04x01 - The Unsterile Cuckoo

[bunniefuu]

Last season on "L.A. Law"...

Hi. How are you?

Hi, Abby. How are you?

I'm fine. Guess what.

I'm gonna come back to work at McKenzie Brackman.

You are?

We'll each other every day just like we used to.

That's great.

Abby?

I have a new friend.

She's a girl.


-Really?
-He name's Alice.

Here's a picture of her.

She seems very pretty.

So here we are, platonic friends.

Seems perfectly natural.

[chuckles]

The Kuzak sarcasm.

Oh, I miss it.

I miss you, Michael.

I miss you, too, Grace.

Benny.

Come on in, Alice, it's getting late.

Arnie, can I talk to you for a minute?

Well, sure, Beno, come on in.

What's up?

My friend Alice.

She's going to the hospital for an operation.

What sort of operation?

One that makes it so she won't have a baby.

An abortion?

Benny, is Alice gonna have an abortion?

[stammering] I don't know.

Benny...

Are you and Alice having sex?

Look, if you're gonna get me involved here,

you're gonna have to tell me what's going on.

Are you and Alice having sexual intercourse?

Yeah.

So what you're trying to tell me

is that...

Alice is pregnant?

♪ [theme]

♪

Before we go any further,

an announcement to all.

In preparation for Friday's softball game against Shertaft and Heilbrenner?

I booked Roxbury Park at : Wednesday, for a practice.

Wait a second, we're missing two working days for this game?

It's just an hour on Wednesday for the practice.

The game isn't until : Friday.

So we can all easily bill a half
-day.

How much is the bet this year?

Oh, there's no bet. Wagering would be inappropriate.


-This game is simply for fun.
-Right.

The rules are the same. It's coed,

with only one male non
-lawyer allowed to play per team.

Regrettably, Abby has tendered an invitation to Benny,

who can neither hit nor field.


-MICHAEL: Oh, come on.
-Abby.

He wants to play. Make him catcher.


-Catcher?
-STUART: Then there's Roxanne.


-What's the matter with Roxanne?
-STUART: Her diet, that's what.

This sudden weight loss has gotta affect her ability to hit the long ball.

LELAND: All right, that's enough on the game.

Move along, Douglas.

Shelby v. Carpell.

Pre
-trial is filed. We start in three weeks.

Ann, you're doing it?

Yes, I am. Is there a problem?

It's just that by then,

you'll be almost seven and a half months pregnant...

and too fat to approach the bench.

I'll manage, Douglas, but thank you for your sensitive concern.

Michael, where are we onPeople v. Williams?

We go next week, that is if we can settle the documents beef.

We're getting a lot of phone calls from the press on this.

Well, m*rder cases spark a lot of interest.


-What can I say?
-Moving along,

Randall Thurius v. Save the Animal foundation.

I'm back in court this afternoon.

We've taken a lot of heat on this one.

I think we deserve the heat.

Sometimes that kind of protest is exactly
-
-

[all clamoring]

All right. Let's not start this again.


-ABBY: We never finished it.
-Abby!

k*lling animals to make fur coats is barbaric.

And I'd still like to know why we take on clients like this.

We took on this client years ago

when you were still in junior high school.

I'm sorry you weren't consulted.

There's certainly nothing illegal about making furs, Abby.


-Legal doesn't make it moral, Douglas.
-That's your opinion.

Oh, what, we have a morality clause for clients now?

All right, let's end this debate now.

We're in this case, like it or not,

so we have to see it through.

Move on, Douglas.

That's it. We're adjourned

It's a healthy release, you know that, Leland?

I mean, two law firms battling it out on a softball field.


-It's wonderful.
-Sure, sure. What's the bet, Sam?

Well, since we've taken you for

each of the last two years,

figure you double it, give you a chance to pull even.

Five thousand dollars?

Well, that's an awfully big bet on a softball game, Sam.

Always a smooth talking fundraiser, Leland,

except when it's time to put up your own nickel.


