04x04 - Rumor of Love

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: Are you ready?

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ I know you see me
standing here ♪

♪ Do I look good,
my dear? ♪

♪ Do I look good today? ♪

♪ Today, today ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ I'm just another
kind of girl ♪

♪ And you want
to see my world ♪

♪ So come and run away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you wanna play ♪

♪ Come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ Come follow me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Aw, man.
I just checked my to-do list

and I forgot to write
my history paper.

- How'd you forget?

- I forgot to check
my to-do list.

- Well, if you're not gonna
check the list,

what's the point of having--
- Quiet, Del Figgalo.

- Lola.
- He was giving me lip.

- Just tell your teacher
you couldn't write the paper

due to "global warming."

It's what you do these days.

Just blame everything
on global warming.

- Global warming could be
a positive thing.

You get to wear shorts
all year-round,

guys get sweaty,
take off their shirts.

- All the Earth's water
dries up.

- So we drink lemonade.

- Ah, those cafeteria ladies

overcooked my hamburger.

- Well, don't blame them.

Global warming.

- Ah, yes.
LOLA: Global warming.

- Of course.
- Warming.

- Warming.
- Global.

- Bad news, dude.

- I hate news when it's bad.

What is this about?

Aw!
[wailing]

- What's wrong?
- What does it say?

- Me and Logan are getting
our new roommate today.

- You sure showed that cob.

- It's not funny.

- Why did that housing lady
have to find out Chase left?

- And make us get rid
of our hot tub?

- I miss our hot tub.

Remember the good times?

[laughter]

♪ ♪

Oh, the noodles.

- Well, maybe you guys
will like your new roommate.

- You know his name?

- James Garrett.

Jimmy Garrett.

- Sounds like a loser.

- You can't judge a guy
by his name.

- Yeah, you can.

Logan Reese--
cool name, cool guy.

Mark Del Figgalo.

See?

- He just insulted me, right?

[metal clacking]

- Stop clacking.

- I can't.

When I'm nervous,
I gotta clack.

Ow.
I hate this toy so much.

- I got him.
- Ooh.

What'd you find out
about our terrible new roommate?

- Uh, says here that,
in the eighth grade,

Jimmy Garrett went
to Woodcliff Middle School

in Santa Fe.

- That's in New Mexico.

- I know where Santa Fe is.

- Just click your little mouse.

Let's see what he looks like.

Aw!
- No!

He's a doof.
MICHAEL: Wait. Wait.

Click on that other picture
of him.

Oh!
LOGAN: No!

- Man, I knew it!

I knew our new roommate
would be a doof.

A nerdy little doof.

Doof, doof, doof!

- We gotta go
to the housing office

and tell that Ms. Burvich

we're not rooming
with Jimmy Garrett.

- To Burvich.

[indistinct chatter]

I hate waiting.

I wish I had my clacker balls.

- What are you doing?

- Air-clacking.

- Hey, you guys got
a pen, pencil I could borrow?

- Yeah, sure.

- You know, they should let us
pick our own roommate.

- Yeah.
Not stick us with some nub

like Jimmy Garrett.

Nerd.

- "Oh, pardon me,
I'm Jimmy Garrett."

[laughter]

"Oh, lookie, I got tickets
to the comic book convention."

- "They're gonna serve us
hard-boiled eggs and juice."

- Hey, hey, you wanna play
extreme checkers?

BOTH: Whee!

- Michael Barret, Logan Reese,

you wanted to see me?

- You bet we do.

- That's right.

This doof you're trying
to stick us with--

Jimmy Garrett.

- Actually, he goes by James.

- Well, we looked James up
online.

MS. BURVICH: And?

- Loser.

- [clears throat]
Boys...

- My father donates

a lot of money to this school.

- Bunch of money.
- [clears throat] Boys.

- And we're not putting up
with any--

- Hi.
Ms. Burvich?

Mr. Conroy asked me to fill out
these papers for you.

