02x07 - Girls Will Be Boys

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: Are you ready?

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ I know you see me
standing here ♪

♪ Do I look good,
my dear? ♪

♪ Do I look good today? ♪

♪ Today, today ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ I'm just another
kind of girl ♪

♪ And you want
to see my world ♪

♪ So come and run away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you wanna play ♪

♪ Come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ Come follow me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ ♪

- I can't believe
I have two tests tomorrow.

- Well, I have to turn in
a 10-page paper

and I haven't even started yet.

- Yeah?
Well, I have more homework

than both of you guys
put together.

- Hey, pass the suntan lotion,
would ya?

- Sure.

[pop music playing on radio]

You know,
we really should be studying.

- Yeah, we should.

- So should.

- But we're just gonna
stay here

and lay in the sun, right?

- Oh, yeah.

- Absolutely.

- Oh, thank God.

♪ ♪

- Hey.
What are you people

doing up on our roof?

What are they doing
up on our roof?

- They appear to be
lying on chairs.

- Our chairs.

- Why are you all cranky?

- Someone hide your mirror?

[laughter]

- Funny.
Now get off our roof.

- No.

- We're not bothering you.

- Why should we have to leave?

- Because this is
the guys' dorm,

which means this roof is
for guys only.

- Chase, tell Logan
he's being an idiot.

- Actually,
I kind of agree with him.

- Thank you.
- Huh?

- Chase!

- You're taking Logan's side
on this?

- Well, look,

PCA was just a guy school

for a long time.

Then they let girls in,
which is great.

- Sometimes.

- But I think the guys do
kind of

need a place where we can just,
you know, be guys.

- Fine.
So pull up a chair and burp.

We don't care.

- Guys can't just be guys

when there's girls around.

- Why not?

- 'Cause when females
hang around males,

it just causes the males
to behave differently.

They can't help it.

- It's basic biology.

- You got a C-minus in biology.

- Yeah?
But who was the best-looking

guy in the class, huh?

Yeah, me.

- Uh...
[clears throat]

I was in that class.

- What's your point?

- Okay, I admit,
guys do act different

when girls are around,

but it's not 'cause of
"nature" or biology.

- Right, it's 'cause of
dumbness and stupidity.

- There you go.

Now why don't you be nice boys

and go fix us
some more lemonade?

- Uh-uh.
Now leave.

- No.

- Uh-oh.
She crossed her arms.

- It's on.
- So on.

- Fine.
Then I'll just go

tell our dorm advisor
to make you leave our roof.

- Then I'll talk to him too.

- Me too.

♪ ♪

- Uh, hey,
can you turn up the music?

- Yeah, sure.

♪ ♪

Hey, cool boom box.

- Oh, thanks.
I just got it.

♪ ♪

[electricity crackles]

- Was it expensive?

[all talking at once]

- Hey! Hey!
All right, cool it.

So why can't you girls lay out
on your own roof?

- 'Cause our roof's lame.

- Yeah.
It doesn't get any sun

and it has bugs
and there's a tree above it

with a bunch of squirrels
so it smells like squirrel pee.

- Look, PCA used to be
just for guys only,

and now our roof is
the last place we've got

that's just for us.

- Girls, listen.
The roof is part of

the boys' dorm, so if they
want to keep it private,

I think they have a right to.

- Ha!
Later, losers.

[both scoff]

- Okay,
if we can't go on their roof,

then they can't come in
the girls' lounge anymore.

- Uh, yes, they can.

- Nicole.

- Conversation over.

You're free to go now.

- Why did you do that?

- 'Cause I like
guys hanging out

in the girls' lounge.

That lounge is my ice cream,

and boys are the sprinkles.

- Whatever.
I gotta go see Dustin.

- Okay, I'll come with you.

- He's in the infirmary
with chickenpox.

- Bye.
Have fun.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Knock knock.

- Oh, hey, Zoe.

- So I talked to
your roommate's mom.

Turns out he's already had
the chickenpox.

So you don't have to stay here
in the infirmary anymore.

- Um, thanks,

but I think I should stay
a couple more nights.

- But if you feel okay,
why would you want

to stay in the infirmary?

- I don't know.
I just...

- Hey, Dustin.

- Hey, Shannon.

- Shannon?

- [whispers]
My nurse.

Shannon, this is my sister Zoey.

- Hi.

Thought you might like
a little ice cream.

- You thought right...again.

- Oh, Dustin.

- Well,
I'll leave you two alone.

