05x10 - Operation C.L.O.W.N./Operation S.P.A.N.K.E.N.S.T.I.N.E.

[bunniefuu]

And from then on, those days

Were called "the dark ages"

Because there were so many

"Knights!"

- [ Children groan ] - ha, ha, ha!

And do you know where all those

Knights went to eat?

To an "all-knight diner!"

The king told him about a great

One he saw on the "knightly"

News!

[ Laughs ]

Oh!

- And do you know why the king - went to school?

Don't say it!

- Because they needed a - "ruler!"

[ Laughs ]

Argh!

And guess why king arthur had

A round table?

Yes, we know, hoagie... So he

Wouldn't get "cornered."

Thank you very much, but I think

It's time to let someone else

Read their report.

Eggbert! How about you?

Quickly, please.

Sorry you got to follow an

Act like that, eggy, old boy.

I tried to go "over easy" on you

With the "yolks," but try to

Knock them dead anyway.

Thank you, thank you.

I'll be in class all week.

Ow!

What'd you do that for?

For making me listen to those

Lame jokes every day.

For your information, the

School paper calls this class

The "comic, bust-a-gut, 5-star

Comedy of the entire fourth

Grade."

That's a quote from you!

Good one, huh?

You think I should have given

Him more stars?

One more joke out of you, and

I'll make sure you're seeing

Stars!

Well, at least some people in

This class have a sense of

Humor.

[ Bell rings ]

Remember, class, after lunch,

We'll be talking about the

Declaration of independence.

Hey, numbuh 5, where was the

Declaration of independence

Signed?

Oh, that's easy.

Philadelphia.

No, it was signed at the

Bottom!

Ow!

What?

Hey, you.

Who, me?

Yeah, you.

- You think you're pretty funny, - don't you, bub?

Well, I don't like to brag,

But I've been called the

Funniest thing to happen to

Gallagher elementary since

Polly marcus threw up on

Mr. Frydingle's new shoes.

Well, knock it off!

Ow!

Knock what off?

The jokes, the gags, the

Puns.

The clownarelli family runs the

Funny business in this school.

Get me?

No jokes?

You got to be kidding me.

I'm a clown!

Do I look like I kid?

Well, yeah, since you got the

Nose and the big shoes and all.

Grr!

Just a put a lid on the funny

Stuff or you'll be answering to

Tony "the nose" clownarelli.

Well, that clown got up on

The wrong side of the circus.

[ Chuckles ]

Clown... Circus... Brilliant.

Hey, hoagie.

What time does your watch say?

My watch doesn't say

Anything.

You got to look at it first.

- [ Laughs ] - ha ha ha.

Thanks, loser.

- Don't forget to credit me if - you use that one on your

Friends.

I thought I told you to can

The funny stuff.

Cranky flatfoot,

Bozo baggypants, take the kid

Outside and show him what we do

To comedians around here.

Ugh!

[ Gasps ] please, no!

No, anything but rhubarb pie!

I hate rhubarb!

I'm... I'm sorry.

I'll never tell another joke

Again.

And the kangaroo says, "cole

Slaw?

I thought you said chain saw."

[Laughs] whoa!

Aaaah!

Is this the bathroom, or am I

In france?

Ooh! Aaaah!

And that's why hippos can't

Mambo.

[ Screaming ]

With a melon...

Oh, aah!

It's only mayonn... Ughh!

Not in my wood shed, you don't.

Juice box?

Well, i... Whoa!

Constantinople?

Farts?

Eh! Ugh! Whaaa!

Where have you been?

Lunchtime's almost over.

[ Sniffs ]

I thought you hated rhubarb.

I do, but a couple of clowns

Made me a pie I couldn't refuse.

Well, rhubarb's got to be

Better than this junk.

And what's this fly doing in my

Soup?

The bac... Ooh!

Eee... Uh... Eee... Uh...

Uh, the... The bacteria levels

Must be awful in your soup

Be-because the fly... Oh!

[ Crying ]

Yeah, you're right.

Let's go to the playground.

The backstroke!

The fly was doing the

Backstroke!

