02x21 - Bye Bye Ball

[bunniefuu]

And as the male bear says
hello to the female bear,

another mating season begins
in the Alaskan wilderness.

Ok! Inappropriate!

I will be right back,
beary boo. Mwah!

Don't slouch.

Could you please
not be such a girl?

Aah! Wasp! Big wasp! Aah!

Whoo! Take that,
wasp! Not in my house!

Where's beary?

Whoops.

♪ Come on ♪

♪ you get the limo out front ♪

♪ hottest styles, every
shoe, every color ♪

♪ yeah, when you're
famous it can be kind of fun ♪

♪ it's really you, but
no one ever discovers ♪

♪ who would have
thought that a girl like me ♪

♪ would double as a superstar? ♪

♪ You get the best
of both worlds ♪

♪ chill it out, take it slow,
then you rock out the show ♪

♪ you get the best
of both worlds ♪

♪ mix it all together,
and you know ♪

♪ that it's the best
of both worlds ♪

you monster!

It was an accident!

Easy for you to say

when you whacked
the only witness.

This was cold-blooded
bearicide! Oh!

Come on, mouse. He's
just a stuffed animal.

Uh! I'd cover his
ears... But they're gone.

All right. Fine.

I will buy you a new one.

Huh. How?

This is not just
a stuffed animal.

It's a part of my childhood...

the move from the
crib to the big girl's bed,

the measles, the
mumps, the potty training.

He was there through it all.

We were all there
for the potty training.

"look what I did!
Look what I did!"

That was an important
moment for me.

Stupid directions.

It's just a bookshelf, not
the danged space shuttle.

You kids know anybody who
speaks Portuguese, Dutch,

or... is this Hebrew or Chinese?

Daddy, look what
Jackson did to beary.

It was an accident.
There was a wasp.

Where?

See?

Daddy!

I'm sorry, honey, but
you know I'm allergic.

And those little
buggers are just drawn

to my Brazil-nut conditioner.

Dad, can you forget about
your hair for, like, 10 seconds

and help me here?

Oh, no. I don't know
if this is your stomach

or your butt.

Hey, I'm sorry, darling, but
you're in high school now.

Don't you think
you're a little too old...

To be waiting this long for
your brother to apologize?

Do it, boy!

Mouse, I'm sorry
about your bear.

May he rest in pieces.

Oh, come on! He's a toy!

He was also my friend,

and he will be avenged!

Avenged, I tell you.

Get ready for the only thing

worse than Jackson... his room.

Ugh! Are you sure this is safe?

Absolutely.

If you're a sewer rat.

What are you doing?

I want to say good-bye
to my mom... Just in case.

Suck it up. We got to find

something Jackson really loves.

Anything worth loving
would die in here.

Ha ha ha!

That is not funny.

Oh. Hey. What about this?

Oh, no. It's not good enough.

When Jackson
sees that it's gone,

it has to hit him
right in the gut!

Like when I lost beary bear.

Aw, let it out. Let it out.

It's not that. There's
a stench over here

that's making my eyes water.

Oh! Oh. Ooh.

Yuck!

Ooh!

Uh!

Who puts raisins on pizza?

And why are they moving?!

Aah! Get it! Oh!

Miley, we've got to hurry.

Jackson could walk in anytime.

Oh, it's all right.

I've got Oliver on Jackson duty.

Speaking of Jackson dootie...

Oh, no, it's ok. It's
just chocolate pudding.

Favorite fruit?

An apple.

Second-favorite fruit?

A pear?

Third-favorite fruit,
and remember,

you've already
used apple and pear.

This is the dumbest
survey I've ever heard.

I'm going home.

No, you can't!

This is for half of my grade.

In what class?

Socio-logi-cology.

Favorite word?

Wait a minute. I know
this one. Good-bye!

No. I still have to
test your reflex skills.

Catch me.

Dude, I'm trying to
get away from you.

Why would I want to catch you?

Because... Because
I just did this.

Those are excellent reflexes!

Aah!

What's rico doing
in Jackson's room?

Something Jackson loves.
Something Jackson loves.

Never gonna happen my friend.

Oh, hey. What about this?

Careful! Oh. That is Jackson's

autographed Joey
vitolo baseball.

If anything happened
to that, he'd freak.

Hello.

Yeah?

What? Oliver says
Jackson is on his way home.

How much time do we have?

Stupid, weird kid.

Not much.

You do not want to go in there.

We've got no choice.

No. Aah!

Towel, towel, tow...

It's a good thing
I straightened up.