- Wait.
Before you go,

can you take a picture
of me and Shannon

with your phone?

- Sure.

♪ ♪

Say "pox."

both: Pox!

[phone beeps]

- Okay, I'll check on you
in a few minutes.

Nice to meet you, Zoey.

- Yeah, you too.

So who do you want me to
send this picture to?

- Everyone.

MAN: ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

[lively music]

♪ ♪

- I hate our roof.
I hate it so much.

- It gets, like, no sun.

- Yeah, I think I'm actually
getting whiter.

- And it smells like
squirrel pee.

- See?
I'm not crazy.

- Hey, you know what?

- What?
- Hmm?

- Maybe we ought to prove
to Chase and Logan

that guys can be "just guys"
even when girls are around.

- How are we gonna do that?

- By being around them

when they don't know
we're around.

- But if we're around
trying to prove it,

we'll be around them,
and we're girls.

So they'll be around girls
when we're trying to--

- Maybe you should
let Zoey talk.

- I'm saying,
what if one of us

pretends to be a guy?

- Okay,
four problems with that:

hair, face, boobs.

- That's three problems.

- Two boobs.

- We can get around
those problems.

- It would be
the ultimate acting challenge,

and I am the ultimate actress.

- You really think
you can convince

Chase and Logan
that you're a guy?

- Easy. Chase is gullible
and Logan's a moron.

- Okay, but if
we're gonna do this right,

then we're gonna need
a little inside help.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Lola's gonna pretend
to be a guy?

- Yeah.

- Uh, okay, I can think of
three problems with that.

- Don't worry about those.

Will you help us?

- Uh...make a fool out of
my roommates?

Sure, what'cha want me to do?

- Okay, first, you help us turn

Lola into a believable guy.

You'll be sort of like
our guy consultant.

- Okay.

- And you can't stay in
your room for a couple of days.

- Why not?

- 'Cause we're gonna make Lola

the new temporary roommate.

- And where am I
supposed to sleep?

- You pretend to be sick

and you can sleep
in the infirmary.

- Oh, no.
Uh-uh.

No, I heard about
Nurse Crutcher. Mm-mmm.

- No, they have a new nurse.

Want to see her?

- Okay.

[phone beeps]

- Well?

- Well, I think

I'm coming down with a fever.

Ugh!

[lively music]

[laughter]

- Okay, Lola.

- You ready to become a guy?

- Yup.
Make me a dude.

[laughs]

[pop music]

MAN: ♪ You think you can tell ♪

♪ You think that you know ♪

♪ You think that it's true
if you say so ♪

♪ But figure it out ♪

♪ It's only a game ♪

♪ You're seeing
the same old face ♪

♪ And time with a new name ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Maybe you think
I'm wasting my time ♪

♪ Standing around
in the wrong line ♪

♪ But look in my eyes ♪

♪ I need you to see ♪

♪ Think that
I just might change your mind ♪

♪ If you let me ♪

♪ ♪

♪ And how could you tell
if I was to change ♪

♪ Into the same thing ♪

♪ And how would you know ♪

♪ When they always told you ♪

♪ What to be? ♪

♪ Ahh, ahh, ahh ♪

♪ ♪

[clapping]

ZOEY: Whoo!

- Well?

- Unbelievable.

- I could almost date you.

- Come here, baby.
[smooching]

- No, no, no, no, no.
Back off, boy.

- [laughs]
Michael, what'cha think?

- It's good, but I still vote
for the mustache.

- Yeah.
Well, it's time for you

to stop voting and go check into

the infirmary, okay?

- Okay.

But don't you think

this mustache would help
the overall look

of Lola's whole--

- He had to go.

[lively music]

♪ ♪

[Michael coughing]

- Man, you sound awful.

- Uh...what's wrong
with Michael?

- We don't know.

- Dude, you sure
you don't want to stay

in your own bed
at our dorm?

- Yeah.
I think I ought to hang here

for a couple of days.
[coughs]

- All right.
- Where's the nurse?

- Shannon!

- Oh.
[chuckles]

When did she start working
at PCA?

- About a month ago.

Is one of you sick?

- [coughing]

- Yeah.
Michael here.

- [groaning]

I can barely stand up.

Help me.

- Oh, of course.

- So soft.
[coughs]

- Well, I 'd say
you're in good hands.

- Very good hands.

- [groans, coughs]

- Well, feel better, man.

- Oh, I'll try.

[groaning]

- Poor thing.

- Oh...
thank you,

but I'm just glad I have you
to take care of me.

