Destination Gobi (1953)

[bunniefuu]

I remember the day
like it was yesterday.

November 12, 1944.

My ship, "The Big E,"
was putting into Pearl
for refueling.

We just plastered the Nips
at Luzon and Leyte, and we were
going back to give 'em more...

when I got the order
to report to SACO headquarters.

Nobody knew much
about SACO then...

except that it was big
and secret,

and they seemed to get
what they wanted
when they wanted it.

Right now they wanted me.

Yours truly, Sam McHale,
Chief Bosun's Mate,
Carrier Enterprise.

Okay, Chief.
They're expecting you.
Thanks.

McHale, sir.

Glad to see you,
McHale.
Thank you, sir.

This is Lieutenant
Commander Wyatt.

How do you do, sir?
How do you do?

Commander Wyatt's
just arrived from stateside.

He's volunteered
for a tough job.

He needs a seasoned C.P.O.
to help him do it.
Yes, sir.

The commander's
a meteorologist from Cal Tech.
He's one of the best.

In other words,
a weatherman.
I see.

This thing
is top secret, McHale.

You'll be briefed thoroughly
on it later, but right now we
can give you the general idea.

Commander Wyatt is gonna
head up an expeditionary
weather unit in the Gobi desert.

The Gobi desert?
Mm-hmm.

And from the check we've made,

he couldn't get a better foreman
than Chief Bosun's Mate
Sam McHale.

Oh.

Well, I appreciate
the compliment, sir,

but if you're thinking of me
for anything but sea duty--

Well, sir,
I'm the original blockhead.

I ain't worth two cents
unless I got a deck
under my feet.

As a matter of fact,
I never got past
the sixth grade.

Well, in that case
you and Commander Wyatt
ought to make a good team.

He has five degrees.
Oh.

But, uh, my ship, sir,
she's pulling out.

Your ship, McHale,
and every ship
in the fleet...

is dependent
on the work Commander Wyatt
will be doing.

You've heard of SACO,
haven't you?
Yes, sir. A little, sir.

SACO is Sino-American
Combined Operations--
"A" priority.

Now, one part of it,
and a very vital part,
is weather.

As a carrier man, you know
what accurate weather forecasts
mean to our sea and air strikes.

Yes, of course, sir,
but my ship--

For a while we were losing
more planes to weather
than we were to the enemy.

The situation
required desperate measures.

SACO has taken them.

We've put together a lash
up across the face
of China and Mongolia--

small expeditionary forces
flown in, supplied by air--

for one purpose--

to assemble
weather observations,

relay them
to Central Command,

which coordinates a forecast
for the whole
Pacific theater.

Right now we have
five units functioning--

Argos 1, 2, 3,
4 and 5.

Commander Wyatt's unit
will be Argos 6,

up here in Chengwan Oasis
in Inner Mongolia.

The crew of Argos 6
is made up of young men,

especially trained
for just one job--

getting the weather
and sending it.

What we need in addition,
McHale, is a watchdog.

As soon as
they started to butter me,

I could feel the deck
of the Enterprise sliding
out from under my feet.

"Top secret." "'A' priority."
That's always the pitch.

Watchdog, my neck.

Wet nurse, he meant.

Wet nurse
to a bunch of balloon chasers
in Inner Mongolia,

which is different
from Outer Mongolia only because
it's hotter, drier, sandier...

and "in-er."

Take it from me, brother--
the Gobi Desert
wasn't for sailors.

It was for lizards.

And after six months
of fighting the battle
of Argos 6,

six months of balloons
and barometers and sand
that never stopped blowing,

I'd have given
half my retirement pay for
just one whiff of salt water.

Why do they call it
a "theater" of w*r?

A theater's a place
where you see shows
or movies. Right?

Coney, you ask
too many questions.

If I don't ask questions,
how can I learn? Right, Mac?
Right.

Good boy. There you go, boy.
Hey, that's a good boy.

Hey, Walt, look.
I got this jerboa trained.

He's eatin' "C" rations.
He ain't trained.
He's crazy.

This newscast from Chongqing
reports we've landed troops
on Okinawa.

What do you know?
Boy, I bet they're giving
that island the business.

- Your ship's on that,
isn't it, Mac?
- Of course it is.

The Big "E" is in everything.
Right, Mac?

Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, Swenson.
This your piball form?
Yeah.

How about your entries
over here, and here?
Well, the sand was blowing--

Don't give me that,
you lazy swab.

If I catch any more forms
half filled, I'll give you
something to yelp about.

What's eatin' him?
Three guesses.

What the devil's
keeping the skipper?

We got the 1400 report
in 10 minutes.
Send it without him.

He's gotta okay it.
What for? It's only
a lousy six-hourly.

Wyatt's the skipper
of this detachment.

Anything that goes out
goes out over his signature.
That's form.

McHale,
you'd fill out a form
to duck a b*llet.

Listen, bright boy.
I've been in this man's navy
for 16 years.

I don't know anything
about theodolites
or slide rules,

and I don't know what
I'm doing here, wiping noses
for a bunch of jokers like you.

But there's one thing
I do know--
the navy means form.

All reports are signed
by the officer in charge,
filed by me.

All decisions are made
by the officer in charge,
carried out by me.

That's the way it was
on shipboard. That's the way
it's gonna be here.

Sing us
a sea chanty,
will ya, Mac?

* Yo h* h*
and a bottle of rum *

Okay, okay,
knock it off.

But just remember--

when that relief plane
gets here,

there ain't nobody back at H.Q.
gonna be able to glom onto
any mistakes made...

by Yours Truly,
Sam McHale.

June the 20th.
Happy day!

You wanna
know somethin'?

