Relax, I'm From The Future (2023)

[bunniefuu]

(OLD-TIME JAUNTY MUSIC PLAYING)

What are you doing? Pass it!

What's that?

(MUSIC DISTORTS)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(MUFFLED SHOUTS)

(MUFFLED SHOUTS)

(CHILDREN YELLING)

What the f*ck? Hey! Hey!

f*cking cheesedick. Pederast!

f*cking gimp-suit-wearing piece of sh*t!

Not in my f*cking neighborhood!

Hey, hey! Just relax. I've come to...

Oh, hi. I need something to write with.

Like a tablet, or a flat thing, something.

I mean... you can use this if you want.

Oh, yes.

That's great.

Ahoy, there! If you're reading this,

please don't be angry with me.

But I have traveled back in time.

Don't worry, everything is under control

despite one or two complications.

For example, you may notice I've written

this on several scraps of garbage.

Ooh!

Hello again. I would like

to place a bet on the sports situation.

Hockey for money.

-There's my money.

-Okay, man.

It's a problem of context.

I've discovered that in some situations,

you don't just need the answers,

you need to show your work.

I don't know any of this.

You know, you could also use

that money for, like, the bus.

-What?

-Like, to leave.

That's maybe the biggest difference

here. Nothing is simple.

Everything seems designed

to be slightly frustrating.

This is a bus stop, isn't it? Oh, good.

Big day. It's the berries.

Mmm.

Everything is just fine.

No? Okay. Oh.

Ooh. Do you still have libraries?

Did you know they kept printing physical

books throughout the 20th century?

I mean, there are so many of them.

Apparently, they just started making

them so badly, they all dissolved.

Incredible. Honestly, not a bad metaphor

for the century as a whole.

Hi. Ooh!

It does seem like I missed

a lot of pretty big events.

Much of my prepared research is,

well, stuff that's happened already,

and thus is not very impressive

to people.

In fact, I arrived

somewhat shockingly low

in what you might call

immediately useful information.

But I know I can make this work.

Hey. We're closing in a few minutes.

So if you just wanna

bring that book to the front...

Yeah, okay.

I'm running out of space,

so I'll keep this brief.

But if you do find this, there'll be

other notes as well buried around here.

Plus a few other surprises.

Everything will become clear.

Trust in the plan, okay?

There is a plan.

Your humble servant, Casper.

(SNORING)

Ahem.

Um... Um...

Sir? Sir? Hi, yeah. Um...

I'm going to ask you to leave.

Oh, no. Actually, I need more time.

Could you pop back later?

Yeah. I'm gonna

have to take you outside.

It's the outfit, isn't it?

Or the smell. Is it the smell?

It's actually because you slept here.

You can't do that.

-But also it is the smell.

-I understand.

We're pretty chill here usually.

But you have actually done

a lot of things wrong.

-(GASPS) Are those our...

-Yeah. No.

-Okay.

-Don't worry about that.

Uh... Uh...

There is a plan.

You're part of something now.

-Oh! Okay, thanks.

-Yeah, cool.

Okay. Cool! But I... Oh. Okay. Yeah.

-Hello! I'd like one, please.

-Five dollars.

Oh. Well, then, I would like the food

that is for no dollars, please.

Nothing for nothing, boss. Move.

-(HEAVY ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

-(BANGING ON DOOR)

WOMAN: Holly! Open up!

The cops maced me.

In the face! In my face, Holly!

-You wanna get that?

-Open the door, you flaky b*tch!

-f*ck!

-Jesus. Hi, I guess.

-Hey, Alana.

-Fool-looking little piglets!

Fascist n*zi f*ck!

-Yeah, sounds like a great time.

-Yeah.

Would have been nice to have

some f*cking backup, though!

Oh, I'm gonna get them

all f*cking fired.

-Your f*cking salad days are over.

-It's really f*cking sparkly.

Those f*cking f*ck!

This is getting a little intense for me.

But this was fun.

Oh. Actually, I'm good.

Call me, okay?

-(MUSIC STOPS)

-Yeah.

Just get a f*cking kiss on the cheek?

Bye, dreadlocks.

-Don't be mean.

-I'm just saying.

I find it interesting that you drag along

that kind of people now.

The Holly from two years ago

would never.

Well, maybe the Holly from two years ago

was a judgmental b*tch.

-You really should have come today.

-Should I, though?

-It matters to show up.

-Does it, though?

Yeah, it does. Being shitty about it

doesn't make you right.

Okay. Okay, I'm sorry.

I'm just hungry. Yeah.

-Who the f*ck is that?

-Huh?

Oh. It's just a guy.

Come on, buddy! Get the f*ck up!

See? He's going.

Is that my f*ck' beer?

What the f*ck are you doing?

These nachos are soul-crushing.

It should literally be ill*gal

to sell shitty nachos

under a late-stage capitalism.

That's supposed to be the deal

in exchange for our f*cking souls.

It's fine. I'll just give 'em

to somebody who...

Yo, bud. Uh, do you want

some depressing corn chips?

Yes, please! Oh, wow.

Mmm. These are really good.

Yeah, they're really not that good, bro.

But, um, have at 'em.

That outfit kind of rules.

Where'd you get it?

-The future.

-(LAUGHS)

-I'm serious. Where'd you get the suit?

-I know that! That's a band.

Is that current? Are they now?

Um, I'm working door for them tonight,

so, yeah, it's very now.

That's fantastic.

Don't.

Hey, do you wanna go?

(SINGING) Why disguise my bad intentions?

I got nothing to hide

Except the tendency

to separate the part of me

That's feeling too desperate to die

I wanna thank the academy

Well, isn't it great?

I'm doing something productive

with my self-destruction

It's the one thing keeping me sane

How's that for your glass half full?

It's not even my best trait

Crawling out of the hole inside of me

Try to k*ll 'em before I come undone

I can tell they're on to me

I can feel it in my blood

Spilling out of the hole inside of me

Try to fill it before I come undone

But it's just a part of me

that I can't get away from

Crawling out of the hole

Crawling out of the hole

Crawling out of the hole inside of me

-(SONG ENDS)

-Whoo!

(CHEERING)

Thanks a lot. We're gonna take

a quick break. We'll see you in a sec.

-Oh.

-Hey, Casper.

-Is that a cigarette?

-Sure is, pal.

Wow. Okay. Don't mind if I do.

Yeah. (CLEARS THROAT) Thank you.

-Oh, sh*t. Oh, f*ck.

-(COUGHS)

-You good there?

-Yeah.

There's always an off one in a pack.

Did you know that?

-No, I didn't.

-Yeah, it must have... Oh.

-You okay?

-Yeah. So cool.

Very cool. Yeah.

Oh.

Actually, it's a really good time

to see this band.

Mmm, yeah. I love these guys.

No, I mean, they're only good right now.

-What?

-They get pretty bad.

Their next recording, it's not awful,

but it's definitely a step down.

And then they don't tour for a while.

And so next time they come out

and perform like this,

it's actually a bit embarrassing.

They're more famous,

but the music's bad.

It's a pretty creative way

to be a d*ck about music.

Preemptive snobbery. Well done.

-Oh, please. I'm not a d*ck, I promise.

-Yeah?

All I'm saying is,

you should take this in.

This is a special, unique night.

Enjoy the show.

'Cause in the future, most people

will just get a worse version of this.

-Do you wanna do a line?

-You mean like drugs?

Yeah.

-Whoo!

-Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down there, man.

Alana will literally never forgive me

if I k*ll a homeless guy tonight.

-Okay, got it. Chips ahoy!

-Shh!

Okay, I'm quiet. I'm being quiet.

But, look, just to let you know,

in the future, about 30 years from now,

this is legal, and everyone's doing it.

