05x03 - NRA TV

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John: welcome, welcome,

Well, to

"Last week tonight."

Thanks for joining us.

Just time for a quick recap of

The week.

And we begin with the trump

Administration, which is like a

Circus in that nothing about it

Is funny and I badly want it to

End.

This week, even by current

White house standards, was such

A mess we don't even have time

To get into mueller's

Investigation heating up or

Trump flip-flopping on g*n

Reform or the president's

Ongoing spat with his

Attorney general, except to

Mention this amazing detail.

"The washington post"

Reported the president has

Referred to sessions as the

Short-sighted elderly cartoon

Character mr. Magoo.

John: okay, so first, leave

It to trump to mock sessions as

A doddering old man even though

Trump is -- and this is true --

Six months older than him.

And calling him mr. Magoo isn't

Just mean, it's lazy.

If you want to hurt sessions,

Try.

Use your imagination.

Call him "confederate smurf" or

"A casting director's

Second-choice for an

Incontinence ad" or the result

Of a one-night stand between

Strom thurmond and

A golden raisin.

At least make an effort.

Meanwhile, the administration

Continues to hemorrhage

Staffers, the latest being

Hope hicks, white house

Communications director and

"Girl who started that mean

Rumor about you in high school."

And hicks leaving is a big deal

For trump.

With her gone, this leaves a

Stunning lack of confidantes in

The president's inner circle.

Dan scavino, the social media

Director here --

President trump's former

Golf caddie -- is the last man

Standing from the original team

Of his campaign.

John: okay, so let's all

Admit,

That's a suspicious photo.

But to be fair, we looked for

Non-suspicious photos of

Dan scavino and couldn't find

Any.

There's this one, "looking at

Porn at work" suspicious.

This one, "you didn't see

Anything, and if you say a word,

I'll break your f*cking neck"

Suspicious.

And my favorite, "oh, no, I just

Realized I left my craigslist

Friend in the punishment

Box" suspicious.

He's a suspicious guy is what

I'm saying.

Now, not everyone has left.

There is, of course, still

America's busiest

Business boy.

Although he may actually have

Had the worst week of all,

Starting with this.

President trump's son-in-law

And senior advisor jared kushner

No longer has access to top

Secret material.

Kushner's clearance level was

Downgraded from top secret to

Secret.

Even the white house

Calligrapher now has a higher

Level of clearance than kushner

Now does.

John: wow!

That is humiliating.

Although it kind of makes sense

That a calligrapher has to be

Good at keeping secrets.

For example, they have to keep a

Secret that

There's a font in microsoft word

That does their entire job.

What's crazy is, kushner has

Reportedly been on interim

Security clearance ever since he

Joined the white house, and

That's for pretty good reasons.

Jared kushner, it's not just

Has a complicated business, he

Had to change his federal

Disclosure forms multiple times

Because he "inadvertently

Omitted millions of dollars in

Assets and forgot to include

More than 100 foreign contacts."

John: in other words, kushner

Screwed up some important

Paperwork, keeps changing his

Personal wealth, and casually

Overlooked hundreds of

Foreigners.

He truly is his father-in-law's

Son.

The only real difference is, one

Of them has electrifying sexual

Chemistry with ivanka trump and

The other is jared kushner.

Now, jared's security issue may

Affect his ability to take an

Active role in international

Relations -- although, going by

Another story that came out this

Week, that may not be the worst

Thing.

A report in

"The washington post" suggests

Officials from china, israel,

Mexico, and the

United arab emirates saw kushner

As exploitable and at one point

Hoped to manipulate him.

John: the most shocking thing

About that is if somehow only

Four foreign governments thought

They could manipulate him.

How is it not more than that?

What nation looked at this man

And thought, "forget it,

His mind is a fortress"?

How did bolivia, laos, or

Germany not feel that this was a

Crackable nut?

Come on, france, iceland,

You didn't think it was even

Worth trying a little

Nudge-nudge on the

Old kush-ball?

And, look, it's easy to get

Caught up in all the drama and

Forget that white house chaos

Can have real-world

Consequences, but thursday

Brought a reminder of that when,

Unexpectedly, trump announced

New tariffs on steel and

Aluminum.

