is a business meeting!

[ Heavy breathing ]

Okay, this is it.

Yes, there is a blazing fire
a few floors below us.

And no,
there is no way down

Because the stairs
and the elevators are both --

Let's just say...
Inaccessible.

Though I could easily say
"permanently destroyed."

Ahhh!
Ahhh! Ahhh!

It's inaccessible.
I'll keep it inaccessible.

Oh, yeah, and the fire's
rising towards our floor.

What?!

[ Fire alarm ringing ]
but I know you guys
are aware

How important this is
and would want me to continue.

So, who am I with?
The career-minded guys

Who want me to go ahead,

Or the nowhere guys
in a downward spiral?!

[ Coughing ]

That's the attitude, ferguson.
That's the attitude.

Now, what about
the rest of you?

The presentation,
or just waiting for death?

Presentation!
Presentation! Presentation!

All right.
[ Coughing ]

Remember, gentlemen,

This is an office
of businessmen,

Not a large toaster
for cowards.

[ Hacking coughs ]

Aaaaah!

Aaah!
Aaah! Aaah!

Gentlemen! Do you realize
what just happened?

That was one of the guys

From the firm
of jensen & bronson.

Congratulations.

We no longer have
any competition

For the wilbury account.

Now let's get back
to the presentation.

Okay, back to my
quite excellent graph...

[ Hacking coughs ]

All right, guys. At first
you notice here the diff--

Please, sirs, will you pay
more attention to the graph

And less attention
to inhaling smoke?

Sir, I move we move the meeting
down to the floor

To make it
easier to breathe.

I second it.
All in favor?

Aye!
Motion carried! Aye! Aye!

All right, then...

I once shot a man
just to watch him die.

Then I got distracted
and missed it.

[ g*n clicks ]

All my friends
tried to describe it to me,

But it just isn't the same.

Oh, well.
You've got your own problems.

Ignore me.

Karen and I were so in love,
we were like romeo and juliet.

The only difference between us

And the original
star-crossed lovers

Is that we saw other people.

The other difference between us
and romeo and juliet

Is that no one opposed our love.

But, by god,
I wanted them to.

"You don't like her,"
I'd leer at my friends.

"I'm causing a scandal,
aren't i?"

But they all liked her,

Those who had met her.

For those who hadn't,

I tried describing her
in less-than-glowing terms.

You know,
hoping they'd say,

"Gee, she sounds
less than perfect."

Then I could reply,
"less than perfect? Ha!

I won't stop seeing her.
Don't force me to decide."

But my friends
never fell for it.

They're very cunning.
Most of them work in bookstores.

You can imagine
what a failure I felt

When I learned that her father
actually approved of me.

Well, juliet's father
never approved of her romeo.

He probably wanted her to go out
with someone named gordon.

I was no gordon.

We took those long walks
that people like us took.

We looked for furniture
in the garbage.

We'd see things that were old,

"Like our love will be one day,"
I'd often say.

It's like we literally
had our own language --

Baby-talk.

And it seemed to flow from us
like a glorious, mushy river.

Although sometimes,

She'd just baby-talk
and I'd baby-listen.

But, friends...
Then one day it happened.

Karen came over to my house
and she was drunk.

Drunk on love?

No...

Drunk on gin.

Which is quite different,
but sort of the same, I guess.

And she announced that my job
at the student-employment center

Was all "hokum."

And she said that
she couldn't see me anymore

Because her father
had once been mean to her mom.

"The bastard," I thought.

And then after she left,
that's when it hit me...

That we were
like star-crossed lovers.

Instead of me gulping poison,

One day I'd see her
in a movie line-up

With a guy who looked
like a keyboard player,

And that would be
my slow death.

That was a long time ago.

But, you know, still,
whenever I see a beautiful woman

In a restaurant,
sending back her food,

I miss her.

Helens:
hawaii was better before.

A honeymoon there used to be
a reason to get married.

Yes, but it's
so commercial there now.

Announcer:
helens agree...

Hawaii was better before.

They say the truck
and his solid-gold piano

Was burnt
beyond recognition.

But some folks say,
if you listen to the wind

On cold winters' nights,

You can still
hear him out there,

Playin'
that h*nky-tonkin' music.

