03x19 - Episode 19

[bunniefuu]

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]
[ music stops ]

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]
[ music stops ]
[ music resumes ]

[ Music stops ]
[ music resumes ]
what?

[ Music resumes ]
what?
What?

What?
What?
What?!

What?
What?!
What?

What?!
What?
[ Telephone rings ]

What?
[ Telephone rings ]
could you?

[ Telephone rings ]
could you?
You --

Could you?
You --
[ groans ]

You --
[ groans ]
what?

[ Groans ]
what?
What?!

What?
What?!
[ Knocking on door ]

What?!
[ Knocking on door ]
what?!

[ Knocking on door ]
what?!
[ Knocking continues ]

What?!
[ Knocking continues ]
wha-a-t?

[ Knocking continues ]
wha-a-t?
What?!

Wha-a-t?
What?!
What?

What?!
What?
What?

What?
What?
[ Crying ] wha-a-a-a-t?

What?
[ Crying ] wha-a-a-a-t?
What?

[ Crying ] wha-a-a-a-t?
What?
Wha-a-a-a-t?!

What?
Wha-a-a-a-t?!
Wha-a-a-a-at?!!

Wha-a-a-a-t?!
Wha-a-a-a-at?!!
[ Cheers and applause ]

Good evening, and welcome to

Good evening, and welcome to
the pit of penultimate darkness.

Good evening, and welcome to
the pit of penultimate darkness.
Apparently, someone's opened a

The pit of penultimate darkness.
Apparently, someone's opened a
pit slightly darker than this

Apparently, someone's opened a
pit slightly darker than this
one.

Pit slightly darker than this
one.
I am, of course,

One.
I am, of course,
m.c. Simon milligan, master of

I am, of course,
m.c. Simon milligan, master of
funk...

M.c. Simon milligan, master of
funk...
And evil!

Funk...
And evil!
Today, we will look at the evil

And evil!
Today, we will look at the evil
you kids can have on a rainy

Today, we will look at the evil
you kids can have on a rainy
day.

You kids can have on a rainy
day.
Did you know you could summon up

Day.
Did you know you could summon up
the powers of darkness in the

Did you know you could summon up
the powers of darkness in the
comfort of your own home?

The powers of darkness in the
comfort of your own home?
It's true.

Comfort of your own home?
It's true.
All you need is common household

It's true.
All you need is common household
baking soda, some white vinegar,

All you need is common household
baking soda, some white vinegar,
and goat's blood.

Baking soda, some white vinegar,
and goat's blood.
You might want to get your mom

And goat's blood.
You might want to get your mom
to help you with the slaughter

You might want to get your mom
to help you with the slaughter
of the goat.

To help you with the slaughter
of the goat.
To assist me, I would like to

Of the goat.
To assist me, I would like to
introduce manservant hecubus.

To assist me, I would like to
introduce manservant hecubus.
Manservant hecubus.

Introduce manservant hecubus.
Manservant hecubus.
Hecubus?

Manservant hecubus.
Hecubus?
Hecubus?

Hecubus?
Hecubus?
How's it hangin', buddy?

Hecubus?
How's it hangin', buddy?
Um, evil's hanging all around

How's it hangin', buddy?
Um, evil's hanging all around
like a cheap perf-- what the

Um, evil's hanging all around
like a cheap perf-- what the
hell's wrong with you?

Like a cheap perf-- what the
hell's wrong with you?
I'm sick.

Hell's wrong with you?
I'm sick.
[ Chuckles ]

I'm sick.
[ Chuckles ]
I'm very sick.

[ Chuckles ]
I'm very sick.
But you know, it's a beautiful

I'm very sick.
But you know, it's a beautiful
day.

But you know, it's a beautiful
day.
What do you say we go outside

Day.
What do you say we go outside
and we get a pizza?

What do you say we go outside
and we get a pizza?
I could k*ll for a pizza.

And we get a pizza?
I could k*ll for a pizza.
Hecubus, you're drunk.

I could k*ll for a pizza.
Hecubus, you're drunk.
Oh, come on, I'm pacing

Hecubus, you're drunk.
Oh, come on, I'm pacing
myself, grandma.

Oh, come on, I'm pacing
myself, grandma.
Don't call me "grandma."

Myself, grandma.
Don't call me "grandma."
Hey, little birdie, fly away.

Don't call me "grandma."
Hey, little birdie, fly away.
You're free!

Hey, little birdie, fly away.
You're free!
Hecubus, you broke my crow.

You're free!
Hecubus, you broke my crow.
I won this at a high school

Hecubus, you broke my crow.
I won this at a high school
dance.

I won this at a high school
dance.
You're fired!

Dance.
You're fired!
Fine.

You're fired!
Fine.
Me and mr. Vodka don't hang

Fine.
Me and mr. Vodka don't hang
around where we're not wanted.

