02x14 - Episode 14

[bunniefuu]

Ah, here he is.

Ah, here he is.
There he is.

Ah, here he is.
There he is.
Good morning, gentlemen.

There he is.
Good morning, gentlemen.
Morning, joe.

Good morning, gentlemen.
Morning, joe.
What do you got for us?

Morning, joe.
What do you got for us?
Some coffee.

What do you got for us?
Some coffee.
You know, there's nothing like

Some coffee.
You know, there's nothing like
coffee first thing in the

You know, there's nothing like
coffee first thing in the
morning or any time of the day,

Coffee first thing in the
morning or any time of the day,
really.

Morning or any time of the day,
really.
Coffee, cream, stir stick -- the

Really.
Coffee, cream, stir stick -- the
whole coffee experience.

Coffee, cream, stir stick -- the
whole coffee experience.
I got to go, though, now, 'cause

Whole coffee experience.
I got to go, though, now, 'cause
I got to work, work, work.

I got to go, though, now, 'cause
I got to work, work, work.
You know me.

I got to work, work, work.
You know me.
Uh, joe, do you have the

You know me.
Uh, joe, do you have the
report?

Uh, joe, do you have the
report?
Do you have the report?

Report?
Do you have the report?
[ Coughing ]

Do you have the report?
[ Coughing ]
the report?

[ Coughing ]
the report?
[ Coughing louder ]

The report?
[ Coughing louder ]
I don't think he has the

[ Coughing louder ]
I don't think he has the
report.

I don't think he has the
report.
Where's the report, joe?

Report.
Where's the report, joe?
See, I don't think he has the

Where's the report, joe?
See, I don't think he has the
report.

See, I don't think he has the
report.
Do you have the report?

Report.
Do you have the report?
Do you have it, joe?

Do you have the report?
Do you have it, joe?
I am pretty sure he does not

Do you have it, joe?
I am pretty sure he does not
have the report.

I am pretty sure he does not
have the report.
Good work, joe.

Have the report.
Good work, joe.
Gee, I didn't think he had

Good work, joe.
Gee, I didn't think he had
the report.

Good evening and welcome

Good evening and welcome
once again to the pit of

Good evening and welcome
once again to the pit of
ultimate darkness.

Once again to the pit of
ultimate darkness.
Hello, I'm your host,

Ultimate darkness.
Hello, I'm your host,
sir simon milligan.

Hello, I'm your host,
sir simon milligan.
Tonight we enter the dimly lit

Sir simon milligan.
Tonight we enter the dimly lit
regions of the human mind.

Tonight we enter the dimly lit
regions of the human mind.
Who knows what secrets are

Regions of the human mind.
Who knows what secrets are
stored inside this organ?

Who knows what secrets are
stored inside this organ?
Who knows?

Stored inside this organ?
Who knows?
Hey, look -- a quarter.

Who knows?
Hey, look -- a quarter.
Finders keepers!

Hey, look -- a quarter.
Finders keepers!
And now...

Finders keepers!
And now...
I will introduce one who is

And now...
I will introduce one who is
beloved of satan, manservant

I will introduce one who is
beloved of satan, manservant
hecubus.

Beloved of satan, manservant
hecubus.
Good evening, master.

Hecubus.
Good evening, master.
I am here to serve you and...

Good evening, master.
I am here to serve you and...
Satan!

I am here to serve you and...
Satan!
Hecubus, do you know why I

Satan!
Hecubus, do you know why I
was late coming to the show this

Hecubus, do you know why I
was late coming to the show this
evening?

Was late coming to the show this
evening?
No, master.

Evening?
No, master.
Because there was a parked

No, master.
Because there was a parked
car blocking my car in the

Because there was a parked
car blocking my car in the
driveway.

Car blocking my car in the
driveway.
Hecubus, do you own a green

Driveway.
Hecubus, do you own a green
valiant?

Hecubus, do you own a green
valiant?
Yes, I do, master.

Valiant?
Yes, I do, master.
Evil!

Yes, I do, master.
Evil!
Still evil after all these

Evil!
Still evil after all these
years.

Still evil after all these
years.
Hecubus the evil one.

Years.
Hecubus the evil one.
Now on with the show.

Hecubus the evil one.
Now on with the show.
We need a volunteer.

Now on with the show.
We need a volunteer.
Do you dare come to the pit of

We need a volunteer.
Do you dare come to the pit of
darkness?