I've been smoothing
a spot out there
with my bare hands...

for that plane to land.

Oh, boy.
Only three weeks.

Hey, Walt, why don't we
put a nice, big red circle
around June the 20th?

Lay off that calendar!
Come on! It's been on January
ever since we've been here.

I happen to like
January.

I like her myself.
Only June has so much more
to offer.

That's
what you think.

Believe me,
I been thinkin'.

- Skipper!
- What happened?

Clumsiest thing-- I slipped
climbing an outcropping
and fell against a rock.

Lucky thing
Elwood happened along.

I didn't exactly
happen along, sir.
Mac sent me.

Good old Mac, huh?
Thinks of everything.

Even
the absent-minded
professor.

Hand me
that first-aid kit.

It's nothing, Mac.

Nothing alongside of what
I accomplished today.

Would you believe it--
I stood smack in the center
of a Gobi wind devil.

Checked its temperature
and traced
its whole pattern.

That 1400 report's
right in back of you, sir.
We're due in three minutes.

Hasn't it been
encoded yet?

No, sir.
It's waiting for your okay.

Send it off, Mac.
You don't need my initials
for everything.

You're the skipper, sir.
Those reports have to be filed
over your signature.

Very well.
Guess that'll do
for now.

I'll dress it later.

Okay, you sparks.
Crank up for the 1400.

Thank you, sir.
Here it is, Walt.
Write it up.

Northwest,
six and scattered.

Pressure, 2-6-8.

Temperature, 92.

Visibility, one mile
and blowing sand.

Clouds, low one,
middle seven.

- That sound okay, sir?
- Okay, Mac.

Got it, Landers?
Right. We're on.

Here you go, Jenkins.
Right.

You all right?

Fine.

That night a message came in
from Top Argos...

marked "secret and urgent."

While I was unscrambling it,
Argos 6 was in
headquarters' tent...

trying to keep from being
blown out of Mongolia.

Hey, how do they
name ships anyway?

Here's a picture
of the carrier Lexington--
that's a battle.

Here's a picture
of the carrier Wasp--
that's a bug.

- It don't make sense.
- Neither does this desert.

Furnace by day
and refrigerator by night.

I guess destroyers are named
after people. This one's
called the U.S.S. Harding.

Don't worry, Coney.
They'll never name
a ship after you.

Be some ship,
wouldn't it?

The U.S.S. Cohen.

Hey, I got something
to tell ya.

That message tonight
from Top Argos
was an alert.

We've been warned there's
Jap cavalry in the desert.
Cavalry?

Yeah. Seems like the Nips
have been gettin' hit
where it hurts.

They figure
you guys are responsible.

We're a thousand miles
from nowhere.
A camel couldn't get this far.

Anyway, first thing tomorrow
we're making a check
of defensible positions.

What are we gonna
defend 'em with? Barometers?

We got some weapons.
We can requisition more.

You don't think
there's any danger,
do you, Mac?

Buck up, Coney.

Any Nips that drop around
in this weather
can keep the joint.

Hey, toss me some beans,
will ya, Elwood.

I'll have two cards.
Give me two of your best.

Japs!

Take it easy.

They're Mongols.

Welcome
to Argos 6.

My name's McHale,
Uni--

My name's McHale,
United States Navy.

McHale. Chief.
U.S. Navy.

Me chief.
Chief Kengtu.

You missionary?

No, no. No. Navy.

Navy!

Navy. Ships.
You got it?

No missionary?
No.

- Use grass?
- What?

He wants to know
if we use grass.
Oh, no. No, no.

We don't use grass.

Hey, they're gonna
camp on the oasis.
What'll we do?

What do you suggest we do?
Scare 'em off with balloons?

Suppose
they're bandits.

I read about
Mongol bandits.

They bury you in sand
and let ants devour you.
You guys sit tight.

I'm gonna report this
to the old man.

Jenkins, monitor the radios.
Set up a 24-hour watch.
I'll be right back.

Don't forget--
don't none of you guys
eat any grass,

no matter how bad
the "C" rations get.

Hey,
cut that out!

Grass.
Oh.

Sorry.

Come on, guys.
Snap it up.

Get rollin'
on that firing set.

Boy, they sure can handle
that fishing pole.

Yeah.
Bareback too.

I been thinking.
We're all in
the same oasis.

If the Japs attack,
those Mongols are in
the same boat as we are.

What are you
drooling about,
Jenkins?

Cavalry.
You mean
them characters?

Yeah.

Yeah. Why not?

My old man was in the cavalry
for 30 years. I know
a cavalryman when I see one.

Did you ever hear
of Genghis Khan,
Sabatello?

Genghis what?
Genghis Khan.

The Mongol who conquered half
the world from the quarterdeck
of one of those horses.

Well, all right,
quit daydreamin'!

Let's go. Come on.
Move it, Jenkins.

Aye, aye, sir.
Cavalry.

Them guys look like
they'd just as soon
eat us for breakfast.

Come on!
Let me alone!

Listen to me!

It's Halsey.
What's he done?

I don't know,
but it looks like
they're gonna lynch him.

Say the word, Chief.
Put that away.

It was just a camera.
And don't move.

It's a camera!

What's the trouble here?
I was just
taking some pictures.

They must've thought
I was trying to sh**t them.
Relax, kid.

You fellas have got
the wrong idea.

We're friends.

You understand?
Friends.

This is only
a camera. See?

It's to make pictures,
like this.

Kengtu,
you examine it.

There's no harm
in a camera.

Mongols not understand
strange people.

Come on.
Thanks.

Wow. That's the closest
we've been to w*r
in six months.

I didn't think
they were so touchy.

You'd better stay
in your own backyard,
Elwood.