Oh, hecubus.

Manservant hecubus.

Manservant hecubus.
Good evening, my son.

Manservant hecubus.
Good evening, my son.
Manservant hecubus.

Good evening, my son.
Manservant hecubus.
Good evening, master.

Manservant hecubus.
Good evening, master.
Manservant hecubus.

Good evening, master.
Manservant hecubus.
Uh, what's shakin', cookie?

Manservant hecubus.
Uh, what's shakin', cookie?
Aah!

Uh, what's shakin', cookie?
Aah!
Look, simone, strawberry pie,

Aah!
Look, simone, strawberry pie,
I'm sorry, but it's right

Look, simone, strawberry pie,
I'm sorry, but it's right
here all in black and white --

I'm sorry, but it's right
here all in black and white --
no hecubus, no "checkubus."

Here all in black and white --
no hecubus, no "checkubus."
Don't worry, sasha.

No hecubus, no "checkubus."
Don't worry, sasha.
I have everything under control.

Don't worry, sasha.
I have everything under control.
Mm.

I have everything under control.
Mm.
I'm on.

Mm.
I'm on.
Be good.

I'm on.
Be good.
I will.

Be good.
I will.
[ Cheers and applause ]

I will.
[ Cheers and applause ]
good evening, I am

[ Cheers and applause ]
good evening, I am
sir simon milligan, and welcome

Good evening, I am
sir simon milligan, and welcome
to the pit of ultimate dark--

Sir simon milligan, and welcome
to the pit of ultimate dark--
[ chanting ] we want hecubus!

To the pit of ultimate dark--
[ chanting ] we want hecubus!
We want hecubus!

[ Chanting ] we want hecubus!
We want hecubus!
We want hecubus!

We want hecubus!
We want hecubus!
And now, manservant hecubus.

We want hecubus!
And now, manservant hecubus.
[ Cheers and applause ]

And now, manservant hecubus.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ high-pitched voice ] good

[ Cheers and applause ]
[ high-pitched voice ] good
evening, master.

[ High-pitched voice ] good
evening, master.
I am ready for some evil.

Evening, master.
I am ready for some evil.
My, you look handsome today,

I am ready for some evil.
My, you look handsome today,
master.

My, you look handsome today,
master.
[ Normal voice ] why, thank --

Master.
[ Normal voice ] why, thank --
hey, it's a hand puppet.

[ Normal voice ] why, thank --
hey, it's a hand puppet.
This guy's got a hand puppet.

Hey, it's a hand puppet.
This guy's got a hand puppet.
[ Boos and jeering ]

This guy's got a hand puppet.
[ Boos and jeering ]
you're fired!

[ Chanting ] we want the real

[ Chanting ] we want the real
hecubus!

Hecubus!
We want the real hecubus!

We want the real hecubus!
We want the real hecubus!

[ Clicks ]

[ Water running ]

[ Glass breaks ]

Mary, is that you?

Hmm.

Hmm.
Unh.

Hmm.
Unh.
Wow, good one, dad.

Unh.
Wow, good one, dad.
[ Laughs ]

Wow, good one, dad.
[ Laughs ]
come on.

[ Laughs ]
come on.
Hey -- dignity.

Come on.
Hey -- dignity.
Now out the window.

Hey -- dignity.
Now out the window.
Give me that.

Now out the window.
Give me that.
Get up there.

Give me that.
Get up there.
Come on.

Get up there.
Come on.
Come on.

Come on.
Come on.
Come on, jump.

Come on.
Come on, jump.
Catch.

Come on, jump.
Catch.
Unh!

Catch.
Unh!
Good one.

Unh!
Good one.
Hmm.

Good one.
Hmm.
A clock radio.

Hmm.
A clock radio.
I could really use one of those.

A clock radio.
I could really use one of those.
If I'm not out in a couple of

I could really use one of those.
If I'm not out in a couple of
minutes, wait for me at the

If I'm not out in a couple of
minutes, wait for me at the
place, okay?

Minutes, wait for me at the
place, okay?
Okay.

Place, okay?
Okay.
All right.

Okay.
All right.
[ Gasps ]

All right.
[ Gasps ]
huh?

[ Gasps ]
huh?
Aah!

Huh?
Aah!
[ Both grunting and groaning ]

[ Grunting and groaning

[ Grunting and groaning
continues ]

[ Upbeat latin music plays ]

[ Both grunting and screeching ]

[ Both grunting and screeching ]
[ sighs ]

[ Grunting and screeching

[ Grunting and screeching
continues ]

Both: whoa!

Both: whoa!
[ Panting ]

Both: whoa!
[ Panting ]
ugh.

[ Panting ]
ugh.
Baby, what are you doing in

Ugh.
Baby, what are you doing in
there?

Baby, what are you doing in
there?
Oh, my god.

There?
Oh, my god.
What?