I cannot wait to see the
look on Jackson's face

when he sees the
shredded remains

of his stupid little ball.

"My ball! My precious
little autographed baseball!"

Still dizzy from Jackson fumes?

A little bit.

What's your dad doing out there?

I don't know. Building a
bookshelf or something.

That is so cool he knows
how to do stuff like that.

Ow! Dang-niblets!

Sweet... flabbit!

A gloegstachen does
not fit into a flogenhagen!

Hello, ladies.

Hey, dad. Hey, Mr. Stewart.

Having fun?

You betcha.

Just doing what men do...
You know, building stuff,

and loving it.

Have you by any chance
seen the first-aid kit?

Upstairs closet.

Thanks.

Ok, vitolo. You are about to go

from a great player
to a grated player.

Miley, are you sure
you want to do this?

I mean, the whole beary
bear thing was an accident.

You're right. I'll
make it "look"

like an accident.

Hmm... I am in the mood
for some grated cheese.

Oop. And here's
something that looks

like a fancy
gourmet cheese ball.

Come on. Do it!

Do it, you
manicured little wimp!

Come on! What's
the matter with me?

Why can't I do it?

Face it. You're just
not that kind of person.

You're right.

Why do I always
have to be so good?

I can't even look
at this anymore.

You take it.

No!

Uh-oh.

Now, that's what
I call an accident.

You're right. It is almost
like it was meant to be.

I have a destroyed bear,

and now he's got
a destroyed ball.

Once again, the
universe is in balance.

Hey, mouse. I
got your bear fixed.

What?

Yeah. Well, I was thinking,

if you wrecked
something of mine,

even by accident,
I'd be pretty mad, too.

So... there you go.

Hope that lets me off the hook.

You are most
definitely off the hook.

Cool.

And I am so on it.

And I didn't
think I could do it.

And I was so right.

Ok. Look. It may not be perfect,

but you know, in a
certain kind of light,

if you tilt your head
and close your right eye

and then close your left eye...

Yeah, that works.

You guys, what's the big deal?

It's just a signed baseball.

Go to a collector's
shop and get a new one.

What is it, a babe
Ruth or a Willie mays?

No. It's just some
guy named Joey vitolo.

Ptoo!

This was a Joey vitolo?

What kind of an animal are you?

I'm not liking
where this is going.

He's the only guy in history

to hit 5 home runs
at his first 5 at-bats.

Then how come I
never heard of him?

Because on his last home run,

he did a cartwheel to celebrate,

tore up his shoulder,
and never played again.

Now he owns some
pasta place in Pasadena.

A pasta place in
Pasadena? That's perfect!

If you're thinking about getting

his autograph, good luck.

Since the cartwheel
ended his career,

he won't sign anything.

Last year, I tried
to get his autograph

on a napkin. He
blew his nose into it.

Is that that thing you
have framed in your room?

And someday it will
be worth a fortune.

Ew!

No offense, Oliver.

But you're a guy. Trust me.

When a sweet,
innocent girl like me asks,

he has got to say yes.

No.

But my brother's
ball is... Ruined.

Oh. In that case... No.

Now, are you gonna order
some ravioli or b*at it?

But she was
just... bye. Bye-bye.

All I need... bye-bye-bye!

Come on, Joey. Don't
you care about your fans?

Once again, no. I
gave them the best



And you know what I get?

I'm the punch line
on cable sports.

It's true. When a
player does a face plant,

they call it a vitolo. Ha ha.

It's... it's terrible.

You know what? As
far as I'm concerned,

that part of my life
is over, all right?

The only things I
really care about

is Linguini, lasagne... daddy.

And my little girl.
Hello, sweetheart.

Hi, sweetie. What's your name?

Angela.

Angela! What a beautiful name.

How about you get your
daddy to sign this ball?

How about your order
some ravioli or b*at it?

Ha ha! That's my girl! Ha ha ha!

Yeah... adorable.

Hey, Miley, check out the shirt.

Yeah, I think we have a little
Hannah Montana fan here.

She rules.

Really?

Totally. Ok. Ready?

♪ She's got the limo out front ♪

♪ ooh, hottest styles,
every shoe, every color... ♪

Yeah! We get it.

Hey, you don't have to
listen to it 50 times a day.

Want to bet? Want to bet?

Hey, sweetie, if I could bring

Hannah Montana
down here to meet you,

could you get your daddy
to sign this baseball?

You know Hannah Montana?

Losing feeling, losing feeling.

Nice try, kid.

But I don't care who
you bring in here,

because I'm not
signing anything...

losing feeling. Losing feeling!