Do you dare come to the pit of
darkness?
Sure.

Darkness?
Sure.
Arise and approach.

Sure.
Arise and approach.
You are powerless to resist.

Arise and approach.
You are powerless to resist.
Welcome to hell!

You are powerless to resist.
Welcome to hell!
And what is your name?

Welcome to hell!
And what is your name?
My name is tony henderson.

And what is your name?
My name is tony henderson.
Tell me, tony henderson.

My name is tony henderson.
Tell me, tony henderson.
I'm about to rob you of your

Tell me, tony henderson.
I'm about to rob you of your
free will.

I'm about to rob you of your
free will.
Does this frighten you?

Free will.
Does this frighten you?
Sure.

Does this frighten you?
Sure.
You are a chicken!

Sure.
You are a chicken!
He is a chicken!

You are a chicken!
He is a chicken!
Aren't you gonna hypnotize

He is a chicken!
Aren't you gonna hypnotize
me first?

Aren't you gonna hypnotize
me first?
Of course.

Me first?
Of course.
Warming up.

Of course.
Warming up.
Hecubus, hypnotize the victim

Warming up.
Hecubus, hypnotize the victim
with the sleep of ages.

Hecubus, hypnotize the victim
with the sleep of ages.
I need a vacation.

With the sleep of ages.
I need a vacation.
Yes, master.

I need a vacation.
Yes, master.
Tony henderson, repeat after me.

Yes, master.
Tony henderson, repeat after me.
Owa tana siam.

Tony henderson, repeat after me.
Owa tana siam.
Owa tana siam.

Owa tana siam.
Owa tana siam.
Quicker.

Owa tana siam.
Quicker.
Oh, what tana siam.

Quicker.
Oh, what tana siam.
Quicker.

Oh, what tana siam.
Quicker.
Oh, what an ass I am.

Quicker.
Oh, what an ass I am.
Good one, hec!

Oh, what an ass I am.
Good one, hec!
He got you!

Good one, hec!
He got you!
He got you!

He got you!
He got you!
Tony henderson, you've been made

He got you!
Tony henderson, you've been made
a fool of by the forces of

Tony henderson, you've been made
a fool of by the forces of
darkness.

A fool of by the forces of
darkness.
And now the real sleep of ages,

Darkness.
And now the real sleep of ages,
done by a professional.

And now the real sleep of ages,
done by a professional.
Laval saval kuti.

Done by a professional.
Laval saval kuti.
Tony henderson, you are now

Laval saval kuti.
Tony henderson, you are now
asleep.

Tony henderson, you are now
asleep.
Sure.

Asleep.
Sure.
Tony henderson, please stop

Sure.
Tony henderson, please stop
giggling.

Tony henderson, please stop
giggling.
Now you are a chicken!

Giggling.
Now you are a chicken!
He is a chicken!

Now you are a chicken!
He is a chicken!
And in a moment, we'll awake

He is a chicken!
And in a moment, we'll awake
you.

And in a moment, we'll awake
you.
But from now on, please stop

You.
But from now on, please stop
giggling.

But from now on, please stop
giggling.
Bawk!

Giggling.
Bawk!
Whenever you hear this

Bawk!
Whenever you hear this
phrase...

Whenever you hear this
phrase...
Are you sure that's the phrase?

Phrase...
Are you sure that's the phrase?
Whenever you hear the phrase,

Are you sure that's the phrase?
Whenever you hear the phrase,
"she shells sheshells by the

Whenever you hear the phrase,
"she shells sheshells by the
see-shoree."

"She shells sheshells by the
see-shoree."
"She shells sheila, sha na na's

See-shoree."
"She shells sheila, sha na na's
my favorite group."

"She shells sheila, sha na na's
my favorite group."
Whenever you hear that phrase,

My favorite group."
Whenever you hear that phrase,
you will turn back into a

Whenever you hear that phrase,
you will turn back into a
chicken, but for now please stop

You will turn back into a
chicken, but for now please stop
giggling.

Chicken, but for now please stop
giggling.
, , , You are awake.

Giggling.
, , , You are awake.
Awake!

, , , You are awake.
Awake!
Now go to your -to- world,

Awake!
Now go to your -to- world,
cursed by my spell.

Now go to your -to- world,
cursed by my spell.
Thank you for volunteering and

Cursed by my spell.
Thank you for volunteering and
being a good sport.

Thank you for volunteering and
being a good sport.
You guys are really funny.