Oh, my god.
What?
Gary, are you gay again?

What?
Gary, are you gay again?
No...i-i can explain.

Gary, are you gay again?
No...i-i can explain.
It -- it --

No...i-i can explain.
It -- it --
this gu--

It -- it --
this gu--
[ upbeat latin music plays ]

Oh, well, here we are, my

Oh, well, here we are, my
bedroom.

Oh, well, here we are, my
bedroom.
Wow, I still can't believe

Bedroom.
Wow, I still can't believe
you used that old line on me.

Wow, I still can't believe
you used that old line on me.
What line is that?

You used that old line on me.
What line is that?
You know, about coming up to

What line is that?
You know, about coming up to
your room and seeing your

You know, about coming up to
your room and seeing your
etchings.

Your room and seeing your
etchings.
I mean, why didn't you just say,

Etchings.
I mean, why didn't you just say,
"I want to make love to you"?

I mean, why didn't you just say,
"I want to make love to you"?
"I want to make love to you."

"I want to make love to you"?
"I want to make love to you."
So you don't want to look at

"I want to make love to you."
So you don't want to look at
them?

So you don't want to look at
them?
What?

Them?
What?
No, I just thought that you and

What?
No, I just thought that you and
I were going to -- so, who's

No, I just thought that you and
I were going to -- so, who's
this?

I were going to -- so, who's
this?
Oh, well, that is a portrait

This?
Oh, well, that is a portrait
in progress of my mother.

Oh, well, that is a portrait
in progress of my mother.
Is she still alive?

In progress of my mother.
Is she still alive?
Oh, very much so.

Is she still alive?
Oh, very much so.
Though I must admit, when I left

Oh, very much so.
Though I must admit, when I left
belgium, it nearly k*lled her.

Though I must admit, when I left
belgium, it nearly k*lled her.
Oh, well, you know, you're

Belgium, it nearly k*lled her.
Oh, well, you know, you're
better off, because a lot of the

Oh, well, you know, you're
better off, because a lot of the
men I've dated have been such

Better off, because a lot of the
men I've dated have been such
mama's boys.

Men I've dated have been such
mama's boys.
Oh, well, then you won't be

Mama's boys.
Oh, well, then you won't be
disappointed in me.

Oh, well, then you won't be
disappointed in me.
I'm the original mama's boy, a

Disappointed in me.
I'm the original mama's boy, a
real tit clutcher.

I'm the original mama's boy, a
real tit clutcher.
[ Imitates baby crying ]

Real tit clutcher.
[ Imitates baby crying ]
really?

[ Imitates baby crying ]
really?
Yes.

Really?
Yes.
As a matter of fact, most of the

Yes.
As a matter of fact, most of the
women I have been intimate with

As a matter of fact, most of the
women I have been intimate with
look a little bit like my

Women I have been intimate with
look a little bit like my
mother.

Look a little bit like my
mother.
Ew.

Mother.
Ew.
Ah, but mama was such a

Ew.
Ah, but mama was such a
beautiful creature.

Ah, but mama was such a
beautiful creature.
I remember when we were younger,

Beautiful creature.
I remember when we were younger,
we used to sit around the

I remember when we were younger,
we used to sit around the
kuche -- the kitchen -- and

We used to sit around the
kuche -- the kitchen -- and
reminisce about...

Kuche -- the kitchen -- and
reminisce about...
♪...on my balcony ♪

Reminisce about...
♪...on my balcony ♪
♪ ha ha ha ♪

♪...on my balcony ♪
♪ ha ha ha ♪
♪ hee hee hee ♪

♪ Ha ha ha ♪
♪ hee hee hee ♪
♪ there's a kangaroo on my

♪ Hee hee hee ♪
♪ there's a kangaroo on my
balcony ♪

♪ There's a kangaroo on my
balcony ♪
♪ I wish he'd go away ♪

Balcony ♪
♪ I wish he'd go away ♪
[ laughs ]

♪ I wish he'd go away ♪
[ laughs ]
mama?

[ Laughs ]
mama?
Yes, darrill.

Mama?
Yes, darrill.
Mama?

Yes, darrill.
Mama?
Yes, darrill?

Mama?
Yes, darrill?
Can I have some

Yes, darrill?
Can I have some
mayonnaise for my potatoes?

Can I have some
mayonnaise for my potatoes?
Yes, you may, my little

Mayonnaise for my potatoes?
Yes, you may, my little
genius.

Yes, you may, my little
genius.
Put it everywhere, mama.

Genius.
Put it everywhere, mama.
Put it everywhere.

Put it everywhere, mama.
Put it everywhere.
I am putting it everywhere.

Put it everywhere.
I am putting it everywhere.
More mayonnaise.

I am putting it everywhere.
More mayonnaise.
And...everywhere.

More mayonnaise.
And...everywhere.
Not on my nose!

