01x02 - The Wheely Bird

[bunniefuu]

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf, who's your
friend when things get rough ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf, can't
do a little 'cause
he can't do enough ♪

♪ Once upon a summertime,
just a dream from yesterday ♪

♪ A boy and his
magic golden flute ♪

♪ Heard a boat
from off the bay ♪

♪ Come and play with me,
Jimmy come and play with me ♪

♪ And I will take you on a
trip far across the sea ♪

♪ But the boat belonged
to a kooky old witch ♪

♪ Who had in mind
the flute to snitch ♪

♪ From her Vroom
Broom in the sky ♪

♪ She watched her
plans materialize ♪

♪ She waved her wand, the
beautiful boat was gone ♪

♪ The skies grew dark,
the sea grew rough ♪

♪ And the boat sailed on and on
and on and on and on and on ♪

♪ But Pufnstuf
was watching too ♪

♪ And knew exactly what to do ♪

♪ He saw the witch's
boat attack ♪

♪ And as the boy
was fighting back ♪

♪ He called his rescue racer
crew as often they'd rehearsed ♪

♪ And off to save
the boy they flew ♪

- [Speaker] But who
would get there first?

♪ But now the boy
had washed ashore ♪

♪ Puff arrived to save the day ♪

♪ Which made the witch
so mad and sore ♪

♪ She shook her fist
and screamed away ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf, who's your
friend when things get rough ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf, can't
do a little cause
he can't do enough ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf, who's your
friend when things get rough ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf, can't
do a little 'cause
he can't do enough ♪

- [Group] Make candy, not w*r.

Make candy, not w*r.

Make candy, not w*r.

- [Speaker] Out with dentists.

- [Speaker] Candy see, work no.

- [Group] Make candy, not w*r.

- Hi Jimmy, see?

The beast's in trouble
at the candy shop.

- Make candy, not w*r?

Say, that's a great idea.

- Yeah, but down with dentists?

Why that's downright
revolutionary.

- Mr. Mayor, you
must do something.

These pickets wanna
steel my candy.

- I'll talk to 'em.

Hold it you, ants, this
is your mayor speaking.

- Hi Mayor, when did
you get back in town?

- Tell it like it is, Mayor.

- We just wanna
do our own thing.

- And what is your own thing?

- Nothin', we wanna do nothin'.

- No, no, if you do
nothin', you get nothin'.

If you want candy,
you must work for it.

No one gets anything
without working for it.

Understand?

- Oh, I don't know.
- What do you think?

- I don't know, I don't
know, I really don't know.

I don't know.
[bell rings]

- Come on, Witch's proclamation,
witch's proclamation.

- Why, now what?

[Freddy shrieks]
- Don't worry, Freddy,

maybe it has nothing
to do with us.

- Just the mention of her name

sends shivers up my spine, whoa!

[bell ringing]

- Well stop ringing
and read it already!

- Hear ye, hear ye,

let it be known to all
residents of Living Island

that Jimmy and his golden
flute are wanted by the witch,

or else.

- [Group] Or else?

- Or else! [cackling]

[broom swooshes]

- [Freddy] Jimmy, I'm scared.

- We can't wait
any longer, Jimmy,

we must get you and Freddy
off this island immediately.

- I wonder why the
witch was mad at us.

We didn't even do anything.

- Oh it's not you she
wants, Jimmy, it's me.

Oh why couldn't I have
been just a plain,

ordinary, wooden flute
like all the others?

- I'm afraid Freddy is
right, the witch wants him.

- I won't give up Freddy,
not even if it means my life.

- [Freddy] If I gave myself up,

would the witch let Jimmy go?

- No chance, Freddy,
you're my pal

and we've gotta find a way off
this island, the two of us.

- No more talk, action
is what's called for.

We must get to Dr. Blinky's
and see if he can help us.

Hurry, Jimmy, hurry.

[group chattering]

- Wait a minute, wait a minute!

Wait a minute!
[audience laughs]

[Witchiepoo cackling]

- They're going to Dr. Blinky's,
as if he can help them.

They are doomed,
doomed. [cackling]

Look, there's Freddy
Flute in the boy's pocket.

See how he glitters
and sparkles?

I must have him.