Being a good sport.
You guys are really funny.
No, we're not.

You guys are really funny.
No, we're not.
We're evil.

No, we're not.
We're evil.
That is the end.

We're evil.
That is the end.
[ Silence ]

That is the end.
[ Silence ]
the end, where you the audience

[ Silence ]
the end, where you the audience
courteously applauds at us the

The end, where you the audience
courteously applauds at us the
act.

Courteously applauds at us the
act.
The -- the end.

Act.
The -- the end.
Thank you!

The -- the end.
Thank you!
Have a good night, and please

Thank you!
Have a good night, and please
remember to turn your clocks

Have a good night, and please
remember to turn your clocks
back one hour.

Remember to turn your clocks
back one hour.
Evil reigns!

Yay!

Wow.

Wow.
One thing I hear a lot is,

Wow.
One thing I hear a lot is,
people say, "bruce, what's this

One thing I hear a lot is,
people say, "bruce, what's this
with you and jazz?

People say, "bruce, what's this
with you and jazz?
What's the beef with you and

With you and jazz?
What's the beef with you and
jazz music?"

What's the beef with you and
jazz music?"
I say, "well, I really hate

Jazz music?"
I say, "well, I really hate
jazz."

I say, "well, I really hate
jazz."
They say, "what do you hate

Jazz."
They say, "what do you hate
about poor, old jazz?"

They say, "what do you hate
about poor, old jazz?"
I say, "the sound.

About poor, old jazz?"
I say, "the sound.
The sound that jazz instruments

I say, "the sound.
The sound that jazz instruments
make when they're being

The sound that jazz instruments
make when they're being
manipulated by jazz players for

Make when they're being
manipulated by jazz players for
the delight of jazz respondents.

Manipulated by jazz players for
the delight of jazz respondents.
I think of it as musical barf."

The delight of jazz respondents.
I think of it as musical barf."
They say, "I don't think you've

I think of it as musical barf."
They say, "I don't think you've
given jazz a chance."

They say, "I don't think you've
given jazz a chance."
Well, I maintain, I haven't

Given jazz a chance."
Well, I maintain, I haven't
given su1c1de a chance, but...

Well, I maintain, I haven't
given su1c1de a chance, but...
Well, I did give su1c1de a

Given su1c1de a chance, but...
Well, I did give su1c1de a
chance, but that's only 'cause I

Well, I did give su1c1de a
chance, but that's only 'cause I
was threatened with jazz.

Chance, but that's only 'cause I
was threatened with jazz.
You know, jazz music.

Was threatened with jazz.
You know, jazz music.
One thing I hate -- one thing I

You know, jazz music.
One thing I hate -- one thing I
hate is being woken up in the

One thing I hate -- one thing I
hate is being woken up in the
middle of the night, when I'm

Hate is being woken up in the
middle of the night, when I'm
dreaming about, let's say,

Middle of the night, when I'm
dreaming about, let's say,
promiscuity with dignity by a

Dreaming about, let's say,
promiscuity with dignity by a
rap-tap-tappin' on my window by

Promiscuity with dignity by a
rap-tap-tappin' on my window by
those guys with goatee things on

Rap-tap-tappin' on my window by
those guys with goatee things on
their faces, saying, "hey, can

Those guys with goatee things on
their faces, saying, "hey, can
we come in?

Their faces, saying, "hey, can
we come in?
Beano's clarinet's gettin' wet."

We come in?
Beano's clarinet's gettin' wet."
And then they go into this sort

Beano's clarinet's gettin' wet."
And then they go into this sort
of gene krupa trance.

And then they go into this sort
of gene krupa trance.
Jazz schmazz.

Of gene krupa trance.
Jazz schmazz.
I'm sorry.

Jazz schmazz.
I'm sorry.
I've got to go that far.

I'm sorry.
I've got to go that far.
Jazz schmazz.

I've got to go that far.
Jazz schmazz.
You know what?

Jazz schmazz.
You know what?
I'd like to declare this a

You know what?
I'd like to declare this a
jazz-free zone, about miles

I'd like to declare this a
jazz-free zone, about miles
as far as the jazz-hating crow

Jazz-free zone, about miles
as far as the jazz-hating crow
flies in any direction.

As far as the jazz-hating crow
flies in any direction.
Just paradise.

Flies in any direction.
Just paradise.
Those guys would go to work, and

Just paradise.
Those guys would go to work, and
it wouldn't be there.