And...everywhere.
Not on my nose!
Mama?

Not on my nose!
Mama?
Yes, my pet.

Mama?
Yes, my pet.
Are you going to have another

Yes, my pet.
Are you going to have another
baby soon?

Are you going to have another
baby soon?
Perhaps.

Baby soon?
Perhaps.
Now, if this baby is a girl,

Perhaps.
Now, if this baby is a girl,
will you name it lorelai?

Now, if this baby is a girl,
will you name it lorelai?
And if it is a boy, will you

Will you name it lorelai?
And if it is a boy, will you
name it tomas?

And if it is a boy, will you
name it tomas?
Darrill, if this baby is a

Name it tomas?
Darrill, if this baby is a
girl, I shall name it lorelai.

Darrill, if this baby is a
girl, I shall name it lorelai.
And if it is a boy, I shall name

Girl, I shall name it lorelai.
And if it is a boy, I shall name
it tomas...or jean.

And if it is a boy, I shall name
it tomas...or jean.
Or jean?

It tomas...or jean.
Or jean?
I hear that jean is a better

Or jean?
I hear that jean is a better
name than frank, but not quite

I hear that jean is a better
name than frank, but not quite
such a good name as tomas.

Name than frank, but not quite
such a good name as tomas.
Ooh, and where did you hear

Such a good name as tomas.
Ooh, and where did you hear
that, my pet?

Ooh, and where did you hear
that, my pet?
Oh, we talk about it in the

That, my pet?
Oh, we talk about it in the
schoolyard during our recess.

Oh, we talk about it in the
schoolyard during our recess.
Jost and i, we like talk

Schoolyard during our recess.
Jost and i, we like talk
about the value of names or the

Jost and i, we like talk
about the value of names or the
size of buildings in the

About the value of names or the
size of buildings in the
distance.

Size of buildings in the
distance.
We have such fun.

Distance.
We have such fun.
[ Laughs ]

We have such fun.
[ Laughs ]
jost, jost -- he is your

[ Laughs ]
jost, jost -- he is your
best friend now, huh?

Jost, jost -- he is your
best friend now, huh?
Oh, he is my only friend,

Best friend now, huh?
Oh, he is my only friend,
mama.

Oh, he is my only friend,
mama.
Ahh, jost -- it's not such

Mama.
Ahh, jost -- it's not such
good name, eh?

Ahh, jost -- it's not such
good name, eh?
Not such a good name like

Good name, eh?
Not such a good name like
darrill.

Not such a good name like
darrill.
Oh, are there very many

Darrill.
Oh, are there very many
better names than darrill?

Oh, are there very many
better names than darrill?
Yes.

Better names than darrill?
Yes.
There's better names.

Yes.
There's better names.
Better names than darrill?

There's better names.
Better names than darrill?
No...only five.

Better names than darrill?
No...only five.
[ Both laugh ]

No...only five.
[ Both laugh ]
oh, you fooled me, mama.

[ Both laugh ]
oh, you fooled me, mama.
I fooled you, my pet.

Oh, you fooled me, mama.
I fooled you, my pet.
Mama? Mama? Mama?

I fooled you, my pet.
Mama? Mama? Mama?
Yes.

Mama? Mama? Mama?
Yes.
May I touch your belly?

Yes.
May I touch your belly?
Touch my belly, my pet.

May I touch your belly?
Touch my belly, my pet.
Mama, I have a question to

Touch my belly, my pet.
Mama, I have a question to
ask you.

Mama, I have a question to
ask you.
Oh, I have been waiting for

Ask you.
Oh, I have been waiting for
this.

Oh, I have been waiting for
this.
Mama, where do...pencils

This.
Mama, where do...pencils
come from?

Mama, where do...pencils
come from?
Pencils are made locally in a

Come from?
Pencils are made locally in a
factory.

Pencils are made locally in a
factory.
Now, is this a small factory,

Factory.
Now, is this a small factory,
or is it a large factory?

Now, is this a small factory,
or is it a large factory?
Don't you think it would have

Or is it a large factory?
Don't you think it would have
to be a large factory?

Don't you think it would have
to be a large factory?
Oh, no, not at all.

To be a large factory?
Oh, no, not at all.
In fact, I could quite easily

Oh, no, not at all.
In fact, I could quite easily
see it being a small factory.

In fact, I could quite easily
see it being a small factory.
There just wouldn't be so many

See it being a small factory.
There just wouldn't be so many
pencils.

There just wouldn't be so many
pencils.
[ Both laugh ]

Pencils.
[ Both laugh ]
papa's home!

[ Both laugh ]
papa's home!
Papa's home.

Papa's home!
Papa's home.
Papa's home.

Papa's home.
Papa's home.
Papa's home.

Papa's home.
Papa's home.
Papa's home.

Papa's home.
Papa's home.
Hello, papa.

Papa's home.
Hello, papa.
Hello, papa.