- Thank you...James.

- Now, we demand that you--

- You're...

- So how do you play
extreme checkers?

♪ ♪

So you guys
are pretty psyched

about me moving in here,
right?

Okay.

I'll be back in a few

with the rest of my stuff.

No, no, thanks, I got it.

- Well,
at least he's not

as goofy-looking
as he used to be.

[fly buzzes]
- Dude, that's worse.

- How's it worse?

- 'Cause he probably thinks
he's all hot.

[fly continues buzzing]

- What, you're afraid
of a little competition?

- No.
I just don't wanna live

with a guy who's all conceited
and full of himself.

- Whew, is it getting ironic
in here?

- [stammering] I just don't--

[clattering, glass shattering]

I don't want any part
of that guy.

- I don't either.
Let's just--

[rustling]
He's back. He's back.

- I'm back.

- Good for you.

[fly buzzes]

[fly buzzing]

- There you go, buddy.

- Knock, knock.
- Nuh-knockity-knock.

- Don't do that.

- Hey.
- What's up?

- We wanted to know if you guys
wanted to play some--

♪ ♪

Uh, Michael, did you wanna
introduce us?

- Not really.

- I'm James,
their new roommate.

- Why are you guys here?

- Uh, we, uh...

- Uh...

We...

Why'd we come here?

- Uh, basketball.

- Right.
- Basketball.

We were gonna ask you guys
to play.

- James, would you like to come
play with us?

- What's wrong with you guys?

- Nothing.
- Why?

[knocking on window]

- What in the--

[indistinct murmuring]

- Hey.
I don't need a bunch of girls

staring at me
through my window.

[girls giggling]

Get outta here.

- So?

- Let's play.

- Yay.
- Nice!

- I hate him.

Hey, hey, you girls.

Seriously,

who do you think
is better-looking,

me or this guy?

- Oh, my God.
Who is that?

- He is so hot.

- What is the matter
with you people?

Look at my face.

I have perfect features,
and my hair is all--

I wasn't done with them.

MICHAEL:
They were done with you.

- Why do girls freak out
over this nub?

- Who knows why girls
do anything.

Why do they cover their mouths
when they're all surprised?

Can't you just be surprised
without doing this?

[gasps]

- Hey.

- Hey, uh...

I was wondering
what the best place is

to get some lunch on campus.

- What are we?

The PCA
Student Information Bureau?

- Do we look like pamphlets?

- Sorry, I was just thinking
maybe the three of us--

- How many dates
do you have a week?

- Huh?
- My average is three.

Three dates.

- Wow.

That's cool for you.

- Hey, what you guys up to?

- Well, Logan here's
up to three dates a week.

- Are you mocking me?

- Yeah, little bit.

[laughter]

- That's not funny.
- You laughed.

- Hey, you don't know
what I did.

Come on, Logan,

let's go get some cheese.

Just the two of us,
which is all we need.

Two. Two.
- Cheese.

- Yeah, they really make me
feel like family.

- Don't let it bug you.

Michael just misses his hot tub
and Logan's a--

- Conceited jerk?
- You catch on fast.

- Yeah, well...

Hey, what's a good place
to get some lunch on campus?

- Oh, you wanna have lunch?

- Uh...
- Oh.

You weren't asking me
to have lunch with you.

- Yeah, but if you're hungry...

- We don't have to.
JAMES: No.

I mean,
I know we don't have to,

but if you wanna
have lunch together...

- Sure.

Sushi Rox is just up the hill,
if you don't mind hills.

- Or sushi.
- You don't like sushi?

- I love sushi.
Show me the hill.

- To the hill.

♪ ♪

[indistinct whispering]

GIRL: Dating? That guy James?

Oh, my God, he's so hot.

- James?
- You know they're dating?

- I know.
- They're dating.

- Zoey, you got a second?

- Sure, what's up?

- Well, as you know,

I'm really into astronomy.
- I know.

- Okay,
so my three favorite planets

are Mars, Uranus, and Saturn.