Those guys would go to work, and
it wouldn't be there.
I'm gonna ask a question.

It wouldn't be there.
I'm gonna ask a question.
What sort of music do you think

I'm gonna ask a question.
What sort of music do you think
there is in hell?

What sort of music do you think
there is in hell?
You know,

There is in hell?
You know,
h-e-double hockey stick?

You know,
h-e-double hockey stick?
Well, I think it's probably

H-e-double hockey stick?
Well, I think it's probably
hateful, free-form jazz.

Well, I think it's probably
hateful, free-form jazz.
And in heaven?

Hateful, free-form jazz.
And in heaven?
Country-and-western music.

And in heaven?
Country-and-western music.
The choice is pretty obvious.

Country-and-western music.
The choice is pretty obvious.
It's not jazz.

The choice is pretty obvious.
It's not jazz.
It's not bop-a-dop, be-ba-dop,

It's not jazz.
It's not bop-a-dop, be-ba-dop,
bo-ba-dop, bo jazz.

It's not bop-a-dop, be-ba-dop,
bo-ba-dop, bo jazz.
What's that?

Bo-ba-dop, bo jazz.
What's that?
A recorder or something?

What's that?
A recorder or something?
I'm not into it.

A recorder or something?
I'm not into it.
Fuzz pedal -- that's what I'm

I'm not into it.
Fuzz pedal -- that's what I'm
into, you know?

Fuzz pedal -- that's what I'm
into, you know?
Stuff like that.

[ Rings ]

[ Rings ]
hello.

[ Rings ]
hello.
Yeah.

Hello.
Yeah.
Yeah.

Yeah.
Yeah.
Tony?

Yeah.
Tony?
Thanks.

Tony?
Thanks.
Hello?

Thanks.
Hello?
Tony henderson?

Hello?
Tony henderson?
Mm-hmm.

Tony henderson?
Mm-hmm.
Yes?

Mm-hmm.
Yes?
She sells sally shish kebab!

Yes?
She sells sally shish kebab!
Beg your pardon?

She sells sally shish kebab!
Beg your pardon?
Seaside sha na na zasu pitts!

Beg your pardon?
Seaside sha na na zasu pitts!
Have you got the right

Seaside sha na na zasu pitts!
Have you got the right
number?

Have you got the right
number?
Evil!

Number?
Evil!
Silakakay wookee papa!

Evil!
Silakakay wookee papa!
Close enough!

Silakakay wookee papa!
Close enough!
Yes!

She sells saysofotus sassy shoy

She sells saysofotus sassy shoy
sha!

She sells saysofotus sassy shoy
sha!
You are a chicken!

Sha!
You are a chicken!
Hey, you okay?

You are a chicken!
Hey, you okay?
Oh, yeah.

Hey, you okay?
Oh, yeah.
No, I was just thinking.

Oh, yeah.
No, I was just thinking.
I saw the worst hypnotist act

No, I was just thinking.
I saw the worst hypnotist act
last week.

I saw the worst hypnotist act
last week.
Oh, yeah?

Last week.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, no.

Oh, yeah?
Yeah, no.
It was, like, these two...

But, master, he did not

But, master, he did not
become a chicken!

But, master, he did not
become a chicken!
Yes, hecubus, but you must

Become a chicken!
Yes, hecubus, but you must
remember.

Yes, hecubus, but you must
remember.
The path of evil twists and

Remember.
The path of evil twists and
turns and winds.

The path of evil twists and
turns and winds.
No, tony henderson did not turn

Turns and winds.
No, tony henderson did not turn
into a chicken, but our phone

No, tony henderson did not turn
into a chicken, but our phone
call kept him away from his

Into a chicken, but our phone
call kept him away from his
work.

Call kept him away from his
work.
Ah, and he'll be in trouble

Work.
Ah, and he'll be in trouble
with his boss.

Ah, and he'll be in trouble
with his boss.
And productivity will go

With his boss.
And productivity will go
down.

And productivity will go
down.
Down!

Down.
Down!
Down!

Down!
Down!
Down!

Down!
Down!
Down!

Down!
Down!
Down!

Down!
Down!
Down!