- Oh, I won't be
taking care of you.

- Huh?
What do you mean?

- Shannon's the nurse
for the lower school kids.

[door opens]
- But I was told that--

- Stupid Taco Hut!

I asked for a macho beef
and bean burrito

and they give me all beans!

[dramatic music]

What's wrong with this one?

- He's very sick.

- [laughs nervously]

Actually, I feel much better.
Thank you--

- Lay down.
- No, seriously, I--

- Lay down!

- Aah!
Cheese and rice.

- I love my job.

[chuckles]
Yeah.

[lively music]

♪ ♪

[beeping]

- There.

Your new glasses.

- They won't explode,
will they?

- Probably not.

- So how do they work?

- Well,
this teeny little thing here

on the bridge is
a wireless camera

with a built-in microphone.

And back here on the thingy

that goes around her left ear
is a tiny speaker.

So with the computer,
we can see and hear everything

she sees and hears
and she can hear us via this.

- So what's the plan?

- You go to the guys' dorm

and you show their D.A.
the fake letter

from Dean Rivers,
and then

you'll be roomies
with Chase and Logan.

- Right,
and with Quinn's glasses,

we'll be able to see and hear
everything you do and say.

- And you can hear us.

- So if you ever get stuck,

we'll help you out.

- You have the letter?

- Oh, yeah.

Here.

- Whoa.
It looks so real.

How did you make this?

- Please.
I have a high-end computer

and a color laser printer.

I could make you French money
if you wanted it.

- I would love
to go shopping in Paris.

Oh, let me fantasize.

- All right, Steve.

Think you're ready to fool
Chase and Logan?

- Yeah, you look like a guy,

but can you act like a guy?

- [clears throat]

[spits]

[belches]

- I think she's ready.

- Mm-hmm.

[lively music]

♪ ♪

- 'Sup?

How you doing?

- Display visual image

and...

there.

We're seeing exactly
what Steve is seeing.

- Whoa.

- That's so cool.

- Oh, here.
Talk to her.

- Lola, can you hear me?

- Loud and clear.
And call me Steve.

- Sorry, Steve.

- I love her guy voice.

It's kind of hot.

LOLA: [guy voice]
Hey, how's it going?

[chuckles]
'Sup, dawg?

[normal voice]
Oh, my God!

That top is so cute.
Where'd you buy this?

I love it!

- Steve, quit acting all girly!

LOLA: Uh...

your shirt rocks.

Late.

♪ ♪

- All right, just get to
the guys' dorm.

She almost blew her cover.

- It was a really cute top.

♪ ♪

[rock music]

- So since Michael's gonna be

in the infirmary
for a couple days,

is it cool if Steve bunks
with you guys?

- Sure.
Why not?

- Cool with me.

- All right.
Thanks, dudes.

- They bought it.

- All right, we're in.

- Yay!

- Perfect.

- Okay,
I'll check you guys later.

♪ ♪

- So, Steve...
Michael's bed's the top bunk

over there, if you want to
set your stuff down.

[door closes]
- Ah. Cool.

♪ ♪

- Blix?

- Sure.
Chuck it.

- Chuck it?
Very guyish.

♪ ♪

- So, where you from?

LOLA: Oh, Chicago.

Yeah.
Go Tigers, whoo!

- Uh...Tigers play in Detroit.

- Huh?
- Chicago's team is the Cubs.

- Uh-oh.

- Whoops.

- Yeah, I know.

I meant the Tigers at...

- The zoo!

- Ahem.
The zoo. Ha!

- The zoo?
- The zoo?

- I, uh...enjoy animals.

♪ ♪

Good Blix.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

[lively music]

♪ ♪

[both giggling]

- [stuttering]
Why...

must...

I sit in a tub of ice?

- To bring down your fever.

- B-b-but I don't have a fever.

- Then it's working, ain't it?

- [shivers]

♪ ♪

[cell phone ringing]

♪ ♪

- Yeah?

Hmm?

Oh, man, I totally forgot.

Give us 15 minutes.

Chase, dude, get up.

- Okay,
must you be hurling ba*ls

my way at...



- We're missing
water basketball.

- Ah, I forgot.

- [yawns]

What up?

CHASE: We're missing
water basketball--get up.

LOGAN: Yes,
and Mr. Irresponsible...

- Nicole, they're up!

[knocking]
Quinn, get in here!

CHASE: I'm hurrying.

LOGAN: I do not want to lose
to those guys again.

- Oh, we can't play
water basketball.