I love Saturn
because of its rings--

My best friend
is my telescope.

- Start talking!
- Wait a minute.

- How long?
- What do you mean?

- You know it's all over campus.

- What's all over campus?

- How could you not tell us?

- Tell you what?

- That you and James are dating.

- We are?

MAN: ♪ We're walking
hand in hand ♪

- How could you not
have told us?

- Because I--
- We're your roommates.

- I know, but I--

- We thought we were
your best friends.

- I'm not dating James, okay?

We're not dating.

There is no dating going on
between me and James.

- Okay, what are you trying
to say?

- Just tell us.

- Ow!
- Hey.

- Did that shake your brains
loose a little bit?

- Maybe they're not dating.

- Then why does everyone
on campus think

you and James are a thing?

- I don't know.
You tell me.

All I did was have
a 45-minute lunch

with him at Sushi Rox.

What, one spicy tuna roll

and now I'm in
a serious relationship?

[both sigh]

[phone ringing]

Hello?

No, I'm not dating James.

We just had lunch together.

And how did you get
this number?

[phone beeps]
Who started this rumor?

- Maybe it was James.

- But why would he--
- It makes perfect sense.

He starts a rumor
that you guys are dating,

then you hear about it and--
I don't know

where I'm going with this.

- Yeah,
it doesn't make sense

that he would have started it.

Oh, my God,
did you start it?

Okay,
so we know it wasn't you.

- Well, I gotta go find James

'cause I don't want him to think

that I was the one who--

[all talking at once]

I'm not dating James.

[all talking at once]

- Ow. Ow. Ow.

- Hey, what are those?

- Clackers.

They're awesome.

Ow.

What you doing?

- Leaving.

- You're leaving PCA?

- No, just this room.

- Oh.

Well, why?

- It's pretty obvious
you and Logan

don't want me here,
and I don't wanna be

somewhere I'm not wanted.

- Wait, who are your new
roommates gonna be?

- Just me.
I'm moving into a single.

Uh, 3A.

- 3A?

That's, like, the worst
dorm room on campus.

- Well, it was
the only one left, so whatev.

Take it easy.

- Hey, way to go, dude.

- Nice, man.

- Dude, you are my idol.

- All right.

- Um, hi.

- Hey.

- Can we, uh...

- Sure.

Uh...
What's up?

- Um, have you heard
that we're dating?

- No.

We're not, right?
- No.

But somehow this whole campus
thinks we are.

- Ah.

That would explain things.

- So do you have any idea?

- Maybe people saw us
at Sushi Rox?

- Maybe, but I don't see
how that would make people

think we're dating.

- Well,
we did share the wasabi.

- Then we must be engaged.

- I better go buy you a ring.

- How many kids should we have?

- Hey, you two.

Yeah!

- Who started this rumor?

- I don't know.
Bigfoot?

- I don't think Bigfoot
would do that.

- Me either.
I'm just glad to know

that you believe in Bigfoot.

- Well, duh.

[clacking]

[phone vibrates]

- Okay, I am the best.

I mean, I already knew
I was the best, but...

Dude, you hid
all of James's stuff?

That's brilliant.

When he gets back here--

- He moved out.

- No way.
No way!

Dude, this is awesome.

First, I made him undatable,

and now he's out of our room.

- How did you make him
undatable?

- I started a rumor that
he and Zoey are going out,

which officially takes him
off the market,

which means more girls
for The Loge.

Come on, man,
let's go celebrate.

- Yeah, sure.
But give me ten minutes.

- Well, where are you--
- Ten minutes.

[shower running]

Hey, man.

- Hi.

- I think you left
your cell phone in our room.

Well, my room.

That was your room.

- Thanks.

- Nice room.

- Yeah, not really.

But it works.

- It's kind of hot.

No air conditioner?

- No, the housing lady said
this used to be

a janitor's closet,
so...no air.

- Well, at least
you're next to the bathroom.