At the beginning of this

At the beginning of this
year, as some of you keeners

At the beginning of this
year, as some of you keeners
might remember, the "kids in the

Year, as some of you keeners
might remember, the "kids in the
hall" launched the

Might remember, the "kids in the
hall" launched the
"touch paul bellini" contest,

Hall" launched the
"touch paul bellini" contest,
the contest in which you, the

"Touch paul bellini" contest,
the contest in which you, the
viewer, could win an opportunity

The contest in which you, the
viewer, could win an opportunity
to touch paul bellini.

Viewer, could win an opportunity
to touch paul bellini.
Well, the response was

To touch paul bellini.
Well, the response was
overwhelming, with over ,

Well, the response was
overwhelming, with over ,
callers calling in the first

Overwhelming, with over ,
callers calling in the first
/ seconds alone from all

Callers calling in the first
/ seconds alone from all
over the united states.

/ Seconds alone from all
over the united states.
But, unfortunately, there could

Over the united states.
But, unfortunately, there could
only be one winner.

But, unfortunately, there could
only be one winner.
The prize himself, paul bellini,

Only be one winner.
The prize himself, paul bellini,
selected the winner out of a

The prize himself, paul bellini,
selected the winner out of a
hat.

Selected the winner out of a
hat.
And that winner of this year's

Hat.
And that winner of this year's
"touch paul bellini"

And that winner of this year's
"touch paul bellini"
contest is...

"Touch paul bellini"
contest is...
[ Drumroll ]

Contest is...
[ Drumroll ]
...this gal, rebecca klatka of

[ Drumroll ]
...this gal, rebecca klatka of
st. Petersburg, florida.

...this gal, rebecca klatka of
st. Petersburg, florida.
So, stay tuned, because in an

St. Petersburg, florida.
So, stay tuned, because in an
upcoming episode of the "kids in

So, stay tuned, because in an
upcoming episode of the "kids in
the hall" show, rebecca klatka

Upcoming episode of the "kids in
the hall" show, rebecca klatka
will stand face-to-face with

The hall" show, rebecca klatka
will stand face-to-face with
this interesting human specimen

Will stand face-to-face with
this interesting human specimen
and touch bellini.

...with the three chairs.

...with the three chairs.
We got the three chairs.

...with the three chairs.
We got the three chairs.
This is my idea -- replacing the

We got the three chairs.
This is my idea -- replacing the
one big sofa.

This is my idea -- replacing the
one big sofa.
And then you can put the sofa

One big sofa.
And then you can put the sofa
against the wall or underneath

And then you can put the sofa
against the wall or underneath
the window.

Against the wall or underneath
the window.
I think it would look nice, and

The window.
I think it would look nice, and
I like that lamp.

I think it would look nice, and
I like that lamp.
Truly is the finest feature of

I like that lamp.
Truly is the finest feature of
the living-room space.

Truly is the finest feature of
the living-room space.
Space is the whole key to a

The living-room space.
Space is the whole key to a
happy living room, you know?

Space is the whole key to a
happy living room, you know?
Maybe we should get borders to

Happy living room, you know?
Maybe we should get borders to
come in so the living room looks

Maybe we should get borders to
come in so the living room looks
tighter.

Come in so the living room looks
tighter.
Maybe we should have people in

Tighter.
Maybe we should have people in
here all the time.

Maybe we should have people in
here all the time.
You know, always have parties

Here all the time.
You know, always have parties
and invite people in.

You know, always have parties
and invite people in.
I was never happy with the

And invite people in.
I was never happy with the
second floor.

I was never happy with the
second floor.
Maybe we should take out the

Second floor.
Maybe we should take out the
second floor.

Maybe we should take out the
second floor.
Put it beside the living room.

Second floor.
Put it beside the living room.
Leave a very wide living room.

Put it beside the living room.
Leave a very wide living room.
Of course, the interesting thing

Leave a very wide living room.
Of course, the interesting thing
about space is, honey, is that

Of course, the interesting thing
about space is, honey, is that
it is everywhere you go.

About space is, honey, is that
it is everywhere you go.
Matter of fact, I kind of like

It is everywhere you go.
Matter of fact, I kind of like
the way they use the space here.

Matter of fact, I kind of like
the way they use the space here.
Excuse me, hon.

The way they use the space here.
Excuse me, hon.
I've got to go freshen my

Excuse me, hon.
I've got to go freshen my
hors d'oeuvres.

I've got to go freshen my
hors d'oeuvres.
Hi.

Hors d'oeuvres.
Hi.
Hi.

Hi.
Hi.
Hors d'oeuvres.

Hi.
Hors d'oeuvres.
Yes.