- Oh, how are you going to
get him, oh Queen of Darkness?

- With my magic wand, of
course, you peculiar pigeon.

Now we're going to see the
real magic around here.

- Please, be careful how
you wave that wand around.

- Well, I'm all warmed up,
here goes a practice try.

Hey, I think I'll
make that table float.

Watch, Orson.
[expl*si*n blasts]

[light clanks]
[Orson groans]

Hm, can't understand
what went wrong.

I've just got to call
in a wand repair man.

- Oh, oh, my head, it feels
like it's going to pop.

Oh, why me?

Oh why does everything
happen to me?

- Hey Witchiepoo look,

the flute is climbing
out of the boy's pocket!

- Hey, let me see!

[gasps] He is climbing
out of Jimmy's pocket.

How delicious.

Now I know I'll get him.

Oh joy! [cackles]

- I just gotta get myself up
to the witch to save Jimmy,

I just gotta, I just gotta.

- He's entering my forest!

I've got him, I've got him,
I've got the golden flute!

[energetic joyful music]
[group humming]

- Oh, stop it, please,
all my dances are taken.

Stop it, you're making
me lose my feathers.

- Who cares, I'll
find you new ones.

Come on, Seymour,
let's swing it.

[Witchiepoo humming]
[energetic joyful music]

He's mine, all mine!

[cheery upbeat music]

♪ How lucky I am,
how lucky I am ♪

♪ To have someone like you ♪

♪ Someone I know is
gonna be my friend ♪

♪ From the beginning
right to the end ♪

♪ How lucky, lucky, lucky I am ♪

♪ In this whole
world of people ♪

♪ Who can't get
along with people ♪

♪ I picked myself a people
and what have I got ♪

♪ A jackpot ♪

♪ How lucky I am,
how lucky I am ♪

♪ No matter what we do ♪

♪ When we're together,
all far or far ♪

♪ Always together
inside the heart ♪

♪ Oh yes, I quite agree ♪

♪ There's no one luckier
than you and me ♪

♪ And Freddy makes three ♪

[playful music]

- He's gone, Freddy's gone!

- Oh fudge, maybe he
fell out of your pocket.

- If he did, he
would've called me.

Freddy!

Freddy!

- Let's go back and look
for him, hurry, quick.

- Excuse me Mr. Tree,
have you seen Freddy?

Have you seen Freddy?

Excuse me, ma'am,
have you seen Freddy?

[playful music]

[dramatic foreboding music]

- Well look whose here,
a worm with holes in it.

- I'm not a worm, I'm a flute!

- Okay, so you're a wormy flute.

[group laughs]

- Who ever heard
of a talking flute?

It's a trick.
What do you think, Horace?

- I think that I shall never see

a tree that is as
mean as me. [growls]

- You're a nut.

- Of course, I'm a nut tree.

[group laughs]

- [laughing] Oh, I've got
the little dickens now.

[machine whirring]
[ringing]

Calling all evil trees, calling
all evil trees, come in.

This is your gorgeous leader.

- Evil trees to gorgeous
leader, we read you.

What is your command?

- I want that flute, grab him.

- [Freddy] Oh no
no, let me go, oh!

- Nice work, Elroy.

- Mission accomplished,
oh gorgeous leader.

- Well done, trees.

Take two squirrels out
of petty cash. [cackles]

Now bring him to the castle.

That is all.
- Roger.

- Witchiepoo-
- Over and out.

- We've searched
everywhere, just everywhere.

- But there's no sign of Freddy.

- Who?

- Freddy, Freddy Flute.

- Who?
- Freddy!

- I know that, I'm an owl,
that's the way owls think.

I'm sorry, Jimmy, but I'm
afraid there's only one answer,

the witch has got him.

- Well what are we gonna do?

- Think, Dr. Blinky, think.

- I'm thinking, I'm
thinking. [muttering]

- Shh, let's have a little
less noise, we're thinking too.

- Say Doc, why don't you use
that crazy thing you built?

- You mean my wheelie bird?

- Right, why don't you use it
like they do in Charlie Book?

- Waxy means my story, called
"The Trojan Horse," page 37.

- Hey, I remember that story,

all the good guys hid
in a wooden horse.