Boo!

Aaah! Aaah!

Gotcha good!

I gotcha good!
Good story,
clem.

Hi, everybody!

Hi, petey.

I got a newspaper
for you, billy.
Thank you.

Petey, why don't
you hang around?

I think clem's
about to tell another story.
I don't know...

Would you please?

Would you please
tell us a story, please?

Okay, this is a shorty
but a goody. All right.

Now, I got twins -- two girls,
normal in every way.

Except at birth
they were joined together

By a -foot piece of chain
between their ankles.

Now, the first day
that their daddy

Let them out
of the root cellar,

They took a vote,
nice and democratic-like,

And voted - to go fishin'.

Now they get down
to the river...

Mary turns to alice and says,
"where's the pole?"

Alice says,
"I didn't bring no pole."

"Where's the bait?" She says,
"I didn't bring no bait."

Mary says, "get on back
to the house and get it."

Alice says, "to hell with that,"
throws her in the water.

Darn if minutes later
they aren't lookin'

At the biggest catfish
this county ever saw.

I've seen that catfish.
It's at the mayor's office.

What a great story,
clem.

What a great story.

Would you tell us
another story?

Oh, I don't know.
I'm gettin' a little dry here.

Aw, please,
clem?

Clem...

Why don't you tell us one about
three-thumb jake?

Yeah, tell us a story
about three-thumb.

You wanna hear
a three-thumber?
Oh, yes, sir.

Okay...

All right, now, I remember
the night in question

That three-thumb jake
told me that story,

Because he gave me
this here coffee coupon,

Which I have
yet to redeem.

Now, he admits that he'd been
drinkin' the night in question,

But he still swears
to god he was out night fishin',

And he saw a spherical object
descend from the sky.

The doors opened

And these aliens began
unloading crates of bigfoots...

Crate after crate
of bigfoots.

Now, he sees them,

And they see him...
Next!

What?
What?

What do you mean,
next?

I mean next.
The haircut's over.

Haircut's
never over.
No!

Billy, there's not
another hair to cut,

Therefore,
the haircut's over.

Just wait a minute.
His sideburns ain't even.

His sideburns
is way outta wack.

They're horrible.

Petey:
haircut ain't done

With sideburns
all lopsided like that.

Three
and a half...

Three
and a half.

Of course they're even,
you know they're my specialty.

There's a hair!

In the middle of his head,
stickin' up!

There is a hair!

There is a hair!
[ Laughter ]

I thought there
might be a little ol' hair.

Don't know how
I missed it.

What happened
with the bigfoots?

All right, all right,
all right, all right.

So, with those giant green
suction cups on their feet,

They begin
ascending a telephone pole

To get a better view
of three-thumb jake.

Right, they're goin' up...
[ Suction noises ]

Next!

How do I look?

Good.

Uh,
fine, sir.

Then
I guess I'm done.

Guess so,
clem.

Oh, well...uh, hell,
how much do I owe you there?

Not a blessed thing.
Your money's no good here --

Best head of hair
I ever cut.

Well, thank you.
Thank you.

Thank you.

Now, take care,
petey.

Sure did enjoy
all your storytellin', clem.

Thank you.

Billy,
take care, now.
Hey, yeah.

Idiot boy...

Hey now, idiot boy,
come on now.

Hey, now, you mind
your droolin' now, you hear?

Some folks,
they don't kinder to that.

Clem!
Take care of that part.

Don't let any pretty women
mess it up.

[ Laughing ]
hell...

Now, don't you go worryin'
about me and pretty women.

Next!

I guess
that'd be me.

Once upon
a time...

There was this...

Eel monkey...

And he had himself...

A bullom head.

And everybody would come around,
laughing at him.

And they would
make him...

Bullom head?

What the hell's
a bullom head?

Wuh wuh wuh wuh!

You know, the one thing I know
about clem's hair...

It grows.

He'll be back.

Lot's of folks
have bullom heads.

I've seen 'em shoppin'
and laughin' and lovin'.

I've seen 'em
with their big bullom heads.

I saw them
with their heads...

Big bullom heads.