Hors d'oeuvres.
Yes.
I loved them as a child

Yes.
I loved them as a child
me too.

Then we should meet for lunch

Then we should meet for lunch
sometime.

Then we should meet for lunch
sometime.
Yeah, there's nothing wrong

Sometime.
Yeah, there's nothing wrong
with that.

Yeah, there's nothing wrong
with that.
No.

With that.
No.
Not just lunch.

Honey, mingle.

Honey, mingle.
Hello, sharon!

Honey, mingle.
Hello, sharon!
Darrill, hi!

Hello, sharon!
Darrill, hi!
Good to see you.

Darrill, hi!
Good to see you.
Good to see you.

Good to see you.
Good to see you.
Rory, thank you for finally

Good to see you.
Rory, thank you for finally
coming to one of my parties.

Rory, thank you for finally
coming to one of my parties.
Thanks for inviting us.

Coming to one of my parties.
Thanks for inviting us.
Listen, come on over here.

Thanks for inviting us.
Listen, come on over here.
There's someone I want to

Listen, come on over here.
There's someone I want to
introduce you to.

There's someone I want to
introduce you to.
Good, mingling.

Introduce you to.
Good, mingling.
Sandra, darling.

Good, mingling.
Sandra, darling.
Turn around.

Sandra, darling.
Turn around.
I want you to meet sharon and

Turn around.
I want you to meet sharon and
rory.

I want you to meet sharon and
rory.
Rory and sharon, this is my

Rory.
Rory and sharon, this is my
wife, sandra.

Rory and sharon, this is my
wife, sandra.
She's all I have in the world.

Wife, sandra.
She's all I have in the world.
Uh, nice to meet you, ma'am.

She's all I have in the world.
Uh, nice to meet you, ma'am.
Well, go on, sandra.

Uh, nice to meet you, ma'am.
Well, go on, sandra.
Rory doesn't bite.

Hors d'oeuvres?

Hors d'oeuvres?
No, thanks.

Hors d'oeuvres?
No, thanks.
You know me and food.

No, thanks.
You know me and food.
Hors d'oeuvres?

You know me and food.
Hors d'oeuvres?
Uh, no, thanks.

Hors d'oeuvres?
Uh, no, thanks.
I had lunch alone in my office.

Uh, no, thanks.
I had lunch alone in my office.
Aah!

I had lunch alone in my office.
Aah!
Hey, you two should have an

Aah!
Hey, you two should have an
affair.

Sandra, you don't usually

Sandra, you don't usually
laugh this much.

Sandra, you don't usually
laugh this much.
She sure has been shaving her

Laugh this much.
She sure has been shaving her
legs an awful lot.

She sure has been shaving her
legs an awful lot.
What are we doing?

Legs an awful lot.
What are we doing?
This is crazy.

What are we doing?
This is crazy.
We're involved in...craziness.

This is crazy.
We're involved in...craziness.
Your wife...my husband.

We're involved in...craziness.
Your wife...my husband.
I think he knows.

Your wife...my husband.
I think he knows.
We've got to talk.

[ Moaning ]

We forgot to talk.

We forgot to talk.
Right.

We forgot to talk.
Right.
Listen.

Right.
Listen.
What are we doing?

Listen.
What are we doing?
You're right.

What are we doing?
You're right.
This is crazy.

You're right.
This is crazy.
We're involved in craziness.

This is crazy.
We're involved in craziness.
You're right.

We're involved in craziness.
You're right.
Your husband...

You're right.
Your husband...
Your wife.

Your husband...
Your wife.
You're right.

Your wife.
You're right.
I think they know.

You're right.
I think they know.
Bye.

I think they know.
Bye.
Bye.

[ Sloshing ]

[ Thudding ]

[ Thudding ]
[ sloshing continues ]

[ Thudding ]
[ sloshing continues ]
[ boinging ]

[ Sloshing continues ]
[ boinging ]
[ deflating ]

[ Boinging ]
[ deflating ]
[ squishing ]

[ Deflating ]
[ squishing ]
I love it.

[ Roars ]

[ Speaking foreign language ]

[ Engine turns over ]

[ Engine turns over ]
[ tires screech ]

I've been corresponding with

I've been corresponding with
elizabeth windsor now for

I've been corresponding with
elizabeth windsor now for
years.

Elizabeth windsor now for
years.
She is not the queen of england

Years.
She is not the queen of england
to me.