And whether you agree with that

Move or not, you have to be

Bothered by how it happened.

Spoiling for a fight, any

Fight, the president decided to

Pick one on trade, announcing

New tariffs against the advice

Of many of his top advisers and

Without any internal review,

Tweeting, "trade wars are good

And easy to win."

John: yes, trade wars are

Good and easy to win, which is

Weird, because if that was true,

Everyone would always win them,

In which case they'd actually be

Hard to win, because everyone

Else would already have won

Them.

It's a complex situation

That philosophers refer to as

"The dipshit's conundrum."

Now, some were immediately

Significantly alarmed

That this could actually

Raise the cost for americans on

Anything containing aluminum or

Steel.

That's why trump sent out his

Dynamic secretary of commerce,

Wilbur ross, to allay those

Fears in the dumbest way

Possible.

What I would like to do,

Though, is to emphasize again

The limited impact.

This is a can of campbell's

Soup.

In the can of campbell's soup,

There's about 2.6 cents,



So if that goes up by 25%,

That's about 6/10 of one cent on

The price of a can of campbell's

Soup.

John: great point, wilbur.

And as long as there isn't

Anything in the economy

That isn't soup, we

Should be just fine.

But don't worry.

Our researchers have actually

Looking into it, and it turns

Out, everything is soup.

So we're in the clear.

Oh, and one more thing:

One more quick thing here.

How is he not magoo?

That is the magoo-iest shit I've

Ever seen right there.

And in doing this, trump may

Well have set off a global trade

w*r for no good reason.

And if you need a sense of just

How stupid this move is, just

Watch the response from e.u.

President jean claude juncker,

Who cannot believe he is now

Being forced to engage in this

Shit.

So now we will also impose

Import tariffs.

This is basically a stupid

Process, the fact that we have

To do this, but we have to do

It.

We will now impose tariffs on

Motorcycles, harley davidson, on

Blue jeans, levis, on bourbon.

We can also do stupid.

We also have to be this stupid.

John: oh, really, juncker?

You think you can be as stupid

As us?

Please.

You just brought a knife to a

g*n fight, and we just brought a

Hot pocket that we put in our

g*n holster and forgot was

There.

Because no one out-stupids

Donald trump's u.s. Of a!

Nobody!

Nobody!

You don't know us!

And now this.

And now, would you like to be

On the maury show?

Are you a mistress who is in

Love with a married man and

Wants him to choose for once and

For all, if so, call.

Do you suspect he is using

You for your money and a place

To live?

Are you doing a much younger man

I do suspect he is cheating on

You?

Is your father dating a much

Younger woman?

Arguments her daughter's

Boyfriend or husband is cheating

On her?

Are you convinced her mother

Is having sex with your husband?

Is there a possibility of two

Or more men being the father of

Your child?

Is there a possibility that f

Your child?

Are you 18 years or older and

The man you think is your father

Claims he is not?

Does your child look like

They belong to another race?

Did another woman's husband

Get you pregnant?

Are you a grandmother who

Loves wearing revealing clothing

And it is driving your family

Crazy?

John: our main story

Tonight concerns the nra.

A group that feels

About g*ns the way the rest of

Us feel about nutella:

A little is good.

More is better.

And you can tell me it's bad for

Me all you like, but you can pry

It from my cold, dead hands.

In the wake of the parkland

sh**ting, the nra has found

Themselves in the spotlight once

More.

However, the public pressure

This time is actually starting

To take a toll.

Twitter users are pressuring

Companies affiliated with the

g*n rights group by using the

Hashtag #boycottnra.

So 15 companies have cut ties

With the nra after parkland.

I think we have a list of them

Here, some big ones.

Delta, united, avis, budget,

Hertz.

Basically saying there are no

Longer going to provide

Discounts to the nra.

John: yes, avis, budget, and

Hertz will all stop providing

Discounts to nra members, which

Will presumably come as a huge

Blow

To jeremy, the one nra member

Who was just in it for the

Rental cars.

But the boycott train hit a snag

When it ran into one of the

Nra's lesser-known side

Ventures.