Most places say, "Yeah, you can do it."

Not just this but all sorts of drugs.

It was before my time, so I didn't

really get a chance to do it.

So it's good I get to do it now.

It's feeling really good!

Okay, that's great.

But you're not from the future.

(SNORTING) Whoo! No, I am.

Okay, for the sake of arguing,

I will admit

that the music possibilities

are intriguing.

But you're saying

you can't jump back and forth, right?

-Mmm. Only backwards.

-Okay.

So, like, CBGBs in the mid-'70s

would be dope,

but then having to live through the '80s

as a q*eer, Black vag*na-haver...

-Oh.

-No f*cking thank you.

-Really? Not good there?

-No.

-Okay.

-Then you've got Alana in the mid-'90s.

But, like, would Missy

even be friends with me?

-Missy?

-Missy Elliott.

-She'd be your friend.

-She'd be my friend.

-Yeah, I think so.

-Ugh.

But then there's all the bullshit

afterwards, so I don't think I'd do it.

-History's a f*cking trash pile, bro.

-(SIGHS)

Okay, interesting take.

If I'm being honest, I don't even think

I'd, like, k*ll baby Hitler,

or skullfuck David Duke, or whatever

the, you know, the moral equivalent is.

-Wait. Did you say "skullfuck"?

-Skullfuck, like...

-Jesus!

-Neo-n*zi prick.

Just f*ck' skullfuck him

in the f*ck' face...

-No, don't do that.

-It just...

It feels like way too much work, right?

To do something

that would actually matter, you know?

Yeah.

-Does that make me a bad person?

-No.

-You're not a bad person.

-No.

Remember, you got me nachos and drugs.

Yeah. But that's not enough. Right?

I mean, I almost feel

like it should be enough,

but I'm not actually good at anything.

-So that's bad. I don't know.

-Come on.

-Yeah.

-You are good at stuff.

I used to care more. Like, a lot.

But it's like, every time

I found something to care about,

I'd eventually find out some detail

about that thing,

or movement, or person,

and it turns out, they're also shitty.

Punks turn out to be Nazis.

Hippies turn out to be rapists.

White people in sweaters

turn out to be n*zi rapists.

-Everything's a trap.

-Everything's a n*zi r*pist.

Everything's a f*cking n*zi r*pist trap.

-That's shocking.

-Yeah.

Nothing's just good.

What if I was to tell you

that everything does work out?

And that you don't need to feel so bad?

-Hmm. It sounds fake.

-Okay. Hold this.

-Yeah.

-I've got a point to make.

I'm getting up into my serious position.

Yep.

-Here I am.

-Okay.

-You see me?

-Mmm-hmm.

Okay. Things do get a lot better.

They really do. I promise.

-They do?

-Yeah.

-There's a plan.

-Yeah?

Okay? So you don't have to worry

about it. Pressure's off.

-Prove it.

-Okay, but if I prove it...

can I crash on your couch?

-(LAUGHS)

-Please!

I need somewhere to sleep.

-Yeah, man.

-Okay, I will prove it. What's the time?

-Like, 2:00 maybe.

-Really?

-I don't f*cking know.

-Okay. Come on, we've gotta go.

-I'm gonna prove this to you now.

-Okay.

-No, you take it. I don't want it.

-What?

-I'm gonna prove it to you!

-Okay.

-Come on!

-f*ck!

-Oh, are you okay? Here.

-Yeah.

Jesus!

-So, this place, huh?

-Yeah, this is it!

Okay.

Here. We'll sit here in this fatal booth.

(CASPER CHUCKLES)

-Oh, my God. I can't believe we're here.

-Okay. So, what's the plan here, champ?

(WHISPERS) Oh, my God. There he is.

This is the guy.

I know everything about this man.

Watch this.

Hey.

-Okay, he's coming over.

-All right, um...

-(EXHALES)

-What would you like?

-Hello, Percy.

-Sorry. Have we met?

Uh, no. Uh, well, we have now.

Um, how's your sketches coming along?

Have you sold any yet or still no luck?

Yeah, I'm... I'm not...

I don't know who you are.

I'm sorry. Um, at this stage, we'll just

get two coffees, please. Thank you.

-Wow.

-What the hell was that? Who is he?

Okay, so he's nobody at the moment.

But after he dies, people discover

his work. He's an amazing artist.

He does these little cartoons.

This guy is a genuine cult hero.

-Well, he becomes one. Posthumously.

-Oh, okay, sure.

So, like, if the Garfield guy was also

the Confederacy of Dunces guy?

-What'd you say? Garfield guy?

-Yeah. Like the cat.

-The orange cat.

-A cat? That does not sound good.

-Big eyes.

-This guy is good.

-Okay.

-Yeah. Very popular with nihilists.

Interesting.

Thank you, Percy.

Love your work!

Are you changing, like, the fabric

of reality or whatever just by existing?

No! Of course not.

You k*ll some butterfly

and the world ends, yeah?

There's a thing like that.

Jurassic Park and sh*t.

I don't know. I haven't been there.

Or is it like,

with every small decision,

you create a whole new reality,

like a multiverse

with an infinite number of timelines?

No. That's ridiculous.

There's only one timeline

and one reality. This is it.

And it's not really a "fabric."

It's more of a mushy blob.

Mushy blob of reality. Imagine that.

So some little differences can happen,

but the mushy blob of reality

just kind of congeals over the changes.

And then... (WHOOSHES)

time keeps on rockin'.

-"Congeals?"

-Yeah, I like to say congeals.

So only really the big things matter,

like, um, life and death.

Major cultural shifts or political stuff.

-Wait. What time is it?

-It is 2:13 in the morning...

Oh, that's perfect. Right. Look outside.

Now, remember the word "ba*ls." Okay?

-You looking? Here we go.

-Yeah.

Three, two, one.

Come on. Okay, I might have been a bit

ambitious with the old countdown there.

Forget the countdown. It's definitely

gonna happen any moment now.

(CLEARS THROAT)

I'll try the countdown again.

Three... No, I'm not gonna bother

with it, actually.

But it's definitely gonna...

Any... any moment now.

Mmm. You know what? This has been fun.

But, um, I think we just...

(GASPS) Yes!

(THUDDING)

-(TIRES SCREECHING)

-(HORNS BLARING)

The explanation turns out

to be quite boring.

It's just a shipment that comes loose

from a cargo plane.

But weird, eh?

I mean, people remember this.

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

-(TIRES SCREECHING)

-Oh!

(LAUGHS)

-What the...

-Yes!

(CAR ALARMS BLARE)

What did I tell ya?

(DOG BARKS)

What are you trying to say to me?

Am I a joke to you?

Oh, wow. That's the moment.

Here we go. And there's the crate.

Yeah. This actually really messes him up.

-(SHOWER RUNNING)

-CASPER: This is great! Thank you!

Listen, um, I'm breaking

several key personal rules here.

So just be aware

that if you try to k*ll me or something,

I'll, you know, k*ll you.

Okay, yep.

That's, uh... That's fair enough.

I own several knives!

-So, you know...

-Got it!

How do I look?

Do you, like... know everything

I'm about to say?

No. I mean, do you know

every conversation from, say, 1847?

Or would you just know some scattered

facts about that general time period?

sh*t, not even.

-So, what do you know exactly?

-It's complicated.

I mean, a lot of information and media

gets lost over time.

Long-term accessible data storage

isn't really what you guys are good at.

So I'm left with patchwork,

digital residue, and metadata.

Basically a lot

of very specific statistics,

figures, and numbery things

with very little context.

Imagine looking at a map

with a microscope.

-That's what I did.

-Like, as a job?

Yeah. I just found what I could

and patched it together

into some kind of picture of the past.

