01x03 - The Ring Leader

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♪ Ben ! ♪

♪ Ben ! ♪

♪ Ben ! ♪

♪ Ben ! ♪

♪ Ben ! ♪

♪ Ben ! ♪

♪ Ben ! ♪

Ben: Prepare for destruction!

Gwen: You and what alien army?

You think you can win, but you can't win.

You're never gonna win. Nope. Can't. Nuh-unh.

Gah!

Stop whispering so close to my ear!

Ha! Advantage -- me!

Never!

No, no, no, no, no!

Whoo-hoo! Agh!

You know, Gwen, losing is a lot like going to the grocery store. Yeah! Whoo-hoo! Who's the winner? This guy!

Nobody wants to do it, but you have to because it's good for you.

Thanks, Grandpa,

but what I really want right now is to invalidate Ben's victory.

Well, can you really call it a victory?

It wasn't even real wrestling.

Whoo-ho-- What?!

Gramps, are you saying my epic KO doesn't count?

It was just virtual. Haaah!

You may be a simulated champ,

but real wrestling is a totally different thing.

You'd have to practice and work hard every day

before you'd be ready.

You'd be hard pressed to win a real match

at your present size.

Well, good night, kids.

[ Max snoring ]

Aww, great. What am I gonna do?

Now I feel all deflated.

Just a virtual champ?

What about that?

Midwest Wrestling Smackdown?

Tonight?! Yes!

Real victory, here I come!

Whoo-hoo!

Ben: His name triggers fear in the hearts of his opponents.

Ooh!

He is...

The Crushster!

The soon-to-be real, not virtual,

Midwest Wrestling Champion of the Midwest.

I...think you made your costume too big.

Oh, I won't be wrestling like this.

I'll be wrestling...

like this!

Ben, Four Arms has... four arms!

Don't you think people will notice you're an alien?

[ Ding! ]

Is it even a victory if you win by cheating?

I guess you're right.

I didn't really think about it that way.

Oh, my gosh!

The champion of the smackdown gets a $, cash prize!

[ Snoring continues ] Bye, Grandpa. Back soon.

I'm gonna be a real winner!

[ Rock music plays ]

[ Indistinct chatter ]

[ Snake hisses ]

[ Shing! ]

[ Gruffly ] Watch your back, kid.

This burg is full of shady customers.

What are you doing?

[ Normal voice ] I'm your corner person.

[ Gruffly ] This is how a corner person talks.

Like old men?

[ Normal voice ] In the movies, yeah.

[ Gruffly ] Now here's what you're gonna do.

You're gonna stick, you're gonna move,

you're gonna float, you're gonna sting.

[ Clink ] Hey!

One side, tomato can.

Tomato can?!

Did he just "canned fruit" me?

He's tryin' to get in your head, kid!

Well, it's working. When do I fight him?

Not so fast, kid.

He's in a different bracket.

You only grapple with him if you both make the finals.

[ Bell dings ]

And...it looks like he's definitely gonna make it in.

Oh, the defending champion Iron Kyle scores another victory

on a gorgeous night for amateur wrestling, Steve.

Absolutely right there, Bill.

You can almost smell the wrestling spirit in the air.

[ Sniffs ]

And entering the ring, we have a newcomer to the tournament,

the Crushster!

[ Bell dings ]

Chair!

Gahhh!

Oh, an easy takeout for the Crushster. [ Bell dings ]

We might have ourselves a contender for the champion spot.

[ Ding! ]

Light in your eyes!

[ Smack ] [ Yawns ]

[ Strained ] Really thought that would work.

[ Sizzle! ]

[ Thud ]

[ Crack ]

Look! Over there! Something distracting!

Huh?

Ha ha!

[ Audience gasps ] Owie.

Excuse me, everyone. I'm gonna go freshen up now.

[ Bell dings ] Oh, wow. That is gonna bruise.

Zowie. One guy way in the back even dropped his soda.

One! Two! Three!

[ Audience cheers, bell dings ] Pinned! Pinned! Pinned!

Winner!

This is almost too easy.

[ Gargles ]

That prize money is as good as mine.

[ Clink ]

[ Audience cheers ]

[ Groans ]

[ Bell dings ] And it's business as usual in the ring as Iron Kyle

defends his title for what seems like the th time.

It's actually only the th time there, Bill.

Hey, crazy question.

Why do you think they call him "Iron Kyle"?

Well, you know, I've never really thought about that.

I always assumed it was just a metaphor

for his devastating natural strength.

[ Chuckles ] Well, I guess that's one possible explanation.

[ Audience cheering ]

Who's next?

That's the champion?

Everybody sees that he has metal arms, right?

Why am I even hiding these?

[ Gruffly ] You gotta focus, Crushster.

It's not about being the champ anymore.

That guy's hurting people, and you gotta stop him.

Get to the finals!

All right.

[ Fanfare ]

Great job, Crushster.