One group that has not been

Swayed yet, big tech companies

Like apple, amazon, and roku.

You see, these companies'

Streaming services still offer

Access to nratv, the g*n lobby

Group's free online channel

Focused on pro-g*n content.

John: okay, so that is an

Uncomfortable situation for

Apple and amazon, but it's a

f*cking miracle for roku.

"Harry!

Harry, get in here!

Someone just called us a

'Big tech company.'

They said 'like amazon and

Apple.'

It's happening, harry!

It's happening!"

But with all the discussion this

Week of boycotting nratv, we

Thought it might be worth

Answering the question,

"What the f*ck is that?"

Because the truth is, you may've

Actually seen tiny bits of its

Programming without realizing

It.

Like when this video featuring

Nra spokesperson dana loesch

Went viral just last year.

They use their media to

Assassinate real news.

They use their schools to teach

Children that their president is

Another hitler.

The only way we stop this, the

Only way we save our country and

Our freedom, is to fight this

v*olence of lies with a clenched

Fist of truth.

John: yes, the "clenched fist

Of truth," which, if you're

Looking for it, is just a little

Past the bent elbow of nonsense

And hiding in the overstuffed

Pocket of needlessly aggressive

Metaphors.

If you missed that, you may've

Seen one that made the rounds

During the obama administration,

Featuring country music legend

Charlie daniels.

To the ayatollahs of iran and

Every t*rror1st you enable,

You might have met

Our fresh-faced flower child

President and his weak-kneed

Ivy-league friends, but you

Haven't met america.

You haven't met the heartland,

Where the people would defend

This nation with their bloody,

Calloused, bare hands.

You haven't met the

Steel workers and the

Hard rock miners

Or the swamp folks in

Cajun country who can wrestle a

Full-grown gator out of the

Water.

John: "you haven't met the

Hill demons who can curse you

And your future offspring just

For having a picnic in the wrong

Place.

You haven't met the lake dog.

He's a dog who lives in a lake

For reasons too complicated to

Get into at the present moment.

And you haven't even met the

Gators down in cajun country

Who tiptoe out of the water at

Night and take revenge on the

Swamp folk while they sleep,

Thus perpetuating the sick cycle

Of swamp folk-gator v*olence.

That's the america I know.

And I promise you, you're going

To be confused by it."

In fact, recently, another one

Of their promos was passed

Around online, and you may

Recognize one of the faces in

It.

Mr. President, are you a

r*cist?

And drinking as many as



The second amendment is about

A militia.

And it's the national r*fle

Association.

We are the press who's under

Attack.

The president is like a

Child.

Certain people shouldn't have

g*ns.

Hong kong!

You are basically

Participating in the bigotry.

How stupid do you think we

Are?

Bless your heart.

♪ ♪

John: no, don't laugh.

He's right.

And if nra members are annoyed

With what I'm saying right now,

They should do the exact same

Thing and smash their expensive

Televisions with large

Sledgehammers.

Are you listening, nra members?

Destroy your own property.

It's a really good idea, and

It's honestly the only way we'll

Learn.

Nratv produces a lot of videos

Like those that are essentially

Just trolling for your

Attention.

But their content goes much,

Much deeper than that,

As you'll see if you go to their

Website or watch it on

Streaming devices like

The great and powerful roku --

"They said it again, harry!

They said our name!

It's happening!

It's finally happening!"

Nratv has news programming,

And there's honestly not much

Point in our showing you any of

It, because it's essentially

Just fox news on a much lower

Budget.

What is more surprising is,

They make shows,

Lots and lots of shows.

And they are so much stranger

Than you'd think.

So tonight, let's watch some

Nratv together.

Because it's fascinating.

Now, some shows are pretty

Similar to ones you'd see

Anywhere on tv, with the key

Difference that there is a g*n

Involved.

For instance, they have three

Different "antiques roadshow"

Knockoffs in which men who look

Like this guy get progressively

More and more aroused by the

g*ns they're holding.

What's unique is that it has

Such flowing lines.

It's artwork.

It's a sensuous g*n.

That's the kind of p*stol that

When I hold or when john is

Holding, it gives me shivers.