Boy, that Kengtu
is sure a tough hombre.

It ain't Kengtu
I'm worried about.

It's that mean-lookin' baby
in the fur hat.
He looks like trouble.

Hey, Mac.
Huh?

The generator's
spark plugs are gone,

and so's a flock of rations
we brought over from Supply.

Gone?
These guys
are all over the place.

They'll pick up anything
that ain't nailed down.
And they're beefin' about us.

Okay, get some more
plugs from the dump.
And start an inventory check.

The rest of you
get back to work
on that g*n emplacement.

Looks like we might
be needin' it for
somethin' besides Japs.

Poor Mac.
There's no form for this.

He's liable to have
a nervous breakdown,
like Pavlov's dogs.

What?
Pavlov.

A scientist who proved
that even animals break down...

when they have to
face circumstances
they can't comprehend.

Another scare like that,
you can tell those dogs
to move over.

Somehow
that business with the camera
seemed to change things,

because the next morning
Kengtu showed up
on our side of the oasis...

and emptied
his tribe's pockets.

One tool kit
with canvas cuffs.

Step right up.
Seats on all floors.
No waiting on the balcony.

Six cans
of "C" rations.

One coffee pot.

Two
ball-peen hammers.

One bar of soap.

Hey, Walt, keep your mind
on your work.

Hey!

One silver saddle
paperweight.

Well, I'll be--
I've been looking
for that.

One telegraph key.

One bosun's pipe.

One crescent wrench.

One flashlight.

One anemometer cup!

Holy smokes.

This kid's the Harpo Marx
of Inner Mongolia.

Well, I guess
that does it,

except for
the skipper's uniform
and my cap.

Let it go, Mac. I suggest
we contribute them to the cause
of international relations.

Well!

It's all yours,
sonny,

compliments of
the United States Navy.

At ease!

Urgent message
from Top Argos, sir.

Break it, Mac.
Yes, sir.

Guess we don't need
an inventory check
this week.

All the merchandise
is right here.

Uh-oh.
What does it say,
Mac?

What's up?
Anything
about relief?

Men, I'm sorry
to have to tell you,

relief's
been postponed.

Postponed?

Enemy pressure
has forced Top Argos
to move to Chongqing.

When they're settled,
they promise to try and
put together a replacement unit.

Right now--
Well, I guess
we're the varsity.

"Varsity"?

I feel like
the class of '88.

What are we supposed to do,
hang around till the Japs
come galloping in?

I know what this means
to all of you.

I guess you'll just have to
grit your teeth
and stick it out.

Top Argos is aware
of the spot we're in.

Apparently they feel we're
protected from immediate danger
by our remoteness.

At any rate,
they promise to do anything
to help us hold out.

Any weapons we need--
anything within reason--
they'll try to get to us.

I guess that's all.

Unless you have
something to add, Mac.

No, sir,
I got nothin' to add.

What do you think
we ought to requisition?
I mean, just in case.

Well, sir, from the looks
of this outfit, we couldn't
fight off a swarm of gnats,

let alone
Japs on horseback.

But Jenkins here
brought up something
the other day...

about gettin' them Mongols
to help defend the oasis.

I kinda got a hunch
they'd make pretty good
fighting men,

if we could get 'em
on our side.

You're not serious, are you?
Why should they fight for us?
I don't know, sir.

But the way
they been mooning
over this thing,

I figure it might be
a pretty good persuader.

That trinket?
No, not this, sir.
I mean the real McCoy.

A bunch of genuine,
high-grade leather saddles.
Saddles?

- Saddles.
- How are we gonna get saddles in the middle of the Gobi?

Top Argos said
they'd give us anything
within reason.

If they aren't
just sounding off,

they oughta
get the brass
to come across.

I bet there's cavalry saddles
gathering dust in the States.
Ain't no harm in asking.

What have we got to lose?
I think it's
a great idea, sir.

Dangle a saddle in front of
those babies, and we'll have 'em
eating right out of our hands.

Well, if the Mongols
can be persuaded to help
defend the oasis,

I see nothing wrong
with some kind of lend-lease.

The big question mark
is Kengtu.

You take it to him, Mac.
How about it?

Yeah. After all,
it's protocol.

Kengtu chief.
McHale chief.

They're gonna think
we're stir-crazy
back at headquarters.

Who ever heard of saddles
for the navy?

Navy?

What's he saying now, sir?

He's saying
they're not at w*r
with the Japs, we are.

Why should they incur
the enmity of a powerful foe?

Navy chief
wish to speak more?

Nope.

I'd just like
to show you the pictures
I took the other day.

That's you.

This is Tomec.

This is Wali-Ahkun.

We call him Harpo.

And this is a picture
of an American cowboy.

Boy, if Roy Rogers on Trigger
doesn't get him, nothing will.

Navy chief can get
such saddles?

We've made
the request.

When saddles come,
we talk again.

Fair enough.

Argos 6. Argos 6.
This is Top Argos.

We're doing business
from a new shack at Chongqing.

All observations received,
and keep 'em coming.
Now hear this.

I have before me
your request...

for 60 United States
Cavalry saddles.

Either you guys are crazy,
or the sun's got you.

I know I said I'd try to
get you anything within reason,
and I meant it.

If it's still saddles,

well, I'll do
the best I can.

But reconsider
that request.

You guys
are in a tough spot.

The Japs are hunting
high and low for you.

I'd hate to waste
an airdrop.
Advise. Over.

I started
this whole thing.
Now I don't know.

I think it's screwy.
How do we know we can
trust that Kengtu?

Suppose
we get him the saddles
and he takes off.

What's his
forwarding address?
What do you think, Mac?