- Why can't we?

- Uh, we don't have
a full team.

Michael's sick.

- Oh, yeah.

Hey, Steve, you swim, right?

- Uh-oh.

LOLA: Uh, sure,

but I don't have swim trunks.

- You can borrow
a pair of mine.

- But--

- Come on, we can get changed
by the pool.

- Yeah, let's play some
water ball!

- Look, I really can't.

I have sinus issues and, um...

- What are we gonna do?

- She can't go swimming.

- Why not?
It's gorgeous out.

- What's the matter with you?

She's wearing a full boy
body suit!

- And a wig and makeup!

- You don't have to get
all yelly.

- Don't worry, Lola.
We'll figure something out.

[laughter and chatter]

[upbeat music]

- Hey, guys,
we'll be ready in a sec.

- Come on, let's go
get our swim trunks on.

♪ ♪

- Guys, help me.

I can't swim and
still pretend to be a guy,

if you know what I'm saying.

- Relax.
We've got a plan.

Okay, when Chase comes back,
just tell him--

- Dude, come on.
- [gasps]

[splash]

- [gasps]

- Uh-oh.

- Oh, no!

- Oh, man.
My teeny camera.

- We'll get you
a new teeny camera!

Right now, we got to get Lola
out of swimming.

- Steve.

- I know.

- Ooh!
I have an idea.

- What?

- Meet me at the swimming pool.

I have to go to my dorm room
and get Marvin.

- Marvin?

- [sighs]
Just hurry up and get dressed.

- Ow! Ow! Ow!
What are you doing?

- Feeling your glands.

Oh.

I don't know
what's wrong with you.

I'm gonna have to
take more blood.

[dramatic music]

- Sweet mother molasses.

♪ ♪

- Why not?

- You said you could swim.

- Oh.
Ha...

Did you mean swim like...
in water?

- Come on, you guys are
gonna play or forfeit?

[boys yelling]

- Where's Quinn?

- I don't know.
She said she'd be here.

[all yelling]

- Okay.
We're not gonna forfeit.

Would you just put on your
trunks and get in the pool?

[lively music]

♪ ♪

- Okay, Marvin, do your thing.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[splash]

- Snake!

- Snake!
[all screaming]

- Snake?

- Aah!

[whistle blows]

- Get out of the water!

Everyone!
Get out of the water!

[all screaming]

- Aah!

[Lola gasps]

- Aah!

♪ ♪

- Lola?

- Hi.

- Okay, I am so very confused
right now.

- Somebody start talking.

- Well, we wanted to prove
to you guys

that guys can be guys
even with a girl around.

- And if girls make you
act different,

it's just because
you're being idiots.

- Yeah, it has nothing to do
with biology.

- Yes, it does.

- You hung out with "Steve"
for a whole day

and did you act any different?

- No.

- You treated me
just like a guy.

- Wow.
You people really want to

hang out on our roof, don't you?

- No, we wanted to
prove a point.

- But your roof is really nice.

- And ours is all suckish.

- So?

all: So?

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[thud]
- [groans]

- Hey, where are you going?

- Shh!

I'm sneaking out.

♪ ♪

[both screaming]

- What's going on?

- Where do you think
you're going?

- I'm leaving, all right?
I'm outtie, okay?

I'm not sick.
I was just faking

the whole time.
So you tortured me

for nothing, all right?
Now good-bye.

- Wait.
You're scratching.

- So I'm itchy.

- You got the chickenpox.
- What?

- You must have caught them
from Dustin.

- Sorry.

- Wait.
I got the pox?

I don't care.

I am not staying in
this house of hurt.

- Lay down.

- Look--

- Lay down!
- Aah!

[thud]

♪ ♪

- My husband's in prison.

[rock music playing]

- I cannot believe I have
two book reports due on Monday.

- Well, I have
the same two book reports due

and a chemistry test.

- Well, I have to give
a half-hour oral report.

♪ ♪

- Hey, pass the suntan lotion,
would ya?

- Lotion.

♪ ♪

- You see?
Guys, girls hanging out

and no problems.

- Yeah, we'll see.

- Hey, where's Quinn?

- Oh, yeah.
What happened to Quinn?

- [laughing]
Oh, Marvin, you make me laugh.

[laughs]
[Marvin hisses]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

WOMAN: ♪ Yeah, yeah, you ♪

♪ Just gotta let it loose ♪

♪ Don't walk away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

[ding]

MAN: Mmm.

NURSE:
And they give me all beans!