01x19 - Episode 19

[bunniefuu]

[ Men howling ]

[ Barking ]

Hey, guys, guys, guys.
Wait a second.

Don't let them know
you want them.

Be cool.

[ Howling glumly ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Birds chirp in distance ]

Ooh!

[ Coughing ]

Brother, why are you
always sleeping?

I was tired.

I get tired, and I sleep.

Can you follow that?

Did you finish building
the fence?

Do you see a fence?
No.

Where did you get
this beer?

What beer? What beer?

This beer.
Oh, that beer.

I bought it -- sure.
How'd you buy it?

I, uh, borrowed money
from a friend.

What friend?

What,
we're not friends anymore?

You've stolen my money!

Oh, come on. Stop that.

No, I didn't steal it.
I-i borrowed it.

Besides, I'm keeping
a very accurate account

That will pay you back
to the last penny.

How will you do that?

Actually, I've been thinking
about that.

Very simple.

I'll just carve more of these
coconut boats.

Tourists always buy those things
from us kids.

This is a boat?

Yep.
Built it with my own hands.

What tourist would take pity
on you enough

To buy this
pathetic object?

Hey, that's my boat.

Besides, you are a hideous,
chain-smoking child.

Will you clam it?
Will you just shut up?

Will you just shut up
about that?

Do I have to hear this
every day of my life, huh?

I know that technically
I'm still a boy.

Yes, technically you're still
a boy,

Because technically you've
failed the rites of manhood

Every year for the last
years.

Yap, yap, yap, yap, yap.

Just shut up!

Don't worry.

It's in the bag this year,
I promise you.

I understand the competition
is very weak.

The competition is
on average,

And you're years old.

I'm years young!

You will fail.

Oh, sure, I may be less agile
at the tree climbing.

I may not be so hot

At the mountain-running portion
of the contest.

But I will do great
at the public speaking,

And I will sweep
the trivia quiz.

There's no trivia quiz.

Now that's exactly my point!

What's your point?

Why can't we have a trivia quiz
for manhood?

What?

Sure. That'd be fun.

"Candidate for manhood,
name the best actor in ."

"Well, oh, wise one, it was
ben kingsley for 'gandhi,'

Winner of seven oscars
in total."

Yes, yes.
Hell, I'd be chief!

But no, on this island,

We have to go hunting
for the great white shark.

We have to go searching
for the great white shark.

[ Chanting ]

Shut up,
you pathetic fish head.

Sometimes I look at you,
and I have to wonder

Just what the hell are our
priorities on this island?

I'll tell you what the
priorities are.

They're to hunt and to fish
and to procreate with women,

Which is something
you will never know.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
there a second, brother.

Now I may be a boy,
but when it comes to women,

Sometimes I'm a...bad boy.

That is forbidden you.

Oh, it's forbidden, huh?

Yes, it's forbidden.

So spank me.

Come on, spank me.

I'd like to spank you.

Spank this ass.

Let's see you
spank this ass!

You haven't got the guts.

How do you know?

I bet you're still a virgin,
too.

I knew it! Case closed.

Now where's my suntan lotion?

Ah, there it is.

What do you need
with suntan lotion?

You're a native.

Yes, but psychologically,
I'm a tourist.

You're useless.

Yeah, yeah,
I'm dennis the menace, right?

You're like a stuck record.

And speaking of monotony,

Are you and the boys
going out fishing today?

The men of this village
fish every day.

I just thought that since pagu
got eaten by the shark --

What?

Pagu got eaten by a great white
this morning.

Not pagu the brave?

Yeah, that brought back
mr. Brave in a little paper bag,

I'll tell you that.

In fact, isn't that his hand
mounted on his widow's hut?

Personally,
I think it's tacky,

But if she likes it.

We are still masters
of the shark.

Oh, yeah, I can see that.

Anyway, old master, be careful
on the boats today...

Don't you worry.

...because you never know.

[ Humming to "jaws" theme ]
♪ doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo-doo, doo-doo doo-- ♪

Don't you get it?
What?

"Jaws."
What?

, Oscar winner for best
original -- ah, forget it!

I'm off to the beach.

Yeah, go to the beach

And help the women
with their washing, boy.

Yeah, I think I will.

♪ I wish they all could be
california... ♪

Hey, mona,
how's it hanging, baby?

[ Chanting ]

Mona, it's me --
sabu, sabu devorsky.

I live in the second...

No, mr. Gorgenchuck, I will not
stop rocking in your classroom.

You're sitting there telling me
about the food chain.

Well, how about the rock chain?

Instead of a cow at the top,
there's, like, maybe a guitar.

'Cause, mr. Gorgenchuck,
if I don't feel free to rock,

Be it here or anywhere, you
might as well cut off my limbs.

You might as well cut off
my limbs

And mail them to mother russia.