It's the oldest joke in the

Book!

Be sure to tell numbuh 1 I

Have to go out with my daddy

Tonight, so I won't be able to

Go on the big mission.

Whoa!

Look at that chicken over there.

[ Clucking ]

Now, why do you think that

Chicken is crossing the road?

[ Gasps ]

I mean, why would a chicken

Be crossing a busy road?

Well, better get back to class.

I guess we'll never know why

That chicken crossed the road.

To get to the other side!

The chicken crossed the road to

Get to the other side!

No, please!

She taunted me with that one!

I've been waiting my whole life

To be set up for the chicken

Joke!

[ Tires screech ]

Please, no!

I swear, no more jokes.

Dry and humorless from here on

Out.

So, this is the class clown

You been telling me about, tony?

Yes, clownfather, he, uh...

He did the chicken joke, sir.

The chicken joke, huh?

I thought I said I didn't want

Any jokes on my turf.

What kind of clowns are you?

Aren't you supposed to be funny?

There is nothing funny about

Being a clown!

Just look at me.

I could have been someone.

I could have been a contender

For clown of the year, but then

One day, my partner chunko and I

Were doing a kid's party.

We had them rolling in the

Aisles.

And then chunko set me up for a

Patented grand finale... The

Funniest joke of them all.

But when I went to deliver the

Punch line, i... I... I...

[ Crying ]

What happened?

I forgot the punch line!

The kids, they went nuts!

They threw stuff... Big, painful

Stuff!

When I finally woke up days

Later, everyone was gone,

Including chunko.

Oh, chunko.

To this day, I don't know what

Happened to you.

Since that day, I vow that no

One will tell a joke, unless I

Said so!

But you're not letting anyone

Tell jokes.

Exactly!

That's why no one can get hurt

Like chunko and I did.

Boys, feed this kid to the lions

And see if they think he tastes

Funny!

Uh, can I just say one thing?

What?!

Uh... Knock, knock.

Oh. Uh, okay.

Who's there?

Not me!

[ Laughter ]

Quit clowning around and get

Him!

Isn't this great?

Going to the circus with my

Daughter and the lions and the

Tigers and the bears... Oh, my!

This is pretty fun, dad.

Hey, look!

They're sending in the clowns.

[ Laughter ]

Whoa!

Aaaaaaah!

Aaaaaaah!

Uh, dad, could you get us

Some more popcorn, please?

Sure.

But come find me if they bring

Out the fat lady with the beard

And the tattoos and all the

Little jingly things.

You okay, numbuh 2?

Just hanging out.

That's it, kid!

Your stage time's up, and that

Joke was your final performance.

Numbuh 5!

Hang tight to that rope,

Numbuh 2.

Hang tight to the tightrope?

Looks like you're finally

Getting a sense of... Whoa!

What are you...

Aaaaaaaah!

Come on!

Not so fast, kiddies.

[ Laughs evilly ]

Cream puffs... Get down!

Ohhhh!

Let's get out of here!

Aaaaaaah!

Not so funny now, huh?

I think it's time to close

This little joke book... For

Good!

Excuse me, fellas.

I'm just gonna get some popcorn.

Hey!

If it isn't bunko the clown!

] Ch-chunko?

You're alive.

W-where have you been all these

Years?

Well, I've been meaning to

Call you, but, you know, after

The party, I decided that being

A clown was kind of... You know,

Stupid.

I mean, look at yourselves.

Uh, these pants do make my

Butt look big.

Stupid, you loved being a

Clown!

Yeah, but being a doctor, I

Make a lot more money, with

The golf clubs and the deck

Chairs on the boat and...

Hey, I could probably get you

Guys some jobs cleaning bedpans

At the hospital if you want.

Really?

Hey, can I wear one of those

Stethomoscope thingies?

Sure!

Come in on thursday.

Here, kid.

You take over the funny

Business from here on.

I'm getting a real job.

Wow!

Hey, numbuh 5, I didn't nose

Your dad used to be a clown.

Oh!

Maybe we should show the kid

How it's done, bunko.

You betcha!

Say, chunko, do you know why the

Chicken crossed the road?