Now let's stop this bully and bring home the belt --

and the check.

You!

You had a nice run, Ketchup Bottle, but I'm gonna be

the Midwest Arena Wrestling champion forever!

[ Bell dings ] Oh! Look out, Steve.

This looks like it could be

the first great match of the night.

I don't need to look out, Bill.

I think they're fighting each other.

That said, Big Red's our best chance of getting

a match that lasts longer than five seconds.

All right, Iron Kyle.

Let's see how you take a chop! [ Clink ]

Pretty good.

[ Audience gasps ]

You have four arms?

Uh...yeah.

Cheater!

[ Booing ]

The Crushster has just been revealed to be

some kind of four-armed creature,

and the crowd does not like it one bit.

Having two extra arms is clearly well outside

the boundaries of sportsmanship.

Hey! You know he has metal arms, right?

His name is "Iron Kyle."

It's a metaphor!

[ Booing continues ]

Ugh!

Ow! Unh! Ugh!

Ow! Ew! Unh!

Unh! [ Bell dings ]

[ Doorbell rings ] Woman: Who is it?

Ow! Ugh! [ Dinging ]

Ugh! [ Horn honks ]

Ow!

Get up, kid!

He's moppin' the floor with ya!

Yeah. Your little old corner man's right.

I am mopping the floor with ya.

I see how this might be confusing,

but I'm actually a -year-old girl.

No way!

While you're distracted...

suplex time!

[ Grunts ]

[ Thud ]

[ Audience murmurs ]

One!

Come on, Iron Kyle, get up.

Two!

You can do it.

[ Voice breaking ] I believe in you.

Looks like there's gonna be a new champion.

[ Audience gasps ]

Whaaaaaa--

What are you waiting for?!

Just hit the mat!

[ Thud ]

Unless I'm having a brain thing here, Bill.

It looks like the Crushster has turned into

what appears to be a -year-old boy.

With two arms.

Seems much fairer from this chair, Bill.

Uh... call it a draw?

[ Cheering and yelling ]

Get back here!

Yaaaa! Ugh!

[ Audience gasps ]

Aaaah!

Aaaaaaaaaaah!

[ Panting ]

Aah!

Oh, no! Iron Kyle is in full rage mode!

No one is safe now!

Oh, uh, should we be worried here in the booth, Bill?

I'd, uh, really like to finish my, uh, sandwich.

Gotta move this match back into the ring

before people get hurt.

Aaaaah!

[ Grunts ]

Guh!

[ Strained ] Yay. I'm back in the ring.

[ Whoosh ]

He's killin' ya out there, Tennyson!

[ Normal voice ] Oh. I guess this is kinda serious.

[ Gasps ] Look out!

[ Electricity crackles ]

Hey! Cut that out!

Ref! You gonna count it or what?

Yes, right away, Mr. Kyle, sir.

[ Beeping ]

If a little water's a problem for your little arms,

wait until you get an overflow!

[ Electricity crackles ]

[ Audience murmurs ]

[ Poink! Clank! ]

The Crushster kid just turned into

some kind of walking water park,

and our mighty Iron Kyle has...

been revealed to be...

[ Sobbing ]

...just a nerd in a robot suit!

[ Voice breaking ] It wasn't a metaphor at all, Bill.

His body was literally made of iron.

I mean, how could we have been so gullible?

[ Sobbing ] No!

Heh heh. Heh.

Hey -- Hey, everybody... it's me, uh...

Iron Kyle!

[ Chanting ] Ir-on Ky-le!

Ir-on...Ky-le...

[ Clears throat ] No? Okay.

Dis...qualified!

For use of illegal robot enhancements!

Yes! Finally! Ha ha ha!

I'm a real champion!

Now, uh, about that prize money...

Also disqualified, for use of alien technology.

Aw, man!

[ Crashing and clanking ]

[ Door slams ]

You built a giant robot suit just to win wrestling matches?

Could you be any more of a cheater?

You're one to talk, Mr. "I transform into aliens" guy.

You were hurting people!

I was winning!

Something you wouldn't know anything about.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah!

Winner! And still champion!

Virtual champion. And you were cheating.

Nope. Just winning.

What? I decided being a virtual champ is good enough.

Especially since it makes Kyle so angry.

Best three out of five?

[ Gruffly ] You're a bum, Tennyson -- a bum.

And...who's this guy, now?

Huh. That's a really big water slide.

Huh. That's a really big water slide. Why are you staring at me?

Why are you staring at me?

After much pleading

and promising to actually do my chores,

Grandpa Max has agreed to test out

the epic shiny water slide.

With the help of Overflow!

Uh, wait, but I don't need any --

Aaaaah!

[ Grunts ]

I'm sure he's fine.

Not only is Grandpa Max an amazing water slide tester,

but he's also a world-class belly flopper.

Who knew?!

[ Sizzle! ] [ Screams ]

Time to throw stuff.