The idea was is that you

Would cock both hammers at the

Same time.

John: that man is

Doug wicklund, and I love him,

But not as much as he loves

g*ns.

In fact, the only way he could

Love them any more is if,

Instead of b*ll*ts, every g*n

Just fired a bunch of little

Bunch of even smaller g*ns

Which, in turn, fired tiny

Doug wicklunds living

In a state of sexual ecstasy

Inside the womb-like paradise of

A firearm.

And while that show is pretty

Sedate, nratv also has

Programming for the

Testosterone-fueled g*n

Enthusiast, like "media lab," in

Which a former navy seal named

Dom raso does the very important

Work of reenacting movies he

Likes, from "white house down"

To "jack reacher."

And here he is re-enacting

Scenes from the movie "heat."

The main part of this movie

That I wanted to break down was

The fact that they're sh**ting,

Moving, and communicating, and

If we get past the fact that

They're robbing a bank, if

You're actually in a specific

Uniform with specific kit, can

You sh**t, move, communicate

With that amount of weight and

Do down-man drills?

That's the key thing here.

John: I'd love to see a bank

Robber try to use that defense

In court.

"Your honor, I really feel we

Need to get past the fact that

We were robbing a bank, and

Instead focus on how well we

Were sh**ting, moving, and

Communicating."

And the endearing thing about

Dom raso is that his show's

Re-enactments don't always go

Smoothly.

For instance, how did his

Re-enactment of the "heat"

Robbery go?

They make it look easy, the

Way they're moving.

Yeah, this bag, as I was

Running, was just hitting at the

Back of my knees, have taken my

Legs out from underneath me.

Definitely fatigued me.

My strap broke.

So I was holding it like this

The entire time, wobbling back

And forth, even in the

Beginning.

Couldn't get a stable sh**ting

Platform.

I mean, we worked it out.

I had to lower my center of

Gravity more so the bag couldn't

Control me.

We definitely proved that they

Didn't have any weight in there

While they were sh**ting and

Moving.

John: wow.

That is genuinely inspiring.

Because somewhere out there,

There's an eight-year-old

assh*le watching

That show and thinking,

"Oh, good, being an adult is

Literally exactly how I imagined

It."

Honestly, I could talk about

Dom raso all night, but before

We move on, I have to show you

His inexplicable response to a

Viewer-submitted question.

What is your most treasured

Possession?

I would say, my aunt gave me

A cross that was made out of

Bones.

She's like, your

Great-great-grandfather gave

That to me to pass down to

Somebody special in the family,

But it was actually made out of

Human bone and he carved it when

He was a prisoner of w*r and

That has been passed down in the

Family.

Now I'm like, are you serious?

I'm like, that just doesn't

Exist.

So that's probably by far the

Coolest thing that I have.

John: well, that's a hell of

A story there, dom.

And I just don't know of any

Better poster boy for the nra

Than someone who re-enacts bank

Robberies for fun and whose most

Treasured possession is a cross

Made out of human bones.

But, look, nratv isn't all g*n

Bros.

There's also a large amount of

Content explicitly aimed at

Women.

There's even a whole women's

Channel featuring shows like

"Armed and fabulous."

The nra is actually making a big

Push for women, and they're

Pretty clear about their

Motivations.

Women really have an

Incredible role right now in the

Nra.

They are excited.

They are enthusiastic.

They are there for us and

That's --

You know, if you get the

Woman, you get the family.

John: "if you get the woman,

You get the family."

That is a brazenly transparent

Statement of your marketing

Strategy.

But to be honest,

Can we just go back to that room

For a second?

Do you find that room relaxing?

Is that a soothing space for

You?

Because I would be a little

Disturbed by the extended family

Of gazelles screaming "why?" At

Me with their dead, glassy eyes.

Now, one of the nra's

Female-focused programs,

"Love at first shot," is

Explicitly about getting women

More comfortable with the idea

Of owning or firing g*ns, and in

One episode, they took a woman

Who was nervous about firearms

And really threw her in at the

Deep end.

We're going to go straight

Into r*fles, and we're going to

Do it with an ar-15.

Okay.

I know you probably heard

About them on the news and

Everything else.