-You'll excuse me for a second.
-Mm
-hmm.


-Can we win this game?
-Definitely.

That's a piece, Douglas,

right out of our pockets.

We lost by one run last year

without Victor and Abby.

This is the strongest team we've ever had.


-Are you sure?
-Make the bet.

We're gonna crush them.

You're on, Sam, ,.

Bring a bank check, if you don't mind.

See you next Friday.

[sighs]

[engine revving]

Oh, my God.

Oh, my
-
- Oh, my...

What are you doing on that thing?

Well, it saves gas, I can skirt through traffic,

and it's fun.

I've just never seen you with anything so lethal between your legs.

[chuckles] Well, I have never been

on top of anything quite so responsive, that's for sure.

[both laugh]

Touché, Kuzak.

How you doing anyway, huh?


-I'm fine.
-Good.

What brings you to my building?

Well, I was in your building on a discovery matter.


-Oh, your big m*rder case, huh?
-Mm
-hmm.

As a matter of fact, maybe you could help me

get a little more cooperation from some of your colleagues.

Now, I never cut you any favors

when we were sleeping together.

What makes you think you're gonna get any now?

Well, helping people gives one a sense of power and superiority.

And as I recall, you like to feed off that.

Wear a helmet, counselor.

You can get hurt.

Give me a call sometime, huh?

I will.

[engine starts]

Could you describe the nature of these fashion shows

for the court, Mr. Randall?

Yes. It's how we display our furs

for designers, wholesalers.

They're supposed to be pleasant events,

but they haven't been working out that way.


-Why not.
-Because.

As our models come down the runway,

members of the defendant's group throw animal blood on them.


-VICTOR: On the models?
-Yes, the models, the coats.

It's happened over a dozen times in the last three years.

And lately, it's happening even more frequently.

VICTOR: Now, what consequences, if any,

have resulted from these incidents, sir?

Well, the main consequence is that my wholesale buyers are staying away.

My sales in the last year have dropped almost %.

And how does that translate into dollars?

It translates into about $. million.

Thank you, sir. Nothing further.

Your company traps and kills animals in Canada


-to make these furs, right?
-That's correct.

And these animals often suffer very painful deaths, do they not?

Objection! Whether or not the animals suffer has no relevance here.

The defendant's actions are on trial, not the plaintiff's.

Your Honor, I'm trying to establish what caused my clients to act.

They were voicing society's outrage
-
-

If society's outraged, then they can pass a law.

This trapping is completely legal.

It's legal because they make enough money off these slaughters to lobby congress.


-Objection!
-JUDGE: Both of you!

Congress is lobbied by both sides on this issue, Mr. Trischuta!

and if you don't like the way they've responded, take it up in Washington.

All right. Now, everybody be quiet.

Mr. Sifuentes, sit down.

Mr. Trischuta, I'll give you a little latitude.

And Mr. Randall, just answer the questions you're asked, please.

Thank you, Judge.

How many minks do you m*rder to make a stole?


-VICTOR: Objection!
-JUDGE: Sustained.

Your company kills animals for profit, isn't that right?

Yes. And cigarette companies k*ll humans. Why don't you chase them?

With cigarettes, at least people have a choice.

People have a choice with furs, too! Let them make it!


-What about the animals?
-You people are lunatics!

Yeah! And you're a m*rder*r!

MAN: You should be in jail!

JUDGE: All right! Everybody be quiet!

Or I'll clear this courtroom right now!

I'll seal this place!

I'll lock up the parties for contempt,

and the rest of you for disorderly conduct.

Now, if you think I'm kidding, just try me!

[traffic noise]

That tape is inflammatory, and it would be an abuse
-
-

It depicts the truth, Judge.

I'll stipulate that my client traps animals.

I will stipulate that animals suffer,

but there is no point in playing that footage
-
-


-You haven't even seen it!
-I don't need to see it!


-Nor does anybody else.
-JUDGE: All right!

Mr. Sifuentes, I'm gonna allow the videotape.