[toilet flushes]

That's convenient.

BOY: [screaming]

- What was that?

- Whenever someone flushes
one of the toilets in there,

it makes the shower
get boiling hot

for a few seconds.

- Oh.
Well, how often does that--

[toilet flushes]

BOY: [screaming]

- Well, I guess
the good news is...

Help me out here.

- Hey, I'm cool with it.

Just a room, you know?

Thanks.

- Sure.

[toilet flushes]

Look, James--

BOY: [screaming]

- I'm sorry, all right?

For the way me and Logan
acted.

We just kind of liked having

the extra space in the room,
so...

- Or maybe you miss Chase?

I hear things.

- Yeah, well...

Me and Chase, you know,

we started going
to PCA together

back in sixth grade, so...

- I get it.
Yeah.

- Anyway, I'm sorry.

[toilet flushes]

BOY: [screaming]

[laughter]

- I appreciate you saying that.

So we cool?

- We're cool.

Oh, and move back in our room,
man.

This place is jank.

- All right.

Hey, uh, you got any idea

how this rumor got started

about me and Zoey dating?

- Oh.

That was Logan.

- Logan?
- Yep.

He started the rumor so girls
would think I'm "undatable."

- So you are dateable?

I'm just clarifying.

- So how do we k*ll
this rumor?

- I say we go to the source.

- What?
Get Logan to admit it?

- Zero chance of that.

- He might,
under the right conditions.

[camera beeps]

- Quit it.

BOY: Whoa!

BOYS: Girls! Girls!
Girls! Girls!

BOY: Come on. Get out of here.
Get out of here.

BOY: Come on.
Let's get out of here.

BOY: Go. Go.

- Hey, Logan.

LOGAN: I'm busy shampooing.

- I need to talk to you.

LOGAN: Dude, I said I--
[screams]

- Hi, Logan.

- Get out of here!

- Hi, I'm Jeremiah Trottman
with a PCA news bulletin.

I'm here live in Maxwell Hall's
third floor restroom...

LOGAN: Oh, my God.

- Where Logan Reese
is currently showering

and apparently shampooing.

LOGAN:
Someone call the police.

[girls murmuring
and giggling]

JEREMIAH:
Zoey Brooks, you allege

that it was Logan Reese
who started the rumor

that you and new student
James Garrett are dating.

- That's right, Jeremiah.

We have reliable sources.

- Oh!
That's me.

I am a reliable source.

[chuckles]

- Logan, you have ten seconds
to admit

that you started the rumor
and that it's a lie.

- Leave me alone, Brooks.

- Girls?

- Hey, why's my curtain
moving?

- If you don't admit
what you did,

bye-bye curtain.

- You wouldn't dare.

- Yeah, we would.

- What will happen?

- Ten...

[together]
Nine...

Eight, seven...

- Hey, can I change the channel?
- No!

- [yelps]

[together]
Three,

two, one.

- Okay, I started the rumor!
It was me!

[all gasping]

Zoey and James
are not dating.

All right?
Everybody happy?

Good. Get out.

[all cheering]

- Sure, we'll get out.

But first...

[urinal flushes]

LOGAN: [screaming]

[urinal flushes]

[screams]

- How great was that pizza?

- Oh, the best.
I love thin crust.

- Me too.
What's wrong with Chicago?

- Yeah, don't get me started
on the whole deep dish thing.

It's just wrong.

- I know, right?

- Anyway, I'm glad we squashed

that whole rumor thing.

- Logan's just ridiculous
sometimes.

- Yeah, no doubt.

Hey, I hear

you're in my history class.

- You got Mr. Murphy?
- I did.

- Awesome, then I'll see you
in class tomorrow.

- And I'll see you.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.

WOMAN: ♪ And you wanna ♪

♪ See my world ♪

♪ So come and run away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you wanna play ♪

♪ Come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ Come follow me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

[ding]

MAN: Mmm.

MICHAEL: Loser.