'Cause if I can't rock,
I don't want to walk.

See, if I can't air guitar,
I don't want no air at all.

So, mr. Gorgenchuck, if you
really want me to stop rocking,

I hope you're prepared to sand
off my face.

Are you, sir?

Are you prepared to grind me up,
burn my bones,

And scatter the ashes in the far
reaches of the universe?

'Cause that is what it's gonna
take, sir.

You and I are mortal, but
rock 'n' roll will never die.

Now that's just where you're
wrong, bobby.

Recent studies show that rock
'n' roll is, in fact, dying.

What?

Popular music has been on the
wane since ,

The year of the first
bad company release.

I have that album.

Of course you do, bob.

You see, poor live performances

By the likes of chuck berry
and even jerry lee lewis

Are destroying the music that
they allege to celebrate.

And tests show that a beach boys
concert is a very sad thing.

This, coupled with the growing
interest in ethnic music,

Has undermined the support base

Of the music that you and your
friends love.

What?

Let's see if I can't put this
into terms you'll understand.

Say you had beer.

Oh, okay, all right!

All right!

Now let's say that four of those
beer represent the pogues,

Another six represent
the gipsy kings,

And one beer is shared

By the chieftains
and ladysmith black mambazo.

Hold it.
That only leaves one beer.

I'll never get drunk
on just one beer.

Exactly, bob.

But learn to nurse that beer,

And before you know it,
you'll be loving jazz.

Jazz?! Never!

Tests don't lie, bob.

How long has...rock got?

According to a computer model,
three years --

About the time
you'll be graduating.

Then I'll live each day
like my rocking last!

Whereas I will look forward
to the dominance of jazz!

Then you, sir, are my nemesis!

[ Playing upbeat jazz ]

No! Unh-unh! No!
No! Unh-unh!

[ Screaming ]

Come on in.

Wow. A studio.

That's mine.

That's mine.

That's mine.

That's mine.

The rest
is all at the exhibit.

I really liked
your exhibit.

Thank you.

Aahhh!

[ Laughs ]

I see you've noticed
my tarantulas.

Don't worry.
You're safe.

You like them?

I don't know.

You're different.

You wear a uniform,
but you make it your own.

Really?

You know, melanie, you sort of
remind me of a spider.

Really?

Yeah, I mean that in a good way,
spiritually.

The light in your eye,

The ethereal quality
to your hair...

Your silvery smile.

Spiders have personalities,
you know.

You just have to be very open
to it, very aware.

Shut up!

Shut up!
Shut up!

Very, very aware.

Boring!
Boring!

Psychic.
Psychic?

I think I'm psychic.

I knew he was gonna say that.

Fred, what is he up to?

What's he up to?

He's hitting
on another teenage girl.

That's what he's up to.

Pervert.

I can see you're an old soul.

Old soul?
That old line?!

Look at her.
Just take a look at her.

I'm looking.

Oh, and what a sad sight.

She's only .

That's it.
I'm going for his neck!

Go, man. Go!

I really like your painting.

Thank you.

I also act.

So I guess that makes me
an actor/painter/poet.

Wow. That's so great.

But I hate labels.

Let's look at your work.

Come on.

Fred,
look out for her feet!

Oh, no!

Oh, no! Fred! Fred!

Fred!!

Don't be embarrassed.
I'm sure --

Aah!
Oh, geez.

Don't panic, melanie.
Watch it, watch it.

Oh, I'm sorry.

That's no big deal.
I never liked this one anyway.

What was his name?

His name? Allen.

No, it's fred!
Bye, allen.

Reve-e-e-e-nge!

Revenge!

Ooh.

Now this
is very interesting.

Very mature.

You know, melanie,

Your painting at the level
of a -year-old.

You think it's good?
Good?

What is good?

Da vinci?

Push! Heave!

I mean, don't let yourself
be put in a cage.

Like jail?
No! Not like jail.

I mean, don't let yourself
be hemmed in by words,

Like good or bad or rich or poor
or virgin or slut.

[ Grunting ] must k*ll.

You know, your chair study

Reminds me of erotic japanese
lithographs.

I have a book of them
I'd love to show you.

Sure.

[ Grunting ] hello!

Come on.

Revenge! Ha!

[ Panting ]

Weird.

Hmm.

Nooo!

Isn't that weird, huh?

Come on.

Come on.

Please...someone get me
an entomologist.

Help!!

Help!!

Goodbye, honey.
Bye.

We'll miss you.

Yeah, have a great time
in mexico.

Behave yourselves.

We'll behave!

Bye-bye!

Bye.

Great.

We have the whole country
to ourselves!

Just two bachelors
on the loose.

Let's party!

Come on.

[ Rock 'n' roll plays ]

[ Both groaning ]

Oh, god, I'm tired.

What day is it?