Your Honor, that is an abuse of discretion.

The jury's entitled to see the activities

that motivated the defendant's conduct.

Their motivation is totally irrelevant!

Your claim for punitive damages makes it relevant, doesn't it?

The tape is in. I'll see you at :.

That's all!

Boy, that was a cheap stunt, John.

Cheap crap.

Tell me you wouldn't use it if you were in my shoes.

I would not be in your shoes.

Your clients are fanatics.

So maybe they love animals too much.


-They're well
-meaning people, Victor.
-Yeah.

[crowd clamoring]


-What happened in there?
-Any chance of settlement, counselor?

There's been no settlement at this time.

And I don't have any further comment.

[crowd clamoring]

Murderers! You defend murderers!

Are you outta your mind?

[crowd clamoring]

How in the hell do you let these people in here like that?

[clamoring continues]

Get the hell outta here! Go home!

You better stay out of my face, man!

I'm really sorry.

It's a hell of a client group you got there, John.

Good well
-meaning folks.

Stuart?


-What are you doing?
-Nothing.

The softball uniforms came in. I was trying mine on.

Stuart, you're not thinking of playing in that game, are you?

The team needs me, Ann.

We have a Lamaze class on Friday,

don't you remember?

The class voted to do it in the afternoon,

so everybody could leave early for the weekend.

Yeah, I know, but since we're doing one tomorrow,

I thought I could skip Friday's.

I'm third base, Ann!

[sighs] I don't believe this.

I have spent the last seven months nurturing our child inside me,

and you're willing to risk everything to be third base.

And you skipped out of the class last week five minutes early

so you could get home to watch Thirtysomething.

That was an episode on childbirth.

That was responsible television.

Right. Every time you do something, it's justified.

Every time I do something, I'm being unreasonable, right?

You really think it's reasonable

to skip a Lamaze class

to run around in Spandex knickers?

It's only the biggest game of the year.

[sighs] Do whatever you want, Stuart.


-Ann.
-No, it's fine.


-Fine?
-Fine.

[door closes]

I've asked Ms. Perkins to join us.

She's very close to Benny.

Look, I don't give a damn. This is none of your business.

It's none of hers, either.

Well, I don't disagree with that,

but we've become almost de facto guardians of Benny,

and I thought, since this does involve him, it would be
-
-

How the hell does it involve him?

I assume it's Benny's child that's being aborted here?

Whoa. Whoa. I don't know what Benny's told you,

but my daughter is not pregnant,

and she's not going in for any abortion.

Then what's going on?

Alice is going in to be sterilized.

Sterilized? Why?

Because she and Benny are having sexual intercourse, that's why,

and she could never take care of a baby.

With all due respect, Mr. Hackett,

there is birth control.

Yes, there is.

I put her on the pill, and she kept forgetting to take it,

IUDs aren't safe,

and she can't get the hang of using a diaphragm.

Look, I'm sure that you have given this a lot of thought.

But to sterilize her,

that's the most radical thing you could ever do.

Believe me, Miss Perkins,

I've agonized over this more than you could ever know.

But she is growing up.

Now, like it or not, if I want her to be normalized,

I have to be willing to let her have a sex life.

The reality is she has the operative intelligence of an eight
-year
-old.

She's incapable of practicing birth control.

She's incapable of raising a child.

And abortion or an adoption would be devastating for her.

As radical as a sterilization may be,

it's still the most responsible thing I can do.

Okay, third base. Play's to first. Here we go.


-MAN: Stay loose!
-Here we go.

[overlapping cheers]


-Way to go!
-Yeah!


-Round the horn!
-Looking good!

Come on, Benny! Go, go!

DOUGLAS: Come on, pick it up.

Let's go, let's go.

Come on, Benny, be alert.

Catcher's gotta be alert. He's the backbone.

[cheering]

MAN: Kuzak! You dog!

[cheering continues]

You're late, both of you.

Hey, sorry, Coach.

Okay, turn two, turn two.

Looking sharp. Looking sharp.