I hit the target.

You did.

How did it feel?

Not as scary as I think I was

Anticipating.

Exactly.

It's just this nice light poof

Of happiness.

Yeah, yeah.

John: "a light poof of

Happiness."

It's a little weird to describe

A semi-a*t*matic r*fle the way

Bob ross describes

A f*cking cloud.

But once "love at first shot"

Has women hooked, the upselling

Begins, which actually makes

Sense.

Industry research has shown that

Women will spend hundreds of

Dollars on accessories in

Addition to their g*ns.

So you can understand why

"Love at first shot" functions

As a kind of qvc for firearms,

Showcasing products like

Mag loaders, targets, g*n cases,

And handbags.

Okay, so, as you see here,

I've got a couple of different

Style options for you.

There are a lot of different

Varieties of exteriors, but a

Lot of them really have the same

Structure in terms of conceal

Carry.

I never would've imagined

These little neat pockets and

Hidden closures.

Knowing that you can close it,

It does put my mind at ease with

It, so it's pretty cool.

John: girl, you don't even

Need a g*n because people are

Going to die when they see

That bag.

And, look, it's not just

Handbags.

Even the g*n itself can be

Profitably accessorized.

So yes, we do have a custom

Line of g*n paint for the ladies

Out there.

These mags look phenomenal.

I love this product, it's so

Much fun to work with, and it's

Great to be able to put your

Personal touch on your firearms

And your accessories.

John: oh, that's so fun!

That is so fun!

Or, if natalie ever commits

m*rder, a grave oversight.

"Good news, chief.

The mag says the k*ller's name

Right on it.

We don't know what motivated her

To go on a k*lling spree, but we

Do know she had a lot of fun

With it."

We've watched every single

Episode of "love at first shot,"

And I have to show you our

Favorite clip.

It's from season 2, episode 1.

The host, natalie, is pregnant

At this point, so she can't join

In on the sh**ting, but that

Doesn't mean they didn't find a

Way to get her involved.

We are going to make art for

Natalie since she couldn't be on

The range with us.

Aw.

We're going to do something

Special for her to hang in her

Baby nursery.

Yeah!

That's so cool!

There we go!

Two for one!

Two for one!

We know that you're

Expecting, obviously, so we

Thought we would make a little

Something for the baby's

Nursery.

Oh, because you know --

Oh, you guys.

We shot paint.

John: yeah, they shot paint.

So when somebody inevitably asks

Why you have what appears to be

A blank canvas with a large

Bloodstain hanging up in your

Child's nursery, you'll be able

To completely reassure them by

Saying, "oh, yeah, my friend

Shot that for me."

But it's not all fun with g*ns.

Where nratv really comes into

Its own is when its tone gets

Much darker.

Which it does.

For instance, they have a series

Of hunting videos, which

Shouldn't be surprising.

In fact, it makes complete

Sense.

People do use g*ns when they

Hunt.

But while the visuals are

Predictable beauty sh*ts of

Nature, the voiceover takes a

Different path.

Somewhere over this horizon

Sit a million little dictators

Eager to purge humanity of its

Hunting instincts.

The anti-hunters have imposed a

False order on their lives based

On a misconceived perception of

The world.

Death is evil, they believe, and

So the purveyor of death must

Also be evil.

Death is an undeniable fuel of

Life.

John: oh, my god.

That is less "planet earth" and

More "deranged letter from a

Serial k*ller."

Although, to be honest, I'd

Respect the nra more if its

Slogan were just "the nra:

Because death is an undeniable

Fuel of life."

I wouldn't like it, but at least

We'd be clear where they were

Coming from.

And that flowery,

Vaguely threatening tone is a

Key feature of nratv.

Here's another weird example.

Hidden beneath the dense

Canopy of deciduous trees is a

prost*tute of sorts, and those

Who profit by selling her will

Stop at nothing to exploit her.

Sold and promoted for her

Non-addictive, even medicinal

Advantages, what lies behind the

Veil of this seductress is far

Different than what she first

Appears to be.

She is a harlot, and her name is

Mary jane.

John: I didn't think this was

Possible, but I think that guy

Just slut-shamed marijuana.