- Correct, and when the wooden
horse got inside the castle,

they all came out and
captured the enemy.

Nice going, staff,
thanks everybody!

- [Group] You're
welcome, Dr. Blinky.

- Let's go, hurry, hurry!

[pattering footsteps]
[audience laughs]

- I've gotta come over
and read you some night.

- Any time, Mayor.

- Is that the whirlybird?
- In person. [laughs]

Come on, I'll show you
what it looks like.

It's the most fabulous
invention you ever saw.

Wait 'til you see how it works.

[door creaks]

- Cling and Clang, what
are you doin' in there?

Come out this instant.

- It's all right, I
let them play in there.

- I sure hope they
didn't break anything.

- Oh no, they're nice boys.

Say, they can go along and
help with the peddling.

- Good idea, we need
all the help we can get

once we get inside
the witch's castle.

- We've gotta rescue Freddy.

You boys wanna rescue Freddy?

Do you wanna volunteer?

You do?
Good, they just volunteered.

- Let's go, Pufnstuf,
thanks a lot, Dr. Blinky.

- Goodbye, bon voyage,
and happy witch hunting.

Good luck, oh!

All set, start peddling.

[audience laughs]

All right, go birdy, charge!

[house gearing up to sneeze]

- Oh, oh no no, oh no.

[house gearing up to sneeze]

[house sneezes]
[whistle shrieks]

- We're off!

- Just watch where you're going.

Remember, you don't have
a bird driving license.

- Bye!

Oh what a wonderful sneeze.

Thanks for helping.

For that, I owe you one
house call. [laughs]

[playful music]
[audience laughing]

- Hey fellas, look at that.

- What is it?

- It's a bird on wheels.

- It's a wheelie bird.
What do you think?

- I think that I shall never see

a wheelie bird as
pretty as me. [laughs]

- Oh shut up.

[playful carefree music]

- [gasps] My word, what
a beautiful bird, oh.

- What do we do now?

- I don't know, just
sit and wait, I guess.

[door clattering]

- Orson's coming.

- Shh, maybe we can get him
to lead us into the castle.

And you two be quiet,
and I mean quiet.

- Hi there, Sugar, my
you're a pretty vulture.

Oh oh oh.

- Oh boy, he's getting
friendly, what do we do?

- Shh, we'll have to
go along with him.

[Pufnstuf giggles]

- [laughs] Say, gorgeous,
I've got a great idea.

Would you like to
come into the castle

and see my dominoes? [laughs]

[Pufnstuf giggling]
[Orson laughing]

Oh you little devil,

or would you prefer a
hot game of tiddlywinks?

Oh, I'm with you, how
about a little kissypoo?

- [Pufnstuf] Oh. [giggles]

Oh. [giggles]

- Oh goodness, you
delectable creature.

Oh, I love you, you
are mine forever.

- You're good, he's
falling in love with us.

- That's his problem.

If we're gonna save Freddy,
we've gotta get into the castle.

- Come on, let's go inside
where it's cozy and warm.

- [Pufnstuf] Oh. [giggles]

[Orson laughing]
[Pufnstuf giggling]

- What, he's taking us
into the witch's castle.

- Oh, isn't she scrumptious?

- We're in.

- Now, how do we get
rid of our boyfriend?

- I've got an idea.

- Well here we are, my dumpling.

How about another
little kissypoo?

[playful music]
Oh!

What a kisser, what a kisser!

Oh, oh, [muttering]

[door creaks]
[playful music]

[quiet foreboding music]
- Shh!

Shh!
[quiet foreboding music]

You go to the left,
I'll go to the right.

Cling and Clang, you
go straight ahead.

We must find Freddy.

Scatter.

- Now boys, boys, stop that.

Cut it out, be brave.
Courage, courage, let's go.

Come on.

[Orson muttering]
[machine clatters]

- [grunting] Why, what happened?

Where am I?

Oh my goodness, oh, oh my
darling, my angel, speak to me!

Say something, oh my love,

my love, I've
kissed her to death.

[gentle otherworldly music]
[witch murmuring]

- Oh. [laughs]

[witch murmuring]
[gentle otherworldly music]

Oh, you're gorgeous, beautiful!

[shrieks] Look,
diamond freckles.

And you're mine, all mine.