That's the way. That's the way.

We're a team! We're a team!

Let's hear the chatter.

And between the years of and ,

you, in fact, trapped animals whose furs you sold to the plaintiff, correct?


-That's correct.
-And is tape we're about to see

a fair and accurate representation


-of the trapping process?
-It is.

Your Honor, I renew my objection

to the introduction of this evidence.

Yes, and I overrule you again. Play the tape.

[wind howling]

[crowd gasps]

[water sloshing]

[trap snaps]

[trap snaps]

[trap snaps]

[trap snaps]

Okay, Mr. Trischuta, that's
-
- We've seen enough. Turn it off.

Could you describe this thing for us, Mr. Calder?

It's a standard one and a half.

It's got the double jaws, which most trappers want nowadays.

Why do they want a double jaw?

Well, most trappers can't check the traps on a daily basis,

and, uh, if you give the animals enough time,

they'll chew off their legs to free themselves.

[sighs]


-They chew off their own limbs.
-Right.

They gnaw at their feet right below this jaw right here.

Now, the other jaw clamps on a part of the leg that they can't get at.

So even if you have a wolf or a fox or whatever,

and it chews it's foot off, trapper doesn't lose his catch.

TRISCHUTA: And how long does an animal stay trapped like this?

Couple days, maybe a week.

Depends on how fast the trapper gets back to his trap.


-And then what happens?
-Well, if it hadn't already bled to death,


-you have to k*ll it.
-And how is this accomplished?


-How do you k*ll your catch?
-Well, if you're near water,

we'd usually drown 'em, that's the best way.

That way you don't hurt the pelt.

If that's not possible, you club it to death,

or if you have a g*n, you sh**t it.

Some trappers have a long spear, and they s*ab it.

There's all kinds of different ways.

TRISCHUTA: Thank you, sir. Nothing further.

I don't have any questions.

Well, you can't pull out now, and you know that. It would be a mistrial.

Not if someone else in the firm took it over.


-Maybe Michael or Jonathan.
-Come on, Victor!

That's crazy!

I just can't do it, okay? I can't.

You've defended murderers, drug dealers, rapists.

Now you've got a law
-abiding client,

who's a legitimate victim,

and you say you can't do it?

I know, I know.

It's just after seeing that tape, Leland,

how they make those furs,

I just can't stomach being their lawyer.

Well, you will stomach it.

Anything else would be malpractice.

I'm willing to risk that.

Well, I'm not.

You'd also be risking our contingent fee,

which could be upwards of $,.


-Oh, come on now.
-Well, we've invested

over a hundred thousand in time on this case.

I don't intend to give that away.

Everything can't always be about money, Leland.

Oh, it's always about money with me, Victor,

and you know that!

The truth is...

we haven't had a big win around here in over four months.

The revenues are down, and this is a good chance to make some of it up.

You're gonna have to do better than that with me.

I don't have to do better than that.

You want a good reason to keep going, counselor? Here it is.

Consider it an order from the senior partner.

Leland...

I'm just not sure, given the way that I feel,

that I'd really be that effective.

Uh
-uh.

You'll be great.

And that's exactly what bothers you the most.

♪

You guys can have a seat.

Okay, um, I talked about your operation

with your father.

And what I need to find out, Alice,

is if you know exactly what this operation is for.


-Yes.
-What?

Alice, you can tell me.

It's 'cause Benny and I have sex.

Okay.

Now, why does that mean

that you have to have an operation?

'Cause whenever you have sex, you need one...

so you don't have a baby.

Alice, I want you to listen to me very carefully, okay?

Very carefully.

This operation that you're gonna have

is gonna make it so that you can never have a baby.

Do you understand it?


-Not ever?
-Not ever.

Is that what you want?

Alice, is that what you want?

I don't know.

ABBY: Well, you should tell your father that then.

No, he wants me to have an operation.

Alice, it's what you want that matters.


-I'm scared.
-Okay. I'll talk to your father again, okay?

But you're gonna have to talk to him, too.