Well,
you're the skipper, sir.
It's up to you.

But we made a promise
to them Mongols,
and we oughta keep it.

Tell them
to send the saddles.

You mean that, sir?
You bet I do.

Call Mayberry.
See they're supplied.
Yes, sir.

Oh, shall I tell 'em to
throw in a sack of oats too?

Yes, sir.

Give me Mayberry.

Sixty saddles?

That's right, pal.
It says "saddles."

Saddles for the navy.

Hey! Hey!
Here it comes!

Hey!

Okay, let's go get 'em!

We do.
Good.

Okay, boys,
load 'em up.

Well, here they are.
How do you like 'em?

The 1st Mongolian Cavalry,
United States Navy.

They sure don't
look like much.

Oh, give 'em
a chance.

Hey, Coney boy.
You know any cavalry calls
on that thing?

I know the one they play
at the racetrack.
Good. Let's have it.

**

Come on!
Gallop, h*!

Come on, you guys!
Let's hurry the mail!

**

Column twos!
Hold!

Column twos!
Hold!

Watch it.

Duck!

Whoo!

Holy smoke!

I thought those guys
were supposed to be
for protection.

Let's get this balloon up
before we're
trampled to death.

Here they come.
"C" rations.

They sure must want to
get rid of the stuff.
Two planeloads.

Yeah,
but they ain't ours.

You guys
get on that g*n!

- Jap planes!
- Hey, you guys! Jap planes!

Out on the desert!

Coney, let's get
these kids out of here!
Out on the desert!

Get out in the desert!

Up there! Quick!

Come on! Move it!
Get outta here!

Come on! Move!
Get out!

Move it!
Get outta here!

Jap planes! Come on!
Move! Get out!

Jap planes! Move!

Come on, skipper!
Let's--
My reports.

Skipper!

Skipper!

**

**

Where are they
taking 'em?
Out on the desert.

They don't bury their dead.
They just leave 'em exposed.

Exposed?
You mean, for the dogs
and the vultures?

That's
the general idea.

If the body isn't picked clean
in a few days, he's supposed
to have led a bad life.

You come.
Bring horn.

Huh?
He needs your trumpet
to frighten off the demons.

Go ahead, Coney.

**

Okay, let's get goin'.

Sabatello, Jenkins,
see if you can get
those radios working.

Let me know soon as
you contact Chongqing.

Landers, you make out
a report on damage.
Right.

Swenson, Halsey,
let's take a look
at that supply dump.

**

**

Ah.

You and your calendar.

Took an air raid
to put it
at the right month.

I still like
January.

Wonder what McHale's gonna do
with the skipper dead.

What he's been doing
every five minutes
since we buried him--

eating my tail out
to raise Chongqing.

At least you've got orders.
That's a lot more
than McHale has.

Hey, what kind
of a clambake is this?

Haven't you fixed
that thing yet?
There isn't a chance, Mac.

We can spit darn near
as far as we can send.

All right.
Keep at it.
Keep at what?

You're radio men,
ain't ya?

If Marconi invented it,
you can fix it.

Okay.

I tell ya,
it's no soap, Mac.

She's dead--

807's shot, I can't fix it,
and I haven't got a spare.

Now what do we do?

We got chow
for about a week,

unless you guys can go
for that boiled rattlesnake
them Mongols eat.

Maybe we oughta pull out,
huh, Mac?
Pull out? Where?

Anywhere.
The Nips have got us spotted.
We're like fish in a barrel.

We could try to
reach Argos 4.

That's about
300 miles south.

I ain't goin' for no hike
in that desert.

He's right.
Maybe Kengtu would
lend us some horses.

Oh, there's bound to be
a relief plane as soon as
Top Argos realizes we're silent.

Yeah, suppose
the Japs get here first.

We still have
the 1st Mongolian Cavalry.
Take a look out there.

Am I crazy,
or is that camp deserted?

How do you like that?
The first sign of trouble,
and they pull out.

Them saddles sure did us
a lot of good.

All right, you guys!
Grab your socks!

On your feet!
Rise and shine!

What's up?
Hit the deck, you swabs!
We're pulling out of here!

Where to?
Sabatello, Swenson,
roll up those sleeping bags.

Come on! Get out of there!
Jenkins, Halsey, make packs
of all the rations on hand!

Landers, fill the canteens.
On the double. Do you hear?

Those planes'll be back
to finish the job, but
we ain't gonna be around.

We're gettin' out
of this rat hole!

Are you crazy?
Where are we going?

Where
sailors belong--
to the sea.

The sea?
That's 800 miles!

The guy's
blown his top.

Now listen,
you bunch of dog tags!

You wanna know what you are
right this minute? Huh?

You're missing in action.
You're a telegram
from the admiral.

They've been trying to
raise you, and they just
took a colored pin off the map.

Well,
we're gonna fool 'em.

Nobody's payin' off
any insurance
on Sam McHale. Not yet!

Mac, wait.
Let's talk this over.

If we're gonna pull out,
let's gamble on something
that has a chance.

Argos 4
is 300 miles south--

Yeah. Maybe their radios
are still working.

Maybe they are,
maybe they ain't!

We don't even know
if 4 is still there!

But the sea's always there,
and that's where we're goin'.

What do we do when we get there?
Swim to Honolulu?

What we do, when and if
we get there, is something
I ain't worked out yet.

But right now there's only
one thing for you guys
to get in your conks--

I'm in charge!

I make the decisions.
I give the orders.

And my order
for right now
is "break camp."

Sabatello,
get rid of that golf club.

Jenkins, your boots.
Coney, same with your trumpet.
We got enough to carry.

Swenson,
all equipment secure?