- Now that you've got me,
will you let Jimmy go home?

[Witchiepoo cackling]

- No, why should I?

I didn't become a witch by
being Charlie Nice Guy. [laughs]

- Look, Chiefy, look,
strangers in the castle,

strangers in the castle!

- It's the boy, trying
to rescue the flute!

But they're fooling
with the wrong witch.

Guards, guards!

- [Freddy] Oh no,
why did he do it?

- Lock the drawbridge,
lock the doors!

Seymour, go get them and
bring them back here.

I've got them all,
I've hit the jackpot!

[audience laughs]
[gentle dramatic music]

[playful music]
[audience laughs]

[gentle dramatic music]
[audience laughing]

- I gotcha!
Hey, come back!

- They'll never get
you back, never.

Just to make sure, I'm
going to hypnotize you.

- No, I won't let
you, I won't let you!

- Sleep!

Now repeat after
me, shout "Jimmy."

- Jimmy.

- Where's Pufnstuf?

- [Freddy] Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy!

- Freddy's in there.

We'll have to go
inside without Puff.

When I say three, we'll
break the door down.

One,

two,

three.
- Hold it.

Wait a minute, I didn't
do anything to you fellas.

- [Freddy] Help
me, Jimmy, help me!

- You're just another one
of the witch's tricks.

Let's go, boys.

[playful music]
- No, no, no!

- Freddy?

Freddy?

- Is this what
you're looking for?

- Freddy, what are
you doing to him?

- Stop, know my
wrath, know my rage,

you are now trapped in a cage!

[expl*si*n blasts]

I've got you, now you're
in my power, all of you.

Oh, this has got to make me
witch of the year. [laughs]

[witch singing joyfully]
- Let us out!

What did we ever do to you?
Let us out, please.

- Witch, what happened?

I'm gone for 10 minutes
and you rent out my cage.

[Witchiepoo cackles]

- [mutters] You silly sparrow,

I not only have the flute
but I captured the boy too.

- Imagine, fooling
around with love.

- Hold it, hold it, I'll
take care of you later,

you c*ck Casanova.

Where is your fair weathered
friend, Pufnstuf, eh?

He can't help you now.

Orson, Seymour, take
them to the dungeon!

- No, please wait, Miss Witch.

- How dare you call
me by my first name!

How dare you, take them away!

[playful music]
What happened, my wand?

It's gone!

- Oh no it isn't, Witchiepoo,
it's right up here.

- You can't do this to me!

My magic is gone
without my wand.

I'll report you to
the witch's union!

That's my wand give it back.

- Stop, I order you to stop!

- Don't point that thing
at me, it's loaded!

- Nice work, Pufnstuf.

- Come on out, Jimmy,
I've got it covered.

[expl*si*n blasts]

[lock clanking]

- Puff, she's
escaping with Freddy!

- Stop, stop!

Okay, you're asking for it.
[expl*si*n blasts]

- [Together] Look at
what you did, you moron,

you split me in two.

- [Pufnstuf] Would you
like to try for four?

- You all right, Freddy?
- What, where am I?

What happened?

- Well tell you later.

Let's go, Cling
and Clang, hurry.

- [Together] Look
at me, look at me,

what am I supposed to do?

- I've got an idea, just pull
yourself together. [laughs]

- [Together] I'm two witches,

that means you've got
twice as much trouble.

- Yeah, twice as much trouble.

- [Together] I'll get
him, I'll get him.

[chaos ensues]
[group chattering]

- Come on, boys, hurry,
let's get outta here, hurry!

[group chattering]
[dramatic music]

♪ How lucky I am, how lucky
I am, no matter what we do ♪

♪ When we're together,
all far or far ♪

♪ Always together
inside your heart ♪

♪ Oh yes, I quite agree ♪

♪ There's no one luckier
than you and me ♪

♪ And Freddy makes three ♪

[cheerful upbeat music]

♪ I've got, you've
got, everybody's got ♪

♪ Someone who cares, by
the name of H.R. Pufnstuf ♪

♪ Where do you go when
things get rough ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf, well
he can't do a little ♪

♪ 'Cause he can't do enough ♪

- See you next week!

- I sure hope so.
[audience applauds]

[playful cheery music]