And you're gonna have to tell him what you want.

He'll be mad at me.

But Daddy will get mad at me.


-Alice.
-[sobbing]

[door opens]


-WOMAN: Inhale.
-[women inhale]


-Exhale.
-[women exhale]


-One more time.
-[women inhale]

Exhale... and we're done.

Great.

Anybody have any questions today?


-Ann?
-Yeah, I think Stuart has a question

he'd like to ask the class.

Very well, Stuart?

I may have to miss next Friday's class.

My firm has a softball game.

It's our archrival. It's a once
-a
-year kind of a thing.

You're gonna skip Lamaze for softball?

[crowd clamoring]

Well, um, look,

I promised my wife I wouldn't do it

unless you people said it was okay.

Oh, okay.

No way.

I think you better quit


-while your only slightly behind, Markowitz.
-Yeah.

All right, I know you may consider that childish.

I'd like to think of something else here.

Now, we're all about to become parents, right?

And, uh, to the extent that each of us

can recapture our own childhood

and our dreams of growing up.

And, um, in a sense,

my playing in this game
-
-

It's a chance for all of us to remember

that a dream, whatever that dream may be,

must never be repressed or ignored.

[crowd murmuring]


-Play the game.
-What?

You should definitely play.

I'll tutor you on what you missed Friday.


-I can play?
-Yes.


-All right!
-ANN: I don't believe this.

Ann?

Play ball, Markowitz.

[laughter]

I don't apologize for cutting into their profits,

when those profits are derived from

k*lling innocent animals.

But throwing blood on people,

vandalizing private property,

That's a little extreme, isn't it?

First of all, it isn't real blood. It's a dye.

And, yes, we are extreme,

we have to be to get attention.

It's only through exposure that we can create public awareness.

But what about working to change the laws,

instead of resorting to v*olence?

We are working to change the laws,

but it takes a long time.

So you see fit to break the law.

None of us enjoys being arrested,

but if we have to go to jail to stop

the atrocities being committed by these corporations,

that's a sacrifice we're prepared to make.

Thank you, Mrs. Barrett.

Nothing further.

It's not just the corporations you att*ck, is it, Mrs. Barrett?

Your group members have also splashed people

on the streets wearing furs, right?

Again, I wish we didn't have


-to take actions like this
-
-
-But you do, don't you?


-Yes.
-And sometimes you've hit people

wearing synthetic furs, correct?

We don't mean to victimize these people.

But you do, don't you?


-It's happened.
-It's happened?

And sometimes some of the people that you've hit

wear furs that come from fur ranches and not traps.


-Right?
-Makes no difference.


-The fur ranches are cruel, too.
-Wait a second.

This big presentation we had here about the evils of trapping,

and suddenly it makes no difference?

They point is, anybody who buys furs

is guilty to contributing

to the k*lling of innocent animals.

Well, what about the people who eat meat?

The people who eat beef, chicken and fish

contribute to the k*lling of innocent animals, too, don't they?


-Yes.
-And people who sit in leather seats?

They're guilty too, aren't they?

Leather is the skin of an animal, Mr. Sifuentes.

Uh
-huh. So that when we see kids

kicking leather soccer balls in the park,


-we should just splatter them with blood, too?
-Objection!


-We never threw blood on anybody.
-JUDGE: Sustained.

How about the folks who wear wool, Mrs. Barrett?

Wool shearing causes sheep to suffer stress

and overexposure to the cold.


-The sheep suffer sores
-
-
-I see, I see.

And ma'am, how does your organization feel about using animals for medical research?


-We are against it.
-Well, better for a little child

to die of cancer than to k*ll a mouse, right?

Better for restaurants to be infested with vermin


-than ever call an exterminator.
-Mr. Sifuentes!

Better to save a rat than to wipe out a plague.


-Objection!
-Mr. Sifuentes, that's enough!

Withdrawn. Animals matter more than people to you, don't they?

Animals are more deserving than people a lot of times.