Why, no, bunko.

I do not know why the chicken

Crossed the road with the

Driving and the carbon monoxide

And the breezes...

Well, chunko, the chicken

Crossed the road because...

Uh, he crossed the...

[ Audience booing ]

No, not again!

Aaaaah!

The chicken joke... Ha!

Classic.

Rainbow monkeys... Some say

They're filled with love.

Others say that every one is

Made from a great big rainbow,

But I say they're nothing but

Trouble.

For instance, I was once at a

Dinner party where a little girl

Decided that if she couldn't

Have her sister's posh party

- Rainbow monkey, then no one - would.

And when a certain detective

Caught her doing the deed, she

Paid the price... Grounded for

Life with no hope for tv.

Everyone thought that was the

End of the story, but not me.

Some kids just don't know when

To leave things buried.

Some kids want revenge.

Those who fork their sister's

Rainbow monkey in the back are

Bad and must be punished,

Mushi sanban!

Prepare to feel the paddlesome

Power of count spankulot!

[ Laughs evilly ]

Come in.

Aaaah!

Hey, what are you... Aaah!

You... Aah!

No, no!

Get away from me!

Aaaaah!

Mushi!

Enough with all the racket up

There, or you're grounded for

Double life!

Now, connie, relax.

The least we can do is let her

Play in her room while she's

Grounded.

I am just trying to make the

Perfect dessert for our dinner

Guests, and making ice cream

Sundae takes concentration!

You must have the right ice

Cream, the best bananas, and the

Richest chocolate sauce... Oh!

I forgot the chocolate sauce!

Noooooo!

And when I was a child, all

We could afford for dessert were

Those styrofoam packing peanuts,

Which weren't so bad, you know,

- If you put some brackish water - on them.

[ All talking at once ]

I'm afraid the sundaes aren't

Ready yet.

All: ohh!

But we do need somebody to

Run out and get some chocolate

Sauce.

All: me!

Let me see...

Me, me, me, me, me!

Me, me!

Hoagie.

Uh, not me.

I, uh, I got this thing with

Chocolate sauce.

Don't be ridiculous!

You get going before I make you,

You little...

Okay, okay.

Jeez.

Now, as I was saying, there

Was this one time when all we

Had for dessert was metal

Shavings... Hard to swallow.

[ Electricity zapping ]

P-please, little girl, I

Promise not to spank another

Child ever again!

Oh, it won't be you spanking

Children anymore.

Once my pizatronic

Defibrillationer power switcher

Goes into effect, you won't be

Spanking anything ever again!

Aaaaaaah!

Aaaaaaah!

Ice cream sundaes... They

Have always been my favorite.

But what makes them so good?

Is the the whipped cream or the

Nuts?

Maybe the cherry on top?

Nope.

It's the chocolate sauce.

Back then, I couldn't get enough

Of the stuff.

I was hitting the sauce for

Breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

It was like every meal was

Dessert for me.

So I had to drop it, drop it

Like a pair of dirty underwear

Into the hamper.

[ Metal rattling ]

Hello!

Anybody home?

Anybody?

Okay, then.

I'll just leave this money here

For the sauce, okay?

Huh.

[ Siren wails ]

Well, well, well.

What have we here?

Joe balooka.

He used to be on the school

Safety patrol until I fingered

Him for helping nurse claiborne

Make apple crumble using kids'

Pink-eye crust as topping.

Since then, the only work he can

Get has been patrolling the

Parking lot of his dad's store.

And guess who he blames for

That.

Hoagie gilligan, what brings

You to my father's store when

The power's out?

Aside from hitting the sauce,

That is.

Knock it off, joe.

You know I'm off that stuff.

Are you, now?

As I recall, you used to have a

Real problem with chocolate

Sauce when we were on the safety

Patrol together.

You'd do anything to get some.

Looks like you'd even resort to

Stealing it.

That was a long time ago,

Joe, and I didn't steal it.

There's money on the counter.

See for yourself.

Maybe I will.

Stewie, take a look inside.

B-but it's dark in there,

Joey.

Just do it!