He'll sign.

Oh, hey, dad. How's
that bookshelf going?

Oh, it's really cooking now.

Want a weenie?

I'll pass.

You sure? It's
flogenhagen-flavored.

Ooh! A little used.

Whoa. A lot of used.

Oh, there's my pudding.

My ball! My Joey vitolo!

Miley.

Oh, I will be avenged.
Oh, yes, I will be avenged.

I don't remember
raisins in that.

Oh!

Oh, not again! Ah...

And there you go.

Ok. I've signed
every visible part

of your daughter's body.
Now will you please...

Just sign my friend's ball?

Sure. No problem.

Right after the show.

What show, Joe?

Hit it, Paulie.

Uh, no way.

This was not part of our deal.

You do a few
numbers, you tell them

to try the veal, and
you're out of here.

This isn't fair. You
promised my friend

you'd sign their ball
if I met your daughter!

When you're right, you're right.

Not a problem.

Here you go.

This just says "Joey."

If you want the vitolo part,

you're gonna have to get
your old blue jeans up there

and make some noise.

Huh. Old blue jeans,
make some noise?

You get it?

Fine. But you are setting

a terrible example
for your daughter.

I can live with that.

Why are there 2 microphones?

It's funny you should ask that.

Bam!

Yeah. Don't upstage
me, kid. It's my restaurant.

Fine. But I ain't
pushing the veal.

I thought you were
going to say that.

Oh, yeah. Try the veal.

You will tell me
what I want to know.

The choice is
whether you will tell me

before the pain... Or after!

Now, where is the ball?

Uh... what ball?

The Joey vitolo

my dad gave me
for my 13th birthday.

That ball!

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Fine. Perhaps a
trip to the closet

will jog your memory.

You'll never get me to squeal.

You're right. You are strong.

But he is weak!

Oliver! Don't let him break you!

It's ok. It's just a closet.

What is that?!

No! No! No!

Help me.

She's at... Vitolo's.

♪ And I can fix a
flat on your car ♪

♪ I might even be a rock star ♪

Thank you!

And now... A
special vitolo treat,

almost as sweet as the cannolis,

the musical stylings
of Montana and vitolo.

Vitolo and Montana.

♪ Don't let no
small frustration ♪

Hey.

♪ Ever bring you down ♪
that's right, babe.

♪ Just take a kooky situation ♪

♪ and turn it all around ♪

I'm talking 360!

♪ With a new attitude,
everything can change ♪

Like the Sunday brunch,
now featuring an omelet bar!

♪ How you want it to be ♪

Black forest ham,
a touch of honey.

♪ Life's what you make it ♪

♪ so let's make it rock ♪

That's right, kids!

♪ Life's what you make it ♪

♪ so come on ♪

Try the veal! Come on.

♪ Come on ♪
♪ come on ♪

♪ come on ♪

♪ come on ♪ yeah!

All right. Now here's
our breakdown.

Come on. Just follow
my lead, all right?

It's good. It's good
stuff. Come on.

Whoo!

Come on!

Hannah, what are you doing?

What does it look
like I'm doing?

I'm trying your daddy's veal.

What are you doing?
You're embarrassing me.

You better pull yourself
together before the second show.

Washed-up ball player say what?

I've got an agent and a
record producer coming,

all right? You want that ball?

You'd better make
me look good, all right?

A Justin Timberlake mask
couldn't make you look good.

Do you know who I am?

Yeah. You're the guy
I used to look up to.

Now you're just some jerk who's
taking advantage of my friend.

Come on. Let's go.

But... I ruined your ball.

I know, and I know
it was an accident.

And it's ok. I'm letting
you off the hook.

Oh...

Jackson, hold on. Wait.

I don't understand.

I didn't let you off the hook.

I wanted you to suffer.

I saw that last number.

I think we've both
suffered enough.

So, you don't want
your ball anymore?

No autograph is worth this.

Thanks.

Oh. Hold on.

I forgot something.

Hey!

Yeah? Hey, Joey.

Ready for the big finale?

What finale? Yours.

One meatball to go.

Aah!

Bam!

Ooh! Right in the cannolis.

It was awful nice of
you to forgive Mr. Vitolo.

Well, after he finally
signed the baseball

and he apologized,
I figured it was time

for me to let him off the hook.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I promised Joey one last song.

Hit it, Paulie!

Bam!

Huh.

That's weird. Joey's
signature is different this time.

On the ball you gave
me, the "y" was all curly,

you know, kind of like
the way you do yours.

Hey...

you know, if I could
dance like that,

I'd give myself a 10.