All set, Mac.
Okay.

Shove off!

I had a wild kind of plan.

My map showed water holes
and villages where we could buy,
trade or steal food.

So I figured if we could
reach the China coast
somewhere north of Peiping,

we might be able
to pirate a ship
and make it to Okinawa.

Well, that was the deal,
and I didn't let on to the men
how shaky I felt about it.

But after a couple of days
of walking,

I knew how they felt.

Crazy.
That's what we are.

Plumb nuts.

Eight hundred miles
across the desert,

all because
Captain Bligh up there
likes salt water.

We should have headed
for Siberia.

At least if we died,
we'd freeze to death.

What do you make of it, Mac?
That's a Jap spotter,
all right.

What's he want with us?
We're not sending
any more weather reports.

They just want
to keep in touch.
It's all very chummy.

They won't waste any b*ll*ts.
They'll let the Gobi
finish us off.

What's that?

We should have
never left camp.

At least there we knew
what we were up against.

Take it easy.

We got g*ns,
and we can use 'em.

g*ns are no good
against demons.

What's eatin' you,
Sabatello?

Them Mongols are
always talking about
a valley of demons.

This must be it.

If we meet any demons,
they're gonna get
a belly full of lead.

Let's go.
Shove off.

Hey!

You all right, kid?
Yeah, I'm okay.

Hey. Listen.

It stopped.
Yeah.

This Gobi
gives me the creeps.
Let's get outta here.

Hey, Mac,
how about
making camp?

We've been
walking
all night.

Yeah.
I'm dead.

You're gonna be
a lot deader...

if we don't hit
another oasis pretty soon.

What do you see,
Mac?
Grass.

Maybe it's a mirage.
No, it's an oasis,
all right.

Kuyang Oasis.

Otherwise known
as Bitter Spring Halt.

Any Japs on it?

Flock of camels.

What seems to be
a nomad encampment.

Looks okay.

Hey!
This water's bitter!

What's
the difference?
It's water.

True, it's water.

And in the Gobi,
one is grateful for the bitter
as well as the sweet.

There are many wells
in the Gobi.

And, like the people
one meets,

each little spring
has its own
characteristic.

There is a spring
not more than
50 li from here...

that is known as
One-Cup Halt.

Who are you?
Yin Tang.

I was born
of obscure ancestry.

But a scientific expedition
of your countrymen...

purchased camels
from me...

and gave me the nickname
"Nose-ring Charlie."

Do you sell camels?

For 23 years
that has been
my livelihood.

How much do you get
for one of 'em?

To the scientific
expedition...

I sold camels
for $200 apiece.

I will make you
the same price.

Well, we don't carry
any cash with us.

But we'll pay you double
if you can wait
till we get back.

Alas, credit is not
for the Gobi desert.

The sands blow,

and one's address
changes with the sand.

Hey! Look who's here!

Well!
It's a small world.

Allow me.

Where's Kengtu?

- Kengtu.
- Where is he?

Okay.

Landers,
you and Jenkins
come with me.

The rest of you,
get your stuff together
and make camp.

What's the plan, Mac?
We got an uncollected I.O.U.
in that floatin' crap game.

What's your name,
honey?

Uh, Jane.

Tarzan.

Tarzan. Jane. Name!

Walter Landers,
U.S. Navy.

Nura-Salu.

Nura-Salu.

That's
a mighty pretty name.

Oh, for Pete's sake, Walt.
You walked all night
with a pack on your back.

Now you're carrying a jug
for this dame?

My strength
is as the strength of 10
because my heart--

Well, at least
I got a reaction.

Oh!
You're very welcome.

- Hi.
- Welcome.

Thanks.

Never thought
we'd be meetin' again.

People not safe.

Kengtu bad leader
if not think of people.
We leave.

Yeah, so I noticed.

And you didn't forget
to take the saddles
with you.

What is it
navy chief wishes?

Kengtu, we're in trouble.

We're cut off.
Have to reach the sea.

Get home.
You understand?

Desert make
navy chief mad.

Cannot walk across Gobi.
Die in Gobi.

We'd rather die movin'
than sittin'.

We need horses,
supplies and a guide.

You promised
to help before.
Help now.

Promise to help Chengwan,
keep Jap from oasis,

not fight big birds
in sky.

Look, pal,
we ain't askin' you
to fight for us.

We're just askin' you
to help us reach the sea.

Look, Mongols accepted 60
fine saddles from the navy.

Now the navy expects
payment someway.
You figure it out.

Congress is now
in session.

Come on. We'll get
the returns later.

Well, it looks like
you made a hit,
Walter, my boy.

Tell me,
how do you do it?

My training
as a meteorologist.

I can take
one look at a girl
and tell weather.

What's taking them
so long?

Probably a filibuster
from Tomec.

I'm getting a bad case
of Tomec poisoning.

That vulture's back.

Here they come.

We decide.

Now, isn't that
just peachy?

The no-good,
double-crossin'
buzzards.

What are we gonna do
with 60 stinkin' saddles
in the middle of the desert?

Take it easy.
Perhaps I can answer
that question.

Am I to understand
these saddles
are for sale?

I don't know.
What's your proposition?

Not very new.

But the leather
is of passable quality.

I will give you
four camels.
There's seven of us.

The rider can count
his camels,

but the camel
cannot count
his riders.

Okay. It's a deal.

You have ridden
camels before?
Nope. Never.

Then perhaps it would
be wise for you to accompany
my humble caravan...

to the next
water hole.

I will teach you
the way of the camel.

Okay. We'll take you up
on that.

The region
of which you speak...

is called by some
the Sands of Thunder,

by others
the Singing Dunes.