Thank you, Mrs. Barrett,

for showing us exactly where you stand.

Nothing further.

She's afraid to tell her father.

And he doesn't believe me when I tell him, so
-
-

We can't afford to butt in here. It's none of our business.

Involuntary sterilization is illegal.

We cannot just look the other way
-
-

Ann, come on.

No doctor's gonna do it unless he's convinced of the consent.

You're talking about risking a million
-dollar client.

And for what? So Alice can get pregnant one day and have a kid?

Does anybody here really believe she should be a parent?

ANN: Ret*rded people can make very good parents.

But more likely they'll make bad ones.

Alice's IQ is lower than Benny's,

and to tell you the truth, I
-
-

I don't think Benny can raise a kid.

Look, we could argue all day and never agree.

The only thing we can and should agree on

is that it would be stupid for us to get involved.

You know, we may not have a choice.


-What?
-Like Ann said,

forced sterilization is illegal in California.

And if we know that Alice is about to be sterilized,

we also know that a crime is about to be committed,

in which case, as officers of the court,


-we may have to come forward.
-That's crazy.

No, we don't. We have no standing.

There's a conflict of interest.

KUZAK: Well, if not legally or ethically, then at least morally.

We don't have time to go around taking moral stands.

Then make time. Cancel the damn softball game.


-You're overreacting.
-All right, that's enough. Now, look.

Regardless of our personal feelings,

forced sterilization is legal in other states.

Even if we stop this here,

Leo Hackett can just fly his daughter to another state

where they won't stop him.

So why alienate a million
-dollar client,

where no purpose will be served?

So, let's stop him here and then enjoin him from taking her to any other state.

Well, we can't do that, and you know it.

No, the bottom line is,

if Leo Hackett is determined to sterilize his daughter,

there is nothing we can do to stop him.

It is, therefore, the position of this firm,

not to try.

This meeting's adjourned.

♪

The issue here is not whether animals should die needlessly to satisfy human wants.

Like it or not, that happens.

Animals die because they please our palates,

not because they're necessary to our diets,

but because they taste good.

The die so that we can wear leather,

so we can make footballs out of pig skins.

They die sometimes because wool feels softer than polyester.

This is the human race, ladies and gentlemen,

and we are higher up on the food chain.

Now, you don't have to feel good about that,

nor do you even have to like my client.

That is a matter of individual choice,

also known as a freedom.

But whatever your beliefs are on anything,

if you break a law and resort to v*olence

to impose your beliefs on others,

then you are guilty of terrorism.

And if you endorse that,

if you say that it's okay to disregard a law

just because you don't like something,

well, then we're all in trouble.

As a direct result

of the defendant's illegal activity,

my client lost $. million.

It is that simple.

And all the protesting, all the blood,

all the finger pointing can't change that...

and shouldn't keep you from recognizing it.

Thank you.

Where do we start drawing the line?

He's right.

If you're gonna get upset about fur,

then what about meat?

I mean, we shouldn't have to be a vegetarian society.

And leather?

Well, leather's not as bad either,

since leather goods, unlike fur,

are byproducts from animals k*lled specifically for food.

And laboratory research? Like Mr. Sifuentes said,

those experiments could lead to a cure or AIDS or something.

Yeah, I guess you can always legitimize k*lling animals

if you look hard enough.

Except
-
- Except...

when animals are m*rder*d for no other reason

than to serve our sense of vanity.

I have no trouble drawing the line there, ladies and gentlemen.

When animals are slaughtered

so that we can prance around exuding luxury...

you can draw your damn line right there.

No, we can't people running around breaking laws

just because they don't like something, I agree.

But my client's people were arrested for it.

They did jail time. They paid their debt to society.

What we have here is a civil trial, folks.

And a civil trial is not about punishment.

It's about compensation.

They are here asking you to award them money.

You saw that tape.

You saw what they do.

I don't know whether to appreciate all your concern

and just sue you for harassment.

[chuckles] Well, I'm not here to do battle.