Hello, papa.
Hello, papa.
Hello, papa.

Hello, papa.
Hello, papa.
Hello, papa.

Hello, papa.
Hello, papa.
Hello, papa.

Hello, papa.
Hello, papa.
Hello, pap--

Hello, papa.
Hello, pap--
oh, he's turning around.

Hello, pap--
oh, he's turning around.
Oh, he's turning around.

Oh, he's turning around.
Oh, he's turning around.
Bye, papa.

Oh, he's turning around.
Bye, papa.
Bye, papa.

Bye, papa.
Bye, papa.
Who needs him?

Bye, papa.
Who needs him?
♪ Kangaroo on my balcony ♪

Who needs him?
♪ Kangaroo on my balcony ♪
so that was mama.

♪ Kangaroo on my balcony ♪
so that was mama.
Yes.

So that was mama.
Yes.
But what am I doing talking

Yes.
But what am I doing talking
about mama?

But what am I doing talking
about mama?
I have a beautiful woman sitting

About mama?
I have a beautiful woman sitting
on my own bed.

I have a beautiful woman sitting
on my own bed.
Why, thank you.

On my own bed.
Why, thank you.
And what I was wondering was

Why, thank you.
And what I was wondering was
if this beautiful woman would

And what I was wondering was
if this beautiful woman would
mind if I kissed her.

If this beautiful woman would
mind if I kissed her.
Nope.

Mind if I kissed her.
Nope.
Mama, I'm ready for bed now.

Nope.
Mama, I'm ready for bed now.
Right here, my little pet!

Mama, I'm ready for bed now.
Right here, my little pet!
Ooh, are we playing doctor

Right here, my little pet!
Ooh, are we playing doctor
tonight?

Ooh, are we playing doctor
tonight?
Yes, I think so, mama.

Tonight?
Yes, I think so, mama.
Well, then come with me

Yes, I think so, mama.
Well, then come with me
darrill, and I'll let you choose

Well, then come with me
darrill, and I'll let you choose
one of my nightgowns for your

Darrill, and I'll let you choose
one of my nightgowns for your
lady friend to wear.

One of my nightgowns for your
lady friend to wear.
Oh, goody!

Lady friend to wear.
Oh, goody!
♪ There's a kangaroo on my

Oh, goody!
♪ There's a kangaroo on my
balcony ♪

♪ There's a kangaroo on my
balcony ♪
♪ and she's not wearing any

Balcony ♪
♪ and she's not wearing any
clothes ♪

♪ And she's not wearing any
clothes ♪
[ laughs ]

Where am i?

Where am i?
Africa.

Where am i?
Africa.
[ Elephant trumpets ]

Africa.
[ Elephant trumpets ]
africa?

[ Elephant trumpets ]
africa?
What the hell am I doing in

Africa?
What the hell am I doing in
africa?

What the hell am I doing in
africa?
You are the new british high

Africa?
You are the new british high
commissioner to zimbabwe.

You are the new british high
commissioner to zimbabwe.
Wow!

Commissioner to zimbabwe.
Wow!
How much have I had to drink?

Wow!
How much have I had to drink?
Well, your bill here is

How much have I had to drink?
Well, your bill here is
$,.

Well, your bill here is
$,.
Ugh.

$,.
Ugh.
That's okay.

Ugh.
That's okay.
I'm sure I've got that on me.

That's okay.
I'm sure I've got that on me.
I just never usually leave the

I'm sure I've got that on me.
I just never usually leave the
house without at least --

I just never usually leave the
house without at least --
[ rumbling ]

House without at least --
[ rumbling ]
ladies and gentlemen, as you

[ Rumbling ]
ladies and gentlemen, as you
know, I have had a few problems

Ladies and gentlemen, as you
know, I have had a few problems
lately.

Know, I have had a few problems
lately.
But I'm proud to say that I've

Lately.
But I'm proud to say that I've
worked them out, and I am back

But I'm proud to say that I've
worked them out, and I am back
in the saddle of evil.

Worked them out, and I am back
in the saddle of evil.
For I am very happy to introduce

In the saddle of evil.
For I am very happy to introduce
my new hecubus...

For I am very happy to introduce
my new hecubus...
The old hecubus!

My new hecubus...
The old hecubus!
Good evening, master.

The old hecubus!
Good evening, master.
My name is hecubus.

Good evening, master.
My name is hecubus.
And I am an alcoholic.

My name is hecubus.
And I am an alcoholic.
Hello, hecubus.

And I am an alcoholic.
Hello, hecubus.
Hecubus, would you like a

Hello, hecubus.
Hecubus, would you like a
drink?

Hecubus, would you like a
drink?
Yes, master, but I'm not

Drink?
Yes, master, but I'm not
going to have one.

Yes, master, but I'm not
going to have one.
Evil reigns!