Aaaaaah!

It looks like you've got an

Accomplice.

Huh?

Frolicking rainbow monkeys!

Oh, my arm... I think it's

Broken!

Noooooo!

Stewie!

Eat balloon, you

Grocery-stealing gorilla!

[ Growls ]

Uh-oh... Yeow!

Oh, please, no, no, no!

Ow, ow!

Aaaaaah!

Ohh.

[ Laughs evilly ]

Find hoagie gilligan.

Find him and spank him!

[ Growling ]

Huh? Whoa!

[ Panting ]

Aaaaah!

Wait... I know you.

You're numbuh 3's posh party

Rainbow monkey.

Am i?

Yeah.

You were specially designed to

Love parties and social

Gatherings.

What's happened to you?

[ Sighs ]

That's right.

The posh party rainbow monkey I

Knew had real care-'n-share

Sighing action.

Come on.

I'll show you.

[ Grunts ]

It's okay.

Come to hoagie!

Ahh!

Now, that's the posh party

Rainbow monkey I know.

Take this, you

Chocolate-sauce-stealing,

Hugging in the middle of an

Electrical substation couple

Of weirdos!

No!

[ Groaning ]

Posh party rainbow monkey!

- Get out of there before you... - Oh, I'm getting worried.

- Hoagie should have been back by - now.

What took you so long?

Did you get the sauce?

Forget the sauce.

I need to talk to mushi.

What's this?!

You dare return to this house

Without choc... Aah!

Quiet.

[ Knock on door ]

Sorry to drop by so late,

Mr. Sanban, but I just wanted to

Apologize to hoagie gilligan for

Accusing him of stealing

Chocolate sauce from my dad's

Store.

- You see, I found the money he - left on the counter, and...

So, if you could give this...

Finally, my sundaes will be

Complete!

[ Laughs ]

Whatcha doing, mushi?

Why'd you bring posh party

Rainbow monkey back to spank me?

Revenge!

But I guess you can't trust a

Rainbow monkey to do a

Kindergartner's job!

Jeez, mushi, I'm not going to

Fight you.

You're like 5 years... Ooh!

Well, maybe I'll fight you just

This once.

But don't tell anyone.

Hyah!

Thousand-color shower of doom!

Yikes!

It looked like I was trapped,

Trapped like a boy forced to go

Dress shopping with his mom.

Until...

That rainbow monkey... I can

Feel my spankulot spirit

Coursing through it!

Yes!

[ Laughs evilly ]

Come on out, hoagie!

You can't hide from my

Eleventy-billion color shower of

Doom!

All who steal the power of

Spankiness and combine it with

Fluffy stuffed animals shall

Feel the stinging wrath of...

Count spankulot!

Aaaaaaah!

[ Spanking ]

[ Laughs evilly ]

Mm, hmm hmm hmm!

And now, hoagie gilligan, it

Is time... For dessert!

Boy, did I ever tell you how

When I was young, all we could

Afford to eat for dessert were

Tadpoles?

Tadpoles?!

I would have given my left

Pancreas to even have tadpoles.

We used toenails.

I know, right!

So that was that.

Mushi got five consecutive

Groundings for life and was sent

To her room without dessert.

But you know me.

I've always been an old softie.

Hey, mushi, I snuck you a

Sundae.

[ Laughs evilly ]

Mushi?

Pbht!

I'll get you, gilligan!

I'll get you if it's the last

Thing I do!

[ Laughs evilly ]

Kindergartners... They're

Enough to make you hit the

Sauce.

In my day, all we had for

Dessert was sand.

If we wanted sand, we had to

Grind up rocks with our teeth!

Yeah, well, we had to

Discover fire before we could

Ever roast marshmallows.

When we were young, our

Animal crackers hadn't even

Evolved yet!

Our candy store had only one

Butterscotch, and we had to take

A number just to get a lick!

Well, instead of ice-cream

Sandwiches, we put a bar of soap

Between sand paper!

Back in our day, a jawbreaker

Used to be a caramel and a punch

In the face!

Just a punch?

Stop it!

So, spankulot, you married?