She is not the queen of england
to me.
She's an old friend.

To me.
She's an old friend.
That's years of

She's an old friend.
That's years of
sharing -- sharing secrets,

That's years of
sharing -- sharing secrets,
sharing laughter, and jewels.

Sharing -- sharing secrets,
sharing laughter, and jewels.
She calls this a wand.

Sharing laughter, and jewels.
She calls this a wand.
Doesn't really work.

She calls this a wand.
Doesn't really work.
She's never called me "buddy."

Doesn't really work.
She's never called me "buddy."
She's always addressed me by my

She's never called me "buddy."
She's always addressed me by my
full name, butterick.

She's always addressed me by my
full name, butterick.
Here's her latest missive now.

Full name, butterick.
Here's her latest missive now.
I wonder what she's got to say.

Here's her latest missive now.
I wonder what she's got to say.
Oh!

I wonder what she's got to say.
Oh!
It is magic!

Oh!
It is magic!
[ Sighs ]

It is magic!
[ Sighs ]
"dearest butterick, it's us

[ Sighs ]
"dearest butterick, it's us
again..."

"Dearest butterick, it's us
again..."
We are fine.

Again..."
We are fine.
The weather is fine.

We are fine.
The weather is fine.
Mother is fine.

The weather is fine.
Mother is fine.
And charles keeps nagging me to

Mother is fine.
And charles keeps nagging me to
abdicate.

And charles keeps nagging me to
abdicate.
But, butterick, it is my

Abdicate.
But, butterick, it is my
youngest, edward, who concerns

But, butterick, it is my
youngest, edward, who concerns
me at this juncture, for I fear

Youngest, edward, who concerns
me at this juncture, for I fear
that he might be, frankly, of a

Me at this juncture, for I fear
that he might be, frankly, of a
delicate nature.

That he might be, frankly, of a
delicate nature.
You know?

Delicate nature.
You know?
Not on the team, as they say.

You know?
Not on the team, as they say.
What I would like to know is,

Not on the team, as they say.
What I would like to know is,
how can you tell?

What I would like to know is,
how can you tell?
I thought that you'd be an

How can you tell?
I thought that you'd be an
expert in these matters, and

I thought that you'd be an
expert in these matters, and
since beatrix is quite mad,

Expert in these matters, and
since beatrix is quite mad,
you're the only other queen that

Since beatrix is quite mad,
you're the only other queen that
I know.

You're the only other queen that
I know.
Please advise at once.

I know.
Please advise at once.
I don't want to have to turn to

Please advise at once.
I don't want to have to turn to
elton john.

I don't want to have to turn to
elton john.
Sincerely, your devoted monarch,

Elton john.
Sincerely, your devoted monarch,
beth.

Sincerely, your devoted monarch,
beth.
Lovely, done.

Beth.
Lovely, done.
"P.s.: What can you tell me

Lovely, done.
"P.s.: What can you tell me
about this

"P.s.: What can you tell me
about this
andrew lloyd webber fellow?

About this
andrew lloyd webber fellow?
I don't trust a man without a

Andrew lloyd webber fellow?
I don't trust a man without a
chin."

I don't trust a man without a
chin."
Who does?

Chin."
Who does?
Listen, lizzy's in a tizzy.

Who does?
Listen, lizzy's in a tizzy.
I must write back to her

Listen, lizzy's in a tizzy.
I must write back to her
immediatement.

I must write back to her
immediatement.
Ma cheri...oh, she'll hate that.

Immediatement.
Ma cheri...oh, she'll hate that.
She hates it when I write in

Ma cheri...oh, she'll hate that.
She hates it when I write in
french.

She hates it when I write in
french.
I usually correspond in f*g, but

French.
I usually correspond in f*g, but
it's incredible how often

I usually correspond in f*g, but
it's incredible how often
they're the same thing,

It's incredible how often
they're the same thing,
n'est-ce pas?

They're the same thing,
n'est-ce pas?
Ma cheri, I really don't know

N'est-ce pas?
Ma cheri, I really don't know
that much about edward, just

Ma cheri, I really don't know
that much about edward, just
what I read in the tabloids.

That much about edward, just
what I read in the tabloids.
But here goes.

What I read in the tabloids.
But here goes.
I think he throws a ball like a

But here goes.
I think he throws a ball like a
girl.