Going to have one.
Evil reigns!
Yes, and without a crutch,

Evil reigns!
Yes, and without a crutch,
master.

Yes, and without a crutch,
master.
Good to have you back, buddy.

Master.
Good to have you back, buddy.
Oh, what the hell -- hug old

Good to have you back, buddy.
Oh, what the hell -- hug old
simon.

Hey, ken, how are you doing?

Hey, ken, how are you doing?
Roy, what brings you to this

Hey, ken, how are you doing?
Roy, what brings you to this
neck of the woods?

Roy, what brings you to this
neck of the woods?
You invited me.

Neck of the woods?
You invited me.
Oh.

You invited me.
Oh.
Here you go.

Oh.
Here you go.
What's this?

Here you go.
What's this?
Coffee.

What's this?
Coffee.
Great -- I was just thinking

Coffee.
Great -- I was just thinking
about how much I would love a

Great -- I was just thinking
about how much I would love a
cup of coffee.

About how much I would love a
cup of coffee.
Thank whoever sent it over to

Cup of coffee.
Thank whoever sent it over to
me.

Thank whoever sent it over to
me.
Thank you!

Me.
Thank you!
Thank you!

Thank you!
Thank you!
Uh, you ordered it, sir.

Thank you!
Uh, you ordered it, sir.
I assume you're paying for it.

Uh, you ordered it, sir.
I assume you're paying for it.
I'm just gonna have a soda.

I assume you're paying for it.
I'm just gonna have a soda.
Okay.

I'm just gonna have a soda.
Okay.
You know, and I would love a

Okay.
You know, and I would love a
cup of coffee.

You know, and I would love a
cup of coffee.
Another one?

Cup of coffee.
Another one?
Whatever makes you happy.

Another one?
Whatever makes you happy.
Duh.

Whatever makes you happy.
Duh.
[ Both laugh ]

Duh.
[ Both laugh ]
so, roy, what's new?

[ Both laugh ]
so, roy, what's new?
Well, I just heard the

So, roy, what's new?
Well, I just heard the
wildest story.

Well, I just heard the
wildest story.
Great, what else is

Wildest story.
Great, what else is
happening?

Great, what else is
happening?
Don't you want to hear my

Happening?
Don't you want to hear my
story?

Don't you want to hear my
story?
Of course.

Story?
Of course.
I love stories!

Of course.
I love stories!
Okay, great.

I love stories!
Okay, great.
Okay, so, uh, there's a guy.

Okay, great.
Okay, so, uh, there's a guy.
Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.

Okay, so, uh, there's a guy.
Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.
Hold it.

Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.
Hold it.
What?

Hold it.
What?
Got it.

What?
Got it.
Okay, so there's a guy.

Got it.
Okay, so there's a guy.
Okay, hold it.

Okay, so there's a guy.
Okay, hold it.
This guy you just mentioned, is

Okay, hold it.
This guy you just mentioned, is
it the same guy as before, or is

This guy you just mentioned, is
it the same guy as before, or is
it, like, a new guy?

It the same guy as before, or is
it, like, a new guy?
Same guy.

It, like, a new guy?
Same guy.
Okay, okay, hold it.

Same guy.
Okay, okay, hold it.
This guy we've been talking

Okay, okay, hold it.
This guy we've been talking
about -- does this gentleman

This guy we've been talking
about -- does this gentleman
have a name?

About -- does this gentleman
have a name?
Yes.

Have a name?
Yes.
Great, now we're cooking with

Yes.
Great, now we're cooking with
gas, roy.

Great, now we're cooking with
gas, roy.
Okay, so, uh, tony has --

Gas, roy.
Okay, so, uh, tony has --
you lost me.

Okay, so, uh, tony has --
you lost me.
What?

You lost me.
What?
Oh, that's the guy's name --

What?
Oh, that's the guy's name --
tony.

Oh, that's the guy's name --
tony.
Got it.

Tony.
Got it.
Okay, all right, so, uh, so

Got it.
Okay, all right, so, uh, so
tony has a girlfriend named

Okay, all right, so, uh, so
tony has a girlfriend named
betty.

Tony has a girlfriend named
betty.
Stop. Hold it. Stop. Desist.

Betty.
Stop. Hold it. Stop. Desist.
What?

Stop. Hold it. Stop. Desist.
What?
Is this a story about tony or

What?
Is this a story about tony or
betty?

Is this a story about tony or
betty?
Well, both of them are in the

Betty?
Well, both of them are in the
story.

Well, both of them are in the
story.
Yeah, but previously you said

Story.
Yeah, but previously you said
this was a story about tony.

Yeah, but previously you said
this was a story about tony.
There's two people in the

This was a story about tony.
There's two people in the
story!

There's two people in the
story!
What's so hard about that?

Story!
What's so hard about that?
Well, it's getting all crazy

What's so hard about that?
Well, it's getting all crazy
now.