If you wish still to sterilize your daughter,

my firm won't stand in your way.

Nevertheless, you didn't show up to help deliver the morning paper.

No. No, well, I just wanted to see you,

because, personally,

I think that what you're about to do is wrong.

What would happen if she ever had a child?

I'm a widower, Leland, pushing .

I could never take on that kind of responsibility.

And if I didn't,

they'd take the baby away.

My daughter could never recover from a pain like that.

I'm told your daughter isn't sure about this.

One minute, she agrees.

The next, she doesn't know.

She's Ret*rded.

She doesn't know what's best for her.

Are you sure that you do?

[chuckles] No.

Parenting is a very inexact science, my friend.

All you can do is love your child,

and do what you think is best.

And that's what I'm doing here.

I don't doubt that.

You may be right.

Fact is I have a hard time seeing Benny

as a parent, or
-
-

But what I have seen in Benny

is an enormous capacity to develop and grow

and a still bigger capacity to love.

And that combination makes it difficult

to preclude the fact that he could be a parent.

I really think I'm making the right call, Leland.

Could be right, could be wrong.

The only thing I'm telling you is that it's premature.

And what do we do in the meantime?

In the meantime, I talk to Benny.

I make sure he wears a prophylactic.

And if he doesn't?

[chuckles] It's not like you'll be there

at the appropriate moment, Leland.

Well...

I trust him.

And if I'm not sure he's being responsible about it,

then we chaperone them.

Well, that's still less extreme

than a sterilization.

Okay. For now, I'll hold off.

I just pray to God this works out.

So do I.

Mr. Foreman, has the jury reached a verdict?


-We have, Your Honor.
-JUDGE: What say you?

In the matter of Randall Furriers, Inc. v. Save the Animals Foundation,

we find in favor of the defendant.

[clamoring]

Your Honor, motion for judgment notwithstanding the verdict

or in the alternative, a new trial?

Opposed.

I'll see counsel in my chambers immediately.

Members of the jury, it is my custom at this time

to dismiss you and to thank you for your service.

Unfortunately, however, all I can do here

is dismiss you.

And I would be remiss

if I didn't convey to you

just how disappointed I am in your decision.

If you had found for the plaintiff but denied punitive damages,

I could have let that stand.

If you had awarded nominal compensatory damages,

I could have let that stand,

but an outright verdict for the defendant

when they're facts were so clearly uncontroverted

suggests to me that you were not impartial,

that you disregarded the law

in order to punish a plaintiff that you didn't like.

Now, yes, my stomach was turned by that videotape, too,

and I'm sure the lawyers were affected by the footage as well,

but we all continued to do our jobs.

You people didn't.

You let yourselves become inflamed.

And you ignored your obligation to be objective.

Now, I blame myself

for admitting the tape into evidence.

But more than that, I blame myself

for putting so much trust in you.

Because you failed miserably.

Motion for JNOV is denied.

But the verdict is set aside.

Motion for a new trial is granted.

I'll see counsel in chambers. That's all.

[crowd murmuring]


-[bat cracks]
-[cheering]

Come on! Go!

I think it's time for a change.

I'm just finding my rhythm, Leland.

No, you're coming in straight and fat.

Look, it's only the third inning. Just let me
-
-

Look you got us down by three runs already.

I can't wait for you to turn it around. Abby?

This is ridiculous.

If I was a lawyer, I wouldn't be yanked.

This is typical of the type of respect

secretaries get around here.


-Second base.
-I get no support.


-The fielding stinks!
-Second base, Roxanne.

All right, Abby. Let's give them junk.


-Mm
-hmm.
-In and out. Move it around.


-Only junk.
-Mm
-hmm.

[sharp breaths]

[breathing continues]


-Well, Stuart!
-Hi.


-What happened to the game?
-I left after the first inning.


-Why?
-Well, I got a little winded running the bases,

and I started to pant, gasp,

and naturally I thought about all of you.

[laughter]

And I figured that,

as good as childhood dreams may be,

parenthood dreams are better.