Uh-huh. And you bring stuff back

with you in your time machine?

(CHUCKLES) No.

There are no time machines.

So, what do you travel in, then?

It's kind of like a singularity.

A miniature black hole.

But not really a black hole.

-Like a portal?

-No.

You know what? Yes.

They're highly regulated.

The first one pops up

in about 50 years' time from now.

Way up north. They all seem to come

to this time period.

Wait. They all go to this time?

Yeah, pretty much.

All within a couple of decades.

Well, isn't that significant somehow?

That they all lead here?

-I don't know.

-Okay.

Oh, by the way,

when you go through a portal,

you can't take anything organic, okay?

So nothing that can rot or corrode.

No air holes.

And no technology.

Nothing that gives yourself away.

So I wrote a lot of things down

on my hands.

Notes on both hands,

and my memory, which I lost a bit of.

But, yeah, a lot of writing down for me.

Mmm. Like, um, sports stats?

-Hey!

-Oh! sh*t, sorry.

I've gotta be careful.

But, yeah, sports.

I know the winning teams from baseball,

hockey, and the other one.

-For the next 20 years.

-Next 20 years?

Mmm-hmm. I thought it would be useful,

but I don't think it will be now.

-Um, definitely useful.

-Really?

Sure. Private bookies, online gambling.

The playoffs aren't for another few

months, but if we know where it's going,

we can totally clean up

playing the long game.

-Really? You know how to do that?

-Sure.

It's easy because,

um, I'm an actual, real person,

so I own a valid ID and a credit card.

-Oh, that sounds great!

-Okay. What else?

Uh, well, I do have

some lottery information.

Yes! Dope.

Oh, my God. We have to drink to that.

Okay, but don't get too excited

because we've gotta be careful.

Okay? Nothing too big

on those winning fronts.

-Yeah.

-Nothing life-changing.

Should you, like, officially

not be telling me any of this?

Officially, yeah, I should not be

telling you any of this.

Yeah, man. I'm not gonna lie, feels like

you should have had a better plan.

No, this is the plan.

This is phase one, making money.

Which really

I didn't put enough thought into.

-So, what's phase two?

-Saving the world.

-Cool. Glad somebody's on that.

-Cheers.

You do know the consequences

of all of this?

-Um, we get paid.

-I mean, you could make some real money.

-Yeah.

-Get really rich.

-Yeah.

-Famous.

Be the kind of person

who makes so much money,

they could make

some real changes in the world.

Mmm.

But you can't do that. Ever.

Here's the deal.

You'll never have to worry about money,

but you've gotta cruise.

You can't use that money

to make a name for yourself.

Stay anonymous.

And just live comfortably

for the rest of your days.

Do you think you could do that?

Honestly, that sounds great.

-Well, all right!

-Yeah.

Are there more of you?

Is anyone gonna, like, follow you?

No. I doubt it.

-(DINGS)

-ELECTRONIC VOICE: Hello!

(LAUGHS)

DORIS: Welcome!

-Stasis or Static?

-Yes! Thank you!

-Uh, could you repeat, please?

-Stasis or Static?

I'm ready. Just point me

in the right direction and I...

-Thought so.

-Hello!

Hello!

-Don't wait up.

-Yes, Doris.

(GRUNTING)

I made it.

Hello!

Stasis or Static?

Wait. Wait.

(SIGHS)

Right. Now where am I?

ELECTRONIC VOICE:

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday, dear Doris

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday, dear...

Okay.

Companion module off.

Delete that f*cking file.

-Hello!

-DORIS: f*ck!

(CHILDREN SCREAMING)

-sh*t!

-MAN: Ahh!

Yeah, you run, you twisted pervert!

Get the hell out of my neighborhood!

God damn it!

Hey! Hey! Can I help you?

-Hey! No, no, no!

-Out of my way!

-I need to find that man.

-You listen to me, lady.

I don't care about whatever g*dd*mn

Illuminati hide-and-seek sex games

you sickos are playin',

but this is my neighborhood.

And I'm not gonna have my kids

dealing with this sh*t.

So you get the hell out,

and don't come back, either of you!

You understand me, lady?

Hey! Do you understand me, lady?

Yes. I understand you, sir.

-Good.

-I apologize.

Oh.

Will you hold this for me, please?

-Hello!

-What the f*ck was that?

That's what I thought. It's blue.

That means your life has no weight.

Hey, f*ck you!

(EXHALES)

TV COMMENTATOR: Now, after

an incredible third-period turnaround,

Edmonton has less than 30 seconds

to grab victory from the jaws of defeat.

-There's a pass, another pass.

-Watch this sh*t.

-And there it is! Score!

-ALANA: What?

-Oh, yes! Did you see that sh*t?

-I don't f*cking believe it.

Holy sh*t! I love sports now.

Oh, my God. Oh, yeah.

(LINE RINGING)

Yo, Mitch! It's Holly.

-Ah, God, uh...

-You know what this means?

Payday, m*therf*cker!

Do you know why I always win?

'Cause I've got arcane knowledge

from the g*dd*mn future! sh*t!

CASPER: The crazy thing is,

it all pretty much works out all right.

That's what everyone

essentially wants to hear.

I've never been great at connecting

with people at the best of times,

but there's something special

about talking to someone

with a defined expiration date.

It makes things easier somehow

if you both know, well, it's gonna end.

-Safer too.

-(KNOCKING ON WINDOW)

Plus, it means you can usually

get their stuff afterwards.

And there's so much great stuff.

I wanted to pass these on to my son.

-But he don't appreciate them.

-Let's have a look.

Wow.

-Oh.

-I just want them to be cherished.

I'll tell you what,

if you leave these with me,

I promise you they'll be remembered.

Oh. (CHUCKLES)

Very much so.

Tell me more about the future.

Tell me something else nice.

Okay, sure. Take food, for example.

Micro-agriculture.

It gets to the point

where anyone can grow

almost anything they want

in a single room,

so no one actually runs out of food.

-Oh, that's wonderful!

-It is good.

-Oh, what's this?

-Those are Cathy's.

Scientific surveys

from her research days.

She studied bugs.

Well, this is tangible, first-person,

boots-on-the-ground observations

with context.

It's exactly

what we're missing back home.

I've gotta say,

I've been to three places,

and you, Betty, are my best partner.

-This is dynamite.

-You should meet a nice girl.

It's not that easy.

I'm a bit complicated.

Oh, young men always say that.

Well, what I mean is, the kind of person

that would accept

that I'm a man from the future

might not be the person

I want to spend my whole life with.

-Mmm-hmm.

-Oh, I didn't mean you, though.

No, I love your company.

You're different.

Well, of course. Because I'm dying.

No.

Didn't have to say it like that.

Well... thanks for everything, Betty.

You're a very nice boy.

-(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

-I'll see you again, okay?

Of course, dear.

Bye.

(PHONE BUZZES)

(SIGHS)

How do you even find payphones anymore?

CASPER: There's 803 of them

left in the city.

I know where

each and every one of them are.

Good for you, champ.

Meet me in the diner in one hour.

And bring the thing.

(GROANS)

Would it be considered ironic

that you have terrible timing?

I don't think so. I'll see you soon.

(COUGHS)

-Here's your usual.

-Thank you. Hey, how's Percy doing?

-He's looking a bit rough.

-You're obsessed.

-He's fine.

-Not for long.

-What?

-Hmm? Nothing. I said, "Yum."

-Hmm.

-(SLURPS)

(SIGHS)

-You got it!

-I did!

Oh, wow.

Yes, you are now the proud owner

of a portable X-ray machine.

-For some reason.

-This is awesome!

You planning on telling me

what it's for?

-Phase two, saving the world.