Well, it's getting all crazy
now.
It's not getting crazy.

Now.
It's not getting crazy.
It's just two people in a story.

It's not getting crazy.
It's just two people in a story.
Tony and betty are in the story.

It's just two people in a story.
Tony and betty are in the story.
Okay?

Tony and betty are in the story.
Okay?
Well, it sounds like you're

Okay?
Well, it sounds like you're
making it up.

Well, it sounds like you're
making it up.
I haven't said anything!

Making it up.
I haven't said anything!
Wow, look at this!

I haven't said anything!
Wow, look at this!
There's a guy.

Wow, look at this!
There's a guy.
And he sent me coffee?

There's a guy.
And he sent me coffee?
How gracious.

And he sent me coffee?
How gracious.
Thank you!

How gracious.
Thank you!
Thank you!

Thank you!
Thank you!
No, in this story.

Thank you!
No, in this story.
There's a guy in the story.

No, in this story.
There's a guy in the story.
You can understand that, can't

There's a guy in the story.
You can understand that, can't
you?

You can understand that, can't
you?
Yes.

You?
Yes.
Great, okay.

Yes.
Great, okay.
So, there's a guy.

Great, okay.
So, there's a guy.
You lost me.

So, there's a guy.
You lost me.
There's a guy!

You lost me.
There's a guy!
Obviously.

There's a guy!
Obviously.
All right, named tony.

Obviously.
All right, named tony.
Mm-hmm.

All right, named tony.
Mm-hmm.
And his girlfriend's name

Mm-hmm.
And his girlfriend's name
is..

And his girlfriend's name
is..
Betty.

Is..
Betty.
Right, okay.

Betty.
Right, okay.
Okay, I'm gonna stop you for

Right, okay.
Okay, I'm gonna stop you for
a second.

Okay, I'm gonna stop you for
a second.
Why are you gonna stop me?

A second.
Why are you gonna stop me?
And I'm gonna tell you

Why are you gonna stop me?
And I'm gonna tell you
something, and I don't want you

And I'm gonna tell you
something, and I don't want you
to take it very personally.

Something, and I don't want you
to take it very personally.
But you're not a very good

To take it very personally.
But you're not a very good
storyteller, are you?

But you're not a very good
storyteller, are you?
I haven't gotten to the

Storyteller, are you?
I haven't gotten to the
story yet.

I haven't gotten to the
story yet.
What does that tell you about

Story yet.
What does that tell you about
the way things are going?

What does that tell you about
the way things are going?
There you are.

The way things are going?
There you are.
Excuse me, what is this?

There you are.
Excuse me, what is this?
It's a coffee.

Excuse me, what is this?
It's a coffee.
I'm gonna tell you something,

It's a coffee.
I'm gonna tell you something,
and I don't want you to take it

I'm gonna tell you something,
and I don't want you to take it
very personally.

And I don't want you to take it
very personally.
But you're not a very good

Very personally.
But you're not a very good
waiter, are you?

But you're not a very good
waiter, are you?
[ Growls ]

Waiter, are you?
[ Growls ]
well, there he goes.

[ Growls ]
well, there he goes.
You know, I heard the greatest

Well, there he goes.
You know, I heard the greatest
story.

You know, I heard the greatest
story.
Oh?

Story.
Oh?
There was this guy named

Oh?
There was this guy named
tony, and he's got a girlfriend

There was this guy named
tony, and he's got a girlfriend
named betty.

Tony, and he's got a girlfriend
named betty.
And they're naked.

Named betty.
And they're naked.
Wow.

And they're naked.
Wow.
Crazy world, eh?

Wow.
Crazy world, eh?
Crazy world.

Crazy world, eh?
Crazy world.
Hey, you brought this table

Crazy world.
Hey, you brought this table
with you.

Hey, you brought this table
with you.
It fits in your car, eh?

With you.
It fits in your car, eh?
Yeah.

It fits in your car, eh?
Yeah.
I was in a restaurant once

Yeah.
I was in a restaurant once
that had a table like this.

I was in a restaurant once
that had a table like this.
Um, excuse me, everybody.

That had a table like this.
Um, excuse me, everybody.
Excuse me.

Um, excuse me, everybody.
Excuse me.
Um, sorry about this.

Excuse me.
Um, sorry about this.
We're gonna do something a

Um, sorry about this.
We're gonna do something a
little special and have a bit of

We're gonna do something a
little special and have a bit of
a party.

Little special and have a bit of
a party.
So first, if I could please ask

A party.
So first, if I could please ask
the extras to leave.

So first, if I could please ask
the extras to leave.
And could you return your shoes

The extras to leave.
And could you return your shoes
to the shoe bin?

And could you return your shoes
to the shoe bin?
Thank you very much.

To the shoe bin?
Thank you very much.
Okay, we have an announcement to

Thank you very much.
Okay, we have an announcement to
make about someone in our cast.