He wasn't kiddin'
about these beasts.
I'm sick.

Do what I did, Elwood.
Dump it over the side.

I have been trading
in camels for 27 years,

and I have learned
many lessons.

One lesson
I have learned is
never trust a Mongol.

You can say that again.

I have yet to learn
what it is that wins
their loyalty.

But perhaps
I talk too much.

That's right, Nose-ring.
You talk too much.

How you feelin', Elwood?
I'm givin' up camels
for Lent.

Take it easy, boy.

Maybe we'd do better
if we harnessed
some of these bugs.

You guys better
hit the sack.

You're not kidding.
I'll stand
the first watch.

Coney.

You're on, kid.

Keep your eyes peeled.

I don't trust
those jokers.

- Who's there?
- It is I, Yin Tang.

There is sleeplessness
in the air tonight.

The desert
is full of sounds.

I don't hear anything.
Your ears
are not attuned.

Dried melon strips
from Hami.

A delectable food.

Taste one.
No. No, thanks.

Nowhere in the world
are the melons
like those of Hami.

Their drying process
cannot be duplicated.

Some say
it is the climate,

but perhaps
it is the--

Hey, Mac! Mac!

Hit the deck! Come on!
Drop that knife, you slob!

Kengtu.

Yin Tang bad man.

Cheat Mongols.

Cheat navy.
Sell camels
many times over.

Same camels.

Oh, my achin' throat.

Well, it looks like we owe
the 1st Mongolian Cavalry
a vote of thanks.

Did not do for thanks.
For saddles.

What?

People sad
to give up saddles.
We talk over.

Navy chief still wish
help from Mongols?

All the help
we can get.

Give order.
Mongols obey.

Kengtu, you just
help us reach the sea,
you can have the saddles...

and 60 beautiful
saddle blankets
to go with them.

We do.

Thanks, pal.

It don't make sense.

If they wanted the saddles, why
didn't they let those cookies
knock us off, then take 'em?

Sabatello,
you can think of more
things to worry about.

I don't get it,
and what I don't get,
I don't like.

Looks like you ain't
been gettin' much lately.

Brother, this looks like
a ladies' dressing room.

Hey, Jenkins.
Yeah?

Get our gear together
and turn it over to
the Mongols, will you?

All right.
Step on it, you guys.
We gotta get moving.

How does
this kimono work?
This way, Elwood.

You better get that stuff
off your bugle too.

Hey, Mac.
I'm not beefing.

What's the official rule
about being caught
out of uniform?

We ain't gonna be caught.
Yeah, but suppose we are?

Look, do you guys wanna
get out of this desert,

or do you wanna
sit here and fry?

Kengtu ain't gonna
risk his men traveling
with us in uniform.

We wanna get out, Mac,
but let's be sensible.

Maybe we just oughta
borrow seven horses
and take off.

I've been trying--
How do you know
you can trust this guy?

He crossed us once before.
He just saved
your stupid life.

Ah, come on, you guys.
Quit stallin' around
and get dressed.

Quit acting like
a bunch of phony brides.

You guys can do
whatever you wanna do.

Me? I ain't gettin' out
of this uniform.

There's nothing in the book
says I got to.

Sabatello,
this is an order--
strip!

Not me, pal.

Anybody wants this uniform,
they gotta take it off me.

You heard him, boys.

What do you suppose
they'll do with those guys?

They may get off
with five days.
Five days?

Yeah. Hanging from a tree
by their thumbs.

You come.

Ready, navy chief?
Okay, pal. Let's go.

There's one thing
you can be sure of.

Kengtu or no Kengtu,
on foot or on horse,

if I'd known when we shoved off
what it meant to cross Mongolia,

I'd have stayed in Chengwan
and taken our chances
with the Nips and the lizards.

Or, at least, that's the way
I felt until our pal, the Jap
spotter, showed up again...

and went right by us
like a hunting dog
that had lost the scent.

They went thataway,
you dirty--
Yeah, get a horse!

Cut them off
at the pass!

Knock it off, will ya?
Voices can carry for miles
in the desert.

Who's gonna hear us?

There's bound to be
a Jap patrol on that
buzzard's tail, so clam up.

Japs. Mix in with
the Mongols. Japs.

Somebody-- I think
it was Landers--

told me that the word "Gobi"
means "wall of spears."

Whoever named it must have
tried to get through it.

And the heat--
it didn't beat down,
it swam up.

It floated off the ground
like too much batter
in a waffle iron.

It soon had us all half bugs
and weaving in the saddle.

Elwood! Hey, Mac!

Elwood.

Come on, kid. Come on.
Snap out of it.
I can't make it, Mac.

Just stick with it, Elwood.
You can rest pretty soon.

Kengtu says we ought to
be hitting a village.
Come on, boy.

Hey, Jenks,
give us a hand.
Okay. Come on, kid.

He'll get us to the sea,
all right.

He'll get us there,
if it kills every one of us.

As for Kengtu,
he didn't miss a trick.

He paid no attention
to the compass,

but he always seemed to know
exactly where he was headed.

And when we ran into
other nomad tribes,

he was like a used-car salesman
trading our tired horses in
on new ones.

Here you go.
Good.

He's beat, Mac.
I don't think he can
take another day.

He'll do it.
He's gotta do it.

How 'bout it, Elwood?
You're still in there
pitching, ain't you, kid?

Yeah. Sure, Mac.
I'm with you.

That-a-boy.

We get fresh horses.
Sleep tonight with friends,
then go on.

Danger ahead.
Beyond mountain, China.

China full of Japs.

But we stayed lucky,
for the moment anyway.

And when we began to run
into rice fields and coolies...

and passed the Great Wall,

we knew we were in China.