-Right. Phase two.

I told you I had a plan.

-I can't tell you everything.

-I know.

"It's better if you don't know

too much about me.

"Anything further I tell you

will have grave consequences."

-I didn't do... I did not do this.

-Yeah, it was very intense.

-You went like this.

-Did I say "grave"?

-Okay. All right. Fair enough.

-Okay, I got something else for you.

-It's a prepaid phone.

-Oh.

They're mostly used by children,

but you don't need an ID,

and you won't have to rely on payphones

like a '90s drug dealer.

-Oh, it opens.

-And... Bah!

-Oh, that's awesome.

-Not bad, right?

-Look at that!

-And I've got a lotto run tomorrow.

-This is actually working.

-It is!

Yes, man. I've decided

that a life of leisure agrees with me.

Good. Leisure's awesome.

Now, I actually have something

for you to do.

Yeah, yeah, whatever...

whatever you need.

Okay. Can you please deliver this

to Betty Chambers?

She lives in a nursing home

called Better Horizons.

And it has to be tomorrow

before noon. Okay?

Earlier the better.

Definitely before noon.

Normally, I wouldn't ask you to do this,

but tomorrow I do have

a, uh, appointment of sorts

which I've been waiting a long time for.

-Wow. Very cryptic.

-Very cryptic.

(SPLUTTERS)

f*ck.

CASPER: Thank you.

Wait. Like, right here,

right here or...

-Yeah!

-All right.

Well, this is like

the middle of nowhere, man.

-So, I drop you, I'm...

-Yep.

-...I'm not coming back, so...

-Yeah, this is perfect.

Oh, okay. I'm leavin'.

Drivin' away.

(SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

-Hey, Chuck.

-Heyo!

-I like your red box.

-Thanks, Chuck.

This should cover the next month.

-Plus a bit extra.

-Appreciate it, brother.

You've been searching

for me again, haven't you?

Yeah! I admit it. I tried again.

I dug deep, too.

Let me tell ya, I always find something.

And I got nothing.

No government numbers, no photos.

Bubkes, 100% legit, off the grid.

Holy sh*t, brother. I am impressed.

You gotta tell me how you did it.

Wish I could, Chuck.

But I need you on the grid.

I need your name on those land rights.

Yeah, okay. Okay.

But you gotta tell me eventually.

Deal? Before they give us all

the f*ck' microchips.

(CHUCKLES) That doesn't happen, Chuck.

So you say, brother. So you say.

-Hey, I was wondering...

-Uh-uh. No peeking.

f*ck. Fine!

I'm taking my money and f*cking off.

(HEAVY ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)

(MUSIC CONTINUES FAINTLY OVER HEADPHONES)

CHUCK: Brother, I'm not one to pry.

A man's privacy is sacred.

I believe that.

-And I respect our arrangement.

-And I appreciate that, Chuck.

But, I mean...

what the f*ck are you doin'?

It's a fair question.

Have you ever heard

of nuclear semiotics?

-No, I have not.

-Okay.

Nuclear semiotics. (GRUNTS)

The idea behind it is basically

sending a message into the future

without the use of language.

-Like in Chinese.

-No.

Without any words at all.

So, instead, something like...

radiation.

Even mild radiation emanating

from a spot where it should not be.

Mmm-hmm.

You see,

this is your family land, Chuck.

Always will be.

But I don't have a family.

And as you saw,

I don't even have an identity.

And so, buried here

in these radiation holes,

this is my way

of leaving something for the future.

-Far out.

-Yeah.

That's... that's deep, brother.

(BELCHES)

Hey, what kind of something, though?

Ah.

Well, that falls under a man's privacy.

(GROANS) Okay. Well, f*ck me, then.

You just keep that cash coming,

you can bury

all the g*dd*mn secrets you want.

I appreciate that.

-(SIGHS)

-Hmm.

Here's a weird one for you.

Tomorrow, I've got an appointment.

Could be a bit risky,

but I'm excited about it

because I've been planning it

for a long time.

On the other hand,

things are going pretty well.

I've got money now.

I can buy a hot dog whenever I like.

So I'm thinking

maybe I should just stick the course

and forget about this appointment.

What do you think?

I had a theory for a while

that you was, uh... ex-special ops.

-Oh, yeah?

-Blackwater or something.

Sounds about right.

No, you're much too doughy

to be an operator. So that's out.

Now I'm thinkin'

you're some kind of gentleman thief.

Some George Clooney type.

And you're talkin'

some sort of one-last-job scenario.

It's a bank heist, isn't it?

Just because if it is,

I think you should do it.

I say you gotta grab life by the ba*ls,

and I say f*ck the bank.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah, sure. f*ck the bank.

-f*ck the bank.

-(SIGHS)

Anyway, it's not a bank heist.

So you say, brother.

-So you say.

-(BEEPING)

(ALARM BEEPS)

(ALARM STOPS)

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

(ALARM RINGS)

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

Okay.

All right, Percy. Let's do this.

sh*t!

(SNIFFS)

I first drew this guy when I was nine.

My teacher, Mr. Whitaker,

told me it was pretty good.

It's the first compliment

I remember getting.

I kept drawing him

over and over and over again.

That's all I ever did for years.

I even failed Mr. Whitaker's stupid class

because of him.

(LAUGHS)

Drawing him made me feel better.

I felt it mattered.

Drawing him would make me matter.

But everybody thinks they matter,

or they will one day, but we don't.

Nobody matters. Nobody cares.

No one is a hero.

This is us. This is me.

We're not important.

We are...

rubber clowns bouncing

on the surface of reality.

No, that's... that's terrible.

What a sh*t metaphor.

I should have practiced. (LAUGHS)

(SIGHS)

Wow.

Percy! No!

(YELLING)

CASPER: Hi, Betty. You did ask me

to let you know when it was time.

It's today, I'm afraid.

I should have told you yesterday,

but I just couldn't do it.

It was great meeting you, Betty.

Time to say your final goodbyes.

Please destroy every trace

of this card immediately.

The future depends on it.

f*ck!

(FAST PUNK MUSIC PLAYS)

(PHONE BUZZES)

f*ck.

Right, that was a bit messy.

But I still think we can make this work.

-I was just trying...

-I know.

I know what you were trying to do.

But, look, Percy, I'm here to help you.

-Okay? I'm from the future.

-I know you. You're that guy from...

From the diner, yes. I'm a regular.

Okay?

So we're practically friends already.

Look, if you wanna sh**t me,

just do it.

No, I'm not gonna sh**t you!

You don't even sh**t you.

Which is why I'm surprised

to see this ancient g*n.

-No, you end up jumping over the edge.

-What? No!

You do. But don't worry

about that right now.

I wanna show you something.

Take a look at this.

-What?

-That's yours, right?

Scared little cape guy?

Percy, I'm a fan.

I was one of the guys

who figured out who you were.

Pretty rad, right?

So here's what happens.

After you leap over the edge,

people do find your little doodles.

And, Percy, they catch on.

Hard to believe, I know, but it's true!

We found podcasts, imprints, images.

Quotes all over the place.

Even graffiti. Your work becomes

part of a larger nostalgia thing.

It helps people process the weird world

and all the changes that are happening.

Percy, you inspire people.

That's a pretty good thing, right?

Wow! I'm gonna grab a seat.

Look. Just... I'm sorry, okay?

I know I'm being more blunt

than I normally would with people.

And you're handling this really well.

So, well done.

It's probably the g*n, right?

This is a bit of a bummer.

I'm gonna put it on the ground, okay?

There we go.

g*n's gone. Eyes on me, okay?

Here I am. That's it.

Percy, I considered not coming.

I couldn't resist.