Okay, we have an announcement to
make about someone in our cast.
He doesn't even know we're gonna

Make about someone in our cast.
He doesn't even know we're gonna
do this.

He doesn't even know we're gonna
do this.
But according to our keeper of

Do this.
But according to our keeper of
records, our very own

But according to our keeper of
records, our very own
scott thompson has just played

Records, our very own
scott thompson has just played
his th waiter.

Scott thompson has just played
his th waiter.
[ Cheers and applause ]

His th waiter.
[ Cheers and applause ]
waiters?

[ Cheers and applause ]
waiters?
No way.

Waiters?
No way.
Are you kidding?

No way.
Are you kidding?
Oh, this is like it's a new

Are you kidding?
Oh, this is like it's a new
life!

Oh, this is like it's a new
life!
Oh.

Life!
Oh.
Wow, -- I had no idea.

Oh.
Wow, -- I had no idea.
I knew it was a lot, but .

Wow, -- I had no idea.
I knew it was a lot, but .
Okay, scott, we're gonna have

I knew it was a lot, but .
Okay, scott, we're gonna have
a party, and to kick things off,

Okay, scott, we're gonna have
a party, and to kick things off,
here's the one thing you like

A party, and to kick things off,
here's the one thing you like
better than p*rn -- chocolate

Here's the one thing you like
better than p*rn -- chocolate
marble fudge cake!

Better than p*rn -- chocolate
marble fudge cake!
Oh!

Marble fudge cake!
Oh!
What was wrong with p*rn?

Oh!
What was wrong with p*rn?
What was wrong with p*rn?

What was wrong with p*rn?
What was wrong with p*rn?
[ Laughs ]

What was wrong with p*rn?
[ Laughs ]
here you go, pal.

[ Laughs ]
here you go, pal.
Hey, thanks.

Here you go, pal.
Hey, thanks.
Congratulations, scott.

Hey, thanks.
Congratulations, scott.
Scott, in the spirit of of

Congratulations, scott.
Scott, in the spirit of of
the occasion, we've thrown

Scott, in the spirit of of
the occasion, we've thrown
together a little tape of

The occasion, we've thrown
together a little tape of
memories for you.

Together a little tape of
memories for you.
Just watch the monitor.

Memories for you.
Just watch the monitor.
John, could you roll that?

John, could you roll that?
♪ There is one in a million

♪ There is one in a million
like you ♪

Like you ♪
♪ a dream in a million

♪ A dream in a million
come true ♪

Come true ♪
♪ though it may rare,

♪ Though it may rare,
you and I will share ♪

You and I will share ♪
♪ this love that has happened

♪ This love that has happened
to few ♪

To few ♪
♪ for there's one in a million

♪ For there's one in a million
like yo-o-o-u ♪

Like yo-o-o-u ♪
♪ like you ♪
thanks a lot.

♪ Like you ♪
thanks a lot.
Come on, guys.

Thanks a lot.
Come on, guys.
Come here, you know.

Come on, guys.
Come here, you know.
I just want to say something

Come here, you know.
I just want to say something
here.

I just want to say something
here.
You know, I couldn't have done

Here.
You know, I couldn't have done
any of it if you guys hadn't

You know, I couldn't have done
any of it if you guys hadn't
written me those tiny, perfect,

Any of it if you guys hadn't
written me those tiny, perfect,
little roles.

Written me those tiny, perfect,
little roles.
Thanks.

Little roles.
Thanks.
Great, now serve the cake to

Thanks.
Great, now serve the cake to
everyone, and there's coffee

Great, now serve the cake to
everyone, and there's coffee
over there, so you better start

Everyone, and there's coffee
over there, so you better start
pouring.

Over there, so you better start
pouring.
It's my party.

Pouring.
It's my party.
Yeah, but you're one dressed

It's my party.
Yeah, but you're one dressed
for the job, scott.

Yeah, but you're one dressed
for the job, scott.
You're joking, right?

For the job, scott.
You're joking, right?
Come on, haul ass, scott.

You're joking, right?
Come on, haul ass, scott.
The crew kind of wants cake.

Come on, haul ass, scott.
The crew kind of wants cake.
♪ For he's a jolly good

The crew kind of wants cake.
♪ For he's a jolly good
fellow ♪

♪ For he's a jolly good
fellow ♪
♪ for he's a jolly good fellow ♪

Fellow ♪
♪ for he's a jolly good fellow ♪
see later, scott.

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪
see later, scott.
♪ For he's a jolly good

See later, scott.
♪ For he's a jolly good
fellow ♪

♪ For he's a jolly good
fellow ♪
it's because I'm gay, right?

Fellow ♪
it's because I'm gay, right?
You're persecuting me.

It's because I'm gay, right?
You're persecuting me.
[ Cheers and applause ]