"And don't get me started on

Mushrooms, those filthy tramps.

They'll grow next to any tree at

All.

Whores with spores, that's what

I call 'em."

And if you're wondering why

Nratv is even talking about

dr*gs at all, the final

Defining characteristic of the

Network is painting a bleak

Vision of america with threats

Around every single corner and

One solution.

The next attack on our soil

Could come in a matter of

Minutes.

Teenage girls are trafficked

In sex trade.

Today's america is plagued by

Urban riots and domestic !sis

Sympathizers.

In a natural disaster, you

May call 911, and there may be

Nobody on the other line.

The drug cartels and the

Human traffickers who have

Invaded our borders and embedded

In every single american city.

This threat is real.

Our leaders are either incapable

Of or unwilling to protect you,

And the ar-15 is one of the most

Effective tools available to

Protect yourself and your

Family.

John: holy shit.

They're using the same

Techniques as an infomercial.

"Is human traffic getting you

Down?

Do you have !sis sympathizers in

Those hard-to-reach places?

Are you tired of getting 9/11'd?

There's got to be a better way!

Try the ar-15!

Available at way too many stores

Near you."

Now, to watch nratv is to watch

A constant stream of stories

Like those -- many real, but

Amplified to terrify you and

Sell you products.

And there may be a good reason

It sounds like an infomercial --

Because it is.

Many of nratv's shows are

Sponsored by g*n brands like

Smith & wesson.

And behind the scenes of nratv

Is an ad agency.

It's called ackerman mcqueen.

They've worked with the nra for

Decades, and the

Ackerman mcqueen website

Proclaims, "every brand must be

Its own media company."

And that's what the nra have

Done with their tv arm.

They've got a product to sell,

And they employ people who can

Sell that product.

Even dana loesch, the clenched

Fist of truth, when she's not

Warning of the drug cartels and

Human traffickers in every

Single american city, is selling

You some other shit.

Hi, I'm dana loesch from

"The dana show."

There's one superfood I drink

Every day for healthy

Circulation and to make me feel

Great all day long.

It's called superbeets, and you

Can try it for yourself

Risk free.

I take superbeets as my

Pre-workout in the morning and

As a non-jittery pick-me-up in

The afternoon.

And just one teaspoon of

Superbeets gives you the benefit

Of three whole beets.

John: wow, dana.

Three whole beets.

That's more than my delicious

Superfood, "medium beets."

It gives you the benefits of two

Whole beets, which is, and this

Is true, enough.

That's a perfectly adequate

Number of beets.

The whole point here is,

The answer to the question

"What the f*ck is nratv?"

Is, "it's just a vessel

To sell america g*ns."

That's pretty much it.

Does it work?

It's hard to say.

They won't reveal their ratings,

So it's plausible that no one is

Watching this and that ad

Agency, ackerman mcqueen, are

Making out like bandits.

Having watched a shitload of

Nratv's programming, here's what

I'll say about it.

There is a lot to be concerned

About regarding the nra's

Activities, but nratv might

Actually be the dumbest, most

Transparent thing it does.

Think of it this way.

If the nra is a ferocious bear

Charging at you, nratv is

That bear's ridiculous hat.

Is it eye-catching?

Sure.

Is it perversely entertaining?

Absolutely.

Is it the main thing you should

Be worried about?

Probably not.

Because the real truth here is,

Hat or no hat, it is imperative

That everyone keep their eyes on

That f*cking bear.

And now this.

And now proof that nratv's

Tone can make anything seem

Scary.

Has your kitchen that once

Gleamed in the soft glow of dawn

Now become a log of countertops?

She is the oven's contemptible

Whore, and her name is muffins.

The muffins glutinous prison,

Each a food sl*ve in its crusty

Walls.

Americans once relished our

Right to a stack of flapjacks

And a cup of joe, but now we

Tremble before satan's cupcakes.

Show uncut and flapjacks and

Stacked.

When the muffins rise, we must

Rise against them, because you

Don't know the muffin man,

Americo, and you had better pray

You never do.

Pancakes, the undeniable view of

Life.

John: that's our show.

Thank you so much for watching.

See you next week.

Good night!