I think he throws a ball like a
girl.
He seems skittish, and, frankly,

Girl.
He seems skittish, and, frankly,
queen to queen, sometimes you

He seems skittish, and, frankly,
queen to queen, sometimes you
can really tell.

Queen to queen, sometimes you
can really tell.
Being british doesn't help,

Can really tell.
Being british doesn't help,
either.

Being british doesn't help,
either.
Oh!

Either.
Oh!
That was close!

Oh!
That was close!
Oh, my god, the royal seal.

That was close!
Oh, my god, the royal seal.
The lady's in a hurry.

Oh, my god, the royal seal.
The lady's in a hurry.
Dearest butterick, things

The lady's in a hurry.
Dearest butterick, things
have gotten much worse here at

Dearest butterick, things
have gotten much worse here at
the castle.

Have gotten much worse here at
the castle.
I confronted edward with my

The castle.
I confronted edward with my
suspicions, and he fled into the

I confronted edward with my
suspicions, and he fled into the
night.

Suspicions, and he fled into the
night.
No one has seen him for weeks.

Night.
No one has seen him for weeks.
Butterick, I am an absolute

No one has seen him for weeks.
Butterick, I am an absolute
wreck over the whole kafuffle.

Butterick, I am an absolute
wreck over the whole kafuffle.
I am completely out of my mind,

Wreck over the whole kafuffle.
I am completely out of my mind,
over the top, beyond the edge,

I am completely out of my mind,
over the top, beyond the edge,
clinging by a thread, ready to

Over the top, beyond the edge,
clinging by a thread, ready to
snap!

Clinging by a thread, ready to
snap!
Sincerely, a completely looney

Snap!
Sincerely, a completely looney
liz windsor.

Sincerely, a completely looney
liz windsor.
[ Laughs maniacally ]

Liz windsor.
[ Laughs maniacally ]
liz, get a grip!

[ Laughs maniacally ]
liz, get a grip!
Just because you're british

Liz, get a grip!
Just because you're british
doesn't mean you have to

Just because you're british
doesn't mean you have to
overact.

Doesn't mean you have to
overact.
Regardless of whether or not

Overact.
Regardless of whether or not
edward is special, a f*g at

Regardless of whether or not
edward is special, a f*g at
buckingham palace can hardly be

Edward is special, a f*g at
buckingham palace can hardly be
a surprise.

Buckingham palace can hardly be
a surprise.
Your mother is the biggest fruit

A surprise.
Your mother is the biggest fruit
fly in all of merry, old

Your mother is the biggest fruit
fly in all of merry, old
england.

Fly in all of merry, old
england.
Dinogram for buddy cole.

England.
Dinogram for buddy cole.
Oh, thanks.

Dinogram for buddy cole.
Oh, thanks.
Oh, my god!

Oh, thanks.
Oh, my god!
It's from edward.

Oh, my god!
It's from edward.
Curtain's going up.

It's from edward.
Curtain's going up.
Dearest buddy, please help me.

Curtain's going up.
Dearest buddy, please help me.
Mother's gone absolutely potty.

Dearest buddy, please help me.
Mother's gone absolutely potty.
Please let me come and stay at

Mother's gone absolutely potty.
Please let me come and stay at
your pub for a while.

Please let me come and stay at
your pub for a while.
I'll make myself useful.

Your pub for a while.
I'll make myself useful.
I can handle cash.

I'll make myself useful.
I can handle cash.
I did do box office for "cats,"

I can handle cash.
I did do box office for "cats,"
you know.

I did do box office for "cats,"
you know.
And I do love toronto.

You know.
And I do love toronto.
Please help me, edward.

And I do love toronto.
Please help me, edward.
[ Applause ]

Please help me, edward.
[ Applause ]
curtain's going down.

[ Applause ]
curtain's going down.
Good job.

Curtain's going down.
Good job.
Well, of course, I'll give

Good job.
Well, of course, I'll give
the poor boy refuge.

Well, of course, I'll give
the poor boy refuge.
I'm the ambassador of free love.

The poor boy refuge.
I'm the ambassador of free love.
"Buddy's" has diplomatic

I'm the ambassador of free love.
"Buddy's" has diplomatic
immunity.

"Buddy's" has diplomatic
immunity.
I just hope they don't surround

Immunity.
I just hope they don't surround
the place with sweaty british

I just hope they don't surround
the place with sweaty british
soldiers blaring rock music.

The place with sweaty british
soldiers blaring rock music.
I just might have to surrender.