Sangchien.

Thirty li
from coast.
We go round.

Kengtu, I'm for going
into Sangchien.

I know it's risky,
but the Chinese are allies.

Maybe we can contact Chongqing,
let 'em know where we are.

Maybe you could get us
off your hands.

We go in.
Okay.
Cover up, boys!

We're marching
through Georgia.

Take a look around,

see if you can find
an official or a head man
we can trust.

We'll wait over there.

I do.

Boy, I'd like
to drown slowly
in an ocean of beer.

What I'd like
is a brand-new--
Stow it.

Say, what kind
of ceremo--

**

Jap soldiers all over.
Many men, many horses.

Wouldn't you know,
we'd pick a garrison town.

Get your men together
and saddle up.

Bring our horses
to the far gate.

Hutukhtu, temple
of living Buddha.
Go there.

What about the horses?
We get horses.

**

**

Door at side.
Men and horses wait.

Why, you lousy--
Sabatello!

They put us in a truck and
convoyed us out of Sangchien.

When the truck
came out of the hills,
I saw it,

sparkling and glistening,
catching the rays of the sun.

We'd made it.

Argos Detachment 6,
under the brilliant leadership
of Sam McHale,

had reached the sea...

as prisoners.

Come on. Lay off.

Take it easy.

All right!
Take it easy!

"McHale, Samuel T.,

serial number
5640672."

You have had
a huge journey, Sam.
Yeah.

How irritating
for such epic trip to end
as prisoners of Japanese.

Such boldness,
such heroics deserves
better fate.

Fortunately, Japan is
civilized nation, Sam.

We do not mistreat
prisoners.

We know all about
weather teams in Gobi.

We have already, uh,
conquered four.

All we wish, Sam,
is to realize
how many others.

Also where.
Sorry, I can't help you.

Sam, be comforted.

You are not unclosing
anything of vitality.

We already have much
of this information.

If you've already got it,
why ask me?

Small pieces
to fit in place.

Now, Sam, let us put
our hair down, huh?

Where are the units?

I don't know.

The high command never
bothered to confide in me.
You're lying! Speak!

My name
is Samuel T. McHale,

serial number 5640672,

Chief Bosun's Mate,
United States Navy.

Navy, huh?

Hmm.

Strange suiting
for American navy.

Well, our uniforms wore out.
We stole these outfits.

How do I know this?
You seem to know
everything else about us.

I have changed my mind.
I confess to ignorance.

I know only that we have
captured seven Americans
wearing Mongol suiting...

in Japanese-held
territory.

What are you getting at?

Under rules
of Geneva Conference--

Now, look.
Our uniforms wore out,
I tell you.

I made my men change.
I ordered them to,
you got that?

I ordered them!
I know nothing.

You know we're
American sailors.

What are American sailors
doing in the desert?

We were sending
weather reports
from neutral territory.

Who else was sending
these reports?
Where are they?

How many are left?
You talk! You talk!

You tell us all about
weather teams!
My name is Samuel T. McHale.

Here he comes.

How'd it go?
What's gonna happen
to us, Mac?

We are
prisoners of w*r,

aren't we?

We're spies.

Aw, quit
eatin' yourself, Mac.
Anybody can guess wrong.

Yeah. Nobody's
blaming you.

Who says we ain't?
This whole screwball scheme
was his idea!

Playin' ball
with them Mongols,
puttin' on these outfits.

We're spies, got that?
Spies!

We're gonna be lined up
against the wall and shot!

Sabatello,
what I like about you...

is your colorful speech.

Yeah.

Why don't you write a book?
You could call it
How I Became A Crud.

Hey, it's a navy officer.

It's Harpo.
Where'd he get
the outfit?

It's a lieutenant commander.
Hey, it's Wyatt's uniform.

The good one
the skipper was missing.

You poor dumb joker.

Didn't you know
they'd pick you up,
wearing this?

Kengtu. Kengtu.

Did Kengtu send you?
Huh?

Did he send you?
Kengtu.

Now, wait a minute.
Is Kengtu here?

Is he around here
somewhere?

- What's that?
- I don't know.

Kengtu.
A boat.
Kengtu has a boat.

That's it!
Where is it?
Where is boat?

- Where is it?
- Hagascana.

Hagascana?
Where's that?

It's anybody's guess.

Boat. Where?
Where boat?

My wristwatch!
Huh.

It's pointing at 12:00?
That's midnight.

No, you-- you can
keep it, Wali.

What about 12:00?
Midnight?
What about it?

Well, here we go again.

Holy smokes. What's that?

- Those could be clouds.
- Could be.

What are the lines for?

Rain! Kengtu says
it's gonna rain
tonight, right?

Rain. Sure.
Good.
That's great.

All over wet.
What's this?

To fly?
We're to escape at midnight
in the rain.

Oh, fine. Great.
We'll just fly over
all that barbed wire.

How 'bout that, Wali?
How are we gonna cut our way
through the wire?

Cut. Wire. Cut. Here.
Cut. Wire.

How're we gonna do it?
Yeah, through there.
Yeah, escape.

That's it.

What now?
I don't know.

Here it comes.
Now, how could Kengtu
have predicted it?

I didn't even know
it would rain.

All right, Wali.
Give me those cutters.
Hurry.

Holy cow. What kind
of a boat is that?

It's a Chinese junk.

We can't go to sea in that.
We'd be better off
in a rowboat.

It's okay, Wali. It's okay.
Just as long as she floats.

What'd you guys expect,
the Enterprise?

Why do they
call this a "junk"?
What else would you call it?

Coney, Jenkins,
man those sweeps
right there.

Let's go.
Sabatello, Swenson,
slip the forward lines.