Imagine if you got to meet, I don't know,

what is it, the Garfield guy?

-I hate Garfield.

-You don't like the Garfield guy? Oh.

Okay, well, how many people get to end

things on their own terms as a nobody

and then become immortalized?

Not many.

Most people of, you know,

historical significance

are not accessible before they pass.

So you are a unique case.

So here's what we'll do.

We'll chat. A bit of back and forth.

At the moment, it's mainly forth.

But I'll get a bit of back from you,

and that'll be great.

And we could fill out your backstory

for future generations.

And then you can do your thing

over the edge,

content with the idea

that you've made an impact,

in more ways than one

if you know what I mean.

Sorry, I didn't mean to say that.

But you've made an impact on the world.

And gained some new truths

about our very existence.

I mean, people who I've spoken to so far

seem to quite like the idea of that.

How does that sound?

-What if I don't?

-Don't what?

All right! No, no, no, no! No, no.

Calm down. Okay?

Everything's gonna be fine.

What if I just leave? What would happen

to your little prediction then?

-You... you can't leave.

-Why?

Because you've gotta do your thing,

Percy! We all have to do our thing!

Yours is over the edge there.

Look, I'm beginning to realize

I shouldn't have come here.

Okay? This was a whole mistake.

I'm just gonna go.

Okay? I'm gonna leave you to it.

All right?

So you're on your own. But you're

definitely gonna do your thing, yeah?

-Once I'm out of your hair?

-No!

Well, then, we're back to square one!

-(PHONE BUZZES)

-Wait.

What the hell's that about?

Oh! No! Percy!

(GRUNTING)

-Stop it!

-Ah, please. Plea... Sorr... Sorry.

-That was foolish, wasn't it?

-Sorry. Please.

Look, I've made sacrifices, okay?

I've been careful.

Kind of.

But you're not gonna

screw this up for me.

-This is supposed to happen.

-No.

-Well, then, I'm sorry.

-MAN: Do it! sh**t him!

Oh, God! I can't do it.

(SIGHS)

sh*t.

Do you know

about the Spanish aristocracy

who were sent down

to South America in the 1800s?

WOMAN: I think so.

Spanish royalty sent them down

to be the face of the empire,

to uphold the laws,

and bring order, you know.

Back then... going back and forth

wasn't in the cards.

They went, and they stayed.

They had everything

they could want, of course.

They had all the money in the world.

Land, and servants, and...

But they could never go home.

Would only ever occasionally

even interact

with somebody who spoke

their own language or had the same...

cultural background,

let's say, that they did.

The position was a great honor,

but it was also a real burden.

Sounds lonely.

Yes, it is.

-(PHONE BUZZES)

-Oh...

What the f*ck is that?

If your boss knows the winning ticket,

why don't you just buy the winning ticket?

Technically, one of these tickets

bought at that location on this day

is a winner, so gotta buy 'em all.

(PHONE BUZZES)

-And he's not my boss.

-Whatever you say.

-What is that supposed to mean?

-(CHUCKLES)

I just think it's sketchy, man.

Like, you're all in

with some f*ck' white dude

who has you at his beck and call,

taking risks for him and sh*t?

Do you even know what his real game is?

Have you actually thought

about what you're participating in?

Sorry. Just sayin'.

Do you know what I've been doing

these past few months?

I built a system, Alana.

I've got bookies working off each other.

I've got two credit cards

making automated offshore bets for me.

I've built a network of lesbians

and made a schedule

tailored to specific times and places

to buy scratch tickets, okay?

I've never built something before.

I'm good at it, and I'm getting paid.

I'm happy for you.

Totally worth giving up

everything you believe in.

Jesus. Sorry we can't all sell

rich women their placentas back to them.

That is not all a doula does, Holly.

Whatever! It's all bullshit.

It's performance.

It's like all the f*cking marches,

the protests,

all the interminable "community meetings."

All it did was give us something

to say we did. It's just ego sh*t.

And I'm tired of it, okay?

I don't... I don't need it anymore.

Well, congratulations.

(PHONE BUZZES)

-f*cking what?

-CASPER: Holly! I need you!

-Where have you been?

-Where have I been?

-Let me tell you where I've been.

-Oh, doesn't matter.

Look, I need you here.

This is important.

Mushy blob of reality, remember?

23 Woods Ave. now if you could, please.

Okay. I'll be there soon.

Hey, look. You won.

(EXHALES)

There you are, you little f*ck.

-Yep. Up here. Thanks for coming.

-What's going on? What happened?

Okay. So essentially what's happened

is something hasn't happened to someone.

So I need your help

to help it happen, essentially.

You're a very disappointing time traveler.

-Hmm.

-Can I have some specifics?

-Whose place is this?

-Okay, just keep an open mind.

-(DOOR CLOSES)

-CASPER: Percy, I'm back!

-Yo, what the f*ck?

-Yeah, all right.

Oh, there you are. Brought a friend.

-Remember this guy?

-Oh, um... Hey, man.

Do you know this man?

He tried to k*ll me.

-What?

-No. Come on now, Percy.

You know that's not true.

You tried to k*ll you.

-I saved the guy. I'm a hero.

-Holy sh*t. Is that a f*cking g*n?

Yes. But don't panic, okay?

I'm just gonna slowly take it out,

all right? Everybody be cool.

I'm gonna put it on the table.

There we go. Okay?

There it is. On the table.

We just need to figure this all out.

Figure what out?

Did you kidnap this guy?

No. No. Don't nod, Percy. You know I...

Look, you can't kidnap someone

in their own place.

-Yes, you can!

-No, you can't! I don't think.

I'd have to check on that.

That's a rule somewhere.

But regardless of that,

we do have to get rid of him.

-No!

-sh*t!

-No!

-Percy, you... I told you!

-He knows.

-(WHIMPERS)

-(SIGHS)

-f*ck you, man! Not cool.

You just made me an accessory,

or whatever.

Do you know what happens

when they find someone who looks like me

breaking into some meek-a*s

white dude's home?

I've probably left f*cking CSI prints

and sh*t everywhere.

They're gonna f*ck' track me down

with one of those purple-light c*m-g*ns!

-What are you thinking?

-I don't know!

-Thinking's not my forte.

-Yeah.

Okay? Which is why I need your help.

He is not supposed to be here, okay?

Look, if I don't fix this,

it's the end of the road for both of us.

-Maybe for everyone.

-So, what, you wanna k*ll him?

No. I just need you to convince him

that he has to die.

(SIGHS WITH EXASPERATION)

Mmm-mmm. Mmm-mmm. Nope.

Look, I know it's weird, okay?

I'm just trying to do the right thing.

No, no, you're not.

You're getting me to stick my neck out

to fix your mistake.

I went to see that Betty woman today.

-She was dead, man.

-Wait. What time did you get there?

Before noon like I stipulated?

-I mean, maybe I was a bit late.

-Oh.

See, that's why

when someone from the future

tells you something important,

it's important.

Okay! Maybe this is a sign.

-A what?

-A sign.

An opportunity, you know? I mean, like,

the world's f*cked up, right?

Look at this place. Look at this guy.

Maybe we can help him.

This is a chance to start making, um,

a positive impact... or something.

So the exact opposite thing to what

I told you was vitally important.

No! You already know things work out.

Okay, but maybe it works out

because you told me about this stuff.

Maybe I'm the solution.

It's like, um, a... a loop or some sh*t.

No, it's not. And, no, you're not.

I'm 100% certain.

There could be a loop.

It's not a loop, okay? It's not a thing.

Do you remember why I work with you?

Why I trust you with stuff?

It's because

you're not significant, okay?

Nothing you do

will ever have a consequence.

But that's a good thing for me.

This is really important.

(SIGHS)

-I'll help you, okay?