Let me check.

It's the rd.

Oh, no. The girls
are coming back today.

Oh, no. We'd better clean up
the country.

Oh, jesus.

[ Rock 'n' roll plays ]

[ Both groaning ]

Oh, great. We made it.

Oh, no. Lipstick!

Oh, jeez!

Hello!
Hello!

Hi!
We're home!

Oh!
Oh-oh!

Did you miss us?

Oh, sure, we missed you.

Of course we missed you.

It's great to be back.

I know.
Let's celebrate.

Let's go dancing!
Let's go dancing!

Oh, no! Oh, no!

Sure.
Good idea!

Good idea.

Hey, mom, dad, doctor...

I want my foreskin back.

It was stolen from me
without my consent.

They say you lose %
of sensation

In the head of the penis
after circumcision.

[ Voice breaking ]
the mind boggles.

What strange creatures
be these parents?

They say,
"it's much nicer now --

All cleaned up,
like a good haircut."

Hey, I want my hood back!

I'm cold.

It needs its little blanket.

I could sue.

I know I could sue,
but what would be the point?

It won't change anything.

I'll always be mutilated --

Another north american loser
with an exposed head.

So I wear turtlenecks.

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

I love this song.

I love this song!

Oh, it's so true!

I wish this song
was a whole day long.

Man, I would have the best day
that day.

I just can't listen to it
while I drive.

It's that good.

Yep.
Favorite song in my car.

Life's a pretty sweet fruit.

[ Brakes squeal ]

Don't you ever laugh at my car.

So...

What do you think
I paid for her?

I'll tell you.
Bucks.

Easy payments --
couldn't even feel them.

It was like a soft breeze
blowing through my bank account.

[ Brakes squeal ]

Who am I kidding?

Bucks a month
almost k*lled me.

[ Sniffs ]

Outdoorsy!

[ Brakes squeal ]

Not a word.

Great.

I had to pick today to go bald.

I knew it would happen.

What's a guy need his hair for
when he's got his...radio!

In sports,
the national hockey league...

I love the sports score.
It's so true!

The flyers ripped the sabres,
- .

The canadiens
got past the flames, - .

Life is a pretty sweet fruit.

[ Knocking on door ]

Sir, I need to talk
to you.

What is it?

Well, it appears
that we have a problem.

[ Whiny voice ] no.

Yes, I'm afraid we do.

Now let's not beat
around the bush.

Okay, what is it?

Well, it concerns you.

Oh!

And someone you hired.

Oh, no!

Yes, and people are talking,
and things are happening, sir.

What things?
Bad things.

Ohh, no! Ohh!

Sir, this is something that
we have got to face head on.

Okay. What is it?

Do you remember that girl
that you hired?
No.

The french girl.
No.

From accounting.
No.

Monique.
Yeah.

Well, it appears that monique
has been burning things.

Oh, what things?

Big things.
Well, how big?

Cars, buildings,
branch plants.

Oh, why does she do that?

Because she's a pyromaniac.

And, sir, you hired her.

Oh, well, so what if I did?

Everyone likes a fire,
and it's christmas.

Sir, we can't afford
to employ an arsonist.

We're an insurance company.

Well, I don't care.

Well, you should care, 'cause
people are getting worried.

Oh, well,
people shouldn't worry.

I'm fine.

They're not worried
about you.

Oh, well,
why are they worried?!

Flames, fire, death.
Go figure.

Ohh!

Hello!

Sir, I think you're trying
to avoid this confrontation.

That's ridiculous.

Is it?!

Well, what if it is?
My head hurts.

Sir, we are in a crisis,
and action must be taken.

What do you say?

Vegetable?

Wrong!!

You're going to have
to fire her.

In this life?
Today.

Tonight?
Now!

She's outside.
I'll go bring her in.

Hey, maybe if you kept her
waiting, she'd quit.

[ Door opens, closes ]

Taxi!

[ Sighs ] sir.

Bonjour, monique.

Bonjour, monsieur.

Moment?
Yes?

Do you -- do you --
do you like it here?

Oh, yes,
everyone is so flammable!

Oh, great.
Well, that's great.

Well, you just keep up
the good work,

And I'm sorry that I had to
interrupt your day like this.

Oh, no. No problem.

Monsieur! Mon feu!
Sir.

All right.

Oh, thank you very much.

"Vous etes tres belle"?
Sir!

All right.

You can't fire me.
I'm from france.

She's got a point.

What point?!
How would I know?

Do it!!

Oh, well, help me out!
Come on, be a team player!

Chip in, muck in!
Come on!

Monique, you're fired.

I hate you.

Oh, now she hates me!

That's not good.

That can't be good.

I don't want to be hated.

Well, I hope you're happy.

You're pathetic.

Am i?
Yes.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

Okay, well, big deal.