The forward lines, right there!
Landers, take the tiller.

Tiller?
The tiller, aft.

Oh.
Halsey, haul away
on that line.

All right.
Come on. Let's go.
Move it.

I reckon this
is a sweep.

Are we gonna have to
row to Okinawa?

Hey, Mac, what do you do
with this overgrown oar?
Here. Hold it.

Put it in the grommet
like this.
The what?

Grommet. There.

Now, when she
drifts clear, dig in.
All right.

Sure got this thing
tied up in knots.

Yeah, we may have to
take the wharf with us.

Sabatello,
just slip it off.
Come on. Let's go.

Well, look who's here.

Japs have cannon.
Navy have cannon too.

Okay, boys,
lend a hand here.

Where do you suppose
he got that thing?

From in front
of the city hall.
Where else?

We thought you
tricked us.

No trick friends.
Trick Japs.

Cannot get sheep
through den of wolves,

let wolves
take sheep through.

Your sheep ain't out
of the woods yet, mate.

If we get through,
you're gonna be
hearing from us.

You better shove off now.
We're liable to be spotted
any second. Good luck to you.

I said you better go.
Jump off boat quick.

Cannot.
Japs all around.
Catch Mongols.

Okay, stay on board.
We'll drop you off
along the coast somewhere.

Better get your boys
on board.

Come on! Get aboard!
Hey, Mac,
this rope's stuck!

Are we gonna take
those horses with us too?
The horses go with us.

All right. Halsey,
get on that sweep.
Right.

Landers, stand by the helm.
Sabatello, go forward
as lookout.

All right, Swenson.
Get on here with me.

Right rudder.

Right rudder.

Ease up on those sweeps.

Can't see 10 feet ahead
in this soup.

What's that?
Well, it ain't
a new supermarket.

If it spots us, we're sunk.
We couldn't outrun
a garbage scow on this tub.

Give me a hand
with this cannon.
Cannon? Are you kidding?

Ulysses S. Grant
wouldn't have used
this hunk of scrap iron.

You think it
still works, Mac?
It better.

We got the shot,
but we need powder.

Kengtu, have your men
break open all the b*ll*ts
they got.

Coney,
give them a hand.

We'll need wadding, too,
and a ramrod.

Halsey, you and Jenkins
take a look below,
see what you can find.

Step on it.

Come on!

Coney, where's that powder?
Come on!
It's comin', Mac. It's comin'.

Let me have
those cannonballs.

Here we go.
There.

All right!
Bring her around!

We'll probably get a chance
for just one shot,
so it better be good.

Got it?
Yeah. I'm looking
right down her throat.

Say when, Mac.
Hold it.

Stand clear,
everybody!

Okay! Fire!

We got 'em!
Hit 'em right
in the breadbasket!

Hey, how about that?
I feel like
John Paul Jones!

Guess you'd call this
our first naval victory.

Yeah. The question is,
who took the worse beating?

Wow.

Coney!
Hey, Coney boy.

We'll bury him at sea,

out of these waters.

Coney.

Kengtu, I'm afraid you're
gonna have to go the rest
of the way with us.

It's too risky
to drop you off.
Must get home to people.

Have fight with Tomec.
He take others back to Gobi,
make trouble.

We'll get you home.
I give you my word.

We'll get you home
if it takes an admiral's
plane to do it.

Sabatello,
find some tools,
start repairing damage.

Landers,
what's our heading?

1-5-0.

Bear left to 1-2-5.

The rest of you guys,
bear a hand with these sails.
Come on! Look alive!

Swenson, go forward.
Get on those halyards,
take 'em off the cleats.

Halyards? Cleats?
This is a halyard,
and this is a cleat.

How am I supposed to know?
I'm a weatherman.

You'll be a sailor
by the time we get
to Okinawa.

Come on. Let's go.

Eleven days and 600 miles later,

we were spanking along
under full sail,

dead on course for Okinawa.

I was proud of every kid
on that bucket.

They'd repaired
the superstructure,
patched sails,

cleaned and scrubbed
the decks.

A month ago, they were
a bunch of weathermen
chasing balloons.

Now they were sailors
sailing a ship.

Hey, it's planes!
Hey!
Maybe they're ours!

Hey!

Let's go.

Haul that tarp clear,
on the double!

Get out of here!

Hey!
Hey! Whoo!

Hey! Hey!

A few days later,
the w*r was over.

Just a couple
of days after that,
an admiral's plane--

Yeah, you heard me--
an admiral's plane--

circled a grassy oasis
in Inner Mongolia...

and headed in
for a landing.

Oh. Okay, Harpo.

Mac, what are you doing?
Pinnin' on your medal?

Well, uh, Wali
asked me to wear it.

You know, the Mongols--
they put great store
in these things.

I won't tell anybody.

Thanks.

Hey, hey, hey! Get your
saddle blankets, compliments
of the United States Navy!

They're free!
Only one to a customer!

Here you are!
Hello, Joe!
What do you know?

Here you are.
Split it up.

Hello, Nura-Salu.

A present for you.

A present.

It's--
It's an overnight bag.

You know, when you travel
from oasis to oasis.

Wali-- he tell them
of navy boat...

big enough to carry
iron birds that fly...

and all Mongols of Gobi.

Wali-- he tell them of
great Navy Chief McHale.

Oh, well, now, uh--
now, look, Kengtu,

there's one thing
you gotta get straight.

I'm only
a chief petty officer.
I don't run the navy.

You make mistake.

Not my mistake.

Navy mistake.

The 1st Mongolian Cavalry.
What an outfit.

What a leader.
Yeah.

He should have gotten
the Navy Cross, not me.