-Yes.

So this is really f*cked up.

And we're not k*lling anyone, okay?

Okay, no.

As long as he dies.

Well, I'm open to other ideas.

HOLLY: Can we just, like,

buy him a bus ticket up north,

and tell him to stay quiet or something?

CASPER: No chance.

That is way too risky.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Well, I'm gonna need some suggestions

from you outside of straight-up m*rder.

I know, I know! Just wait.

Okay, we gotta go. Yeah. Might be

an idea to get out of here anyway.

So we'll grab Percy.

We'll go back to my bunker.

-We'll figure it out there.

-Oh, f*ck.

(RINGING CONTINUES)

(BANGING ON DOOR)

CASPER: Percy! I think

you blocked the door by accident.

-Hello.

-Wait.

Does he have a f*cking landline

in there?

What's a landline? A phone? Percy!

We know you've got a landline in there.

Get off it. We've gotta go!

-DORIS: Percy Sullivan?

-Yeah.

Oh, there you are. Mr. Sullivan,

I'm so glad you're not dead.

-You are?

-I truly am.

Oh, Jesus. He's obviously calling

the cops. We need to go.

CASPER: Who are you talking to in there?

It's not the cops, is it?

-Do you want to be a hero, Mr. Sullivan?

-CASPER: Percy, please!

Come on. We can figure this out!

Sorry about that, mate.

-So, are we going somewhere?

-Yes.

CASPER: Just here, thanks. Perfect.

Okay. All right, let's go.

-Is that your car?

-No. Come on.

HOLLY: Is that not a bit weird?

It'll just be someone

who stopped for a pee in the woods.

Don't worry about it. Come on!

This is not assuaging my fear

that you're gonna m*rder me.

-It's cool, Percy. I promise.

-We're almost there. You'll see.

We'll figure this out.

Chuck!

Well, well, well, look who's here.

-What have you done?

-Me?

You've been harboring this sex-sl*ve

gimp suit on my daddy's land.

You brought the CIA

onto my f*cking door!

What are you talking about, you idiot?

I thought we were friends.

Percy, now!

-Oh, f*ck!

-No! I'll f*cking k*ll you, Percy!

-Stasis or Static?

-What? You're from home?

-(GASPS)

-Hello!

-Stasis or Static?

-I don't know the code.

I know that it is a code.

I don't know what it is!

Please. Look, everything's okay, okay?

I promise!

(GRUNTING)

-Why are you here?

-Stop it!

-You've had months. What have you done?

-Nothing.

Please stop hitting me.

-How are you planning to stop it?

-Stop what? I don't know what you mean!

I don't know what you mean.

No!

What the f*ck is that?

Hello!

-What the...

-No, don't.

I know you have a plan.

You've spoken of a plan.

-(SHOUTS) So, what is the plan?

-I was just bored!

-Wha... what?

-Yeah, bored.

I didn't have anything going on

back home. I was lonely.

I just thought it would be cool,

come to the 21st century, you know?

I mean, it's not as cool as the 20th,

yeah, but it's still, you know, it's...

Look, I found a portal accidentally.

And instead of reporting it, I did

some prep, and I went through, okay?

I had no one back home

to say goodbye to, so I just went.

And I'm here, and I've done nothing.

I've changed nothing!

No, no, no, no. But you live here

in a b*mb shelter like a t*rror1st.

Yeah, because it's off the grid, okay?

I'm out of harm's way here.

I mean, no one's gonna step foot

on this guy's property for years,

until some clerk discovers a buildup

of unpaid taxes and his corpse

in a couple of decades.

-Wait. What?

-(SIGHS)

Look, I've not spoken

to anyone meaningfully

that wasn't already on their way out,

apart from Holly, okay?

But she knows nothing

and doesn't matter.

The holes and the radiation,

you told everybody about a plan.

Yeah, because when you say

you've got a plan, people listen to you.

So I guess my plan was... have fun.

And along the way,

preserve some forgotten art and history.

-You know, collectibles.

-Really? Honestly?

That was your plan?

To leave your whole life behind

and come here

and just, like, d*ck around

and collect sh*t?

What kind of psychopath does that?

Me.

Ooh. I... I can't believe this.

Look, back home, my life had no purpose.

I was so bored.

(SIGHS)

Look, everything was fine

until Percy screwed it up, okay?

It wasn't supposed to go that way,

and I tried to fix it. I really did.

But I couldn't.

I couldn't bring myself to...

Look, I know it's a mess now,

but Holly hasn't done anything.

Um... What are...

It's some meditation stuff

from the future.

It's New Age. It's weird.

You basically...

You put yourself into a trance.

DORIS: Be quiet!

Be quiet.

Well, can I just say this?

The fact that you're here

means you pretty much made

the same decision as I did.

-So are we that different?

-I have a job, you little sh*t!

I'm supposed to be here.

I'm the Sentinel

for this entire district.

I'm supposed to stop people like you.

Well, no, that's not right

because you're not a t*rror1st.

You're... worse.

I'm not supposed to stop people like you

because we honestly didn't think

that people like you

were stupid enough to exist.

Look, I know it's a mess.

But we can fix this.

-Huh!

-Yeah, we can.

I mean, Chuck's heard a few things,

but look at the guy.

He's... he's got no friends.

(SIGHS WEARILY)

-Hey, f*ck you, brother!

-I'm just saying, you know?

-What, this man? This man here?

-Hello!

(YELLING)

Oh, Jesus.

-So, you're not a t*rror1st.

-CASPER: No! Why are you k*lling people?

I mean, that's gotta be way worse

than anything I've done.

Why? All these people

are gonna die anyway.

What's that?

The Convergence

resets so much of the world

that literally anything

that happens before it

which doesn't directly impact those

events is... is completely irrelevant.

Yeah, but that's not, like,

for a long time, right?

Pathetic.

-Uh, what is the Convergence?

-Why live your life in squalor?

Why? (LAUGHS)

And adhere to all these little rules

and behaviors

that change absolutely nothing

except make you less comfortable?

-I like this place.

-DORIS: Oh, that's almost adorable.

Do you know, our leaders

use the portals all the time?

Proper ones. Not that pathetic

little anomaly that you stumbled in on.

A good chunk of our leadership

retires to Pre-Convergence days

and lives out their lives in luxury.

In fact, the hegemon who hired me

is living in a Spanish castle right now

and hunts people for sport.

b*tch! What is the Convergence?

Oh!

Hmm. Okay.

In 53 years,

within an eight-month period,

the planet experiences

simultaneous megathrust earthquakes

and a solar storm

that wipes out huge swaths

of digital information and satellites.

The population loss, along with a lack

of proper communication networks

and an already tenuous public trust

in institutional authority,

leads to a period of global upheaval

and the fall of most major governments.

Billions die.

But in the end,

once the failures, parasites,

and whiners are washed away,

the people who matter come back

from up there and down there

and find a way for the rest of us

to live in paradise as nature intended.

(SIGHS)

-You f*cking knew about this?

-I mean...

Yeah.

I mean, I don't know. It just...

It happened so long ago, okay?

You'll probably never see it.

I just had to keep things

the way they're supposed to...

-Oh, my God. f*ck the both of you.

-Holly, please. We're working it out.

So, what now? Are you gonna k*ll us?

-Well...

-I mean, there's better options.

DORIS: If you really have no intention

of stopping it,

then all of this has been for nothing,

which is very irritating.

But there's no reason you have to die.

I've been, uh...

a little lonely lately.

(LAUGHS)

My therapist is real sh*t,

and I could use somebody to talk to

who actually remembers home.

You know, if you had been a t*rror1st,

I'd have k*lled you already.

But an idiot, a loser?

-I can work with that.