-[laughter]
-[claps]

If I could get up, I'd kiss you, honey.

Lie there and wheeze.


-I'll take over now.
-MAN: I understand.

Okay. Transitional breathing.

[sharp breaths]

Why didn't you just direct the verdict if you weren't gonna let us
-
-

Because I expected the jury to follow the evidence.

You can't just throw a whole trial down the dumper like that!

Oh, the jury threw the trial down the dumper.

And since I'm the one that's wearing the robe,

I'm the one that's gotta fix it.

So let's fix it, gentlemen, right now.

What are you saying, Your Honor?

I'm saying

that he's about to make an offer

of $,, and you're about to accept.


-That's not enough!
-No, no, no. You people don't seem to understand.

Now, Mr. Sifuentes,

the negative publicity from another trial would be very bad

for your clients' business, and you know that,

plus which you'll probably lose.

if today's verdict is any indication.

And Mr. Trischuta,

the expense of a new trial could easily cost you more than $,.

Ten times that if you should somehow get b*at.

My hands are tied, Your Honor. My client refuses to cough up a nickel.

Well, then untie your damn hands,

and tell your client that she better settle this thing.

And if she still refuses, then you remind her

that I'm gonna be sitting on the bench

for any retrial.

Now, are we getting a clear picture?

Yes, sir.

Mr. Sifuentes? Oh, yes, I
-
-

I know, your got lose big contingency fee.

But at least your client can claim a victory here,

which is probably more than he can get from a second trial,

which could take years...

given the way that these cases can get buried in the court docket.

I'll recommend the offer.

Oh, good.

Well, you both can go now.

BOTH: Thank you, Your Honor.


-[cheering]
-MAN: All right, Michael!


-Come on!
-Big stick, Mickey! Big stick!


-Big stick!
-Just singles!

Nobody swing for the fences! Just singles!

No need to panic!

There's one out with nobody on,

last inning, and we're losing.

I'll panic if I want to.

[cheering]


-Beautiful!
-[cheering]

All right, Jonathan, drive her home.


-Yeah!
-I'm not up, Leland.

Uh, Vinny's up after Michael.

MAN: It's Li'l Abner!

Come on! We've got Li'l Abner!

[laughing]


-Strike one.
-MAN: Great swing!

Come on, you guys, remember Mighty Casey?

He swung twice. He missed the first two.

You remember what happened next?

He struck out.

Strike two.

Come on! Whattaya say?

Let's go, Benny! Come on!

[cheering]

Watch the ball, Benny!

♪

[whoosh]

Strike three.

You're outta there.

Hey, shake it off, Benno. It's good that you whiffed.

I prefer it if my game
-winning homer's with two outs.

[cheering]

UMPIRE: Ball one.

Hey, forget it.

They were all good pitches.


-I stink.
-MAN: Come on! Heads up!

Come on now, pitch, give me something I can hit.

I'm smacking it right outta here.

Probably left
-center.

Come on, Arnie!

Strike.

That's okay, I like the drama.

Just trying to stretch it out a little, that's all.

He's all mouth.

Just meet the ball, Arnie.

$, round!

♪

[cheering]

Told ya.

I didn't even get all of it.


-[laughter]
-[cheering]

You can go home now. Game's over.

I do this all the time.

[cheering]

Am I the greatest or what?


-Did, uh, he get mad?
-No.

He just said I didn't have to get the operation.


-That's good.
-Yeah.

Alice?

Do you ever wanna have a baby?

I don't know. Do you?

No.

How come?

'Cause I couldn't take care of it.

'Cause you're Ret*rded?

Yeah.

Ret*rded people can have babies.

Well, what if it wasn't Ret*rded?

What
-
- What if it was smart?

So?

I would be ashamed.

Well, I wouldn't.

But...

But what if something really bad happened to it?

Like what?

Hmm... I don't know.

We
-
- We can take care of it.

We could help each other.

You think?

Yeah.

I love you, Benny.

I love you, too.

♪♪ [theme]