-Well, I mean...

I know we're in a bit

of a rough patch right now.

But I'm sure we can be friends.

-Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that.

-Hmm.

I mean, there's definitely... There's

definitely a connection, isn't there?

Well... we've got...

-Ooh.

-Hmm.

But I tell you who's ruining the vibe.

Holly.

-Maybe we should let her go.

-What? Oh, no. Not now.

-Oh, sh*t.

-CASPER: No.

-You see?

-Hello!

If she disappears right here and now,

it doesn't matter.

But now that she knows,

we can't let her live.

-Either of them really, just to be safe.

-Oh, God.

Realistically speaking,

there are only about 120 people

who could really make any difference

to things, but I like to be thorough.

(CLEARS THROAT) Excuse me.

(LAUGHS GLEEFULLY)

-I forgot you still had that!

-f*cking sh**t her, Percy!

-Go!

-Just let me go.

-I don't care about them.

-What?

-(DORIS CHUCKLES)

-Oh, f*ck!

Isn't it so unhygienic how everything's

still made of metal here?

It's so primitive.

I can almost feel it

corroding in my hands.

Yeah, it's an old g*n.

All the same, it is still

strangely satisfying to hold.

(GRUNTS)

(BANGING)

-Quiet.

-(BANGING)

MAN: Hello? I can hear you in there.

-There's no use in pretending.

-Are you alone?

I am completely alone. Stasis or Static?

-The moment is mine.

-Oh, good.

I'm coming down now.

(SCREAMS)

HOLLY: What the hell?

-What?

-HOLLY: What the f*ck?

-Oh, hey, guys! Long time, no see.

-Is that me?

Oh, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t!

I felt that.

Oh, sh*t! Stop it!

(OLD CASPER AND DORIS GRUNTING)

-Holly?

-I've got the thing. I've got the thing.

-What do I do?

-Go! Just get out of here.

No!

(DORIS LAUGHS)

-(OLD CASPER GRUNTS)

-Oh! (LAUGHS)

That is adorable. (LAUGHS)

Oh.

You gotta mean it, dear. (LAUGHS)

(SHRIEKS)

sh*t.

Hello!

-No.

-f*ck you, cop.

(SCREAMS)

(GRUNTS)

sh*t.

-You did it!

-Oh, sh*t. That's nasty.

-CASPER: Oh, my God. That was amazing!

-Oh, f*ck.

(HOLLY PANTING)

You okay, Holly?

Holly? You okay, buddy?

-(PERCY WAILS)

-Oh, there he goes.

See you, Percy!

Doesn't really matter now, right?

It's probably for the best.

So are you gonna untie me or...

Were you seriously not gonna tell anyone

about this apocalypse sh*t?

Look, Holly, it's not my place, okay?

-I can't...

-Oh, Jesus!

-We good?

-Yeah! We're good.

-Um, thanks for the save.

-Yeah, no probs.

I was a bit worried that you and I

might explode when we saw each other.

I'm glad that didn't happen.

Where's Percy?

-Oh, he took off.

-Oh, damn it! sh*t, sh*t, sh*t!

Holly, you gotta go get him.

f*ck that guy. Let him get lost

in the f*cking woods.

Holly, no, it's the Convergence.

It's because of him! It's because of us!

-It's the time loop thing!

-See? I told you it was a f*cking loop!

OLD CASPER: Yeah, you were right!

That's why I'm here. I need your help!

-I need you to k*ll him.

-Wait. What? No, I can't.

He causes the death

of billions of people!

Come on! He held a g*n to your head.

-Wake up! This is it!

-Holly, I don't know about that.

Shh! Come on. It has to be you.

I've tried and failed twice.

This is the most important thing

you could ever do.

(SIGHS)

We're not done here.

I'm still pissed at at least one of you.

Holly, don't! You don't have to do this.

OLD CASPER: Go, Holly.

-You're not gonna hurt him, right?

-No. It's in my best interest.

Without him, there's no me.

Good luck!

Oh, wait!

(SIGHS)

Whoo! (LAUGHS)

Wow! I can't believe I pulled that off.

(SIGHS) Look at this old place.

Takes me back to when I was here.

What a trip!

Um, look, obviously

you've been planning this for a while,

but you're freaking me out right now.

What's going on?

You're right. It has been a long time.

But not me. We.

(GROANS)

(LAUGHS)

OLD CASPER: The first go around

didn't end too well.

-No!

-Hello!

Oh! (LAUGHS EVILLY)

After Doris k*lled Holly,

Percy-boy actually grew some backbone.

He took her down.

She underestimated the guy.

So did we, to be fair.

But then he didn't let me go.

He heard enough about the Convergence

that he decided to stop it.

He kept me, or us, here for years, man.

Fashioned himself

as some kind of revolutionary hero.

He had our notes. And he had access

to all of Doris's stuff.

He made me tell him

whatever I remembered

about what was coming

until it stopped coming true.

PERCY ON TV:

That's exactly the kind of question

that brings our society to a halt,

the kind of question...

OLD CASPER: He changes it.

I mean, he talks to enough people,

stirs enough sh*t.

He changes everything.

Now who knows what's gonna happen?

It took me way too long

to get myself together enough to escape.

It was too late to stop him,

but I could still go back.

I still remembered the coordinates

of the first portal that ever showed.

Not easy to get to. Then I spent

about a month waiting for it.

It was a bad time.

-But then...

-(WHOOSHING)

(GASPS, LAUGHS)

Landed a full two years

before we got here the first time.

Not the most convenient,

but pretty good.

Plenty of time to make sure

we don't interrupt Percy-boy

and that he does

what he has to do the first time.

Incredible.

OLD CASPER: But here's the thing.

Even with a plan,

it's a long time to just wait around.

With everything I knew,

it was easy to get set up.

So to k*ll time, I really leaned

into the whole hedonism thing.

I have to say,

it was a great couple of years.

Whoo!

Might have overdone it a bit,

to be honest.

(CLUB MUSIC PLAYING)

What day is it? Sunday?

Nah, bruh. This sh*t is Monday.

Oh, f*ck! Okay, no! Just go!

I admit it, I messed up, okay?

My brain was fried.

I even got the wrong roof,

can you believe it?

Oh, sh*t!

Oh!

Oh, there he is.

Do it! sh**t him!

CASPER: Oh, God! I can't do it.

God! What is wrong with me?

Are you kidding me?

We mess up our second chance?

How did we f*ck up so badly?

(SIGHS) I know, I know, okay?

Believe me, I know.

And then I figured

our next inflection point

isn't till we're all down here together.

Problem is, originally,

that's not for another three years.

Wait. What?

You see, the first time I come through,

after Percy refuses to die,

Holly manages to convince me

that he should live down here

in the bunker,

which I reluctantly accept.

But then eventually, Doris still finds us.

You see, she tracks us

because of those radiation holes.

There she is, yeah.

That little gift for the future?

Well, that really backfires.

Wait. But then...

Look, I couldn't wait

another three years. I just couldn't.

I mean, what if I screwed up again?

I couldn't handle it.

I learned an awful lot about Doris

while Percy held me hostage.

Her phone number, for one.

-What the f*ck is that?

-OLD CASPER: And it worked!

Once I got you all here, everything

played out exactly like it did before.

Stasis or Static?

So the timeline just kind of congeals

over the changes and keeps on rockin'.

-Mushy blob of reality.

-Fascinating.

But why couldn't you

have saved me earlier, hmm?

Look at my face.

She spent half an hour bashing my face.

Calm down, mate.

I'm no oil painting, all right?

I was psyching myself up, okay?

This was a big moment for me.

And why did you let Holly...

Where are you going?

Can you at least untie me?

I'd love to,

but I've gotta give Holly more time.

I'm hoping she kills the guy. k*lling

two birds with one stone if you like.

-What do you mean?

-Well, I've tipped off the cops. Yeah.

So Doris was right.

Holly is a loose end.

And basically she doesn't really matter.

-Doesn't matter?

-I mean, in the grand scheme of things.

Don't get me wrong.

I mean, I do like her.

But the most important thing

is that we are not arrested.

And, of course, that Percy dies.

I'm sure you appreciate that by now.

So, basically, Holly takes him out,

and then the cops arrive,

and they arrest Holly.

-That's the plan.

-Sounds horrible.

(SCOFFS) You should try being me

and living through the fact that she died.

I had to witness it, okay?

That's horrible.

One of several memories

I don't want in my head anymore.

At least this way,

she goes to jail and doesn't die.

That's a step up.

So, Percy's out of the picture.

He can't ruin the future anymore.

Holly's in the slammer.

Bit of a bummer, but no loss to history.

And then there's us.

Now, as you know,

we can't seem to pull the trigger.

Too weak. But I think Holly can do it.

I believe in her.

But if she does screw up,

we're gonna have to have another go.

Oh, and one more thing. (SIGHS)

There can't be two of us.

It's too weird.

And we've spoken to each other

for too long now.

I mean, it doesn't make any sense.

So one of us has to go.

I had a quick vote in my head,

and I voted myself.

-What?

-I hope this is not gonna hurt you.

I know mentally, it might.

But it's for the best.

Try not to think about it.

I probably shouldn't have done it

in front of you.

-But it's too late now.

-Oh, no, no.

I'm sorry. Good luck.

Be a better person. Good night!

No! (SCREAMS)

Jesus! f*ck!

Right in front of me!

You... f*ck! I'm an idiot.

Oh, that's me f*cked for life.

That's counseling.

(GRUNTING)

Oh, Jesus.

Holly! Holly, wait up!

It's all good.

We're gonna stop this thing, okay?

Holly? Holly!

-No, stop! Please go away!

-HOLLY: No, no, no! No, no.

It's okay. It's okay.

We're gonna work this all out, okay?

Hey, man. Sorry for the delay.

But, um, we've actually been talking.

-Holly, he's gotta go.

-Oh, God!

No, no, it's cool, man, really.

We've talked about it.

And he's not gonna do

that Convergence thing.

We're gonna make sure it doesn't happen.

Holly, that's the whole thing!

Okay? He stops it!

He screws the whole future up.

It has to happen.

No, I won't stop anything. I swear.

God damn it, Percy!

Yes, you will! You have to!

-What the hell is wrong with you?

-What's wrong with you?

Why are you trying to change things

when you know it works out?

Who does it work out okay for exactly,

huh? Maybe we can do something.

Maybe there's a way

without k*lling billions of people.

I don't make them die.

It's not my fault.

It's not my responsibility.

Jesus. You're like a parody

of a white guy.

Look, I've just been through something

really, really existentially dark.

And quite frankly,

I could do with some leeway here.

f*cking own your sh*t for once!

Okay, it's owned. I'm sorry.

Nothing works out

unless you do something, okay?

That's the basic principle

of f*cking life.

-Stop!

-Hello!

Don't.

Please don't.

-It's for the best.

-Stop!

(CASPER YELLS)

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh.

(SCREAMS) Oh, my God. Casper!

I'm not gonna do anything, okay?

I won't do anything!

No, wait! Oh, f*ck.

Okay, well, that's not really ideal

for either of us.

-Just shut up! Okay?

-What are you doing?

I don't know what I'm f*cking doing.

Applying pressure.

-That's too much pressure!

-Okay! sh*t.

-Don't worry. It doesn't matter.

-Yes, it f*cking matters!

This isn't too bad.

Maybe this is the now.

-It feels like the now.

-Stop talking, okay?

We've gotta go. Let's go.

-(GROANS)

-No, no. No, um...

Come on, get up. Get up, get up.

-(YELLS)

-(SIRENS WAIL)

-I can't move my leg.

-f*cking heavy.

(YELLS, GROANS)

-I know.

-Okay.

-Let's go. Oh, sh... f*ck!

-I can't walk!

f*ck. Oh, shut up for a second, okay?

(CASPER GROANS)

-I'm from the future.

-I know, I know. Okay. Just...

(APPLAUSE)

WOMAN: But despite that skepticism

from the publishing industry,

Mr. Sullivan's book

has already gained much notoriety

for the surprising accuracy

of his predictions. (LAUGHS)

Some online are even calling him

potentially the most important

political cartoonist in history.

So I am very proud to present

Mr. Percy Sullivan!

(APPLAUSE)

Hey, Percy.

I like the scarf.

Here. This is everything I found

in her condo. Take it.

All I ask is that I never see you or him

ever again.

-Thanks, Percy.

-I'm doing my part, you know.

Telling them the truth.

Helping them... with my art.

Uh-huh.

You wanna save the world?

Knock yourself out.

-CROWD: Ten, nine, eight...

-Here it comes!

-...seven, six...

-Five! No?

-Five, four, three, two, one!

-...five, four, three, two, one!

Happy New Year!

(HONKS)

Whoo-hoo!

Everything's still fine.

I knew it would be.

-Hey.

-There you are!

-Hey! Did I miss it?

-You missed it. So close!

(GROANS)

Spoiler alert.

Very similar to last year.

Just basically counting down from 10.

-And then they say, "Happy New Year."

-Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-How's Percy?

-He's okay.

-He even threw us a copy of his book.

-Oh, wow.

-Yeah.

-Any good?

Honestly, it f*ck' sucks, bro.

-Does it?

-Yeah.

But it does literally predict the future.

-So it's got that going for it.

-Well, you can do that yourself now.

Think you got everything you need?

To stop it?

I don't know.

She said there's...

there's maybe 120 people

who could actually change things, right?

Mmm-hmm.

-I know where they live.

-Well, look at you!

I feel like I've turned your life around.

Bro, we literally met

while you were eating my garbage.

That's true. I forgot that. Oh, God.

Mmm... So, how will we know

if we stopped it? What will happen?

It will most likely be

some sort of paradox

that'll swallow reality whole.

-Or maybe nothing?

-Yes.

Maybe nothing will happen.

Yeah. I like the idea of nothing.

-So... are you sure about this?

-Yeah. I was born to be, mate.

Oh, God. Yeah, it has to be this way.

I'll be back from time to time.

(AULD LANG SYNE PLAYING ON TV)

I'll be fine. There's a plan.

I'm from the future, you know.

CASPER: I don't know if you'll have

heard of Holly or what she's done,

but I hope so.

It's probably pointless, but she's right,

it's worth trying for something better.

I know the future is already written,

but maybe it shouldn't be.

After all, we rewrite history

all the time. Why not the future?

(PHONE BUZZES)

Holly! Everyone's here.

The checkpoints are locked.

The trucks are loaded up.

Everything is in position.

-What's our next move?

-Let's save the f*cking world.

(HEAVY ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)

CASPER: But if you've got any questions

or concerns, I'm happy to oblige.

(BANGING ON DOOR)

If you're reading this,

you'll know where to find me.

-(MUSIC STOPS)

-(BANGING CONTINUES)

-I'll be right here.

-(BANGING CONTINUES)

-Hello?

-MAN: Hi! Yeah, hi. Hi.

Uh, Stasis or Static?

Stasis or Static?

-The moment is mine.

-Okay. Perfect. Great. Oh, my God.

We followed your signal, and we

desperately, desperately need to talk.

Okay, hang on a sec, buddy.

Thank you. Thank you.

Oh, my God. Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Hello!

(FAST PUNK MUSIC PLAYS)